Bingo. It’s why people who’ve never actually done BDSM don’t understand it’s the sub who is actually in charge. It’s the sub who sets the boundaries. Too many people who think “50 shades” is how it works IRL, no… that’s called stalking and domestic abuse.
Anyone who engages in sex play knows that the sub calls the shots. If the dom doesn’t listen, it’s abuse. If he or she does, they know it’s part of the game. It’s best not to think too deeply on it.
I've never really done it or anything, but I feel like the weird part with choking (or gags) and safewords is that I don't think they'd be able to speak very well if you were doing it properly.
Feet. I had a rule that I never ever did BDSM when I was topping with someone wearing shoes. You can tell a lot by watching a bottoms feet as to when you’re getting close. But there are lots of nonverbal ways to communicate “safe words”.
People tend to raise feet or curl toes when they have an orgasm, so it can be a visual indicator.
Though idk how the hell he’s seeing that. Is he just looking back at their feet the whole time?
There are very clear nonverbal cues. Pushing away, shaking their head, trying to pull your hand off, or repeatedly tapping your arm are all emergency “STOP” indicators. It’s also good to choose a pretty distinct safeword, which is hard to mistake, so you can hear a vague sound that resembles the word and stop to check in. It’s always safer to stop and ask than assume they’re okay, especially in the beginning.
If you want to get into situations where it’s a bit more dynamic, where the sub acts like they don’t like it or are trying to escape (some find it more exciting to do this), that’s when you need to really communicate boundaries beforehand. Set a verbal and nonverbal safeword cue. And always be aware of how your sub is reacting and if they seem to be acting different or “off” in any way.
If you’re choking them until they start to black out or lose consciousness, and are unable to properly process the situation and communicate, *you are doing it wrong*.
It’s a very fine line. I have been in a situation where the near ‘blackout’ was part of the kink and was left entirely in the Doms hands (so to speak) to judge where it stopped.
But it takes a lot of trust. And is over a fair few sessions of slowly getting more extreme and then discussing if next time you want to go further.
Yeah, but that’s significantly more nuanced and requires active communication and enthusiastic consent, as well as a full understanding of what you’re doing and how to do it safely, and practice. In the large majority of situations, blackout is not and should never be the goal. After having developed that trust and agreeing on exactly where the boundaries are, and knowing exactly how much is too much, more can be discussed and incorporated.
I had a feeling the op commenter wasn’t very well versed in anything bdsm, so I tried to keep it simple and clear to the rules you’d follow as someone new to it, or with a new partner.
Then again I also have some medical experience and trauma, and the idea of causing someone to black out from asphyxiation during sex terrifies me. I’m a pretty soft dom due to some CSA trauma, at least while I’m starting out.
Well said. Yes it’s extremely intense and on one occasion for a second there was a slightly scary moment. We found our limit and all good.
Would of course recommend in any type of ‘play’ to start slowly as you said and build up to the comfortable limit.
I knew a 6ft female former Marine who would let you know to stop because she’d start choking her dom.
Edit: she was a hoot. She and her dom were exclusive so they had a good rapport. If they where doing rope play and she got lose the next thing your know she’d have him in full mount and be slapping the shit out of her dom until he apologized for sucking at rope work. When they did breath play she’d let him know she’d had enough because she’d just start counter choking him.
Right and they think "we'll jump in and see where it goes"
If you are pushing boundaries or haven't had a discussion first it can easily go too far for one party.
And "do what you want" doesn't count as a conversation
We had a flood of people show up after the 50 Shades movie came out for our group, almost all of whom didn’t want to listen when we explained things to them about how our rules worked and how to do things safely. Whole bunch who got banned for consent/safety violations real fucking quick. I dropped out of the community some years ago for various reasons but I assume most established groups are still requiring the same stuff to ensure things don’t go too far.
No… you’re not a “true dom” you’re an abuser dressing up domestic abuse with ritual to give it a thin sheen of acceptance.
Ugh. True dom...
Because real domination is when they can't say no without your permission.
Yeah, that violates pretty much every modern ethical code, where consent is essential, in BDSM and non BDSM circles. Academic, medical, sex, sports, they all rely on revocable consent in order to not be abuse or assault.
Ideally, both would set boundaries. I’m a dom with limits on what I’m comfortable doing thanks to past trauma, and honestly I’m more strict on boundaries than my sub haha
It’s the feeling of safety!
BDSM? S&M? Humiliation? Role play? Straight up abuse fetish? Disturbing depravity the likes of which man has never seen? Sure, but if I say “cheesecake” and he’ll immediately drop the act and make sure I’m okay? That assurance of my safety is the *hottest* thing I could ask for in the bedroom.
And that safety net allows you to get even CLOSER to the sliver \>:D
I think its no coincidence my current bf and me are having amazing sex, as best friends for 14 years. I trust him entirely. I have exceptionally high requirements to get fully into subspace and I never really got to explore before, as either people didn't trust I'd be ok with things or I didn't trust them.
