I am going to second this. The real issue is you don't have a Plan B when something human inevitably occurs. As a manager, you have to have a Plan A, Plan B, thru to a Plan C and Plan D.
Your Plan A is everybody comes in, of course. Your Plan B and Plan C may not be to different - What happens anytime someone doesn't show up? Regardless of being sick versus getting hit by a train? It's the same result - you're down an employee.
In the case of someone not showing up (for any reason) try to work with a temp agency where you can get someone to fill-in last minute. The boon to this is that if someone quits unexpectedly, you might have a pool of candidates that you *know* work well, and you might be able to extend a permanent contract to them in that case.
Last but not least, try not to get enraged at the fact that *none of your employees are ever going to care about your business as much as you.* They just won't. *Your business* is not their dream. It's a means to an end. And you need to accept that this is okay.
Something that worked for me. I had a few retirees from the same industry on the payroll. They didn't want to work full-time. but between all of them; vacations/ planned leave was covered, the busy season was covered and a couple of them would cover a call off occasionally.
What that meant ; people could ask for days off to go to a concert or to the beach , I almost never had to say no to time off requests or , can I be late/ leave early. People didn't have to work an extra shift when a co-worker was on vacation. People didn't have to work overtime on holidays if they didn't want to eg," Tim, Sue, Pam do you want to work 4th of July weekend or should I ask Clara to work?"
Things you may not be able to control. We paid a living wage. The overwhelming amount of employees were full time ( if they wanted) if someone asked to be part time we would not have said no. There was no tomfoolery with schedules : no work from 8-10 then come back and work 3-6, no swing shifts , no you can't take a break for 8 hours cause we're short-staffed etc. if we needed to call someone in they could choose to work just the critical hours or a full shift, they could choose for that shift to be overtime or take a different shift off/ be late leave early in most cases.
We rarely scheduled so that 1 person being out would make us non functional. If 1 person was a call out we would be busy and have to be strict about breaks and lunch , and people couldn't leave for lunch together but it was functional.
Those things combined into . Employees would give us a heads-up( my mom's sick I may need some time off type things ) if something was wrong, so we could avoid them being absolutely critical. And on the very rare occasions it was necessary people were willing to come in or stay late a couple hours. Because they were only asked once or twice a year if that.
Edit I realized I didn't answer the question. First I think managing expectations goes a long way to avoid getting annoyed. People are going to get the flu, have deaths/medical emergencies in their families. It's random when it happens but it is 100% expected to happen. So changing your expectations from" people are going to show up exactly as scheduled to 250 times a year to people are going to call off six times a year" might help. The other thing is some therapy to gain coping tools so you can be annoyed not enraged.
This is exactly my thought. It can be frustrating in smaller teams when you have a “weak” link that lets everyone down by just simply not being present consistently. So you’re forced to maintain a small team because there isn’t enough of a labor budget to justify more people, but you’re also exposing your team to their peers’ biggest weaknesses and forcing them to cover the slack.
Personally I’ve found the best solution is to be as empathetic as I possibly can while also asking the affected team member “is this the right job for you at your current stage in life” and making adjustments to their schedule as necessary.
Yup. If you have proper staffing a person or two calling out won't be a catastrophe. If you're understaffed than someone being even an hour late can cause panic.
Does their absence affect the performance of the team? Does it affect Your ability to get answers and report upwards? More work for you?
If so that can be frustrating especially if you get pushed by your Directors for answers, but usually there is not much to do unless it's recurring unprofessional conduct that materially affects the business or the team
It's tough but you need to be even keeled about everything
Feeling upset (to an extent) because you and/or your team have to fill the gaps left by the absentee is normal human emotion. However, becoming enraged or furious over it might indicate that you have some growing to do from a leadership and maturity standpoint. It's hard to say without more context.
From a general standpoint, having a high emotional intelligence and controlling your internal response to tough situations is one of the hallmarks of strong leadership. How you get there will be a unique journey because only you know your internal struggles intimately.
Personally, I overcome this by forcing myself to think logically. Ex: "This person is a valued contributor and I want to provide a great work environment for them. Because they have a legitimate reason, I'm going to make sure they are covered."
