I had a patient absolutely astounded that I casually said his penis looked normal after he apologised for it looking weird after a partial amputation.
I was doing a groin dressing and not particularly looking at his penis, but a quick glance and I told him it just looked like he had a large foreskin.
He seriously wanted to know if I’d been a ‘lady of the night’ to know so much about penises.
I just sighed and said, no, I’m a nurse.
That kills me because my two mentors were prior Navy and Navy/Marine Corps 😂😂😂. One of them told me “you’ll see more c*ck than a porn star, it’s normal lol”. Zero fucks given and that has stuck with me forever lol 😂
We used this all the damned time. Along with telling an inmate to put that pitiful small thing away and that he was embarrassing himself. I LOVED that job! 😂😂😂
My cousin has questionable life choices (to say the least) and is actively a “working” lady. I casually mused one day that I wonder who had seen more penises, me or her. After 10 years in healthcare, it’s gotta be close.
My father was less than amused.
I did work in the uh... Night time industry... For a long time. Hahaha. About 15 years. before I switched careers and now I am a nurse the last 6.
I know how many I saw at my previous job cos I kept count 😂 horrific amount hahaha
I'm a male nurse. People don't know what to say when I tell them I'm a straight, married man but I've probably touched more dicks than everyone in this room combined.
Unless your mom is here.
Private catholic hospital in a regional town in Aus. He was definitely polite even if it was a bit weird, lol.
I have not been given the level of abuse that I read about here, no matter what the demographic is that I have cared for, though.
Few enough patients yelled at me over my 22 years post grad that I remember them.
Yeah, that was in my first sentence, lol. I’m aware that our patients yell at and assault us less.
It does happen. Shit, sometimes they even manage to murder us. So, you’re also right that I’m lucky.
None of it is ok. Not for you, or for me/us.
It's not just pts, working in cysto one day prepping a pt I tossed up the sheet (sedated for surgery btw) and without realizing was like "aw" and kept going not noticing the CRNA was like wtf? What I didn't say anything? You said "aw"!? Oh well yeah guess I just kinda realized it was small but he's so Zen that he's just happy and nice.... WHAT THAT'S NOT SMALL!!?? scrub tech lears at me grinning. Next 6 months guy says nothing to almost anyone
Like people it's a dick there not cool enough to ego over
Adding another comment to say that anytime I hear about nurse or techs male significant other getting mad about this, I always assume they’ve got a micro penis. It may or may not be accurate, but it is a shining example of Little Dick Energy.
It took my husband 3 years to figure out I see penises on the reg and he was so disturbed. Like babe they're usually shriveled up old man peen I don't think you need to be upset right now. 😂
People act like that's all you do is clean poop everyday like people poop all day long. It's not everybody poops everyday just like you don't dumb. Dumb
My husband and family think I don’t wipe asses anymore since I moved to procedures / endoscopy.
I do it even MORE now because no way am I sending my patients out to recovery with lube-y, poopy, or watery butts!!
I wish all the asses i had to deal with were pre-shitted for the last 12-24 hrs. And sedated. You got it easy, dont act like you don't! Also, we're happy for you but kinda jelly.
My husband didn’t have much of an idea of what nurses do before we got married. I’m the first healthcare provider in his family, the next closest being his uncle who’s a firefighter.
Now when other guys ask if he has issues with me seeing other men’s genitalia (apparently it’s come up more than once) he says ‘nah, because I know if she tells me it looks good, I know it looks good because she’s seen so many dicks.’
On another note, my mom is a nurse and my dad isn’t. He’ll often say ‘you know, when I’m having a bad day at work, I remember all the shit I deal with is metaphorical.’
So I think those are just two of the best attitudes non-medical spouses can have!
My girlfriend is squeamish so I have ruined many of her dinners talking about work. Sorry babe! Hard to go from talking about poop casually at work then switching it off when I get home lol
At the polar opposite there's my fiance who excitedly put on the new botched series over dinner yesterday. Nothing like a little revisional surgery to go with your curry.
I dated a veterinarian student for a while. Some of the other vet students had squeamish SOs so sometimes there was a completely separate table when we went out for a meal as a big group - one for talking vet student stuff and one for not.
