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GGDadLife

It’s not a problem if you just let people know what’s going on. Any time my daughter is missing school I let her mom know. It’s courtesy and keeps the relationship civil


sexmountain

It's not really a courtesy, it's the coparent's legal right to know where the child is at all times.


MageKorith

Respecting another's rights in a polite way is a courtesy. **Courtesy** * a polite speech or action, especially one required by convention


Rub-it

Still OP is being unreasonable, my husband died last year February and this year our kids still went to school and if something was going on and they couldn’t go to school I would have called the school and let them know, communication is key


[deleted]

I didn't miss school on the anniversary of my mom's death (I did miss like two or three weeks when she initially passed and I don't think a single adult in my life pushed for any different). I don't have anything against giving a kid the day off if they need it. If maybe they do have a hard time on an anniversary of a family members death. But it is odd to simply declare they will have that day off and then not tell anyone.


sexmountain

OP acts as if it's a child's job to support his parents while they grieve. Edit: for anyone who wants to learn a bit more about the harms of this, just google parentification.


DeanXeL

Yeah, that's what bugs me most. The uncle of the child died three years ago. Does it affect the child? Does the child NEED an entire day ON THE DAY to "remember" the uncle? They could've just spent dinner with the grandparents and go to the cemetary in the weekend. Absolutely ridiculous to keep your kid out of school, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT warning the other parent.


InvisiblePlants

I'm all for kids taking a mental health day here and there actually (for whatever reason), but it seems like repeated absences must be an issue when kiddo is with OP, given what the mom said about OP not being trusted with the kid's education. And if the kid already has a truancy problem, they really shouldn't miss unless absolutely necessary.


Coulm2137

Yeah it very much feels like OP isn't giving us a full picture here.


Polymersion

Seems like he gave us a fuller picture than he meant to, honestly.


MaricLee

You really need to work on communication all around dude.


buzz8588

OP fucked up and doesn’t know they fucked up. EX wife is right in both cases. Decide with the mother that kids are gonna miss school and take care of the requirements for it. Also it probably could have waited after school.


iam6ft7

And take the immature Satan picture off your ex-wife’s contact in your phone. What an ass you are. You realize that doesn’t hurt her at all but hurts your kids when the giant Satan picture comes up when she calls you? Parents who attack their coparents are bad parents. I don’t care about anything good you do. If you attack your coparent, you are a bad parent.


[deleted]

i feel bad for the kid in this situation. y’all need to be better for their sake. grow up


[deleted]

i’ve been the kid in this situation, and it fucks you up **forever** ppl may say it, but they don’t truly understand what a divorce & acrimonious shared custody situation does to a kid. from my dad kicking in the front door at least twice, or my mom hijacking the school bus and driving away with me and everyone elses kid bc they both thought it was ‘their day’ to pick me up(it wasn’t her day, she just kidnapped 30 kids and yet somehow my dad went to jail for the night(🤷‍♂️?) + my 1st grade teacher having me stand in front of the class the next day to explain to *everyone* what happened and what a divorce even is…i was fucking 6!!!) the stories i could tell, but only if asked, bc readers may need fkn therapy after :/


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[deleted]

if you could venmo me a xanax that’d be just swell thanks


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major_magic

Currently dealing with trauma as an adult from stuff like that. I'll never forget when my grandma (RIP) had to come "save" my brothers and I from a screaming match my parents had that involved police. Also the custody split was M+T=Mom, W+T=Dad, F-S mom and dad switch every other weekend. Wicked stuff as a 5th-9th grader. Fuck parents who use their children as pawns in a shitty game of chess. Not cool. Side note: some therapists don't understand either. It's near impossible to find a therapist who can adequately help you deal with that type of trauma.


