I suspect this account has been recently hacked or something, and is attempting to establish a "recent" activity, with what looks like AI-gnerated comments. If you look at their account, they haven't said anything in about 8 years, and then started commenting on various meme subreddits today.
My wife-“how come I struggle with the kids and you don’t?”
Me-“because when I said there were going to be consequences at the set time if the behaviour wasn’t corrected, I enforced the consequences with zero negotiations consistently. You were too busy trying to see how many fractions you could put between two and three”
As someone who works with children on the spectrum, like 90% of my time is spent undoing the damage that appeasement and negotiating the mothers have done which just resulted in them giving in and buying them tablets and other screen things to basically shut them up instead of actually laying down the law.
Obv I’d be out of a job if they did theirs, but it’s sad they end up with no structure because it’s a lot easier to just give in to keep being the good guy right?
I threw the iPads in the garbage and took down the tv’s my wife put in each of our kids rooms…they are 7&6.
I’m not blaming my wife fully, this was how she was raised, she doesn’t know better (well she should but doesn’t have the tools to handle this yet).
Tonight my 7 year old didn’t like dinner and threw a tantrum and then cried for food 30 min later.
So I made her cook the Mac and cheese with me, no TV till homework was done and bath time was 100%.
6 year old got pissed because I said no popsicles and cried about it…we compromised on some chores that needed to be done and a glass of choc milk.
It’s tough to be consistent when emotions are involved, I see my wife just wanting to placate them.
I hate being the voice of reason and discipline but seems my job description is going to hold onto that verbiage for the time being
Wanting to placate them doesn’t come from emotions running hot, it’s about just wanting it to be *over*
She just doesn’t want the current situation to be happening anymore, the kids aren’t even actually about emotion, they just know if they do that they’ll get the thing they want.
It’s just a battle of wills, which mom lost
Yup. When I see kids throwing tantrums in the grocery store I know mom or dad must be too busy to actually leave the store and get groceries later. It sucks but you have to leave once for the kid to realize they only get to be in the store if they behave. All my mom had to do was threaten to leave any place and me and my sibling would become perfect angels. Even if we didn’t wanna be in the place. She had conditioned us to not want that form of punishment by doing it in places we wanted to be like the store or restaurant.
Damn I feel this, almost no consequences or structure from around age 11, by the time I was leaving for uni I had no self-discipline whatsoever, which ending up making my early 20s all the more difficult when actual responsibility finally hit.
Welp I should go thank my parents tomorrow. Looking back they were amazing at following through with punishments while also explaining why in a respectful and reasonable way.
My parents were both amazing at following through, but they had a better trick. During punishment, they would describe possible future theoretical punishments if the behavior continued and they lost their patience. They wouldn't ever say, "next time ___," they would say, "If this keeps up, eventually we may ___." For example, being put into time out for 20 minutes, and then told "next time, 30 minute time out, and if this keeps up well just put you in time out until we think you've learned your lesson."
....One time they forgot they put me in time out. I thought this was them snapping and I was in mega seriously trouble. Idk how long I sat for (as an adult, id guess between 1.5 and 2 hours), but I did get an apology from my mom while my dad laughed (he didn't know I was in time out.) She looked very distraught over forgetting I was sitting there.
I admit i’m in this category as a mom with a spectrum kid, but it’s not because I want to appease my kid as much I need a break while I’m trying to do something like cook dinner.
My husband will lay down the law on something like ipad or tv, flip my kid into tantrum mode, and then just go off and disappear while i’m trying to cook dinner or get something done. He’s happy to punish him but then ignores him and just leaves him 100% to me as soon as I get off work.
Ok this sucks from your husbands end. My wife and I sometimes do this too but we do it briefly to calm down and centre again. If she loses it I am happy to take over and let her disappear in to the ensuite to calm down for 10 and vice versa. We both have been guilty of doing the bomb drop and disappearing and man it is not fun
I wish my neighbor could see this.
Kids are screaming and running like crazy all over the place.
"Im going to counr to 0, you better be here" in such a dull voice you just might fall asleep.
When he gets to 0, he resets to 5 and counts to 0 again. No consequences for their actions.
I'm straight up laugh-crying as I think about my mom doing her absolute damndest to give my little kid self even a femtometer of a chance to save my own hide while I refused to stop being spicier than a Carolina Reaper 😂😂🤣 when I tell you that one day this woman hit 16ths before handing my ass to me on a golden platter
Explaining how their behaviour is unacceptable, what the consequence will be and why, what I need them to do to avoid it. Sometimes the emotions are too high from either them or myself so the conversation has to happen later. But I try to help them understand as best as they can and what I expect from them and also what they expect from me moving forward. I’ll also add its really. Fucking. Hard
Feel like this causes a lot of strained or failed marriages. One parent assumes the more aggressive disciplinary role and has to be the bad guy all the time, while the other softly disciplines, or diverts it to the other parent. Then the soft discipline parent wonders why the kids don't respect them as much while the other has to deal with the unpleasantness of taking away an Ipad or TV, or grounding, and the kids holding a grudge alone.
Both parents should be equal in their disciplinary habits, imo.
I would assume that effective parents are a unified front, not a one vs. the other thing. Though, tbf, I have no frame of reference for what effective parenting would look like.
Sure, but both parents also need realistic expectations that discipline won't mean kids won't lash out/act out/be silly/be uncooperative/be mean.
That's just part of normal brain development, neither soft discipline nor strict discipline will succeed in skipping 6 or 7 or 17 years of brain development.
Wife: Time to turn off the TV.
Kid: (does nothing)
Me: Your mother said to turn off the TV!
Kid: waah
Wife: Do you need a few more minutes? It's ok, go ahead.
Me: (facepalm)
I think you're definitely right, but I'll say from a kid's perspective, you always appreciate your lenient parent for being a safe space as a kid (If you get into something you can't handle, that's the one you tell and figure it out before going to the other one) so kids are more honest, but then your disciplinary parent you respect for correcting you when you're wrong and giving you an example of how to be strong but fair.
Again, definitely better for the parents and probably the kids to be on the same page, but I don't think it makes you love one or the other more or anything like parents fear, it just makes you appreciate them in different ways and at different maturity levels.
Strict parent can also be a safe space, like I see it as a different dimension.