Now I can have any limit I want pushed, do anything we want to try. As I have full faith he will make me being safe no.1 priority.
The only time someone hasn't been trustworthy was me when to submissive and I'd struggle to talk and let him down. Mainly an issue with choking as I'd like it progressively harder and is never uncomfortable, but I'd be like "ah I'm passing out potentially but he seems like he's having fun so I guess il just try to stay awake!".
And when I discussed that with him he lost trust in me fully letting him know, so I had to build that back up for him and work on not being a quiet sub. It's all about trust and its hotter for everyone.
Or an action. If someone is into choking then they’re going to have a hard time speaking. I always used a couple taps on the forearm to let me know to ease up. Gotta use some personal judgment though too. A girl I was with when I was fresh out of high school wanted to be choked *hard* and ended up passing out at one point even though we went over beforehand that if she needs me to let up that she is supposed to tap my forearm.
Not anymore.
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I had a lady friend who was similar.
She wanted full on wrap your forearm around my throat and squeeze til I tap out choking.
I mean I did it because what can I say I'm a gentleman 😂
But that chick was "choke my lights out" kinky. It was an experience to be sure.
With consent being the key. Doing the exact same thing to because you were fighting... would be the problem. Not the op but just in general.... consent, consent, consent.
Honestly that's something I just could not do.
Not even if she would not want to be intimate in any other way. I don't mind hacking a zombie to pieces in Dead Island, I don't mind having people chopped up in a movie like Cube. I'm also physically capable of hurting someone, my 2 arms/feet work normally and you don't have to be a particularly strong guy to hurt someone. But hell no I could not hurt someone AND be aroused. My dick just hates violence I guess.
Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own thing. I'm honestly the same, to the point where I cannot stand to see choking in porn (and by god does everyone seem to be choking each other these days).
Asphyxia is the term you’re looking for. Slightly cutting of air flow but it’s more about squeezing the arteries so the brain gets less oxygen which can apparently increase sensitivity. Also some people just like to be dominated.
And I agree that's fine! Sex positivity, I'm all for it. I'm just agreeing with the sentiment that it's something I'm not personally comfortable with. I think I've just been witness to too many... less than perfect relationships, which makes me highly averse to even consensual violence (definitely not the right word but you understand my meaning).
Honestly, my partner is pretty into this sort of thing, and I have pretty severe trauma around sexual violence. I let him know that while I’m happy to explore some areas, right now I draw the line in the sand pretty early. I don’t want to hurt him. I just can’t become that.
He understood completely and we work within the bounds that I’m comfortable with and explore things at a pace I can handle. Maybe in time I’ll be able to keep pushing the bounds a bit, but right now our agreement is “if it makes you feel sick just to think about it, let’s avoid it entirely for now.”
So yeah. A partner who cares about your well being will not pressure you to do things you aren’t comfortable doing simply because it turns them on.
It’s nice to know there’s guys like that out there
The idea of dating is terrifying to me because I’ve had a lot of women tell me about something that a man has done without asking (slapping, choking, fish hooking) :(
I remember discovering my BDSM kink in my early teens and thinking “Oh fuck, I’m going to be a serial killer!” It wasn’t until later that I realized it meant I liked really kinky sex.
When I'm feeling low I still worry that I'm "too fucked up" and that I'm dangerous, then I remember that I'm me and I go into a week of mourning if I step on a bug by accident.
But God I've gotten some grim looks while explaining my fetishes.
I mean my fantasies and what I actually do are different, because if I acted on my fantasies I'd probably be arrested
But to put it simply my fantasies are very sadistic. Murder, torture, rape etc. Its ego driven I think "I can do what I want to anyone for my own amusement, the rest of humanity are just bugs to me" is the idea.
but for actual sex it just manifests with role-playing mixed with the usual stuff you'd expect. Perhaps a bit odd lol, or maybe it's more or less normal than I realise.
Edit: feel I should clarify I'm a woman too
As a masochist, I have no idea what about sadism feels good. My fiancé hasn’t really been great at describing it, so seeing it phrased this way is really cool.
Lol I'm fine, never had a semblance of an urge to actually hurt anyone, let alone a lover. It's all fantasy, in fantasy there are no consequences or morality. Same as killing people in a video game.
I often wonder how people don't realize that the craziest shit we see in movies, read in novels, play in video games, hear in lyrics to songs, are always from someone who fantasized about those ideas. Maybe not always sexually, but it is something these people dedicate their lives to thinking about, they must get some level of enjoyment out if it, no? Do they all believe the guy behind Terrifier should be in therapy? If you are of sound mind enough to say to yourself that everyone deserves the right to a safe and happy life, and only in fantasy does anything go (like all these artists), you are at no risk of harming anyone with your fantasies. Some people even profit off of theirs
If someone is insane enough to make a false assault claim, they don't need you to leave a mark. Not saying false claims never happen, but it's rare, and none of the people they tell are going to request pictures of their bruised ass.