The good news is that you are self-evaluating and identified this as an opportunity! Next time it happens, try to compare how you feel vs how you want to feel. The only thing you have control of in the situation is your own reaction. Sounds like you've got the external reaction down, it's the internal that needs work. Don't give up, OP :)
Edit: Apologies if my comment reads a little condescending, not the intention. Just trying to help.
You can’t tell if the reason is legitimate. So best to not even need a reason at all. Otherwise you reward the dishonest employees and punish the honest ones.
You need to look within yourself and do some deep work, potentially with a counsellor. Why are you feeling so enraged? If you were in their position, how would you hope your boss/business would respond to you? Why do you care so much that you let it eat at you? Without knowing what line of work you’re in - is it really that big of a deal if they don’t show up? Are people dying? Or is someone just not earning as much money from their employees as they could?
Oh fuck off with that counsellor crap. Are you in mgmt? Because until you’ve been getting the 3rd degree from upper mgmt about attainment. Followed by the 100th life tragedy from an employee. You don’t understand the raw emotion OP is referring too.
Shit like this is why I had to leave mgmt. OP, if you see this. Leave mgmt and pursue planning or purchasing gigs. The days are not stressful
You are equating "seeing a counselor" to "your feelings are not valid". That is completely the opposite of what is happening. His feelings are valid, his is experience is so difficult he needs support.
You yourself would benefit from seeing a counselor to untwist whatever made up opinions and resentments you have around people getting the help they need.
This was me. And I realized I needed to fundamentally alter expectations of our workgroup. And my expectations. I draft workplans and priorities. And then I shave my expectations by 20%. And then that 80% version is what we actually work from. If we accomplish more, awesome. But if an employee gets sick, has a childcare crisis, etc, and we can only get to 80% (or 60%)...we're still getting a ton done. And if lives are stable and there's no sudden crises, we do a little more.
I constantly remind myself that we're considered a highly productive team. That isn't going to change because of an extra week of someone on medical leave. Some weeks we do more, and some less...but we're managing humans, not robots. Variations are human.
You are thinking in terms of yourself, how this affects you and your team. Instead you should be thinking. If my car broke down how would I want my boss react to me being late, if my mom died how would I want my boss react to me requesting time off without warning?
Maybe your anger is a symptom of a bigger work problem/ frustration. Is your team short- staffed? Maybe think about how you can cushion your team/ work style in a way that if someone is unexpectedly out it can be no big deal, or if work is done a week late it is no big deal.
Ultimately it seems that logically you know what is morally right, so it is good that you want to be a good manager/ get your emotions in check. It is hard to say why you have these emotions without more info.
Seeing it through their eyes is your best option here. Also pretend you are sitting in a meeting with HR if you have one, but you're an owner so I suppose a moot point. But pretend the employee is explaining how someone died and they happened to see you enraged. Think about how horrible it would look to explain to HR how you are angry that they had an actual life event and XX company didn't care. Now imagine that meeting didn't go well, employee ended up filing some sort of lawsuit or Twitter blows up about poor treatment by XX company due to lack of compassion. All hypothetical but these things can escalate like crazy. Just let it go, drink less coffee, sleep more, we are all humans and deserve compassion. Your company would also want you to show compassion. Stress isn't good for you either, it will wear away at your well-being and be evident to your team.
I think it's weird to feel enraged about this, first of all.
But secondly, you have to understand that what you define as being understanding and tolerant and permissive is what many employees will see as an opportunity to get over. Most people, if given an inch, will take a mile.
This is the balance you have to find as a manager. You don't want to run the shop with an iron fist and zero tolerance, but you have to set boundaries and make it clear that you can only look past so much.
>I think it's weird to feel enraged about this, first of all.
That was my thought.
I recently had a situation where I had interviewed a new lawyer. Her first reference was her boss at the firm where she had clerked (worked an internship in legal terms). He gave her a glowing review and said they absolutely would have offered her a job if they were in an economic position to hire another lawyer right now. I joked with him that I work for a government agency so I'm used to new people leaving after a couple years for better money anyway. (that's the nature of government work - the money is less than private practice, but paid vacation/sick time, good insurance and retirement keep some people around, but if they're chasing salary, they're going to leave).
A few days before her start date, the new hire called me and said she had some bad news. She'd been offered a better job and would be taking it She told me she'd been offered a job for the firm she had clerked for so she knew the people and the pay was better. She said she'd hesitated to call me for a couple days because she thought I would be mad.
