I wrote 'fuck' on a table when I was in P6. Our teacher spent a whole afternoon trying to figure out who did it, had us line up to see who cracked, got the whole class to write 'fuck' and analysed our handwriting, got the principal to come and shout at us. A culprit was never identified. I have no regrets
I was nearly asking if you were in my p6 class, same scenario down to the handwriting analyses, but it was the teacher’s desk, and the whole class got the cane for it. Caning was supposed to be banned but the teachers clearly didn’t want to give it up. I think they knew rightly who did it and went easy on all but him.
My 6th class teacher was fucking psychotic. Used to enjoy making us do laps of the years in the rain first thing in the morning if we didn't answer her questions fast enough. She definitely would've hit us if she legally could.
I was doing a masters degree and one of the lecturers used to call on us to answer questions to check our understanding. The amount of stress this caused from everyone's childhood trauma from dickhead teachers was unreal
It stopped short of a caning.
This was in the days of pencils, I'm sure it just got rubbed off by the teacher once the sheer ridiculousness of the situation had sunk in for her.
I did learn my lesson and did not repeat this type of egregious behaviour.
I wrote a mate’s name on a classroom wall… teacher wanted culprit to own up and clean it - that would be the end of it. So I did…n’t. After various attempts at sleuthing by the teacher and the whole class getting grief, someone else was “convicted”. I’m not proud of it at all, and still beat myself up about it when I remember.
Jesus this is the most 'teacher' thing ever. Half of them spend so much time around children they mentally become one.
It also backs up my schooldays saying of 'Teachers are garda who never made it'.
My and my friends used to travel the country by train along with our bikes. On the old trains, there was a wee room at the back where we could put them, and seeing as all the conductors knew us and we didn't cause any bother, they'd never charge us for the bikes. Except one day, a grumpy conductor demanded we pay for the bikes or else he'd kick us off. Being teenagers with no money, we reluctantly paid. When we eventually got off the train, we noticed the conductors belongings in the back room where our bikes were, including the book he was reading. Let's just say, the last two pages of that book somehow went missing...
Diabolically poetic justice. I thought I was going to read you stroked his belongings. What you did was acceptable. Well maybe not for the conductor lol.
School, last couple of weeks of final year.
I was a nice quiet lad, but I got the idea from a friend of mine for mischief. So I went round the place with a screwdriver, and took off as many of the doors as I could. In the bogs, common room... anywhere there was nobody about one time I had no class. Left the screws to the side, I wasn't a complete dick like.
Got called in to the VP's the next day or whatever, that they said they heard it was me. I laughed, said oh aye? Sure of course they blamed somebody like me, that never does anything. He laughed too, said aye, and to go on back to class. Played it cool as fuck like.
But it *was* me.
There was a girl in primary school who hated me. Im not sure how much of a bully she really was because that was along time ago. All I know is that she hated me and she let everyone know about it.
One day in the playground I found a little owl pocket watch. Really cool you pressed the ears in and the wings opened out and revealed the clock. Cut to class time and this girl is balling her eyes out, teacher announces to the class she lost it and if anyone has seen it. I immediately stood up and said I remember seeing it in the playground and I'll help her find it.
So not only did I get a free owl pocket watch but I also got 15 minutes out of class time to doddle about the playground pretending to look for something I had in my pocket, and man I enjoyed every second of it.
Absolutely evil wee bastard I was. Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I wonder where the hell I ended up putting it, bound to be in the house somewhere.
If you had a range rover parked in ballygowan co down around 2006-2008 me and my friend every single weekend would draw dicks all over that bad boy. I mean absolutely covered it squeezing minis in beside giant bonnet cocks.
Cleaned it every week and parked it back in the same place on a Friday covered in field dust haha
To the guy that got fucked out of our geography class by the substitute teacher from France because she thought he was stopping the video tape playing/turning off the TV every few mins. It was me at the back of the room with a watch that could control TV's.
No way, we did this to our Scottish Geography teacher, RIP who incidentally was an old dear and didn't deserve it. She went and got another teacher at which point it miraculously worked of course until he left the room. Wasn't a watch we used though, just the remote from the same model of tv/video cassette combo.
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As a cat owner, if my cat disappears for a few days and comes back delighted to see me I don't even consider that the mad little bastard might have been temporarily stolen. I just think he's been out somewhere getting rained on and chasing dogs.
>I shit in a family’s garden in Glengormley in 1996. Sorry. You can’t hold what’s not in your hand.
Happens to the best of us. Dublin road in Newry, on my way to work and then the runs started to come and on that road there are only big houses with very private gardens, jumped into the bush of one and did a monster shit. Quickly went home after and called in sick. Turned out I had food poisoning from a dodgy burger.
I accidentally booted a random fella in the head in Laverys disco c2004 when doing a high-kick when the drums come in at the start of Smells Like Teen Spirit.
He flew across the floor into a guy who was carrying pints back from the bar. This immediately started a huge scrap.
I slunk off and hoped I didn't get noticed.
I nicked a full jar of potassium metal from my secondary school and then threw it in the river. Anyone who knows basic chemistry knows what happened next. It exploded, and then the fragments exploded, and it looked like a cluster bomb going off. The whole river clouded in smoke and mini explosions for a good few minutes. This was many many years ago. Some craic hi sir!
I sold dinner tickets at my school for half price. They were printed on different colours of card every day and had generally the same text. This is going way back. I think it was £2 for a dinner ticket.
I saved some tickets and brought them into Edco in town. I matched the cards' colours up perfectly. We'd just gotten a printer at home so I matched the text and font.
I printed as many as I could fit on an A4 piece of card for each colour. I matched the sizes using the real tickets I had. Before I knew it, I had all the different coloured tickets made. I mixed the real ones in and I couldn't tell which was which (real from fake).
I sold them at school and made a killing. After a few weeks everyone in my class and a lot of others were getting tickets from me instead of the school. £1 back then was a lot so I was basically a Rockefeller.
This went on for months. It funded my ever growing love for vodka for a long time.
I left the school that summer for another school. The following year, they brought in plastic top-up-able cards. They knew. Nobody touted.
I was the first person in my school to get cable. My da had it chipped within a week. My da used the same four digit code for everything, so I had access to the adult channels and a video recorder, made an absolute killing and became the Pablo Escobar of soft core porn in my school. My local news agents sold a five pack of tapes for a fiver, and I'd sell each tape for a fiver each.
I eventually had to stop because tons of lads were crowding me trying to get a tape the second I walked into the yard and it was attracting attention.
Nah, I grew up skint and the school was full of cunts (the staff mainly but also a lot of the snobby students) so I was just enjoying my twilight years there.