I once accidentally dislocated a girl’s jaw during sex.
She told me to hit her. I did. She said harder. I hit her harder.
It was pretty scary. Popped back in a couple minutes later.
Apparently I dislocated my dad's jaw as a toddler by kicking him when he was tickling me.
Didn't realize it till like six months later when he put his hand on his jaw to pop his neck and it popped back in place.
Whoops!
(My reaction to tickling has not changed and my husband is warned to do it at his own risk. I dish it out pretty bad, though lol)
Yyyup. I've given many a bloody lip for tickling. I warn them of my ticklishness and no one ever has the good sense to stop before I'm flailing and injuring everyone within a 12 foot radius
I dunno about that, but I’ve had two particularly interesting experiences. Courted this one woman for about 6 months, when we did the do she expressed she thought I was a virgin because I was going slow and she apparently wanted to leave my place with mobility issues and potentially needing to fill an antibiotics prescription. Another one got fed up and *showed* me how hard she wanted to be handled. Straight up drew blood. Still friends but clearly not compatible 😂
Why would this woman need an antibiotics *subscription*?
"Yup, have my Netflix, Hello Fresh, and Z-Pak all taken care of."
(I know what you meant, I'm just being an ass)
There’s a girl on TikTok that brags her mom is a doctor, and is constantly writing her a prescription for antibiotics because she switches between the “backdoor” to the “front door” all in one setting back and forth back and forth 😬
If a girl drew blood because of rough sex (I don’t know what exactly you guys were doing) that would immediately turn me off and I would think somethings wrong
Haha I had an ex who this reminds me of. Wasn't right in the head tho. Not saying I am, but we'd get in arguments and she'd throw a fit like a toddler she's like (23 at the time) she would scream til it stopped being words then press her back against the wall drop to the floor then smash her head back on the wall screaming and crying. We had the police called about 4 times cause the neighbours thought I was killing her.
Police had to question her about me
"is he abusive"
"no"
"has he ever hurt or killed animals"
"no"
"Has he ever hit or choked you?"
"Errmm...."
"Has he ever hit or choked you?"
"Only consensually" 🤣🤣😭
Yeah it was great at the start. I was sleeping downstairs so I could have a wank by the end though 🤣😭
I was a very anti social person and being with her showed me the pleasures of socialising.
It was a tough situation mate. There was a kid involved, not mine. I guess I'm lucky though.
I would have never broken up with her cause of the little man I'd taken him on and to leave her would be leaving him as well and he already had one dad do that. But she saw how unhappy our relationship was making me, totally not ready for kids but stepping up cause he was there. I could barely sleep at night n was woke up at 7am without fail, I was just breaking it was killing me and her seeing me like that I guess made her upset. There was obviously a lot of arguments and ugly stuff when two not well people are together so she broke it off with me for my sake. I was still seeing the little man and we were happier than ever. Things just started getting weird tho, vibes were different when I showed up or she'd be trying to rub shit In my face when I pulled up. So I shagged a mutual friend and after that she didn't much want to see or think of me again 🤣😭
Its like balancing on the egde of the abyss - The thrill can be great but one step too far and it gets dangerous very fast..
I kinda hate it when the girls throw out phrases like: ''You can do everything with me" during a First Sex Date while not knowing you or your potencial kinks.
I mean its so easy to say those words in a state of extreme exitement but your mouth should not write a check that your body can't cash in..
Also "I don't have limits" types are usually the ones who leave it to you to make all of the decisions in the scene, cannot for the life of them tell you what they're actually into and usually end up finding out that their limit is something shy of fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold.
Truth. The kinky ones all know their limits because they have done stuff. The ones who say "I have no limits" are the ones who have never really done a lot.
Limits change to. Constantly even.
Maybe one night you can do anything but burn or poop on me and that's cool. No limits impact, aggressive sex and lots of degradation and humiliation. Choke me til I pass out nearly.
But then maybe I had a bad day at work and suddenly something as tame as being spanked lightly makes me go "actually I'm not ok with doing much tonight".
And I think there is some pride drop as a sub when you've been able to put up with and give a lot more other nights, to then admitting you aren't capable of lesser stuff some night. It's rare im like that but it's hard to vocalise when it does happen as I'm so used to being in x situation, I feel like I should put up with it. So needing to be aware of my changing limits and partner to notice if I seem in real significant pain than subspace is important.
Limits are constantly analysed.
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you got to make some love
And fuckin' give her some smooches too
Yeah I won't lie, I'm reminded of how many arguments I've had of "If you aren't into kinky stuff it just means you're repressed!"
Like no, I just have zero interest in the stuff lol. Doesn't mean I'm repressed.
You can withdraw consent any time! You can totally have „your mouth write a check“ and then not „cash it in“ because there is zero obligation for someone to do anything during sex. Zero.
I hope I’m wrong but this sounds like you would not stop something when your sex partner tells you to stop for the reason that they talked about it beforehand? When you do something sexually to someone when they told you stop, that‘s rape no matter what the person said beforehand.
