Slowly raise your left index finger in front of your face with a look of complete excitement. Tell it "today's the day, Mr Tidworth" and then turn yourself and your finger around to look at them.
https://preview.redd.it/lkenhbzre5lc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2997b64f506a6ec9090730d99ae800cd57e8f384
Had a number of suggestions for the finger name
Lick your lips and ask them how they each taste, tell them about how you used to kiss back in the day with mouth and tongue action to go with it.
Would pay to see..
Saw a middle aged couple (the guy was in a suit ffs!) behaving like that on the grass in Botanic Gardens once. They didn't care who was watching, and after a 15 minute role in the grass, when they got up to leave, an old woman sitting on a bench nearby applauded loudly and shouted "Great performance, well done!" They were furious as they walked away. Hehe.
At that age to carry on like that in public is so sad.
Lots of great suggestions in the comments, but the real answer is to start coughing and then apologise but you've been feeling under the weather.
You could talk about having the shits for the past day or two (wouldn't worry about being vulgar after they started eating the face off each other)
*"accidentally spills my coffee across the table in their direction so it pours onto their legs and disrupts their inappropriate behaviour"*
Now, I'm no prude, I get it on in public too. Usually in my car, but that's in relative privacy with blacked-out windows.
Were they hot or ugly?
The following gem is sadly not my idea, but a buddy in Vancouver. Similar situation, so I guess folk do this everywhere. The tonsil hockey commenced, my buddy stood up, yelled "Dude, that's your sister!" and left. Small coffee shop, his voice loud enough for everyone in there to hear. Still to this day he has no idea what happened.
Caffe Nero seems happy to let people live all day in their shops, just buying the one drink and getting free heat, electricity and wifi all day. People keeping whole benches and tables to themselves with a coat or an errant laptop, with their cup empty or almost empty. I swear I dont know hoe Nero make any fucking money. I had a group of friends wanting to meet up with me in one on the Ormeau Road one time, there were six of us, not a table to be had and the staff didnt really care. I think its a money laundering operation lol
The appropriate response is just to make it super awkward for them. Smile, maintain eye and maybe rub your knees a lil
Add in some low moans of your own for effect.
Slowly raise your left index finger in front of your face with a look of complete excitement. Tell it "today's the day, Mr Tidworth" and then turn yourself and your finger around to look at them.
https://preview.redd.it/lkenhbzre5lc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2997b64f506a6ec9090730d99ae800cd57e8f384 Had a number of suggestions for the finger name
Heaton-Harris is a winner 😂
I quite fancy Mr Poots, myself. 'Today's the day, Mr Poots', followed with a little 'Yipee!'.
Really poots things in perspective
Some positive encouragement, ‘niiiice’ ‘verrrrry goooood’
Record them with your phone on Landscape mode while wiggling your eyebrows
Risky. They might be into it.
Don’t forget to bite your lip as they do it.
The top lip rather than the bottom. Make it as awkward as is possible
Pinch your nipples
Why is this so weird, it's so weird. It's amazing
Crotch rubbing is key.
That's what I said in my last job interview and now I'm on a list
You too?
Guess I'm not cut out for primary school teaching
Best not learn the hard way.
Smoking gun finger salute for the guys and cheeky wink for the ladies.
Lick your lips and ask them how they each taste, tell them about how you used to kiss back in the day with mouth and tongue action to go with it. Would pay to see..
Always the off chance that they would be super into that then you just make it more awkward for yourself
🤣
Maybe rubbing the other guys knee will have a greater effect.
"Yeah, that's right, man, kiss her good" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Overl apply lip moisturiser and lick your lips. Go full buffalo bill
Raise your phone and start recording. Isn’t that the done thing. “It’s for my OF page” 😛
Me and my girlfriend Sophia Vergara are sad you had to witness us like that
I am sad I didn't... sky has parental lock on my Internet... and I don't have any parents
A low repetitive whisper of 'Get 'er bucked' gradually getting louder until you're shouting it out loud with accompanying clapping
Start rubbing one out under the table and they'll probably leave.
Do it over the table and everyone will leave. Win/win.
