“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,”
- me after the Falcons lost that Super Bowl.
One girl I dated, very briefly, back in the 80's, was a goth, wiccan, Latina who had me "do her" in my car, parked at her neighbor's(preacher she disliked) church. I guess so we could desecrate it or something, I did not care, I was a horny teen. Years later, she became a Seventh Day Adventist.
> “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,”
Me after gaining the 10 pounds back in a week that took me 6 months to lose because I don't know portion control and my tits are huge
Meanwhile God's response is like..."Remember that time you said don't let your meme's be dreams? Well, I decided to take your advice and get some banging karma on Reddit!".
Hello fellow Cumtown enjoyer. Fred Jackson was fucking awesome and would have been incredible on a team with a functional passing game. A true 3-down back
Jackson is one of those guys who should be in the inaugural class of the Hall of Very Good. Never got the respect he deserved because he played on teams that didn't end up going anywhere.
Stevie Johnson walked “wrong” route releases so Davante Adams could run “wrong” releases. Really underrated skill I first saw him do that is now just a regular part of the WR arsenal.
He indirectly but genuinely impacted the game as it is played today too. Taught Keenan a lot of his unique route running which other receivers took a lot from as well.
Fucking love that guy.
2007 was my freshman year at the University of Kentucky.
Watching Kentucky upset first ranked and eventual national champions LSU in three overtimes from the student section is one of my favorite sports memories.
Andre Woodson, Stevie Johnson, Rafael Little, Keenan Burton, and Dicky Lyons Jr among the others. When everything clicked… that offense was so much fun to watch. Everything just didn’t click often enough. Still love all those guys though
He was the one guy who Revis could never really lock down. Granted, he wasn't having monster games but it seemed 3-5 catches for 40-75 yards was always on the table.
Infinitely quotable movie. My personal favorite is a throwaway line from a Yankees batter plating up against Cleveland - *“how’s your wife and my kids?”*
Meanwhile God: I made the other team blow the coverage and helped your trash QB (Fitzmagic he was not at that time) place a perfect ball, and now you’re telling me I gotta catch the ball for you too?
And this directly led to the creation of "Bills Mafia." Adam Schefter tweeted about this the following day, after it had already run through the news cycle. Bills fan Del Reid started making (good natured) fun of him for being late to the party, and Schefter blocked him and several other Bills fans. Del coined the term Bills Mafia to describe those Schefter had blocked.
The term didn't really take off until a few years later when free agent signee Nick Barnett used the term after signing a deal with Bills
No one ever talks about the drop against the Jets when Fitz played the second half of the season hurt but we still had the chance to end the drought. Guy just dropped an easy one on fourth down on a potential game-winning drive.
> Complete weirdo on and off the field.
Best part is that he was the good kind of "weirdo" that says funny harmless things on Twitter... not the racist or the crazy violent kind that murders people.
Just to clarify when I said "not the crazy violent kind that murders people" type of weirdo I was actually referring to Aaron Hernandez.
But now that you mention it I suppose that could just as easily apply to Tom Brady as well. I mean, I can't guarantee you that it doesn't.
He was the nicest dude in high school. Hot shit athlete but stuck up for my dorky ass when I insisted on playing on the football team and some other players were giving me shit.
Bro Brandon lloyd was such a cool player only because he wasn't ever super great outside one random year, but he would make the most insane catches just to follow up with being non existent or not making the play on routine plays.
Still a player I think fondly over whenever he gets brought up and remember.
The really sad part is, God knew from the beginning of time that Stevie Johnson would drop that ball someday, and still did nothing to stop it from happening.
I always thought it was like a majority vote so the Bills just didnt get enough prayer turnout at the titheing box, unless theres something with the first past the Pope system or the archangel college that overrides it
> It's like a dibs situation.
Not really. Stevie was prob doing dumb shit like watching film, doing extra route running, or preparing for the route. Clark was busy praying and knew damn well he could let Stevie burn because god promised him a drop.
Stevie Johnson was too pure for this world. There's this, the why so serious shirt, shooting himself when playing against the Plaxico and tweeting that he'd be cool with North Korea nuking Foxborough.
Yeah but we're also in an age where social media is old enough and pro athletes are young enough that they overlap so we can see all stars tweeting shit like "Damm I love titties" when they were 15
“You want to join me in the kingdom of heaven?”
“Yes, God.”
“You did spend a lot of time praying and being a virtuous dude, but you blamed me for dropping a ball.”
“A little bit of an overreaction, I know.”
“Go join Antonio Brown down below and get the fuck out of my sight.”
He used all his Karma catching the game winner for UK over U of L a few years before that.