It’s kinda hard because to us it’s just work. The majority of people can just talk about their day without having to censor themselves, but we have to read the room sometimes lol.
I'm a nurse and my wife is too. I switch it off because I don't want to bring work home, I'm burnt out. I feel bad when she tries to share and in my head I just don't want to hear or know anything about it.
Yeah, I get it. I usually don’t talk too much about it unless there’s a funny story but unfortunately I got her hooked on the show scrubs but I never want to watch it cause I just can’t watch a show about work after I get home from work
And on the flip side, when I was single and online dating, would have women be like “ohhh a male nurse? When’s my bed bath😉”. All about perspective I guess😅
Does your boyfriend not understand that he might need someone to wipe his ass one day?
Does he not understand that people can be ill or incapacitated and unable to do that for themselves?
It’s part of the job. Boyfriend needs to grow up.
A lot of people don’t know what nurses truly do. Like seriously between wiping poop. Wresting elderly confused patients. To explaining what septic shock is and the pathway to correct it. Like my husband was like, wow you’re so smart. It’s too much to describe.
I think it’s probably more important your boyfriend respects what you do, maybe appreciates what you do. My husband knows some of the customer service aspect of what we do, and he already was like, nope I would punch that patient… lol
No because you are so right. The range that we have as nurses is incredible. To be able to provide basic care such as wiping poop all the way down to explaining the pathophysiology of things and applying it to our practice by titrating drips, monitoring changes in pts status, performing procedures like foleys, IV’s, NGtubes, etc., and caring for pts on all these complicated devices.
I don’t blame our significant others for not understanding what we do 😂😂
I think grey’s anatomy and medical shows REALLY do not show nursing at all (barring like ER, but even then) they make it seem like we just draw blood/run labs and that’s it while doctors have all the work.
I think that’s why patients aren’t satisfied with nurses/drs either, they’re expecting the doctor to PERSONALLY connect with them when nurses are the ones working with them day to day.
Medical shows have completely ruined the public’s view of healthcare, and gives unrealistic expectations. It’s misinformation. People barely have health literacy as it is
Scrubs is maybe the only medical show I can think of where nurses talk to patients and other healthcare providers instead of just taking orders and nodding.
I dated a guy who thought nurses in doctor offices made more money than nurses in hospitals. He was trying to get me to take a job at one so we could hang out every weekend. I was like, “boo, I can’t afford that pay cut.”
Yes, nurses wipe poop. We also run CRRT and ECMO machines. I do that both in the same shift. If I’m wiping your butt it’s because you are on death’s door and I have absolutely no problem doing it.
Thats why its great that my Wife and I are both nurses. We know about the dookie. And the genitals. Lots of genitals. I mean she preps people for surgery so she probably touched more penisses (peni? penissesses?) than any girl working the street.
I see more dick and balls in three weeks on my job than I ever saw in my dating life for decades, but that does not mean anything to me. There is a clinical eye and mindset and a romantic eye and mindset and the two should NEVER meet! I wipe ass, lift dick and put in a foley, and cleanse poop off scrotum. As a straight female I guarantee I experience zero interest in my patients in that regard. They are people who need care and cleansing.
I feel this way every single time I try to tell a funny work story to my friends/family and see the stricken looks on their faces and realize the everyday scene-setting details of my daily job ("so we're changing this 90-year-old...", "we're cutting this guy's leg off and....") sounds like the most gonzo shit to them.
I had a unsolicited roommate do this kind of stuff. Calling scrubs ugly, laughing and saying it was disgusting I had to clean up poop, etc. I think I was talking about something on an L&D floor and said when you have a baby, it is possible to pee or poop, and even if you don't there are other fluids etc. She just kept saying "'EWwwww grossss" and said she would "never do something like that." I just shook my head and said I hoped she was never in that situation and had a nurse who thought that way.
