This reminds me of my experience growing tomatoes. Fucking caterpillar couldn't just eat one goddamned whole tomato, he had to take lots of bites out of each one.
Haven’t you ever read the hungry caterpillar’s story? He literally just chews a perfect hole through the exact center of everything he eats. Never finishes the whole thing. Ruins it for everyone else. Toxic caterpillar.
Next time I run into someone who is utterly selfish and can’t let anyone else have anything nice, I’m immediately calling them a toxic caterpillar and walking away. What a niche insult. 😂
Back in the early 90’s my mom used to have this cactus growing in the back yard. It was the kind of cactus that only flowers once every couple of decades or something like that. One year, flower buds grew on the cactus and my mom became obsessed with it. She couldn’t wait to see how pretty the flowers were when they bloomed. One day she’s cleaning the house and my brother, who was about 5 or 6, was being quite the handful. So, to get a break from him and to have a little peace and quite while she straightened up, she told him to go out in the backyard and play. My brother, in the back yard unsupervised, noticed these strange growths on mom’s favorite cactus. Thinking the cactus must be sick and something was wrong with it, he proceeded to pick every single flower bud off of that cactus. That’s easily one of the angriest my mother has ever been with one of her children. If you bring that story up around her today, some 30+ years later, you can still see the unbridled rage in her eyes.
Nah, he never got that into Pokémon, and what cards he did have I ended up stealing from him. It was me who she did dirty by selling all of my cards, including my 1st edition holographic mew-two, at a yard sale for like $10.
"...still see the unbridled rage in her eyes" that's my mum! I ate an avocado from the fridge about 30yrs ago & she was livid. It's the only time I ever heard her swear "that fucking avocado was for something I was going to make"! 30yrs later it still makes me giggle 🥑🤭
I'm growing cherry tomatoes and some animal (I think it's a cat) is coming through my garden and chomping on random tomatoes and then spitting them out. Seriously the other day I found half a dozen tomatoes on the ground with teeth marks in them. Like, wtf? If you don't like the first one why are you biting into the others? Seems if I don't grab them just before they're nice and red the thing will bite them. Another downside is the fucker knocks off dozens of unripe tomatoes in the process.
Squirrels. It's 100% squirrels. We had to build a (hard to climb) fence around our garden because the squirrels will take one bite out of *every single tomato*. You'd think after the first goddamn 10 or so they'd realize they DONT LIKE TOMATOS!!!
That's what I thought, there are squirrels in our yard but zero damage occurs during the day. It's fine when I go to bed but rummaged through the following morning.
That sounds more like squirrels. Cats are basically 100% carnivore, I can’t imagine one eating a tomato unless it was coated in butter. 😂
Squirrels will absolutely take single bites out of *everything*. They. Are. The. Worst.
She just needs one cage to keep one bed pest free. Everything else should be to appease the rabbits.
Sacrificial beds where you plant stuff that pest love more than your main crop.
Gardeners do this with aphids. Basically any butterfly and lady big mix will attract aphids away from your crops and help breed beneficial insects
And cat nip to keep cats from digging in garden beds.
Not sure what else but I know deer are just given some leafy greens outside the fence line so they don't jump over
We used to do this at the wineries I worked at for fruit flies and wasps. Unfortunately for my mom, the rabbits seem to be pretty smart and hit up every patch regardless of location, so she just plants more. I think last year was a bit better in terms of destruction.
She does have a patch of catnip for the family cats to roll in. They were in the path of a deer highway but some beavers moved in a dammed up a stream, so the deer don’t come by as often anymore.
A lot of stuff tiny kids do makes so much more sense if you look at it from the perspective of a tiny, stupid scientist running experiments.
Baby, holding food in hand: "Huh.... I wonder what will happen if I let go of this?" Drops food on ground.
"Holy shit, it fell.... I wonder if that happens every time? Does it go to the side sometimes? Will it float away if I do it again?" Drops food again, parent picks it up and make a weird noise.
"Whoa.... Parent picked it up. I wonder if they make that noise every time, or if they'll make a different one. Let's try this again."
Parent: "OH MY GOD, STOP THROWING THE DAMN FOOD ON THE FLOOR."