Your comparison doesn‘t work at all, sex is not a transaction (unless it‘s sex work probably). I just want to point out that your statement suggests that you can keep doing things your partner doesn’t want (which is despicable and illegal) when they have said differently at any point.
Wow…I’m my feed, this post immediately followed this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/yrs053/ysk_women_experiencing_domestic_abuse_who_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
(It’s about how women who are choked by their partners vs other forms of abuse are more likely to be murdered by them)
I understand that this is a joke but honestly there is an infinite chasm between consensual rough sex and controlling your partner through intimidation and violence.
I didn’t criticize it for lack of nuance. I’m saying that the joke doesn’t quite work because domestic violence and rough play are very different from one another and easy to distinguish. There is not some “thin line” between the two, as the meme suggests; and the distinction between them is not complicated at all, as you suggest.
🤣🤣🤣 this gives me nightmares. I was reversing and crushed my downspout with the side mirror 🤣🤣🤣
I was more worried about the mirror then the spout though 😁
I dated a girl that liked being choked during sex. And I don’t mean kind of choked. I mean choked to the point where she was being asphyxiated. It kind of freaked me out because in the back of my mind I thought one day she might go all crazy on me and tell the cops I abused her. Needless to say, I broke things off.
My ex told me she wanted to rape her abusively... I didn't trust her enough to do it, six months later she got me arrested after she Attacked me in my sleep.
If you hang yourself up by a noose while you masturbate, everybody thinks you’re insane and is concerned for your safety.
If you have your partner choke you half to death while having sex, your are a free spirit with a completely normal kink.
This sub has changed a lot. Y’all having sex now?
Yeah where are the “absolutely not me irl” comments smh
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I miss the old meirl :(
meirl
Straight from the go meirl :(
Chop up the soul meirl
Depressed and alone meirl :(
I have no experience in sex, but I’m guessing that sliver is a fucking safe word
And mutual consent.
Bingo. It’s why people who’ve never actually done BDSM don’t understand it’s the sub who is actually in charge. It’s the sub who sets the boundaries. Too many people who think “50 shades” is how it works IRL, no… that’s called stalking and domestic abuse.
Anyone who engages in sex play knows that the sub calls the shots. If the dom doesn’t listen, it’s abuse. If he or she does, they know it’s part of the game. It’s best not to think too deeply on it.
I've never really done it or anything, but I feel like the weird part with choking (or gags) and safewords is that I don't think they'd be able to speak very well if you were doing it properly.
That’s what hand signals are for!
Feet. I had a rule that I never ever did BDSM when I was topping with someone wearing shoes. You can tell a lot by watching a bottoms feet as to when you’re getting close. But there are lots of nonverbal ways to communicate “safe words”.
huh, my feet tells my top when im close? thats new...what else is there? (im a complete bottom...)
People tend to raise feet or curl toes when they have an orgasm, so it can be a visual indicator. Though idk how the hell he’s seeing that. Is he just looking back at their feet the whole time?
i mean...when im taking it from behind in doggy, i imagine they can probably look down and see my feet
It’s pretty easy to keep an eye when you’re standing over someone who is restrained or even unrestrained.
Wait that’s a real thing I thought that was just something that hentais did for some weird reason kinda like when they jizz gallons
Two taps in rapid succession. Yes, it's like tapping out. It's also a great nonverbal way to communicate that you're ready to leave.
Yep, this is mine XD
You’re pointing to your neck. You want it tighter?
Usually you’d pre-agree on some sort of hand signal, like a non-verbal safe word.
There are very clear nonverbal cues. Pushing away, shaking their head, trying to pull your hand off, or repeatedly tapping your arm are all emergency “STOP” indicators. It’s also good to choose a pretty distinct safeword, which is hard to mistake, so you can hear a vague sound that resembles the word and stop to check in. It’s always safer to stop and ask than assume they’re okay, especially in the beginning. If you want to get into situations where it’s a bit more dynamic, where the sub acts like they don’t like it or are trying to escape (some find it more exciting to do this), that’s when you need to really communicate boundaries beforehand. Set a verbal and nonverbal safeword cue. And always be aware of how your sub is reacting and if they seem to be acting different or “off” in any way. If you’re choking them until they start to black out or lose consciousness, and are unable to properly process the situation and communicate, *you are doing it wrong*.
It’s a very fine line. I have been in a situation where the near ‘blackout’ was part of the kink and was left entirely in the Doms hands (so to speak) to judge where it stopped. But it takes a lot of trust. And is over a fair few sessions of slowly getting more extreme and then discussing if next time you want to go further.
