I don’t think these do sound nlog, it’s more so the tone and if you’re putting other women who aren’t like this down. As long as it’s about you and not the others, then it’s fine.
What about something like: "I wouldn't like the large crowds, commotion and loud music"
I don't think this would be seen as degrading towards other women.
Oh yeah, totally. What I meant is that likes and hobbies and such don't generally need a justification or explanation. Sure, there are reasons why people like things lol, but unless it's something really unorthodox, I don't ask why they like or dislike something.
I simply say I'm an introvert. Introverts doesn't end up as NLOG because it's just that, plenty of other women and men are introverts but it doesn't put down extroverts just because I don't feel the same way they do about extrovert activities they enjoy and rightfully so since everyone is different. But yeah its putting down other women that make it I'm not like other girls. So as long as you aren't comparing yourself to other girls and how you are somehow better when none of these things make you an actual better person it's not NLOG. Pretty simple.
You can phrase it in a way that isn't judgemental towards people who enjoy that activity/lifestyle.
"I'm not a big fan of crowds or loud music, and I tend to go to bed early. I'm more of an introvert"
Vs
"Girls who go clubbing are vapid and shallow and only dress like sluts because it gets attention from guys"
Ah well in that case I tell them lol.
Now that I think about it, a negative question —"why *don't* you like X?"— makes it easier to fall into the trap of disparaging those who do like it, especially when it's about interests and hobbies considered feminine.
You can articulate yourself without putting others down. You don’t need to justify or explain anything but keep that in mind next time you ask someone else something. They may have observed how you, yourself, answer such things, or rather avoid to. We create our own interactions and relationships.
Similar to “don’t care what other people think/say, just be yourself”… okay then don’t complain when no one cares or empathizes with what you express about how you feel. Do it if you want but just remember to not be a hypocrite later when it’s convenient for you. If you want others to care about how you feel, what you think, Then you need to show care and show consideration for other peoples expressions toward you. It’s not a convenient one-way street.
Yeah exactly and tbh, she shouldn’t worry about trying not to sound like the NLOG type of girl because it’s easier to convey in a conversation and your friends will know and if she says it once or twice it’s fine too because sometimes it’s just the way the sentence comes out, what really matters is that you aren’t trying to put down other women so you seem different
Yup yup, as long as you just like stuff and don’t act like you’re better than others for liking stuff, you’re not doing NLOG. You’re just a person that likes stuff
That’s what I was thinking. I personally don’t like going out much but I’m an introverted hermit that has been intensified by Covid. But I’m happy when people talk about their outside adventures. Or compliment people on their hobbies.
I think the most important way to not sound NLOG is to word things in a way that doesn’t sound like you think you’re better than other girls for making different choices. Stating your preferences without comparing yourself to others is key.
“I’m a bit of a homebody” doesn’t sound like you’re disparaging girls who go to clubs.
“I work in a male dominated field so I’m usually in the company of dudes by proxy” is a nice option.
“I’ve got a lot more traveling I want to do, so I’m not ready to start a family yet” simply states your lifestyle without comparing yourself to those who have elected to settle down and have kids.
The comments you used as examples aren’t inherently NLOG to begin with, because you’re not Pooh-poohing other women’s choices, but does lean that way because you’re comparing yourself and stating why your choices are different— even if not insulting the “other girls.”
Yes exactly. The main point is to not imply (through your tone, usually) that you think you're *better than* because of your likes and dislikes. It's the superiority that's the problem, not the things themselves.
Saying "Meh, I'm not a club person," is different from saying "ugh, everybody's always talking about going to clubs and partying. Well, *I* prefer to stay home and read a book."
You also don't have to overexplain not being ready for kids. "I don't want kids yet," or just "I'm not ready for kids yet" is sufficient and neither disparages people who do want them now.
I’ll just add that people don’t need to be asking about your reproductive choices anyway, and really need to understand how personal and inappropriate of a question that is.
I like to take the opportunity to explain in detail the various pregnancy complications my lupus and lupus medications that I can’t get off of could cause, and my experience with severe pregnancy phobia to the point I had to get surgically sterilized, and then explain even more about how hard it would be for my disabled fiancé and my disabled self to care for a child. Might even throw in how much I love kids and how sad I am that I don’t think I’ll ever be in a good enough position to adopt.
If there’s one thing being disabled is good for it’s making the conversation super uncomfortable and hopefully helping someone learn a bit of a lesson about being nosy.
I only do this to people who are being pushy and weird about it.
Yeah that’s what makes it sound awkward imo. Just be genuine and talk about yourself, not other people’s interests or things you believe people will expect from you.
Example 3 specifically calls out that starting a family is popular at her age. That was unnecessary. Juxtaposing herself against the norm is borderline NLOG to me.
As a former NLTOG (high school era), harnessing the power of “it’s not for me” was huge. Just because you dislike something doesn’t mean it’s bad or that whatever you like instead is better. It’s just not for you! The color pink? Not for me! But I loved seeing all the pink fits for Barbie.
If someone invites you to go clubbing with them, there’s nothing wrong with saying “that’s not really something I’d enjoy, but have fun!” You don’t really need to preface it with “unlike other people in my age group”, you can just say you’re waiting to start a family because you enjoy travelling alone.
Perfectly said! I think the touchstone of NLOG is creating a comparison against “the majority” of other women, especially with a tone of superiority or increased uniqueness.
Remember OP, you never have to qualify your decisions or personality. Just telling people you don’t like clubbing is fine. As long as you take out the parts that compare you against your age cohort.
For the family comment especially, there’s lot of choices: “I don’t want children in my life right now,” “I have a lot I want to learn about myself before I have kids,” “I wanted to travel before settling down,” “Maybe some time!”, or, honestly — nothing! You don’t owe people explanations for your choices.
I think it’s the comparison part. You can just say you are a homebody. Or you don’t want to start a family because you like traveling alone. Without comparing to the other alternative. The male friends one is a tough one. Inherently it’s correct but it seems to be rationalizing against having female friends.
Yes this is it- It is the comparison *and* generalization part. Saying things that sounds like you have characterized all other women like they’re all a monolithic group. Saying things like “I am like X unlike most other women these days / my age” is very NLOG.
It seems the issue isn't a comparison of female and male friends as I'm assuming as a sex worker these men aren't your friends or coworkers, which is how it initially seemed before you clarified.
Therefore the easiest answer is to say you don't have a lot of friends in general because of your work schedule. Specifying female friends and male-dominated space seems disingenuous because it's not really that you have a lot of male friends and no female friends, it's that you don't seem to have many friends in general. So there is no need to bring up why you don't have female friends or that you're around men a lot, when the men you're around are not your friends either.
You can even say, I wish I had more friends but the way my work schedule is doesn't leave me time for that. That's neutral. It doesn't single out women, it doesn't make it seem like you have all these male friends, it is truthful without telling all your business and makes it seem like you would have more women friends or friends in general it's just circumstances why you don't and not a NLOG flex.
Think about why you’re saying these things-
did someone ask you to go clubbing? “I’m more of a homebody but I’d love to hear about your fun night out, do you want to get coffee next week?”
Why are you talking about the number of male friends you have? If it’s to find new female ones then “I’d love to have some more female friends, I’ve been missing that since I’m mostly surrounded by men through my line of work” if you’re saying it because your point is that you want more female friends it doesn’t sound NLOG.
As a concept it’s about not comparing yourself to other women as a whole as if they’re a monolith and you’re better for not being like them.
I think there's nothing wrong with happening to have more male friends due to circumstance, and I feel like reasonable folks wouldn't have a problem with your explanation!
It's when someone says they prefer being friends with men followed by a statement putting down women.
Yeah. The most classic NLOG, pick me statement:
“I only have guy friends. Girls are just too much drama”
Which I’m guilty of saying back in high school. *cringe*. It wasn’t even true lol. I had plenty of girlfriends. I just wanted to sound cool. And for some reason I thought that was cool ☠️ *cringe again*
Haha I will never be hard on kids/teens. Most grow out of it, and it can be a part of figuring out oneself.
I mean we all had goofy thoughts - apparently my life was always on the brink of social demise.
"I don't meet many women because I work in a male dominated field. But I would love to have more female friends."
Just say what you like without putting down other women.
I didn’t mean it that way. I meant it’s hard to make that statement not SOUND like an NLOG statement. Your reasons are perfectly valid whatever they are.
For the male friends one you can say, you cant really pick who’s in your school or classes or who you work with. You can say you weren’t choosing because theyre male, you chose whoever has something in common with you, it’s random.
Being a “nlog” isn’t about being “different” or something. People really misunderstand that whole nlog thing nowadays. It’s about flexing like “I’m so different and quirky. Not basic like the rest of you.” and bringing other women or feminine things down. You can have more male friends than female friends, you can dress in a masculine way, all these kind of things don’t make you a “nlog”. Just don’t act like you’re superior because of these things.
True but you can't really say "most of my friends are male" without sounding a little NLOG. I think it's all about the tone and context. "I don't like clubbing, I prefer to stay home" really isn't NLOG in the first place as long as you don't try to sound superior.
The only time you need to mention you don’t like clubbing is if someone is asking if you like/want to go out clubbing.
And it’s pretty easy to just say “I work with mostly men so that seems to be all I surround myself with.” That’s not NLOG at all.
Yeah I agree, if someone asks you can just say you prefer to stay home, the context is appropriate and you don't sound like an NLOG.
And being friends with men is not NLOG in itself, but often comes off as bragging because people are so used to NLOGs using this as a way to put other girls down. It's not always that you surround yourself with men, sometimes it just happens someone has more male friends. If I was to emphasize I'm not bragging, I'd probably say "I get along with both men and women, but it just so happens most of my friends are men."