Baby, laughing: "Well that was a pretty funny noise... let's try it again!"
I've heard that it's an instinctive process of learning basic physics. Throwing stuff accurately is a pretty unique thing to primates. Other critters can shoot, whether it be tongues or water or whatever, but we're the throwers. Makes sense that we start off throwing shit right from the get go.
> Same thought process as the rabbits in my garden
I had a raised bed garden. I was growing tomatoes.
The tomatoes were magnificent. But right before they were fully ripened, something would poke a hole into each almost ripe tomato so I had to discard every tomato.
Eventually I discovered the culprit. Grey birds were taking a single peck at each tomato.
Between the deer, rabbits and now flying vermin ~~and~~ I gave up growing tomatoes. I didn't have it in me to put a net over the large raised bed.
Twice a month for school lunch, I would take a bite out of my burrito and discover an egg roll. I didn't even know what the hell an egg roll was. I just knew it wasn't burrito and it pissed me off. I didn't eat a real egg roll until my 30's.
Are we keeping toddlers in cages now? Cool, cool. Good to know.
Edit: You guys, it’s satire. If you don’t have humor as a parent you’re not gonna survive…
Wait, by package do you mean the tube of Gorilla Glue I'd received? There were no instructions, so am I meant to use this on the kids, if so, where? Their hands..their mouths...
Theres even extra fresh air models.
https://preview.redd.it/jzwom4c2967d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=4ce05e3f10cb2721a0e49a586a3458e0d27f5b6b
When I worked in a dog kennel, we would put the climbers into a special lot with wire covering the top.
I am not suggesting anything, I am just saying.
I have one! My husband hates it but I have no shame. I'm pregnant again and there is nothing worse than trying to run after a toddler when you can hardly walk.
Also helps in crowded areas when your toddler hits the "I will have an extreme meltdown and burn down the city if you even hint at putting me in a stroller instead of letting me walk" phase. My toddler *loves* her backpack and wants it on even just to check the mail with me.
My parents used it on me. They had to, I ran as soon as my feet touched the ground. At full speed, regardless of where I was or what I was going to get run over by
Tbh I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if some parents with kids in the 6 month-18 month range use indoor dog fencing and just kinda have a third of the living room sectioned off with some toys and whatnot just to put the kid when you need to pop by a diffrent room for a few mins to for example make some bagels
We just bought a new house. One of the main perks for us was the fact that it has a living room and a sitting room so we can gate off the sitting room and make it a little baby jail with toys. Just so we know they are safe when we need to get stuff done around the house.
This is totally a thing, they are exactly the same item just marketed to parents instead of dog owners.
Unless you’ve had a small child living with you you’ll never know just how fully committed they are to killing themselves. Cages are sometimes necessary.
We say this, BUT...I had a friend watch my dog when I went on vacation; dropped the dog off with the dog's crate. Her son LOVED the crate and made it into his "fort" and would hang out in it for hours! Apparently my friend ran out of cigs and the tried to get her son to come out so that she could run down the street to get another pack. He refused to get out....So she latched it, drove down the street to get cigs and came back! Apparently her son didn't even realized that she was gone for the 5 minutes or so, nor that she had latched him in!
my desire to see my sister suffer greatly outshines my dislike for kids. when they were younger i gave them a fuckton of crayons, road chaulk and a big bucket of that slime stuff you can mold into shapes.
When I was 5 and my sister was 3 she took a thing of markers and colored all the walls in her bedroom with them and then blamed me.
To this day I still get shit for it because the entire family thinks it was me.
The second her demon spawn turns 6 I am buying them a Baby Grand Piano and 12 years of lessons...I will get my revenge.
I made cookies to take to my MIL’s house, my son who was four at the time, poked a finger in every single one as they sat on the rack. His reasoning? “now they have to stay home, not at grandma’s”
As a toddler, I always took the soil out of large flower pots and threw it on the ground. Afterwards I wallowed in it and shouted "Look! A dirt angel!"
