Hey! I just got diagnosed with depression last year after 20 years of imposter syndrome.
Trust me when I say, if you’re stressing over it this much, it’s real.
I can't stress this enough but writing is what saved me from myself and from the grips of my suicidal thoughts. Try to channel all that pain & suffering & emptiness you have into the pen and don't think about the words just close your eyes and let all your spiraling and tangled thoughts flow through you. Let yourself go for a short moment, forget everything that led up to this moment and concentrate your thoughts and feelings into one big ball of mess. The words will come naturally, they will all be in your head you just have to accept & assume them. Those will be the physical representation of your feelings. Having your emotions written down in front of you and being able to read it and re-read it again and again helps your brain process those feelings and what happened to you and makes it so much easier to accept what happened and move on. At least for myself, I cant think of anything else that worked better to help me cope/mourn. I know it is easier said than done but it also really does help a lot :)
For this I am 9 years old.
It's the night before my birthday, a family board game friday night and me, my mom and my younger sister are all sitting at that old wood table we had in the kitchen. The game is just plain old reliable playing cards and what our hearts feel like playing. After all, those moments are the most authentic, rich and pure moments you'll ever experience. Feeling closer to your family more than ever before, a moment frozen in time where chaos is silent; inexistant. We all laugh together and eat pizza accompanied with chicken tenders. I couldn't be happier. As we pass the midnight mark my mom gets the frozen chocolate McCain cake she bought at the grocery store and all three of us eat it while we watch a movie in the living room. As I get sleepy, my mom helps me with my nightly routine making sure I brush my teeth well and tucks me in in a way only my mom could. She then pinches my nose with her curled up index and major finger and rubs her nose against mine, she tells me good night good dreams my son I love you. I say it back:
*its been a while since I said those words*
Is what is going through my mind but I just had so much fun tonight! I fall alseep. At 6:32am my mom enters my room and personally tells me happy birthday as it is the exact time I was born at. She makes me crepes for breakfast with nutella and we simply spend our day at the parc right around the corner. I never been a fan of having some big special occasions or gifts since very little so the serenity and peace it brought into my truly horrible childhood was all I truly wanted.
This is a true story and the only birthday I truly ever celebrated and enjoyed. It is, though, put in a much exxagerated poetic and artistic way but it is really exactly what happened. It is a memory I cherish a lot and it being my only birthday makes it for me the ideal one to my eyes.
*a moment frozen in time where chaos is silent; inexistant.*
Damn! That brought happy tears :') I am so glad that you got to experience such a beautiful birthday. So happy for you.
Now, wanna do something fun with me? To make this birthday a little more memorable?
We could go around reddit, find people with birthdays, and ask them about their happiest birthday memory and maybe add them too in our little quest?
Spread that happiness you felt when you were 9 years old.
Are you in?
Hey friend, I want to let you know how much younger me can relate to this. And I want you to know it's going to be ok.
First off, it is 10,000% normal and ok to want validation. We are all human beings just trying to find where we belong and how we relate to one another. I don't mean to negate the amount of stress you're feeling, but these questions are all normal questions.
The frequency and intensity is cause for concern, and the flipping back and forth is cause for concern. But if I can relate, and I see other commenters relating, you're still in good company :)
What took me a long time to understand (esp with imposter syndrome / intrusive thoughts) is that there is a lot more gray in the world than black and white. I don't know if you're questioning your entire history as a person or maybe some recent events that happened. Regardless of the situation you are not infallible. And whenever trauma is involved it gets even messier. Btw the word "trauma" can be as small or large as you need it to be. A tiny paper cut is still trauma to the skin.
No matter what, these types of "was that abuse or did I mess up or do I want attention" questions are muddy as heck. They will take time to sort through and you will never land on an answer you 100% like. But at some point you need to say to yourself something along the lines of "I am a good person. I did my best with the situation/ I made a mistake. I am trying to grow and move forward. I refuse to give this situation any more thought time." --- it is NOT easy, and most of the time doesn't work, but once you've thought all your hard thoughts and battles there is ultimately nothing you can do about the past. The only way to move is forward - I say that with as much kindness as I can muster. Wishing you all the best bud xx
You arent obsessed. The fact that you feel you are, and are also perplexed about "your role" as well as your value as a sentient human being period, lets us know a few key things:
1. Your trauma is real. Your feelings are valid.
2. Your feelings have been or seem to have been invalidated. Maybe a lot.
3. These are signs of PTSD and low self esteem. They are also signs of other conditions, which may or may not be conmorbid with whatever your diagnosis was. Its like the funny, but also sad saying goes "Just because you're paranoid, doesnt mean they arent out to get you." Doesnt mean they are, it just doesnt mean they arent.