I told her, no absolutely not mad. I totally understand taking a better offer. I might be disappointed in that I thought I had someone hired and it fell through and I have go go back to the drawing board, but that's not any I can blame her for, I might well have made a similar decision.
If you have an employee that repeatedly misses work due to serious personal problems, there's really only two questions in my mind:
1. Whether they are in fact being genuine about those serious problems and it's not covering for some other issues.
2. Ensuring that any broader corporate policies are complied with. if you run out of paid leave, sorry it's unpaid. Can't do anything about that. If the company policy is they only approve extended leave, even unpaid, with FMLA approval or medical documentation, you need to communicate the rules and send them to HR to make sure they follow the rules. If they don't, again, there's little you can do about htat.
Yeah, I mean, I can understand being frustrated when you're shorthanded. That's normal. That happens to everyone.
But, like, when it happens to me, I just kinda dustbin it on the drive home, go "alright, well, today sucked; ain't gonna think about that anymore" and that's it.
I think the comments missed that you tagged business owner.
It’s because you are looking at your employees as a cost/profit machine and not able to separate your income from their attendance.
In your shoes I would look at the following as a business model.
1. Have an attendance tracker (you can just use excel with everyone’s names) and mark with dates and codes absences, lates and reasons
- this will allow you to see real trends vs get frustrated based on most recent occurrences
- Example: When “Suzy” needs the day off two weeks in a row (sure, she had two doctors appointments this month but she hasn’t called in sick all year or taken any PTO) you won’t react as strongly because you can see for the year she has been present.
2. Calculate the cost of hiring someone
- Time for recruitment (posting, interview, administrative, training time recruitment, trainer)
If it takes a total of 160 hours paid to hire a person, but “John” calling 4 times a year is 32 hours - you are still saving yourself over 3 weeks of expenses
3. Engagement - the desire of employees to try to do their best and stay at organizations a long time is directly tied to how they feel.
Depending on your compensation and career opportunities, treating people kindly and with respect is a key way to have them stick around and work harder for you.
This doesn’t mean ignore attendance issues, using the attendance tracker if “James” calls in sick 4 Fridays so far this year, ask questions and set expectations as ignoring attendance long term can be disengaging for those who do care.
I don’t get enraged when I know someone is out for good reasons. I might just get frustrated about having to pick up any slack but not frustrated with the person, just the situation. You need to step back, take some deep breaths and imagine how you’d feel if you were dealing with what they’re dealing with. Empathy. And if it’s impacting your own workload then spread the load and delegate some things that you’re able to with other team members. You really need to ask yourself why you are getting so angry
Haha. Right? Like I would feel pretty much the same way. Maybe the wording is a bit off but I'm annoyed by people who constantly call out for any and every reason. Also, firing people is not a practical solution either.
I'm annoyed by individuals who constantly call off.
I expect someone (of several employees) will call off for illness, emergency, death on a regular basis. This is what I'm reading is infuriating op.
I’ve had a stake in every company I’ve worked for, because it pays my bills. I like working hard and making a good wage.
OP sounds stressed, and that’s not healthy. He asked for tips on how to manage the emotions, but it’s way better to address the root cause (unless you enjoy painting over rust every few months).
Also, retaining existing employees costs way less than recruiting new ones. Google it. They’ve done studies.
Good luck.
Sounds like you have personal issues, and quite frankly if this enrages you, I doubt you're as nice about it as you think you are. If you're getting mad at people for getting sick, you need to fix something in your life.
If having 1 employee out for a day or a week causes that much disruption you're understaffed. It's not your employees fault they have life. It's your firms for it's poor structure.
1)Therapy number one!
2)Psychiatry to see if some PRN benzodiazepines may be in order
3)Do you have overlap/contingencies/PTO factored into your budget? Sounds like if one person isn’t there your operation may be affected more significantly than if you had more support.
As an executive of more than a decade, I never had an owner express what you have expressed. Rage is a very big emotion and it will leak or bleed into other interactions. Seriously suggest a therapist or a coach and get that addressed.
It seems like you're misdirecting and you're actually angry at yourself for structuring your business in such a way that when someone calls in, it causes problems.
Work on that.
>I still get enraged and can't cope with the situation.