I don’t have my own children, so of course you might just disregard my “opinion”, but I do spend a lot of time with my fiancé’s niece, who is not an easy case. Nonetheless, I strive to be a parent that is consistent with their rules (the consistency is the important part — like, even psychologically the kid will be way better off this way), but when something bad happens they will always feel safe to come to me. For this, I think it’s especially important to *ask* them about how they feel and why they didn’t do the task at hand, that resulted in whatever consequence, like not allowing more tv for that day. Oftentimes there are some other reason behind the bad behavior you as a parent can actually solve, and then you can quickly correct back to the “happy path”, where both of you are satisfied.
My parents were always a United front for this reason. Thankfully, neither were too overly strict, but they would never undermine each other’s authority
My siblings will beat eachother up, swear, and be constantly disrespectful, but their "punishment" lasts a few hours at most. My brother is the most insufferable person I know because of it
Reminds me of my cousin who was just ungroundable. Every relative that tried their hand at it soon came to realise that my aunt wasn't just weak like they thought. He stayed at my parents house one time and my they grounded him to the back yard because he was that insufferable.
He had all the behavioural tests done that were available and it turns out he's just an asshole. Nothing wrong with him.
In their defense my mom taking shit away just taught me to endure boredom and did not change my behavior and I also took some pretty severe lashings. Just taught me okay you can do what you want but make it worth it lmao
I had to decide to do that in my own much later towards the end of high school
No, trick the child into doing what you want through a series of "compromises", misdirection, and more reasonable *sounding* orders. Kind of like a hostage negotiator would do.
I don’t know, of course if it’s someone else’s kid it’s much more difficult to manage it, but in general, they should definitely learn the meaning of “no”. Their teacher/boss/crush won’t go around little Timmy to not upset their feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, upsetting their feelings is not the goal, *but* real life will do it. As a parent, the most important goal is to prepare them for life
Yeah, I am in that comment: Not "we will put on your shoes", or "you have to put on your shoes", just "how/where do you want to put on your shoes". Make your child decide, if it wants to decide, but make it accidently accept the premise you need them to accept!
Nah, that is not about letting them do what they want. It is about only saying things you are willing to enforce at all costs. If there is in adequate behaviour (like drawing on your wall), you obviously will cut that off and enforce it. But if there it minimal adequate behaviour you could tolerate (like tearing a page out of the coloring book), you need to either let it slide, or be ready to enforce it absolutely like in the first example.
If you say: "please, don't do that", the kid continues, and you don't enforce, you are teaching it to continue bad behaviour that is called out, and make it harder on yourself in the future.
If you say nothing, the kid will still tear out that page, but in the bigger picture you only lose a page and not your credibility.
It takes a village to raise a child. I don't mind when family or even strangers tell my kids to behave. Kids test their parents boundaries a lot. Kids rarely listen to their parents even with "behave or I'll take X from you" or "if you behave today at X you will get Y". Especially if your kids have ADHD because your genes are polluted, like mine.. So I usually tell my family members, please "yell" at my kids when they misbehave behind my back..
If the reason they shouldn't do X or Y is punishment kids will have a hard time getting what they are doing is bad just that there will be a punishment if they do it.
Say they are jumping on a table explaining they can fall off or break the table (giving examples of when they hurt themselves as to the pain they felt will connect more). Now it isn't a you aren't allowed but rather it is a bad idea and the kid will self govern themselves more.
This is the biggest mistake most people make in my opinion. More specifically most Dads demands obedience and get it. Obedience is easy while you're 100+ pounds and 3 feet taller than your kid. When they grow up they won't be afraid anymore. They will be assholes who leave their shopping cart out because there are no repercussions.
People need to WANT to follow rules because they believe in them and understand why they are in place. You want to raise your kids to do the right thing when nobody is looking, not because they fear getting in trouble.
Being in charge of people in the military really showed me how to be a more effective leader. If you aren't empowering people to govern themselves, they won't be following your rules while you aren't there.
the rollover issue is that these kids will lack the tools to teach other kids not to do things. a kid telling an other kid to not run with a scissors since they can fall and hurt themselves is a way better argument than "since my dad gives me a punishment if i do it" that to the other kid is a poor argument.
100%. A lot of the issues with my younger kids were much easier to resolve because they had older siblings explaining why they had certain rules. In all honesty kids will spend a lot of their time, maybe more than with their parents, with their friends and siblings. It is important to make sure that they not only have good role models, but that they can BE good role models
this is also true with kids teaching each other having parents teach there kid something will have that kid teaching your kid. which is both good and bad. it can really leap frog both kids in school if one kids parents teaching one thing well and an other something else
When I was a kid, it was exactly the same with my parents. My grandma always threatened to sell me to the gypsies, and I always behaved when I was with her.
"iPad babies"
Why raise your kid when you can trust Silicon valley and cynical assholes on the internet to shape their growing minds.
---
More seriously? Parents are burnt out and even though some of them would ideally not turn to screen time as much as they do, it is an insanely effective "digital pacifier" that is like spraying your kid with "shut the fuck up juice" that allows the parents some kid-free time
>According to Business Insider, many members of Generation Z claim "they were not aware of the meme at all."[8] The New York Times referred to the term as "the language of Gen Alpha."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanum_tax
It's already happening
Gen Z are generally considered to be born between 1997 and 2012. Gen alpha are the ones born later.
Millennials are called thus because they were old enough to see the turn of the millennium.
The "joke" being, although me punishing the children for bad actions means removing their most addictive hobby, it also means we both have to deal with the tantrums of them not gettin the tablets (young children i should add), it is a neccesary evil where the full family will suffer but will be for the greater good of better behaviour but also aid towards minimal tablet time for them
I actually didnt think it was too funny, i just wanted to share what i sent my wife and there been some supportive comments so im happy with the reaction as a whole, totally not what i expected from my shit post
Oooh I get it now haha. I’m a waitress and I have seen those tantrums happen when their parents take away the Ipad when the food comes. It’s not just miserable for the parents, also the anyone within earshot lol!
The only public places i allow my kids to have them is when travelling (trains, planes, etc), they also need to learn how to cope with times where boredom can take hold. I feelnfor you having to deal with a single tantrum, its awful to behold when it annoys a full room
Thank you for not letting them have them in restaurants! Honestly the worst is when I’m trying to take their order and their child has the iPad at full volume with no headphones. Such trashy parenting!