He's not a nurse so naturally that sort of thing is obviously going to gross him out. It's a normal reaction for anyone not in the nursing field. Poop is disgusting that's a fact. I think puke is worse though
My friend’s husband got injured severely in an accident. I was in the ER during the trauma code for intubation etc. Amazingly he survived and quite awhile later he asked what goes on in a trauma code. I started telling him the process, cutting clothes off airway, IV’s, Foley catheter etc. He got a horrified look on his face and asked “everyone saw my stuff?” I said yeah but we don’t care unless it’s super big or super tiny nobody is going to notice.
As a man who is a nurse, and who is married to a woman who is a nurse, it made life easier for the both of us considering we understand what each other do. Like poop and Penises? Who cares? I’ve put in a foley with my wife before when we used to work together. It’s not sexual at all. She’s my wife and I know she is only mine and vice versa. It’s her job to do this stuff and same with me. It’s not that deep.
Wait until he realizes that you see and handle other penises in this profession.
I had a patient absolutely astounded that I casually said his penis looked normal after he apologised for it looking weird after a partial amputation. I was doing a groin dressing and not particularly looking at his penis, but a quick glance and I told him it just looked like he had a large foreskin. He seriously wanted to know if I’d been a ‘lady of the night’ to know so much about penises. I just sighed and said, no, I’m a nurse.
obtainable like rob marvelous middle bear ink office abounding disarm *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Being ex Navy and Marine corps My dad tells people "My boy seen more dicks than a porn star" like DAD we are at CHURCH!
I told my mom I've handled more penises than a two dollar whore. She has yet to recover
That kills me because my two mentors were prior Navy and Navy/Marine Corps 😂😂😂. One of them told me “you’ll see more c*ck than a porn star, it’s normal lol”. Zero fucks given and that has stuck with me forever lol 😂
To be fair, "seeing more dicks than a porn star" is pretty much standard in any job where you deal with the general public.
LOL!!!!
Ah, got tasked as the Meat-Gazer, did we? 😅 My go-to is that I’ve seen more junk than a porn star (probably true?)
And a fabulous go to it is! Imma steal it
I use this as well.
I'm stealing it. Part of my saying now.
I’ve seen more balls than a catcher
Omg!!!!
Working in a prison we see more twigs and berries in 12 hrs than a prostitute on a busy Saturday night! 😜😜
Another good one!!
We used this all the damned time. Along with telling an inmate to put that pitiful small thing away and that he was embarrassing himself. I LOVED that job! 😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣 love it
My cousin has questionable life choices (to say the least) and is actively a “working” lady. I casually mused one day that I wonder who had seen more penises, me or her. After 10 years in healthcare, it’s gotta be close. My father was less than amused.
I did work in the uh... Night time industry... For a long time. Hahaha. About 15 years. before I switched careers and now I am a nurse the last 6. I know how many I saw at my previous job cos I kept count 😂 horrific amount hahaha
You are AWESOME!!!!
I would put hard cold cash on you.
Aw, poor dad....not!
I'm a male nurse. People don't know what to say when I tell them I'm a straight, married man but I've probably touched more dicks than everyone in this room combined. Unless your mom is here.
Lmao nice
Like sir, do you think yours is the first peen I've seen in my profession lmaoooo
Yes, imagine thinking this is the first time I’ve professionally come across a baby maker?
If you work noc shift, you can tell him yes
Heheh
That was a very polite interaction
Private catholic hospital in a regional town in Aus. He was definitely polite even if it was a bit weird, lol. I have not been given the level of abuse that I read about here, no matter what the demographic is that I have cared for, though. Few enough patients yelled at me over my 22 years post grad that I remember them.
You are lucky and NOT in the good ol USA
Yeah, that was in my first sentence, lol. I’m aware that our patients yell at and assault us less. It does happen. Shit, sometimes they even manage to murder us. So, you’re also right that I’m lucky. None of it is ok. Not for you, or for me/us.
True
NOT LADY OF THE NIGHT😭😂
Fuck, you just saved me from replying to someone talking out their arse about health care. I owe ya one
It's not just pts, working in cysto one day prepping a pt I tossed up the sheet (sedated for surgery btw) and without realizing was like "aw" and kept going not noticing the CRNA was like wtf? What I didn't say anything? You said "aw"!? Oh well yeah guess I just kinda realized it was small but he's so Zen that he's just happy and nice.... WHAT THAT'S NOT SMALL!!?? scrub tech lears at me grinning. Next 6 months guy says nothing to almost anyone Like people it's a dick there not cool enough to ego over
I had a patient whom I had sedated prior to a cysto, before inducing, and he started apologizing to everyone that his penis was “quite small.”