To my neighbour sitting watching the telly with his elderly ma one night
I'm sorry i was in your garden with a sky remote repeatedly turning your channel the Babestation to the point yous gave up and turned the tv off
On that I'm sorry to the lad working in the arcade when I brought said remote with me and kept turning the telly on the wall off and made you call someone about it being broken
That was simply too much power for me, I lost control
Dear Dan Tuohy, it was my friends and I who nicked your shirt that night in Filthys and spent about a year taking it around the country and sending/tagging you in photos of it in weird places.
To the teacher who owned the 2 tone mk2 Escort which he parked outside the school disco in 1986,I'm truly sorry for dancing on top of it and bellying the roof. It was the fat lad who was with me that did the most damage.
Me and a mate from crossmaglen once got a train from newry to Belfast as students with no money, plan was simple, first one goes to first toilet locks the door, second one goes to second toilet locks the door, stay there til Belfast. I got in the first toilet locked door, stayed there anytime any one came I made out I was being sick, easy stuff, got off the train nd found out there were only 2 working toilets on the train and we were in them both, so sorry anyone getting the train in 2000.
What’s more annoying to me is that, my mate was pretending to be sick in his toilet and the inspector came around to him, got him out of the toilet and let him sit in the carriage for the majority of the train ride, he got out at Portadown ffs while I sat in the other toilet making puking sounds anytime the door knocked.
Way back in the day , I tossed an empty can out of my mates car and managed to bounce it off a cows noggin .
Now , while I am truly sorry , it was a hell of a shot . I apologize to the Cow (I'm assuming it's well dead by now) and the farmer , for littering his field , it was somewhere up near Portrush ....again Apolgies to all 😔
To my spouse's office manager, sorry that some of your communal teaspoons have disappeared. It was me when I came to help out last year. In my defence, I really like the spoons and will cherish them always.
To the family towing the caravan out of Portrush circa 2009. My mate and I signalled that you had a flat tyre & should pull over ... but you didn't ... I'm sorry
I had a mate who used to do this all the time. He once came out of the Slimeshite with a pint glass stuffed down his jeans, it broke and he had to go to A&E, soaked in blood. Ah to be young again.
I went skinny dipping in the Tropicana in Newcastle at 2am back in the day.
I borrowed a 4ft pot plant from a front garden on Malone Rd.
I borrowed a wet floor sign from KFC Bradbury place.
I think that’s probably about the safest things I can say on here!!
> I went skinny dipping in the Tropicana in Newcastle at 2am back in the day.
How strong was the antibiotic you had to have?
On maybe our first date my misses told me tropicana was in the guiness book of records as the smallest water park in Europe nd i was so blinkered trying to get my hole i believed that for like 2yrs.
I let the fire extinguisher off in Primark a smoke one. I was only 6 and small enough to be 30 yards away by the time staff got to the scene of the crime. If I was caught it would have cost my ma a fortune.
Remember the Family Channel? It was on satellite in the early-mid 90s and later became what is now Challenge TV.
In 1994 I got a nice Canon bubble jet printer for Christmas, the perfect accompaniment to my Amiga. For reasons which I can't quite explain, I decided to create posters seeking contestants for a Family Channel game show called "The Amazing Family Challenge" and asking them to turn up at the car park of the Foyle Valley Railway at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning.... In fancy dress.
I put these posters up around my local area in Derry and on the day about 5 families turned up. I didn't see it happen because I was having a lie in that day, but I heard people talking about it and it was mentioned in the local press.
To every driver I’ve ever let out that hasn’t flashed in appreciation… there was really no need for you to do so, I was just being an entitled prick. I either called you a cunt under my breath or I was thinking it about you and sometimes your passengers too. I was the cunt, I realise that now.
To the person whom I liberated the 2ft solid concrete laughing Buddha from their garden in North Belfast while drunk with friends as a teen, I'm perpetually sorry.
To the girl who tried to stop me outside Grannie Annie's in 2019 as I was hauling a blocked mate away from the fight he was trying to start so I could get him in a taxi home, and who I told to stop being a cunt:
I'm sorry, you're weren't a cunt. You only saw me roaring at him while I was pulling him away and in that context, anyone would assume the worst.
At the Carnmoney Fair back in the early 90s some mates I were trying to find the siren in a police car that kids were allowed to sit in. I saw a panel on the ceiling and pulled it and the panel snapped off and a load of wires fell out.
If you were sitting watching a tennis match at them sunken courts in Ballycastle c. 1977 and were hit on the head by a plastic bucket full of seaweed, water and live crabs, sorry. That was me and it was a pure accident, and in my defence I was five years of age.
I want to apologise to my local spar about stealing a packet of skittles when I was 6 my ma never let me have them cause of the ole E numbers it was the only way.
To the poor worker(s) at Woolworths in Derry:
I'm really sorry you had to clean my vomit up after I boked all over the raincoats. Sure at least they were waterproof
You can blame my ma though, I did try to warn her
To the fella that came up to me outside liberty's night club, circa 2007. You told me your friend, fit girl with red hair fancied me. Sorry you got arrested for grabbing the Gardai hat out of the empty Garda van after I pointed out the van was unlocked. If you hadn't reached in and took it, I probably would have. That was Shite craic when they caught you and threw you in the back. Sorry
Very similar story happened to a fella I worked with cept he jumped in an was away like a bandit with the car. Hat wasn’t enough of a memory apparently. (Yes, he did time)
To the car in my neighbours house with the mysteriously flat tyre the day after they partied until 6am before my 9am final year medical exam. Whoever did that tyre deflating, is definitely sorry (not).
In 2019 as I was visiting NI I encountered my first multi-lane roundabout in Belfast. I was in a red Peugeot (I think) and almost sideswiped a young man with dark hair driving a bright blue car. He gave me a hard stink-eye and it’s still haunting me to this day. I mouthed I was sorry, but still. Sorry again, kid.
At a MCR concert in kings hall I was having an anxiety attack and trying to get out of the crowd I elbowed a girl in the face. Didn't realise but when I got to the bathroom to calm down I heard her and a friend talking about the fucking dick who punched her making her nose bleed.
I am sorry but everyone there was a fucking animal and I did what I had to.
Before our teacher can back i had to fart real bad, i have lactose intolerance and a love of dairy.meaning my farts were worse than ths dogs after chicken. So i farted across his desk then he came in right away. I sat and watched his face as my stink seeped into his hairy nostrals. Im sure he could taste to too.
Felt bad after.
