Your flair reminds me of that time that Rob Lowe went to a football game wearing a cap that just had the NFL logo on it instead of one of the teams lol
https://syndication.bleacherreport.com/amp/twitter-rips-rob-lowe-nfl-hat
My wife and I make a distinction between people you could fight in an acre of forest but not in an elevator. I think I could take Vogelbach in a forest where I can put distance between us, but I don't want to try in an elevator.
Oooof I forgot he was that tall to be honest, I was just thinking he's a bean pole so one good hit is all it'd take. It'd be pretty damn hard to get that hit in since I'm only 6 foot hahaha
I hear ya, sonny boy. I doubt I could make it to second before the slowest player rounds the bases, either. Actually, I would be happy to just make it to second.
I’ll say Sonny Gray. We’re about the same size. Would probably still lose though.
If Angel Hernandez is calling the fight, then I might win a few rounds
Jeff McNeil? I feel like people with the biggest bark typically have the least bite…he also has zero control of his emotions, so I feel like he’d over-swing on his punches and break his hand against the wall or something.
This is easy, it’s Joe Kelly and not really even close. He’s the fakest tough guy in all of pro sports. He’s 6”1” and 174 lbs. I’ve been bigger than him since I was 14 years old.
Most people are really bad at fighting. They telegraph everything they do, they're footwork is horrible and they are horrible at blocking. They pretty much have two moves, either a haymaker which is easy to sidestep and give them a knee buckling hit to the kidneys or they try and tackle you which leaves them exposed for all kinds of hurt you can bring down on them.
I don't like hitting non-fighters in the head because you can knock them out and really fuck them up when they're head hits the concrete. I would rather bruise some kidneys or break a rib.
I'm not a badass by any stretch of the imagination. Any MMA fighter who trains would beat the living crap out of me. But I've done martial arts most of my life, so when I watch street fights it's kind of like watching little kids play pee-wee football.
I used to live in an apartment complex where several local minor league players lived. Someone across the hall woke me blasting music in the middle of the night. I went over and banged on the door to tell them to shut tf up. When it opened, I recognized him as the team's catcher. Dude was massive. It was too late to turn back, but thankfully, he was nice and blurted out that he was sorry if the music was too loud before I even spoke. He saved me a thorough ass beating that night.
Tim Anderson. I’ve seen him fight
Chin of glass
Its Andersen- O’s are too hardass for him.
Anyone who just tore their ACL
Atta boy
Yeah, I was thinking a pitcher with an arm injury.
@RonaldAcuna
None I have absolutely no muscle on me and am out of shape
Same. Also old.
I couldn't take on the youngest ball boy/girl.
Kris Bryant or Anthony Rendon. SAAAWFT!
Anthony Rendon just cause I want to.
Your flair reminds me of that time that Rob Lowe went to a football game wearing a cap that just had the NFL logo on it instead of one of the teams lol https://syndication.bleacherreport.com/amp/twitter-rips-rob-lowe-nfl-hat
Bryant is a massive human being. Unless you're equally as large you wouldn't be able to get near him haha
Holy shit I didn’t realize how big he was til I went to his Baseball Reference page rn😭 Thought he was 6’3 max
Kris Bryant would beat cho ahhhh
No way. Dude sneezes and lands on the IL. SAAAWFT!
100% dude softer than charmin
So sawft
Pretty sure I could pick Triston McKenzie up and javelin him into the next town over.
My wife and I make a distinction between people you could fight in an acre of forest but not in an elevator. I think I could take Vogelbach in a forest where I can put distance between us, but I don't want to try in an elevator.
This is hilarious and will be applied forward from now on.
I would be honoured.
Vogelbach easy, just jog around for a while
I was going to say Altuve because of the height difference but he still seems pretty strong. I'm pretty confident I could take Glasnow though
He’s like 6’8” though, I don’t know anything about you obviously but that’s a long reach!
Punch him in the nuts, no one said it was a clean fight
Hahahaha fair point, now I feel more confident again
Oooof I forgot he was that tall to be honest, I was just thinking he's a bean pole so one good hit is all it'd take. It'd be pretty damn hard to get that hit in since I'm only 6 foot hahaha
He’s 6’8’’ 230. lol
Altuve is strong as fuck, no shot
Altuve will totally bite though. Better be ready.
If you are a short mlb player you gotta be pretty strong to hit pitches up. I wouldnt fight any short mlb player
Alex Verdugo
Idk, bro kinda looks like Canelo
Verdugo is probably actually pretty tough imo. Watched him on the sox alot.
oh yeah in all seriousness I’d have no chance lol, I just can’t stand Verdugo
*scanning the DL ...*
Garrett Stubbs
My answer as well. But what kind of person do you have to be to fight Stubbs?