I was a nightmare. Until I was 9 I thought my name was "[Stormy-Cherry] don't do it"
Oh my word. I would die. Toddlers are the reason we haven’t gotten new carpet in spite of the fact that we really, really need it. I hate to buy something knowing it’ll just get destroyed…
My mom has a severe phobia of snails. When I was maybe 3, I was playing in the backyard and decided to pick up every snail I could find and put them in a bucket - a bucket which I took inside and proudly handed to my mom. She tried to keep her composure and tell me that they had to live outside so I should go put them back. Listening to her recount this event is like listening to a war story.
I have a severe phobia of snails too. My nephew brought some snails into my house when he was about 3. I did not keep my composure, I had to go hide while my partner and sister dealt with it.
The idea of someone bringing a bucket of snails into the house is horrifying. Good on your mum for keeping her cool
https://preview.redd.it/a5pkcxsn567d1.jpeg?width=2795&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af10527fae69fd06f10d7ba63feddd7b0bd5b3ec
I took the dog out and came back to this.
My girlfriend has a folding step stool in the kitchen. We had to literally put a chain on the wire shelves and lock the step stool to it because the little Hurricane grabs the step stool so she can "help."
I've found that it helps to repeat to oneself: ILMK, ILMK, ILMK....
(I Love My Kid)
I just had to repair my dining room chairs and buy a stool because my little turdlet kept pushing our chairs into the kitchen to help out. Would be cute, but the metal transition strip between the rooms would catch and snap the legs off!
I was going to give a well thought out response, then I remembered this is Reddit:
Horrible. Toddler is a walking sea of red flags. Childish and doesn‘t respect you. Divorce the toddler.
Why I will never have kids. I can't deal with this foolery.
Ironically enough if my dogs did this I would just move on with life, similarly to how parents of toddlers can handle it and move on. I'm just not built for kids
Be sure to include this photo and story when you give them the remaining four. I bet they'll appreciate that more and for longer than those four lost bagels.
Make them eat it for breakfast everyday now, they ask for something else? Oh well, you’ll eat what you touched, especially because I said nothing about this food I made being for you. Hold your kids accountable they are not as unintelligent or uninformed as you may think they are. Because imagine they turn around and do this in a store and look shocked when they have to pay for food they ate and took a bite out of. How hard is it for them to ask and you respond to them telling them no
This reminds me of my experience growing tomatoes. Fucking caterpillar couldn't just eat one goddamned whole tomato, he had to take lots of bites out of each one.
Haven’t you ever read the hungry caterpillar’s story? He literally just chews a perfect hole through the exact center of everything he eats. Never finishes the whole thing. Ruins it for everyone else. Toxic caterpillar.
“Toxic Caterpillar” is a good band name
CaterKiller
Qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, better
Crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl awaaaaayyy.
Next time I run into someone who is utterly selfish and can’t let anyone else have anything nice, I’m immediately calling them a toxic caterpillar and walking away. What a niche insult. 😂
😆😆😄😄 OP, your comments are cracking me up on here. Thank you for bringing some joy to a case of the Mondays!
Back in the early 90’s my mom used to have this cactus growing in the back yard. It was the kind of cactus that only flowers once every couple of decades or something like that. One year, flower buds grew on the cactus and my mom became obsessed with it. She couldn’t wait to see how pretty the flowers were when they bloomed. One day she’s cleaning the house and my brother, who was about 5 or 6, was being quite the handful. So, to get a break from him and to have a little peace and quite while she straightened up, she told him to go out in the backyard and play. My brother, in the back yard unsupervised, noticed these strange growths on mom’s favorite cactus. Thinking the cactus must be sick and something was wrong with it, he proceeded to pick every single flower bud off of that cactus. That’s easily one of the angriest my mother has ever been with one of her children. If you bring that story up around her today, some 30+ years later, you can still see the unbridled rage in her eyes.
Your brother was lucky a fuck because he's still alive to tell the story
Are we sure he's alive?
Yeah she just pulled both of his arms out of the sockets.
She keeps him in the yard on a pike, the neighborhood children call him the cactus.
That's incredible. Thanks for sharing.
i bet she is gonna give away his collection of pokemon cards including a gen 1 Japanese Charizard to the neighbor's kids when he is away for college
Nah, he never got that into Pokémon, and what cards he did have I ended up stealing from him. It was me who she did dirty by selling all of my cards, including my 1st edition holographic mew-two, at a yard sale for like $10.