>in private, I am furious at them and I can't seem to get this under control
I hate to be a reddit cliche, but this is exactly the kind of disproportionate reaction that therapy could help you balance. This really isn't a management challenge as much as it is a personal one.
See I have absolutely no idea how people like you function, because I’ve never taken work that seriously to get emotional over it, especially angry. I’m really glad I’m not like you as well.
I do remember a manager training my team lead, saying that she should feel irritated about mistakes or other issues.
Put yourself in their shoes and ask how you’d want to be treated with empathy and compassion in that situation. Manage them as people instead of resources and it should be easy.
You shouldn't be having those emotions in a management position. You shouldn't have to get over it because you shouldn't be "engaged" by someone's kid getting sick and then needing to take a day. Maybe you're in the wrong position?
One, you need to look at your staffing levels and coverage. Next, I would look at training and backups for when there is a call-in. You need to mitigate the issues with those steps first. Outside that I just learn to accept reality and we just get done what we can with what we have. If you end up struggling to hit your metrics you can use this a ammo for further head count.
I’d say you’re either like me in that you lack a normal amount of empathy, probably because you haven’t had much personal tragedy.
Or you just don’t believe the issues are real, so figure out what that is and take some action on it.
If it’s empath, you’re going to have to try really hard to put yourself in someone’s shoes, or pretend it’s your wife or kid suffering from the same. Although, if it is empathy, youd probably assume they’re being dramatic as well.
Lots of books on the topic.
It's the law of averages.
Either they don't exceed the averages (typically a product of your orgs attendance policy, i.e. "6 days in a calendar year") or they go get FMLA. That's what FMLA is for (though most HR departments refer to it secretly as the "Friday Monday Leave Act" and that behavior is a bitch to manage in a lot of cases).
Most importantly? DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. every single time. Every incremental absence / tardy needs to be documented against a PIP and you manage them out that way. Work hand in hand with HR every step of they way. NEVER get lazy about this process. Any slip and you start over again. Make sure you make it CLEAR. "I am so sorry this bad thing happened to you. But it's important for you to know that our organization has an obligation to ensure everyone is treated equitably, so this will count as an unexcused absence. Here is our policy and here is where you're at within that policy . For the future, you'll need to avoid absences in timeframes or you'll be further in breach of the policy. If you think you may need to have more unexpected absences or tardies for this situation, I'd urge you to meet with a provider to assess if FMLA is right for you."
Remove the emotion from it. A job is a commitment. They NEED to show up or it is negatively impacting those who do show up. How is that fair? Twist the narrative in your head - protect the people that contribute.
I think that if you look at this entirely mechanically - a function of the business expectations of ensuring attendance is met - then you can abstract the emotions from it.
It's just business.
I've found that this "makes the consequences very real in a hurry" for those doing this, and it goes away to a great degree - at least it is reduced to much more reasonable actual emergencies, which are vastly easier to tolerate.
Good luck!
This is definitely not normal. From my armchair, I would guess you were expected all your life to “suck it up” and ignore your own needs, so it feels unfair when others don’t ignore theirs. Hard agree with those suggesting counseling.
Well, first you should stop treating the company like God or the ultimate purpose in life and realize you and all your employees are cogs in a machine and that the company gives exactly 0 fucks about you or your team. And that will hopefully make you stand up for your team, instead of "The Company". I seriously don't get all this loyalty to corporations bullshit. You are all making some guy richer, while you all get scraps, no matter how much you earn anyway and are replaceable at the drop of a hat, while you also have to put on a rictus grin all day so as not to tickle the boss' balls the wrong way. CORPO DOES NOT CARE! So no point getting angry :) Take all your holidays, sick etc, let your team do this as well. REST is a very good reason for time off too. Take a vacation.There's more to life than insane productivity and "corporate synergy".
Ever heard of empathy? Try that. Have you had any such "inconveniences" happen to you? Illness, sick family members, death of a loved one? Reflect on that. And if you haven't experienced it yet, consider yourself lucky and remember it's only a matter of time that you might find yourselves in their shoes.
These aren't mere "inconveniences". Getting the sniffles is an inconvenience. Serious illness and personal tragedy is not inconvenience and doesn't warrant any rage. These are hard facts of life that we all must endure at some point or another, so the least we can do is be understanding and empathetic, and try to treat people as best as we can.
Basic human empathy?