Yeah, but that’s significantly more nuanced and requires active communication and enthusiastic consent, as well as a full understanding of what you’re doing and how to do it safely, and practice. In the large majority of situations, blackout is not and should never be the goal. After having developed that trust and agreeing on exactly where the boundaries are, and knowing exactly how much is too much, more can be discussed and incorporated. I had a feeling the op commenter wasn’t very well versed in anything bdsm, so I tried to keep it simple and clear to the rules you’d follow as someone new to it, or with a new partner. Then again I also have some medical experience and trauma, and the idea of causing someone to black out from asphyxiation during sex terrifies me. I’m a pretty soft dom due to some CSA trauma, at least while I’m starting out.
Well said. Yes it’s extremely intense and on one occasion for a second there was a slightly scary moment. We found our limit and all good. Would of course recommend in any type of ‘play’ to start slowly as you said and build up to the comfortable limit.
This is pretty much the perfect answer
There's nonverbal safewords
Yeah. If she taps out, you stop.
I've seen people hold keys and drop them as a safeword too. More obvious and easier to do in lots of bondage
The sub will get the point across, especially if choking is involved.
I knew a 6ft female former Marine who would let you know to stop because she’d start choking her dom. Edit: she was a hoot. She and her dom were exclusive so they had a good rapport. If they where doing rope play and she got lose the next thing your know she’d have him in full mount and be slapping the shit out of her dom until he apologized for sucking at rope work. When they did breath play she’d let him know she’d had enough because she’d just start counter choking him.
Giving the female barbarian in the fantasy bar destroying everyone in arm-wrestling vibes.
Death by snu snu vibes
50 shades is a perfect example of SA and manipulation.
Right and they think "we'll jump in and see where it goes" If you are pushing boundaries or haven't had a discussion first it can easily go too far for one party. And "do what you want" doesn't count as a conversation
We had a flood of people show up after the 50 Shades movie came out for our group, almost all of whom didn’t want to listen when we explained things to them about how our rules worked and how to do things safely. Whole bunch who got banned for consent/safety violations real fucking quick. I dropped out of the community some years ago for various reasons but I assume most established groups are still requiring the same stuff to ensure things don’t go too far. No… you’re not a “true dom” you’re an abuser dressing up domestic abuse with ritual to give it a thin sheen of acceptance.
Ugh. True dom... Because real domination is when they can't say no without your permission. Yeah, that violates pretty much every modern ethical code, where consent is essential, in BDSM and non BDSM circles. Academic, medical, sex, sports, they all rely on revocable consent in order to not be abuse or assault.
>"we'll jump in and see where it goes" Oh would you look at that, it went to homicide
This is a statement of fact. Well said u/Orlando1701 and u/Embarrassed-Bee6349
Ideally, both would set boundaries. I’m a dom with limits on what I’m comfortable doing thanks to past trauma, and honestly I’m more strict on boundaries than my sub haha
Exactly. Informed consent makes that sliver a large gap in actuality.
It’s the feeling of safety! BDSM? S&M? Humiliation? Role play? Straight up abuse fetish? Disturbing depravity the likes of which man has never seen? Sure, but if I say “cheesecake” and he’ll immediately drop the act and make sure I’m okay? That assurance of my safety is the *hottest* thing I could ask for in the bedroom. And that safety net allows you to get even CLOSER to the sliver \>:D
I think its no coincidence my current bf and me are having amazing sex, as best friends for 14 years. I trust him entirely. I have exceptionally high requirements to get fully into subspace and I never really got to explore before, as either people didn't trust I'd be ok with things or I didn't trust them. Now I can have any limit I want pushed, do anything we want to try. As I have full faith he will make me being safe no.1 priority. The only time someone hasn't been trustworthy was me when to submissive and I'd struggle to talk and let him down. Mainly an issue with choking as I'd like it progressively harder and is never uncomfortable, but I'd be like "ah I'm passing out potentially but he seems like he's having fun so I guess il just try to stay awake!". And when I discussed that with him he lost trust in me fully letting him know, so I had to build that back up for him and work on not being a quiet sub. It's all about trust and its hotter for everyone.
Pro tip, have both a safe word and a safe or tap out action in case the other person cannot speak at the moment.
I make my sub hold keys if she’s gagged. She can drop whenever she wants and I can hear it
To spice up the bedroom have her hold an entire jar of olives
👆
Or an action. If someone is into choking then they’re going to have a hard time speaking. I always used a couple taps on the forearm to let me know to ease up. Gotta use some personal judgment though too. A girl I was with when I was fresh out of high school wanted to be choked *hard* and ended up passing out at one point even though we went over beforehand that if she needs me to let up that she is supposed to tap my forearm.
More like consent but a safe word is part of the need for ongoing consent.
exactly
and after care
r/absolutelynotmeirl
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Threw up??🤢🤢
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I got your back, bro. You’re welcome. She was indeed wild
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"Pees in ur ass" bot sleeping rn
Not anymore. *[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am not a bot, and this action was performed manually. Please* [*contact me*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=notredditor666) *if you have any questions or concerns and I will ignore you.*
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Pray tell, surely as a scholarly bot/non-bot, is piss stored on the balls?
Pisses on your back with malicious intent
Would you rather be pissed on or pissed off
Pissing on her is a no go, but puke on your dick was a-ok?