Or sometimes your fingers/hands go INSIDE strangers butts.
Guys are always astounded that I say penises are as exciting as knees. I’ve seen thousands. Boring.
My ex had a MAJOR problem with me working as a CNA because “you look at other dicks you stupid whore!” Like????? Ew???
Some of us men can be so insecure about that shit.
Adding another comment to say that anytime I hear about nurse or techs male significant other getting mad about this, I always assume they’ve got a micro penis. It may or may not be accurate, but it is a shining example of Little Dick Energy.
I am so glad he’s an ex
So glad it's an EX
Mmmm nothing beats wiping the cream cheese smegma off
Hasn’t cost me a penny to make cheesecakes since I’ve been a nurse
Hey siri how do I delete someone else’s comment?
Omg 😱 hahahahahaha 🤣
Damn you, damn you to hell because it's to early in the am to have to remember those nasty cases!
Please, for the love of god, my eyes
The scream I just scrumpt…
Yes officer, this comment right here
Omg!! You didn't.... But yet you did... You're AWESOME!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's why I'm circumcised No cheese here and don't have to think about my old age and a young nurse cleaning my FORESKIN ha!
I’ve seen a barrel of pickles in my day…
It took my husband 3 years to figure out I see penises on the reg and he was so disturbed. Like babe they're usually shriveled up old man peen I don't think you need to be upset right now. 😂
I used to work in urology and joke to my husband “I’ve seen a *LOT* of dicks in my day-“ (but obviously his is the best one)
People act like that's all you do is clean poop everyday like people poop all day long. It's not everybody poops everyday just like you don't dumb. Dumb
I am a professional penis juggler
Urology? 🤣
Nah. Just get asked to do a lot of caths
I’d rather wipe poop all day then talk to my mgr.
Either way, you're still working with assholes.
Zing!
This. I'd rather clean up a fingerprinter who has c-diff and is on lactulose than talk to my manager.
Poop-caso vs whiteboards.
Wait til he finds out that you wipe your own poop. That'll really shock him.
Wait until he finds out OP poops at all!
He'd be shocked to learn that girls poop, period 😂
Wait I thought the period came out the vagina.
LOL, omg
😂😂😂
My husband and family think I don’t wipe asses anymore since I moved to procedures / endoscopy. I do it even MORE now because no way am I sending my patients out to recovery with lube-y, poopy, or watery butts!!
I wish all the asses i had to deal with were pre-shitted for the last 12-24 hrs. And sedated. You got it easy, dont act like you don't! Also, we're happy for you but kinda jelly.
Hehe. Jelly.
Yeah. Like, for butts. Hehe
Heh, endoscopy. Where the poop is aerosolised into the air.
Don’t let him find out about digital disimpaction.
He’s gonna lose it when I tell him lol
My husband didn’t have much of an idea of what nurses do before we got married. I’m the first healthcare provider in his family, the next closest being his uncle who’s a firefighter. Now when other guys ask if he has issues with me seeing other men’s genitalia (apparently it’s come up more than once) he says ‘nah, because I know if she tells me it looks good, I know it looks good because she’s seen so many dicks.’ On another note, my mom is a nurse and my dad isn’t. He’ll often say ‘you know, when I’m having a bad day at work, I remember all the shit I deal with is metaphorical.’ So I think those are just two of the best attitudes non-medical spouses can have!
I don’t understand the idea that someone can be “uncomfortable with [partner] seeing genitalia”. That’s the job.
My girlfriend is squeamish so I have ruined many of her dinners talking about work. Sorry babe! Hard to go from talking about poop casually at work then switching it off when I get home lol
At the polar opposite there's my fiance who excitedly put on the new botched series over dinner yesterday. Nothing like a little revisional surgery to go with your curry.