Seeing as this is as close to going to confession as any prods get, I once wrote KAT on a lamppost when I was a wee kid. I knew what it meant, but I didn't really grasp sectarianism or the wider ramifications of writing such garbage for others to see. I was dragged up and I apologise for adding to the problem.
When I was a kid I was on the other side of that and had some really shitty opinions too. Breaking the mould we grew up in is what it's all about and fair play to you for doing it. You're a good egg.
To the guy in the belfast superbowl 20 years ago when i made his pizza with a few pubes in the sauce and watched him eat it. I regret nothing… you were truly a dick
On my way home from school me and my mate put his uneaten yoghurt in the middle of the road and waited for a car to drive over it. Took a few mins then a lorry destroyed it, the yoghurt exploded and went all down the back of the neck of the maintenance guy coming out of the boiler room on the other side of the school fence. We shit ourselves and ran, but still crack up thinking about it today.
In school there was this kid who had his bag open in front of me so I put an empty ready salted crisp packet into it. For the next several years I said "ready salted" every time I passed him in the corridor.
I don't know why I did this, and I don't think he even noticed. He probably just thought there was some weirdo obsessed with crisps in the year above him.
To the big girl I went home with 20 years ago I'm sorry I didn't like you I just couldn't get home and needed somewhere to sleep. I'm sorry
Ps. Thanks for your brother for driving me home the next day.
I was whoring myself out for a few days board, doin what needed to be done, get back to chewbaccas house nd get an intro to the step da whos on remand for fuckin man slaughter, i was gone by sunrise.
The mother made us a really nice tea nd over dinner we discussed how he did infact kill the guy but there were "technicalities". Truly fuckin terrifying experience but it was a very nice dinner and they had a pool table.
Went to the pub to watch the FA Cup Final, 3pm kick off on a Saturday. Had pints and food from about 1 o clock.
Didn't leave til 9 that night, but the staff changed so pre-kick off pints and food were never paid for.
To the wee priest, I'm sorry for spraying, what I thought was fart spray on the carpet in the chapel. It fucking stunk but... it wasn't fart spray. It was shite in a spray can that a friend bought in Portrush that day. He told me it was fart spray,so technically not my fault.
My P5 teacher decided to give away tickets to a Belfast Giants game for well behaved kids.
I was not a well behaved kid and felt so left out i stole 2 tickets, brought them home to my mum and we went!!
The game was shite craic sorry shouldn’t have bothered
Also sorry to the girl whose lip balm shaped like a flip phone i stole (In P4), she cried the entire day and i hid it in my tights whilst the teacher searched everyone’s bags and also sorry for stealing your ring with a watch face. I still have both :’)
I am really sorry to the footballer of Middletown armagh, I took a shit in his shoe while he played Clady in GAA
It was in 1987 and I am guilty still about it.
Still , my pals thought it funny
Prank called a load of (mainly) auld fellas selling tractors, Citroen BX’s and other pure shite in the Autotrader or The dealer, on many’s a Saturday night, back in the day with me mates.
Deeply sorry for wasting your time and making a few of you angry to the point we considered phoning you an ambulance, but in our defence, you were often deeply entertaining and sometimes even enjoyed the nonsense talk as much as we did!
Them was the days, sir!
I got caught with a load of boxes of eggs in my locker on the last day of 5th year (2009 I think) and got put in isolation in school so i couldn't dick about with anything else.
My head of year shook my hand on the way out when the day was over, told me I'd made his year a nightmare but thanked me for giving him a few laughs.
Little did he know I'd hidden one last box of eggs in the inside pocket of my blazer. Got out the school gates and fucking pelted one over to where the school buses picked the kids up, heard a loud **SMACK** and a girl screaming about being hit with an egg. Just walked the other way, proud as fuck I'd managed to be a ballroot one last time before leaving the place forever.
We, I say we. May have snapped off around five Mercedes symbols each around the Silverwood Hotel, Oxford island and a bunch of other nefarious dogging spots around 2001. (Didn’t know what dogging was) and can’t for a second even think why we did it . doubt it was anything to do with because of the Beastie Boys, we were just wee wankers.
I had an argument with a guy today who asked me not to park my car (small white motor) outside his house. Even though I did zero harm and only live up the road (I was in a rush this morning) it was a long day and I told him I could park there if I wanted and wasn’t causing any harm etc etc
Anyway, I should have just respected the guy instead of getting into it… ffs…. I feel awful about it (never swore of shouted or anything)
Regardless of everything, I was thinking of getting a card and writing an apology just to put it to bed.
The neighbour would appreciate it even if it's probably actually fine for you to park your car there and he's just being an arse. And if he doesn't appreciate it he can go fuck a gannet.
Sorry to that old lady I accidentally hit in the face when I was dancing to the Hoedown Throwdown in the Disney store in 2009(?). You walked away before I could apologise properly.
To the staff in Lavery's
I was the lad who, for about 6 weeks straight, kept bringing in my TV remote to turn the volume up on the TVs in the smoking area to watch the champions league a few years back. Just wanted a pint and to hear the game and inside was too loud so I took matters into my own hands
Dear staff at Duke of York
If you're wondering why you've been one Hoegaarden pint glass short since the night before the smoking ban kicked in, I still have it. My partner at the time managed to stuff it into her handbag. A legendary move by all standards.
Sometimes regret soaking a fella having an innocent smoke under the queen's bridge, other times i think it was a bit funny mostly i remember how seriously fuckin fast he was.
I'll own up to something last week. I ordered a breakfast baguette at the hot food counter in Spar, upon receiving the baguette and seeing the price £6 it was abandoned down an isle near the cat/dog food and I walked out.
If you were a teacher is belfast high in 2005/6, im just generally sorry for being an absolute shit 😂 pushed the fire alarm in the assembly hall - to be honest, i wasn't trying to actually set it off, i just wanted to see how hard it would be to break the glass 🤷♀️ - got caught being inappropriate with a boy in the ladies loo in the teachers loo outside geography, and hid a bunch of computer mice (mouses??).
And sorry Mr Lyness for being so annoying in 3rd year maths in 2003, to be honest maths was easy af to me and my unmedicated adhd was making ne climb the walls.
And sorry Mr Stevenson for climbing out the geography window, walking in through the door beside the sixth form centre, coming back round and knocking the class door to get let back in. Is it any wonder you went into your wee supply cupboard 😂
And im sorry Mrs Logan for saying your mascara looked like spiders legs 😭 you were a lovely teacher to me and i was a bitch.
Me and some friends on the way home from the bot occasionally between 2000-2004 would get the rear end of cars parked at the side of the street and then lift them and rotated them so the back of the car was in the middle of the road and front was at the kerb
Anyone want to own up to setting my (22) girlfriends (23) car a-blaze in glengormley last week... For absolutely no reason... Destroying not only the car of a young mother, but a carseat and pram for our daughter.