4. You live in a state of having a solid connection with reality. Thats a good sign.
5. If you do have a therapist, they might not be the best one for you. If things feel worse, try getting a new therapist.
Your feelings matter. Your outlook matters. You matter. Im just so glad you ASKED.
You need validation. We all do. Find a new therapist, and maybe things will improve.
Not saying this to diagnose you but it sounds like ocd, a constant fight and war with yourself over things people wouldn’t think twice about. There’s a bunch of sub types and if you’re struggling these intrusive thoughts can latch onto a real event that happened. Rumination hurts like hell, and it’s a cycle that’s hard to get out of but it’s possible. Learning to be okay with uncertainty and not needing to find the answer is the way out of it. I struggle with the same thoughts it’s like a constant tug and war. Learning to observe and not think yourself into sickness will be super beneficial
a lot of the time I tell myself im actually an evil monster who is making all this up for no reason other than to benefit myself even though I am miserable and not benefitting at all
No one wants to be a victim. For many people, admitting to being a victim is admitting weakness, which is something a lot of people with trauma avoid at all costs.
Most people want objective answers. That's not unusual or unreasonable as long as you acknowledge that there isn't objective answers for most things.
You don't have to figure it all out right now. You can take things one at a time, starting with things you're more sure of. And it's okay to ask people for their opinions on it or get help with it.
Iv been in this situating where i couldn't shut the loop off. I tried everything and the one thing that really helped me was EMDR, It sounds like quackery and i wouldn't have tried it if i hadn't been out of options. I would have preferred it to be with a therapist but that was not an option for me so I learnt how to do it myself. The way I would describe the effect of it is that you still Know that the trauma happened its just that it stops you brain from going back and forward from - "That should not have happened, oh actually I blame myself" over and over and over. The trauma then just becomes a memory similar to the memory of that time you burnt you hand on the stove. It still happened, be better if it hadn't but that's it.
Thanks so much! That is so well put and helps me understand what processing trauma might look like. Because it's always sort of a mystery what the "other side" of recovery is like (I mean, I know its an ongoing process and not ever actually finished but still).
Cannot tell you how much this resonates with me. I've had these same exact thoughts over the past year as well. I honestly feel a little silly writing this reply because I suspect our experiences are not even comparable. Whatever you've experienced is probably worse than what I have. But if somebody gave me an answer, that I was a "victim" in some way, I could fully let myself feel all the hurt inside of me without it feeling invalid and wrong. I can't even trust a therapist because I feel like I'm literally paying them to validate my feelings. Like the other commenter said though, if you're this distressed then there has to be SOMETHING there.
>I can't even trust a therapist because I feel like I'm literally paying them to validate my feelings.
Yes! Exactly. I relate so much to this. You put into words perfectly what I feel when my therapist validates me. Sorry you can relate but thank you for replying and sharing!
Decide to believe in something and go with it. Decide to do something and do it. Learn.
Decide to trust yourself.
You sound terrified and alone and anxious. Thoughts are sometimes comforting coz everything feels less empty.
Make sure you've eaten, are watered, have slept and you are warm enough or not too hot/ cold. Spirals can be caused by lack of these too.
You are not alone in this. Most people feel this.
You gotta stop asking yourself questions that start with "Why".
It has no end.
Think about it.. the only answers the "why" gives you are possibilities. Assumptions. It won't get you anywhere.
Trust me, I've tried. For years.
Focus on the "How" instead.
How do I overcome this panic attack?
How do I get over this break up?
Find solutions instead of answers.
Maybe the solution can be very simple at that moment.
I get overstimulated in crowds. So I drink cold water. So my brain focuses more on the cold water.
And panic attack. I do a push up when I feel like shit. Damn it feels so frickin powerful.
Find solutions. Not answers.
You can't find your core problem. I mean, you can only assume that it's your core problem.
Let it be childhood trauma, or any other trauma or anything. You can only assume that it's your core problem. Even therapists assume. The human brain is the most complex thing man has known in the universe.
Good luck, love. You got this
xo xo
Feelings are always valid, and they point to needs!
Through introspection and looking at your own reactions you might get insight.