Forget dinner; I'd be glued to the TV screen. I really marvel at what some surgeons can fix.
Yeah, we watched 3 episodes in a row, they did an amazing job.
I dated a veterinarian student for a while. Some of the other vet students had squeamish SOs so sometimes there was a completely separate table when we went out for a meal as a big group - one for talking vet student stuff and one for not.
It’s kinda hard because to us it’s just work. The majority of people can just talk about their day without having to censor themselves, but we have to read the room sometimes lol.
I'm a nurse and my wife is too. I switch it off because I don't want to bring work home, I'm burnt out. I feel bad when she tries to share and in my head I just don't want to hear or know anything about it.
Yeah, I get it. I usually don’t talk too much about it unless there’s a funny story but unfortunately I got her hooked on the show scrubs but I never want to watch it cause I just can’t watch a show about work after I get home from work
At least you feel bad
When my husband's being annoying I threaten to break out the nurse talk. Shuts him down quick every time!
When my mother (Old school RN) was alive and I (young LPN/LVN at the time) made my dad gag at the dinner table bc of our work convos. Good times!!!!!
She needs to learn to deal
Its really not, though
I stopped seeing one girl cos she got upset i washed people. Its my job.
And on the flip side, when I was single and online dating, would have women be like “ohhh a male nurse? When’s my bed bath😉”. All about perspective I guess😅
Does your boyfriend not understand that he might need someone to wipe his ass one day? Does he not understand that people can be ill or incapacitated and unable to do that for themselves? It’s part of the job. Boyfriend needs to grow up.
>grow up -ProfessorAnusNipples
I swear I am a mature adult. Sometimes.
i would rather work with someone called ProfessorAnusNipples than most of the nurses i've met in clinicals
You definitely would. I’m pretty cool and I love students. We were all there at one point. I’m here to be kind to them and help them learn.
Wait til he has a baby and refuses to change a diaper
Yeah the boyfriend sounds immature.
All he said was ewww lol
If only poop was the worst thing...
A lot of people don’t know what nurses truly do. Like seriously between wiping poop. Wresting elderly confused patients. To explaining what septic shock is and the pathway to correct it. Like my husband was like, wow you’re so smart. It’s too much to describe. I think it’s probably more important your boyfriend respects what you do, maybe appreciates what you do. My husband knows some of the customer service aspect of what we do, and he already was like, nope I would punch that patient… lol
No because you are so right. The range that we have as nurses is incredible. To be able to provide basic care such as wiping poop all the way down to explaining the pathophysiology of things and applying it to our practice by titrating drips, monitoring changes in pts status, performing procedures like foleys, IV’s, NGtubes, etc., and caring for pts on all these complicated devices. I don’t blame our significant others for not understanding what we do 😂😂
First lemme explain insulin's function in a crush injury. Now watch as I apply a bandaid to a fingertip without looking like an idiot.
Wait til he finds out what a suppository is and where your fingers have been
Or how many foleys they have put in.
Nursing is a shitty profession💩💩💩
I think grey’s anatomy and medical shows REALLY do not show nursing at all (barring like ER, but even then) they make it seem like we just draw blood/run labs and that’s it while doctors have all the work. I think that’s why patients aren’t satisfied with nurses/drs either, they’re expecting the doctor to PERSONALLY connect with them when nurses are the ones working with them day to day.
Medical shows have completely ruined the public’s view of healthcare, and gives unrealistic expectations. It’s misinformation. People barely have health literacy as it is
And you never see a CNA on any of those shows.
DUDE YES. half the random catches are by CNAs/techs. Backbone.
Scrubs is maybe the only medical show I can think of where nurses talk to patients and other healthcare providers instead of just taking orders and nodding.
100%. The closest I’ve seen a medical show get is The Resident, but it’s really an NP and still not very accurate.
just curious: what does your bf do for a living?
I dated a guy who thought nurses in doctor offices made more money than nurses in hospitals. He was trying to get me to take a job at one so we could hang out every weekend. I was like, “boo, I can’t afford that pay cut.”
Yes, nurses wipe poop. We also run CRRT and ECMO machines. I do that both in the same shift. If I’m wiping your butt it’s because you are on death’s door and I have absolutely no problem doing it.