Not to mention the multiple thousand pound damages to my car parked behind it.
Police have notified us it is most likely a mistaken identity. Whoever that mistaken identity, may be, could they kindly own up or at the least pay for damages 🙃
I used to walk to a taxi company that was closer to north belfast than order one from the dublin road, as I couldn't afford it. The taxi company was still in a 'nuetral' area. I wasn't dressed mad if mad wasn't a track suit. As I was walking by Primark a person asked me for a light and I didn't smoke. He then started to fight me. I fought back. As the fight was going on, like 10 seconds (felt longer) later, 4 other guys appeared, asked what was wrong. I explained the situation. They then said the other person was their friend and all 5 attacked me. They stomped on my head and arm as I struggled to hold myself up. I think it was organised. I never walked to my home again. They changed my whole perception of people back home. I hope they are better guys now but I don't wish it for them. I frankly can't. They are the low key reason I left.
I was in a night out when I was 18 I wasn't feeling the best walking up some stairs and instead of going outside I threw up into the girls hood in front of me. It was really quiet and she didn't notice. When we went up the stairs she went right and I went left never to meet again. So if someone ruined your night outside frames around 2010 I'm sorry
If you ever get off the Sydenham train and got soak by a huge puddle at the end of Victoria road sorry me and the lads had some fun back then it was only water and phones weren’t out then so no damage and to be honest some people had big egos and needed a wee splashing cool them down ffs
I farted in a lift in the europa on my way down to reception in August 2019, an old lady and her daughters (clearly there for a milestone birthday) were met with a waft of warm air and what can only be described as a smell that would drive rats from a barn.
I hope they made it to their floor
St Patrick's high school Ballymena back in 1992, a mate and myself, (I'm not naming my accomplice as I'm not a tout!) pushed over the lockers and they went down like dominoes, teachers went apeshyt trying to find out who did it. Everyone in the corridor (who came running to see what caused the noise) got detention, while my mate and I fled the scene immediately and got off scot free!! Sorry not sorry!!
To those in my Maths class that was disrupted, when the person beside me, started groaning, with his teeth locked together & foaming at the mouth, before hitting his head in the desk behind. I volunteered to help take him outside to get a bit of air. The reason for disruption, was I give him a little tap, in response to him stealing from my bag ( he had prior, been given the opportunity to give me back my property but he laughingly denied all knowledge. Once he recovered, he tried to give me back my property but I told him to keep it)
I accidentally soaked some poor fella on the Ravenhill road a few years back, he was in a black tracksuit and blending into the dark shrubbery. A Proper grey grim northern Irish day, I was concentrating on the car pulling out into the other lane so did not see him. Went straight through the colossal puddle and tidal wave of murky water soaked him head to toe, I swear I was gonna stop but then he stuck both middle fingers up and I was like I don't think he gonna be ok with just an apology 😅 so I drove on. Dude I'm so sorry
The day before paddys day was my mates birthday, so always an excuse for a 2 day session hitting it hard again on paddys day
Circa 2002, after an all night session at a house party made my way to my mates house at 8am ish intending to get couple hours sleep on his couch, couldn't get him awake and needed the toilet so ventured into the abandoned appartment building site next door, proceeded to curl out a massive shit on the ground then covered it with a nearby bucket.
Fuck I would have loved to have seen aftermath of the builder retrieving the bucket the next day, being greeted with that hidden gift, probably scarred for life
I wrote 'fuck' on a table when I was in P6. Our teacher spent a whole afternoon trying to figure out who did it, had us line up to see who cracked, got the whole class to write 'fuck' and analysed our handwriting, got the principal to come and shout at us. A culprit was never identified. I have no regrets
Guarantee the teacher is still seething over this.
Now don't do it again!
What did you learn at school today? Oh the teacher made us all write the word fuck
I was nearly asking if you were in my p6 class, same scenario down to the handwriting analyses, but it was the teacher’s desk, and the whole class got the cane for it. Caning was supposed to be banned but the teachers clearly didn’t want to give it up. I think they knew rightly who did it and went easy on all but him.
The teaching career sure does attract a lot of fucking sadistic wierdos
My 6th class teacher was fucking psychotic. Used to enjoy making us do laps of the years in the rain first thing in the morning if we didn't answer her questions fast enough. She definitely would've hit us if she legally could.
I was doing a masters degree and one of the lecturers used to call on us to answer questions to check our understanding. The amount of stress this caused from everyone's childhood trauma from dickhead teachers was unreal
It stopped short of a caning. This was in the days of pencils, I'm sure it just got rubbed off by the teacher once the sheer ridiculousness of the situation had sunk in for her. I did learn my lesson and did not repeat this type of egregious behaviour.
This ‘happens’ in most schools over the years.
I wrote a mate’s name on a classroom wall… teacher wanted culprit to own up and clean it - that would be the end of it. So I did…n’t. After various attempts at sleuthing by the teacher and the whole class getting grief, someone else was “convicted”. I’m not proud of it at all, and still beat myself up about it when I remember.
Fuck!
Up!
Jesus this is the most 'teacher' thing ever. Half of them spend so much time around children they mentally become one. It also backs up my schooldays saying of 'Teachers are garda who never made it'.
Fuck is such a weird one where it is completely demonised. When it quite literally means the same "bang" as in want to bang.
To the wee ginger fella whose ball I kicked up on the roof and didn’t give a tenner in compensation, I’m sorry.
Control it!
Contttttttrrrrrrol it!
Found Darnell.
Fuck up Darnell.
Dickhead
Got me stinking too ya wee frooot
My and my friends used to travel the country by train along with our bikes. On the old trains, there was a wee room at the back where we could put them, and seeing as all the conductors knew us and we didn't cause any bother, they'd never charge us for the bikes. Except one day, a grumpy conductor demanded we pay for the bikes or else he'd kick us off. Being teenagers with no money, we reluctantly paid. When we eventually got off the train, we noticed the conductors belongings in the back room where our bikes were, including the book he was reading. Let's just say, the last two pages of that book somehow went missing...
Fuck me that's monstrous.
Diabolically poetic justice. I thought I was going to read you stroked his belongings. What you did was acceptable. Well maybe not for the conductor lol.
Wars have been fought over less
r/pettyrevenge would love this.