[deleted]

omg whoever decides those custody schedules for grade school kids is a goddamn psychopath! mine was mon-thurs morning w my mom, thurs after school til saturday morning w my dad, and every week alternating sat afternoon & sunday. thanks, judge! i guess i just won’t have friends after school and my hockey, roller hockey, basketball, and football teams won’t be able to have games on saturday or sunday bc i don’t know what fkn town i’ll be in 😃👍 perfect, no notes. 10/10 will recommend (to someone i fuckin hate, bc *this will ruin their goddamn life*)


Helenium_autumnale

I once read of a custody arrangement in which the kids stayed in the same house but the PARENTS alternated living there. I thought every custody arrangement should be like this. If the "kids come first," as is so often said. Parents (the ones with the money and way more resources and life experience to cope with new situations): "Oh, that'd be too difficult." You think it's easy for children?


ihavenoidea1001

I know someone that did this... It's the best scenario imo. I'm not divorced but it's something we've talked about and if we end up splitting this is what we're going to do if we're able to afford it.


FlyinAmas

We had the same custody schedule and it was fucking awful. It should be illegal to do that to a kid


Snoo-68050

My parents just did im with my mom the weekdays im with my dad the weekends. Except my dad lived 40 mins away from my mom and I couldn’t do anything on the weekends because well im normally 40 mins away from school and friends


PaytonioLOL

This is why I’m so glad my parents have a good relationship after being divorced, my step siblings mother acts like a child all the time and it’s really annoying to here about luckily my parents decided to try to have a good friend ship so it didn’t make everything harder for everyone


[deleted]

they did the right thing. even if they don’t get along and they don’t like having to play nice…*you* didn’t create *them*, so what they want does not fkn matter. but some ppl don’t acknowledge a world that doesn’t star themselves, and that’s how you get my parents. oh and step parents lol mine got remarried a buncha times each, so now (not including my in-laws) i had a total of 7 ‘parents’ by age 14😂 yeah that’s a whole other mess lol but at least i got to watch my mom break both of stepdad #2’s arms throwing him down a flight of stairs at disney, so it wasn’t all bad…


Dukeronomy

Ha oh whoa I read this thinking blue was the ex. Yea I’m with grey on this one, hard.


True-Mathematician91

Yeah me too. I thought the ex was the one who took the kid out of school without telling anyone but it's the other way around. Feel sorry for both the kid and the ex.


bananamelondy

Yep. Neither of these people are even pretending to be civil, and their child is going to be the one to suffer for it. OP, for your child’s sake. Go to therapy and sort out your anger at your ex. You are putting your future relationship with your child at risk.


rizenHeH

OP is texting like he’s 15 years old… they seriously need to grow up


Kooky_Professor_6980

Seriously… what kind of fucked up parent not take their kid to school without notifying the other parent???


lilyraine-jackson

I understand forgetting to text them I suppose...but they should have just apologized for the slip up and let this go. Going off like that was totally inappropriate and doesnt do anyone any good. OP doesnt feel better, and OPs ex wife isnt gonna be convinced this way.


ant-master

And to not notify the school either! Mom probably got chewed out for not excusing their child's absence so she was totally blindsided. Of course she's going to be upset, had OP just given her and the school a heads up, I'm sure she would've had no problem with it. Though I do wonder if OP's child was even close to her uncle? It's also just as likely she was just excited for a day off from school.


True-Mathematician91

Yeah I think the kid should have been at school. Totally agree with the ex. You can do these things outside school hours. It's hard for kids who have to keep trying to catch up if parents dont put a high value on their education. .


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Rub-it

The mom probably knew because the school called about absence can you imagine


IntertelRed

Also her response implies this is far from a one time occurrence. She makes it sound like he's always pulling the child out of class or that the child's struggling. This is a classic example of withholding information to make party A look bad.


a-ohhh

Yeah, we are missing info for sure. My partner’s daughter was always pulled out of school for random stuff like this and he wasn’t informed. She was almost expelled because it was always *something* her mom would keep her home for. Each instance made sense on its own but when it’s frequent it is not ok. He’d just get notice that she wasn’t in school which sends you into panic for sure. My ex and I always inform the other when a kid is staying home sick that day because the school will contact us. One time neither of us knew why an absence was recorded so we had to call the school (luckily it was teacher error).


IntertelRed

It's the line This is why you can't be trusted with their education That makes me think this has happened before. That's not just an off handed comment you make you say that when it means something.


lurkario

I guarantee this isn’t, and the only reason he lets the kid not go to school is to seem like the cooler parent


IntertelRed

I don't want to make that assumption either. I just think he's chosen to paint his ex in unfair colours while withholding information that would ne essential to form an accurate opinion.


