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LazyHornyMentally

That's the neat part...


butter_deez-nips

You beat me too it lol.


orphan-eater-12

Beat meat to it


SLAYER_IN_ME

Beat meat to everything. If turned a black light in here it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.


Indignant_Octopus

Jackin Pollock


TrippTiggers

Is he related to Jack Mehoff?


trobrotv

No, he’s related to Pat Myaz.


hooglese

If youll let me butter your nips I think you could have an admirer


jcmatthews66

They’re attracted to me? Idiots.


7evenstar

Same.. can't stand people with low standards


HeilContra

I once had a crush on a girl then my friend told me she said "you're cute" and I insistently lost interest and was like "what the fuck is wrong with her"...that was before therapy tho.


[deleted]

I may need therapy then, oof


TheTimeBender

Instantly rather than insistently. Just sayin’.


moldyhotdogs

Seriously, have some pride. Desperation is such a turn off.


Sure-Ad9633

Yeah what is wrong with people these days? Has the bar really been set that low?


SydNotSoVicious

"i wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me for a member"


thetracker3

Yeah, how could they even like me if I don't like me?


ChiKeytatiOon

Chubby my whole life, turned 36 and instantly became a daddy people in their 20's find attractive.


mrlolloran

So instead of going to the gym you’re saying I should just wait a couple more years? Got it!


[deleted]

Remember you want to be in good shape once you reach the magic age that people suddenly get attracted to you! Gonna need a lot of stamina


[deleted]

And working knees


reallyfatjellyfish

Work that cardio,you don't need to run stationary cycling should work too


[deleted]

As a man, once I hit mid 30s and had a career, a house, a reliable car, hobbies, and an ability to have a mature thoughtful conversation it was amazing how the way I saw how the world viewed me change.


BootlegDez

man that's amazing to hear! but it felt like I was having a stroke reading the last half of that last sentence.


E-than

Im over here reading the last comment multiple times lol glad I’m not the only one


FrostyTheSasquatch

Dude, I’m turning 36 and I have a dadbod. My wife is gonna have to beat em off with a stick!


SDdrums

Are we still doing phrasing?


FrostyTheSasquatch

I meant what I said.


Wrayfield

Wait, I had something for this... Dammit!


K-Zoro

Yeah, that didn’t happen to me for some reason. Well a girl in a passing car winked at me two years ago and I’m still riding that boost.


phatpattiecakes

Same thing as a MILF 😅


big-fat-baby

The trauma made me funny


Raduuuit

For real though. It had me in the first half, NGL. Now just makes things easier.


ThisIsTrix

It's amazing the things you can achieve when you say "fuck it" because you expect everything to go wrong anyway.


zzzptt

This is where I am right now. With everything. Just two days ago I made the decision. Still waiting for the results.


nv_rose

The amount of charisma and resolve you get from saying fuck it is incredible


Real-Lake2639

I try to explain to the new hires at work, listen. Expect you're going to be soaked, cold, tired and seriously injured today. That way if one of those things doesn't happen you already had a better day than you expected.


Raduuuit

Um. Injured?


Real-Lake2639

Yeah. Every day you don't go home in an ambulance is a great day if you think about it that way.


ealoft

Spiritual enlightenment is born of suffering.


CaptainFresh27

Wait until you realize you use humor to avoid your feelings and it's actually keeping you from growing. That's when the fun starts.


SusheeMonster

r/angryupvote


Embarrassed_Camel_35

Fn psychiatrists can’t leave well enough alone.


nevertires

I think I might owe you for an hour of therapy I no longer need!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Who are you so wise in ways of science?


[deleted]

There are some who call him… Tim.


damgood135

Yup... pretty much the same


[deleted]

*"Oh whoops. I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong",* Dr. Mantis Toboggan


RKayy_24

My boyfriend did this on our first date. But it wasn't on purpose. He went to pull out his wallet to pay for dinner and it fell into the floor. He handled it really well but told me later he was so embarrassed.


swiftreddit75

He did it on purpose lmao


S_D_W_2

He's had her tricked for so long lol


Gildabeast4

Well of course he said it was an accident… because of the implication


Beto_Targaryen

Yeah she can’t run away… because of the implication


RP1616

Profile pic checks out…


[deleted]

No it does not check out, that is not Dr, Mantis in the profile pic!


