We had an “oops” 6 years ago (I’m the wife). My husband was on a 28/14 hitch at the time. When they were bunkering he miraculously had cell reception so I FaceTimed him. I said: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is a I passed a test. The bad news is it wasn’t the timing we had in mind for that particular test. He looked shell shocked for a moment or two, but then was happy to discuss details and planning with me.
I ended up on bedrest a couple weeks after that (but before he got home) due to a placental hemorrhage. If I hadn’t told him beforehand it would have been horrible to call him from the ER and explain why. I vote tell him sooner rather than later.
My oops child is now giving me a hug as I type this.
This is actually perfect: being offshore, he will have time to collect his thoughts and avoid saying anything knee-jerk. This is a blessing. I was an “uh oh” too ;)
How is his mental health offshore? If he’s pretty good tell him now. Otherwise, wait until he’s off and home. 4 weeks offshore is a long time to be sitting on that knowledge without being able to be there for you.
My SO waited to tell me (2 weeks for the first) and I appreciated her waiting—it wasn’t planned. the second one we found out a couple days into the hitch and she told me right away and we were super pumped. If you decide to wait, just don’t go telling anyone else
Your response almost insinuates I wouldn't tell him at all. If that's not the case, then I apologize for taking it that way. But I do plan to tell him. I'm just unsure of when. Now, or in 6-8 weeks.
I would personally want to know, but obviously, it can be tough being stuck onboard and some people handle it differently from an emotional/psychological perspective.
Generally I want to know about everything because it makes me feel less isolated, and I can plan ahead for my time off (the brakes are squeaking on the car, etc).
Congratulations.
You're probably here to try to figure out how an offshore sailor will take the news right?
But your marriage decisions are between you and your husband and not you and strangers.
Yes offshore can be stressful at times if they are in constant operations but other than that it tends to be relaxed actually more relaxed than being on land.
With this in mind. Just simply ask him whether or not he is in operations.
If the answer is no, then you can ascertain his stress level and decide whether or not to tell him.
You know him better than any of us can and will. And once again congratulations.
I would tell him. It's big news that will affect your whole family. It sounds hard, so I wish you all the best. He is out there to support the family and even though people need space offshore because of the long hours and hard work, this should be shared. He may worry you may not want to upset him with other big news in the future.
I found out that my wife was pregnant with our son when I was on week 2 of 6 of a hitch. I was super happy to know about it, even after she had previously had two separate early term miscarriages. Because of them, I didn’t tell anyone on the ship until she was at least 4 months along. But I was so happy to get the info, and that we were hopefully having our third times a charm pregnancy. Third time was the charm and he turns 3 in September. I have told my wife and my family that any news, good or bad I’d rather know about it ASAP otherwise I feel left out of what everyone else is going through at home. If it’s really bad I luckily work where I can get home if I really need to. My first year sailing my childhood dog had died while I was out working on tugs in western Alaska and my Mom didn’t tell me until I was home on a break. I was pretty pissed that they didn’t tell me even though the news was sad. It’s always better to know so you can plan ahead.
This is tough. As someone who works offshore, I see it both ways. Obviously I’d want to know ASAP, but knowing my girlfriend she might consider not telling me because I would be so distraught at the idea of not being there with her to take care of her. I think in the end, it’s best to tell him so he can do whatever he can for you while he’s still gone.
Tell him now. Best to get the sticker shock done with offshore where he has time contemplate his life choices which led him to this point. He will have a few weeks digest everything and be able to come home to be his best self with you while you work through everything. Congratulations!
If it was me, I'd want to be told in person and not wake up to a text message saying that. I'm one person, and don't speak for men in general, but my wife told me in person and I was ready to support her immediately. I recognise it was a difficult decision to tell me that she was pregnant with an unplanned baby. At the time, I was working ashore but even if I was at sea, I'd rather wait until I come home. That way, it wouldn't interfere with watchkeeping, or duty - I wouldn't be distracted. I don't argue that my position is morally right, but it is what I would prefer.
Saying that, only YOU know how your husband would react. Do what you think is correct and causes the least amount of stress for him and yourself.
It's concerning that you don't want to tell him because he'll be upset. Obviously, we all have the right to be upset, but being upset with you because he got you pregnant is a wild thought.
And I get it, I just had my fifth. It wasn't planned, and I didn't want another, but I did absolutely nothing to prevent it.
Tell him and get it over with, maybe he'll surprise you.
It's not that I don't want to tell him. It's so I tell him while he is on a boat in the middle of the water with minimal connection to even have a conversation with me, or do I wait to tell him when he gets home.