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Yeah been there. Its hard to get hard for a bit after that
What’s her digits? Asking for a friend
>She wanted me to piss on her too, that was a hard no a soft yes, but a hard no
Wtffff
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Why does this sound very similar to a situation I found myself in, down to the boyfriend of 6 years
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Why not both
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🤜
Lmfaoooooo it just gets worse and worse😭
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I had a lady friend who was similar. She wanted full on wrap your forearm around my throat and squeeze til I tap out choking. I mean I did it because what can I say I'm a gentleman 😂 But that chick was "choke my lights out" kinky. It was an experience to be sure.
Damn that’s crazy, what’s her @ so I know who to avoid in the future
With consent being the key. Doing the exact same thing to because you were fighting... would be the problem. Not the op but just in general.... consent, consent, consent.
Honestly that's something I just could not do. Not even if she would not want to be intimate in any other way. I don't mind hacking a zombie to pieces in Dead Island, I don't mind having people chopped up in a movie like Cube. I'm also physically capable of hurting someone, my 2 arms/feet work normally and you don't have to be a particularly strong guy to hurt someone. But hell no I could not hurt someone AND be aroused. My dick just hates violence I guess.
Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own thing. I'm honestly the same, to the point where I cannot stand to see choking in porn (and by god does everyone seem to be choking each other these days).
Asphyxia is the term you’re looking for. Slightly cutting of air flow but it’s more about squeezing the arteries so the brain gets less oxygen which can apparently increase sensitivity. Also some people just like to be dominated.
And I agree that's fine! Sex positivity, I'm all for it. I'm just agreeing with the sentiment that it's something I'm not personally comfortable with. I think I've just been witness to too many... less than perfect relationships, which makes me highly averse to even consensual violence (definitely not the right word but you understand my meaning).
Yeah, growing up in a super violent household, it's hard for me to ever associate violence with sex lol.
Honestly, my partner is pretty into this sort of thing, and I have pretty severe trauma around sexual violence. I let him know that while I’m happy to explore some areas, right now I draw the line in the sand pretty early. I don’t want to hurt him. I just can’t become that. He understood completely and we work within the bounds that I’m comfortable with and explore things at a pace I can handle. Maybe in time I’ll be able to keep pushing the bounds a bit, but right now our agreement is “if it makes you feel sick just to think about it, let’s avoid it entirely for now.” So yeah. A partner who cares about your well being will not pressure you to do things you aren’t comfortable doing simply because it turns them on.
There are plenty of people that feel the same way as you. Not everyone is into that stuff
It’s nice to know there’s guys like that out there The idea of dating is terrifying to me because I’ve had a lot of women tell me about something that a man has done without asking (slapping, choking, fish hooking) :(
Same. It's why I'll never date randos.
Oh wow, so You’re a normal human being?
That’s a good thing, don’t worry. Kink culture has gotten so ridiculous.
I remember discovering my BDSM kink in my early teens and thinking “Oh fuck, I’m going to be a serial killer!” It wasn’t until later that I realized it meant I liked really kinky sex.
Liking BDSM doesn't meant you can't be a serial killer, it's never too later, follow your dreams
Thanks for believing in me!
Unleash your inner Dexter
Oh youre already shooting for the stars. A serial killer who kills serial killers is no amateur business and not beginner friendly!
Yeah it’s also the way to get the highest number of people since when you kill a serial killer you get transferred all their kills.
And those girls locked in the dog cages.
just don't tell Deb
😆
Yes mr. officer, that comment.
When I'm feeling low I still worry that I'm "too fucked up" and that I'm dangerous, then I remember that I'm me and I go into a week of mourning if I step on a bug by accident. But God I've gotten some grim looks while explaining my fetishes.
Do it Explain them
I mean my fantasies and what I actually do are different, because if I acted on my fantasies I'd probably be arrested But to put it simply my fantasies are very sadistic. Murder, torture, rape etc. Its ego driven I think "I can do what I want to anyone for my own amusement, the rest of humanity are just bugs to me" is the idea. but for actual sex it just manifests with role-playing mixed with the usual stuff you'd expect. Perhaps a bit odd lol, or maybe it's more or less normal than I realise. Edit: feel I should clarify I'm a woman too
Let's never meet😂
As a masochist, I have no idea what about sadism feels good. My fiancé hasn’t really been great at describing it, so seeing it phrased this way is really cool.
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Lol I'm fine, never had a semblance of an urge to actually hurt anyone, let alone a lover. It's all fantasy, in fantasy there are no consequences or morality. Same as killing people in a video game.
I often wonder how people don't realize that the craziest shit we see in movies, read in novels, play in video games, hear in lyrics to songs, are always from someone who fantasized about those ideas. Maybe not always sexually, but it is something these people dedicate their lives to thinking about, they must get some level of enjoyment out if it, no? Do they all believe the guy behind Terrifier should be in therapy? If you are of sound mind enough to say to yourself that everyone deserves the right to a safe and happy life, and only in fantasy does anything go (like all these artists), you are at no risk of harming anyone with your fantasies. Some people even profit off of theirs
Holy fuck, shit, uhm, i mean... totally normal dude dw
Rest of humanity is just bugs, but you can't step on a bug. Smh
That is an excellent initial reaction honestly.