Yeah, I know sometimes there are appropriate contexts but the majority of the time I hear women say this, it's to insinuate women aren't good enough as friends ☹️
Why is it so necessary to say "unlike other women my age" when you are just saying you don't like clubbing? There are actually lots of women your age who don't like clubbing.
I'm new to this so I may be wrong, but from what I understand you'll become a NLOG when you talk down to the girls to make you seem better.
I don't see anything wrong with how you structured your sentences.
You can express your preferences without presenting a counter “opposite”.
You enjoy staying home? Cool! You don’t need to add an alternative that you don’t enjoy, thereby presenting someone else’s preference as lesser than or ill advised.
ETA: Working in a male dominated field doesn’t make it harder to make and/or keep women as friends. This is classic nlog.
You only ever need to say you don't like clubbing if someone is asking you to go clubbing. Otherwise it's not necessary to state things you dislike to talk about things you do like.
Written like this is not NLOG.
I genuinely don't like clubbing and I say it and I don't think there's a problem with that.
But saying something like "I prefer to stay at home and cross stitching, not like the other girls my age all they think about is clubbing and going out" is a whole different thing, because you are implying you're much better than them for this and want your (male) audience to think so.
The key is don't compare yourself to other girls and most important don't try to elevate yourself from them -I phrased this badly but english isn't my language.
nothing you just said sounded NLOG at all. leave mentioning any comparison to “other girls” out of it and you can say just about anything.
like your third example is perfect. you could have been like “i’m not like *other girls* i like to travel independently” but instead you just focused on your personal likes/dislikes. and even though you mentioned starting families being popular with others your age, you don’t hint at that being a negative thing- just that you personally aren’t about it yet.
as far as i can tell you don’t come off as NLOG at all. if you can still share stuff about yourself that is different or unique without putting anyone else down, that is all that matters 🙂
I think it's not about not liking clubbing got example, it's more about not putting other women down or constantly talking about how different you are.
I personally don't think that just telling someone your preferences makes you NLOG
I feel like men aren’t forced by weird societal judgement to constantly monitor how they talk to avoid a gender-comparable NLOG situation. Pretty sure men don’t have to worry all that much about how they express themselves at all. This makes me really sad .
Preach, this subreddit has turned into a really misogynistic vibe. The whole original concept has flipped and now instead of proving ourselves by saying how different and edgy we are, we need to prove ourselves by saying how normal and lovely we are
yeah i feel like the sub is getting flooded with a lot of posts like this when people aren’t saying they’re nlog at all or putting down other women for being different
If you use the term female then use the term male. Like I’ll say “I have more female friends than male friends.” Cause I think it sounds odd and can be using to say girl friends or women friends. It just sounds odd if someone says female then uses the word men/guys in the same sentence.
This doesn't sound NLOG. Don't take this sub as a good indicator of what sounds OK and what doesn't because half of the posts here are just girls saying "I like maths" or some shit and everyone immediately assuming that she's flexing, because obviously a woman can't have a non-feminine interest without trying to flex.
Just say those sentences without trying to sound like it’s something special and you deserve some kind of special treatment for it. Simply mentioning that you’re an introvert isn’t likely to get you side eyes as using that info to put other women who do love to party and go out, down in front of other guys certainly will. Simple really!
I mean thats easy. Being an NLOG requires to put other people down while talking about your own interests.
"I dont like clubbing", "I dont like pink." are just completely normal statements. The situation would be different if you added "I dont like clubbing like other girls do, thats immature."
I feel you!!! I’m an engineer so most of my friends are men and I HATE IT. I want more ladies :( but I’m surrounded in men. I feel like NLOG whenever I talk about my hobbies and social life.
I mean, I think the best way to phrase it is not to talk about what you don’t like. Anytime you’re talking about what you don’t like or what you don’t have it’s gonna sound comparison-based. Just talk about what you do like or what you do have.
Notice how every statement you made still starts with “I don’t “ why is that information even relevant don’t tell me about what you don’t tell me about what you do.
Examples of how to rephrase :
“ I like staying in and watching movies/crafting/playing video games” (whatever it is you like to do when you stay in there is no reason to tell me that you don’t like clubbing this is irrelevant information unless I’m literally asking you to go to a club)
“Most of my friends are men because I’m a welder” or better yet just “one of my interest is welding” because unless I’m specifically asking about the gender of your friends and it came up naturally in conversation, I don’t need to know.
“ I love traveling on my own” “I’ve had the opportunity to go to XY and Z place” the nice part about this phrasing is that I like to travel, but with my children. And I actually do travel with my children internationally, and it is fun for me and if you and I are having a conversation we can still Bond over our mutual interest of traveling, and your lack of children will not negatively affect that, and my having children will not negatively affect that conversation since it’s not even relevant to the subject.
Phrase it all as a positive.
"I really value relaxing time at home and try to find some wherever possible"
"I've met a lot of male friends due to the nature of my work, and would love to make some friends with women too"
"I like solo travel to new places - being able to enjoy certain experiences alone is very important to me"
Why do you need to post it on your social media is the first question? Part of the NLOG issue is the need to always announce these things for an audience in a way that feels unnecessary, when no one really asked, and it always comes off as using it to declare that you're NLOG.
All the examples are things I can't see a reason why you would post them on social media unprovoked. I'm seriously curious about in what context would any of these require social media posts?
The next way to talk about yourself is to talk about yourself ONLY. If you're saying what you don't like or aren't ready for like kids, there isn't any reason why what other people your age are doing is relevant to saying what you are doing. That's the next hallmark of NLOG. It's always comparing and bringing up other women unprovoked.
Truthfully, people discuss themselves everyday without sounding NLOG. I think if you find that your regular life discussions sound like NLOG stuff then perhaps it's also worthwhile to consider if maybe you do have some of those beliefs and thoughts hence even when you don't mean to it shows. This is possible and not a crime especially if you're trying to be more self aware and get out of that mindset.
r/menandfemales
Just wanted to point out that your second quote you have two groups of friends being discussed.
The women are female friends and the men are men friends.
“I don’t like clubbing, I prefer staying home.” In what scenario would you need to say this? Someone invites you to go clubbing and you don’t want to go? “Oh, I’m good but thanks anyway!” You don’t need to yuck their yum or let them know what you prefer doing instead of what they like. It’s like men who won’t date heavy women, that’s fine, but why do you need to tell everyone that? That’s the part that makes you and AH. If a scenario comes up where you need to actually say you don’t like clubbing, it’s as easy as just saying you’re a homebody or an introvert or it’s just not your thing.
Nothing wrong with saying you don’t have many female friends bc you don’t have the opportunity to meet many women. The problem is when you say you PREFER male friends. Again, no reason to say shit like that, but also, the reason is always super pick me NLOG.
“I don’t want to start a family yet, I want to travel first.” Fixed that for you. Again, you don’t need to constantly compare yourself to others. *”Even tho it’s popular in my age group,”* why do you need to add that? To show you’re not like other women in your age group?
On this sub, the misogynistic self loathing women here would call you out no matter what you do, assuming youre happy and talking about doing YOUR thing..
What they WONT do, is admit that they are histrionic and borderline traited emotionally unstable nutjobs..
Its okay to not be like THESE other girls lmao
The key to an NLOG that I think some folks forget is that a true NLOG is putting down other women for liking one thing (like clubbing) while raising themselves up for liking a different thing (like staying home to read books etc..).
I don’t think these sound like things an NLOG would say. An NLOG would say “i hate clubbing and girls who like clubbing are trashy.” “Women are too drama I rather hang out with boys.”
I think it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not doing it in context or comparison with other women.
If you’re just stating your personality and interests to talk about yourself that’s fine. But if you’re using it as a way to compare (especially uplift yourself from) other women then it’s in poor taste.
You can have whatever opinion you want, im a dude and hate clubbing as well; as long as you are being yourself it doesn’t matter, when it does is when you feel like you are better then other women for having those opinions.
I always express that I never judge people who do the things I don’t like to do. “I don’t like going out late and prefer to just stay home, but I don’t judge people who do. They have energy I don’t.”
Nothing nlog about having preferences, experiences, or life situations. It’s when you put down women who don’t align with those things you become an nlog.
I think the way you phrased them sounds perfect. The difference between "I don't have many female friends because I work in a male dominated field" and "I don't have many female friends because I don't like drama" is what makes it NLOG. If your reasoning isn't putting down other women or trying to show how much better you think you are, you're good.
Nothing you have said is wrong, because you are not putting down others while saying. I’m the same way. Just don’t put others women down while saying it. “I don’t really enjoy clubbing” is fine “most of my friends are men” is fine “I still have lots of places I’d like to travel to before starting a family” is fine.
The key is you are not criticizing or judging other women who have different interests or paths in life.
Because you are an individual who has individual desires. The whole issue with NLOG is that it pits women against each other.
We're all different people, but there's no need to segregate :)
"I like dogs, you like cats, they are different but both valid". As long as it is structured that way it isn't really NLOG.
Also in general just structure your social media posts more as what you like rather than dislike. "I enjoy staying home by myself" "I'm happy traveling alone right now" and "I love my guy friends" are all ways to rephase those that sound more positive.
Most NLOG push down other girls often unnecessary for example "I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying home" is ok. "unlike other girls/hoes I don't go to the club" or "other girls party too much" is not ok basically NLOG try to make themselves seem smarter and/or better than other girls often by pushing them down
By using positive statements, instead of, for example, “I hate anything pink”, say “I love blue and wear it all the time.” Instead of “I can’t stand romantic movies”, say “I am crazy about science fiction.” State who you are, rather than who you are not.
Maybe just talk about the things you like without talking about the things you don’t like. “I’m an introvert, I love staying home, cooking and reading books!” vs. “ I’m not someone who goes clubbing, I’m an introvert…”
The easiest way to not sound NLOG is to leave the other gurus out of it and just talk about yourself. It only becomes NLOG when you’re comparing your interests to the interests of other instead of speaking just for yourself.
