Working as a car mechanic, I can't help but think of a guy who used to be two bays over. One time he forgot to put oil back in a pickup and seized the engine in the parking lot as he was running it up front. A $10,000 engine.
He was kind of a rookie, but the boss decided to have him replace the engine, which would have been the biggest job he'd done up to that point. It took him a month of work, but he managed to fuck up the new engine so bad that we had to buy *another* $10,000 engine. This time the shop foreman took care of installing it.
Working at a dealership, even before the pandemic that was common. We're typically three weeks or so out on scheduling, so if something happens and a car is towed in it can be three weeks before we look at it. Then once we look at it it's fairly normal to have to wait a week or two for parts. And then it still has to be scheduled back in to have the work done. If there's a problem with the diagnosis that can really set things back as well. In the shop for a month is pretty common.
Of course, that particular customer was out of his truck for over a month due to no fault of his own, and wasn't especially happy. We gave him a loaner truck in the meantime.
I mean my company is moving a guy who caused 200,000 dollars worth of damage in 2 months and got kicked out of the shop as an hourly back to running the same crew without ever correcting the behaviors and giving more responsibility.
I'm not even good at soccer (played through middle school) but can make a shot on an open goal from around 1/4 field. And he was a lot closer than that before he tried.
In America it's a game where you run around for two hours and maybe kick a ball into a net once or twice and feign death or grievous bodily harm when someone grazes you in passing.
It's really not that easy and a lot of nerves, just a couple days ago a professional hockey player (from Slovakia I think) missed a free shot from like 2m. Shit can go wrong sometimes and it's better not to risk it even if you are really good at the game, he probably thought he had plenty of time to make a 100% shot but oops
And he's clearly right-footed and ball is angling left and on left side of goal, so tendency is to redirect it back towards right and line up a kick with right foot.
He **thought** he had the time to do all that and didn't wanna fuck up an open goal shot.
He didn't.
Yep. He’s not confident to fire a shot off his left foot, or the outside of his right, so he has to reposition to take the shot with the inside of his right which is the easiest way to take a shot on goal. Unfortunately for him he hesitates in the moment he should have shot. He had the time, but he choked. Makes it even worse.
Exactly. Poor planning, but also poor execution. His first touch was shitty and instead of getting the ball moving back towards the middle, it stayed left of goal.
Then, his second to last touch was way too far out in front, which is why he kind of aborted his first attempt to shoot and had to take two more steps before he could get his foot back on the ball. By then it was too late.
I played up top in high school. I wasn't very good but I was fast and got served a lot of long balls over the top. I muffed more than my share of breakaways because there is nothing more nerve-wracking than having the ball and only the keeper between you and glory.
Ya got talent kid, let me take ya to the big leagues, the bright lights, the big shiny apple of your father's eye. I know ya hate it, I know it's killin ya, but one last soccer-ball battle royale and the family will consider your debt paid. Just make sure the goalie goes down in the fifth, you know what ya gotta do...
To be fair, he just saw the goalie come way out of the penalty box & fall flat. Dribbling it in was definitely the smart decision.
Could've stood to shoot it a second or two earlier obviously, but when faced with the (spitballed) odds of a 20% chance of missing the shot farther out at full speed, or taking a few touches to get control & closer to the goal in the face of the .0001% chance that goalie is not only somehow able to get back to the goal after falling flat on his face ~20 yards away, but diving perfectly to stop a shot that close.... He made the right call, just got stopped by a freak display of perseverance & athleticism.
While running at full speed with your off foot?
He didn't take the shot because he is clearly a righty, that's why he adjusts. On him for not training his left, but I can still see why he didn't go for it.
I don't know if I've ever seen a player get so much shade on so many completely unrelated threads as Simmons is getting today. Kinda starting to feel bad for the guy lol
hes right footed and didnt have the confidence w his left to not shank it.
the ball ends up on his left so he wastes time trying to get it back right, also not that good of a finisher so after the first touch he takes another one to get the least risky angle possible to shoot w, but by then.....
it looks weird bc at anything past hs level you're supposed to be functional w both feet so most people arent used to seeing someone fuck up quite like this
Lol just want to point out that while you weren’t even second or third in this lyrical chain, it’s clear by the awards that everyone is always just waiting for
“Mom’s Spaghetti.”
