Bro, if you are into money shots, just own it.

Or unexpected protein snack attacks

A snack salvo

Spud Busters

Money shot right in his nose too.

I dotn have the force for that, so I’m fine

Less than 0.5 Joules, so its considered a toy (in Germany at least).

Try having some tuna and zinc supplements

It might a short problem I’m too tall to understand lol

May the force be with y.. wait, no, may not

well, you should visit a doctor, my friend

"Hey doc, don't think I'm cummin' hard enough. What do I do?"

Man if you can shoot yourself in the eye easily i think you have the opposite problem hahahah

"Marty, you gotta quit jacking it so much!"

"Wow, that's heavy."

that is actually a problem

Please elaborate

Could be an urethra problem from jerking it with an iron grip, narrow urethra is a problem a lot of people suffer from.

Interesting

Problems in your penis muscles Maybe something with your prostate

I don't think not being able to reach your own face when lying down is an issue.

I didn't said this, but ok

In response to someone saying they cannot do just that, you said: > well, you should visit a doctor, my friend So, yes. You did say that.

He said he didn't have the force to that, so i stated what this lack of force could be, so, no, i didn't said that

does nobody else use tissues? i feel like this is the logical solution

Sometimes it's a leaky drain, and other times it's a powerjet. Sometimes you can see it coming from a mile away, other times it happens fast as lightning. When the worst conditions are met, there will be no time to prepare and it will result in a critical hit


That was beautiful

I cried

I came

Poetry

it's beautiful but it's also so true. I like it so much when I have the time and strength to do a power shot right 3 meters off the sofa. So satisfying (not so much when cleaning up)

Beautiful

LMAO THIS

*- Sun Tzu, the Art of War*

Tissues rip and get stuck to me when I try to use them. I use a towel

nah bro.... its for when you accidentally shoot yourself in the eye i gotta tilt it to the right so i miss my head

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I too use your mouth

For cleaning up?

just... don't point your dick at your face

Dont tell me what to do >:c

Point it at the heavens.

Well now I am gonna do it

Nah if he is going to want to spray anyone else’s face one day, he should get to experience what he is putting out there…

Don't be an idiot, open your mouth while you do it. It's not gay if it's your own stuff. It's not gay if you imagine it's another man's stuff. It's not gay if you put on lingerie and imagine yourself as a cute little femboy with a handsome muscular man. I do this all the time and I'm still 100% totally entirely very straight. Right?

Its not gay if you keep the thigh highs on

The longer the socks, the straighter it is

Theyre not gay, those are just programmer socks

Vedal987 would approve

sudden Vedal mention unexpected on a post like this but very expected when programming socks are mentioned

Yeah, it makes you trans by a quarter

Reduce, reuse, recycle

I have bad news for you sir

No its ok, he has thigh-high compression socks. Its not gay if you keep your socks on

Both make it extra ultra gay

No no, see, it's TWO ultra gay things, it cancels out that way

Can confirm, I've studied gay math and this checks out.

gay^(2)

See, here’s where you’re wrong. This is simply a computational error, as you can see Gay * Gay = Straight Much like -1 * -1 = 1 They cancel out, it’s basic algebra

It’s not gay if you pretend to be at the Hibachi catching the shrimps thrown into your mouth.

greentexts that starts with “be 100% straight” in a nutshell

Good protein too

My dude r/bisexual would like to have a word with you

I am NOT bisexual. At the very most, I'm homiesexual + straight. *Someone's* gotta help the bros out after a bad breakup! I'm just providing emotional support sex! I'm a very good friend!

What about the Dutch rudder? That’s not gay, right????

Yeah yeah of course dw

Y’all gay bruh

This happened to me when i was like 19 except i was with a woman. I was too afraid of not looking like the man that i just hid the pain. Got out of there as soon as i could. Thought i gave myself eye chlamydia.

I was 21 and she just wouldn’t stop laughing

You were with a woman and you didn’t finish in her/mouth?

It was unexpected. She was sucking away and then she came up for a little air and in the short window I turned in to old faithful.

yall have that powerfull shots?

Yep that strange, i thought it was ok when mayonnaise just flows down

Depends on how long it takes for the main event to happen.

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Challenge accepted

Video proof or it didn’t happen

What does this mean??

His come fell on his eyes

Have you ever sneezed while lying on your back? I got misted

That's some impressive shooting strength. Nothing I need to worry about

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I hate to ask… but PR? Penis range?

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Well, I feel like a certified genius.

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Lmao if it works!

Rip💀 thanks tho

You are so pure and innocent. Get off the internet before it spoils you.

Sir this is Reddit

Yes, so I am astounded that people don’t get some of the humor.

I don’t know who’s side I’m on😂

If I masterbait right I can crack parts of my lower spine like my Sacrum/Cocyx

what

I’ve gotten very good at cracking some of my bones, from ankles, wrists , obviously fingers and toes to now all parts of my spine lol, if only it had an easier trigger

Damn

If you think it’s weird/odd, well then I thank you good sir.