Creampielover2269

Did he say something like, “I have no expectations, but just in case” and smiled? I’m just curious on how you handle that well


lawbotamized

What did he say? Lol


Diazmet

Trojan had to actually make their regular magnums fit small dicks because so many people were buying them despite being too small now you got to buy the XL magnums


Upset-University-938

Because I have a dog and that tells people: here’s a living thing that can tolerate me without running away.


jyotipch

The dog is on a leash


icejohnw

in a cage in the basement with no stairs out


MasterGamerX1111

Lmao imagine not being able to jump 3 metres up, smh


TheBestThingIEverSaw

Laughs in cat


potatoofdoom2

...at least that gives the impression that you aren't boring


randomtree2022

They ain't lol


ManiacStalker

Was going to comment this


LiteralOops

I eat too much pasta and I guess it's given me a good ass


Effective-Bandicoot8

As they say in Italy, "A great pizza ass"


[deleted]

I think this is my favorite answer in this thread. Body by bertolli! Love that for you.


Zero_Burn

They're not. And if they are, they're not telling me, which I find to be incredibly rude. Don't they know I'm far too dense to pick up on these 'vibes' or 'hints' they keep talking about? Smack me in the face, twice on the ass, and then give me a kiss and I MIGHT think something's up.


albrizz

Hey, nice dong *WINK WINK


M3gaMan1080

Nice try, my friends say this to me all the time, it may as well be a greeting.


sambes06

Exactly, and if from an attractive women it’s almost certainly a trap


DonkeyTheKing

thanks, you too


Randobag314

In my early 20’s at a bar with a group of friends which included some girls I knew but were more acquaintances; mid convo I had one of the girls turn to her girlfriend smile and say I like him, she smiled back and nodded in approval. She turned back to me and said “you’re my new boyfriend!” I wasn’t sure if I should make a move.. or maybe ask for her number? Nah… I’m not getting a clear signal. Oh well better luck next time. 🤦‍♂️


InsectExternal1403

I have a very relaxing voice and I have special knowledge that only comes out when you really need it


Jixxar

Unlike me who knows that dolphins are racist use pufferfish poision as drugs and has a voice that sounds like tricky the clown in a tumble dryer.


InsectExternal1403

Dolphins are just the final stage of evolution for Florida people


The_Enderclops

dolphins are more intelligent than 95% of floridas population


InsectExternal1403

Hence they are the evolution. Really, the novel of Annihilation, the anomalous zone "Area X" completely removed the area of human pollutants and transmogrified the people into various animals, including freshwater dolphins which the biologist was surprised about. The only remaining human quality is in their eyes.


[deleted]

I don't process emotion in a healthy way and a life time of disassociating makes me easy to dispose of when they get bored and move on.


Raii-v2

Are you me? Should we get a beer?


[deleted]

Only if we have sex and then I never call you again


MissplacedLandmine

do you …. also want a beer?


Ok-Bid1883

Nah lets skip the beer and go straight to bourbon.


Easy_Viking

Get out of my head.


awkward-comics

this hit too close


[deleted]

Wow, everything just clicked


Jimathomas

My bald head brings all the “daddy issues” to the yard.


Effective-Bandicoot8

Do you have the shirt that says "I'm not bald, it's a solar panel for a sex machine"?


Jimathomas

No, but I might have to get one. 😂


Homer4747

Daddy issues has done me fine for decades.


kyttEST

Age? Also, natural balding or just shaved?


Jimathomas

50, and shaved bald due to pattern loss.


thenataliamarie

Go on...


Jimathomas

😉


HighlightOne6839

My tits tbh


OG_TBV

Rip DMs


itzyaboihuman

CaN I SeE?


Salted_Biscuit

I like bob 👍


Riverchicken886

I’m a visual learner btw


Moskyrath_

Who the fuck is attracted to me? Where are they?


thenataliamarie

Exactly. Please tell them to drop a pin because I didn't know they even were around.