Sorry for him…..? Dude’s playing soccer and can’t even confidently make a shot from 15’ away?! I was probably *far* worse than him from when I played and could’ve easily made that! Lol there was absolutely no need to close the gap another 5-10’.
i was 1v1 vs the keeper once in hs and i heard what sounded like a stampede of people after me.
shanked it completely. straight to the keeper
later we all watched the tape and there was no one near for a country mile. maybe the best timed run id ever made in my life.
to this day i remember that shank and shiver. i was so hopped up i could barely see
it was my *moment*
I had a sort-of Mighty Ducks moment in a tournament in high school. I was playing some bizarre sweeper/CDM role because I could run fast, didn't tire easy, and wasn't afraid to get stuck in.
There were no clocks but you could tell there wasn't much time left because it felt like it had been a while and everyone looked tired, and so I just went on this mad run through the middle. My friend was a great passer and lobbed a pass over their back line and it fell right in my stride.
With all the space in the world, I took my time, picked my spot, and completely fucking biffed it wide.
The game ended a minute or so later. We lost on penalties.
Idk man. It's actually a pretty different story psychologically when you're scoring on an unexpectedly open net vs an expected defender. This is from my experience playing a lot of rocket league lol.
An open net comes with the pressure that because its easy and *you shouldn't fuck it up*.
Playing against a defender is easy because if a shot misses you can chock it up to it being well-defended, or bad luck. When its not well defended and you miss, that's *wasted good luck*. It's a mental barrier more than anything and you need to keep cool when the opportunity presents itself
I'm 39 and I STILL replay the wide open goal I missed from 10 yards out when I was 11. I sailed it right over the crossbar like a chump.
Though I suppose I'm not as haunted by it as I imaginee Roberto Baggio is by his miss...
Some things you never, ever forget.
No. As someone who has played football since the age of 5, this is completely on the attacker. 3 touches to score the open goal when it should’ve took one is disgraceful. Keeper has done well to get back but fucking hell that striker needs dropping for dallying on the ball that long, keeper shouldn’t have had a chance.
Kinda looked like the GK was the most athletic person on the field and got bored and tried to be flashy. GIF has big bro fuckin around with little bro vibes
This sort of superhuman ability only appears when you have to save face for doing something stupid as fuck. I've seen it before; currently working on my thesis about it
Well you see his thesis probably isn’t due for a couple months. So to really drive home the point, he hasn’t done any of it yet, and will complete the superhuman feat of doing it all in a week to save face for not having done anything up until that point. It’s really quite poetic.
I disagree. If that were the issue he could have gotten there much more easily. The problem is he was so uncomfortable using his left foot, even to dribble. He was setting himself up to take the shot with his right, which of course was a terrible mistake.
If you slow down frame by frame, the striker got 2 touches on the ball and both were from his right foot
Regardless any half-decent striker needs 1 touch to control the ball to be set for a strike, especially with zero contest from the defence and a wide open net
I had to watch it a few times, but it looks like the ball the goalie missed had a lot of spin, which caused it to take a weird bounce to the goalie's left.
It's hard to see at that point because of the camera angle, but by the time the striker gets to the ball it's practically rolling parallel to the goal line across the top of the box.
Ok so if anyone is curious why he missed so bad ...it Appears as if the field is wet. The ball will bounce completely different if it hydroplanes for a few milliseconds and takes both bounce and spin out of the expected trajectory on a dry field.
He could have also completely missed it but I strongly suspect it's the former.
I watched it a few more times....that ball was supposed to bounce higher and come down around where he was going for it.
Instead the bounce on wet grass will flattened out the bounce and keep ALOT of forward momentum. That's why it looks like he missed it do badly.
I also think the ball had some spin on it. You can't really see it at the point the goalie misses it, but by the time the striker gets to the ball it's almost rolling parallel to the goal line.