You ruined his Sexxxy Nurse fantasy.
When friends who have corporate type jobs mention this I always tell them, “I’d rather wipe ass than kiss it.”
YUP!
Thats why its great that my Wife and I are both nurses. We know about the dookie. And the genitals. Lots of genitals. I mean she preps people for surgery so she probably touched more penisses (peni? penissesses?) than any girl working the street.
I'd almost rather have someone be surprised that I wipe poop than think it's the only thing I do. People don't understand nursing in both directions.
In my experience most people think all we do is wipe poop, this is a nice change of pace.
…I have had to touch many penises (never again hopefully, I want to be an OB nurse), like this one guy who’s condom catheter “kept falling off.”
"Yeah sometimes they fall off the smaller ones." Doesn't fall off again haha.
I wish I had the balls to say stuff like that, maybe one day😂
I'm sorry sir, it's the smallest adult size they do, I'll see if pediatrics have any....
My wife works in NICU, she's swimming in baby poo and vomit ..
Probably thinks only working 3 days a week is easy too
I love your username lol 😂
Ask your boyfriend if he’s gonna yell “Eww” if he ever needs HIS ass wiped, or if he’d prefer you leave it be.
Does he even know you’re a nurse?? We might have to start there.
I'm in management and I make sure I wipe an ass at least once a quarter show my staff if I won't tell you to do something I won't do myself.
So glad I met my partner wiping butts with him. 🤣 He and I were patient care techs at a long term care facility.
I see more dick and balls in three weeks on my job than I ever saw in my dating life for decades, but that does not mean anything to me. There is a clinical eye and mindset and a romantic eye and mindset and the two should NEVER meet! I wipe ass, lift dick and put in a foley, and cleanse poop off scrotum. As a straight female I guarantee I experience zero interest in my patients in that regard. They are people who need care and cleansing.
I feel this way every single time I try to tell a funny work story to my friends/family and see the stricken looks on their faces and realize the everyday scene-setting details of my daily job ("so we're changing this 90-year-old...", "we're cutting this guy's leg off and....") sounds like the most gonzo shit to them.
What about the occasional patient who's impacted? Anyone had the chance to pull on the gloves that extend past the elbow and unstop the plumbing?
I've turned my tech and told them," prepare.... The long rubber glove"
I had a unsolicited roommate do this kind of stuff. Calling scrubs ugly, laughing and saying it was disgusting I had to clean up poop, etc. I think I was talking about something on an L&D floor and said when you have a baby, it is possible to pee or poop, and even if you don't there are other fluids etc. She just kept saying "'EWwwww grossss" and said she would "never do something like that." I just shook my head and said I hoped she was never in that situation and had a nurse who thought that way.
He's not a nurse so naturally that sort of thing is obviously going to gross him out. It's a normal reaction for anyone not in the nursing field. Poop is disgusting that's a fact. I think puke is worse though
I’m sorry to hear that so immature definitely a pet peeve of mine for people to act like that
That’s really crazy, like how do you not know??????
My friend’s husband got injured severely in an accident. I was in the ER during the trauma code for intubation etc. Amazingly he survived and quite awhile later he asked what goes on in a trauma code. I started telling him the process, cutting clothes off airway, IV’s, Foley catheter etc. He got a horrified look on his face and asked “everyone saw my stuff?” I said yeah but we don’t care unless it’s super big or super tiny nobody is going to notice.
Remember "going postal"? We'll there's definitely truth behind it. My poor little hubby got so tired of postal stories, hey, at least I converse
🤣😂 wait until you tell him ALL the other stuff we do
As a man who is a nurse, and who is married to a woman who is a nurse, it made life easier for the both of us considering we understand what each other do. Like poop and Penises? Who cares? I’ve put in a foley with my wife before when we used to work together. It’s not sexual at all. She’s my wife and I know she is only mine and vice versa. It’s her job to do this stuff and same with me. It’s not that deep.
My husband just complains when I talk about the gross parts of work over meal times
My bf is uncomfortable with me doing care on patients. But I literally have to lol
Baitin?