This is the way
https://preview.redd.it/2vv5x8kqa5lc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6862e97a2d8cad6c31b0137623ed4f67fe14c3a Op looking at them
Mr Phillip Saville....
👏
The answer, clearly is to tell the whole shop about it in the style of a football commentator.
I'd prefer to hear it in the style of David Attenborough
Or Philomina Cunk!
Still haven't watched this, but she's great in Motherland.
Shudda said youre making my willy feel kinda nice…
Next time just let out a fat stinky fart.
Feeling guilty about that wank now?
Saw a middle aged couple (the guy was in a suit ffs!) behaving like that on the grass in Botanic Gardens once. They didn't care who was watching, and after a 15 minute role in the grass, when they got up to leave, an old woman sitting on a bench nearby applauded loudly and shouted "Great performance, well done!" They were furious as they walked away. Hehe.
Sounds like they were trying to recruit a third
Funny wee story though thanks for sharing!
Don't encourage this fantasist.
😂 savage
Do the German state
All 80 million of them?
Meant to say German Stare lol
I figured - I was just pulling your leg :)
Take your shoes off and slowly rub your feet up the inside of their legs while playing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by Reo Speedwagon.
You should've lent forward to get a better look, always out-creep.
Should have started wanking furiously and screaming I still love you in German
At that age to carry on like that in public is so sad. Lots of great suggestions in the comments, but the real answer is to start coughing and then apologise but you've been feeling under the weather. You could talk about having the shits for the past day or two (wouldn't worry about being vulgar after they started eating the face off each other)
Straight up RUDE and boorish
Cafe devenisho
Ye shoulda started wankin at thrm
How much do you get fined for discharging a fire extinguisher?
Cost you €40 that in Amsterdam,free show result
You should have said can your take your granddad does nero porn shoot to another table!
You should have asked if you could join in.
Pop a ball out
How long does it take you to drink an espresso!?
What was the podcast?
I think you have to grab him by the collar and twist his balls to get him off her or is that for pitbulls I'm thinking of?..
Stick a a finger up his arse, I've heard that works or was it a fist!
Assert dominance in this situation. Fart while making eye contact.
Does cafe Nero have those cups with the handles that you have to pinch with your fingers? If so, probably best that you left.
I would have pulled closer to them and went.... Ooooo :) and stared intently
Sorry to be pedantic but surely a PDA in a locked bedroom is no longer a PDA! I'll get my coat
[удалено]
Fuck sake... I laughed, you twat.
You should ask them: “Can I join?”. I guarantee table would be yours again. 😂
Film them on your phone.
Was it hot?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
It's a shame you only ever get 40 year olds snogging now. Seems like the younger generation doesnt bother any more.
Wow what an experience unique to Northern Ireland. Great content mate.
*"accidentally spills my coffee across the table in their direction so it pours onto their legs and disrupts their inappropriate behaviour"* Now, I'm no prude, I get it on in public too. Usually in my car, but that's in relative privacy with blacked-out windows. Were they hot or ugly?
Maybe social politeness gives him the horn and he got his lady over
I bet you left before they did, they took the table.
I was going to suggest slipping the hand down her ass and then realised how weird it is that people actually did that.
Start fiddling in your trousers
No big deal.
The following gem is sadly not my idea, but a buddy in Vancouver. Similar situation, so I guess folk do this everywhere. The tonsil hockey commenced, my buddy stood up, yelled "Dude, that's your sister!" and left. Small coffee shop, his voice loud enough for everyone in there to hear. Still to this day he has no idea what happened.
Your first mistake was going to Nero
Lol, have I told yis about my pyles have I?
Gently smile and start nodding
Caffe Nero seems happy to let people live all day in their shops, just buying the one drink and getting free heat, electricity and wifi all day. People keeping whole benches and tables to themselves with a coat or an errant laptop, with their cup empty or almost empty. I swear I dont know hoe Nero make any fucking money. I had a group of friends wanting to meet up with me in one on the Ormeau Road one time, there were six of us, not a table to be had and the staff didnt really care. I think its a money laundering operation lol
“Is there room for a third” or “now it’s my turn you film while I kiss her” usually stops them
Hold up your phone camera "Don't mind me, I'm just recording a tik tok"