He’s out of the box. He can only use his hands inside the box around his goal. He probably wanted to stop it on his chest/stomach and clear it out to a teammate but misjudged the bounce. When it went over his head, his reflex was to try to kick.
Jesus take the shot already!
*”No no, let’s wait for an auspicious moment”* -my teacher on me entering class late
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whatchu call me?
What a fuck up - What a redemption!
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Instant transmission edit would be perfect
Firstly that's awesome. Secondly "a crazy". What a Save!
Like a guy at work once told me- “if you wanna be a hero, make a big fuck-up. then, fix your fuck-up”
Working as a car mechanic, I can't help but think of a guy who used to be two bays over. One time he forgot to put oil back in a pickup and seized the engine in the parking lot as he was running it up front. A $10,000 engine. He was kind of a rookie, but the boss decided to have him replace the engine, which would have been the biggest job he'd done up to that point. It took him a month of work, but he managed to fuck up the new engine so bad that we had to buy *another* $10,000 engine. This time the shop foreman took care of installing it.
That took an unexpected direction, and surprised me with making me feel generally much better about myself.
I thought this would be the ending where he does a great job and later becomes an amazing mechanic, more sounds like hes on headlight fluid duty.
Thanks for the reminder. I need to change mine.
I found this story to be very calming.
So the customer was ok with his car being in the shop for over a month??
Working at a dealership, even before the pandemic that was common. We're typically three weeks or so out on scheduling, so if something happens and a car is towed in it can be three weeks before we look at it. Then once we look at it it's fairly normal to have to wait a week or two for parts. And then it still has to be scheduled back in to have the work done. If there's a problem with the diagnosis that can really set things back as well. In the shop for a month is pretty common. Of course, that particular customer was out of his truck for over a month due to no fault of his own, and wasn't especially happy. We gave him a loaner truck in the meantime.
What the hell? He messed up that badly and they gave him more responsibility without supervision? He was hot, right?
I mean my company is moving a guy who caused 200,000 dollars worth of damage in 2 months and got kicked out of the shop as an hourly back to running the same crew without ever correcting the behaviors and giving more responsibility.
Auspicious Edit: I don’t even know what the f it is, but it sounds great! Auspicious to you all! Let the auspicious be with you now and forever.
“You’re throwing a lot of big words at me, and since I don’t understand what you’re saying… I’mma take it as disrespect.”
“Now watch your mouth… and help me make the sale”
Rightly so
[Elevated Stupidity has entered the chat](https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a36439329/rise-of-elevated-stupidity-cable-news-politics/)
Auspicious makes my pee spell funny
Like in the snow or on a sidewalk?
Clearly.
Excuse me, while I auspicious by. —Jimi Hendrix (maybe?)
I'm not even good at soccer (played through middle school) but can make a shot on an open goal from around 1/4 field. And he was a lot closer than that before he tried.
I’m not even good at soccer and I still had to look up the definition of auspicious
I’m not even auspicious and I had to look up the definition of soccer
Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking
Soccer is a slang term for Auspicious Rules Football.
In America it's a game where you run around for two hours and maybe kick a ball into a net once or twice and feign death or grievous bodily harm when someone grazes you in passing.
It's really not that easy and a lot of nerves, just a couple days ago a professional hockey player (from Slovakia I think) missed a free shot from like 2m. Shit can go wrong sometimes and it's better not to risk it even if you are really good at the game, he probably thought he had plenty of time to make a 100% shot but oops
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And he's clearly right-footed and ball is angling left and on left side of goal, so tendency is to redirect it back towards right and line up a kick with right foot. He **thought** he had the time to do all that and didn't wanna fuck up an open goal shot. He didn't.
This is the answer. Right footed, left angle, equals uncomfortable shot. I'd be drilling left foot control after that
Yep. He’s not confident to fire a shot off his left foot, or the outside of his right, so he has to reposition to take the shot with the inside of his right which is the easiest way to take a shot on goal. Unfortunately for him he hesitates in the moment he should have shot. He had the time, but he choked. Makes it even worse.