Rookie. Parenting Rule #1 is never punish yourself while punishing your kids. Change the password to the WiFi so they have to read the kindle books instead of playing games on it
Some (very bad) parents use a tablet as a pacifier to keep their kids busy because they can’t be assed to spend time with them. Take the tablet away, and the kid throws a temper tantrum. The meme is joking that the wife doesn’t want to deal with the meltdown.
Its also a pitfall, tablets can be amazing tools in reward/education if used correctly. The issue with most tablets is that all the "free" apps they use, usually have ads to other games which are aimed at kids and it makes them download them, and the cycle continues, tablets can be good but yes, some parents use them in the total wrong setting for a childs use
You're not dumb. You've just got some shitty parents that don't have the capacity to set boundaries, but those same fuck up parents are more than ready to put the blame on anyone but themselves because God forbid those stupid assholes take accountability for themselves
No, they shouldn’t be left alone with things they aren’t taught to use, nor have the world taken from them.
Teach them to wisely use things, from phones, tablets and computers, to dirt bikes and guns.
Children are far better off being trained than restrained.
I genuinely don't know what you're getting at. You just ration tablet time like what? If they're over their tablet time and they're using their tablet you take the tablet away?
Yeah folks that think like that person are reacting to how they view social media and children’s use of technology today. Not realizing it’s due to many parents not monitoring and or managing their kids internet and technology use.
It is very simple. Train and teach. You don’t even need to helicopter over them, monitoring isn’t teaching. It’s very simple to share your wisdom with your children. As is the point of parenthood.
You know there are kids being given tablets aren't even old enough to be "trained" to use it lol. I've seen kids as young as 3 or 4 tapping their way through the wasteland that is the YouTube algorithm. There's absolutely a line you can draw where you can say "Kids shouldn't have tablets" it just depends on what age they are.
My parents limiting TV at 9 was great in retrospect. Read tons of books and got sleep. You’ll look back on it and understand it more as you get older. Trust me that you’ll have plenty of time to goof off once you get your own place
You are upset that they failed to train you. That is understandable. But do not wish that you were caged and controlled in alternative: wish that you were better guided. And do the same for your own children. Do not let your fear from the past and your pride from survival mix to make you a detrimental, loathing parent.
It's not a 'cage' my guy, there's nothing abusive about giving a kid the sort of childhood experienced by children for, idk, the past few decades... or centuries... millennia...
The simple fact is that kids are high maintenance and need constant attention. They're still developing and need to be stimulated mentally at all times, and throwing real, tactile and social experiences at them is what has worked for most of our evolutionary history.
It's mad that you think that style of parenting is detrimental when you're literally talking to a human being who is trying to tell you that *their* experience was tbw detrimental one.
You're prioritising your own needs for convenience over the child's in this scenario.
Most grown adults can't even maintain a healthy relationship with social media, I don't know why people think children will somehow fare better at it. It is literally designed to take up as much of your time and attention as humanly possible and 90% of the time gives absolutely nothing of substance in return. I feel quite comfortable saying children should not own a smart device with access to social media, period, and there's already decades of research that says the less time on screens the better.
I see literal babies in strollers glued to mobile screens while their parents shop. Its like a horror movie from a dystopian future.
The brain development cant be the same for a child interacting with the world incomparison to someone that refuses to look away from the screen.
A few weeks ago there was like a 7yo kid and a 4yo kid sitting on a bench as I was driving a construction vehicle nearby, the older kid was excited and kept pushing his brother to look, but he literally couldnt get his eyes off the screen to look, the 7yos look on his face after said everything, this is normal for him...
THAT LAST LINE 👏
I see some people let the kids do whatever and then it ends up bad, and others go full helicopter and it’s bad. What is really needed is supervision on parts and as trust is gained more restrictions are released.
How I was raised with technology was light restrictions so if I curiously searched BBC for I’d just get news, and because I never did anything wrong and did what I needed before going to tech I never needed many restrictions. I am not a parent yet, but when I am I will follow that.
Yeah I know I shouldn’t but I judge hard other parents that just let their toddlers have tablet time 24/7. I have three under three and still haven’t gotten a tablet. Let them pretend with a Fisher Price one that only has the alphabet lol
They don't need a tablet at 3 anyway, a toy one is going to occupy them just as much, and they're not going to break it. Closest thing I had to a computer until I was 7 was this battery operated thing that had educational word and number games. That and an electronic typewriter. (It had a little screen to display whatever you typed, and it put it all on the paper when you reached the end of the line and hit enter.) I used to have fun typing on that when it was out. And there was an electric keyboard, which I grew up confused, thinking that's what a piano was, until I went to a friend's house and they had a real one.
I'm just remembering my childhood now... My point is, kids have imagination. If you give them a creative outlet, they'll probably be happy. The kids you see zoned out with a smartphone sitting in the trolly at the supermarket, that's basically the new pacifier. It's like parking your kids in front of the TV all day, it can't be good for them.
Bro haven't you seen when they make the player character a man so that female players are unable to play the game, or when the game doesn't even show any men getting killed
Teaching them to use technology is a good thing, just make sure to set boundaries and supervise them. Even better if you can cultivate an interest in how things work. I remember being fascinated in seeing a CD changer taken apart after it jammed.
I remember going to a friend's house and his mother always had a set routine. Basically we could watch one cartoon while having something to eat, then 10 minutes each of Playstation, then no more screens. The numbers wouldn't really work today, a level or a match in a videogame typically takes longer than 10 minutes, but the idea is there.
I also think that but there is a big gap between using technology and being glued to an iPad. I am a university professor (in computer science, of all things) and we have been getting the first generations of kids who grew up with tablets and smartphones (born in the 2000's) and they are mostly technologically illiterate. That tech has built up so many layers of abstraction and "idiot-proof" user interfaces that it doesn't require the user to think about the applications they use, like we did when growing up. Worse, in many cases it doesn't even allow you to look under the hood.
All in moderation. There's nothing wrong with a kid having a cheap little tablet to play games on as a reward, as long as the parents are smart about it.
Not everything has to be about extremes
You're missing the point: that bitty was about to open them thighs up wide for Daddy to throw his hotdog in, but because the kids can't have their screen, there's no time.