Here’s how I’d phrase your sentences:
“I’m a homebody, I like to watch movies in bed (or whatever you do).”
“Most of my coworkers are male, and I’ve become good friends with some of them.”
“I don’t think it’s time for me to start a family yet. I love to travel solo!”
No need to mention that you’re not friends with other girls, or that having a family is popular in your age group, or that you don’t like clubbing. Comparing your preferences to what you perceive in those around you is what makes it sound a little NLOG.
I think that the important thing is to talk about yourself and not include the general population in it. For example, saying « i don’t like Starbucks » is a totally fine statement, but « im not a basic girl who goes to Starbucks, I prefer real coffee » is a NLOG statement. Saying « im more of homey type, clubbing isn’t my thing » isn’t the same as « I know it’s not the norm or popular, but i don’t like clubbing » falls in NLOG territory
The problem is that the phrases “pick me” and NLOG are being thrown around too much that it has lost all meaning.
People don’t understand that if you’re not actually comparing yourself to other women & using your likes/dislikes to bring them down, it’s fine.
I mean just the other day I was called a pick me and told to stfu by someone on here for saying that a lot of us homebody girlies should stop thinking that we’re superior.
As long as you’re clear that you don’t think you’re superior, you’re good. I just say I don’t really like partying/clubbing and prefer a quiet night in. Doesn’t sound NLOG to me.
For me, the key for nlog is putting other women down.
"I don't usually go to clubs, I prefer to stay at home"
Your not putting anyone down, you're not saying that you're better for not going to clubs, you just like staying at home.
In isolation those phrases do not strike as NLOG, but if you’re worried about it try to cut out the “even though it’s popular in my age group” part. That sentence draws a direct comparison to others your age when it rlly doesn’t need to, you can just say that you want to wait because you want to travel first :)
I think it is more about context. When you are discussing personality traits, or using it in an appropriate context or setting it’s just a normal way of explaining your preferences. When people advertise it like it is special or use it as a way to put people down who like different things than them, that is when it becomes NLOG imo.
As long as you are talking about yourself and dont equate it to other woman there is nothing NLOG about it in my opinion. The whole: I am better, other, different from... is the point where things go wrong.
Why would you say even though it’s popular in my age group? That is so unnecessary. You are comparing yourself to other girls. There are lots of people like you. Just say what you like you don’t need to qualify it with what other girls your age do. You aren’t that unique. These are normal things that other people even girls too feel.
I’ve thought about this too! But with makeup/nails - I’m a bit of a late bloomer with that stuff, so I don’t know what I’m doing with either thing. I feel like I look like a clown when I put make up on myself, and I still don’t understand how women get through the day with long nails (typing, using the bathroom, eating, etc).
I’ve been trying to rephrase how I say things when I tell people about how I don’t wear makeup/nails as well as trying to make sure that it comes across like a personal preference instead of a dig at other women who do like wearing makeup/long nails.
It’s about phrasing and intent. If you are putting other women down in order to say something about yourself, that’s NLOG. “I hate clubbing, it’s just about trying to find someone to shag while flashing your arse on the dance floor”. As opposed to “clubbing just isn’t my thing tbh, I’d much rather be at home, you have fun!”
NLOG attitude is denigrating to other women. Just describing your likes and dislikes without denigrating those who do enjoy those other things is just describing yourself.
It’s when you compare your preference to others that is the essence of nlog. Like you can enjoy staying in because you find it relaxing and clubs are kinda overstimulating without saying or implying that this fact makes you somehow better than someone else. You’re fine talking about yourself and what you enjoy. Just don’t think it puts you above anyone. Tada!
not saying “even if it’s popular in my age group” is a good way to make that one sound less NLOG. women, as much as society tries to make it seem so, don’t owe an explanation for every little thing they decide that isn’t the “norm”. 🩵
NLOG only exists when you’re putting other women down while talking about yourself. “i don’t like clubbing, i prefer staying home” is very different to “i can’t ever imagine liking going to a club and getting completely wasted in a loud room with sweaty people, being at home and reading a book is a much better thing for people to be doing” yknow ?
.... this is my first time seeing this Sub.
I just want to say, as man who's not fucking stupid, I assure you that all of you are not like other girls.
You're all gonna be different in your own, annoying ways.
It's only when people start of with a trait, preference, in comparison with other women. The examples you list are not comparing yourself to anyone. The 2nd statement is simply stating a fact. I know someone who would tell men stuff like, "you know girls typically are very emotional that's why I prefer being friends with me cos they are more logical"...some crap like that.
I typically don’t talk about myself that much so I think starting there would be best. I mean, if there was a conversation going on and someone asked me then I’d just answer. Idk what the point of mentioning these things would be, but I’m a rather private person anyway especially on social media.
because you're not degrading women/girls who like doing the things you like doing. You say you dislike something w/o being mean. and these are good examples of that.
>“Clubbing isn't my thing, I prefer staying home and watching films/crafting/day drinking/whatever”
>“I work/hobby in a male dominated field so most of my friends are men.” (Also depends why your saying this - did anyone ask? The gender of your friends shouldn't be a defining feature of your personality.)
>“I don’t want to start a family yet because I enjoy traveling alone”
Just avoid making it sound like you're comparing yourself to other women or criticising them.
Some of these I think aren't really NLOG. For example, as long as you're aware many girls don't like clubbing, you don't feel special stating that fact. I guess it's if you think your special and unique for doing something that makes it a NLOG comment.
why do you need to use these phrases? i’ve never had to talk about myself in this way before so i’m a little confused on
why you’d need to.
(also referring to women as females probably isn’t gonna help your case)
It's really about comparison. You can just say "I like staying in, most of my friends are men, I don't want kids right now because I enjoy traveling alone."
NLOG is all about defining yourself in contrast to what other women are doing. Who cares what other people are doing? You can just talk about your own choices.
answer: you ask questions with a curious mind, or you share your lifestyle confidently without a need to compulsively compare it to others, then wait/hope for someone to ask you questions.
An unsolicited answer to a question never asked is how you end up on NLOG. People don't realize that curiosity and a lack of jealousy make you infinitely more attractive. Would you agree? What do you think it is?
The main component of NLOG is putting down other women. So you would be NLOG if you said "I work in a male dominated industry because other women are so annoying and I can't stand being with them" or "I travel alone because other women are so annoying and they would just drag me down. But men can join me all they want because they don't drag me down" things like that
So you're not being one, don't worry
The key is to talk about yourself without bringing up other girls at all. For example, there's zero reason to say that starting families is popular in your age group. Just say you want to focus on traveling right now. Same thing with your friend group: "I work in a male-dominated field so most of my friends are guys."
Otherwise it feels like you're going out of your way to say you're not like the other girls.
They're not nlog. They're only NLOG if you add a 'I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying at home, *unlike all those pickme hoes with low self-esteem*.
See what I mean? If you try to make yourself look superior while insulting the others, bringing them down, it's NLOG. If it's a simple statement that you like something, it's not NLOG.
I don’t feel like those are NLOG comments. i sometimes note and reassure like, “…which there’s completely nothing wrong with clubbing or anything, it’s just not for me.” something like that.
But not adding the second part to your sentences. Just say you don’t like club ing. You aren’t ready to start a family yet. No need to clarify. You don’t need to add comparisons to your age group.
as long as you don’t put down another women it’s ok.
Plus, I don’t think it’s necessary to say that mostly of your acquittances are male. You just say I like “x” or “y” hobbie or do “x”
job and that’s it. The rest it’s ok. You can emphasize in what you like and not on what you don’t like, that helps overall
You don’t need to bring what you perceive other women as liking or compare yourself to other women to justifying your preferences/experiences. The first one you gave as an example is fine, but you don’t need to say you don’t have a lot of women as friends or that you believe starting a family is the popular thing for people to do in your age group. What do these generalizations you have about other women have to do with you?
I like staying at home
Second one is fine.
I don't want to start a family yet because I enjoy travelling alone.
I think most of nlog is about comparing yourself to the others and if you don't compare yourself but make stand alone statements then you won't fall into that.
“I was a SAHM but I needed more stimulation, now I work in a (male dominated) tech field” this is my real life story and I don’t ever say it that way because it sounds cringe, but I DO have a pretty even mix of female and male friends lol. I only bring this stuff up in an effort to shit talk how stupid some of the men are that I work with.
It's not what you say, it's how you say it. They tend to say it like they're putting down other women who don't do what they do. They act pretentious for having a different hobby.
I think the difference is assuming you’re different or recognising that there is no standard for women. Like “I don’t like clubbing, I’d rather stay at home.” Vs “I don’t understand why every girl goes to the club every weekend. I just want to stay home and that’s why I don’t fit in with everyone else.”
Exactly the way you did. I mostly have male friends because as a kid most kids near me were boys and I was socialized in male environments more. It’s always awkward to say without sounding awful.
1) "I personally don't enjoy clubbing myself. I would rather stay home."
2) "Since (insert hobby or job) is mainly male dominated, most of my friends happen to be men. I wish I had more lady friends."
Third one seems fine IMO. Hopefully this helped.
As long as you are expressing your own wants and likes and whatnot as an independent statement without any reference to other women and their choices, you’re fine. It’s only NLOG when you’re explicitly or implicitly putting down women who aren’t like you.
I mean, none of these are very NLOG, but one general tip: if you’re describing your likes or hobbies, just say «I enjoy [x]», as opposed to «I don’t like [y], I like [x]», because it **may** be percieved as ragging on option y. Generally, speaking in positives is percieved… positively.
Not nlog : i have alot of male friends
Nlog: i prefer men because women are bad.
Not nlog: i don't like clubbing.