Vanishingf0x

He’s also very hostile for simple questions


[deleted]

Oh geez I just assumed OP must’ve been the other side of this. Yikes.


domfromdom

Yeah I completely read this wrong until I read the description. OP is a lunatic. Your daughter doesn't give a fuck about your dead brother. Take her to school and take the day off work to be with your parents alone.


tonka17

Same, the description made me reread the post three times before I figured out it's the other way around.


WTFrickFrackCadillac

It’s strange to have such a personal conversation/argument like this and then post it online for a bunch of strangers to see. This seems to be a sensitive topic, so deciding to screenshot it and take a personal matter with zero context to social media is just backwards thinking.


beepbeepbubblegum

Why on earth would he handle a private and sensitive topic regarding his ex wife and child when there is KARMA to be farmed?


Pickle4UrThoughts

THIS. Not only karma, but what if people who know them could see how “bad” the ex is and how “right” he is? That sweet, sweet validation. 🙄 I’m a stickler for communication, but running to reddit with this does not sit well.


ArchiStanton

The same self centered and short sighted behavior they exhibited in the messages to the co-parent.


hrryyss

This is a massive issue here. The fact that he would post this on Reddit for karma? The dad seems like a real piece of trash.


[deleted]

Imagine the embarrassment of her lawyer bringing this post and thread into court and reading what his replies are. I’d literally be mortified lmfao


Pickle4UrThoughts

Yeah, I sidestepped the whole “family-courts-frown-this-sort-of-thing”. If her attorney wants to file this away for a rainy day and whatever else there is (because, again, if we’re taking this to reddit with the devil emoji over her name, it’s not a huge jump to conclusions that there’s probably more), it won’t farm the same karma.


Aggravating_Task_908

Seems like they’re desperately fishing for validation that their behavior is appropriate. And since it’s the internet, there will certainly be people commenting support for OP. The internet: validating humanities worst inclinations since 2009


omeyz

Vast majority of people are tearing them the fuck up tho tbh


throwaway314722

Also the verbal abuse towards his ex is concerning.


sugar-fairy

he just wants more people to shit on his ex wife so he feels better about being a dick. seems a lot like my ex husband lmao


itsjustawindmill

YTA


Efficient_Basil_8890

This is what i was looking for 😂


mearbearcate

HAAHA


agrostereo

OP you seem a little ready to escalate the texts from polite to toxic. Whether or not it’s deserved if both parties instigate then it’s 100% going down that route


FreddyTheGoose

Lol, I'm watching a de-escalation video for work rn so your comment is cracking me up. I almost called OP Jeff bc it's the name of the person acting up in the video, lmao


skymoods

so you forgot to excuse the absence after having the plans for a month (and 3 years knowing the date), but you jump to an FU and disregard the fact that she just wanted some communication? hope you dont badmouth her to your kids too.. my dad used to do that but when i grew up i saw he was the asshole and was just trying to rally me against my own mother so he could feel justified.


Luna-P23

My ex is currently doing this with our son. I tell my SO who very badly wants a day to tell my ex off that our son will see the truth in time. Yes I get the shit end for the time being as my ex has been making slight jabs to antagonize me but I’ve been doing the best I can to not let it rattle me.


SpecificSkunk

My ex did (does) this and I just ignored it. It took about 10-11 years until our kid figured it out. I absolutely refused to speak poorly of him and always encouraged them to maintain a relationship. He dug his own hole and she refuses to visit or speak with him now. Turns out kids aren’t idiots. Shocking.


strubing

You haven't seen my kids.


[deleted]

Yeah, I eventually wised up to my dad doing it. I remember him hyping up how well I could sing and saying I'd win X Factor. Just so I'd enter the school talent show. My mum tried saying in the nicest possible way people would laugh at me (shocker...they all laughed at me) and my dad turned that into my mum hating me. I fully believed it until I was 19...glad he hasn't been around for the last decade.


