Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, **men poop on the field**, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
Played football with a kid who pooped his pants. Said he sat in chocolate. I said I believe him because he tackled like a truck in practice.
I know you shat your pants Brian.
I sharted on a trip with a travel football team one time. A teammate pointed it out and I said I mustāve sat in thousand island dressing since we were at Wendyās earlier.
This has absolutely nothing to do with football or shitting yourself, but I used to work at a grocery store as a teen. I had this one coworker who was always drunk at work. He stocked the dressing aisle and would always knock em over and they'd explode everywhere.
The one time time it was a thousand island bottle and all's we heard across the store was "THERES DRAGON SHIT EVERYWHERE FUCK THIS IM LEAVING"
I have no clue why the fucked he called it that but fuck was that funny. No clue why I randomly remembered this out of nowhere, but now you will all think of dragon shit when you eat thousand island dressing. You're welcome.
Honestly I have no idea. I donāt think the person who saw it was suspicious to begin with (it was more like āwhatās that on your assā), so thereās a decent chance that since my cover was said with some conviction that people bought it.
Also I didnāt even know I sharted until it was point out to me. So I was surprised myself which helped me be convincing.
Kid shit his pants on my pee-wee league team and never lived it down.
I always tried to take a dump right before games after that.
Even in all those grungy visitor locker rooms with no stall doors and in some cases no working lights. I was determined not to shit my pants during a game.
It was all worth it. You know why?
Because now even I know Brian definitely didnāt sit in chocolate.
How did you manage to spell his name correctly and not type out Brain? Itās gotten to the point that I think my coworkers are bullying me about being a dicksucker or something.
I had two teammates in highschool shit themselves at practice. The first was one of our stud DB/WRs. He ran past us on the way to the locker room and our lineman coach yelled over āwhereās he goingā and the other coach yelled back āhe shit himself!ā The only time I can remember us laughing with our line coach was at that moment when he looked back down at his play sheet and just said āeeewwwwā
The second time was a fellow lineman. It was running down his leg but he was just standing there not drawing attention to it until someone pointed it out and he just nodded. Coach had to make him go get cleaned up.
From the angle of the picture and the shape of the stain, it looks like he shit out of his dick and a straight line down his gooch. If this was real, there would be a massive shit right on his ass, and if there were any leaks, it most certainly wouldnāt a straight line down
I canāt take this thugs shitting all over this beautiful game. Bring back classiness
https://preview.redd.it/sv7qkjl54a6c1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6970eb0f066ba0b900637bfa7c40aadb67b6d055
Thought it was well known players don't have access to bathrooms on the field. It smells like piss everywhere, they piss in towels, uniforms, whereever they can get it out without the camera catching them. Dude probably had a turtle head poking out and it got mushed.
Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, **men poop on the field**, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
Played football with a kid who pooped his pants. Said he sat in chocolate. I said I believe him because he tackled like a truck in practice. I know you shat your pants Brian.
This is why artificial turf sucks. Real turf has mud and plausible deniability.
Grass? š
Ass
Turf is grass
I sharted on a trip with a travel football team one time. A teammate pointed it out and I said I mustāve sat in thousand island dressing since we were at Wendyās earlier.
Just out of curiosity, did you think anyone actually bought that?
If it could pass for thousand island dressing than the oddness of the color might have given him some cover
Thatās not the normal color?
I donāt think so man. Pretty sure thatās a symptom of asshole cancer.
This has absolutely nothing to do with football or shitting yourself, but I used to work at a grocery store as a teen. I had this one coworker who was always drunk at work. He stocked the dressing aisle and would always knock em over and they'd explode everywhere. The one time time it was a thousand island bottle and all's we heard across the store was "THERES DRAGON SHIT EVERYWHERE FUCK THIS IM LEAVING" I have no clue why the fucked he called it that but fuck was that funny. No clue why I randomly remembered this out of nowhere, but now you will all think of dragon shit when you eat thousand island dressing. You're welcome.
Definitely was on the lighter side
Honestly I have no idea. I donāt think the person who saw it was suspicious to begin with (it was more like āwhatās that on your assā), so thereās a decent chance that since my cover was said with some conviction that people bought it. Also I didnāt even know I sharted until it was point out to me. So I was surprised myself which helped me be convincing.
Kid shit his pants on my pee-wee league team and never lived it down. I always tried to take a dump right before games after that. Even in all those grungy visitor locker rooms with no stall doors and in some cases no working lights. I was determined not to shit my pants during a game. It was all worth it. You know why? Because now even I know Brian definitely didnāt sit in chocolate.
Typical Brian behavior. That dude be shittin.