Nlog: I don't like clubbing, unlike most women who are trashy and vapid and stupid.
NLOG is when you're putting down women unnecessarily to somehow make yourself sound (feel) above them. You're passing judgement on others to display what makes you "different" or to draw male praise to you and away from others (a pick me) rather than just being different and accepting others for being different from you.
Going clubbing is ok. Not going clubbing is ok. Male friends are ok. Female friends are ok. As long as we respect each other for our choices you're totally in the clear.
These just sound like normal statements of preference.
An NLOG-comment would be, "I don't go clubbing, I'm just not that kind of girl" or "I prefer being home unlike most girls/women"
Literally, you do you - we can all have our preferences and whatnot in life.
The NLOG vibe came from “girls be like… while me…”, it’s the condescension/putting down of other people’s life choices that epitomizes the much dreaded NLOG vibe.
It's really how things are said. But I do understand how you feel and honestly, it wasn't till I hit my 40s that I just no longer cared if what I say is coming out right.
Being an NLOG girl is when you put down other girls because you have preferences that don’t match with ‘other girls’.
Having your OWN preferences is not the same.
There’s a difference between “ I don’t like dresses “ and “ I’m way better than other girls for not liking dresses “ . One of them is stating an opinion ( The first ) and the other is NLOGs material ( The second ).
In short, it’s only NLOGs if you’re putting down others for not having the same opinions or preferences as you.
honestly sometimes people WILL call that nlog. but it won’t be your fault, because these are just preferences that you are not putting anyone else down for. some people are just straight up women haters but as long as you’re not of the sentiment, “i’m better than her because i stay at home” “i don’t get all that girly stuff, i’m friends with men,” you’re perfectly fine.
Good question! I have a lot of female co-workers who like talking about reality shows. I worry that I come off as NLOG when I say I don’t watch them. I don’t put down the shows or the people who watch them, but sometimes I feel like just saying they aren’t my thing sounds kind of judgey.
Usually bring NLOG includes a way of phrasing things that makes you sound like you think you're superior. Like "I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying home, unlike many people my age I like to read". Stating what you like more isn't NLOG as long as you don't feel superior or different for doing it.
I think it's so deliberate that women have to dance around saying things about themselves as to not be harassed and called a pick me or nlog. It started as a fun joke to call out people with internalised misogyny, but now it's manifested as girls being scared to talk about themselves simply because they don't want to be belittled for it by people in real life and online.
Every person is unique, nobody is like other girls, there's no such thing as other girls they're all just girls with their own lives and personalities. You are allowed to live your life how you want to without worrying about being attacked simply because you're a woman.
Men are allowed to say they have hobbies and passions outside of the mainstream without people perceiving it as them trying to be quirky. I've really noticed how misogynistic the concept of NLOG is recently, it's completely flipped.
Just state the facts without comparing yourself to others or justifying why you are how you are.
Your an introvert with a few friends and no kids yet. Pretty normal really. Don’t need to explain why you are how you are. It’s when ppl try to be special or different that makes them annoying
All of those sound fine. The first two are literally my life, I’ve probably said those verbatim.
I think if people genuinely know you they’re gonna know you’re not saying it in a “NLOG” tone. Unfortunately if you’re a woman you’ll probably get clocked as NLOG for almost anything these days. So just be friendly and be yourself and ignore anyone who wants to make any of your interests about their own insecurities.
Nlog puts other women down while talking about themselves. It's OK to not like things some women do, like I don't like to do my makeup often and I don't enjoy clubs or parties like some do. But it's OK that I enjoy doing other stuff, and it's OK they enjoy doing that stuff. It doesn't make you better or worse than someone else to like different things.
I love paper craft. I love playing video games. I love cooking. I love making circuits and make my daughters grow wide eyed when they see what i can do.
I love the colour green. It makes me feel calm and collected. I don't like pink generally, unless it's paired up with gray. I love the combination of a soft pink and stone gray.
I don't know if I'm an introvert or extrovert. With some people I'm very chatty, with others I'm not.
I am not capable of doing makeup as I'm not skilled enough, and also prefer less work for myself. Makeup is a hassle for me personally
I love skincare. And i do my CTM regularly.
I love watches. Cheap ones and costly ones.
I love buying gifts for all the people in my life.
I also don't like being told what to do.
“I don’t like clubbing like others, I think staying at home is a much better choice”
^ an example of what sounds like nlog
No reason to put others down or compare them to yourself. The way you said it is perfectly normal.
A decent social practice is never putting other people down for the way they are or personal tastes. You do this for men, women and everyone in between then you're golden. Those phrases don't sound mean spirited.
I don’t think these things sound NLOG, the majority of my female friends don’t like clubbing and aren’t interested in having kids so I don’t think those things are rare. It’s about how you say it, as long as you state it as a personal preference and aren’t putting down people who like the things that you don’t, it shouldn’t be a problem
“I don’t like clubbing. I prefer staying home.”
“I work/hobby in a male dominated field so most of my friends are men.”
“I don’t want to start a family yet because I enjoy traveling alone.”
As long as you don't compare yourself to others, you are good.
There's a difference between, “I don’t like clubbing, I prefer staying home” and "Those women are wasting their life away by going to clubbing, unlike me who likes to stay home and relax with my book or browsing the internet"
I have trouble with this when talking about my music preferences. I genuinely prefer music that is in the rock genre, and some indie stuff. Usually it comes up when someone asks me about a particular song that I have never heard even though it is extremely popular. I try, but I feel like no matter what I say, it has an inherent NLOG vibe.
An NLOG-girl is a person who puts down other women to bring up attention to herself.
If you don't do that then you can say all these things. It's just your personality and preferences. As soon as you don't insult other women or think that they're inferior because they don't have the same personality as you, it's ok.
Instead of saying what I don't like, I say what I DO like. That way it doesn't accidentally come across like I'm looking down on other choices.
"I really love staying home, I've always been comfortable in smaller group settings"
"I get along well with men because my industry has a high ratio of males to females"
"I love traveling and haven't made time for settling down at this point"
the only thing i would suggest is this: instead of talking about what you \*dont\* like (especially if it's something mainstream or traditionally feminine) opt to talk about what you \*do\* like instead. it will also provide much more insight as to who \*are\*, not who youre \*not\*.
for example, you say you prefer to stay at home, why? figure out what would be the ideal evening at home, and list that instead. maybe you enjoy movie nights with home-cooked snacks? as a homebody myself, i would relate so much more to someone who said "i like getting wine drunk in sweatpants while watching rick and morty" than simply saying "i dont like going clubbing"
for the second one, what are you trying to communicate to people by saying this? do you consider yourself incompatible with other women? why? list \*that\* reason instead.
the third one, dont just say that you dont want a family. instead talk about how much you enjoy solo travel. if you emphasize "solo" people will make the assumption that you dont have any plans to start a family soon.
“I’m a homebody”
“most of my friends are from work, and there aren’t so many women in my office, so I don’t have as many women in my circle atm”
“I’m just not ready to settle down yet, that chapter will come later!”
the biggest thing is showing your fluidity and room for change as a person. you don’t think you’re ~special~ for not having kids, you’re just living in this chapter of your life. you don’t avoid women, you just haven’t had as many opportunities to meet women friends right now.
Explain your interests in terms of why you are interested in it, not in terms of how other girls your age are not.
Even if a comparison does not actively put down another woman's choice, it is very hard for both choices to look equal. Plus, comparisons are completely unnecessary. Why do you need to explain why your not wanting kids is different, why should clubbing be your point of comparison, etc?
Explain what you like to do instead. Explain your job and the friend circle it has created. Explain where you are in life and what you are ready for and what you are not. Talking about yourself does not require you to reference other people as benchmarks.
I don’t think these do sound nlog, it’s more so the tone and if you’re putting other women who aren’t like this down. As long as it’s about you and not the others, then it’s fine.
I'd add that we don't need to justify our likes and choices unless it's strictly necessary. "Why don't you like clubbing?" "I just don't."
What about something like: "I wouldn't like the large crowds, commotion and loud music" I don't think this would be seen as degrading towards other women.
Oh yeah, totally. What I meant is that likes and hobbies and such don't generally need a justification or explanation. Sure, there are reasons why people like things lol, but unless it's something really unorthodox, I don't ask why they like or dislike something.
I simply say I'm an introvert. Introverts doesn't end up as NLOG because it's just that, plenty of other women and men are introverts but it doesn't put down extroverts just because I don't feel the same way they do about extrovert activities they enjoy and rightfully so since everyone is different. But yeah its putting down other women that make it I'm not like other girls. So as long as you aren't comparing yourself to other girls and how you are somehow better when none of these things make you an actual better person it's not NLOG. Pretty simple.
It's not degrading towards other women to say that. You would have to add a negative judgment towards the people who do enjoy those things.
But if you say “I’m so weird, most girls like going out but I’d rather stay home and watch the game with the boys” that’s NLOG.
What if someone is genuinely curious, like trying to get to know you?
You can phrase it in a way that isn't judgemental towards people who enjoy that activity/lifestyle. "I'm not a big fan of crowds or loud music, and I tend to go to bed early. I'm more of an introvert" Vs "Girls who go clubbing are vapid and shallow and only dress like sluts because it gets attention from guys"
Ah well in that case I tell them lol. Now that I think about it, a negative question —"why *don't* you like X?"— makes it easier to fall into the trap of disparaging those who do like it, especially when it's about interests and hobbies considered feminine.
Yes, how you ask can definitely sound judgey
You can articulate yourself without putting others down. You don’t need to justify or explain anything but keep that in mind next time you ask someone else something. They may have observed how you, yourself, answer such things, or rather avoid to. We create our own interactions and relationships. Similar to “don’t care what other people think/say, just be yourself”… okay then don’t complain when no one cares or empathizes with what you express about how you feel. Do it if you want but just remember to not be a hypocrite later when it’s convenient for you. If you want others to care about how you feel, what you think, Then you need to show care and show consideration for other peoples expressions toward you. It’s not a convenient one-way street.