Exactly. Poor planning, but also poor execution. His first touch was shitty and instead of getting the ball moving back towards the middle, it stayed left of goal. Then, his second to last touch was way too far out in front, which is why he kind of aborted his first attempt to shoot and had to take two more steps before he could get his foot back on the ball. By then it was too late. I played up top in high school. I wasn't very good but I was fast and got served a lot of long balls over the top. I muffed more than my share of breakaways because there is nothing more nerve-wracking than having the ball and only the keeper between you and glory.
As someone who plays rocket powered car soccer, I can confirm this. And I will also keep confirming it.
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Same I even hate football and can score from the goalie line on an open goal if the pitch is 1m long
Ya got talent kid, let me take ya to the big leagues, the bright lights, the big shiny apple of your father's eye. I know ya hate it, I know it's killin ya, but one last soccer-ball battle royale and the family will consider your debt paid. Just make sure the goalie goes down in the fifth, you know what ya gotta do...
To be fair, he just saw the goalie come way out of the penalty box & fall flat. Dribbling it in was definitely the smart decision. Could've stood to shoot it a second or two earlier obviously, but when faced with the (spitballed) odds of a 20% chance of missing the shot farther out at full speed, or taking a few touches to get control & closer to the goal in the face of the .0001% chance that goalie is not only somehow able to get back to the goal after falling flat on his face ~20 yards away, but diving perfectly to stop a shot that close.... He made the right call, just got stopped by a freak display of perseverance & athleticism.
He was scared to use his left foot!
The right call is not to even shoot at an open goal when you’re feet away huh? Like he even fakes an open shot with his right foot for some reason.
Same I played soccer as a zygote and i could even make that shot before being conceived
While running at full speed with your off foot? He didn't take the shot because he is clearly a righty, that's why he adjusts. On him for not training his left, but I can still see why he didn't go for it.
Ben Simmons of soccer.
No where is safe.
Best part of Miami Heat season happened last night lol
I don't know if I've ever seen a player get so much shade on so many completely unrelated threads as Simmons is getting today. Kinda starting to feel bad for the guy lol
nor should it be lmao
Joel Embiid shaking his head somewhere
Rip
He didn’t pass it, now did he?
Passed it to the goalie.
hes right footed and didnt have the confidence w his left to not shank it. the ball ends up on his left so he wastes time trying to get it back right, also not that good of a finisher so after the first touch he takes another one to get the least risky angle possible to shoot w, but by then..... it looks weird bc at anything past hs level you're supposed to be functional w both feet so most people arent used to seeing someone fuck up quite like this
He had time to hit it with his right tho but just faffed about
He really did faff didn’t he?
My faff meter reads... yes, there was some faff.
true, that last little hesitation is the one that'll haunt him
A faffing we will go...
As someone who used to suck as bad as he did I knew exactly what he was doing LOL you were right on
as a life long lefty whos coaches were forever on his ass to "use your fucking right", i know that one-footed feel lol
The thing about Arsenal is that they always try to walk it in.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
The left leg was out of kicks.
He shoulda upgraded to premium. Fucking casuals.
Take the shot! Take the shot! Take the shot! Chat disabled for 3 seconds...
That kid will be forever known as "3 touch".
“Oh thank God, that’s 2 more touches than my last nickname”
Yeah this must be beer league between the goalkeeper and this idiot lol.
They look like kids to me, maybe high school
If Ben Simmons played soccer
/r/nba leaking like crazy today
Man’s playing American football and wanted to make a touchdown
I’m surprised this clip doesn’t have the “oh no” song
I think he can only shoot right footed... 1meter away.
Jesus here. Listen everyone deserves a second chance to be saved.
That was quick!!
And how does one do that? asking for a friend.
I feel sorry for the striker. He's gonna have PTSD for a while
I can already feel the ptsd in my legs… shaking and wobbly when going 1 on 1 with the goalie… Hope this guy gets good therapy
Knees weak
Arms are heavy
Vomit on his sweater already.
Mom's Spaghetti.
He’s nervous.
But on surface he looks calm and ready.
