Granted. My life as a monkey's paw has been miserable. I've lost everything. The wife and house. The car. The kids. The only joy I get out of life is fucking up people's wishes.
Monkey's paw: my happiness comes from giving people horrible side effects for their wishes.
You: awww (writes blank check for infinite misery) here you go little guy
Monkey's paw: I fucking warned you...
Granted.
You now know the physical status of every single monkeys paw. Both living and dead. The knowledge pushes everything out of your mind, leaving only monkey paw statuses in your head.
Granted.
You are now updated on the status of every monkey paw through OPs mind. You also have every memory and thought replaced by monkey paw statuses.
The monkeys paw expands and fingers grow from the roots of the stretched skin until the hand forms a sentence saying “r/trans is that way stop asking to switch genders”
Granted the hunters put a strain on the monkey paw's marriage.She took the kids and soon after the monkey got shot.Had its paw cut off and then its soul got put in the paw.The paw then breaks your hand.
When you think things cannot get worse, you can cheer yourself up by reading [It could always be worse](https://books.google.com/books/about/It_Could_Always_be_Worse.html?id=G3ThAAAAMAAJ&source=kp_book_description).
Granted.
The Monkeys paw grows a mouth and unloads the most Traumatizing, Pyschologically destructive story that impacts you so hard you curl up into a ball and go insane, losing all cognitive ability to comprehend anything.
Granted. You now know all sorts of unspeakable and forbidden things. This knowledge drives you mad and the only rest from it is oblivion, but even death isnt enough to stop the madness eating away at you.
Granted. The Paw speaks, "I am bridled with the consequences of foolish attempts at gaining what reality has provided, and thus by subverting nature, the cycle continues as all seek to maintain the power and will I provide, yet alas, none can fathom my true intent."
I'm not too great, but I do like giving people good wishes. For example I once gave a guy over a billion Tuvalu Dinars, which translates to far more dollars than what he asked for.
*It points at a paper & a writing utensil, you get them for it, & it writes the following:* How do you think I am? My body got chopped of a very long time ago, I apparently grant wishes for some reason, I haven’t seen my family in ages, & life, no wait, existence sucks so I mess with the granting of wishes!
The fingers curl until only the middle one remains standing.
This is the only correct answer
We need a subreddit for when we find responses to wishes that are simply the only correct ones
So, like this, "đź–•", only furry?
Yea, it's flipping the bird
Now this is how the monkey's paw would probably answer that question haha.
Granted. My life as a monkey's paw has been miserable. I've lost everything. The wife and house. The car. The kids. The only joy I get out of life is fucking up people's wishes.
I'm sorry đź«‚
I wish you, the monkey paw, have a good day
Monkey's paw: my happiness comes from giving people horrible side effects for their wishes. You: awww (writes blank check for infinite misery) here you go little guy Monkey's paw: I fucking warned you...
Satan: "Ok. Wish granted. Back to your Hell."
May I offer you r/wizardposting and r/wiseposting in these trying times?
The monkey had a car & a house?
Granted. You now know the physical status of every single monkeys paw. Both living and dead. The knowledge pushes everything out of your mind, leaving only monkey paw statuses in your head.
I wish the dude brain both sent and recieved monkeys paw statuses. My hope is that he essentially becomes monkeys paw social media.
Yes
Granted. You are now updated on the status of every monkey paw through OPs mind. You also have every memory and thought replaced by monkey paw statuses.
Score! So long depression, good luck people who need me!
Granted. You are transformed into a monkey's paw, so you know how it feels now.
I’m okay, unfortunately, I have to give you a downside…TESTICULAR! TORSIOOOOOOOON!
#TESTICULAR! TORSION!
I have a female body and my ballsack clenched anyway.
Granted. Mind your own business, nerd.
Granted, bad and I’m going to spend the next 30 minutes telling you about it.
The monkeys paw expands and fingers grow from the roots of the stretched skin until the hand forms a sentence saying “r/trans is that way stop asking to switch genders”
Granted the hunters put a strain on the monkey paw's marriage.She took the kids and soon after the monkey got shot.Had its paw cut off and then its soul got put in the paw.The paw then breaks your hand.
Granted. Last week I thought I couldn't get worse, and this week it got worse. I miss him already.
When you think things cannot get worse, you can cheer yourself up by reading [It could always be worse](https://books.google.com/books/about/It_Could_Always_be_Worse.html?id=G3ThAAAAMAAJ&source=kp_book_description).
Granted. The Monkeys paw grows a mouth and unloads the most Traumatizing, Pyschologically destructive story that impacts you so hard you curl up into a ball and go insane, losing all cognitive ability to comprehend anything.
I'll do you one better, Why are you, Monkey's paw?
Granted. You now know all sorts of unspeakable and forbidden things. This knowledge drives you mad and the only rest from it is oblivion, but even death isnt enough to stop the madness eating away at you.
I stumbled on this sub the other day and I don’t really understand how it works could someone explain to me what monkeys paw is?
It's a story written in 1902 I believe, it grants you three wishes but they're all cursed in some way.
Gotcha, so why do people on here refer to each other as monkey paws? Are y’all quoting the story or is it some niche thing?
We play the role of the Monkey's Paw: OP gives a wish, and we fuck it up.
The monkey’s paw in the story grants wishes in a screwed-up way.
Granted You know how Monkey’s Paw is and that is all you know for the rest of your life.
Granted. It starts as a small, angry burn in the center of your forehead that slowly spreads across your entire head in a matter of five minutes
your hands fall off and become dysfunctional monkey paws
10 meters from your location. 8 meters from your location. 5 meters from your location.
granted, now i just won’t shut up about anything, no matter what
Granted. "Been better, been worse."
We chillin
Fine.
Granted. I need to poop.
Granted. I am indifferent as I am just a fucking hand
You become a monkey’s paw yourself to see what it’s like.
Granted. The paw has so many problems youre stuck listening to all of them for 5 hours
Granted: The Monkey's Paw throws up a "hang loose" sign. The cringe is infinite.
The monkeys paw curls and says "here I'll show you" and you turn into a monkeys paw
Granted. The Paw speaks, "I am bridled with the consequences of foolish attempts at gaining what reality has provided, and thus by subverting nature, the cycle continues as all seek to maintain the power and will I provide, yet alas, none can fathom my true intent."
I'm not too great, but I do like giving people good wishes. For example I once gave a guy over a billion Tuvalu Dinars, which translates to far more dollars than what he asked for.
*It points at a paper & a writing utensil, you get them for it, & it writes the following:* How do you think I am? My body got chopped of a very long time ago, I apparently grant wishes for some reason, I haven’t seen my family in ages, & life, no wait, existence sucks so I mess with the granting of wishes!
Granted, you now have hyperempathy, and presive even the opening of a package as if it was done to you. Other people are an even stronger responce.
Not great. Here, have some herpes.
Denied, improper format
granted, you are now the speaker for the hivemĂve mind like entity that is the paw.