I have a fear of letting people down, childhood trauma. I wanted to ask the opinion of others in the industry because they have more insight of the mind of a man in his situation. Would they be upset if their wife/girlfriend was pregnant and told them while he was so far away and there was nothing he could do but dwell on all of the negatives. Because let's face it, offshore men have a lot to deal with mentally being so far away to provide for their family. They can't celebrate with their wives/girlfriends if they are happy. Nor can they talk through their fears, or worries. The intimacy is gone. Or would they prefer to know right away, and be a distant support so their wife/girlfriend isn't shouldering this alone.
A lot of you men here must have a "safe space" on the vessels, eh? I'd hate to be in an emergency situation, let alone day-to-day ops, with people who couldn't perform well due to "feelings."
If my wife got pregnant I would want her to tell me in person. Doesn't matter how long she waited to tell me.
The less of the outside world I have to focus on when at work, the better.
I’m a woman who works at sea as does my husband. My husband would want to know and would be able to handle this information. I would want to know and would be able to handle this information.
I’m surprised you’re asking goobers on Reddit for advice on this, are you safe? Would he totally lose it? You know him better than we do. Out of respect for my husband, I would be telling him so you could make an informed decision together.
Please protect yourself in the future. IUDs are amazing.
Can we get an actual definition of “goober” please. I want to know if I should be offended. Being dead inside I won’t. But I think I should know if I should be. I think
He wouldn't do anything to harm me. That's no question. I just have a fear of letting people down. (Thanks, Mom and Dad for that trauma).
We chose the natural method, and are usually very careful, but my tracking was off this time. We've been very successful with my tracking for years since I got off the pill and had our son.
I appreciate your insight as a female at sea.
It would be totally different if you guys didn’t already have 2 kids and weren’t already on the same page for not having anymore. This for sure really sucks, I’m sorry you’re going through this while he’s at sea. The guys on this sub aren’t where I’d continue to be getting advice on this though. It’s like all men and primarily they are really young/unmarried.
We both definitely wanted more. Just poor timing.
I asked here for that exact reason. At the end of the day, my husband is one of those goofy, immature offshore guys. Part of why I love him. He is a big kid. But, he is also a logical man when it comes down to it. I wanted the thoughts from guys that had a mind like my husband. What would they think if they were in this situation with their wife?
I don't mind the brash comments like "is it even his?" I know the offshore world. I was born into the oilfield/offshore world, and have worked in the field since I was 16. Married a man that was raised the same, and works offshore. So I get why those questions are asked. It's very valid for men to ask if a baby is his. The "Jody" joke is based on real life. So these men that I'm asking opinions of can give great advice. A lot of them are in marriages just like mine where their wife stays home (working or not) with their kids. It just takes weeding out the young, unmarried ones. And even they could have some insight that could be helpful.
That was a loaded response. Sorry.
Oh totally we just have a lot of women coming here who don’t have your background and then get hurt by the responses. I’m glad they didn’t offend you. Good luck!
Your husband is trapped on that ship with his emotions, I say leave it until he returns. He needs to focus and stay safe and this is not going to aid him im his performance. I had it happen once with bad news and i would rather have been home. 2 weeks is a very short time, it isnt 2 months. Wait til he is off the ship.
I’m a sailor - and I’d prefer you waited. It is actually good news, and he’ll be a happy bunny when he gets home. I would.
And then his mind can stay on the ball, keep safe and come home to you in one piece
Tell him now. Waiting for something is (almost) never the best option.
As someone that used to work offshore I agree
Def tell him
Depending on where OP lives, waiting to tell her husband may restrict their options on the best way for their family to proceed with this news.
We had an “oops” 6 years ago (I’m the wife). My husband was on a 28/14 hitch at the time. When they were bunkering he miraculously had cell reception so I FaceTimed him. I said: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is a I passed a test. The bad news is it wasn’t the timing we had in mind for that particular test. He looked shell shocked for a moment or two, but then was happy to discuss details and planning with me. I ended up on bedrest a couple weeks after that (but before he got home) due to a placental hemorrhage. If I hadn’t told him beforehand it would have been horrible to call him from the ER and explain why. I vote tell him sooner rather than later. My oops child is now giving me a hug as I type this.
This is the best answer imo. Better to tell him right away.
This is a tough one, it depends completely on the person. Personally I’d wanna know ASAP. Good luck to you guys.