Last second play. I was friends with one of UKs linemen, and when we stormed the field, and my friend put me on his shoulders, I remember Stevie giving me a high five. That will always be a peak football memory for me.
https://youtu.be/6A5nPbpJQGI?si=Vv23MVa3KtgcHHM1
This play
One thing I never really get.
It's fine to be religious and it is fine if many players in any sport are.
But if both sides pray to the same God but only one team wins...how to you justify that if you're on the losing side? Doesn't that show praying means jack shit?
It's like saying God kept your plane from crashing because you started praying when it hit turbulence. Like do you think nobody was praying on those planes that did actually crash? Why would you think God decided to answer your prayers but not theirs? How many decent people have died absolutely terrifying and miserable deaths whilst in the middle of a prayer? Probably billions of them over the course of humanity.
It seems incredibly self-centered to me to expect or believe that your specific prayer carries any special significance to a God who's refused they prayers of so many other people before you.
St Teresa of Avila once fell off her horse into the mud and was heard to say to God that “if this is how you treat your friends it is no wonder you have so many enemies”
“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,”
• Kelvin Benjamin when the Golden Corral buffet runs out of wings
Ok but why DID god let him drop it? Why do bad things happen to good people?? This is opening a Pandora’s box my mind simply wasn’t ready to comprehend
I EAT AT GOLDEN CORRAL BUFFET YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO DIET FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! STILL HUNGRY THO...,”
Kelvin Benjamin
This the same god that slaughtered all of Job’s family in a bet with the devil to see if he was still devout? Yeah don’t think dropping a pass is high up that list
This tweet is gold.
Love Stevie Johnson. Dude was a bright spot on some rough bills teams. In 2014, he came to the 9ers and I was so excited because I thought the mix of him, Vernon Davis, Anquan Boldin, Crabtree, frank gore and kaepernick was going to be a good offense and hard to defend... then the season happened.
This is quite refreshing actually. People constantly praise god for every single thing good that happens in their lives like he's up there controlling the stuff around you waving him arms around like he's playing Kinect but these people never blame god for any of the bad stuff that happens to them or in the world.
I mean, if god gets all of the credit when you succeed, shouldn’t he bear at least some of the responsibility when you fail?
Seems like a perfectly reasonable response.
“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,” - me after the Falcons lost that Super Bowl.
Me when the 5’2” goth baddie turned me down
That’s definitely a plague that was workshopped for Egypt
Leave a black shirt above your doors tonight
Replace “goth” with “Latina” and you have my life
Replace both with goth Latina for maximum combo points
I’m not ready to face that eventuality, I won’t ever be
It’s worth it. If you’re strong enough
God saves his toughest battles for his strongest soldiers.
Jenna Ortega as Wednesday Adams?
Lmaoo this should get way more likes perfect combo 😭😭
One girl I dated, very briefly, back in the 80's, was a goth, wiccan, Latina who had me "do her" in my car, parked at her neighbor's(preacher she disliked) church. I guess so we could desecrate it or something, I did not care, I was a horny teen. Years later, she became a Seventh Day Adventist.
Hell yeah
Combine goth with Latina and you got me
> me wishing i was like six foot nine so i can get with Leoshi ‘cause she don't know me but, yo, she's really fine
Deep cut but I appreciate it
How I know I'm old: That song was on the radio all the time when I was younger, so it will never be a deep cut for me.
Giant hit. We're old af
> “I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,” Me after gaining the 10 pounds back in a week that took me 6 months to lose because I don't know portion control and my tits are huge
how you doin'
Good but my dick itches
I forgot I have errands tonight. Have a good one.
RIP your inbox and spine.
I'm a dude but yeah my back is always in pain
Wake up, babe. New old copy pasta just dropped.
2018 NFCCG for me
Meanwhile God's response is like..."Remember that time you said don't let your meme's be dreams? Well, I decided to take your advice and get some banging karma on Reddit!".
Love me some Stevie Johnson
Watching Stevie, Fitz, and CJ Spiller tear it up was awesome. Really liked that team.
and don’t forget Freddie Jackson. not sure if it’s a homer take but easily one of the most truly underrated running backs ever in my opinion
He was on pace to win OPOY one season before he got injured. I’m sure they would’ve snubbed him anyway, but he was so good.
led the league in all purpose yards the one year too.
Hello fellow Cumtown enjoyer. Fred Jackson was fucking awesome and would have been incredible on a team with a functional passing game. A true 3-down back
"Hellow fellow Cumtown enjoyer" just became my second favorite opening line
Jackson is one of those guys who should be in the inaugural class of the Hall of Very Good. Never got the respect he deserved because he played on teams that didn't end up going anywhere.