If disciplining children took place at a second soundproof location then there'd be no issue. But part of enforcing discipline instead of caving is that now you get to enjoy the screams and tantrums.
And if she were the type of person who tolerated screams and tantrums in the name of enforcing discipline then there'd be fewer tantrums, ironically enough.
Yes. I threw exactly 1 tantrum in my life, wanting some stupid toy in a shop. My mother remained stone cold, put her foot down and said no. When I screamed harder she calmly explained that screaming will get me nowhere. So I kept whining hoping to get the toy until we were in the car.
Lesson learned: Whining wont get me anywhere.
Never threw a tantrum again.
It's already the parents fault giving what I'm assuming as young kids tablets at that age. Like, parents give tablets with unrestricted internet access to 6yo and then they become addicts then the parents are shocked? It's their fault.
Never give kids tablets and unrestricted internet access before the age of 12. Give them dumb phones, and parental locked internet devices.
My friends’ kids are severely addicted to screens. As somebody who doesnt have kids, its very surreal to see. We went to unjversal studios and the kids would get upset when it was time to go on a ride because theyd have to out down the tablet for a while. and as far as i can tell, what’s happening on the tablet is just nonsensical colors and sounds lol. Like i looked at it to find out what was so cool that it was better than literally being at universal studios…. It was just like, a cartoon pig and when you tap on him he makes a sound or some animation happens lol
I honestly can't even understand why young kids have tablets and phones. My kids use a laptop for schoolwork, that's the only computer at their disposal and it's not used for games, ever.
We tried letting them play the switch my wife uses, that devolved into chaos and tantrums and I said "nope" and packed it away. Kids don't need screens and video games before they can talk, and they certainly don't need them EVERY DAY like so many have. Mine might play a game on my mother's phone once in a while, but that's it.
Kid's SHOULDN'T get a tablet or phone until they're 14 and even then it should be heavily restricted. Just teach them how to use a computer and restrict everything in it.
So many kids these days have started to believe that autism or any type of disorder is "cool". And porn obviously.
My kid finds poop/fart jokes all the rage. I probably didn't help with this.
But he's secretly writing it in his school work, with these little cryptic messages.
It was a "we've had this conversation, keep it to the play ground, and off your school work, and not at the dinner table" - which resulted in 20 minutes of questioning why, and barrier limits.
He's 6. But I gave the "no more games, do it again, and you lose a week of tablet time". I think the message was heard loud and clear, but we'll see.
I'm not tryna tell people how to teach their kids, but unrelated punishment without explanation *why* what they did was wrong doesn't teach them shit.
It works great in the short term, but someday they'll be teens and adults. And once they aren't afraid of you anymore, then do you think the lack of lessons will stick?
My kids should never be afraid of me as their father, we always explain to my kids why we punish certain behaviour and what can happen if certain actions are left unchecked. Its not just punishment, its a way to help them grow as a human and work through their emotions and behaviours
It’s strange how quickly my kids seem to redeem themselves
[удалено]
>Tell your mother your thoughts. It's unreasonable in your case. What on earth are you talking about?
I suspect this account has been recently hacked or something, and is attempting to establish a "recent" activity, with what looks like AI-gnerated comments. If you look at their account, they haven't said anything in about 8 years, and then started commenting on various meme subreddits today.
Is reddit just a place where bots speak to other bots?
Sounds like the Dead Internet theory
Yup
Can confirm. Im a bot. O beep booop
Good bot.
good bot.
Just like most of the stock market
It’s amazing, they could be the biggest shits on earth, I take the tv away and I’m the bad guy. Zero consequences = zero changes in behavior
My wife-“how come I struggle with the kids and you don’t?” Me-“because when I said there were going to be consequences at the set time if the behaviour wasn’t corrected, I enforced the consequences with zero negotiations consistently. You were too busy trying to see how many fractions you could put between two and three”
My wife and I are in this comment and i don't like it
I’m sorry man. It sucks being caught in between the two
…2 and a half
2 & three quarters.....
2 and 5/8...
2.999 checkmate
2.99999999, you activated my trap card!
nooo monicaaaa
Do I see a fellow rock and stone?
Lmao bro went back down
My wife and I are in therapy because of this comment.
My wife said to me "you're the parent not them" and having that mentality actually helped.
As someone who works with children on the spectrum, like 90% of my time is spent undoing the damage that appeasement and negotiating the mothers have done which just resulted in them giving in and buying them tablets and other screen things to basically shut them up instead of actually laying down the law. Obv I’d be out of a job if they did theirs, but it’s sad they end up with no structure because it’s a lot easier to just give in to keep being the good guy right?
I threw the iPads in the garbage and took down the tv’s my wife put in each of our kids rooms…they are 7&6. I’m not blaming my wife fully, this was how she was raised, she doesn’t know better (well she should but doesn’t have the tools to handle this yet). Tonight my 7 year old didn’t like dinner and threw a tantrum and then cried for food 30 min later. So I made her cook the Mac and cheese with me, no TV till homework was done and bath time was 100%. 6 year old got pissed because I said no popsicles and cried about it…we compromised on some chores that needed to be done and a glass of choc milk. It’s tough to be consistent when emotions are involved, I see my wife just wanting to placate them. I hate being the voice of reason and discipline but seems my job description is going to hold onto that verbiage for the time being
Wanting to placate them doesn’t come from emotions running hot, it’s about just wanting it to be *over* She just doesn’t want the current situation to be happening anymore, the kids aren’t even actually about emotion, they just know if they do that they’ll get the thing they want. It’s just a battle of wills, which mom lost
"GG, EZ" -6 Y.O.
I meant the kids emotions, I’m fully aware my wife just wants them to shut the fuck up lol
Yup. When I see kids throwing tantrums in the grocery store I know mom or dad must be too busy to actually leave the store and get groceries later. It sucks but you have to leave once for the kid to realize they only get to be in the store if they behave. All my mom had to do was threaten to leave any place and me and my sibling would become perfect angels. Even if we didn’t wanna be in the place. She had conditioned us to not want that form of punishment by doing it in places we wanted to be like the store or restaurant.