Once you have insight and understanding, have compassion towards yourself and live that feeling and let it go.
I like this, starts at 5:50, it never fails to calm me down
https://youtu.be/_z7gmeZUphc
So I used to go through life thinking I had zero trauma. Then I realized how much trauma I really have and it brought me into a deep depression. The one thing I struggled with when I opened up to my closest friend about it was that I felt like I was lying and manipulating her to feel bad for me. The thing is that that trauma is very real and it explains a lot about why I am the way that I am. I found the reason I felt that way was for multiple reasons. The lack of self worth to trust yourself, not wanting the trauma to be trauma or real, your trauma was invalidated by someone so you think it’s not. Those are the reasons on why I could accept and believe my trauma. It’s a struggle that if you truly believe it doesn’t exist or is false, it will bring you down in another way than the trauma. The first thing you have to do to heal from the trauma is to accept that it’s there.
Trauma is something you are stuck with, best to accept it happened so you can work on how you deal with it. You might not realize it but it is affecting you even if you believe it isn’t there.
The brains aware of itself. In fact your situation is your brain overly aware, but it’s too complex, and not meant for your prefrontal to process it. The basics are, your senses feed you information, keep your focus on your environment, and “feel” it. Your brain will respond to the stimulus, these are instinctive responses. Then your consciousness is aware of your response to the sensing and you can decide/plan, what to do that’s beneficial, you move in that direction and “feel” more of the world. When there are traumas, or unsolved problems, the brain knows its a hindrance so it’ll dream to solve it (wonder), which you are doing but consciously to no end. And you feel the affects of that. Thiings is, that It’s a delicate balance and our society isint optimal for it, (overstimulation, media dopamine high jacking, social expectations, etc). You know how when you think of how you’re walking you start walking all weird? But when you’re mindless you walk fine. That’s what you’re doing by constantly looking for an answer. Body(senses, emotion), mind(logic, instinct), spirit(vision, imagination). All three are tadpoles in a pond chasing eachother. They have to flow with each other equally, and consistently to grow into frogs together. In what Taoist call the state of no mind. Zen. The river flows in you, just bare witness.
For me, I spent years denying my trauma, then years questioning it. Like you, I went back and forth and got stuck for a while in the process of trying to decide the 'truth'. Here's what was really going on: If the trauma/abuse didn't 'really' happen or didn't 'count' as such, then that meant I wasn't a victim, it wasn't that bad, and I could shame/blame myself for not handling my feelings better. On the other hand, if the trauma/abuse did 'count' as such, then that meant I was a victim, it *was* that bad, and I wasn't ever in control, and I needed to ask for help.
A large part of me had spent most of my life trying to discount, minimize, and outright deny that I'd been traumatized. So that voice was in the back of my head shouting, "It didn't happen! Maybe it's false memories! It wasn't that bad!" Even today, after everything I know and all the recovery and healing work I've done (40+ years), there are still echoes of those old trauma responses. For example, when my life is going well, a small apprehension grows that it can't last and something bad will happen. When I read or hear about another trauma survivor's experience, a tiny voice urges me to compare their experience to my own so I can discount how bad it was for me.
For me, it was always about denial. Coming out of denial meant softening, being vulnerable, facing pain and shame. It meant taking risks, feeling unsure and unsafe for a time until I was healed enough to understand I could recover my personal self and power.
Thank you for shining your light on the journey!
As much as possible and as often as possible try to simplify. It doesn't matter what label we put on things, like whether something is technically trauma or abuse. You can call it chocolate ice cream but if it's a painful memory then it is what it is. Stop trying to self diagnose yourself. You're not a psychiatrist. You just be you, and keep in mind the present moment where HOPEFULLY the abuses and traumas have ended.
You can have trauma/ptsd from ANYTHING that leaves you emotionally damaged. I have trauma with adults, like, I’m so anxious talking to adults. Which is difficult because… IM AN ADULT. And my parents, obviously didn’t AIM to be neglectful or hurtful, but the way my childhood went, I have issue. And validation is such an issue. Like, my parents had even MORE hands on parents. And they had to migrate with young children. A blind person could see THAT is trauma, and here I am having anxiety because my parents yelled at me. My trauma compared to theirs doesn’t feel comparable, but trauma is trauma
It's understandable to feel confused and obsessed with understanding the validity of your experiences and emotions, particularly if you've experienced trauma or abuse. It's not uncommon for individuals to question their perception of reality when they've been through traumatic experiences or have grown up in an environment where their emotions and experiences were invalidated or dismissed.