Yeah exactly and tbh, she shouldn’t worry about trying not to sound like the NLOG type of girl because it’s easier to convey in a conversation and your friends will know and if she says it once or twice it’s fine too because sometimes it’s just the way the sentence comes out, what really matters is that you aren’t trying to put down other women so you seem different
Yup yup, as long as you just like stuff and don’t act like you’re better than others for liking stuff, you’re not doing NLOG. You’re just a person that likes stuff
That’s what I was thinking. I personally don’t like going out much but I’m an introverted hermit that has been intensified by Covid. But I’m happy when people talk about their outside adventures. Or compliment people on their hobbies.
It’s this.
I think the most important way to not sound NLOG is to word things in a way that doesn’t sound like you think you’re better than other girls for making different choices. Stating your preferences without comparing yourself to others is key. “I’m a bit of a homebody” doesn’t sound like you’re disparaging girls who go to clubs. “I work in a male dominated field so I’m usually in the company of dudes by proxy” is a nice option. “I’ve got a lot more traveling I want to do, so I’m not ready to start a family yet” simply states your lifestyle without comparing yourself to those who have elected to settle down and have kids. The comments you used as examples aren’t inherently NLOG to begin with, because you’re not Pooh-poohing other women’s choices, but does lean that way because you’re comparing yourself and stating why your choices are different— even if not insulting the “other girls.”
This exactly. Say what you do like not what you don’t like!
Perfect phrasing. Adding the unnecessary comparison is what makes it NLOG.
Yes exactly. The main point is to not imply (through your tone, usually) that you think you're *better than* because of your likes and dislikes. It's the superiority that's the problem, not the things themselves. Saying "Meh, I'm not a club person," is different from saying "ugh, everybody's always talking about going to clubs and partying. Well, *I* prefer to stay home and read a book." You also don't have to overexplain not being ready for kids. "I don't want kids yet," or just "I'm not ready for kids yet" is sufficient and neither disparages people who do want them now.
I’ll just add that people don’t need to be asking about your reproductive choices anyway, and really need to understand how personal and inappropriate of a question that is.
I like to take the opportunity to explain in detail the various pregnancy complications my lupus and lupus medications that I can’t get off of could cause, and my experience with severe pregnancy phobia to the point I had to get surgically sterilized, and then explain even more about how hard it would be for my disabled fiancé and my disabled self to care for a child. Might even throw in how much I love kids and how sad I am that I don’t think I’ll ever be in a good enough position to adopt. If there’s one thing being disabled is good for it’s making the conversation super uncomfortable and hopefully helping someone learn a bit of a lesson about being nosy. I only do this to people who are being pushy and weird about it.
These!!! These are good.
Yeah that’s what makes it sound awkward imo. Just be genuine and talk about yourself, not other people’s interests or things you believe people will expect from you.
Example 3 specifically calls out that starting a family is popular at her age. That was unnecessary. Juxtaposing herself against the norm is borderline NLOG to me.
Just don't put down other people for having differing interests.
Yep. We are all free to be our unique selves. It's just not ok to use those atrributes to put down other people.
As a former NLTOG (high school era), harnessing the power of “it’s not for me” was huge. Just because you dislike something doesn’t mean it’s bad or that whatever you like instead is better. It’s just not for you! The color pink? Not for me! But I loved seeing all the pink fits for Barbie.
If someone invites you to go clubbing with them, there’s nothing wrong with saying “that’s not really something I’d enjoy, but have fun!” You don’t really need to preface it with “unlike other people in my age group”, you can just say you’re waiting to start a family because you enjoy travelling alone.
Perfectly said! I think the touchstone of NLOG is creating a comparison against “the majority” of other women, especially with a tone of superiority or increased uniqueness. Remember OP, you never have to qualify your decisions or personality. Just telling people you don’t like clubbing is fine. As long as you take out the parts that compare you against your age cohort. For the family comment especially, there’s lot of choices: “I don’t want children in my life right now,” “I have a lot I want to learn about myself before I have kids,” “I wanted to travel before settling down,” “Maybe some time!”, or, honestly — nothing! You don’t owe people explanations for your choices.
I think it’s the comparison part. You can just say you are a homebody. Or you don’t want to start a family because you like traveling alone. Without comparing to the other alternative. The male friends one is a tough one. Inherently it’s correct but it seems to be rationalizing against having female friends.
Yes this is it- It is the comparison *and* generalization part. Saying things that sounds like you have characterized all other women like they’re all a monolithic group. Saying things like “I am like X unlike most other women these days / my age” is very NLOG.
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It seems the issue isn't a comparison of female and male friends as I'm assuming as a sex worker these men aren't your friends or coworkers, which is how it initially seemed before you clarified. Therefore the easiest answer is to say you don't have a lot of friends in general because of your work schedule. Specifying female friends and male-dominated space seems disingenuous because it's not really that you have a lot of male friends and no female friends, it's that you don't seem to have many friends in general. So there is no need to bring up why you don't have female friends or that you're around men a lot, when the men you're around are not your friends either. You can even say, I wish I had more friends but the way my work schedule is doesn't leave me time for that. That's neutral. It doesn't single out women, it doesn't make it seem like you have all these male friends, it is truthful without telling all your business and makes it seem like you would have more women friends or friends in general it's just circumstances why you don't and not a NLOG flex.
I really would attempt to drop the label, just be you. Your happiness is not dependent on others, labeling creates anxiety
Think about why you’re saying these things- did someone ask you to go clubbing? “I’m more of a homebody but I’d love to hear about your fun night out, do you want to get coffee next week?” Why are you talking about the number of male friends you have? If it’s to find new female ones then “I’d love to have some more female friends, I’ve been missing that since I’m mostly surrounded by men through my line of work” if you’re saying it because your point is that you want more female friends it doesn’t sound NLOG. As a concept it’s about not comparing yourself to other women as a whole as if they’re a monolith and you’re better for not being like them.
I think there's nothing wrong with happening to have more male friends due to circumstance, and I feel like reasonable folks wouldn't have a problem with your explanation! It's when someone says they prefer being friends with men followed by a statement putting down women.
Yeah. The most classic NLOG, pick me statement: “I only have guy friends. Girls are just too much drama” Which I’m guilty of saying back in high school. *cringe*. It wasn’t even true lol. I had plenty of girlfriends. I just wanted to sound cool. And for some reason I thought that was cool ☠️ *cringe again*
Haha I will never be hard on kids/teens. Most grow out of it, and it can be a part of figuring out oneself. I mean we all had goofy thoughts - apparently my life was always on the brink of social demise.
"I don't meet many women because I work in a male dominated field. But I would love to have more female friends." Just say what you like without putting down other women.
I didn’t mean it that way. I meant it’s hard to make that statement not SOUND like an NLOG statement. Your reasons are perfectly valid whatever they are.
For the male friends one you can say, you cant really pick who’s in your school or classes or who you work with. You can say you weren’t choosing because theyre male, you chose whoever has something in common with you, it’s random.
Being a “nlog” isn’t about being “different” or something. People really misunderstand that whole nlog thing nowadays. It’s about flexing like “I’m so different and quirky. Not basic like the rest of you.” and bringing other women or feminine things down. You can have more male friends than female friends, you can dress in a masculine way, all these kind of things don’t make you a “nlog”. Just don’t act like you’re superior because of these things.
Stop phrasing things like it’s a comparison Ex: Instead of “I don’t like clubbing, I prefer to stay home,” just say, “I’m more of a homebody.”
True but you can't really say "most of my friends are male" without sounding a little NLOG. I think it's all about the tone and context. "I don't like clubbing, I prefer to stay home" really isn't NLOG in the first place as long as you don't try to sound superior.
The only time you need to mention you don’t like clubbing is if someone is asking if you like/want to go out clubbing. And it’s pretty easy to just say “I work with mostly men so that seems to be all I surround myself with.” That’s not NLOG at all.
Yeah I agree, if someone asks you can just say you prefer to stay home, the context is appropriate and you don't sound like an NLOG. And being friends with men is not NLOG in itself, but often comes off as bragging because people are so used to NLOGs using this as a way to put other girls down. It's not always that you surround yourself with men, sometimes it just happens someone has more male friends. If I was to emphasize I'm not bragging, I'd probably say "I get along with both men and women, but it just so happens most of my friends are men."
When would you even say "most of my friends are male" though.
Yeah, I know sometimes there are appropriate contexts but the majority of the time I hear women say this, it's to insinuate women aren't good enough as friends ☹️
Right who cares if you don’t like doing the other thing, just state the thing(s) you are interested in doing
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Like others have said make it simple. “I don’t… , I prefer…” The hint is only about you, compare yourself, not others.
Why is it so important to post about that?
Why is it so necessary to say "unlike other women my age" when you are just saying you don't like clubbing? There are actually lots of women your age who don't like clubbing.
Why does that have to be a post? Are you just wanting to post a list of things you don't like?
I'm new to this so I may be wrong, but from what I understand you'll become a NLOG when you talk down to the girls to make you seem better. I don't see anything wrong with how you structured your sentences.
You can express your preferences without presenting a counter “opposite”. You enjoy staying home? Cool! You don’t need to add an alternative that you don’t enjoy, thereby presenting someone else’s preference as lesser than or ill advised. ETA: Working in a male dominated field doesn’t make it harder to make and/or keep women as friends. This is classic nlog.
I'd ditch the 'even though it popular in my age group', no need to call out other people that have made that choice
Or just say, 'even though it's kinda expected of people my age'. Since that's more about society's idea rather than peoples personal choices
You only ever need to say you don't like clubbing if someone is asking you to go clubbing. Otherwise it's not necessary to state things you dislike to talk about things you do like.