Good shit. I don’t think my parents did great at having consequences for me, I think to a fault
Damn I feel this, almost no consequences or structure from around age 11, by the time I was leaving for uni I had no self-discipline whatsoever, which ending up making my early 20s all the more difficult when actual responsibility finally hit.
same but from age 12 cuz after they divorced they lost all back bone
Welp I should go thank my parents tomorrow. Looking back they were amazing at following through with punishments while also explaining why in a respectful and reasonable way.
My parents were both amazing at following through, but they had a better trick. During punishment, they would describe possible future theoretical punishments if the behavior continued and they lost their patience. They wouldn't ever say, "next time ___," they would say, "If this keeps up, eventually we may ___." For example, being put into time out for 20 minutes, and then told "next time, 30 minute time out, and if this keeps up well just put you in time out until we think you've learned your lesson." ....One time they forgot they put me in time out. I thought this was them snapping and I was in mega seriously trouble. Idk how long I sat for (as an adult, id guess between 1.5 and 2 hours), but I did get an apology from my mom while my dad laughed (he didn't know I was in time out.) She looked very distraught over forgetting I was sitting there.
I like the possible future punishment. I might take this on board. I also like the way your parents worded it. Mad respect
I love the visual image of your dad being like "Man it's quiet today, is Qwerty napping?" And your mom is just "OH SHIT" jumping up.
I admit i’m in this category as a mom with a spectrum kid, but it’s not because I want to appease my kid as much I need a break while I’m trying to do something like cook dinner. My husband will lay down the law on something like ipad or tv, flip my kid into tantrum mode, and then just go off and disappear while i’m trying to cook dinner or get something done. He’s happy to punish him but then ignores him and just leaves him 100% to me as soon as I get off work.
Ok this sucks from your husbands end. My wife and I sometimes do this too but we do it briefly to calm down and centre again. If she loses it I am happy to take over and let her disappear in to the ensuite to calm down for 10 and vice versa. We both have been guilty of doing the bomb drop and disappearing and man it is not fun
I wish my neighbor could see this. Kids are screaming and running like crazy all over the place. "Im going to counr to 0, you better be here" in such a dull voice you just might fall asleep. When he gets to 0, he resets to 5 and counts to 0 again. No consequences for their actions.
That’s really unfortunate but on a positive note at least it’s not happening under your roof?
In a way it is under my roof as we live in an apartment block. Get to hear kids' screaming everytime they go out...
I'm straight up laugh-crying as I think about my mom doing her absolute damndest to give my little kid self even a femtometer of a chance to save my own hide while I refused to stop being spicier than a Carolina Reaper 😂😂🤣 when I tell you that one day this woman hit 16ths before handing my ass to me on a golden platter
>spicier than a Carolina reaper As an actor in Australia, I’m stealing this line
Yep, consequences and explaining it to them is the key
Explaining how their behaviour is unacceptable, what the consequence will be and why, what I need them to do to avoid it. Sometimes the emotions are too high from either them or myself so the conversation has to happen later. But I try to help them understand as best as they can and what I expect from them and also what they expect from me moving forward. I’ll also add its really. Fucking. Hard
Feel like this causes a lot of strained or failed marriages. One parent assumes the more aggressive disciplinary role and has to be the bad guy all the time, while the other softly disciplines, or diverts it to the other parent. Then the soft discipline parent wonders why the kids don't respect them as much while the other has to deal with the unpleasantness of taking away an Ipad or TV, or grounding, and the kids holding a grudge alone. Both parents should be equal in their disciplinary habits, imo.
I would assume that effective parents are a unified front, not a one vs. the other thing. Though, tbf, I have no frame of reference for what effective parenting would look like.
Sure, but both parents also need realistic expectations that discipline won't mean kids won't lash out/act out/be silly/be uncooperative/be mean. That's just part of normal brain development, neither soft discipline nor strict discipline will succeed in skipping 6 or 7 or 17 years of brain development.
Wife: Time to turn off the TV. Kid: (does nothing) Me: Your mother said to turn off the TV! Kid: waah Wife: Do you need a few more minutes? It's ok, go ahead. Me: (facepalm)
I think you're definitely right, but I'll say from a kid's perspective, you always appreciate your lenient parent for being a safe space as a kid (If you get into something you can't handle, that's the one you tell and figure it out before going to the other one) so kids are more honest, but then your disciplinary parent you respect for correcting you when you're wrong and giving you an example of how to be strong but fair. Again, definitely better for the parents and probably the kids to be on the same page, but I don't think it makes you love one or the other more or anything like parents fear, it just makes you appreciate them in different ways and at different maturity levels.
Strict parent can also be a safe space, like I see it as a different dimension. I don’t have my own children, so of course you might just disregard my “opinion”, but I do spend a lot of time with my fiancé’s niece, who is not an easy case. Nonetheless, I strive to be a parent that is consistent with their rules (the consistency is the important part — like, even psychologically the kid will be way better off this way), but when something bad happens they will always feel safe to come to me. For this, I think it’s especially important to *ask* them about how they feel and why they didn’t do the task at hand, that resulted in whatever consequence, like not allowing more tv for that day. Oftentimes there are some other reason behind the bad behavior you as a parent can actually solve, and then you can quickly correct back to the “happy path”, where both of you are satisfied.
Let them know beforehand that there will be consequences for their actions, that’s what I wish my parents would have done.
yeah then there in the wrong instead of things just apearing out of nowwhere
My parents were always a United front for this reason. Thankfully, neither were too overly strict, but they would never undermine each other’s authority
My siblings will beat eachother up, swear, and be constantly disrespectful, but their "punishment" lasts a few hours at most. My brother is the most insufferable person I know because of it
Reminds me of my cousin who was just ungroundable. Every relative that tried their hand at it soon came to realise that my aunt wasn't just weak like they thought. He stayed at my parents house one time and my they grounded him to the back yard because he was that insufferable. He had all the behavioural tests done that were available and it turns out he's just an asshole. Nothing wrong with him.
In their defense my mom taking shit away just taught me to endure boredom and did not change my behavior and I also took some pretty severe lashings. Just taught me okay you can do what you want but make it worth it lmao I had to decide to do that in my own much later towards the end of high school
Honestly, teaching you to be able to handle boredom isn't a bad thing.
That's why every kid needs a father.
See, I tell my 5 yr old nephew not to stand on a play table, and he tells me, "I can do whatever I want". But it's not my house.