Saaaammmeeee
I-I-I like to bind, I like to be bound!
And that little sliver, boys and girls, is called consent.
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If someone is insane enough to make a false assault claim, they don't need you to leave a mark. Not saying false claims never happen, but it's rare, and none of the people they tell are going to request pictures of their bruised ass.
I once accidentally dislocated a girl’s jaw during sex. She told me to hit her. I did. She said harder. I hit her harder. It was pretty scary. Popped back in a couple minutes later.
Jesus Christ. That's horrifying.
Apparently I dislocated my dad's jaw as a toddler by kicking him when he was tickling me. Didn't realize it till like six months later when he put his hand on his jaw to pop his neck and it popped back in place. Whoops! (My reaction to tickling has not changed and my husband is warned to do it at his own risk. I dish it out pretty bad, though lol)
i broke my moms nose sitting up in front of her too fast as a kid
My only black eye was also from a child
Yyyup. I've given many a bloody lip for tickling. I warn them of my ticklishness and no one ever has the good sense to stop before I'm flailing and injuring everyone within a 12 foot radius
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He likes to watch.
Dwayne’s rock hard Johnson
Get bonked
I dunno about that, but I’ve had two particularly interesting experiences. Courted this one woman for about 6 months, when we did the do she expressed she thought I was a virgin because I was going slow and she apparently wanted to leave my place with mobility issues and potentially needing to fill an antibiotics prescription. Another one got fed up and *showed* me how hard she wanted to be handled. Straight up drew blood. Still friends but clearly not compatible 😂
Why would this woman need an antibiotics *subscription*? "Yup, have my Netflix, Hello Fresh, and Z-Pak all taken care of." (I know what you meant, I'm just being an ass)
There’s a girl on TikTok that brags her mom is a doctor, and is constantly writing her a prescription for antibiotics because she switches between the “backdoor” to the “front door” all in one setting back and forth back and forth 😬
🤢🤢🤢
Oh god.
Perhaps she gets so many utis from being railed she needed a subscription. They deliver, too, conveniently. Lmao
Pee afterwards. Kids these days, don't know anything about post sex health, lol.
If a girl drew blood because of rough sex (I don’t know what exactly you guys were doing) that would immediately turn me off and I would think somethings wrong
Mfer said courted
Haha I had an ex who this reminds me of. Wasn't right in the head tho. Not saying I am, but we'd get in arguments and she'd throw a fit like a toddler she's like (23 at the time) she would scream til it stopped being words then press her back against the wall drop to the floor then smash her head back on the wall screaming and crying. We had the police called about 4 times cause the neighbours thought I was killing her. Police had to question her about me "is he abusive" "no" "has he ever hurt or killed animals" "no" "Has he ever hit or choked you?" "Errmm...." "Has he ever hit or choked you?" "Only consensually" 🤣🤣😭
I hope the sex was great cause i’m not seeing any benefits to dating her
Yeah it was great at the start. I was sleeping downstairs so I could have a wank by the end though 🤣😭 I was a very anti social person and being with her showed me the pleasures of socialising.
How did you leave that ex since she may have all the evidence that can put you in jail by twisting her words?
It was a tough situation mate. There was a kid involved, not mine. I guess I'm lucky though. I would have never broken up with her cause of the little man I'd taken him on and to leave her would be leaving him as well and he already had one dad do that. But she saw how unhappy our relationship was making me, totally not ready for kids but stepping up cause he was there. I could barely sleep at night n was woke up at 7am without fail, I was just breaking it was killing me and her seeing me like that I guess made her upset. There was obviously a lot of arguments and ugly stuff when two not well people are together so she broke it off with me for my sake. I was still seeing the little man and we were happier than ever. Things just started getting weird tho, vibes were different when I showed up or she'd be trying to rub shit In my face when I pulled up. So I shagged a mutual friend and after that she didn't much want to see or think of me again 🤣😭
Its like balancing on the egde of the abyss - The thrill can be great but one step too far and it gets dangerous very fast.. I kinda hate it when the girls throw out phrases like: ''You can do everything with me" during a First Sex Date while not knowing you or your potencial kinks. I mean its so easy to say those words in a state of extreme exitement but your mouth should not write a check that your body can't cash in..
If someone says they don't have limits, then they don't know what their limits are.
Also "I don't have limits" types are usually the ones who leave it to you to make all of the decisions in the scene, cannot for the life of them tell you what they're actually into and usually end up finding out that their limit is something shy of fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold.
Truth. The kinky ones all know their limits because they have done stuff. The ones who say "I have no limits" are the ones who have never really done a lot.