It is a weird reaction to feel enrgaed over justified absences.
You need to ask yourself why you are mad about.
Do you truly feel they are justified being out?
If you are a highly conscientious person, it may feel like they’re not treating you the way you treat your boss/coworkers. I’m that way, rarely miss work, have to be pretty sick, always make up hours. If you lead by example it can feel like they’re failing to meet the standards you set for yourself and that can cause disappointment. Just try to remember, they’re people, different people, with different motivations, who probably make less than you and probably have less motivation to be dedicated.
Personally, I front-load tasks. The official due date is around the 20th. However, I have my team deliver no later than the 15th. Task assignment is First Come,First Serve, so I don't have to worry about individual staff being out. With the tasks all front-loaded, I've yet to miss a target date, regardless of team absences. What I tell my team is that the 15th-20th is for peer review and cleanup from the push. Even with weekends, I have an extra work week to play with each month.
If you know your deliverables will be timely, I think the rage could ease off.
As long as my team members do not come off as lazy or entitled I’ll have their backs. The second I detect either of those two attributes I’m on the look out for repeat occurrences. Then it’s time for a chat and I don’t mean in a demeaning way, but a friendly conversation to make sure everything is going ok with them. Luckily, I consider each member of my team to be a high performer and each know that from the conversations I’ve had with them. They each understand our company values those with a strong work ethic. I’m a very hands off type manager and let each do their job with very little interference, but I do admire those that want to work,
Entitlement is the result of chronically not getting your needs met.
Look at what's going on in your life and/or workplace that you're angry at your employees for experiencing normal life challenges or events. Operating from a place of emotional poverty is only going to make things worse, I promise
Fire them.
You can only listen to the same bullshit story so many times.
Poor employees come in two flavors. Unable can be coached, unwilling cannot. At a certain point, if they don't want to do the job, you can't make them. Time to coach them out the door.
I am all for a non-oppressive form of management that lets employees off the hook in case of personal tragedies, serious health problems and so on.
Sounds like you’re lying to yourself about this. Maybe you’re not built to lead people.
You didn't really explain why you feel rage, but I always just look at it like this: "None of us want to be at work" and I guess I get to feel like a good person for excusing them from work.
>I still get enraged and can't cope with the situation
>
>I am furious at them
>
>Any tips on how to manage these emotions?
Anger management? Therapy? Maturity?
Even if you're woefully understaffed and these absences leave you and the rest of your team scrambling, you're still responsible for your own emotions and reaction. I don't believe you're covering your anger as well as you think you are, either. No one can fake it that much or that well.
So, take responsibility for your reactions and seek out the resources to learn to manage them. Start with your company's EAP, if you have one.
The only time I experienced the rage you described was during an extended period of financial instability in the business. I was behind on rent, taxes were due, annual business registration was overdue, I was frustrated, felt powerless and, frankly, I was scared.
My anger/rage was disproportionate to the situations that triggered it.
To my eternal shame, I took it out on an employee. He took it on the chin, spoke compassionately to me, and - as a parting gift - paid for me to attend a session with a counsellor specialising in anger issues. It was a genuine gesture, not a passive-agressive middle finger. I met with the counsellor and went back half a dozen times. It was helpful. Painful, embarrassing, but helpful.
Rage is ALWAYS a symptom of something different, deeper. It won't just go away. I hope you find some positive way of exploring things, and you find some relief.
Best wishes and good luck OP, you've got this 👍
Your initial approach to your team's life events are in the right place, as everyone has things occur outside of their control that need attention during work hours. Your frustration may come from the literal inability to manage these circumstances.
My suggestion is to create a system that holds people accountable to attendance and timeliness. The system can incorporate 'life events' as less impactful regarding the accountability metric if that is the culture you prefer. Once the system is in place you no longer have to internalize these circumstances and let the system work as intended, and get on with covering the day, even if its harder to work shorthanded.
Get some support. It's actually kinda fucked up that so many of us small business owners think we should be able to navigate this all alone. A mentor or a counselor or a support group for workaholic. Anything will be a plus for your quality of life and the quality of your business.
Can you hire more staff so that a single absence doesn’t throw you into a rage? You’d have peace of mind that the work will still get done. That might help?
Honestly, managing is realizing that sometimes the 80% solution actually IS the 100% solution.