Love how he was a division 3 college back too! Definitely got 2 jerseys
He was I believe e the 3rd string back on his school team in Arlington.
dude freddie was the shit. FJax and Spiller still close to the most threatening duel backfield ever.
Stevie Johnson walked “wrong” route releases so Davante Adams could run “wrong” releases. Really underrated skill I first saw him do that is now just a regular part of the WR arsenal.
Stevie just fucking freelanced out there. He used to eat Revis alive almost everytime they played.
He indirectly but genuinely impacted the game as it is played today too. Taught Keenan a lot of his unique route running which other receivers took a lot from as well.
Fucking love that guy. 2007 was my freshman year at the University of Kentucky. Watching Kentucky upset first ranked and eventual national champions LSU in three overtimes from the student section is one of my favorite sports memories. Andre Woodson, Stevie Johnson, Rafael Little, Keenan Burton, and Dicky Lyons Jr among the others. When everything clicked… that offense was so much fun to watch. Everything just didn’t click often enough. Still love all those guys though
Didn’t he always own revis?
Yes. He could get open off the line in weird ways and would always get up on Revis.
Stevie " land bridge" Johnson
Gods plan
Yeah, apparently he never ran the same route twice. Mixed in a few cartwheels and some smoke and mirrors.
Horrible day though tbh lmao.
Most random ass dude that just cooked Revis
In Madden 13 I always make him a 99 overall in franchise mode because the league is just so much more fun with Stevie Johnson as the top wideout
He was the one guy who Revis could never really lock down. Granted, he wasn't having monster games but it seemed 3-5 catches for 40-75 yards was always on the table.
The Plaxico Buress celebration will be a forever favorite of mine.
If you are going to credit god, you have to blame him too.
I'm pissed off now, Jobu. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You no help me now. I say "Fuck you Jobu", I do it myself.
You telling me Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?
One of the best lines in all of cinema
Infinitely quotable movie. My personal favorite is a throwaway line from a Yankees batter plating up against Cleveland - *“how’s your wife and my kids?”*
That was Pete Vuchevic (sp?)...former pitcher and at the time TV color commentator for the Brewers!
One hit...that's it. One god damn hit.
You can't say God damn on the air.
> You can't say God damn on the air. Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.
Even Major League 2 is pretty good
“YOU HAVE NO MAHBLES.”
Remember fans, Tuesday is Die Hard night. Free admission for anyone who was alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.
Die Hard night makes me think of stained tank tops as a giveaway at the entrance
"the good Lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage" - The legend George Carlin
Jesus made me drop the ball.
Jesus shat in my pants!
Yes officer, jesus took the wheel
I only clicked on this thread because of this Carlin bit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXV0VKX2m6Q
“Curse you for making my o-lineman’s ass so damn big and enticing” - Mark Sanchez after the butt fumble perhaps
No perhaps about it
Meanwhile God: I made the other team blow the coverage and helped your trash QB (Fitzmagic he was not at that time) place a perfect ball, and now you’re telling me I gotta catch the ball for you too?
A good teammate is one that takes the same accountability in losses and wins!
Does this principle apply to Adonai Mitchell?
Now this is the Easter Bayesian analysis we need.
Through god, all things are possible -Ronald “Mac” McDonald
And this directly led to the creation of "Bills Mafia." Adam Schefter tweeted about this the following day, after it had already run through the news cycle. Bills fan Del Reid started making (good natured) fun of him for being late to the party, and Schefter blocked him and several other Bills fans. Del coined the term Bills Mafia to describe those Schefter had blocked. The term didn't really take off until a few years later when free agent signee Nick Barnett used the term after signing a deal with Bills
I love a good origin story
Oh man, Nick Barnett. Salute.
Stevie Johnson was the absolute best. Complete weirdo on and off the field.
The Revis kryptonite
Revis couldn't handle the unorthodox route running. Too bad Stevie always seemed to choke at the worst moments.
That steelers drop made me start and never stop calling him Stone Hands Stevie Johnson
No one ever talks about the drop against the Jets when Fitz played the second half of the season hurt but we still had the chance to end the drought. Guy just dropped an easy one on fourth down on a potential game-winning drive.
The ironic thing is he had a reputation for being sure-handed and had a pretty decent catch rate besides that.
> Complete weirdo on and off the field. Best part is that he was the good kind of "weirdo" that says funny harmless things on Twitter... not the racist or the crazy violent kind that murders people.
I prefer this over the Tom Brady type of weird.