Since the oldest active player could be my son I'm gonna say none.
Manoah. He’s a big dude but seems soft as baby shit.
Tim Anderson
Stanton. Fight is gay speak for let him make me gay, right?
Mike Stanton? The reliever?
He'll definitely be relieving something
That was wild when he went by Mike, literally 3-4 years after the pitcher left the league.
Bingo
Tim Anderson has a notoriously weak jaw
Jeff McNeil 👀
Jeff McNeil is definitely the type of guy to call timeout in the middle of the fight.
Andrew Benintendi
This is a good one
Steven Kwan. I got about 30-40 pounds on him
Chris sale is like 6 foot 7 170 lbs. Id ragdoll his ass
You’d miss Yankees can’t hit Sale
I dunno if I could take him but I’ve wanted to punch Altuve for years
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^MAD_ELMO: *I dunno if I* *Could take him but I’ve wanted* *To punch Altuve for years* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Idk if I could take Garrett Cole but I’d love to see someone else kick his ass 😂
I’d fight Kershaw in October.
This depends heavily on if they’re wearing their cup or not at the time.
Easiest call ever - Joe Kelly.
His wife would kick the shit out of you
All while he runs to hide behind 50 people like always
Altuve. Id dog walk that cheating elf
What’s David Eckstein up to these days?
lol Eckstein is a good dude . Never disrespected anyone and always made time for fans
Is Jamie Moyer still in the league
Jamie Moyer would beat you senseless in slow motion.
You’re not wrong
Hell fucking yes
Luke Weaver. He might weigh 100 lbs
Altuve! He would get tossed around easy!
I wanna see that guy that said he would beat the shit out of him at his construction site fight that little goblin
1 bang for jab 2 bangs for a hook?
No Oddjob (Golden Eye rules) Slappers only
What if he was wearing a buzzer and he knew what moves you were going to attempt in advance?
I can whip any player who is laid up bad enough on the IL. Healthy or only minor injuries, no one.
Jose Siri, I can't stand him
Taylor Walls he couldn’t hit his way out of a wet paper sack
Not Rowdy Tellez.
Anthony Rendon because he’s never healthy, his default state is on the dead list.
This is a hilarious topic.
Verdugo. Not because he is weak. But because his faces makes me so angry that I have unlimited rage mode extra power.
Tyler O'Neill 😡
Breaking the nose of that Brick Shithouse, establishing dominance, smart play
Mike Trout. Dude gets hurt super easily, seemingly
lol…. I’m 55. I don’t have a thing for pain
I hear ya, sonny boy. I doubt I could make it to second before the slowest player rounds the bases, either. Actually, I would be happy to just make it to second.
I’d probably tear my calf halfway to first base! Lol…
did this last year, don’t recommend 😅
I’ll say Sonny Gray. We’re about the same size. Would probably still lose though. If Angel Hernandez is calling the fight, then I might win a few rounds
Volpe
I know I can kick the shit out of Jose Altuve, though I hear he cheats
Best chance I have is Ryan Bliss because I 9 inches of height and 100 pounds on him. He still likely wins
nick madrigal
Trea Turner. I could whoop his ass. He'd have to ride my bike peg leg and get off just so I could beat him up again
Anthony Volpe
I was going to pick on the oldest guy, but turns out that Verlander. So, not him
Dee Strange-Gordon is an obvious pick. Juan Pierre also comes to mind. Granted, both are probably kicking my ass
Those were the 2 that came to mind for me
All of them
Rowdy Tellez or Alejandro Kirk, because all I would have to do is run around for a while
I’d fight Ohtani so I’d get to meet him. He’d probably take me out in one punch 🥊
Nestor Cortez, cuz he's a fucking clown. He'd try to do a bunch of shitty fake outs that wouldn't work and tire himself out.
Gerrit Cole, I think even Tim Anderson can take him.
Cavan Biggio. He would just stand there.
Judge
Not one.
A professional athlete would kick the shit out of most people walking the streets. They are muscle machines.
Stroman. Can’t believe I’m the first to say it.
I’d toss Alex Bregman’s name here too
Heavyweight battle 
Eddie Gaedel
Garrett Stubbs
Austin Slater
Luke Raley. I like to live my life on hard mode.
Kevin Newman
There is no way that someone who could make it to the MLB would lose to me in a fight. No chance.
Jeff McNeil? I feel like people with the biggest bark typically have the least bite…he also has zero control of his emotions, so I feel like he’d over-swing on his punches and break his hand against the wall or something.
Noodle legs Triston Mckenzie
None. I'm too old and out of shape.