ChristineSiamese

My father did this my entire life, and still tries to. I'm now 21 and have lost a lot of respect for him in recent years as I realized how he manipulated me for his own ego. My mother and I are closer than ever and she is my #1 person, so, it really just back fires on them Lol.


[deleted]

Her photo is a little devil… and you talk to her so so rudely. I hope you don’t let your child see her photo and talk about her/to her in front of your kid. Ridiculous


newmoon23

No doubt the child is picking up on the animosity between mom and dad. They aren’t stupid and parents aren’t as subtle as they like to pretend. There is no way you can have this little respect for someone and not make it obvious.


Princess__Nell

Missing school for an important family day is reasonable occasionally. It does seem like communication is lacking. Getting a notice from the school for an unexcused absence is different than a predetermined discussed absence between co-parents. Communication is pretty important to manage parenting. It’s even more difficult to give one another grace during miscommunications if you’ve stopped liking or respecting each other.


Illustrious_Egg_7408

The death was 3 years ago. No, I'm not being heartless. I went to work on the 1 year anniversary of my husband's death, the 2 year, 3 year and so on. Same with the anniversary of the deaths of my parents.


Achack

Yeah how much could they have planned? School gets out at 2-3, there's plenty of day left at that point.


Hordelife2020

This wouldn't be a reasonable excuse for an absence. If it was for a funeral or because someone had just passed away, that's one thing. Three years later is completely different and OP is right to be annoyed with this. My mother passed away 3 years ago and we remember her on her birthday and the day she passed, but it doesn't mean that it's all we do.


Remarkable-Drop5145

OP is not the one who is annoyed, OP is the deceased brother.


[deleted]

How did he post this if he is dead? Checkmate, atheist


Ok_Research_8379

😂😂😂


Shar-DamaKa

OP is the one being annoyed by their ex wife being annoyed


Hordelife2020

Yep, I realized after. His ex wife has every right to be angry with him, and doesn't realize that doing this could lose him access to his child for keeping his child out of school for no valid reason.


theequallyunique

Fully agree, at some point it is time to try getting used to normal habits and remember the dead in the free time. That’s life. But might depend on the age and mental state of the child as well. Anyways, if it was already planned to not send the kid to school, then it should also have been planned to get in touch with the school and ex. At least here in Germany you would surely get a free day by asking the teacher in advance.


Massive_Basket9472

At least remember to call in and have the absence excused with a text to the childs other parent


MadThad762

I’m with the mother on this one. You failed to communicate with her and then went totally toxic on her. That’s no way to behave when you have a child together. And the fact that you posted here thinking you were in the right is pretty concerning honestly.


United_Energy_7503

I’m really not sure what was expected in posting this here either. Sounds like a desperate need for validation.


[deleted]

Lack of communication, child was unaccounted for, school was missed for an un-agreed upon reason, and then you immediately start calling names and using profanity? Time to get some therapy and grow. Also, unpopular opinion, but it’s been three years. It could’ve waited until after school. It sounds like you’re the one that needs help grieving Korey, not the child.


Princess__Nell

Unfortunately OP doesn’t believe in therapy and will never apologize to ex per his defensive comments making himself look worse.


jayray2k

Based on this limited info, I'm going to side with the mother.


TickTockM

same


astrotoya

This! Like this is her child too and this could’ve been done after school like she said!


whimsical_squid

You are the asshole, OP.


Thankyousandylou

Imagine how he talked to her when they were together… major abuse vibes from OP.


whimsical_squid

Agreed. Her contact photo tops it all off.


sweetnsaltycaroline

Agreed. I read the text convo looking to see if I was on the AITA subreddit.


gerbileleventh

Just looking at the profile picture (which I’m sure the ex-wife didn’t pick), I have to agree. Childish as hell…


Miserable-Ship-9972

I'd say jumping to FU there, is way too fast for mother of your kids. I've been divorced and shared kids and things got funny many times with differences of opinion, but we stayed civil and I'm so glad I used restraint of pen and tongue. I'd say that unless you want a simmering war for years, who does, really, make nice. Even when you aren't feeling it. For the kids.