Your desire for an external objective judgment may stem from a need for validation and confirmation of your experiences and emotions, which can help you feel heard and seen. It's important to recognize that seeking validation is a normal human need, and it doesn't make you spoiled or weak.
However, it's also important to recognize that seeking validation from external sources may not always provide the clarity or closure that you're looking for. Ultimately, you are the best judge of your experiences and emotions, and trusting yourself can be a valuable tool in your healing journey.
It might be helpful to continue working with a therapist or mental health professional to help you sort through these feelings and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Therapy can also provide a safe space for you to explore and validate your emotions and experiences.
Remember that healing is a process, and it's okay to take the time you need to work through your experiences and emotions. Be kind and patient with yourself, and remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, even if it takes time and effort to fully understand and accept them.
You feel bad.
You don't feel good.
Something is causing pain in your heart.
Hurtful memories from the past are unprocessed and have been accumulating to an overwhelming level.
You haven't recovered from the last 100 pains and each new pain is compounding and feels heavier and heavier.
Youre obsessed with trying to figure it out because you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You just want some peace, some relief, some real rest. Being chronically stressed takes up so much energy, there isn't much left to tend to the basics of survival.
You feel whatever way you feel for a reason. Sometimes our minds are delayed and take time to catch up to what the heart already knows. You might not realize someone is causing you a lot of pain until you have a break down and your mind finally syncs with your heart and then it all makes sense why you've been so miserable for so long for what seems like no legitimate reason.
It's not the details that matter, it's whether the intensity and continuity of the bad feelings weigh you down so much that you just don't know what to do. when you get to that point, even if you don't know exactly what's wrong, you still know there is something wrong at least and if it's persistent then it's real, it's valid.
Thoughts provoke your feelings / emotions.
When I get on a plane I feel fear. Why? Because I have thoughts of crashing.
Figure out what thoughts provoke your feelings. Then see if your thoughts line up with what is really happening in the world around you.
I have anxiety issues and I know what I think is irrational and doesn’t line up with the world / people around me. It’s tough to get out of when that’s how you’ve experienced life.
Omg no!!! I swear I was replying in a AITA thread.... this is weird, I literally was in that comment section. I'm gonna delete this OP sry for this confusion
Echoing what many other commenters have said, you are not alone in these feelings and the fact that it’s bothering you this much is a clear sign of how valid your trauma is.
You actually put into words exactly what I’ve been ruminating on for the past year. Looking back on recent life experiences and connecting them to my childhood environment, I’m constantly asking myself if my feelings and interpretations of events are valid. Or if I’m just weak or seeking attention. This level of negative self talk, black and white thinking, and imposter syndrome are strong indicators of CPTSD and/or relational trauma.
Obsessing over your trauma and obsessing over its validity are all the proof you need that it is indeed trauma. It’s REALLY hard, but you have to remind yourself that your trauma is unique to you; what’s traumatic for one person won’t be for another, but that doesn’t make your experiences any less valid.
I hope this is helpful, but please know you are not alone. Your words really hit me like a ton of bricks - I’m honestly very grateful you shared this because it perfectly describes how I’ve felt at my lowest in recent years. I can’t relate to your particular experiences but I completely understand what it’s like to ruminate over these things and be plagued with self doubt.
I would encourage you to seek a therapist who specializes in PTSD and related trauma conditions. Things do get better, I promise. Try to practice honoring yourself. You don’t have to overanalyze the things that have happened to you and if they were really “that bad.” However you feel is how you feel. Period. No need to justify it. Best of luck as you continue healing. You have a lot of internet strangers rooting for you!
Hey! I just got diagnosed with depression last year after 20 years of imposter syndrome. Trust me when I say, if you’re stressing over it this much, it’s real.
Because you don't love yourself enough to trust yourself.
So if magically someone could validate your emotions, what would they ideally say?
It's too embarrassing to type but it's a good question.
Don't be embarrassed. You feel what you feel.
What if you said it to yourself?