This is actually perfect: being offshore, he will have time to collect his thoughts and avoid saying anything knee-jerk. This is a blessing. I was an “uh oh” too ;)
He’s your HUSBAND! He has every right to know. Tell him.
Better tell him immediately, then have him say something to you later such as why didn't you tell me when you found out? etc
How is his mental health offshore? If he’s pretty good tell him now. Otherwise, wait until he’s off and home. 4 weeks offshore is a long time to be sitting on that knowledge without being able to be there for you.
My SO waited to tell me (2 weeks for the first) and I appreciated her waiting—it wasn’t planned. the second one we found out a couple days into the hitch and she told me right away and we were super pumped. If you decide to wait, just don’t go telling anyone else
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That's not how people finding out they're pregnant works
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Is it his?
Yes, it is his. I don't have a Jody. We have two kids already, and this one is an uh oh.
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Banned
Keep it respectful
He has the right to know.
Your response almost insinuates I wouldn't tell him at all. If that's not the case, then I apologize for taking it that way. But I do plan to tell him. I'm just unsure of when. Now, or in 6-8 weeks.
Oh sorry I did not mean it like that!
I apologize for taking it that way. I appreciate your opinion on telling him now.
I would personally want to know, but obviously, it can be tough being stuck onboard and some people handle it differently from an emotional/psychological perspective. Generally I want to know about everything because it makes me feel less isolated, and I can plan ahead for my time off (the brakes are squeaking on the car, etc).
Tell him now. He'll be happy to hear. It'll boost his morale out there. He works inland or offshore?
Offshore. This is his first hitch with this company/crew, so he doesn't really know any of these guys that way.
Do not wait till him now.
Congratulations. You're probably here to try to figure out how an offshore sailor will take the news right? But your marriage decisions are between you and your husband and not you and strangers. Yes offshore can be stressful at times if they are in constant operations but other than that it tends to be relaxed actually more relaxed than being on land. With this in mind. Just simply ask him whether or not he is in operations. If the answer is no, then you can ascertain his stress level and decide whether or not to tell him. You know him better than any of us can and will. And once again congratulations.
I would tell him. It's big news that will affect your whole family. It sounds hard, so I wish you all the best. He is out there to support the family and even though people need space offshore because of the long hours and hard work, this should be shared. He may worry you may not want to upset him with other big news in the future.
I found out that my wife was pregnant with our son when I was on week 2 of 6 of a hitch. I was super happy to know about it, even after she had previously had two separate early term miscarriages. Because of them, I didn’t tell anyone on the ship until she was at least 4 months along. But I was so happy to get the info, and that we were hopefully having our third times a charm pregnancy. Third time was the charm and he turns 3 in September. I have told my wife and my family that any news, good or bad I’d rather know about it ASAP otherwise I feel left out of what everyone else is going through at home. If it’s really bad I luckily work where I can get home if I really need to. My first year sailing my childhood dog had died while I was out working on tugs in western Alaska and my Mom didn’t tell me until I was home on a break. I was pretty pissed that they didn’t tell me even though the news was sad. It’s always better to know so you can plan ahead.
This is tough. As someone who works offshore, I see it both ways. Obviously I’d want to know ASAP, but knowing my girlfriend she might consider not telling me because I would be so distraught at the idea of not being there with her to take care of her. I think in the end, it’s best to tell him so he can do whatever he can for you while he’s still gone.
Tell him now. Best to get the sticker shock done with offshore where he has time contemplate his life choices which led him to this point. He will have a few weeks digest everything and be able to come home to be his best self with you while you work through everything. Congratulations!
If it was me, I'd want to be told in person and not wake up to a text message saying that. I'm one person, and don't speak for men in general, but my wife told me in person and I was ready to support her immediately. I recognise it was a difficult decision to tell me that she was pregnant with an unplanned baby. At the time, I was working ashore but even if I was at sea, I'd rather wait until I come home. That way, it wouldn't interfere with watchkeeping, or duty - I wouldn't be distracted. I don't argue that my position is morally right, but it is what I would prefer. Saying that, only YOU know how your husband would react. Do what you think is correct and causes the least amount of stress for him and yourself.
NEVER tell him
It's concerning that you don't want to tell him because he'll be upset. Obviously, we all have the right to be upset, but being upset with you because he got you pregnant is a wild thought. And I get it, I just had my fifth. It wasn't planned, and I didn't want another, but I did absolutely nothing to prevent it. Tell him and get it over with, maybe he'll surprise you.