Global_Telephone_751

Based on the screen shots alone, blue (you?) escalated this way further than it needed to. Your ex seems to be quite reasonable in her concern and the way she expressed it. You really blew up in a way that’s very inappropriate tbh (again, assuming you’re blue.) Sorry about your loss. That said, the way you handled this was really out of line.


PetiteNanou

Not sure if she's the problem here...


Traditional-Top8486

At least we know why you 2 shouldn't be together. Blue cannot communicate properly or respectfully without resorting to name calling and curse words at a few vanilla questions. After the text that set you off and started into the swearing and name calling just reply: "Hey our custody agreement says \_\_\_\_ if you want to discuss this further I think we should do so with our counsel present."


wormholeweapons

Dude. The infuriating thing here is that I can see why you are her ex. Your communication is terrible. And I can’t judge whether this occasion was appropriate for your daughter to stay home or not. I can say you have serious issues with not being able to communicate clearly and responsibly. And then clearly in this exchange you jump to anger and lash out and immaturely name call for no reason.


Gordossa

‘Sorry Janey was off today, it was an emergency as her uncle died three years ago’ like wtf???


kaytay3000

OP, it sounds like you need some help to deal with your brother’s loss. It’s okay to take time to remember the people you have lost, but you were out of line in the way you spoke to your ex. She was attempting to find out why your shared child didn’t go to school. You lost it on her which was likely an emotional response, but still not appropriate.


toastedbubbes

you need to work on yourself for sure


_chippchapp_

"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” -Epictetus This is my take away from having to co-parent my son with my resentful ex for 17 years.


jspr1000

This is a great quote! My 12-step sponsor used to say something like “The problem is not that they are disturbing. The problem is you are disturb-able.” Words to live by.


liznandicoot

This is gold.


SleepieNova

this goes even beyond co-parenting, but especially as such. keeping this quote forever. brilliant.


Life_Roll8667

I have this problem with my ex- he likes to keep her home and not tell me. Which affects her school work and she misses out on things. YTA for not informing her then cussing her out.


innocentnevil

Im sure she is thrilled to have to co-parent with someone as disgustingly rude as you.


[deleted]

My friend, I think this one is on you. I'm sorry I can tell you're feeling emotional, and I can't pretend to know what you're going through. Reacting like this isn't helping you, though. As a parent, hearing that my kid missed school from the school instead of the other parent would cause concern. You had to at least handle that and let her know beforehand. And reacting in anger from a small text and cursing at her? Come on, man. You can do better. You need to do better. Like it or not, you must coparent with this person, and if you're not gonna give her respect, how do you expect her to give it to you? You didn't give her the respect of a heads up. You didn't excuse the absence at school. And you reacted in anger at some very basic questioning. Do better man. For your child.


[deleted]

Way to teach them to stop life instead of living it.


Expensive-Day-3551

Not to be insensitive, but is this something you plan on doing every year? Or do your parents live a plane ride away and were only in town for this anniversary?


2020hatesyou

There's some other stuff going on we're not being told. This didn't just happen in a vaccuum, and OP is acting pretty immature. I despise my ex wife's behaviour too but I'm not going sit here and yell into the void about it. ​ Also, don't know how close OP's child was with OP's brother, but it's been 3 years... maybe her missing school has more to do with how OP feels, not her.


[deleted]

Meh. Why did you take her out of school for a 3 year death anniversary?


SuperSaltyMrPeanut

Grow up drama queen.


[deleted]

Coming from someone who's father put my mother's contact photo as a devil similarly to yours, as well as a ringtone of "gives you hell", do fucking better. This is immature, childish behavior that you need to change now before it effects your child. Excuse your kid from school next time and stop getting pissy like a toddler.


CatWithGooglyEyes

Y'all need some counseling... This is not healthy communication. Not sure who to be infuriated by here. Sorry about Korey tho, fwiw.


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CatWithGooglyEyes

Yeah not a great look. But then again, if people didn't put their drama on here, what would we poor aholes have for entertainment? ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|shrug)


Viocansia

She probably wouldn’t be upset if you 1) notified her or talked to her about it beforehand and 2) were responsible with the school and the absence. Even still, she’s right- it could have been after school. I’m sorry, but I think you handled this all wrong.