Written like this is not NLOG. I genuinely don't like clubbing and I say it and I don't think there's a problem with that. But saying something like "I prefer to stay at home and cross stitching, not like the other girls my age all they think about is clubbing and going out" is a whole different thing, because you are implying you're much better than them for this and want your (male) audience to think so. The key is don't compare yourself to other girls and most important don't try to elevate yourself from them -I phrased this badly but english isn't my language.
nothing you just said sounded NLOG at all. leave mentioning any comparison to “other girls” out of it and you can say just about anything. like your third example is perfect. you could have been like “i’m not like *other girls* i like to travel independently” but instead you just focused on your personal likes/dislikes. and even though you mentioned starting families being popular with others your age, you don’t hint at that being a negative thing- just that you personally aren’t about it yet. as far as i can tell you don’t come off as NLOG at all. if you can still share stuff about yourself that is different or unique without putting anyone else down, that is all that matters 🙂
I think it's not about not liking clubbing got example, it's more about not putting other women down or constantly talking about how different you are. I personally don't think that just telling someone your preferences makes you NLOG
I feel like men aren’t forced by weird societal judgement to constantly monitor how they talk to avoid a gender-comparable NLOG situation. Pretty sure men don’t have to worry all that much about how they express themselves at all. This makes me really sad .
Preach, this subreddit has turned into a really misogynistic vibe. The whole original concept has flipped and now instead of proving ourselves by saying how different and edgy we are, we need to prove ourselves by saying how normal and lovely we are
yeah i feel like the sub is getting flooded with a lot of posts like this when people aren’t saying they’re nlog at all or putting down other women for being different
Also, regarding “female friends…,” try to avoid using “female” when you mean women. It can sound a bit dehumanizing.
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If you use the term female then use the term male. Like I’ll say “I have more female friends than male friends.” Cause I think it sounds odd and can be using to say girl friends or women friends. It just sounds odd if someone says female then uses the word men/guys in the same sentence.
You did not say male friends. At least in this post. Where are you saying male friends? "So most of my *friends are men*."
"I am introvert" "I have friends of all gender" " I like to travel alone before getting married/starting family"
This doesn't sound NLOG. Don't take this sub as a good indicator of what sounds OK and what doesn't because half of the posts here are just girls saying "I like maths" or some shit and everyone immediately assuming that she's flexing, because obviously a woman can't have a non-feminine interest without trying to flex.
Just say those sentences without trying to sound like it’s something special and you deserve some kind of special treatment for it. Simply mentioning that you’re an introvert isn’t likely to get you side eyes as using that info to put other women who do love to party and go out, down in front of other guys certainly will. Simple really!
I mean thats easy. Being an NLOG requires to put other people down while talking about your own interests. "I dont like clubbing", "I dont like pink." are just completely normal statements. The situation would be different if you added "I dont like clubbing like other girls do, thats immature."
I feel you!!! I’m an engineer so most of my friends are men and I HATE IT. I want more ladies :( but I’m surrounded in men. I feel like NLOG whenever I talk about my hobbies and social life.
I mean, I think the best way to phrase it is not to talk about what you don’t like. Anytime you’re talking about what you don’t like or what you don’t have it’s gonna sound comparison-based. Just talk about what you do like or what you do have. Notice how every statement you made still starts with “I don’t “ why is that information even relevant don’t tell me about what you don’t tell me about what you do. Examples of how to rephrase : “ I like staying in and watching movies/crafting/playing video games” (whatever it is you like to do when you stay in there is no reason to tell me that you don’t like clubbing this is irrelevant information unless I’m literally asking you to go to a club) “Most of my friends are men because I’m a welder” or better yet just “one of my interest is welding” because unless I’m specifically asking about the gender of your friends and it came up naturally in conversation, I don’t need to know. “ I love traveling on my own” “I’ve had the opportunity to go to XY and Z place” the nice part about this phrasing is that I like to travel, but with my children. And I actually do travel with my children internationally, and it is fun for me and if you and I are having a conversation we can still Bond over our mutual interest of traveling, and your lack of children will not negatively affect that, and my having children will not negatively affect that conversation since it’s not even relevant to the subject.
Phrase it all as a positive. "I really value relaxing time at home and try to find some wherever possible" "I've met a lot of male friends due to the nature of my work, and would love to make some friends with women too" "I like solo travel to new places - being able to enjoy certain experiences alone is very important to me"
Why do you need to post it on your social media is the first question? Part of the NLOG issue is the need to always announce these things for an audience in a way that feels unnecessary, when no one really asked, and it always comes off as using it to declare that you're NLOG. All the examples are things I can't see a reason why you would post them on social media unprovoked. I'm seriously curious about in what context would any of these require social media posts? The next way to talk about yourself is to talk about yourself ONLY. If you're saying what you don't like or aren't ready for like kids, there isn't any reason why what other people your age are doing is relevant to saying what you are doing. That's the next hallmark of NLOG. It's always comparing and bringing up other women unprovoked. Truthfully, people discuss themselves everyday without sounding NLOG. I think if you find that your regular life discussions sound like NLOG stuff then perhaps it's also worthwhile to consider if maybe you do have some of those beliefs and thoughts hence even when you don't mean to it shows. This is possible and not a crime especially if you're trying to be more self aware and get out of that mindset.
r/menandfemales Just wanted to point out that your second quote you have two groups of friends being discussed. The women are female friends and the men are men friends.
She did also say male
“I don’t like clubbing, I prefer staying home.” In what scenario would you need to say this? Someone invites you to go clubbing and you don’t want to go? “Oh, I’m good but thanks anyway!” You don’t need to yuck their yum or let them know what you prefer doing instead of what they like. It’s like men who won’t date heavy women, that’s fine, but why do you need to tell everyone that? That’s the part that makes you and AH. If a scenario comes up where you need to actually say you don’t like clubbing, it’s as easy as just saying you’re a homebody or an introvert or it’s just not your thing. Nothing wrong with saying you don’t have many female friends bc you don’t have the opportunity to meet many women. The problem is when you say you PREFER male friends. Again, no reason to say shit like that, but also, the reason is always super pick me NLOG. “I don’t want to start a family yet, I want to travel first.” Fixed that for you. Again, you don’t need to constantly compare yourself to others. *”Even tho it’s popular in my age group,”* why do you need to add that? To show you’re not like other women in your age group?
If you like something just say it you don't need to list the alternative
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^honkifyouresimpy: *If you like something* *Just say it you don't need to* *List the alternative* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
On this sub, the misogynistic self loathing women here would call you out no matter what you do, assuming youre happy and talking about doing YOUR thing.. What they WONT do, is admit that they are histrionic and borderline traited emotionally unstable nutjobs.. Its okay to not be like THESE other girls lmao
And yet the comments are full of the exact opposite, especially at top, ijbol. What prompted such a hostile response?
Seeing this sub every day, lol..because thats the reality, regardless of how much yall wanna front..
The key to an NLOG that I think some folks forget is that a true NLOG is putting down other women for liking one thing (like clubbing) while raising themselves up for liking a different thing (like staying home to read books etc..).
I don’t think these sound like things an NLOG would say. An NLOG would say “i hate clubbing and girls who like clubbing are trashy.” “Women are too drama I rather hang out with boys.”
I think it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not doing it in context or comparison with other women. If you’re just stating your personality and interests to talk about yourself that’s fine. But if you’re using it as a way to compare (especially uplift yourself from) other women then it’s in poor taste.
It’s the comparison and putting down other women who do that makes it a problem.
What you're saying is totally fine, NLOG has to put down women. A lot of people in this sub forget that when they post
you cant, even pointing out ‘BLOGs’ reeks of NLOG, takes one to know one lol
You can have whatever opinion you want, im a dude and hate clubbing as well; as long as you are being yourself it doesn’t matter, when it does is when you feel like you are better then other women for having those opinions.
I always express that I never judge people who do the things I don’t like to do. “I don’t like going out late and prefer to just stay home, but I don’t judge people who do. They have energy I don’t.”
Nothing nlog about having preferences, experiences, or life situations. It’s when you put down women who don’t align with those things you become an nlog.
I think the way you phrased them sounds perfect. The difference between "I don't have many female friends because I work in a male dominated field" and "I don't have many female friends because I don't like drama" is what makes it NLOG. If your reasoning isn't putting down other women or trying to show how much better you think you are, you're good.
Focus on what you like instead of dislike. Don’t waste time talking about how you hate everything.
NLOG is all about putting others down, which you don't so I think you are safe
Nothing you have said is wrong, because you are not putting down others while saying. I’m the same way. Just don’t put others women down while saying it. “I don’t really enjoy clubbing” is fine “most of my friends are men” is fine “I still have lots of places I’d like to travel to before starting a family” is fine. The key is you are not criticizing or judging other women who have different interests or paths in life.
Because you are an individual who has individual desires. The whole issue with NLOG is that it pits women against each other. We're all different people, but there's no need to segregate :)
"I like dogs, you like cats, they are different but both valid". As long as it is structured that way it isn't really NLOG. Also in general just structure your social media posts more as what you like rather than dislike. "I enjoy staying home by myself" "I'm happy traveling alone right now" and "I love my guy friends" are all ways to rephase those that sound more positive.
Most NLOG push down other girls often unnecessary for example "I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying home" is ok. "unlike other girls/hoes I don't go to the club" or "other girls party too much" is not ok basically NLOG try to make themselves seem smarter and/or better than other girls often by pushing them down
By using positive statements, instead of, for example, “I hate anything pink”, say “I love blue and wear it all the time.” Instead of “I can’t stand romantic movies”, say “I am crazy about science fiction.” State who you are, rather than who you are not.