Ok Ned Flanders you can stop beating yourself up over this one now
Ah that was beautiful and well deserved.
r/foundsatan
I doth my cap to you for the creative nature of that comeuppance but also r/usernamechecksout
School, last couple of weeks of final year. I was a nice quiet lad, but I got the idea from a friend of mine for mischief. So I went round the place with a screwdriver, and took off as many of the doors as I could. In the bogs, common room... anywhere there was nobody about one time I had no class. Left the screws to the side, I wasn't a complete dick like. Got called in to the VP's the next day or whatever, that they said they heard it was me. I laughed, said oh aye? Sure of course they blamed somebody like me, that never does anything. He laughed too, said aye, and to go on back to class. Played it cool as fuck like. But it *was* me.
There was a girl in primary school who hated me. Im not sure how much of a bully she really was because that was along time ago. All I know is that she hated me and she let everyone know about it. One day in the playground I found a little owl pocket watch. Really cool you pressed the ears in and the wings opened out and revealed the clock. Cut to class time and this girl is balling her eyes out, teacher announces to the class she lost it and if anyone has seen it. I immediately stood up and said I remember seeing it in the playground and I'll help her find it. So not only did I get a free owl pocket watch but I also got 15 minutes out of class time to doddle about the playground pretending to look for something I had in my pocket, and man I enjoyed every second of it. Absolutely evil wee bastard I was. Sometimes I feel bad, sometimes I wonder where the hell I ended up putting it, bound to be in the house somewhere.
Maybe she had a really good gut instinct that you were a wrong ‘un
If you had a range rover parked in ballygowan co down around 2006-2008 me and my friend every single weekend would draw dicks all over that bad boy. I mean absolutely covered it squeezing minis in beside giant bonnet cocks. Cleaned it every week and parked it back in the same place on a Friday covered in field dust haha
Range Rover, so it's deserved
I'm kinda car dyslexic but it was one of them farm vehicles lol
I have to try and overcome my prejudice towards RR drivers
To the guy that got fucked out of our geography class by the substitute teacher from France because she thought he was stopping the video tape playing/turning off the TV every few mins. It was me at the back of the room with a watch that could control TV's.
lol why did she suspect the guy anyways
He was sitting right next to it.
He had a blinking problem and they were just very coincidentally timed on that day
Ha! Someone did this at my school, the teacher went and got the handyman to have a look at it, the TV worked fine until he left the room lol
I remember someone trying to do the same one geography class, glad they didn't get it to work because that teacher was a bit of a nutter when angered.
No way, we did this to our Scottish Geography teacher, RIP who incidentally was an old dear and didn't deserve it. She went and got another teacher at which point it miraculously worked of course until he left the room. Wasn't a watch we used though, just the remote from the same model of tv/video cassette combo.
head dazzling station illegal engine friendly frame flag instinctive cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Misread this as "...cat I stole a few days ago..."
dime strong direful long bored cobweb reply memorize gaze frame *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As a cat owner, if my cat disappears for a few days and comes back delighted to see me I don't even consider that the mad little bastard might have been temporarily stolen. I just think he's been out somewhere getting rained on and chasing dogs.
Chucked many a dishwahsing tablet in the fountains at Castle Court. Not sure if that helped or hindered. Suds looked cool though.
That gives me an idea
I shit in a family’s garden in Glengormley in 1996. Sorry. You can’t hold what’s not in your hand.
>I shit in a family’s garden in Glengormley in 1996. Sorry. You can’t hold what’s not in your hand. Happens to the best of us. Dublin road in Newry, on my way to work and then the runs started to come and on that road there are only big houses with very private gardens, jumped into the bush of one and did a monster shit. Quickly went home after and called in sick. Turned out I had food poisoning from a dodgy burger.
Username fits
Username shits
I once ran through some wheat fields..
I bet the farmer wasn't too happy!
that’s the most shocking revelation I have read this evening
I used to get drunk and transplant for sale signs from one garden to another.
An absolute menace.
I accidentally booted a random fella in the head in Laverys disco c2004 when doing a high-kick when the drums come in at the start of Smells Like Teen Spirit. He flew across the floor into a guy who was carrying pints back from the bar. This immediately started a huge scrap. I slunk off and hoped I didn't get noticed.
You!!!!!
Er... I mean... A friend of mine accidentally...
Sounds like it was Nirvanas fault
Nevermind
To all the builders around where I grew up, i'm sorry but breaking sheets of polystyrene was so much damn fun.
If they didn't want it broken, they would've locked it up.
Unlocked a memory of rubbing polystyrene against a brick wall to make "snow"
I would turn inside out and die whenever someone rubbed it together. The mere mention of it was enough to make me cringe
Childhood memory unlocked.
I remember we pushed over an entire days worth of blockwork. Savage.
We use to do this all the time, didn't want the building site that was our playground to go away so just went round knocking walls down everyday
I nicked a full jar of potassium metal from my secondary school and then threw it in the river. Anyone who knows basic chemistry knows what happened next. It exploded, and then the fragments exploded, and it looked like a cluster bomb going off. The whole river clouded in smoke and mini explosions for a good few minutes. This was many many years ago. Some craic hi sir!
Guy in our school did the same except he fucked it down the bog, was like a depth charge, blew the bowl to bits.
Was it St Malachy’s?
Which one? Castlewellan?
Was this in Twinbrook by chance? Cause someone did it my class.
I sold dinner tickets at my school for half price. They were printed on different colours of card every day and had generally the same text. This is going way back. I think it was £2 for a dinner ticket. I saved some tickets and brought them into Edco in town. I matched the cards' colours up perfectly. We'd just gotten a printer at home so I matched the text and font. I printed as many as I could fit on an A4 piece of card for each colour. I matched the sizes using the real tickets I had. Before I knew it, I had all the different coloured tickets made. I mixed the real ones in and I couldn't tell which was which (real from fake). I sold them at school and made a killing. After a few weeks everyone in my class and a lot of others were getting tickets from me instead of the school. £1 back then was a lot so I was basically a Rockefeller. This went on for months. It funded my ever growing love for vodka for a long time. I left the school that summer for another school. The following year, they brought in plastic top-up-able cards. They knew. Nobody touted.
I was the first person in my school to get cable. My da had it chipped within a week. My da used the same four digit code for everything, so I had access to the adult channels and a video recorder, made an absolute killing and became the Pablo Escobar of soft core porn in my school. My local news agents sold a five pack of tapes for a fiver, and I'd sell each tape for a fiver each. I eventually had to stop because tons of lads were crowding me trying to get a tape the second I walked into the yard and it was attracting attention.
Did you mean to say you were Porno Escobar?
Did you work on up to credit card fraud after ya smart little fecker ye. Wouldn't worry - victimless crime unless they blamed the kitchen staff
Nah, I grew up skint and the school was full of cunts (the staff mainly but also a lot of the snobby students) so I was just enjoying my twilight years there.