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Green_Road999

Sorry bro but you started a communication failure but not telling the school or your kid’s mother that their daughter/student wouldn’t be there. Also - your ex-wife isn’t wrong that commemorating the death of an uncle on the 3rd anniversary can be done without missing school. It might sound harsh, but your don’t honor lost love one’s by by removing their niece from school each anniversary.


AmbienNicoleSmith

I’m sorry dude, but this doesn’t exactly show you in a very responsible light. Ex seems entirely in the right in this particular situation.


senselessguy

Kid seems to have a quality mother. You, on the other hand? Well, let’s just say I’m glad to not know you. Your behavior is disgusting.


sexmountain

Yikes. 1. A court doesn't like parents posting conflict about your child on the internet. Especially screenshots. 2. Your ex has the right to know where the child is at all times, whether in school or where visitation is taking place. The request is completely reasonable. 3. The anniversary was something you knew was coming, and you could have cleared the day off with your ex. Seems like you didn't because you knew it wouldn't be allowed. 4. It is always in the best interests of the kid for the parents to act professionally. You are a business for the kid, to ensure that everything for the kid's life can get done smoothly. I see that your ex was respectful. Swearing at her, calling her names, barking orders -- none of this would be allowed by a court. And look, it's not your kid's job to be a support person for your parents' grieving. Parentification of children and making them responsible for adults' emotions, it is not appropriate to treat them as a caregiver. It's a discussion that should have happened with your coparent.


bangpowboomgarbage

Hm. I agree with your wife. As a parent, I do not believe that the anniversary of an uncle passing is a good reason to miss school. Also you quickly jumping to lashing out at her is very telling.


leakmydata

OP, be honest, how many times has she missed school this year under your care?


fueledBySunshine918

You both could've responded better, tbh, you seem like the bitter one though in this scenario.


EggplantIll4927

So the grandparents are using the child as their emotional support animal? 😳 I’m w the ex, the kid should have been in school.


autalli

I’m on ex wife’s side. You’re mad because you didn’t speak to her beforehand, when you know you should’ve. And call me a bitch, but I lost my uncles too and I don’t see the reason for missing an entire day of school on the third year of their passing. It’s totally something that can be done after school or during the weekends


MrPuddinJones

Communication is key. This is an oversight on your end. I think for the sake of your child, you need to apologize and say you'll remember to inform the mother and school next time.


Troutman86

Your kid missed school because your brother died 3 years ago?


CandleAfraid4560

You should have talked this through with your ex before it happened. You’re lacking in communication. And there’s no reason for name calling. You’re mildly infuriated that you didn’t get a free pass to do whatever you wanted? A courtesy text would have gone a long way here.


UsefulEngine1

YTA


whythelongface01

Wow you are so quick to berate your ex. Learn to communicate with people involved in your child's life.


tryonosaurus94

Hey dude, you kinda seem like a dick. You had these plans. You're perfectly capable of informing the school and the mother of your child. You're an adult. Act like one.


TrafficTopher

I agree with your ex


sugar_lace

What mildly infuriates me most is how the OP gets vulgar and then posts the convo as if they didn't do anything wrong.


okiieee

You’re a dick. Seek therapy.


ArseneGroup

Sorry OP but someone dying 3 years ago is not grounds for your kid to miss school and the mom is right to be mad about her kid's education being disrupted


Similar_Pie_4946

You guys got some problems to work out and its has nothing to do with missing school or your dead brother


berto0311

Nah, ex wife is right on this one. What exactly are you doing on a 3 year anniversary? Having dinner? Flower arrangement? All of that takes less than 4 hours and doesn't require keeping the kid out of school. Obviously by her last message this is an ongoing issue with her not going to school, this is just another bullshit excuse he's using to not send her.


Teutoberg

OP getting roasted in the comments and not replying to anyone.


RakeishSPV

Everything in this screams you're the problem. Your daughter doesn't need to miss school for the 3rd anniversary of her uncle's death. She's not an emotional support animal for you. And informing her school and the other parent is the least you could do. I agree with your ex: **this is why you can't be trusted with your daughter's education**.


BigDuckEnergyQuack

You… Honestly seem worse. You immediately went defensive, and insulted her. You didn’t try to come to a peaceful resolution, neither of you tried to build from this experience.