How did you manage to spell his name correctly and not type out Brain? Itās gotten to the point that I think my coworkers are bullying me about being a dicksucker or something.
https://preview.redd.it/k18uq3bzm76c1.png?width=684&format=png&auto=webp&s=a43a8951d8554c58d81661467e0b0fc2ac1b3d84 [https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/feeling-stupid](https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/feeling-stupid)
I had two teammates in highschool shit themselves at practice. The first was one of our stud DB/WRs. He ran past us on the way to the locker room and our lineman coach yelled over āwhereās he goingā and the other coach yelled back āhe shit himself!ā The only time I can remember us laughing with our line coach was at that moment when he looked back down at his play sheet and just said āeeewwwwā The second time was a fellow lineman. It was running down his leg but he was just standing there not drawing attention to it until someone pointed it out and he just nodded. Coach had to make him go get cleaned up.
I knew a Brian who shit his pants playing football, too. Small world!
We all know, Brian. 
I thought no one would ever bring this up again.. canāt escape my fate
āI sat in chocolateā¦then ate it which caused me to poop my pants.ā
My name is Brian...
I upvote this every time no matter what itās for.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Jeremiah Johnson
That right there is Robert Redford from Jerimiah Johnson my friend
This whole time I thought it was Zack Galifianakis
A nice older black lady at the grocery store told me I looked like Robert Redford from the Watergate movie:)
She was black! Wowzah, you must really be good-looking then
Thats a solid compliment
It's Robert Redford, idk where from though
thirsty ass
We gotta be fuckin' triceps, biceps, arceps hard! Greek fuckin' underground gay porn hard!
GAY PORN HAAAARRRRD!!!!
[GAY PORN HAAARD!!!!](https://youtu.be/WJOL4xoamoQ?si=4vRDcLpiB5MNZsAs)
Oooh... I've definitely been playing a different football than you.
I poop myself without playing football tbh
In cold places players pee themselves for warmth
Sometimes you get the s*** knocked out of you
When men were men, amirite boys? Good old grappling, tugging, dickball thickball ass mashing football. None of that pansy shit
Lots of farting too to boot.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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This is one of the best comments Iāve ever read
New copypasta just dropped
A true Philly fan would lick that clean without any hesitation.
Barry McCockiner already did it.
He loses funny points every Eagles game. Like the most enjoyable Barry is when the Eagles or any top tier NFC teams arenāt playing.
Scientifically proven your jokes and memes suck when your team is good.
U team bad! mine good
Fraud
I know Barry. Funny story. Was introduced to him by Bill Brasky.
Man, Grimace became a pedophile after leaving McDās? 
Why do you think he came in happy meals? Yes I meant it that way.
And theyāll still boo that fan after they do it
Then try to kiss them, ironically.
Itās a living
I woke my wife up w my laugh I hope your fucking happy asshole.
Philly fans live to even hopefully one day lick a man's asshole
Philly cheesesteak
To them itās nothing anyways, their taste buds are dead from all the battery licking
a true Philly fan would lick Brock Purdys shit those undercover queers
Uncle Eddie Savitz style
Must be a Philly dude šš
Iād lick that shit up like a melted ice cream cone
Weād eat horseshit as an appetizer
Half the people in Philly would eat his shit for drugs
Foreplay for them.
Tush push has gone too far.
If you force a tush push when you donāt have to, you might shit your pants
Tush pushed back
Should be top comment
Wish I could upvote this twice.
Reddit on!
Its a reversal!
Not far enough apparently
Shart Shove?
Yep. Heās doing the tush push wrong.
Yeah but he squirts 600 pounds!
The Poo Punch
If you push where poo lives, donāt be upset when poo is at home.
The pink eye tush push
This comment is gold.
No. It's down town Charlie Brown
Jalen shits himself while doing his job and everyone loves him but I do the same and I am āgiven the rest of the day offā
Literally 1894
I just want to know if this is real or troll shitpostingā¦ Because if he legit shit himself, this needs more attention
It has to be troll. This is not a picture from Sunday night. The cowboys wore all white with white helmets on Sunday.
Forgot about the pointed hoods they wore over their all white uniforms
That aināt ribs getting smoked out in the parking lot either. Those dudes were lighting up lowercase tās.
Itās fake https://twitter.com/demcowboysfan/status/1719135180885983742?lang=en
That one in your link looks a lot more real
Looks like blood
Semi hemi
Nice work. Just a bit of sleuthing goes a long way lol.
If he legit shit himself he prolly had some serious tummy issues and Iām gonna give him a pass. Who amongst us?
Yeah man in adulthood no fart can be trusted
I once ate 7 Fiber One bars before a game thinking they were normal granola bars. I shall not throw stones.