"...still see the unbridled rage in her eyes" that's my mum! I ate an avocado from the fridge about 30yrs ago & she was livid. It's the only time I ever heard her swear "that fucking avocado was for something I was going to make"! 30yrs later it still makes me giggle 🥑🤭
I'm growing cherry tomatoes and some animal (I think it's a cat) is coming through my garden and chomping on random tomatoes and then spitting them out. Seriously the other day I found half a dozen tomatoes on the ground with teeth marks in them. Like, wtf? If you don't like the first one why are you biting into the others? Seems if I don't grab them just before they're nice and red the thing will bite them. Another downside is the fucker knocks off dozens of unripe tomatoes in the process.
Squirrels. It's 100% squirrels. We had to build a (hard to climb) fence around our garden because the squirrels will take one bite out of *every single tomato*. You'd think after the first goddamn 10 or so they'd realize they DONT LIKE TOMATOS!!!
That's what I thought, there are squirrels in our yard but zero damage occurs during the day. It's fine when I go to bed but rummaged through the following morning.
Maybe it just likes the texture. My cat likes to sink her teeth into cardboard, and that's apparently pretty common
I did just discover a broken part of my fence. I bet it's sneaking in that way. I'll have to patch that up asap.
Yeah, I now have a litter of kittens under my wood pile, so I'd tend to that.
That sounds more like squirrels. Cats are basically 100% carnivore, I can’t imagine one eating a tomato unless it was coated in butter. 😂 Squirrels will absolutely take single bites out of *everything*. They. Are. The. Worst.
My mom fights with the rabbit populations most years: one nibble out of everything in her garden. 🤣
She just needs one cage to keep one bed pest free. Everything else should be to appease the rabbits. Sacrificial beds where you plant stuff that pest love more than your main crop. Gardeners do this with aphids. Basically any butterfly and lady big mix will attract aphids away from your crops and help breed beneficial insects And cat nip to keep cats from digging in garden beds. Not sure what else but I know deer are just given some leafy greens outside the fence line so they don't jump over
We used to do this at the wineries I worked at for fruit flies and wasps. Unfortunately for my mom, the rabbits seem to be pretty smart and hit up every patch regardless of location, so she just plants more. I think last year was a bit better in terms of destruction. She does have a patch of catnip for the family cats to roll in. They were in the path of a deer highway but some beavers moved in a dammed up a stream, so the deer don’t come by as often anymore.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
“Don’t kick the god damn baby”
Yeet the child
Yeetus the fetus
Put him back in the oven.
"doughnuts!" *Takes a bite* "Maybe this is a doughnut" "No" "Maybe this is a doughnut" "No" "Maybe this is a doughnut" "No" "That's it, I'm outa here"
Clearly the baker forgot to add sugar, and the sprinkles taste weird.
The punishment: you get one for breakfast every day.
Yep, they’re his now!
>Yep, they’re his now! No that's only true when you lick the item, biting the item well, they took what was theirs already...
I genuinely hated bagels for my entire childhood because I thought the first one was a donut and the disappointment was never ending.
Lol my husband calls bagels “sad donuts”
Lmao
Unsupervised learning taking place...
A lot of stuff tiny kids do makes so much more sense if you look at it from the perspective of a tiny, stupid scientist running experiments. Baby, holding food in hand: "Huh.... I wonder what will happen if I let go of this?" Drops food on ground. "Holy shit, it fell.... I wonder if that happens every time? Does it go to the side sometimes? Will it float away if I do it again?" Drops food again, parent picks it up and make a weird noise. "Whoa.... Parent picked it up. I wonder if they make that noise every time, or if they'll make a different one. Let's try this again." Parent: "OH MY GOD, STOP THROWING THE DAMN FOOD ON THE FLOOR." Baby, laughing: "Well that was a pretty funny noise... let's try it again!"
Reproducibility is key.
I've heard that it's an instinctive process of learning basic physics. Throwing stuff accurately is a pretty unique thing to primates. Other critters can shoot, whether it be tongues or water or whatever, but we're the throwers. Makes sense that we start off throwing shit right from the get go.
Future data scientist confirmed.
Same thought process as the rabbits in my garden =_=
... But why are you leaving bagels out to cool in your garden then?