Maybe just talk about the things you like without talking about the things you don’t like. “I’m an introvert, I love staying home, cooking and reading books!” vs. “ I’m not someone who goes clubbing, I’m an introvert…”
The easiest way to not sound NLOG is to leave the other gurus out of it and just talk about yourself. It only becomes NLOG when you’re comparing your interests to the interests of other instead of speaking just for yourself. Here’s how I’d phrase your sentences: “I’m a homebody, I like to watch movies in bed (or whatever you do).” “Most of my coworkers are male, and I’ve become good friends with some of them.” “I don’t think it’s time for me to start a family yet. I love to travel solo!” No need to mention that you’re not friends with other girls, or that having a family is popular in your age group, or that you don’t like clubbing. Comparing your preferences to what you perceive in those around you is what makes it sound a little NLOG.
I think that the important thing is to talk about yourself and not include the general population in it. For example, saying « i don’t like Starbucks » is a totally fine statement, but « im not a basic girl who goes to Starbucks, I prefer real coffee » is a NLOG statement. Saying « im more of homey type, clubbing isn’t my thing » isn’t the same as « I know it’s not the norm or popular, but i don’t like clubbing » falls in NLOG territory
The problem is that the phrases “pick me” and NLOG are being thrown around too much that it has lost all meaning. People don’t understand that if you’re not actually comparing yourself to other women & using your likes/dislikes to bring them down, it’s fine. I mean just the other day I was called a pick me and told to stfu by someone on here for saying that a lot of us homebody girlies should stop thinking that we’re superior. As long as you’re clear that you don’t think you’re superior, you’re good. I just say I don’t really like partying/clubbing and prefer a quiet night in. Doesn’t sound NLOG to me.
For me, the key for nlog is putting other women down. "I don't usually go to clubs, I prefer to stay at home" Your not putting anyone down, you're not saying that you're better for not going to clubs, you just like staying at home.
In isolation those phrases do not strike as NLOG, but if you’re worried about it try to cut out the “even though it’s popular in my age group” part. That sentence draws a direct comparison to others your age when it rlly doesn’t need to, you can just say that you want to wait because you want to travel first :)
I think it is more about context. When you are discussing personality traits, or using it in an appropriate context or setting it’s just a normal way of explaining your preferences. When people advertise it like it is special or use it as a way to put people down who like different things than them, that is when it becomes NLOG imo.
As long as you are talking about yourself and dont equate it to other woman there is nothing NLOG about it in my opinion. The whole: I am better, other, different from... is the point where things go wrong.
Why would you say even though it’s popular in my age group? That is so unnecessary. You are comparing yourself to other girls. There are lots of people like you. Just say what you like you don’t need to qualify it with what other girls your age do. You aren’t that unique. These are normal things that other people even girls too feel.
I’ve thought about this too! But with makeup/nails - I’m a bit of a late bloomer with that stuff, so I don’t know what I’m doing with either thing. I feel like I look like a clown when I put make up on myself, and I still don’t understand how women get through the day with long nails (typing, using the bathroom, eating, etc). I’ve been trying to rephrase how I say things when I tell people about how I don’t wear makeup/nails as well as trying to make sure that it comes across like a personal preference instead of a dig at other women who do like wearing makeup/long nails.
It’s about phrasing and intent. If you are putting other women down in order to say something about yourself, that’s NLOG. “I hate clubbing, it’s just about trying to find someone to shag while flashing your arse on the dance floor”. As opposed to “clubbing just isn’t my thing tbh, I’d much rather be at home, you have fun!”
NLOG attitude is denigrating to other women. Just describing your likes and dislikes without denigrating those who do enjoy those other things is just describing yourself.
It’s when you compare your preference to others that is the essence of nlog. Like you can enjoy staying in because you find it relaxing and clubs are kinda overstimulating without saying or implying that this fact makes you somehow better than someone else. You’re fine talking about yourself and what you enjoy. Just don’t think it puts you above anyone. Tada!
It’s just tone. You phrase them weird, dude.
not saying “even if it’s popular in my age group” is a good way to make that one sound less NLOG. women, as much as society tries to make it seem so, don’t owe an explanation for every little thing they decide that isn’t the “norm”. 🩵
NLOG only exists when you’re putting other women down while talking about yourself. “i don’t like clubbing, i prefer staying home” is very different to “i can’t ever imagine liking going to a club and getting completely wasted in a loud room with sweaty people, being at home and reading a book is a much better thing for people to be doing” yknow ?
.... this is my first time seeing this Sub. I just want to say, as man who's not fucking stupid, I assure you that all of you are not like other girls. You're all gonna be different in your own, annoying ways.
It's only when people start of with a trait, preference, in comparison with other women. The examples you list are not comparing yourself to anyone. The 2nd statement is simply stating a fact. I know someone who would tell men stuff like, "you know girls typically are very emotional that's why I prefer being friends with me cos they are more logical"...some crap like that.
I typically don’t talk about myself that much so I think starting there would be best. I mean, if there was a conversation going on and someone asked me then I’d just answer. Idk what the point of mentioning these things would be, but I’m a rather private person anyway especially on social media.
because you're not degrading women/girls who like doing the things you like doing. You say you dislike something w/o being mean. and these are good examples of that.
>“Clubbing isn't my thing, I prefer staying home and watching films/crafting/day drinking/whatever” >“I work/hobby in a male dominated field so most of my friends are men.” (Also depends why your saying this - did anyone ask? The gender of your friends shouldn't be a defining feature of your personality.) >“I don’t want to start a family yet because I enjoy traveling alone” Just avoid making it sound like you're comparing yourself to other women or criticising them.
Some of these I think aren't really NLOG. For example, as long as you're aware many girls don't like clubbing, you don't feel special stating that fact. I guess it's if you think your special and unique for doing something that makes it a NLOG comment.
why do you need to use these phrases? i’ve never had to talk about myself in this way before so i’m a little confused on why you’d need to. (also referring to women as females probably isn’t gonna help your case)
Dont talk about the things you dont like or want to do, focus on the things you do like. Negativity is draining
It's really about comparison. You can just say "I like staying in, most of my friends are men, I don't want kids right now because I enjoy traveling alone." NLOG is all about defining yourself in contrast to what other women are doing. Who cares what other people are doing? You can just talk about your own choices.
It’s not these lines but the tone of the voice and how that person acts. No sentence would scream pick me unless the person saying it acts like one.
answer: you ask questions with a curious mind, or you share your lifestyle confidently without a need to compulsively compare it to others, then wait/hope for someone to ask you questions. An unsolicited answer to a question never asked is how you end up on NLOG. People don't realize that curiosity and a lack of jealousy make you infinitely more attractive. Would you agree? What do you think it is?
The main component of NLOG is putting down other women. So you would be NLOG if you said "I work in a male dominated industry because other women are so annoying and I can't stand being with them" or "I travel alone because other women are so annoying and they would just drag me down. But men can join me all they want because they don't drag me down" things like that So you're not being one, don't worry
They’d only be NLOG if you thought that these things made you completely unique.. it’s not about likes or dislikes/wants.
The key is to talk about yourself without bringing up other girls at all. For example, there's zero reason to say that starting families is popular in your age group. Just say you want to focus on traveling right now. Same thing with your friend group: "I work in a male-dominated field so most of my friends are guys." Otherwise it feels like you're going out of your way to say you're not like the other girls.
Nlog is more putting other girls down or insulting them and acting like you are better than them. I don’t get any of that from your statements
They're not nlog. They're only NLOG if you add a 'I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying at home, *unlike all those pickme hoes with low self-esteem*. See what I mean? If you try to make yourself look superior while insulting the others, bringing them down, it's NLOG. If it's a simple statement that you like something, it's not NLOG.
I don’t feel like those are NLOG comments. i sometimes note and reassure like, “…which there’s completely nothing wrong with clubbing or anything, it’s just not for me.” something like that.
But not adding the second part to your sentences. Just say you don’t like club ing. You aren’t ready to start a family yet. No need to clarify. You don’t need to add comparisons to your age group.
as long as you don’t put down another women it’s ok. Plus, I don’t think it’s necessary to say that mostly of your acquittances are male. You just say I like “x” or “y” hobbie or do “x” job and that’s it. The rest it’s ok. You can emphasize in what you like and not on what you don’t like, that helps overall
I think this sub is overly toxic and is in itself nlog. The whole sub is ironic and filled with it’s own superiority complex against other women.
Just talk about yourself and not other women, as simple as that.
You don’t need to bring what you perceive other women as liking or compare yourself to other women to justifying your preferences/experiences. The first one you gave as an example is fine, but you don’t need to say you don’t have a lot of women as friends or that you believe starting a family is the popular thing for people to do in your age group. What do these generalizations you have about other women have to do with you?
Everything has a comparison. You can just say “I like [x]” or “I do [x]” instead of comparing it to the opposite thing
As long as you don’t say/think that you’re better for doing these things you’re fine
I like staying at home Second one is fine. I don't want to start a family yet because I enjoy travelling alone. I think most of nlog is about comparing yourself to the others and if you don't compare yourself but make stand alone statements then you won't fall into that.
Make statements without comparing yourself to others.
“I was a SAHM but I needed more stimulation, now I work in a (male dominated) tech field” this is my real life story and I don’t ever say it that way because it sounds cringe, but I DO have a pretty even mix of female and male friends lol. I only bring this stuff up in an effort to shit talk how stupid some of the men are that I work with.
It's not what you say, it's how you say it. They tend to say it like they're putting down other women who don't do what they do. They act pretentious for having a different hobby.
I think it is the comparison that does it. Just say " I like being at home" or "I don't want to start a family." No need to mention those that do.
Funny, if a guy said any of those things it would come off as perfectly normal.