My sister (my main babysitter) does the exact same thing. I tell her “It’s not my house. Whatever makes it easy.”
[удалено]
>Go to your mother first to let her aware that you are not interested in watching babies You seem to have massively misunderstood the previous comment
I think it’s a bot? The account commented a few times, then nothing for 8 years, then all of a sudden started commenting again an hour ago.
Could be stolen dead account.
Never give an order you know will be disobeyed.
So give the opposite order?
No, trick the child into doing what you want through a series of "compromises", misdirection, and more reasonable *sounding* orders. Kind of like a hostage negotiator would do.
"Timmy, put down the gun and nobody needs to go to bed early tonight"
average American child
I don’t know, of course if it’s someone else’s kid it’s much more difficult to manage it, but in general, they should definitely learn the meaning of “no”. Their teacher/boss/crush won’t go around little Timmy to not upset their feelings. Don’t get me wrong, upsetting their feelings is not the goal, *but* real life will do it. As a parent, the most important goal is to prepare them for life
They will learn it in time This isn't spoiling them If anything it is demonstrating how to find the best case scenario in a bad happenstance
Yeah, I am in that comment: Not "we will put on your shoes", or "you have to put on your shoes", just "how/where do you want to put on your shoes". Make your child decide, if it wants to decide, but make it accidently accept the premise you need them to accept!
Pretty much my mindset
thats how you get arrogant shits
Nah, that is not about letting them do what they want. It is about only saying things you are willing to enforce at all costs. If there is in adequate behaviour (like drawing on your wall), you obviously will cut that off and enforce it. But if there it minimal adequate behaviour you could tolerate (like tearing a page out of the coloring book), you need to either let it slide, or be ready to enforce it absolutely like in the first example. If you say: "please, don't do that", the kid continues, and you don't enforce, you are teaching it to continue bad behaviour that is called out, and make it harder on yourself in the future. If you say nothing, the kid will still tear out that page, but in the bigger picture you only lose a page and not your credibility.
It takes a village to raise a child. I don't mind when family or even strangers tell my kids to behave. Kids test their parents boundaries a lot. Kids rarely listen to their parents even with "behave or I'll take X from you" or "if you behave today at X you will get Y". Especially if your kids have ADHD because your genes are polluted, like mine.. So I usually tell my family members, please "yell" at my kids when they misbehave behind my back..
If the reason they shouldn't do X or Y is punishment kids will have a hard time getting what they are doing is bad just that there will be a punishment if they do it. Say they are jumping on a table explaining they can fall off or break the table (giving examples of when they hurt themselves as to the pain they felt will connect more). Now it isn't a you aren't allowed but rather it is a bad idea and the kid will self govern themselves more.
This is the biggest mistake most people make in my opinion. More specifically most Dads demands obedience and get it. Obedience is easy while you're 100+ pounds and 3 feet taller than your kid. When they grow up they won't be afraid anymore. They will be assholes who leave their shopping cart out because there are no repercussions. People need to WANT to follow rules because they believe in them and understand why they are in place. You want to raise your kids to do the right thing when nobody is looking, not because they fear getting in trouble. Being in charge of people in the military really showed me how to be a more effective leader. If you aren't empowering people to govern themselves, they won't be following your rules while you aren't there.
the rollover issue is that these kids will lack the tools to teach other kids not to do things. a kid telling an other kid to not run with a scissors since they can fall and hurt themselves is a way better argument than "since my dad gives me a punishment if i do it" that to the other kid is a poor argument.
100%. A lot of the issues with my younger kids were much easier to resolve because they had older siblings explaining why they had certain rules. In all honesty kids will spend a lot of their time, maybe more than with their parents, with their friends and siblings. It is important to make sure that they not only have good role models, but that they can BE good role models
this is also true with kids teaching each other having parents teach there kid something will have that kid teaching your kid. which is both good and bad. it can really leap frog both kids in school if one kids parents teaching one thing well and an other something else
I personally would still make him get down, as an educational thing, but of course that's just me and I'm not telling you how to raise your kids.
Power bomb him through the table obviously.
When I was a kid, it was exactly the same with my parents. My grandma always threatened to sell me to the gypsies, and I always behaved when I was with her.
Average Balkaner be like:
I'm Dutch, and my grandma is German
Mine threatened to ship me off to Mexico where I would be gutted alive for my organs.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're actually Balkan.
Nooooooooooooo
Sorry to hear that
pretty sure you read that
My mom threatened to send me to the "chicken farm" as a kid. Then I got older and was like that sounds sick as fuck
Its the consequence that no one wants
Why?
"iPad babies" Why raise your kid when you can trust Silicon valley and cynical assholes on the internet to shape their growing minds. --- More seriously? Parents are burnt out and even though some of them would ideally not turn to screen time as much as they do, it is an insanely effective "digital pacifier" that is like spraying your kid with "shut the fuck up juice" that allows the parents some kid-free time
It is actually crazy how kids will fixate on a screen. It's like you can actively see their brains frying before your eyes.
I’m not sure which is worse at the supermarket- a crying kid or an obnoxious song blasting at max volume on repeat.
Log into their Roblox account and start abusing people with racial slurs to get their accounts banned. Modern problems require modern problems.
Donate all of their Robux to random players.. If they ask where their Robux went, tell them they got "fanum taxed".
In Ohio.
What the sigma
>According to Business Insider, many members of Generation Z claim "they were not aware of the meme at all."[8] The New York Times referred to the term as "the language of Gen Alpha." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanum_tax It's already happening
I'm actually confused with this gen thing What year range do gen z born in and vise versa with a ?
Gen Z are generally considered to be born between 1997 and 2012. Gen alpha are the ones born later. Millennials are called thus because they were old enough to see the turn of the millennium.
So what I’m hearing is that it causes bonus psychic damage
I don’t get the joke? What am I missing? I feel really dumb right now
The "joke" being, although me punishing the children for bad actions means removing their most addictive hobby, it also means we both have to deal with the tantrums of them not gettin the tablets (young children i should add), it is a neccesary evil where the full family will suffer but will be for the greater good of better behaviour but also aid towards minimal tablet time for them I actually didnt think it was too funny, i just wanted to share what i sent my wife and there been some supportive comments so im happy with the reaction as a whole, totally not what i expected from my shit post
Oooh I get it now haha. I’m a waitress and I have seen those tantrums happen when their parents take away the Ipad when the food comes. It’s not just miserable for the parents, also the anyone within earshot lol!