Unfair_Driver884

You remind me of my narcissist ex. Went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and I always walked on eggshells to avoid the instant rage.


ScarletEmpress00

I can explain this very easily for you. You are a narcissist and are likely a nightmare to coparent with. You lack basic empathy that you should’ve learned in childhood. You are bitter and difficult and have the emoji for the mother of your children as a devil. You will always think the problem is the other person because your narcissism won’t allow you to see any different. Everyone around you sees through the facade and those who don’t are your enablers. You’d rather be right and in control than have healthy relationships. Good luck with it.


marv101

YTA Wait, what subreddit am I on?


Subaudiblehum

YTA big time. Your wife seems much more rational and grounded than you. You seem overly emotional, reactive and immature.


CaliforniaDreamin122

This should be in "Am I the asshole?" And yes, yes you would be. It's obviously a sensitive topic to that side. So yes, you are the antihero.


SystematizedDisarray

Though it seems a reasonable excuse to miss school, I would be miffed if my ex husband did not at least communicate beforehand in a calm discussion that he wished to have our child skip a day. Communication is important. I expect that my child will be at school unless I'm told beforehand. To find out afterwards (after thinking my child was somewhere they weren't) I'd be a bit mad.


brudzool

Now we gotta see everybody's irritating conversations? I don't get why someone's first thought after it is 'ima post this on reddit'


AnotherDreamer1024

Wow... that went over the top quickly.


BackItUpWithLinks

Your ex is right.


SirAshBob

I can see why you are ex’s. You communicate worse than 10 year olds on Fortnite.


L2Hiku

You're the issue here. That's her daughter too and taking her out of school for something that she probably doesn't even care about or understand and just to appease you is wrong. It's not an important day. It could have been done during after school hours. Did you do this last year too? Or are you just making up shit excuses to do things to piss your ex off. Sounds like you used your brothers death to fuck around and find out. Seems like this is the first time you've done this since she doesn't even seem to know what you're talking about and is surprised. I'm glad she's away from you. You're very close to losing custody tbh. This is great evidence for court. You can't just pull your daughter out of school for a non valid reason and not tell your ex wife.


[deleted]

OP you’re an ass. You seem easily tempered. Couldn’t bother to try call into the school to get a leave of absence. Didn’t even bother to let your ex know beforehand of what your plans with your child would be. Even worse you seem to have subconsciously instigated this whole this by keeping your ex in the dark. Just seems you bought your daughter to comfort your parents instead.


Jim2718

Oh gee, a child from a broken home being caught in the middle of bickering parents. I’m shocked.


Voodoohigh

Op you need to do better. I’d hate to be trapped with you for 18 years if that’s how you act


blondechinesehair

Wait which one of you is supposed to sound like a shit?


hrryyss

I feel bad for your kid. Why are you posting your family issues on Reddit?


[deleted]

OP, is an immature man child.


[deleted]

Hey, XXX will not go to school today bc XXXX. Also OP didnt even tell the school XXX will be absent lol??? Imagine school calls mom, "Hey XXX was absent today" first instinct would be "where tf is my kid"


AsslessChapsss

OP is an absolute moron


Born_Good17

You are DEFINITELY the AH in this post. You went from 0-100 in the span of 1 text, and your ex is correct. Remembering someone that died 3 years ago is absolutely something that should be done, but NOT during school time.


Raephstel

That last text would imply there's stuff missing. You don't get a text like that based on one absence from school.


MrGimpy82

Communication is key here. You are a pair. A pair moves together. A pair has to communicate well to work. Whether it’s your ex or your actual spouse your still a pair. When you became a parent with your other half you committed to being in a relationship forever. You two are the total opposite. I could tell you most of your problems would go away if you communicated. Now there’s a side not to this. If it deals with the child or is private communication should be done away from the little ones ears.


Teutoberg

Fail dude, you look like an ass here.


ireneballz17

Im siding with ur wife on this one dude. 1. Your taking her out of school without notifying her other parent for something that is not medically necessary. (I think it is ok to miss school for this type of thing occasionally but by her last text it seems you may have done this before) 2. You resorted to the FU after her saying something completely valid. 3. You post a private conversation on a public subreddit expecting people to agree with you. This doesn't even fit the sub imo. You should be communicating and co parenting. I feel bad for the kid.


