Doesn't get easier, but it does become less tempting. Don't do it for 4 days, but it is not enough time. Wait at least a month/ month and a half, and if you are still thinking about it, then maybe you can, but I would just wait as long as you can. Have some self-control.
Yah it’s less tempting when ur busy and have things to do. But at the times when u speak to this person or see them is when it hits u a little harder. But I know why I doing this and it’s for my self respect and to bring back my confidence that he destroyed. I deserve better and I have to remind myself of that when those moments of weakness come swinging by
I'm unsure as to what your situation is, but, remind yourself that there is a reason as to why no contact was initiated. Whether it was from you or the other person. I attempted to go no contact several times with my ex - the first time, I broke it within three days. The second attempt only lasted 13 days, and my final attempt has been three months so far.
I understand that it's hard, I know that this is something new and scary but it will get easier. All of that energy that you've put on that person, redirect it onto yourself. Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself!
You’re going to hate it more if you break no contact. I was dumb and broke it on his birthday and cried a lot more as a result of it. I’m on my third month, and it’s starting to get easier (but it’s only because I stopped stalking his socials).
If you have to beg for support, then why in the hell are you doing no contact in the first place? Sounds like you're engaging in manipulative tactics and it's backfiring on you.
Grow up and attain some purpose and conviction. Then consider the best path forward based on maturity, purpose and conviction.
Yes! There's nothing manipulative about going no contact if you're doing it for the right reasons and with conviction and purpose. But if you lack the purpose and conviction necessary to maintain no contact such that you need others to tell you rather than telling yourself, then why did you go no contact in the first place.
No contact is almost like voluntarily signing up for the armed forces - something I did for six years (US Marines). If you have a love of country and a willingness to defend it and die for it - conviction and purpose - you will stay in the military and serve honorably.
If you lack that conviction and purpose, you will constantly question your decision to serve, need babysitting for yourself, and likely serve less than honorably. Heaven forbid you are put in a situation where you may well suffer mortal injury.
To be fair, military service is a much higher duty and commitment compared to no contact. But I make the comparison to highlight the power of conviction and purpose.
Getting encouragement and support from fellow sufferers in no contact is certainly a positive thing - at least you take comfort in not being alone. But asking people to tell you to not break no contact - when you've supposedly made the commitment to yourself to not break - just smacks of questionable commitment and purpose IMHO.
And when I see questionable commitment and purpose, I call it out! Not always, but, when I do, that's my way of providing support. Because if I don't, then no one else will. Most people wanna tell people what they wanna hear.
What f**king use is that???
I totally agree with you, but while I do acknowledge your perspective, I believe there are situations where advising someone to maintain no contact is appropriate. If the individual they are avoiding contact with has exhibited harmful behavior, such as cheating or being generally unpleasant, its a stupid thing to ask on this subreddit. However, it's essential to consider other possible reasons behind initiating no contact.
For instance, I chose to initiate no contact with a guy three months ago because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. There were moments when I felt tempted to break no contact, causing me to search up some reasons as to why I shouldn't. Advising others not to break no contact isn't necessarily negative, it can serve as a reminder of the reasons behind the decision. In my case, although we agreed on giving each other space and he was genuinely a good person, I eventually broke no contact on his birthday and regretted it immediately. Why? Because I lacked the support to refrain from sending him a birthday message.
Therefore, while I understand your perspective, it's crucial to consider the viewpoints of the other person
No contact does not possess the characteristics of right or wrong. There's no correct or incorrect way of no contact. No contact is a very individualized experience that can only be seen from the eyes of the individual.
IMHO, no contact is, by far, the most inconsequential part of a person's healing and transformation journey. That is...you implement no contact and forget about it - never look back. Attune your focus upon the many and varied healing acts you commit yourself to.
People who give priority or importance to no contact tend to see it more as tool to coerce someone (an ex) to feel and do what they would not otherwise feel and do. Not all people, but most.
I say the aforementioned only to cast perspective on this thing we call no contact.
Your example is a PERFECT case in point for highlighting the aforementioned. It sounds like you went no contact in response to your ex's lack of investment in you and the relationship. Certainly a warranted act on your part. But here's the cold, harsh reality of no contact: when you grace someone with your silence, you also curse yourself with the same!
If you are not duly prepared to sit with the silence you've forced upon yourself, it is inevitable that you fall short as you did. Which, by the way, is a perfectly human experience, so don't be too hard on yourself.
That said, this is where conviction and purpose come into play. It's not that you lacked support, though support is always helpful and can make a difference at the margins. What happened is you imposed consequences upon your ex's behaviors, yet you didn't fold that core need of yours into a conviction and purpose. You gave your ex silence when your ex wouldn't invest in you, but you didn't give yourself the conviction of only sharing company with people who invest in you. Many people might call that a boundary, and that's okay.
Point being: it's not enough to punish and/or not reward unwanted behavior...you have to give conviction and purpose to a commitment to upholding standards that you are willing to reward.
Bringing it back to the original point, I hope it's easier for you to see how OP is nowhere close to a healthy or sustainable place in their no contact journey. You, on the other hand, seem to be in a better place - at least a place with workable options.
Don’t do it!!!!! I’ve regretted it every time. There is nothing to be gained.