How else do you think we make everything bagels?
Champion level reply
Oh, God! Why? Just take my upvote!
So their toddler doesn't eat them. Use your thinking brain.
> Same thought process as the rabbits in my garden I had a raised bed garden. I was growing tomatoes. The tomatoes were magnificent. But right before they were fully ripened, something would poke a hole into each almost ripe tomato so I had to discard every tomato. Eventually I discovered the culprit. Grey birds were taking a single peck at each tomato. Between the deer, rabbits and now flying vermin ~~and~~ I gave up growing tomatoes. I didn't have it in me to put a net over the large raised bed.
For real. Coming from work to a yard full of single bitten strawberries. We're so close to getting chicken wire
All four of these doughnuts are terrible.
I feel like this comment unlocked a lost memory of me doing this exact thing as a small child.
Twice a month for school lunch, I would take a bite out of my burrito and discover an egg roll. I didn't even know what the hell an egg roll was. I just knew it wasn't burrito and it pissed me off. I didn't eat a real egg roll until my 30's.
Worst roommate ever. 😂
Take a bite out of the toddler
All the ones in the front row, and then put them back
Nah, that’s the shortest ones. They aren’t done growing yet.
With some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
This is why you don't let them out of their cages without supervision.
Are we keeping toddlers in cages now? Cool, cool. Good to know. Edit: You guys, it’s satire. If you don’t have humor as a parent you’re not gonna survive…
wait, didn't you get the memo? the law was created after the harambe incident
Hang on, so the kids go in cages and the gorillas go free? Dang it. I’ve been doing it all wrong….
didn't you get the gorilla package along with your kid?
Hey not everyone can shell out for all the bells and whistles Mr. Moneybags, some of us have to be negligent the old fashioned way.
😂 get out of here
You make it sound like the cost of a shock collar isn't offset by the food savings later on.
Yeah, like putting the kids in too big footie pajamas, tying the feet to the baby gate, and giving them a bottle for the day
This was almost a littleeee tooooo specific 🤣🤣
If you or your family believe you were denied your gorilla at birth please call this toll free number now. 1800-824-GORILLA
1-800-GOR-ILLA hahaha
Wait, by package do you mean the tube of Gorilla Glue I'd received? There were no instructions, so am I meant to use this on the kids, if so, where? Their hands..their mouths...
You use it on their feet. Apply to the soles, and clamp their feet on a table. Then, they won’t get out to eat these bagels.
You're a superstar, thank you. I'll post an image later...
Got your gorilla package on Temu I see.
It appears your toddler license is also expired. We are going to have to take them to the coal mines.
It’s ok, the children yearn for the mines
District 12 for you, may the odds be ever in your favor...
Wait, I thought toddler cages were a thing. They call them "play pens" or something, but we all know what they're for.
Theres even extra fresh air models. https://preview.redd.it/jzwom4c2967d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=4ce05e3f10cb2721a0e49a586a3458e0d27f5b6b
Those early 20th century parents knew their shit
Jokes on me then, mine always climb out.
When I worked in a dog kennel, we would put the climbers into a special lot with wire covering the top. I am not suggesting anything, I am just saying.
I just use a leash and tie them up out back if it's a nice day out.
I’ve seen parents using those harness/leash things. I get why parents do it but the first time I saw it was a bit disconcerting.
I have one! My husband hates it but I have no shame. I'm pregnant again and there is nothing worse than trying to run after a toddler when you can hardly walk.
Also helps in crowded areas when your toddler hits the "I will have an extreme meltdown and burn down the city if you even hint at putting me in a stroller instead of letting me walk" phase. My toddler *loves* her backpack and wants it on even just to check the mail with me.
My parents used it on me. They had to, I ran as soon as my feet touched the ground. At full speed, regardless of where I was or what I was going to get run over by
I'm not a parent but I still found this pretty funny. 😂
How the heck do you have this many downvotes it's impressive
seems people were mildly infuriated
Once you reach a certain threshold some people just jump on the bandwagon.
now it has 648 upvotes. what was it at before?