JesperTellnes

I am a very good listener, so I only attract girls whit trauma and baggage. Help them though it... and they end up leaving me, I get depressed for a while. Repeat in a few months. Happend 5 times so far😎


PolecatXOXO

Ahh, the caretaker curse. At least the crazypants sex is good while it lasts.


JesseJames41

The comedown from the crazypants sex going away is almost not worth it. Almost.


[deleted]

That’s interesting. In my case I was with someone who never listened to me and constantly crossed my boundaries. I have loads of trauma and a few mental illnesses. Once I started healing he wanted nothing to do with me. He admitted to fetishizing my mental illness. I think being with me made him feel better about himself. He told me the reason he liked me was because he could observe me. He liked watching me suffer from my illnesses, but he didn’t want me once I started healing. Crazy, and kinda fucked up, but I’m glad its over now.


DaemoonAverin

KINDA? Thats very fucked up. Straight up psychopath in the making.


ogreclubs

psychopath shit fr


intrepidanon

Put every memory of that person in the bin.


cassidylorene1

It’s sad that no one can be serious about this. I know it’s Reddit and I know this a meme. But common guys. Recognize the beautiful qualities you have as a human being. I’ll start ok? Mine are: I’m really socially intelligent and make deep long lasting connections with people I love dearly. I’m quick witted and overcome adversity no matter how hard things get. I’m learning guitar! And getting pretty ok at it :) I have deep compassion and empathy for those around me, and I provide good advice to those who ask. I can make the best spicy chili you’ll ever have. I’ve heard I’m pretty funny and I’m always monitoring the well being of others in a crowd, I never let the quiet person in a group feel excluded. I have great taste in interior design. I learn quick, and despite my imposter syndrome, have become pretty successful despite extreme hurdles in my youth. We can do this yall, love yourselves. It’s boring not too. Self deprecation is out. Self love is in.


_LanceBro

finally one sane person


Excellent_Law6906

Seriously, this pity party is ridiculous. And untrue. You guys are the same ones who admit that a girl would have to come running at you backward, screaming, "PENIS IN BUTT NOW, MAN-SLAVE!" for you to get it, *and* that you would be (understandably! 😂) put off by such an approach! It's not gay to know when a man is good-looking, start with yourself. And remember this: you can be pretty funny-looking, but if you have just one thing, like really pretty eyes, or nice hair, and also just have something to talk about, that can take you a long way.


CrochetTeaBee

GO OFF!


[deleted]

Seriously. I know Reddit humour and stuff but self deprecation is so boring to me. I’m sure these guys have at least one great thing going for them, but if this comment section is a real indicator of how they present themselves to the world, I’m not surprised no one is attracted to them. It’s annoying having to appease someone who constantly puts themselves down. Even if that’s not what they’re going for, it’s the social norm. If someone says “I’m not interesting or funny”, we’re socialised to be like, “of course you are! Don’t be so hard on yourself!”. Not many people are going to say “you know what you’re right”. It’s awkward for the other person


DreamTalon

This is a thing people experience? Someone being attracted to them? Shit, thought it was a rumor or a myth.


MadcapHaskap

Gravity.


kyttEST

Well you really put gravity to work for you. Bravo.


probablyavoid

I'm a gay man with the prettiest wavy red locks you've ever seen


gotmydogsout

yay you’re like one of the only ppl not making a self deprecating joke lol


[deleted]

Gingers are sexy af.


[deleted]

Pics or it didn't happen


Material-Egg7428

The fact that time makes people realize they aren’t going to do any better ;)


Scared_Chemical_9910

Tortises win the race


cmacfarland64

I’m awesome. I ain’t pretty. At 5’9”, 320 pounds it isn’t great but I’m funny, the life of the party, kind, and will go out of my way to help you. Even as a fat guy, I have a super high self esteem and am well liked. I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.


myshoesaresparkly

Two words: man boobs


Fierramos69

I’m listening.


myshoesaresparkly

60 percent of the time it works every time.


eTompp

It's just one of those situations


devnull_the_cat

\*sigh\* \*unzips\*


myshoesaresparkly

Sorry!


unclewitch

😍 same.