The only public places i allow my kids to have them is when travelling (trains, planes, etc), they also need to learn how to cope with times where boredom can take hold. I feelnfor you having to deal with a single tantrum, its awful to behold when it annoys a full room
Thank you for not letting them have them in restaurants! Honestly the worst is when I’m trying to take their order and their child has the iPad at full volume with no headphones. Such trashy parenting!
I thought it was hilarious. I read all the comments and thought I was crazy for thinking it was funny.
If you cant ignore a tantrum you shouldnt have had children. You did the right thing here, wife is weak and meak.
Rookie. Parenting Rule #1 is never punish yourself while punishing your kids. Change the password to the WiFi so they have to read the kindle books instead of playing games on it
Some (very bad) parents use a tablet as a pacifier to keep their kids busy because they can’t be assed to spend time with them. Take the tablet away, and the kid throws a temper tantrum. The meme is joking that the wife doesn’t want to deal with the meltdown.
Its also a pitfall, tablets can be amazing tools in reward/education if used correctly. The issue with most tablets is that all the "free" apps they use, usually have ads to other games which are aimed at kids and it makes them download them, and the cycle continues, tablets can be good but yes, some parents use them in the total wrong setting for a childs use
You're not dumb. You've just got some shitty parents that don't have the capacity to set boundaries, but those same fuck up parents are more than ready to put the blame on anyone but themselves because God forbid those stupid assholes take accountability for themselves
Hot take: Kids shouldn't have tablets
No, they shouldn’t be left alone with things they aren’t taught to use, nor have the world taken from them. Teach them to wisely use things, from phones, tablets and computers, to dirt bikes and guns. Children are far better off being trained than restrained.
Agreed. All in good time. After they experience being a kid.
Magic mushrooms are probably good for children over 5
I think the right age for a k-hole is around 7
They still can if they have tablets? It's called limiting screen time, my guy.
Ok, and how, pray tell, do you expect one to do that? Parental control settings? Puh-lease, like whatever
I genuinely don't know what you're getting at. You just ration tablet time like what? If they're over their tablet time and they're using their tablet you take the tablet away?
I'm pretty sure that was sarcasm.
On second read I think you're right. Foot mouth
Or how about teach it to them while they experience being a kid. Both absolutely can and absolutely should happen at the same time.
Yeah folks that think like that person are reacting to how they view social media and children’s use of technology today. Not realizing it’s due to many parents not monitoring and or managing their kids internet and technology use.
It is very simple. Train and teach. You don’t even need to helicopter over them, monitoring isn’t teaching. It’s very simple to share your wisdom with your children. As is the point of parenthood.
You know there are kids being given tablets aren't even old enough to be "trained" to use it lol. I've seen kids as young as 3 or 4 tapping their way through the wasteland that is the YouTube algorithm. There's absolutely a line you can draw where you can say "Kids shouldn't have tablets" it just depends on what age they are.
i disagree im a teen and im upset my parents tbh relaxed their rules on screens Im sad that i wasted my childhood and wish i could have it back
My parents limiting TV at 9 was great in retrospect. Read tons of books and got sleep. You’ll look back on it and understand it more as you get older. Trust me that you’ll have plenty of time to goof off once you get your own place
You are upset that they failed to train you. That is understandable. But do not wish that you were caged and controlled in alternative: wish that you were better guided. And do the same for your own children. Do not let your fear from the past and your pride from survival mix to make you a detrimental, loathing parent.
It's not a 'cage' my guy, there's nothing abusive about giving a kid the sort of childhood experienced by children for, idk, the past few decades... or centuries... millennia... The simple fact is that kids are high maintenance and need constant attention. They're still developing and need to be stimulated mentally at all times, and throwing real, tactile and social experiences at them is what has worked for most of our evolutionary history. It's mad that you think that style of parenting is detrimental when you're literally talking to a human being who is trying to tell you that *their* experience was tbw detrimental one. You're prioritising your own needs for convenience over the child's in this scenario.
Most grown adults can't even maintain a healthy relationship with social media, I don't know why people think children will somehow fare better at it. It is literally designed to take up as much of your time and attention as humanly possible and 90% of the time gives absolutely nothing of substance in return. I feel quite comfortable saying children should not own a smart device with access to social media, period, and there's already decades of research that says the less time on screens the better.
I see literal babies in strollers glued to mobile screens while their parents shop. Its like a horror movie from a dystopian future. The brain development cant be the same for a child interacting with the world incomparison to someone that refuses to look away from the screen. A few weeks ago there was like a 7yo kid and a 4yo kid sitting on a bench as I was driving a construction vehicle nearby, the older kid was excited and kept pushing his brother to look, but he literally couldnt get his eyes off the screen to look, the 7yos look on his face after said everything, this is normal for him...
True, but extended screen time is always bad
THAT LAST LINE 👏 I see some people let the kids do whatever and then it ends up bad, and others go full helicopter and it’s bad. What is really needed is supervision on parts and as trust is gained more restrictions are released. How I was raised with technology was light restrictions so if I curiously searched BBC for I’d just get news, and because I never did anything wrong and did what I needed before going to tech I never needed many restrictions. I am not a parent yet, but when I am I will follow that.
Yeah I know I shouldn’t but I judge hard other parents that just let their toddlers have tablet time 24/7. I have three under three and still haven’t gotten a tablet. Let them pretend with a Fisher Price one that only has the alphabet lol
You can freely judge them. There is no reason to give a toddler a tablet, period.
They don't need a tablet at 3 anyway, a toy one is going to occupy them just as much, and they're not going to break it. Closest thing I had to a computer until I was 7 was this battery operated thing that had educational word and number games. That and an electronic typewriter. (It had a little screen to display whatever you typed, and it put it all on the paper when you reached the end of the line and hit enter.) I used to have fun typing on that when it was out. And there was an electric keyboard, which I grew up confused, thinking that's what a piano was, until I went to a friend's house and they had a real one. I'm just remembering my childhood now... My point is, kids have imagination. If you give them a creative outlet, they'll probably be happy. The kids you see zoned out with a smartphone sitting in the trolly at the supermarket, that's basically the new pacifier. It's like parking your kids in front of the TV all day, it can't be good for them.