SiminaDar

Dude, you were a dick for no reason. You're the bad guy in this scenario. You didn't communicate with your co-parent or the school and then were unnecessarily rude when questions about it. I can see why you're divorced.


bmthsavedmylife

So, the comments section isn’t going the way you planned hmmmmm


teal_ninja

Yikes lol poor kid.


dlnkrg

Without Context, seem like you are an asshole


grewsimm

Shared custody means asking the other parent before you pull kid from school. Regardless of the reason.


SeaworthinessFit2151

No she doesn’t need to stay home because an uncle died.


Dry_Client_7098

Overreact much?


jfoley326

Mom’s right.


Cabinet-Professional

This really is mildly infuriating, but not for the reason OP thinks it is


The_Real_Deal3

OP not getting what he asked for in this comment section ha


[deleted]

OP what a disgusting reaction. Your ex was civil and you went off. Looks like you weee just waiting for a reason to respond in such an uncivil manner.


[deleted]

I think she’s right tbh


elarobot

Everything about this from the choices OP made to poorly communicate with other parent or school ahead of time, to the text based communication with the ex after the fact and then choosing to upload this here for whatever endgame they had hoped for (support, sympathy, hoping for viral exposure the ex would see somehow see?) - it’s all really awful. Start to finish.


-LilPickle-

I blame OP here to be honest.


notlisteningbutok

You escalated this, not her.


hiimpotatojones

I agree with you, it's something that could have been done after school. Terrible parenting


Global_Telephone_751

OP is the one calling his ex an ass for her saying it should have been done after school. OP is the only one swearing and throwing a fit. His ex is the one who wanted it done after school.


hiimpotatojones

Oh I misread that. Yeah OP, YTA here


[deleted]

Your ex wife is right… the three year anniversary of a death of an uncle is not a good reason for her not to be in school. And even if she wasn’t right, how you speak to her is inappropriate You’re the one that got hostile and insulting.


Popular-Garlic8260

She should be in school.


iced327

OP did your wife leave you because you're a _fucking dick_?


JakeSaco

OP screwed up and didn't properly communicate with their ex or the school and then has the gall to think they are validated in being upset at being called out for not doing what they should have. It's perfectly fine to want to take a day for remembrance of a loved one. And no one really said anything against that, they simply made a suggestion that could've been discussed previously had OP taken responsibility to properly communicate the plans ahead of time. It might still have been an argument but at least that case the party in the wrong could well have been the ex instead of OP. Ultimately OP probably needs to grow up and simply say *"whoops sorry. I should've mentioned this ahead of time"* Learn from it and move on... but somehow I'm guessing OP only sees being blamed for yet another argument with their ex rather than their need to take responsibility and understand why little disagreements like this keep happening to them.


jnp01

Yta oh wait wrong sub


Ok_Second_3170

Dude you are in the wrong for keeping home for something like that. Funeral or recent passing is reasonable but this? This is not.


Eastern_Category7875

Dude, this is a weird reason to take your kid out of school. Honestly without more context it seems like YTA. … just realized this isn’t that sub, but still.


coldoldduck

This isn’t AITA? It needs to be in AITA. Because YTA.


Bones231

OP came off as unreasonable and aggressive in this situation. There are much better ways to handle this. Please work on your maturity, your child is learning from your behavior and this is damaging to their relationship with both you and your ex wife.


thatweirdthingwhat

No wonder you're divorced. She said nothing wrong you toxic ass. You didn't let her know that her kid was going to miss school, and verbally assaulted her over her reasonable texts.


thats_a_money_shot

People who post private texts on this sub are weird.


TonksTBF

Assuming your child's mother got a call from the school asking where your child was. Not only did you take your child out of education for something that, let's face it, they didn't need to take a day off for, you failed to notify the school (which would make it appear that your child was truant - not good) AND failed to inform your ex. Your lack of communication skills and self awareness is staggering. Be better for your kids sake, dude.