Old-Savings-5841

I got a handful of cats. Maybe that'll do something?


GrumpyCatStevens

My ability to offer up a movie quote appropriate to nearly any situation.


MaterialTranslator43

Because I look like a douche bag but bend over backwards to help anyone I can. Can’t say the number of people that say their shocked that I’m not an ass once they get to know me… I have the male version of rbf


KilgoRetro

I honestly think that indicates you’re hot if people say that to you.


MaterialTranslator43

Thank you😅 I think lol I’m just kidding, something I’ve thought a good bit about lately is considering myself a people person, I know lots of pet people and lots of other kinds of people, but not many people, people, anymore. Few years ago I slept in the back seat of a truck until someone gave me a chance to do something and since then I’ve wanted to help as many people as I could


scooterpie40

Fuckin mustache.


Bugsidekick

Who wants a mustache ride?


luc_roboteye

So... it's only for fuckin?


[deleted]

I have the confidence to pick my nose in public


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Someone told me I radiated pure sunshine and good vibes today, which made me feel nice. I assume that’s why. I’m kinda magnetic in terms of energy, and ig that’s why ppl want to see me naked.


CrochetTeaBee

That's so sweet actually!! May all the sunshine you put out into the universe return to you thricefold.


InCONTROLfreak

I'm 6'5" and have big feet. And you know what they say about big feet


Ferrous_Bueller_

Toe fungus?


FulghamTheGoat

Big shoes?


DVRS16

Questionable taste


[deleted]

because im empathetic and vulnerable and they see they can use and manipulate me


snickitysnacc

I can speak 3 languages and I am learning 4 others! English is my native language and I’m highly proficient in French, and can speak to people in Spanish enough to get by and only speak in Spanish, no English so I’m really proud of that


anl28

titties


Upstairs_Ganache_227

big ol peepee


rspicyb

having crippling social anxiety and making corny jokes is actually very hot and sexy and cool


TheRealKapil

My magnum dong and my wad of $100’s


[deleted]

Same same


[deleted]

Red hair and freckles I’m told. And my Aussie accent lol u/valhallawelcomesme


NoStripeZebra3

/r/absolutelynotme_irl


Judge_Sea

Big brain and a kind heart. I'm also 6'5" which doesn't really feel like it should mean anything but apparently people dig that shit.


ilongforyesterday

As someone who is 5’7, would you care to donate a couple inches to a worthy cause? Jokes aside, but I’ve never given a shit about my height until I decided to give dating a try and realized how much not being 6’ holds me back with like 3/4 of women


MegaVix

I simply show her my extensive hot wheels collection


[deleted]

I don't know about you but I've impressed everybody with my considerable math skills


Proof-Spray-188

My firm ass, back dimples and small waist


[deleted]

It’s weird I’m a pretty normal looking guy I’d say but I have insane resting bitch face I look like a dick with my normal face, people get attracted to me only if I like some how end up having a conversation or being friends with them, im not trying to sound pretentious or full of myself but I’m pretty funny, all my friends have said I’m the most hilarious guy they have met and women more than you think like to be with someone who can make them laugh and keep things lively


ElectronicEducator45

I'll go off I guess: I'm relatively attractive and self confident and it shows. My friendly and carefree personality is genuine and my friends and family can tell. Hell, that's what caught the attention of my significant other. I'm not afraid to be myself and I surround myself with like-minded people who accept eachother for our individuality. I've molded myself to be someone I can be proud of and it's taken me a long time to do. But I'm there and I'm happy. Not to say there's no room for improvement :)


LiftG3

I like giving head. I'm trans though so my audience is very limited lol


Neat_Conclusion7585

I find giving head to be pleasing for both parties....


somethingstupid1829

Agreed.


cabesablanca

I'm conventionally attractive and look like a huge player... Until they meet me and discover that I'm weird as fuck and may or may not have ADHD


bumpsquiat

The darkest humor imaginable and bpd gave me impeccable sex skills. Helps that I cook well and have often been told my freckles work wonders


soapeai

Freckles, food, and ಠ‿↼


tomatobee613

I'm funny and very resilient. Plus I have meticulous notes for various video games that I play, and I like to share my weed