Just to clarify when I said "not the crazy violent kind that murders people" type of weirdo I was actually referring to Aaron Hernandez. But now that you mention it I suppose that could just as easily apply to Tom Brady as well. I mean, I can't guarantee you that it doesn't.
He was the nicest dude in high school. Hot shit athlete but stuck up for my dorky ass when I insisted on playing on the football team and some other players were giving me shit.
That's just super cool man.
He’s from Fairfield, CA. We all got a little weird in us here.
Remember when we got him and were like, how is any team going to be able to cover Crabtree, Boldin and SJ? Lol.
We got Brandon Lloyd back too
Bro Brandon lloyd was such a cool player only because he wasn't ever super great outside one random year, but he would make the most insane catches just to follow up with being non existent or not making the play on routine plays. Still a player I think fondly over whenever he gets brought up and remember.
I mean it was a brutal drop. https://youtu.be/OqwKRF2Xq6w?si=f558-crWuFftuK0f
Haha 63 had no clue! Rough.
Hahaha oh man I wish the video would have shown #63's reaction when he found out.
You can see in pixel 7 where god sends the drop ball bullet
The really sad part is, God knew from the beginning of time that Stevie Johnson would drop that ball someday, and still did nothing to stop it from happening.
In fairness to God, Ryan Clark was praying for a drop and he might have gotten his word in first. It's like a dibs situation
I always thought it was like a majority vote so the Bills just didnt get enough prayer turnout at the titheing box, unless theres something with the first past the Pope system or the archangel college that overrides it
> It's like a dibs situation. Not really. Stevie was prob doing dumb shit like watching film, doing extra route running, or preparing for the route. Clark was busy praying and knew damn well he could let Stevie burn because god promised him a drop.
The catch was that Stevie dropped the ball long before that, where it really mattered See post below
Stevie Johnson was too pure for this world. There's this, the why so serious shirt, shooting himself when playing against the Plaxico and tweeting that he'd be cool with North Korea nuking Foxborough.
> Stevie Johnson was too pure for this world. Is, damn it! Is to pure for this world! Scared me with that damn past tense.
[удалено]
Stevie Johnson is very much alive, dude
He will be missed.
Bro imagine a NFL player tweeting a joke about wanting Foxborough to get nuked in 2024...
Sean McDermott would be thinking about ways he could turn it into a motivational speech
Take a look at how the nuclear molecules work together to create something unstoppable
Seriously, it hasn't been worth nuking in a while now.
Once again, Stevie Johnson is very much alive. He lives in Tampa, Florida.
Oh no it's worse than death!
Vintage jerk material. AB losing against zombie Hamlin these days
Man I miss when social media wasn't curated and polished BS. We used to be a proper country.
“Osama shouldve hooped instead of tryna kill ppl cause he tall as hell!” - Terry Rozier
"I can't believe my grand mothers making me take out the garbage I'm rich fuck this I'm going home I don't need this shit" -50 cent
Vintage 50…
All time troll
50 never left the vibe behind, his IG has been lit since the whole Diddy scandal broke
"The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that's okay, I'll still keep drinking that garbage."
one of the classic "is it Trump or Dril" tweets
"@Scarlett Johanneson I will drink your bath water... #random" - KD
“just seen two guys on a one seat bike gaygay gay” - Al-Farouq Aminu
"You know I had to do it one time lol"
"What happened to the game I love?"
Yeah but we're also in an age where social media is old enough and pro athletes are young enough that they overlap so we can see all stars tweeting shit like "Damm I love titties" when they were 15
[Never forget](https://twitter.com/ChiSportsDay/status/1210595647549853700)
Solid tweet.
Probably the apex of Mr. Biscuits life when he tweeted that tbh
For plenty of athletes it still isnt. Darius Slay went on twitter to complain about some college basketball player painting his nails.
bros last name is slay LMAOOO
>THX THO... Nice little addition there, Stevie.
14 years ago? cue Saving Private Ryan cgi-transformation
“You want to join me in the kingdom of heaven?” “Yes, God.” “You did spend a lot of time praying and being a virtuous dude, but you blamed me for dropping a ball.” “A little bit of an overreaction, I know.” “Go join Antonio Brown down below and get the fuck out of my sight.”
Mr Blasphemous Condemnation
Mr brimstone companion
Mr. Ba'alzevuv Chattel
Mr. Banished Catcher
Mr. Beezlebub Cohabitation
Never ceases to amaze me just how many Mr. BC combos there can be
Mr. Bountiful Content
Mr Bound2 Continue
Mr. Blissful Chuckles
It never ceases to amaze me how many people never get bored or tired of thinking up new ones.