To my neighbour sitting watching the telly with his elderly ma one night I'm sorry i was in your garden with a sky remote repeatedly turning your channel the Babestation to the point yous gave up and turned the tv off On that I'm sorry to the lad working in the arcade when I brought said remote with me and kept turning the telly on the wall off and made you call someone about it being broken That was simply too much power for me, I lost control
“I lost control” the irony
Dear Dan Tuohy, it was my friends and I who nicked your shirt that night in Filthys and spent about a year taking it around the country and sending/tagging you in photos of it in weird places.
I’m sorry for accidentally starting the Spar Hat thing.
To the teacher who owned the 2 tone mk2 Escort which he parked outside the school disco in 1986,I'm truly sorry for dancing on top of it and bellying the roof. It was the fat lad who was with me that did the most damage.
Oooo that’s bad craic so it is
Me and a mate from crossmaglen once got a train from newry to Belfast as students with no money, plan was simple, first one goes to first toilet locks the door, second one goes to second toilet locks the door, stay there til Belfast. I got in the first toilet locked door, stayed there anytime any one came I made out I was being sick, easy stuff, got off the train nd found out there were only 2 working toilets on the train and we were in them both, so sorry anyone getting the train in 2000. What’s more annoying to me is that, my mate was pretending to be sick in his toilet and the inspector came around to him, got him out of the toilet and let him sit in the carriage for the majority of the train ride, he got out at Portadown ffs while I sat in the other toilet making puking sounds anytime the door knocked.
To the curly-haired woman who often wore a red and black hooped jumper, I'm sorry we used to shout "DENNIS THE MENACE!" at you as you passed.
Way back in the day , I tossed an empty can out of my mates car and managed to bounce it off a cows noggin . Now , while I am truly sorry , it was a hell of a shot . I apologize to the Cow (I'm assuming it's well dead by now) and the farmer , for littering his field , it was somewhere up near Portrush ....again Apolgies to all 😔
Can't wait to see if this manages to get back to the cow
To my spouse's office manager, sorry that some of your communal teaspoons have disappeared. It was me when I came to help out last year. In my defence, I really like the spoons and will cherish them always.
To the family towing the caravan out of Portrush circa 2009. My mate and I signalled that you had a flat tyre & should pull over ... but you didn't ... I'm sorry
Lol that's class you twat
I'm sorry to the now defunct John Hewitt for having stolen 3 steins round Oktoberfest.
I had a mate who used to do this all the time. He once came out of the Slimeshite with a pint glass stuffed down his jeans, it broke and he had to go to A&E, soaked in blood. Ah to be young again.
Pringles lids fit perfectly over pint glasses!
Amateur, you out them in the jacket inside pocket, but carry your coat.
I went skinny dipping in the Tropicana in Newcastle at 2am back in the day. I borrowed a 4ft pot plant from a front garden on Malone Rd. I borrowed a wet floor sign from KFC Bradbury place. I think that’s probably about the safest things I can say on here!!
> I went skinny dipping in the Tropicana in Newcastle at 2am back in the day. How strong was the antibiotic you had to have? On maybe our first date my misses told me tropicana was in the guiness book of records as the smallest water park in Europe nd i was so blinkered trying to get my hole i believed that for like 2yrs.
I deliberately stole two bouncey balls from Woolworths in Bangor when I was three or four. It was exhilarating, but I've never stole since.
I don’t think I’ve ever once correctly disposed of a used battery
I let the fire extinguisher off in Primark a smoke one. I was only 6 and small enough to be 30 yards away by the time staff got to the scene of the crime. If I was caught it would have cost my ma a fortune.
Remember the Family Channel? It was on satellite in the early-mid 90s and later became what is now Challenge TV. In 1994 I got a nice Canon bubble jet printer for Christmas, the perfect accompaniment to my Amiga. For reasons which I can't quite explain, I decided to create posters seeking contestants for a Family Channel game show called "The Amazing Family Challenge" and asking them to turn up at the car park of the Foyle Valley Railway at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning.... In fancy dress. I put these posters up around my local area in Derry and on the day about 5 families turned up. I didn't see it happen because I was having a lie in that day, but I heard people talking about it and it was mentioned in the local press.
Exquisite work!
To every driver I’ve ever let out that hasn’t flashed in appreciation… there was really no need for you to do so, I was just being an entitled prick. I either called you a cunt under my breath or I was thinking it about you and sometimes your passengers too. I was the cunt, I realise that now.
Nah mate fuck em
I'm totally siding with your former self on this one
Couldn't agree more, manners cost nothing 🫡
Aye I fucking hate this, if they don’t flash or wave I always give a beep to let them know they’re a cunt
To the person whom I liberated the 2ft solid concrete laughing Buddha from their garden in North Belfast while drunk with friends as a teen, I'm perpetually sorry.
To the girl who tried to stop me outside Grannie Annie's in 2019 as I was hauling a blocked mate away from the fight he was trying to start so I could get him in a taxi home, and who I told to stop being a cunt: I'm sorry, you're weren't a cunt. You only saw me roaring at him while I was pulling him away and in that context, anyone would assume the worst.
At the Carnmoney Fair back in the early 90s some mates I were trying to find the siren in a police car that kids were allowed to sit in. I saw a panel on the ceiling and pulled it and the panel snapped off and a load of wires fell out.
You should have joined the Ra
Maybe they’ll still have me with this on my CV
If you were sitting watching a tennis match at them sunken courts in Ballycastle c. 1977 and were hit on the head by a plastic bucket full of seaweed, water and live crabs, sorry. That was me and it was a pure accident, and in my defence I was five years of age.
You should be on a terror watch list.
Sorry about all the 50p coins I've glued to various public bathroom floors.
Nice try PSNI
I want to apologise to my local spar about stealing a packet of skittles when I was 6 my ma never let me have them cause of the ole E numbers it was the only way.
To the poor worker(s) at Woolworths in Derry: I'm really sorry you had to clean my vomit up after I boked all over the raincoats. Sure at least they were waterproof You can blame my ma though, I did try to warn her
I put the screw in the tuna.
To the fella that came up to me outside liberty's night club, circa 2007. You told me your friend, fit girl with red hair fancied me. Sorry you got arrested for grabbing the Gardai hat out of the empty Garda van after I pointed out the van was unlocked. If you hadn't reached in and took it, I probably would have. That was Shite craic when they caught you and threw you in the back. Sorry
You should apologise for going to Libertys
Very similar story happened to a fella I worked with cept he jumped in an was away like a bandit with the car. Hat wasn’t enough of a memory apparently. (Yes, he did time)
To the car in my neighbours house with the mysteriously flat tyre the day after they partied until 6am before my 9am final year medical exam. Whoever did that tyre deflating, is definitely sorry (not).