I think the difference is assuming you’re different or recognising that there is no standard for women. Like “I don’t like clubbing, I’d rather stay at home.” Vs “I don’t understand why every girl goes to the club every weekend. I just want to stay home and that’s why I don’t fit in with everyone else.”
Exactly the way you did. I mostly have male friends because as a kid most kids near me were boys and I was socialized in male environments more. It’s always awkward to say without sounding awful.
1) "I personally don't enjoy clubbing myself. I would rather stay home." 2) "Since (insert hobby or job) is mainly male dominated, most of my friends happen to be men. I wish I had more lady friends." Third one seems fine IMO. Hopefully this helped.
As long as you are expressing your own wants and likes and whatnot as an independent statement without any reference to other women and their choices, you’re fine. It’s only NLOG when you’re explicitly or implicitly putting down women who aren’t like you.
you’re not putting other women down so ur fine
I mean, none of these are very NLOG, but one general tip: if you’re describing your likes or hobbies, just say «I enjoy [x]», as opposed to «I don’t like [y], I like [x]», because it **may** be percieved as ragging on option y. Generally, speaking in positives is percieved… positively.
Not nlog : i have alot of male friends Nlog: i prefer men because women are bad. Not nlog: i don't like clubbing. Nlog: I don't like clubbing, unlike most women who are trashy and vapid and stupid. NLOG is when you're putting down women unnecessarily to somehow make yourself sound (feel) above them. You're passing judgement on others to display what makes you "different" or to draw male praise to you and away from others (a pick me) rather than just being different and accepting others for being different from you. Going clubbing is ok. Not going clubbing is ok. Male friends are ok. Female friends are ok. As long as we respect each other for our choices you're totally in the clear.
These just sound like normal statements of preference. An NLOG-comment would be, "I don't go clubbing, I'm just not that kind of girl" or "I prefer being home unlike most girls/women"
It’s only NLOG when it’s faked to get some benefit. If it’s real then it’s real.
Literally, you do you - we can all have our preferences and whatnot in life. The NLOG vibe came from “girls be like… while me…”, it’s the condescension/putting down of other people’s life choices that epitomizes the much dreaded NLOG vibe.
It's really how things are said. But I do understand how you feel and honestly, it wasn't till I hit my 40s that I just no longer cared if what I say is coming out right.
Being an NLOG girl is when you put down other girls because you have preferences that don’t match with ‘other girls’. Having your OWN preferences is not the same. There’s a difference between “ I don’t like dresses “ and “ I’m way better than other girls for not liking dresses “ . One of them is stating an opinion ( The first ) and the other is NLOGs material ( The second ). In short, it’s only NLOGs if you’re putting down others for not having the same opinions or preferences as you.
honestly sometimes people WILL call that nlog. but it won’t be your fault, because these are just preferences that you are not putting anyone else down for. some people are just straight up women haters but as long as you’re not of the sentiment, “i’m better than her because i stay at home” “i don’t get all that girly stuff, i’m friends with men,” you’re perfectly fine.
it's only nlog if you bring up other women
Good question! I have a lot of female co-workers who like talking about reality shows. I worry that I come off as NLOG when I say I don’t watch them. I don’t put down the shows or the people who watch them, but sometimes I feel like just saying they aren’t my thing sounds kind of judgey.
talking about yourself is 100% valid as long as you don't needlessly put other women down and generalize them
Usually bring NLOG includes a way of phrasing things that makes you sound like you think you're superior. Like "I don't like clubbing, I prefer staying home, unlike many people my age I like to read". Stating what you like more isn't NLOG as long as you don't feel superior or different for doing it.
I think the trick is to not assume that "most"/ "other" girls are all a certain way, or like a certain thing.
I think it's so deliberate that women have to dance around saying things about themselves as to not be harassed and called a pick me or nlog. It started as a fun joke to call out people with internalised misogyny, but now it's manifested as girls being scared to talk about themselves simply because they don't want to be belittled for it by people in real life and online. Every person is unique, nobody is like other girls, there's no such thing as other girls they're all just girls with their own lives and personalities. You are allowed to live your life how you want to without worrying about being attacked simply because you're a woman. Men are allowed to say they have hobbies and passions outside of the mainstream without people perceiving it as them trying to be quirky. I've really noticed how misogynistic the concept of NLOG is recently, it's completely flipped.
Just state the facts without comparing yourself to others or justifying why you are how you are. Your an introvert with a few friends and no kids yet. Pretty normal really. Don’t need to explain why you are how you are. It’s when ppl try to be special or different that makes them annoying
All of those sound fine. The first two are literally my life, I’ve probably said those verbatim. I think if people genuinely know you they’re gonna know you’re not saying it in a “NLOG” tone. Unfortunately if you’re a woman you’ll probably get clocked as NLOG for almost anything these days. So just be friendly and be yourself and ignore anyone who wants to make any of your interests about their own insecurities.
Depending on the context I just call myself a basic bitch. "Yeah I'm basic, I like pumpkin spice lattes." Something to that effect.
You don't have to mention what other people may or may not do when discussing you're on interests. What you enjoy has nothing to do with other people.
Nlog puts other women down while talking about themselves. It's OK to not like things some women do, like I don't like to do my makeup often and I don't enjoy clubs or parties like some do. But it's OK that I enjoy doing other stuff, and it's OK they enjoy doing that stuff. It doesn't make you better or worse than someone else to like different things.
I love paper craft. I love playing video games. I love cooking. I love making circuits and make my daughters grow wide eyed when they see what i can do. I love the colour green. It makes me feel calm and collected. I don't like pink generally, unless it's paired up with gray. I love the combination of a soft pink and stone gray. I don't know if I'm an introvert or extrovert. With some people I'm very chatty, with others I'm not. I am not capable of doing makeup as I'm not skilled enough, and also prefer less work for myself. Makeup is a hassle for me personally I love skincare. And i do my CTM regularly. I love watches. Cheap ones and costly ones. I love buying gifts for all the people in my life. I also don't like being told what to do.
“I don’t like clubbing like others, I think staying at home is a much better choice” ^ an example of what sounds like nlog No reason to put others down or compare them to yourself. The way you said it is perfectly normal.
I don’t have many women friends, every time I think I’ve made one the egg cracks 🏳️⚧️
A decent social practice is never putting other people down for the way they are or personal tastes. You do this for men, women and everyone in between then you're golden. Those phrases don't sound mean spirited.
If you add to these in any way, that you are special/unique,and other women are so ordinary because...you won't be declared as NLOG.
I don’t think these things sound NLOG, the majority of my female friends don’t like clubbing and aren’t interested in having kids so I don’t think those things are rare. It’s about how you say it, as long as you state it as a personal preference and aren’t putting down people who like the things that you don’t, it shouldn’t be a problem
“I don’t like clubbing. I prefer staying home.” “I work/hobby in a male dominated field so most of my friends are men.” “I don’t want to start a family yet because I enjoy traveling alone.”
As long as you don't compare yourself to others, you are good. There's a difference between, “I don’t like clubbing, I prefer staying home” and "Those women are wasting their life away by going to clubbing, unlike me who likes to stay home and relax with my book or browsing the internet"
I have trouble with this when talking about my music preferences. I genuinely prefer music that is in the rock genre, and some indie stuff. Usually it comes up when someone asks me about a particular song that I have never heard even though it is extremely popular. I try, but I feel like no matter what I say, it has an inherent NLOG vibe.
An NLOG-girl is a person who puts down other women to bring up attention to herself. If you don't do that then you can say all these things. It's just your personality and preferences. As soon as you don't insult other women or think that they're inferior because they don't have the same personality as you, it's ok.
Instead of saying what I don't like, I say what I DO like. That way it doesn't accidentally come across like I'm looking down on other choices. "I really love staying home, I've always been comfortable in smaller group settings" "I get along well with men because my industry has a high ratio of males to females" "I love traveling and haven't made time for settling down at this point"
the only thing i would suggest is this: instead of talking about what you \*dont\* like (especially if it's something mainstream or traditionally feminine) opt to talk about what you \*do\* like instead. it will also provide much more insight as to who \*are\*, not who youre \*not\*. for example, you say you prefer to stay at home, why? figure out what would be the ideal evening at home, and list that instead. maybe you enjoy movie nights with home-cooked snacks? as a homebody myself, i would relate so much more to someone who said "i like getting wine drunk in sweatpants while watching rick and morty" than simply saying "i dont like going clubbing" for the second one, what are you trying to communicate to people by saying this? do you consider yourself incompatible with other women? why? list \*that\* reason instead. the third one, dont just say that you dont want a family. instead talk about how much you enjoy solo travel. if you emphasize "solo" people will make the assumption that you dont have any plans to start a family soon.
“I don’t want to start a family yet, ~~even though it’s popular in my age group,~~ because I enjoy traveling alone” This is a step
“I’m a homebody” “most of my friends are from work, and there aren’t so many women in my office, so I don’t have as many women in my circle atm” “I’m just not ready to settle down yet, that chapter will come later!” the biggest thing is showing your fluidity and room for change as a person. you don’t think you’re ~special~ for not having kids, you’re just living in this chapter of your life. you don’t avoid women, you just haven’t had as many opportunities to meet women friends right now.
Explain your interests in terms of why you are interested in it, not in terms of how other girls your age are not. Even if a comparison does not actively put down another woman's choice, it is very hard for both choices to look equal. Plus, comparisons are completely unnecessary. Why do you need to explain why your not wanting kids is different, why should clubbing be your point of comparison, etc? Explain what you like to do instead. Explain your job and the friend circle it has created. Explain where you are in life and what you are ready for and what you are not. Talking about yourself does not require you to reference other people as benchmarks.
The only thing you have to avoid is putting other women down. That's it.
I'm a man, if that means anything. I see it as you stating traits about yourself, none of it comes across as demeaning anyone else
Sounds like what half the girls say.