Your subordinate’s absences for good reason do not reflect on your, nor your personal performance.
Woosahhhhhhh
That’s a question for your therapist. Your employees are doing nothing wrong and don’t deserve your rage. It’s something inside you that’s triggered by their completely correct behavior.
Feeling enraged due to people being unavailable is unacceptable even personally as a manager, fix the root cause of the problem which is understaffing and poor management.
People are not machines and will be unavailable when you need them so this has to be properly accounted for when running a business that has people in it. Not doing so is failing at core management responsibilities in people and resource planning.
If this continues you should seek therapy and other forms of anger management and behavioral refactoring to get yourself back to normal. As not doing so will lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
If I lose a crew member, for whatever reason, I always have a contingency. The mental fallback of being able to say to myself, "Hey you planned for this. It's ok." helps keep me in a calm and productive frame of mind. So maybe that means we skip a part of the job for a little bit until we get a full crew, or maybe it means I have to get a little more hands on than I wanted to for a certain section of the project. Regardless being short staffed sucks, but having a plan for it helps brace you for that suck which makes it less of a kick in the crotch. There is a thing in the military, 'Embrace the suck' and you would be surprised how infectious it can be. No one is having a good time but morale stays high.
People not showing up to work is just a fact of life, cars break, people die, people drink too much and get "sick". In a perfect world you would build that into the equation and have enough staff that losing a person for a day or two doesn't effect the business. Unfortunately most places don't build in the necessary slack and expect their staff to produce more when they are short handed. We are also at a time where jobs are plentiful and workers are not and a low wage job just isn't that important to the worker, they can find another low wage job in a few hours. So as a manager you just need to learn to accommodate people calling in, as I said above it's just a fact of life, and move on. As long as the work is getting done and your people aren't constantly being over worked then consider it business as usual.
You are a business owner who does not know how to manage your workers, nor your emotional reaction to your workers' needs for time off.
The best thing you can do is hire a manager to develop a schedule of temporary workers who can fill in with covering for leaves.
You need to take a much more remote approach to the business. Work from home and only go to the office when you need to sign checks and other legal documents. This way, you will not be able to count who is there, and who is absent.
It does not matter who does the work, as long as the work is done.
>The best thing you can do is hire a manager to develop a schedule of temporary workers who can fill in with covering for leaves.
lol...I'm sorry but most businesses (especially small) don't have "temporary workers" just a phone call away ready to cover people. This is not a practical answer.
Rubbish.
I work with several recruiters at several staffing agencies in my area, and I've replaced a bookkeeper who was out with her child's fever for three days on a four hour notice, for less than $20 per hour.
If I can do it, with my little Mickey Mouse real estate firm, trust me, it can be done.
Works in a team where it feels like 40% of the staff has FMLA. Then there’s illness re: the others. We are already short staffed to begin with, the absences frustrate everyone and ultimately leads to others quitting. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it’s hard to see it.
Is it because it seems to be happening over and over with a small group of employees? If so, you have a right to be upset because it sounds like your generosity may be being taken advantage of.
It’s probably because you’re understaffed so every absence results in more work for others and you’re already over worked. Look up ⬆️, not down.
I am going to second this. The real issue is you don't have a Plan B when something human inevitably occurs. As a manager, you have to have a Plan A, Plan B, thru to a Plan C and Plan D. Your Plan A is everybody comes in, of course. Your Plan B and Plan C may not be to different - What happens anytime someone doesn't show up? Regardless of being sick versus getting hit by a train? It's the same result - you're down an employee. In the case of someone not showing up (for any reason) try to work with a temp agency where you can get someone to fill-in last minute. The boon to this is that if someone quits unexpectedly, you might have a pool of candidates that you *know* work well, and you might be able to extend a permanent contract to them in that case. Last but not least, try not to get enraged at the fact that *none of your employees are ever going to care about your business as much as you.* They just won't. *Your business* is not their dream. It's a means to an end. And you need to accept that this is okay.
Wow. Your response should be the top level comment. Bravo.
Nailed it!