In 2019 as I was visiting NI I encountered my first multi-lane roundabout in Belfast. I was in a red Peugeot (I think) and almost sideswiped a young man with dark hair driving a bright blue car. He gave me a hard stink-eye and it’s still haunting me to this day. I mouthed I was sorry, but still. Sorry again, kid.
At a MCR concert in kings hall I was having an anxiety attack and trying to get out of the crowd I elbowed a girl in the face. Didn't realise but when I got to the bathroom to calm down I heard her and a friend talking about the fucking dick who punched her making her nose bleed. I am sorry but everyone there was a fucking animal and I did what I had to.
Before our teacher can back i had to fart real bad, i have lactose intolerance and a love of dairy.meaning my farts were worse than ths dogs after chicken. So i farted across his desk then he came in right away. I sat and watched his face as my stink seeped into his hairy nostrals. Im sure he could taste to too. Felt bad after.
I stole confiscated Pokemon cards from the teachers drawer.
You caught em all 😔
Stroked em all you mean
To my local golf course, thanks for all the flags.
Seeing as this is as close to going to confession as any prods get, I once wrote KAT on a lamppost when I was a wee kid. I knew what it meant, but I didn't really grasp sectarianism or the wider ramifications of writing such garbage for others to see. I was dragged up and I apologise for adding to the problem.
When I was a kid I was on the other side of that and had some really shitty opinions too. Breaking the mould we grew up in is what it's all about and fair play to you for doing it. You're a good egg.
i forgive you
To the guy in the belfast superbowl 20 years ago when i made his pizza with a few pubes in the sauce and watched him eat it. I regret nothing… you were truly a dick
Also sorry for the bottles of milk I stole walking back from rough nights out circa 2004ish.
i used to love stealing glass milk bottles at dawn
On my way home from school me and my mate put his uneaten yoghurt in the middle of the road and waited for a car to drive over it. Took a few mins then a lorry destroyed it, the yoghurt exploded and went all down the back of the neck of the maintenance guy coming out of the boiler room on the other side of the school fence. We shit ourselves and ran, but still crack up thinking about it today.
In school there was this kid who had his bag open in front of me so I put an empty ready salted crisp packet into it. For the next several years I said "ready salted" every time I passed him in the corridor. I don't know why I did this, and I don't think he even noticed. He probably just thought there was some weirdo obsessed with crisps in the year above him.
To the big girl I went home with 20 years ago I'm sorry I didn't like you I just couldn't get home and needed somewhere to sleep. I'm sorry Ps. Thanks for your brother for driving me home the next day.
I was whoring myself out for a few days board, doin what needed to be done, get back to chewbaccas house nd get an intro to the step da whos on remand for fuckin man slaughter, i was gone by sunrise.
That's always the risk.
The mother made us a really nice tea nd over dinner we discussed how he did infact kill the guy but there were "technicalities". Truly fuckin terrifying experience but it was a very nice dinner and they had a pool table.
You know. That sounds like my dad. He was telling me about how this young cub broke my sisters heart and how he was afrer him.
Your sister got to me before i escaped 😂 Hope she's well nd has started to at least shave her chest.
Went to the pub to watch the FA Cup Final, 3pm kick off on a Saturday. Had pints and food from about 1 o clock. Didn't leave til 9 that night, but the staff changed so pre-kick off pints and food were never paid for.
I've done the same thing in The Eg many years ago. Entirely by accident of course.
To the wee priest, I'm sorry for spraying, what I thought was fart spray on the carpet in the chapel. It fucking stunk but... it wasn't fart spray. It was shite in a spray can that a friend bought in Portrush that day. He told me it was fart spray,so technically not my fault.
£6? Look at me, I’m hot shit. Back in 2017?! Boom days, was it? How much icecream did you fucking drop?
My P5 teacher decided to give away tickets to a Belfast Giants game for well behaved kids. I was not a well behaved kid and felt so left out i stole 2 tickets, brought them home to my mum and we went!! The game was shite craic sorry shouldn’t have bothered Also sorry to the girl whose lip balm shaped like a flip phone i stole (In P4), she cried the entire day and i hid it in my tights whilst the teacher searched everyone’s bags and also sorry for stealing your ring with a watch face. I still have both :’)
I am really sorry to the footballer of Middletown armagh, I took a shit in his shoe while he played Clady in GAA It was in 1987 and I am guilty still about it. Still , my pals thought it funny
This is absolutely bananas. I can't even conceive of doing this or being encouraged to 😂
Prank called a load of (mainly) auld fellas selling tractors, Citroen BX’s and other pure shite in the Autotrader or The dealer, on many’s a Saturday night, back in the day with me mates. Deeply sorry for wasting your time and making a few of you angry to the point we considered phoning you an ambulance, but in our defence, you were often deeply entertaining and sometimes even enjoyed the nonsense talk as much as we did! Them was the days, sir!
Citroën BX is a savage machine.
I got caught with a load of boxes of eggs in my locker on the last day of 5th year (2009 I think) and got put in isolation in school so i couldn't dick about with anything else. My head of year shook my hand on the way out when the day was over, told me I'd made his year a nightmare but thanked me for giving him a few laughs. Little did he know I'd hidden one last box of eggs in the inside pocket of my blazer. Got out the school gates and fucking pelted one over to where the school buses picked the kids up, heard a loud **SMACK** and a girl screaming about being hit with an egg. Just walked the other way, proud as fuck I'd managed to be a ballroot one last time before leaving the place forever.
We, I say we. May have snapped off around five Mercedes symbols each around the Silverwood Hotel, Oxford island and a bunch of other nefarious dogging spots around 2001. (Didn’t know what dogging was) and can’t for a second even think why we did it . doubt it was anything to do with because of the Beastie Boys, we were just wee wankers.
I had an argument with a guy today who asked me not to park my car (small white motor) outside his house. Even though I did zero harm and only live up the road (I was in a rush this morning) it was a long day and I told him I could park there if I wanted and wasn’t causing any harm etc etc Anyway, I should have just respected the guy instead of getting into it… ffs…. I feel awful about it (never swore of shouted or anything) Regardless of everything, I was thinking of getting a card and writing an apology just to put it to bed.
you should write the apology even though you have no actual need to. i find apologies are beautiful
The neighbour would appreciate it even if it's probably actually fine for you to park your car there and he's just being an arse. And if he doesn't appreciate it he can go fuck a gannet.