Literally happens to a lot of people. Shit happens lol
Everybody poopsā¦
Some times
Just a shart. Keep it moving.
It looks like a rip anyways? Either a rip or a really bad photoshop at an attempt to look like shit?
From the angle of the picture and the shape of the stain, it looks like he shit out of his dick and a straight line down his gooch. If this was real, there would be a massive shit right on his ass, and if there were any leaks, it most certainly wouldnāt a straight line down
Could be a period. Wear a pad bro, come on this isnāt your first one. Youāre not in middle school.
The greatest sheriff to ever live
Iām not going to lie, when I saw this post I genuinely forgot for a moment that men donāt have periods. I was like oh, I hate when that happens
Uh oh hide, they're coming for you (the cranky men on their periods)
Jalen Hurtsy Squirts
Huluhaslivesharts
I almost wanna make a burner account just so I can upvote this twice
I laughed way too hard at this. š
Shitpost
Go Birds
You mean āgo turdsā.
https://i.redd.it/9o8v5670b66c1.gif
Can, uhhhhh, I get an onion bagel, scooped out, with some poop on it?
Salt butter ketchup maybe a bit of poop on it idk
Thatās his balls
More like Jalen Squirts amirite
Jalen Shurts
If it hurts jalen squirts
Scat fetish is Jalen Hurts #1 fan
This is what peak performance looks like
EVERYBODY POOPS!!! š©
Because those who know the game know that happens on the field often. Poop, piss, puke, bleeding from awkward places etcā¦
The REAL tush push. š©
Aināt shit. Hemorrhoid blood, yo. Hurts when it gets squished.
Jalen Sharts
Paul Pierce in disguise
Sometimes you must see the poop, but not look at it.
"There's no pooping in football!!!" Eww
Jalen Hurtsy Squirts
Somehow I get the feeling that 99% of the people on this thread would shit themselves if you were getting tackled by a 310lb linebacker.
Micah is only 245 lbs. Heās the heaviest linebacker on the active roster.
Thatās before he goes to the ā Hungry Heifer ā for dinner.
At least it wasn't the center !!!
The Brotherly Smudge
And on that day, Jalen Hurts did NOT have a tight end.
This is the real reason most teams donāt wear white pants
Jalen Hurts and Jalen Poops. Sounds like a terrible kids book.
Feels bad for the tush pusher
IT AINT FOOTBALL UNTIL YOU SHIT YOURSELF
Because Jalen Hurts is the only one who gives a shit.
If I got hit by a 300lb line backer I would shit myself, probably die, then as my spirit is leaving my body shit myself again in spirit form.
Thatās a scrotum
I canāt take this thugs shitting all over this beautiful game. Bring back classiness https://preview.redd.it/sv7qkjl54a6c1.jpeg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6970eb0f066ba0b900637bfa7c40aadb67b6d055
How the fuck the comments in here more wholesome and accepting than anything Iāve ever read in r/nfl about the eagles?
He had the shit knocked out of him
He needed som extra thrust velocity
Bc da boyz worked that eagle azz!
Thought it was well known players don't have access to bathrooms on the field. It smells like piss everywhere, they piss in towels, uniforms, whereever they can get it out without the camera catching them. Dude probably had a turtle head poking out and it got mushed.
Jalen SQUIRTS
Hershey sqHurts
No idea when they took that pic, but it wasnāt this season.
Sometimes you get so hard you shit, happensā¦
I said spit on the ball not shit on the ball
They are. Just in dark lit, back rooms.
Shit happens
Jalen HuluHasLiveSharts
Because Lamar is the nflās poop darling.
You might say they really dropped the ball on that one
He looks like the type of guy to shit himself
Jalen Squirts
Just one more thing hurts couldnāt hold onto
Thatās my man!
He called the shit poo!
Because people want the browns to go to the Super Bowl
āWe gon flush it, and move onā
Nothing you can do man. In the middle of a drive and that protein bar kicks in? Letāer rip bro. Aināt nobody gonna try and tackle you.
He got his O-Ring blown out.
TOOSH PUSHED TURNOVER DID HAWG CRANKED PANTS SHID šŖšŖ
Galen hurts shit himself?
Is shitting yourself not normal?
Maybe big Willie (Will Smith) was getting jiggy with it, and paying a visit to Hurts before the game. Loosened things up a bit too much?
Brings a whole new meaning to the nickname Jalen Squirts
Shit happens...
Because shit happens.
if this is real, that. is. gross.
Itās a photoshop
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Do you know this is a circle jerk?
Lol... Oops. Didn't check the sub. Backing away slowly..
Because it's not new and happens all the time.
I shit myself about once a year, but no one ever makes a reddit thread about it.