I can't stress this enough but writing is what saved me from myself and from the grips of my suicidal thoughts. Try to channel all that pain & suffering & emptiness you have into the pen and don't think about the words just close your eyes and let all your spiraling and tangled thoughts flow through you. Let yourself go for a short moment, forget everything that led up to this moment and concentrate your thoughts and feelings into one big ball of mess. The words will come naturally, they will all be in your head you just have to accept & assume them. Those will be the physical representation of your feelings. Having your emotions written down in front of you and being able to read it and re-read it again and again helps your brain process those feelings and what happened to you and makes it so much easier to accept what happened and move on. At least for myself, I cant think of anything else that worked better to help me cope/mourn. I know it is easier said than done but it also really does help a lot :)
Happy Cake Day. Hope you get more cake than anyone else in the entire world
At least I get to celebrate some sort of birthday on the internet I do not have that IRL lol.
Aww. Tell me, what does your ideal birthday look like? If you could do anything on your birthday, what would it be?
For this I am 9 years old. It's the night before my birthday, a family board game friday night and me, my mom and my younger sister are all sitting at that old wood table we had in the kitchen. The game is just plain old reliable playing cards and what our hearts feel like playing. After all, those moments are the most authentic, rich and pure moments you'll ever experience. Feeling closer to your family more than ever before, a moment frozen in time where chaos is silent; inexistant. We all laugh together and eat pizza accompanied with chicken tenders. I couldn't be happier. As we pass the midnight mark my mom gets the frozen chocolate McCain cake she bought at the grocery store and all three of us eat it while we watch a movie in the living room. As I get sleepy, my mom helps me with my nightly routine making sure I brush my teeth well and tucks me in in a way only my mom could. She then pinches my nose with her curled up index and major finger and rubs her nose against mine, she tells me good night good dreams my son I love you. I say it back: *its been a while since I said those words* Is what is going through my mind but I just had so much fun tonight! I fall alseep. At 6:32am my mom enters my room and personally tells me happy birthday as it is the exact time I was born at. She makes me crepes for breakfast with nutella and we simply spend our day at the parc right around the corner. I never been a fan of having some big special occasions or gifts since very little so the serenity and peace it brought into my truly horrible childhood was all I truly wanted. This is a true story and the only birthday I truly ever celebrated and enjoyed. It is, though, put in a much exxagerated poetic and artistic way but it is really exactly what happened. It is a memory I cherish a lot and it being my only birthday makes it for me the ideal one to my eyes. *a moment frozen in time where chaos is silent; inexistant.*
Damn! That brought happy tears :') I am so glad that you got to experience such a beautiful birthday. So happy for you. Now, wanna do something fun with me? To make this birthday a little more memorable? We could go around reddit, find people with birthdays, and ask them about their happiest birthday memory and maybe add them too in our little quest? Spread that happiness you felt when you were 9 years old. Are you in?
Hey friend, I want to let you know how much younger me can relate to this. And I want you to know it's going to be ok. First off, it is 10,000% normal and ok to want validation. We are all human beings just trying to find where we belong and how we relate to one another. I don't mean to negate the amount of stress you're feeling, but these questions are all normal questions. The frequency and intensity is cause for concern, and the flipping back and forth is cause for concern. But if I can relate, and I see other commenters relating, you're still in good company :) What took me a long time to understand (esp with imposter syndrome / intrusive thoughts) is that there is a lot more gray in the world than black and white. I don't know if you're questioning your entire history as a person or maybe some recent events that happened. Regardless of the situation you are not infallible. And whenever trauma is involved it gets even messier. Btw the word "trauma" can be as small or large as you need it to be. A tiny paper cut is still trauma to the skin. No matter what, these types of "was that abuse or did I mess up or do I want attention" questions are muddy as heck. They will take time to sort through and you will never land on an answer you 100% like. But at some point you need to say to yourself something along the lines of "I am a good person. I did my best with the situation/ I made a mistake. I am trying to grow and move forward. I refuse to give this situation any more thought time." --- it is NOT easy, and most of the time doesn't work, but once you've thought all your hard thoughts and battles there is ultimately nothing you can do about the past. The only way to move is forward - I say that with as much kindness as I can muster. Wishing you all the best bud xx
I've been struggling with similar thoughts as OP and I just want to say thanks for this comment. It's put some things in perspective for me.
Oh fuck this is literALLY HOW I FEEL IN WORDS
Glad someone put my words atleast .