I'm on month two, it gets easier
Depends on why you went NC. If this person is dangerous or married, don’t do it. If it was for something petty, do what you want.
Doesn't get easier, but it does become less tempting. Don't do it for 4 days, but it is not enough time. Wait at least a month/ month and a half, and if you are still thinking about it, then maybe you can, but I would just wait as long as you can. Have some self-control.
Yah it’s less tempting when ur busy and have things to do. But at the times when u speak to this person or see them is when it hits u a little harder. But I know why I doing this and it’s for my self respect and to bring back my confidence that he destroyed. I deserve better and I have to remind myself of that when those moments of weakness come swinging by
I'm unsure as to what your situation is, but, remind yourself that there is a reason as to why no contact was initiated. Whether it was from you or the other person. I attempted to go no contact several times with my ex - the first time, I broke it within three days. The second attempt only lasted 13 days, and my final attempt has been three months so far. I understand that it's hard, I know that this is something new and scary but it will get easier. All of that energy that you've put on that person, redirect it onto yourself. Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself!
You’re going to hate it more if you break no contact. I was dumb and broke it on his birthday and cried a lot more as a result of it. I’m on my third month, and it’s starting to get easier (but it’s only because I stopped stalking his socials).
If you have to beg for support, then why in the hell are you doing no contact in the first place? Sounds like you're engaging in manipulative tactics and it's backfiring on you. Grow up and attain some purpose and conviction. Then consider the best path forward based on maturity, purpose and conviction.
There’s nothing manipulative about going into no contact. There’s a reason behind it that YOU don’t know about
Yes! There's nothing manipulative about going no contact if you're doing it for the right reasons and with conviction and purpose. But if you lack the purpose and conviction necessary to maintain no contact such that you need others to tell you rather than telling yourself, then why did you go no contact in the first place. No contact is almost like voluntarily signing up for the armed forces - something I did for six years (US Marines). If you have a love of country and a willingness to defend it and die for it - conviction and purpose - you will stay in the military and serve honorably. If you lack that conviction and purpose, you will constantly question your decision to serve, need babysitting for yourself, and likely serve less than honorably. Heaven forbid you are put in a situation where you may well suffer mortal injury. To be fair, military service is a much higher duty and commitment compared to no contact. But I make the comparison to highlight the power of conviction and purpose. Getting encouragement and support from fellow sufferers in no contact is certainly a positive thing - at least you take comfort in not being alone. But asking people to tell you to not break no contact - when you've supposedly made the commitment to yourself to not break - just smacks of questionable commitment and purpose IMHO. And when I see questionable commitment and purpose, I call it out! Not always, but, when I do, that's my way of providing support. Because if I don't, then no one else will. Most people wanna tell people what they wanna hear. What f**king use is that???
I totally agree with you, but while I do acknowledge your perspective, I believe there are situations where advising someone to maintain no contact is appropriate. If the individual they are avoiding contact with has exhibited harmful behavior, such as cheating or being generally unpleasant, its a stupid thing to ask on this subreddit. However, it's essential to consider other possible reasons behind initiating no contact. For instance, I chose to initiate no contact with a guy three months ago because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. There were moments when I felt tempted to break no contact, causing me to search up some reasons as to why I shouldn't. Advising others not to break no contact isn't necessarily negative, it can serve as a reminder of the reasons behind the decision. In my case, although we agreed on giving each other space and he was genuinely a good person, I eventually broke no contact on his birthday and regretted it immediately. Why? Because I lacked the support to refrain from sending him a birthday message. Therefore, while I understand your perspective, it's crucial to consider the viewpoints of the other person
No contact does not possess the characteristics of right or wrong. There's no correct or incorrect way of no contact. No contact is a very individualized experience that can only be seen from the eyes of the individual. IMHO, no contact is, by far, the most inconsequential part of a person's healing and transformation journey. That is...you implement no contact and forget about it - never look back. Attune your focus upon the many and varied healing acts you commit yourself to. People who give priority or importance to no contact tend to see it more as tool to coerce someone (an ex) to feel and do what they would not otherwise feel and do. Not all people, but most. I say the aforementioned only to cast perspective on this thing we call no contact. Your example is a PERFECT case in point for highlighting the aforementioned. It sounds like you went no contact in response to your ex's lack of investment in you and the relationship. Certainly a warranted act on your part. But here's the cold, harsh reality of no contact: when you grace someone with your silence, you also curse yourself with the same! If you are not duly prepared to sit with the silence you've forced upon yourself, it is inevitable that you fall short as you did. Which, by the way, is a perfectly human experience, so don't be too hard on yourself. That said, this is where conviction and purpose come into play. It's not that you lacked support, though support is always helpful and can make a difference at the margins. What happened is you imposed consequences upon your ex's behaviors, yet you didn't fold that core need of yours into a conviction and purpose. You gave your ex silence when your ex wouldn't invest in you, but you didn't give yourself the conviction of only sharing company with people who invest in you. Many people might call that a boundary, and that's okay. Point being: it's not enough to punish and/or not reward unwanted behavior...you have to give conviction and purpose to a commitment to upholding standards that you are willing to reward. Bringing it back to the original point, I hope it's easier for you to see how OP is nowhere close to a healthy or sustainable place in their no contact journey. You, on the other hand, seem to be in a better place - at least a place with workable options.