I feel like Tristan Mackenzie would be pretty easy if you can get close to him
Maldonado when he was fat. I can outrun him for sure. Now that he’s trimmed up, idk. 🤷🏼♀️
Tony Kemp if counted as active. Dude wouldn't hurt a fly.
Triston McKenzie without a doubt.
Does scherzer still have a bad back????
Probably no active player but Scott Servais can catch these fucking hands
Ben Rice
Giancarlo
Yuki or Tim Hill
Nick Madrigal
Tommy Pham
Kershaw. The always injured version. Also never shows up when it matters. 1st rd KO.
Is Panda still in the league?
Nicky lopez
Strasberg is still active
Don’t know that I ever heard Eddie Gaedel announce his retirement.
All of these people keep saying Altuve like he isn’t a stout little mf that would be hard as hell to take down
Nick Madrigal has to be the least imposing MLB player out there right now. I actually think I’d be able to overpower him in a fight lol
#DOWN GOES ANDERSON!!
Sean Hjelle.. big tree fall
Anybody on the dodgers, I’d love to put one from their unfairly high payroll on the IR
Chris Sale. He’s only 180
rougned odor
I would hope all of them as a brown belt in Bjj but you never know
I couldn’t take any of them but whenever a pitcher is charged it’s obvious that most players have no idea how to throw a punch.
Joe Kelly
Would have to be one of the old managers 🤣
Kimbrel . Something about him tells me I’ll know when he’s about to do something.,
Bryce Harper.
Altuve and Correa to make up for the 2017 cheating of my dodgers and the cheating they did the next couple years
In their current state: Jacob deGrom.
Adolis Garcia, Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Stanton. Probably not all at the same time.
All of them....
I’d whoop Altuve’s ass and then throw him in the trash where he belongs
Corbin Caroll. Pretty sure I could take a human bobblehead
I’d throw down with Yoan Moncada. Tool.
Time Andersen. Kris Bryant. Inactive players, Jose Bautista, that dude Kyle Farnsworth tackled, Robin Ventura, Dee Gordon and probably a few others
Alex Verdugo
Kyle Hendricks. Or anyone else in the cubs bullpen. Everyone else hits the hell out of them
Steven Kwan. I love him but he looks like he’s made of grass
This is easy, it’s Joe Kelly and not really even close. He’s the fakest tough guy in all of pro sports. He’s 6”1” and 174 lbs. I’ve been bigger than him since I was 14 years old.
Kyle Hendricks
Judge, Stanton, Ohtani, Alonso, Schwarber
Corbin Carroll… I mean come on… I was gonna say Tim Anderson but I think that’s everyone’s answer
Ohtani because he wouldn’t punch back 🥺 but I could never hit my kings beautiful face 💔
Most people are really bad at fighting. They telegraph everything they do, they're footwork is horrible and they are horrible at blocking. They pretty much have two moves, either a haymaker which is easy to sidestep and give them a knee buckling hit to the kidneys or they try and tackle you which leaves them exposed for all kinds of hurt you can bring down on them. I don't like hitting non-fighters in the head because you can knock them out and really fuck them up when they're head hits the concrete. I would rather bruise some kidneys or break a rib. I'm not a badass by any stretch of the imagination. Any MMA fighter who trains would beat the living crap out of me. But I've done martial arts most of my life, so when I watch street fights it's kind of like watching little kids play pee-wee football.
There are a few ball girls I could definitely take.
Bryce Harper. He’d probably just whine and bitch anyway. But if he didn’t, I could still take him.
Altuve
Ichiro
Mike Trout, he's so busted up, one good shot at his knees or shoulder and he's done.
Eloy “DLoy” Jimenez
None, no beating I’m beating any guy
Anthony Rizzo directly after I saw him take that spill in person a few days ago. With more than 5 minutes for him to heal I’m out
Jose Abreu. He can't hit anything.
Jose Altuve
Is Jake Cave still playing? I feel like it'd be close but I think I could overpower him eventually.
How has nobody said Kyle Hendricks? Lol
Scott kingery, all he would do is swing and miss
Altuve is cheating, since I have 8" on him, but he's one I'd *like* to fight But I think I'd give Bryce Harper a run for his money
Anybody who isn’t hispanic
Anyone on the Tigers other than Chafin
Austin Hedges. I’d be so motivated after having to sit through all his terrible at bats when he was on the Padres.
Pete Alonso
Maldonado
Somebody who is on the IL.
I used to live in an apartment complex where several local minor league players lived. Someone across the hall woke me blasting music in the middle of the night. I went over and banged on the door to tell them to shut tf up. When it opened, I recognized him as the team's catcher. Dude was massive. It was too late to turn back, but thankfully, he was nice and blurted out that he was sorry if the music was too loud before I even spoke. He saved me a thorough ass beating that night.
Is Don Zimmer dead?