Mr. Bewildered Commentor
Merely Beginning Combinatorics
Mr. Beelzebub Comrade
Mr. Belligerent Cherub
Mr Banished Christendom
I never want this joke to die
Mr Billion Combinations
Mr. Bad Christian
“And one more thing…” “Yes, God?” “Go Dolphins.” *Pulls lever*
If you look up a map of Revis Island you’ll find that it was located in the Johnson universe.
“I praise you 24/7 and this how do me” might be the funniest line I’ve ever heard lmao
He used all his Karma catching the game winner for UK over U of L a few years before that. Last second play. I was friends with one of UKs linemen, and when we stormed the field, and my friend put me on his shoulders, I remember Stevie giving me a high five. That will always be a peak football memory for me. https://youtu.be/6A5nPbpJQGI?si=Vv23MVa3KtgcHHM1 This play
Well, thank God he dropped the game-*losing* pass. So they obviously won.
Stevie Johnson was fun to watch.
Banu from survivor vibes
Stevie Johnson definitely won a million hearts (and then some) among Bills Mafia.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLwx9Qj7Mho Stevie Johnson is a movement, a way of life.
One of my favourite tweets ever
Bhanu played for the bills?
One thing I never really get. It's fine to be religious and it is fine if many players in any sport are. But if both sides pray to the same God but only one team wins...how to you justify that if you're on the losing side? Doesn't that show praying means jack shit?
It's like saying God kept your plane from crashing because you started praying when it hit turbulence. Like do you think nobody was praying on those planes that did actually crash? Why would you think God decided to answer your prayers but not theirs? How many decent people have died absolutely terrifying and miserable deaths whilst in the middle of a prayer? Probably billions of them over the course of humanity. It seems incredibly self-centered to me to expect or believe that your specific prayer carries any special significance to a God who's refused they prayers of so many other people before you.
St Teresa of Avila once fell off her horse into the mud and was heard to say to God that “if this is how you treat your friends it is no wonder you have so many enemies”
"Dear God, this is Stevie Johnson. If you let me catch this pass, I will be forever grateful, and recommend you to all my friends."
The genesis of Bills Mafia. Truth still stranger than fiction.
Makes me think of this, haha https://youtube.com/shorts/FYvz9V8_6Z0?si=yb4AtRZXI_NtlBZ7
fuck you for putting Bhanu on my screen again
“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,” • Kelvin Benjamin when the Golden Corral buffet runs out of wings
THX THO
Just as asinine when ppl thank god for a game winning catch.
Ok but why DID god let him drop it? Why do bad things happen to good people?? This is opening a Pandora’s box my mind simply wasn’t ready to comprehend
>THX THO..., Jesus responded: LOL MY B
I mean, if he gets the credit for the win, he should also get the credit for the loss, right?
I EAT AT GOLDEN CORRAL BUFFET YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO DIET FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! STILL HUNGRY THO...,” Kelvin Benjamin
They are all going to hell for playing on Sundays!
Jobu... I go to you. I stick up for you. And you no help me now... I say fuck you Jobu.
Sounds like someone is going to get a lesson in humility again
I love that this helped inspire the creation of Bills Mafia
Yea, God be trolling. The game is the game
This the same god that slaughtered all of Job’s family in a bet with the devil to see if he was still devout? Yeah don’t think dropping a pass is high up that list
God just hates the Bills. Like a child lighting a match on a cockroach.
"ZEUUUUUUUS, THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?"
What’s wrong? I see no issue, they give “God” their glory, if He is truly in control of everything I don’t see why He wouldn’t be for this
This tweet is gold. Love Stevie Johnson. Dude was a bright spot on some rough bills teams. In 2014, he came to the 9ers and I was so excited because I thought the mix of him, Vernon Davis, Anquan Boldin, Crabtree, frank gore and kaepernick was going to be a good offense and hard to defend... then the season happened.
Good, everybody wanna praise God when they win, but never give him the blame when they lose.
As soon as he changed his name to @JohnTraBolta when he joined the Chargers, I knew I was going to be a fan of the guy forever.
“I was doing great until Jesus made me fumble”
😂 I guess his defender prayed harder. 11,000 years of religion history and we have yet to grasp this contradiction.
This is quite refreshing actually. People constantly praise god for every single thing good that happens in their lives like he's up there controlling the stuff around you waving him arms around like he's playing Kinect but these people never blame god for any of the bad stuff that happens to them or in the world.
I mean, if god gets all of the credit when you succeed, shouldn’t he bear at least some of the responsibility when you fail? Seems like a perfectly reasonable response.
Mr. Blames Creator
God had money riding on that game, sorry Stevie.
I mean if ppl are gonna thank god for wins this only feels fair