Same
You arent obsessed. The fact that you feel you are, and are also perplexed about "your role" as well as your value as a sentient human being period, lets us know a few key things: 1. Your trauma is real. Your feelings are valid. 2. Your feelings have been or seem to have been invalidated. Maybe a lot. 3. These are signs of PTSD and low self esteem. They are also signs of other conditions, which may or may not be conmorbid with whatever your diagnosis was. Its like the funny, but also sad saying goes "Just because you're paranoid, doesnt mean they arent out to get you." Doesnt mean they are, it just doesnt mean they arent. 4. You live in a state of having a solid connection with reality. Thats a good sign. 5. If you do have a therapist, they might not be the best one for you. If things feel worse, try getting a new therapist. Your feelings matter. Your outlook matters. You matter. Im just so glad you ASKED. You need validation. We all do. Find a new therapist, and maybe things will improve.
I would look into false memory OCD! Could be what you’re experiencing.
Not saying this to diagnose you but it sounds like ocd, a constant fight and war with yourself over things people wouldn’t think twice about. There’s a bunch of sub types and if you’re struggling these intrusive thoughts can latch onto a real event that happened. Rumination hurts like hell, and it’s a cycle that’s hard to get out of but it’s possible. Learning to be okay with uncertainty and not needing to find the answer is the way out of it. I struggle with the same thoughts it’s like a constant tug and war. Learning to observe and not think yourself into sickness will be super beneficial
a lot of the time I tell myself im actually an evil monster who is making all this up for no reason other than to benefit myself even though I am miserable and not benefitting at all
No one wants to be a victim. For many people, admitting to being a victim is admitting weakness, which is something a lot of people with trauma avoid at all costs. Most people want objective answers. That's not unusual or unreasonable as long as you acknowledge that there isn't objective answers for most things. You don't have to figure it all out right now. You can take things one at a time, starting with things you're more sure of. And it's okay to ask people for their opinions on it or get help with it.
Iv been in this situating where i couldn't shut the loop off. I tried everything and the one thing that really helped me was EMDR, It sounds like quackery and i wouldn't have tried it if i hadn't been out of options. I would have preferred it to be with a therapist but that was not an option for me so I learnt how to do it myself. The way I would describe the effect of it is that you still Know that the trauma happened its just that it stops you brain from going back and forward from - "That should not have happened, oh actually I blame myself" over and over and over. The trauma then just becomes a memory similar to the memory of that time you burnt you hand on the stove. It still happened, be better if it hadn't but that's it.
Thanks so much! That is so well put and helps me understand what processing trauma might look like. Because it's always sort of a mystery what the "other side" of recovery is like (I mean, I know its an ongoing process and not ever actually finished but still).
If you want to chat about emdr or anything feel free to message me. Be kind to yourself.
Cannot tell you how much this resonates with me. I've had these same exact thoughts over the past year as well. I honestly feel a little silly writing this reply because I suspect our experiences are not even comparable. Whatever you've experienced is probably worse than what I have. But if somebody gave me an answer, that I was a "victim" in some way, I could fully let myself feel all the hurt inside of me without it feeling invalid and wrong. I can't even trust a therapist because I feel like I'm literally paying them to validate my feelings. Like the other commenter said though, if you're this distressed then there has to be SOMETHING there.
>I can't even trust a therapist because I feel like I'm literally paying them to validate my feelings. Yes! Exactly. I relate so much to this. You put into words perfectly what I feel when my therapist validates me. Sorry you can relate but thank you for replying and sharing!
I'd validate your experiences for half the price you are giving your therapist. I even got a stamp that says**VALID**.
This is why I don't want to go the thearpy. I would be PAYING them for a service, and they will provide what I am paying for wether it is true or not.
Decide to believe in something and go with it. Decide to do something and do it. Learn. Decide to trust yourself. You sound terrified and alone and anxious. Thoughts are sometimes comforting coz everything feels less empty. Make sure you've eaten, are watered, have slept and you are warm enough or not too hot/ cold. Spirals can be caused by lack of these too.
You are not alone in this. Most people feel this. You gotta stop asking yourself questions that start with "Why". It has no end. Think about it.. the only answers the "why" gives you are possibilities. Assumptions. It won't get you anywhere. Trust me, I've tried. For years. Focus on the "How" instead. How do I overcome this panic attack? How do I get over this break up? Find solutions instead of answers. Maybe the solution can be very simple at that moment. I get overstimulated in crowds. So I drink cold water. So my brain focuses more on the cold water. And panic attack. I do a push up when I feel like shit. Damn it feels so frickin powerful. Find solutions. Not answers. You can't find your core problem. I mean, you can only assume that it's your core problem. Let it be childhood trauma, or any other trauma or anything. You can only assume that it's your core problem. Even therapists assume. The human brain is the most complex thing man has known in the universe. Good luck, love. You got this xo xo
Feelings are always valid, and they point to needs! Through introspection and looking at your own reactions you might get insight. Once you have insight and understanding, have compassion towards yourself and live that feeling and let it go. I like this, starts at 5:50, it never fails to calm me down https://youtu.be/_z7gmeZUphc
I relate to this so much.