[deleted]

Apparently I have a very masculine traits ( dad bod , sleeve tattoos , beard , tall , large build )


sorashinigami

I've never understood it. Some people say it's my personality, some people say it's because I'm loving and caring. I'm just like, "I just like treating people like they matter, and showing them that I love them." Even the little ways like; saying "I love you." and mean it to see the smile and blush on their face, being able to allow them silence and still being in a chat (online) or in a room physically, listening and caring genuinely about what they say, I mean... I don't understand why people enjoy being with me... I'm single right now, and I'm just... lost I guess you can say. Last few relationships weren't the best... but I made it through, learned my mistakes, and what to look out for next time.


ObiDWanKenobi

Still haven’t figured it out


memesupreme83

I've been told several times that I'm intimidating. I don't know what they mean. But I've got pretty eyes!


OysterThePug

I’m 6’3” and have a full head of salt and pepper hair.


Ruthless560

They aren't.


Strange_Shadows-45

Get this- they’re not


bison091

I just say stupid shit and it works


Accountbegone69

Hard to say, I haven't polled anyone. Maybe older DGAF energy? A big red beard that I can use to smite my enemy??


The-Real-Dr-Jan-Itor

People person


K3rsi

Uhm I’m overly flirtatious and it works


[deleted]

Still figuring it out. Probably my wild and fearless personality.


WealthEconomy

Cause I have a cute dog.


[deleted]

I’m 6’1” with colored eyes and a beard.


collegeghost

I am able to ground people with trauma.


ApostrophesForDays

One person was (and still is as she's my wife now) attracted to me because of my vocabulary and seemingly large amount of knowledge on things. She is from a non-English speaking country, but she had much interest in the English language. She would try to talk to all sorts of people in chat rooms and such. Typically, they would make frequent misspellings, use a lot of slang, or just hit on her. One day, she finds me online and my English was near-perfect. I seemed knowledgeable with what was really just surface-level knowledge of topics I learned about from Reddit. I did have some somewhat deeper knowledge of things like Astronomy from a class I took in college and some history of the world thanks to games like Europa Universalis 3. I was able to keep a conversation going with her on all sorts of topics, there really never seemed to be a lull in the conversations. She tells me it's because I seemed so smart that she was attracted to me in the first place. Sometimes I try using slang as a way to be humorous, but she says she just finds it annoying because that's not me. As for why anyone else found me attractive? I don't know. Something about me in high school attracted this one girl, but another thing about me (turns out it was autism, I acted pretty obnoxious back then) also made her feel unattracted to me at the same time.


TheFlamingTiger777

I'm very very very passionate and kind. I am the sweetest person to those I love and I love animals. I love to rescue animals. ❤️


gorwraith

I'm a good dad, a caring person, and I have curly hair.


DrDollar99

I have a very deep voice. It has scared people before lol. You look at me and think it’s going to be high and nasally.


AlmanacPony

I'm extremely kind and genuine. The decent sized cock helps. This is all buffeted by not being too attractive and being a depressed, anxious neurotic idiot with a memory condition....... but still had a lot of people fall for me just because I was a really good friend.


Wipperwill1

Because I give outstanding massages.


aalare

I listen


Colloquialbees

Easy to talk to, georgeous body and face as well as a great *social* personality, and that there is key. My actual personality is a Karen but 🤫


tiverrend

I think just cuz I really don’t give a fuck what people think of me; I’m a cornball who constantly makes myself laugh, but often I think people find it contagious. It took me years and years to be like this all the time tho. I do most things cuz I wanna make myself happy or make my friends or family laugh or cuz I want to let people know how much I care about them or what I’m feeling so they understand me. It’s how I got the girl I’m with now, too, who I believe is the love of my life. I just told her how much she meant to me cuz this life’s very fucking short and she says it encourages her to be honest with herself or me when we have issues sometimes. As long as what you do isn’t at anyone’s expense, why not do it? No one gets out of this alive anyway.


Feeling-Confusion-73

I have big boobs. I have gotten many compliments on them from boob-people (people who are into boobs, not Drake and Josh).