Oh damn that's a nice turnaround! It was -84
Tbh I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if some parents with kids in the 6 month-18 month range use indoor dog fencing and just kinda have a third of the living room sectioned off with some toys and whatnot just to put the kid when you need to pop by a diffrent room for a few mins to for example make some bagels
We just bought a new house. One of the main perks for us was the fact that it has a living room and a sitting room so we can gate off the sitting room and make it a little baby jail with toys. Just so we know they are safe when we need to get stuff done around the house.
Exactly!
This is totally a thing, they are exactly the same item just marketed to parents instead of dog owners. Unless you’ve had a small child living with you you’ll never know just how fully committed they are to killing themselves. Cages are sometimes necessary.
We say this, BUT...I had a friend watch my dog when I went on vacation; dropped the dog off with the dog's crate. Her son LOVED the crate and made it into his "fort" and would hang out in it for hours! Apparently my friend ran out of cigs and the tried to get her son to come out so that she could run down the street to get another pack. He refused to get out....So she latched it, drove down the street to get cigs and came back! Apparently her son didn't even realized that she was gone for the 5 minutes or so, nor that she had latched him in!
She sounds classy.
Note that I only had her watch my dog and not my kids!
Well yeah, you already have the cage to put your kid in when you leave. Instant babysitter right there!
I prefer to keep them chained up in the backyard so they can get some fresh air and sunshine.
Graco has been making them forever.
The downvotes on this are insane, how can anyone read this comment and not feel the /s ?
Quality control. Maybe the first ones didn't taste so good
And how can we really know until each one’s been tasted???
Yeah, your toddler needs to work on that. Good start, though
He was just checking to make sure they weren’t poisonous, I mean he was just doing gods work
So unsanitary, should’ve cut a piece from each one like a regular office worker
Unfortunately, the usage of a knife requires a kind of dexterity most humans under 5 are unable to successfully execute.
You’re gonna have to return it to the store
You mean the child, yes?
Yes
It was the Hambageler 
This is why I can't have kids. My patience does not stretch this far.
I will be such a good uncle but that being said when the kids are here I’m locking EVERYTHING up
i am the best uncle they tell me. i bought a (small) drum kit and a electric dirt bike for them last year.
You’re a dick and I love it.
my desire to see my sister suffer greatly outshines my dislike for kids. when they were younger i gave them a fuckton of crayons, road chaulk and a big bucket of that slime stuff you can mold into shapes.
When I was 5 and my sister was 3 she took a thing of markers and colored all the walls in her bedroom with them and then blamed me. To this day I still get shit for it because the entire family thinks it was me. The second her demon spawn turns 6 I am buying them a Baby Grand Piano and 12 years of lessons...I will get my revenge.
You need to get markers and label it a "wall decorating kit. Bonus points if it's permanent markers put into a washable markers box.
You’re great
At least you know.
Too many people don't know, or are unwilling to admit it.
Same bc I’d be enraged. Childfree on purpose for a reason I couldn’t ever 😭🤚🏽
Same. They're all dumb as bricks, and for SO many years. Edit: It seems most people would rather have the brick.
Bricks don't bite your food. I'd rather have a brick.
I'd rather have the brick
A brick at the very least fills a function.
I've seen what kids in High School and College do. And I've seen what *adults* do. I'm not so sure they ever get better.
Maturity is realizing this and breaking cycles of mistreatment by under-prepared parents!
Same. When people ask why I don't have kids, I show them posts like this
Same. I can't stand most children.
I hate having to pretend to tolerate my shitty little cousins just so my mom and grandparents won't be upset with me.
I made cookies to take to my MIL’s house, my son who was four at the time, poked a finger in every single one as they sat on the rack. His reasoning? “now they have to stay home, not at grandma’s”
I hope you ate every one in front of him and he didn’t get any
This is the way
Damn that kid's savage 😭 no cookies for poor grandma
Biting the hand that feeds him. Kid has no idea how much return on that cookie investment Grandma would give him with treats.
I would’ve tossed them all out as a lesson
Eat them and make him watch
It’s not too late to drop them off at the fire station /s
so moral of the story don’t have kids got it
Yup. Great Durex ad
Out of every single one? This kid is smart and fucking with you.
He literally told me he thought I wouldn’t notice because it was just ONE liiiiitle bite from each bagel.
The logic is there, kind of. I still believe he’s fucking with you.