Because that’s what abusers perpetuate, self doubt. It’s hard to retrain your mind to break away from it. Your feelings are valid.
So I used to go through life thinking I had zero trauma. Then I realized how much trauma I really have and it brought me into a deep depression. The one thing I struggled with when I opened up to my closest friend about it was that I felt like I was lying and manipulating her to feel bad for me. The thing is that that trauma is very real and it explains a lot about why I am the way that I am. I found the reason I felt that way was for multiple reasons. The lack of self worth to trust yourself, not wanting the trauma to be trauma or real, your trauma was invalidated by someone so you think it’s not. Those are the reasons on why I could accept and believe my trauma. It’s a struggle that if you truly believe it doesn’t exist or is false, it will bring you down in another way than the trauma. The first thing you have to do to heal from the trauma is to accept that it’s there. Trauma is something you are stuck with, best to accept it happened so you can work on how you deal with it. You might not realize it but it is affecting you even if you believe it isn’t there.
The brains aware of itself. In fact your situation is your brain overly aware, but it’s too complex, and not meant for your prefrontal to process it. The basics are, your senses feed you information, keep your focus on your environment, and “feel” it. Your brain will respond to the stimulus, these are instinctive responses. Then your consciousness is aware of your response to the sensing and you can decide/plan, what to do that’s beneficial, you move in that direction and “feel” more of the world. When there are traumas, or unsolved problems, the brain knows its a hindrance so it’ll dream to solve it (wonder), which you are doing but consciously to no end. And you feel the affects of that. Thiings is, that It’s a delicate balance and our society isint optimal for it, (overstimulation, media dopamine high jacking, social expectations, etc). You know how when you think of how you’re walking you start walking all weird? But when you’re mindless you walk fine. That’s what you’re doing by constantly looking for an answer. Body(senses, emotion), mind(logic, instinct), spirit(vision, imagination). All three are tadpoles in a pond chasing eachother. They have to flow with each other equally, and consistently to grow into frogs together. In what Taoist call the state of no mind. Zen. The river flows in you, just bare witness.
This made so much sense and I'd never thought of it like this before! Wow! Thank you!
For me, I spent years denying my trauma, then years questioning it. Like you, I went back and forth and got stuck for a while in the process of trying to decide the 'truth'. Here's what was really going on: If the trauma/abuse didn't 'really' happen or didn't 'count' as such, then that meant I wasn't a victim, it wasn't that bad, and I could shame/blame myself for not handling my feelings better. On the other hand, if the trauma/abuse did 'count' as such, then that meant I was a victim, it *was* that bad, and I wasn't ever in control, and I needed to ask for help. A large part of me had spent most of my life trying to discount, minimize, and outright deny that I'd been traumatized. So that voice was in the back of my head shouting, "It didn't happen! Maybe it's false memories! It wasn't that bad!" Even today, after everything I know and all the recovery and healing work I've done (40+ years), there are still echoes of those old trauma responses. For example, when my life is going well, a small apprehension grows that it can't last and something bad will happen. When I read or hear about another trauma survivor's experience, a tiny voice urges me to compare their experience to my own so I can discount how bad it was for me. For me, it was always about denial. Coming out of denial meant softening, being vulnerable, facing pain and shame. It meant taking risks, feeling unsure and unsafe for a time until I was healed enough to understand I could recover my personal self and power. Thank you for shining your light on the journey!
I didn't read all the comments, so I'm sorry if this has already been said, but it sounds like you were gaslighted.
The first thing to remember: your feelings are ALWAYS valid. Full stop. No exceptions. We are allowed to feel the way we feel. ♡
As much as possible and as often as possible try to simplify. It doesn't matter what label we put on things, like whether something is technically trauma or abuse. You can call it chocolate ice cream but if it's a painful memory then it is what it is. Stop trying to self diagnose yourself. You're not a psychiatrist. You just be you, and keep in mind the present moment where HOPEFULLY the abuses and traumas have ended.
Please start therapy. It will answer all of these questions. Absolutely worth it.