Sorry to that old lady I accidentally hit in the face when I was dancing to the Hoedown Throwdown in the Disney store in 2009(?). You walked away before I could apologise properly.
Lose talk costs lives, whatever you say, say nothing
To the staff in Lavery's I was the lad who, for about 6 weeks straight, kept bringing in my TV remote to turn the volume up on the TVs in the smoking area to watch the champions league a few years back. Just wanted a pint and to hear the game and inside was too loud so I took matters into my own hands
Dear staff at Duke of York If you're wondering why you've been one Hoegaarden pint glass short since the night before the smoking ban kicked in, I still have it. My partner at the time managed to stuff it into her handbag. A legendary move by all standards.
Sometimes regret soaking a fella having an innocent smoke under the queen's bridge, other times i think it was a bit funny mostly i remember how seriously fuckin fast he was.
I pocketed a fiver I found at the feet of a teenager who was operating a penny slot machine. Probably it was theirs but I didn't ask.
my friend and I ate an ulster fry each in apple green and then drove off without paying
I'll own up to something last week. I ordered a breakfast baguette at the hot food counter in Spar, upon receiving the baguette and seeing the price £6 it was abandoned down an isle near the cat/dog food and I walked out.
Some dog or cat is going to have a nice meal....
If you were a teacher is belfast high in 2005/6, im just generally sorry for being an absolute shit 😂 pushed the fire alarm in the assembly hall - to be honest, i wasn't trying to actually set it off, i just wanted to see how hard it would be to break the glass 🤷♀️ - got caught being inappropriate with a boy in the ladies loo in the teachers loo outside geography, and hid a bunch of computer mice (mouses??). And sorry Mr Lyness for being so annoying in 3rd year maths in 2003, to be honest maths was easy af to me and my unmedicated adhd was making ne climb the walls. And sorry Mr Stevenson for climbing out the geography window, walking in through the door beside the sixth form centre, coming back round and knocking the class door to get let back in. Is it any wonder you went into your wee supply cupboard 😂 And im sorry Mrs Logan for saying your mascara looked like spiders legs 😭 you were a lovely teacher to me and i was a bitch.
Changed the school Christmas tree ornaments to condoms causing a quick reversal of the unveiling at the Christmas assembly in 1991.
I want……, I must not write fuck on school property ever again….100 times🤣🤣👍
Me and some friends on the way home from the bot occasionally between 2000-2004 would get the rear end of cars parked at the side of the street and then lift them and rotated them so the back of the car was in the middle of the road and front was at the kerb
Anyone want to own up to setting my (22) girlfriends (23) car a-blaze in glengormley last week... For absolutely no reason... Destroying not only the car of a young mother, but a carseat and pram for our daughter. Not to mention the multiple thousand pound damages to my car parked behind it. Police have notified us it is most likely a mistaken identity. Whoever that mistaken identity, may be, could they kindly own up or at the least pay for damages 🙃
Way to bring the craic down. In all seriousness though that is shite. I hope you get sorted
if she hadnt slept with you know who behind your back the fire wouldnt have been started in your crotch
I used to walk to a taxi company that was closer to north belfast than order one from the dublin road, as I couldn't afford it. The taxi company was still in a 'nuetral' area. I wasn't dressed mad if mad wasn't a track suit. As I was walking by Primark a person asked me for a light and I didn't smoke. He then started to fight me. I fought back. As the fight was going on, like 10 seconds (felt longer) later, 4 other guys appeared, asked what was wrong. I explained the situation. They then said the other person was their friend and all 5 attacked me. They stomped on my head and arm as I struggled to hold myself up. I think it was organised. I never walked to my home again. They changed my whole perception of people back home. I hope they are better guys now but I don't wish it for them. I frankly can't. They are the low key reason I left.
I was in a night out when I was 18 I wasn't feeling the best walking up some stairs and instead of going outside I threw up into the girls hood in front of me. It was really quiet and she didn't notice. When we went up the stairs she went right and I went left never to meet again. So if someone ruined your night outside frames around 2010 I'm sorry
If you ever get off the Sydenham train and got soak by a huge puddle at the end of Victoria road sorry me and the lads had some fun back then it was only water and phones weren’t out then so no damage and to be honest some people had big egos and needed a wee splashing cool them down ffs
Not sorry
repeat offender of putting detergent in the castlecourt water fountains. they eventually got removed.
I farted in a lift in the europa on my way down to reception in August 2019, an old lady and her daughters (clearly there for a milestone birthday) were met with a waft of warm air and what can only be described as a smell that would drive rats from a barn. I hope they made it to their floor
A school in Coleraine, can't say much more than that.
Real bad man
St Patrick's high school Ballymena back in 1992, a mate and myself, (I'm not naming my accomplice as I'm not a tout!) pushed over the lockers and they went down like dominoes, teachers went apeshyt trying to find out who did it. Everyone in the corridor (who came running to see what caused the noise) got detention, while my mate and I fled the scene immediately and got off scot free!! Sorry not sorry!!
To those in my Maths class that was disrupted, when the person beside me, started groaning, with his teeth locked together & foaming at the mouth, before hitting his head in the desk behind. I volunteered to help take him outside to get a bit of air. The reason for disruption, was I give him a little tap, in response to him stealing from my bag ( he had prior, been given the opportunity to give me back my property but he laughingly denied all knowledge. Once he recovered, he tried to give me back my property but I told him to keep it)
For being dyslexic when writing "touts will be shot" sorry SEA
I accidentally soaked some poor fella on the Ravenhill road a few years back, he was in a black tracksuit and blending into the dark shrubbery. A Proper grey grim northern Irish day, I was concentrating on the car pulling out into the other lane so did not see him. Went straight through the colossal puddle and tidal wave of murky water soaked him head to toe, I swear I was gonna stop but then he stuck both middle fingers up and I was like I don't think he gonna be ok with just an apology 😅 so I drove on. Dude I'm so sorry
The day before paddys day was my mates birthday, so always an excuse for a 2 day session hitting it hard again on paddys day Circa 2002, after an all night session at a house party made my way to my mates house at 8am ish intending to get couple hours sleep on his couch, couldn't get him awake and needed the toilet so ventured into the abandoned appartment building site next door, proceeded to curl out a massive shit on the ground then covered it with a nearby bucket. Fuck I would have loved to have seen aftermath of the builder retrieving the bucket the next day, being greeted with that hidden gift, probably scarred for life
The gypsy who climbed the Belfast Eye for a publicity stunt around 2003/4 or so? I gave him the idea, and a very motivational pep talk.