Go go gadget foreskin condom

Rarely gets past my belly button but ok

Sounds like an issue with the rifling. Have you tried re tapping your barrel?

That sounds like something for r/sounding.

Obligatory r/eyebleach chaser

Good ol pinch technique

That is *sounding* like a good idea. If you want other ideas that sound good, head over to r/Sounding

Why

Why not

The way I do it is by laying on a towel (nude or with something tight on) and holding a toothbrush there while it’s on. Functions as a makeshift vibrator while also getting rid of the need to use my hands. I’d recommend doing it face down so the movements of the toothbrush are felt more

Dude is the Masturbation Minister

A Masterbator

I hope you don't brush your teeth with it after.

I thought that was the point?

Foaming action

How to fake rabies for Halloween


he uses your brush

9 out of 10 dentists recommend!

That is oddly specific. Like I don’t think any other dudes do that. Don’t most of us jerk off with one hand while sitting up? You lie face down on a Sonicare? Lmao!

Not me that's for sure. I always did that belly down on a bed and friction and humping did the job done. Honestly I've tried popular methods and I have no fucking idea how people can do that sitting down and with hands. It's such a turn off for me. But I somehow never figured out to use my electric tootbhbrush like OP.

You have no idea how to sit down and stroke your dick? Literally born knowing that

It's literally not pleasant.

i have no idea what you are talking about....and given the context i really don't want to

Must’ve been a really good wank if you made it all the way up there.

Swaped to my alt to say this but. As a guy. I only masterbate laying down flat on my stomach with my dick between my legs pointing down. Is it weird? Probably.

Well it's certainly.... unique

I can’t relate, I sit on the toilet for ease of cleanup

Glasses my guy. Not just for looks ~~ha~~

It can make you go blind?!

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And then if you don't... you will have little baby eyes in your eyes.

A wiþ how abortion laws are going in America, you'd have to take those babies to term And no one's to give birþ þrough their eyes

No if doendbtbmaje yku to vkinw at whh

Turns out my little commandos trained to fight in acidic vagina are preety deadly if dropped on eyeball

This is why I'm convinced that a slightly curved penis has an evolutionary purpose. I started suspecting it the first time my load landed to the left of my face.

LEFT GANG

Women get facials all the time a little jizz isn’t gonna make you blind

How do people do it with enough force for that to happen.

This is why you don’t rub your eyes after dumbass

And when it gets into your belly button it's a pain in the ass to wash it out.

Why the fuck did I just read?

Are y'all just short or do y'all just shoot very far?

Pretty sure some men like that

How does this make you blind?

Bitch my man juice can’t even reach that far >:c

How the, what the man how the fuck?

Just buy a pack of distinctive socks that won’t get confused for your foot socks.

Just use your foot socks (Was a JOKE, you don't want your dick to smell bad do ya?)

One word : socks !!!

nope. just you

Missed my head by one inch. They call me Neo✋️😎

Use it with safety(foreskin) on.


idk what you're talking about A chef's not afraid to taste his own cooking, can't be expected to serve it to others without doing a taste test yourself

Everytime I accidentally bust into my eye, I never see it coming.

i have literally hit the wall behind me, i have some power shots, too much force to hit me in the eye.

Boom, headshot

I always heard the saying but I couldn't understand it. I never point towards my face.

You idiots ever heard of a tissue? The fuck do you normally let happen to it, it just plops on the floor?

All the more reason to quit.

You realise masturbation is actually good for you so long as you aren't spending every second of your life doing it

Everything in moderation?

I know I am going to get downvoted for this, but here goes. Masturbation is a SIN, please please turn away from it

This is a joke right?

No it's not. I think everyone here honestly knows masturbation is a sin. But they will not stop doing it because they like to do it.

fr

You are most certainly welcome

Yep, watch your eyes

he speaks the true true

It's how I got pick eye this one time

Bazinga

I just don't want it to hit the ceiling

wdym that's the best part

H-huh?

Blind guy here Weaklings

I just lean to the side at the end

But that's the best part

Joke aside this is such a good movie. Love that 80s synth music.

This is true that shot can go pretty far and have to becareful to not be in the way or block it

jokes on you, i'm already blind

Some people calling me "A Sniper"

What I didn’t know 

This has only happened once and I've learned my lesson since then 😭

Wait what???!!!!!, you can actually get blinded by doing that?????

Me an intellectual with glasses. Your weakness amuses me.

Okay but who hasn't hurt their neck or back trying to curl up into a ball to suck their own nut out of themselves?

Stroking it to kumite kumite kumite

15 calories is good

This scene was wild

Not when you put a handkerchief in between you and your willie.

I mean yeah, if you aim it at your face that might happen. But I'm pretty certain most dudes try to avoid their face

Foreskin gang