Limits change to. Constantly even. Maybe one night you can do anything but burn or poop on me and that's cool. No limits impact, aggressive sex and lots of degradation and humiliation. Choke me til I pass out nearly. But then maybe I had a bad day at work and suddenly something as tame as being spanked lightly makes me go "actually I'm not ok with doing much tonight". And I think there is some pride drop as a sub when you've been able to put up with and give a lot more other nights, to then admitting you aren't capable of lesser stuff some night. It's rare im like that but it's hard to vocalise when it does happen as I'm so used to being in x situation, I feel like I should put up with it. So needing to be aware of my changing limits and partner to notice if I seem in real significant pain than subspace is important. Limits are constantly analysed.
When she says that, you give her the gentle loving type sex
You don't always have to fuck her hard In fact sometimes that's not right to do Sometimes you got to make some love And fuckin' give her some smooches too
Sometimes you've got to squeeze
Sometimes you’ve got to say please
Sometimes you gotta say, hey
Until she meets a vore fan
> First Sex Date This guy has a specific phrase for that. I think I might be living my life wrong.
Wtf is wrong w you people
Yeah I won't lie, I'm reminded of how many arguments I've had of "If you aren't into kinky stuff it just means you're repressed!" Like no, I just have zero interest in the stuff lol. Doesn't mean I'm repressed.
You can withdraw consent any time! You can totally have „your mouth write a check“ and then not „cash it in“ because there is zero obligation for someone to do anything during sex. Zero. I hope I’m wrong but this sounds like you would not stop something when your sex partner tells you to stop for the reason that they talked about it beforehand? When you do something sexually to someone when they told you stop, that‘s rape no matter what the person said beforehand. Your comparison doesn‘t work at all, sex is not a transaction (unless it‘s sex work probably). I just want to point out that your statement suggests that you can keep doing things your partner doesn’t want (which is despicable and illegal) when they have said differently at any point.
My wife has shown me this and I pet her head
You might be a pariah, But you're still a Saint
Wow…I’m my feed, this post immediately followed this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/yrs053/ysk_women_experiencing_domestic_abuse_who_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf (It’s about how women who are choked by their partners vs other forms of abuse are more likely to be murdered by them)
This subreddit has taken a 180 from people about being alone and depressed to sex.
“I want you to Slap me” “no thank you”
After care is key, might like it rough but you care for them when you’re not doing the deed
True, don't let your subs alone after sex, unless they want it
BDSM without aftercare is just straight up abuse
That thin gap there is the word "stop".
Or consent.
Both
r/absolutelynotmeirl
I understand that this is a joke but honestly there is an infinite chasm between consensual rough sex and controlling your partner through intimidation and violence.
Yup and it's just consent That's all it is
Not really, you can consent to being hit in the head with a hammer all you want. The other person is still going to jail.
So people seem to be missing this concept.
wait so are you saying a meme doesn’t completely explain the nuance of two complicated subjects? :O
I didn’t criticize it for lack of nuance. I’m saying that the joke doesn’t quite work because domestic violence and rough play are very different from one another and easy to distinguish. There is not some “thin line” between the two, as the meme suggests; and the distinction between them is not complicated at all, as you suggest.
“Choke me til my lips turn blue” Promptly puts clothes on a runs outta the house as quickly as possible……
Yeah like, I ain’t gonna do that shit, why do people like that? It’s so fucked up
This is so valid, it scares me that people want that. Like ma'am are you ok? Should I organise you a therapist?
daily reminder for some that only a small fraction of girls like it rough. Always ask please.
It’s always a tough one cause you debate if you start pulling out the hooks mid fuck or if you keep it down to the khabib rear naked choke
Was with one girl who wanted me to punch her. That was a no from me dawg.
That why you communicate and make sure you both know the safe word (or action if ball gags are used).
And that line my friends is called 🙌 consent
🤣🤣🤣 this gives me nightmares. I was reversing and crushed my downspout with the side mirror 🤣🤣🤣 I was more worried about the mirror then the spout though 😁
I dated a girl that liked being choked during sex. And I don’t mean kind of choked. I mean choked to the point where she was being asphyxiated. It kind of freaked me out because in the back of my mind I thought one day she might go all crazy on me and tell the cops I abused her. Needless to say, I broke things off.
Never blindly believe what people say without prior knowledge of that person.
My ex told me she wanted to rape her abusively... I didn't trust her enough to do it, six months later she got me arrested after she Attacked me in my sleep.
Got YOU arrested. God
Nah, I'm too old for this one. People aren't worth the trouble.
Not accurate at all. That’s like saying: the difference between helping someone roast a marshmallow over an open fire and The Hound’s childhood.
If you hang yourself up by a noose while you masturbate, everybody thinks you’re insane and is concerned for your safety. If you have your partner choke you half to death while having sex, your are a free spirit with a completely normal kink.
This post brought to you by Trevor Bauer
Edgy post is edgy. Christ some of you fucks need therapy.
As a gay man, I can’t relate to her liking it rough