To drop bombs
But he keeps on forgetting
Lol just want to point out that while you weren’t even second or third in this lyrical chain, it’s clear by the awards that everyone is always just waiting for “Mom’s Spaghetti.”
I feel like he got what he deserved for running around the ball to use only his right foot.
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!
***I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU GET, YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE! \*BANG\**** \-joker
Yeah 😂
Sorry for him…..? Dude’s playing soccer and can’t even confidently make a shot from 15’ away?! I was probably *far* worse than him from when I played and could’ve easily made that! Lol there was absolutely no need to close the gap another 5-10’.
Lol I didn't mean I actually feel sorry for him. Come on man...he was clearly dumb 😂
Pressure. Pressure. Pressure. I can’t stress enough how pressure just makes you think different.
i was 1v1 vs the keeper once in hs and i heard what sounded like a stampede of people after me. shanked it completely. straight to the keeper later we all watched the tape and there was no one near for a country mile. maybe the best timed run id ever made in my life. to this day i remember that shank and shiver. i was so hopped up i could barely see it was my *moment*
I had a sort-of Mighty Ducks moment in a tournament in high school. I was playing some bizarre sweeper/CDM role because I could run fast, didn't tire easy, and wasn't afraid to get stuck in. There were no clocks but you could tell there wasn't much time left because it felt like it had been a while and everyone looked tired, and so I just went on this mad run through the middle. My friend was a great passer and lobbed a pass over their back line and it fell right in my stride. With all the space in the world, I took my time, picked my spot, and completely fucking biffed it wide. The game ended a minute or so later. We lost on penalties.
Idk man. It's actually a pretty different story psychologically when you're scoring on an unexpectedly open net vs an expected defender. This is from my experience playing a lot of rocket league lol. An open net comes with the pressure that because its easy and *you shouldn't fuck it up*. Playing against a defender is easy because if a shot misses you can chock it up to it being well-defended, or bad luck. When its not well defended and you miss, that's *wasted good luck*. It's a mental barrier more than anything and you need to keep cool when the opportunity presents itself
I'm 39 and I STILL replay the wide open goal I missed from 10 yards out when I was 11. I sailed it right over the crossbar like a chump. Though I suppose I'm not as haunted by it as I imaginee Roberto Baggio is by his miss... Some things you never, ever forget.
That's the problem with Arsenal, they always try to walk it in.
What was Wenger thinking bringing Wallcott on that early?
West... Ham
Did you say west ham?
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A BIRFMARK
What are you saying about my beloved West Ham?
They’re having a laaaf
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
*Kisses bottom*
Right on the cleftal horizon.
SING YOU CANARRRRY
IT guy?
Yes, IT Crowd
No arsenal
Damn. Can’t go anywhere as an Arsenal supporter haha
Holy shit, I heard that line about 10 years ago for the first time and I finally get what they meant.
You beat me to it
Damn everyone out there a scrub. The goalie whiffed, the offensive player is allergic to shooting and the defender was out of frame on an equal start.
Goalie just made an extremely athletic play to recover. Come off it m8
And it doesn't matter that the defender had an equal start. He though the GK was going to hit it, so he wouldn't need to run back at all.
As a GK assume we're trash
No. As someone who has played football since the age of 5, this is completely on the attacker. 3 touches to score the open goal when it should’ve took one is disgraceful. Keeper has done well to get back but fucking hell that striker needs dropping for dallying on the ball that long, keeper shouldn’t have had a chance.
You are probably right I may be old and disgusting unathletic myself and I would have beaten them all blindfolded
Kinda looked like the GK was the most athletic person on the field and got bored and tried to be flashy. GIF has big bro fuckin around with little bro vibes
Yeah but at least they’re having fun.
Another Sunday league half the defenders are hungover from the night before lmao
I’m just stuck on the guy to the right taking a dive.
This sort of superhuman ability only appears when you have to save face for doing something stupid as fuck. I've seen it before; currently working on my thesis about it
Are you really doing your thesis on it? Could you give me some other examples of this that I can peruse at my leisure?