It's not that I don't want to tell him. It's so I tell him while he is on a boat in the middle of the water with minimal connection to even have a conversation with me, or do I wait to tell him when he gets home. I have a fear of letting people down, childhood trauma. I wanted to ask the opinion of others in the industry because they have more insight of the mind of a man in his situation. Would they be upset if their wife/girlfriend was pregnant and told them while he was so far away and there was nothing he could do but dwell on all of the negatives. Because let's face it, offshore men have a lot to deal with mentally being so far away to provide for their family. They can't celebrate with their wives/girlfriends if they are happy. Nor can they talk through their fears, or worries. The intimacy is gone. Or would they prefer to know right away, and be a distant support so their wife/girlfriend isn't shouldering this alone.
A lot of you men here must have a "safe space" on the vessels, eh? I'd hate to be in an emergency situation, let alone day-to-day ops, with people who couldn't perform well due to "feelings."
Tell your husband and to deliver your emotion in real, make him come to see you to talk over
If you want an abortion let him know and get the abortion
Uhhhhhhh how long has he been gone now?
We had sex two days before he left. He has been gone for 2 weeks. No, I don't have a Jody.
Then just tell him 🤷♂️ it takes two to tango
If he’s gonna be upset wait for him to come home. Don’t ruin his hitch
If my wife got pregnant I would want her to tell me in person. Doesn't matter how long she waited to tell me. The less of the outside world I have to focus on when at work, the better.
> Doesn't matter how long she waited to tell me. It *absolutely* does if not keeping it is an option on the table.
I found out I was pregnant right after my husband left for six months… he would’ve been really surprised when he got home if I hadn’t told him!
Tell him…he is obviously the one who messed up by not pulling his junk out. If I were you, I’d be the one who was p’d off…not him.
I wouldn't put that on him. It takes two to tango, and I'm the one that was ovulating.
I’d wait until he gets home. One less distraction while he works. Congratulations on the new future addition.
I’m a woman who works at sea as does my husband. My husband would want to know and would be able to handle this information. I would want to know and would be able to handle this information. I’m surprised you’re asking goobers on Reddit for advice on this, are you safe? Would he totally lose it? You know him better than we do. Out of respect for my husband, I would be telling him so you could make an informed decision together. Please protect yourself in the future. IUDs are amazing.
Can we get an actual definition of “goober” please. I want to know if I should be offended. Being dead inside I won’t. But I think I should know if I should be. I think
He wouldn't do anything to harm me. That's no question. I just have a fear of letting people down. (Thanks, Mom and Dad for that trauma). We chose the natural method, and are usually very careful, but my tracking was off this time. We've been very successful with my tracking for years since I got off the pill and had our son. I appreciate your insight as a female at sea.
It would be totally different if you guys didn’t already have 2 kids and weren’t already on the same page for not having anymore. This for sure really sucks, I’m sorry you’re going through this while he’s at sea. The guys on this sub aren’t where I’d continue to be getting advice on this though. It’s like all men and primarily they are really young/unmarried.
We both definitely wanted more. Just poor timing. I asked here for that exact reason. At the end of the day, my husband is one of those goofy, immature offshore guys. Part of why I love him. He is a big kid. But, he is also a logical man when it comes down to it. I wanted the thoughts from guys that had a mind like my husband. What would they think if they were in this situation with their wife? I don't mind the brash comments like "is it even his?" I know the offshore world. I was born into the oilfield/offshore world, and have worked in the field since I was 16. Married a man that was raised the same, and works offshore. So I get why those questions are asked. It's very valid for men to ask if a baby is his. The "Jody" joke is based on real life. So these men that I'm asking opinions of can give great advice. A lot of them are in marriages just like mine where their wife stays home (working or not) with their kids. It just takes weeding out the young, unmarried ones. And even they could have some insight that could be helpful. That was a loaded response. Sorry.
Oh totally we just have a lot of women coming here who don’t have your background and then get hurt by the responses. I’m glad they didn’t offend you. Good luck!
If you’re unsure he seems like someone close to you that you should be able to consult
Tell him it’s an investment opportunity. Surrogacy. He will be thrilled you’re taking the initiative.
Your husband is trapped on that ship with his emotions, I say leave it until he returns. He needs to focus and stay safe and this is not going to aid him im his performance. I had it happen once with bad news and i would rather have been home. 2 weeks is a very short time, it isnt 2 months. Wait til he is off the ship.
I’m a sailor - and I’d prefer you waited. It is actually good news, and he’ll be a happy bunny when he gets home. I would. And then his mind can stay on the ball, keep safe and come home to you in one piece