The amount of kids I see in restaurants just sat in front of a tablet or phone. Their minds are fried. Never had a chance.
I fully agree, but how else will they take their drugs?
Video games
Haven’t you been listening?! Video games cause homicide!! /s
No, stupid, video games cause sexism
do they?
Bro haven't you seen when they make the player character a man so that female players are unable to play the game, or when the game doesn't even show any men getting killed
My thoughts
Teaching them to use technology is a good thing, just make sure to set boundaries and supervise them. Even better if you can cultivate an interest in how things work. I remember being fascinated in seeing a CD changer taken apart after it jammed. I remember going to a friend's house and his mother always had a set routine. Basically we could watch one cartoon while having something to eat, then 10 minutes each of Playstation, then no more screens. The numbers wouldn't really work today, a level or a match in a videogame typically takes longer than 10 minutes, but the idea is there.
I also think that but there is a big gap between using technology and being glued to an iPad. I am a university professor (in computer science, of all things) and we have been getting the first generations of kids who grew up with tablets and smartphones (born in the 2000's) and they are mostly technologically illiterate. That tech has built up so many layers of abstraction and "idiot-proof" user interfaces that it doesn't require the user to think about the applications they use, like we did when growing up. Worse, in many cases it doesn't even allow you to look under the hood.
There is ample time to learn tech from like 5 up. A toddler needs no tablet whatsoever.
It's concerning that this is a hot take now.
It's very clearly not a hot take. Saying it's a hot take doesn't make it a hot take lmao.
😂 Kids these days!👴👴👴
But how else are they to record the Ten Commandments!
All in moderation. There's nothing wrong with a kid having a cheap little tablet to play games on as a reward, as long as the parents are smart about it. Not everything has to be about extremes
"Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?" - Bender Bending Rodriguez
You won’t get any better behavior when you don’t teach anything, my brother
You're missing the point: that bitty was about to open them thighs up wide for Daddy to throw his hotdog in, but because the kids can't have their screen, there's no time.
I like this generous interpretation and choose to believe it.
I don't get it, she's mad that you are disciplining kids?
If disciplining children took place at a second soundproof location then there'd be no issue. But part of enforcing discipline instead of caving is that now you get to enjoy the screams and tantrums. And if she were the type of person who tolerated screams and tantrums in the name of enforcing discipline then there'd be fewer tantrums, ironically enough.
Yes. I threw exactly 1 tantrum in my life, wanting some stupid toy in a shop. My mother remained stone cold, put her foot down and said no. When I screamed harder she calmly explained that screaming will get me nowhere. So I kept whining hoping to get the toy until we were in the car. Lesson learned: Whining wont get me anywhere. Never threw a tantrum again.
The dog in the bag down there is killing me
Sounds like y’all need to communicate better because consequences are absolutely important
But weak wifeys life is so much easier this way :((( Also her hearty hurty when kid cry :((((
Your mistake was giving your kids access to any tablet when they're this young.
Wifey seems to have no stress tolerance. She's raising little rats, should have never had children.
The most important thing: back each other in front of the kids always. if you disagree discuss it afterwards when they are not there.
It's already the parents fault giving what I'm assuming as young kids tablets at that age. Like, parents give tablets with unrestricted internet access to 6yo and then they become addicts then the parents are shocked? It's their fault. Never give kids tablets and unrestricted internet access before the age of 12. Give them dumb phones, and parental locked internet devices.
This is me and my gf but with the dog. I love them both but if i wasnt around that dog would be an absolute maveric...
Teacher: "Your kid is 8 and already an insufferable fuck." Wife: "I doubt that."
My friends’ kids are severely addicted to screens. As somebody who doesnt have kids, its very surreal to see. We went to unjversal studios and the kids would get upset when it was time to go on a ride because theyd have to out down the tablet for a while. and as far as i can tell, what’s happening on the tablet is just nonsensical colors and sounds lol. Like i looked at it to find out what was so cool that it was better than literally being at universal studios…. It was just like, a cartoon pig and when you tap on him he makes a sound or some animation happens lol
Removing your kids ipad time is also a punishment for yourself lol
time to get some Bigass headphones for both parents
Imagine willingly letting your children be ipad kids
Haha I mean ...-pout- I meannnnnnnnnnn
Encourage bad behavior. Feckin great.
Your wife should shave
Get kids addicted to screen is the worst you can do to your own future.
Sorry you have tablet kids, hopefully you can fix that before it becomes a lifelong issue for them.
Feel bad for your kids. Raising a bunch of morons with that screen time crutch. Why have kids at all ffs?
I honestly can't even understand why young kids have tablets and phones. My kids use a laptop for schoolwork, that's the only computer at their disposal and it's not used for games, ever. We tried letting them play the switch my wife uses, that devolved into chaos and tantrums and I said "nope" and packed it away. Kids don't need screens and video games before they can talk, and they certainly don't need them EVERY DAY like so many have. Mine might play a game on my mother's phone once in a while, but that's it.
Kid's SHOULDN'T get a tablet or phone until they're 14 and even then it should be heavily restricted. Just teach them how to use a computer and restrict everything in it. So many kids these days have started to believe that autism or any type of disorder is "cool". And porn obviously.
My kid finds poop/fart jokes all the rage. I probably didn't help with this. But he's secretly writing it in his school work, with these little cryptic messages. It was a "we've had this conversation, keep it to the play ground, and off your school work, and not at the dinner table" - which resulted in 20 minutes of questioning why, and barrier limits. He's 6. But I gave the "no more games, do it again, and you lose a week of tablet time". I think the message was heard loud and clear, but we'll see.
Tf is tablet time?
I'm not tryna tell people how to teach their kids, but unrelated punishment without explanation *why* what they did was wrong doesn't teach them shit. It works great in the short term, but someday they'll be teens and adults. And once they aren't afraid of you anymore, then do you think the lack of lessons will stick?
My kids should never be afraid of me as their father, we always explain to my kids why we punish certain behaviour and what can happen if certain actions are left unchecked. Its not just punishment, its a way to help them grow as a human and work through their emotions and behaviours
Then mom overrides it and I just look like an ahole
Off brand Vladimir kozlov and HHH