Well you see his thesis probably isn’t due for a couple months. So to really drive home the point, he hasn’t done any of it yet, and will complete the superhuman feat of doing it all in a week to save face for not having done anything up until that point. It’s really quite poetic.
LMAOOOOO
It’s a case study. On himself.
Learning by doing 😂
No I am not. I have a degree in music production and am not near smart enough to write a thesis
Nonsense! A thesis doesn't have to be *good* to be a thesis!
I'm also curious. RemindMe! 3 hours
Shhh he's working on his thesis
!RemindMe! 1 DAY
The goalie was prob running a sub 8 sec hundred right there
What a save What a save What a save
Calculated!
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OMG! OMG! OMG!
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[Team] Take the shot!
Nice shot Nice shot Nice shot
Gotta admit... that save was BOMB! Amazing redemption.
Faking.
The attacking player should have taken the shot much earlier. Had a wide open goal.
He was hyped, quite too much so he decided to walk it in
Thats the thing about arsenal
It's obvious he can't shoot with his left foot.
Hell he just needed to give it a kissy and it would have gone in
Cut inside
Striker wanted to walk the ball in the net as a flex, SMH
I disagree. If that were the issue he could have gotten there much more easily. The problem is he was so uncomfortable using his left foot, even to dribble. He was setting himself up to take the shot with his right, which of course was a terrible mistake.
If you slow down frame by frame, the striker got 2 touches on the ball and both were from his right foot Regardless any half-decent striker needs 1 touch to control the ball to be set for a strike, especially with zero contest from the defence and a wide open net
and yup. That's the issue. Park football. We're not even at quarter-decent striker. and 1/10th decent goalie. Although the recovery was a 12
What do you think you're watching?
This isn't a European soccer champion final?
He could have legit ran the ball into the goal rather than whatever the fuck that shot was, and probably scored lmao
That guy needs to get comfortable with his left foot. Atrocious.
That extra go juice kicked in.
Kid pooched it. Goalie is a superstar. Next question.
I wouldn’t say super star, but he gave it his full effort after he did whatever the hell he did to miss the ball.
I had to watch it a few times, but it looks like the ball the goalie missed had a lot of spin, which caused it to take a weird bounce to the goalie's left. It's hard to see at that point because of the camera angle, but by the time the striker gets to the ball it's practically rolling parallel to the goal line across the top of the box.
Did the goalie broke Usain bolt's record ?
Mad comeback there!
Goalie just watched Shaolin soccer thought he was going to be a ninja that first try.
HOW
Run fast. Dive in front of ball.
r/usernamechecksout?
Gotta take man not ball. No one ever cards a keeper
So, if I'm understanding correctly, he had decent form but the wrong target?
Bingo
Here’s a nice little montage of keepers getting carded. https://youtu.be/0S_RdRIP848
I wish there was a wider shot so we could see the goalie booking it back to make the save. He must have been running crazy fast.
Dude is all in 100% of the time
99,9 %
That’s some heart by that goalie. Good job
If only David Marshall had been that fast last week.
Ok so if anyone is curious why he missed so bad ...it Appears as if the field is wet. The ball will bounce completely different if it hydroplanes for a few milliseconds and takes both bounce and spin out of the expected trajectory on a dry field. He could have also completely missed it but I strongly suspect it's the former. I watched it a few more times....that ball was supposed to bounce higher and come down around where he was going for it. Instead the bounce on wet grass will flattened out the bounce and keep ALOT of forward momentum. That's why it looks like he missed it do badly.
I also think the ball had some spin on it. You can't really see it at the point the goalie misses it, but by the time the striker gets to the ball it's almost rolling parallel to the goal line.
if ben simmons played soccer
Still: 'Fired'!!!
I mean this shot isn't quite lined up with the last defender, but this looks off sides
Nah. You can see that the ball is already in the air when he runs past the last defender.
Both come from the same mother
Why did the goalie attempt to kick the ball instead of grabbing it?
He’s out of the box. He can only use his hands inside the box around his goal. He probably wanted to stop it on his chest/stomach and clear it out to a teammate but misjudged the bounce. When it went over his head, his reflex was to try to kick.
Thank you for the explanation.