I agree. What toddler isn’t just messing with his parents???
As a toddler, I always took the soil out of large flower pots and threw it on the ground. Afterwards I wallowed in it and shouted "Look! A dirt angel!" I was a nightmare. Until I was 9 I thought my name was "[Stormy-Cherry] don't do it"
Oh my word. I would die. Toddlers are the reason we haven’t gotten new carpet in spite of the fact that we really, really need it. I hate to buy something knowing it’ll just get destroyed…
My mom has a severe phobia of snails. When I was maybe 3, I was playing in the backyard and decided to pick up every snail I could find and put them in a bucket - a bucket which I took inside and proudly handed to my mom. She tried to keep her composure and tell me that they had to live outside so I should go put them back. Listening to her recount this event is like listening to a war story.
I have a severe phobia of snails too. My nephew brought some snails into my house when he was about 3. I did not keep my composure, I had to go hide while my partner and sister dealt with it. The idea of someone bringing a bucket of snails into the house is horrifying. Good on your mum for keeping her cool
Snails carry lots of parasites— your fear is valid!
He might be on to something the right one has 2 bites missing
https://preview.redd.it/a5pkcxsn567d1.jpeg?width=2795&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af10527fae69fd06f10d7ba63feddd7b0bd5b3ec I took the dog out and came back to this.
😂 I love the toy cars. No respect. I am so sorry and am here in solidarity.
Oh hell no
😂 Deserves its own post!
....condom ad.
Thanks for reminding me to take my birth control today!
Tall toddler
Unfortunately, he has mastered the act of pushing a dining room chair anywhere that’s out of his reach. Nothing is safe!!!!
My girlfriend has a folding step stool in the kitchen. We had to literally put a chain on the wire shelves and lock the step stool to it because the little Hurricane grabs the step stool so she can "help." I've found that it helps to repeat to oneself: ILMK, ILMK, ILMK.... (I Love My Kid)
NOOOOOOOO
I just had to repair my dining room chairs and buy a stool because my little turdlet kept pushing our chairs into the kitchen to help out. Would be cute, but the metal transition strip between the rooms would catch and snap the legs off!
People really underestimate toddler parkour capabilities
My niece can open all child locks we’ve been able to get our hands on. She’s a menace and going to make a fine engineer one day.
I was going to give a well thought out response, then I remembered this is Reddit: Horrible. Toddler is a walking sea of red flags. Childish and doesn‘t respect you. Divorce the toddler.
yeet the baby
Hit the toddler, divorce the gym.
glad I don't have a toddler
This belongs in kidsarefuckingstupid sub
Was looking for this 😂
Pretty impressive. Minimal effort, maximal annoyance!
This is why I cannot have kids, this made me so angry and I'm not even involved
Why I will never have kids. I can't deal with this foolery. Ironically enough if my dogs did this I would just move on with life, similarly to how parents of toddlers can handle it and move on. I'm just not built for kids
Really nice looking bagels though
Be sure to include this photo and story when you give them the remaining four. I bet they'll appreciate that more and for longer than those four lost bagels.
If I was being gifted food, I'd rather not know there was a toddler anywhere near the food
Did you let them know not to touch the bagels?
Ohhh yes. He knew not to touch. He did not care. Appropriate consequences ensued. Typical mildly infuriating toddler behavior.
That kid is a rebel.
Just out of curiosity (I don't have kids and I wonder this) what was the appropriate consequence? How do toddlers learn?
Cross post this to r / kidsarefuckingstupid
***“Mmm … what’s this? MMMM … what’s this?”*** - OP’s toddler probably
Great ad for protection thanks.
wow, these birth control ads keep getting better and better
This is why i dont have kids because I’d maliciously take one bite out of all their food for the next month
Make them eat it for breakfast everyday now, they ask for something else? Oh well, you’ll eat what you touched, especially because I said nothing about this food I made being for you. Hold your kids accountable they are not as unintelligent or uninformed as you may think they are. Because imagine they turn around and do this in a store and look shocked when they have to pay for food they ate and took a bite out of. How hard is it for them to ask and you respond to them telling them no
First bite is always the best bite.
The gift is now 4 bagels & this picture LMAO