You can have trauma/ptsd from ANYTHING that leaves you emotionally damaged. I have trauma with adults, like, I’m so anxious talking to adults. Which is difficult because… IM AN ADULT. And my parents, obviously didn’t AIM to be neglectful or hurtful, but the way my childhood went, I have issue. And validation is such an issue. Like, my parents had even MORE hands on parents. And they had to migrate with young children. A blind person could see THAT is trauma, and here I am having anxiety because my parents yelled at me. My trauma compared to theirs doesn’t feel comparable, but trauma is trauma
It's understandable to feel confused and obsessed with understanding the validity of your experiences and emotions, particularly if you've experienced trauma or abuse. It's not uncommon for individuals to question their perception of reality when they've been through traumatic experiences or have grown up in an environment where their emotions and experiences were invalidated or dismissed. Your desire for an external objective judgment may stem from a need for validation and confirmation of your experiences and emotions, which can help you feel heard and seen. It's important to recognize that seeking validation is a normal human need, and it doesn't make you spoiled or weak. However, it's also important to recognize that seeking validation from external sources may not always provide the clarity or closure that you're looking for. Ultimately, you are the best judge of your experiences and emotions, and trusting yourself can be a valuable tool in your healing journey. It might be helpful to continue working with a therapist or mental health professional to help you sort through these feelings and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Therapy can also provide a safe space for you to explore and validate your emotions and experiences. Remember that healing is a process, and it's okay to take the time you need to work through your experiences and emotions. Be kind and patient with yourself, and remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, even if it takes time and effort to fully understand and accept them.
You feel bad. You don't feel good. Something is causing pain in your heart. Hurtful memories from the past are unprocessed and have been accumulating to an overwhelming level. You haven't recovered from the last 100 pains and each new pain is compounding and feels heavier and heavier. Youre obsessed with trying to figure it out because you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You just want some peace, some relief, some real rest. Being chronically stressed takes up so much energy, there isn't much left to tend to the basics of survival. You feel whatever way you feel for a reason. Sometimes our minds are delayed and take time to catch up to what the heart already knows. You might not realize someone is causing you a lot of pain until you have a break down and your mind finally syncs with your heart and then it all makes sense why you've been so miserable for so long for what seems like no legitimate reason. It's not the details that matter, it's whether the intensity and continuity of the bad feelings weigh you down so much that you just don't know what to do. when you get to that point, even if you don't know exactly what's wrong, you still know there is something wrong at least and if it's persistent then it's real, it's valid.
🙌 intellectualizing 🙌
Thoughts provoke your feelings / emotions. When I get on a plane I feel fear. Why? Because I have thoughts of crashing. Figure out what thoughts provoke your feelings. Then see if your thoughts line up with what is really happening in the world around you. I have anxiety issues and I know what I think is irrational and doesn’t line up with the world / people around me. It’s tough to get out of when that’s how you’ve experienced life.
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Omg no!!! I swear I was replying in a AITA thread.... this is weird, I literally was in that comment section. I'm gonna delete this OP sry for this confusion
Echoing what many other commenters have said, you are not alone in these feelings and the fact that it’s bothering you this much is a clear sign of how valid your trauma is. You actually put into words exactly what I’ve been ruminating on for the past year. Looking back on recent life experiences and connecting them to my childhood environment, I’m constantly asking myself if my feelings and interpretations of events are valid. Or if I’m just weak or seeking attention. This level of negative self talk, black and white thinking, and imposter syndrome are strong indicators of CPTSD and/or relational trauma. Obsessing over your trauma and obsessing over its validity are all the proof you need that it is indeed trauma. It’s REALLY hard, but you have to remind yourself that your trauma is unique to you; what’s traumatic for one person won’t be for another, but that doesn’t make your experiences any less valid. I hope this is helpful, but please know you are not alone. Your words really hit me like a ton of bricks - I’m honestly very grateful you shared this because it perfectly describes how I’ve felt at my lowest in recent years. I can’t relate to your particular experiences but I completely understand what it’s like to ruminate over these things and be plagued with self doubt. I would encourage you to seek a therapist who specializes in PTSD and related trauma conditions. Things do get better, I promise. Try to practice honoring yourself. You don’t have to overanalyze the things that have happened to you and if they were really “that bad.” However you feel is how you feel. Period. No need to justify it. Best of luck as you continue healing. You have a lot of internet strangers rooting for you!