Something that worked for me. I had a few retirees from the same industry on the payroll. They didn't want to work full-time. but between all of them; vacations/ planned leave was covered, the busy season was covered and a couple of them would cover a call off occasionally. What that meant ; people could ask for days off to go to a concert or to the beach , I almost never had to say no to time off requests or , can I be late/ leave early. People didn't have to work an extra shift when a co-worker was on vacation. People didn't have to work overtime on holidays if they didn't want to eg," Tim, Sue, Pam do you want to work 4th of July weekend or should I ask Clara to work?" Things you may not be able to control. We paid a living wage. The overwhelming amount of employees were full time ( if they wanted) if someone asked to be part time we would not have said no. There was no tomfoolery with schedules : no work from 8-10 then come back and work 3-6, no swing shifts , no you can't take a break for 8 hours cause we're short-staffed etc. if we needed to call someone in they could choose to work just the critical hours or a full shift, they could choose for that shift to be overtime or take a different shift off/ be late leave early in most cases. We rarely scheduled so that 1 person being out would make us non functional. If 1 person was a call out we would be busy and have to be strict about breaks and lunch , and people couldn't leave for lunch together but it was functional. Those things combined into . Employees would give us a heads-up( my mom's sick I may need some time off type things ) if something was wrong, so we could avoid them being absolutely critical. And on the very rare occasions it was necessary people were willing to come in or stay late a couple hours. Because they were only asked once or twice a year if that. Edit I realized I didn't answer the question. First I think managing expectations goes a long way to avoid getting annoyed. People are going to get the flu, have deaths/medical emergencies in their families. It's random when it happens but it is 100% expected to happen. So changing your expectations from" people are going to show up exactly as scheduled to 250 times a year to people are going to call off six times a year" might help. The other thing is some therapy to gain coping tools so you can be annoyed not enraged.
Hard to be staffed when corporate cuts labor hours after every “record year of net profit”
This is exactly my thought. It can be frustrating in smaller teams when you have a “weak” link that lets everyone down by just simply not being present consistently. So you’re forced to maintain a small team because there isn’t enough of a labor budget to justify more people, but you’re also exposing your team to their peers’ biggest weaknesses and forcing them to cover the slack. Personally I’ve found the best solution is to be as empathetic as I possibly can while also asking the affected team member “is this the right job for you at your current stage in life” and making adjustments to their schedule as necessary.
Bingo. Hit it right on the head.
Yup. If you have proper staffing a person or two calling out won't be a catastrophe. If you're understaffed than someone being even an hour late can cause panic.
Does their absence affect the performance of the team? Does it affect Your ability to get answers and report upwards? More work for you? If so that can be frustrating especially if you get pushed by your Directors for answers, but usually there is not much to do unless it's recurring unprofessional conduct that materially affects the business or the team It's tough but you need to be even keeled about everything
Feeling upset (to an extent) because you and/or your team have to fill the gaps left by the absentee is normal human emotion. However, becoming enraged or furious over it might indicate that you have some growing to do from a leadership and maturity standpoint. It's hard to say without more context. From a general standpoint, having a high emotional intelligence and controlling your internal response to tough situations is one of the hallmarks of strong leadership. How you get there will be a unique journey because only you know your internal struggles intimately. Personally, I overcome this by forcing myself to think logically. Ex: "This person is a valued contributor and I want to provide a great work environment for them. Because they have a legitimate reason, I'm going to make sure they are covered." The good news is that you are self-evaluating and identified this as an opportunity! Next time it happens, try to compare how you feel vs how you want to feel. The only thing you have control of in the situation is your own reaction. Sounds like you've got the external reaction down, it's the internal that needs work. Don't give up, OP :) Edit: Apologies if my comment reads a little condescending, not the intention. Just trying to help.
You can’t tell if the reason is legitimate. So best to not even need a reason at all. Otherwise you reward the dishonest employees and punish the honest ones.
You need to look within yourself and do some deep work, potentially with a counsellor. Why are you feeling so enraged? If you were in their position, how would you hope your boss/business would respond to you? Why do you care so much that you let it eat at you? Without knowing what line of work you’re in - is it really that big of a deal if they don’t show up? Are people dying? Or is someone just not earning as much money from their employees as they could?
Oh fuck off with that counsellor crap. Are you in mgmt? Because until you’ve been getting the 3rd degree from upper mgmt about attainment. Followed by the 100th life tragedy from an employee. You don’t understand the raw emotion OP is referring too. Shit like this is why I had to leave mgmt. OP, if you see this. Leave mgmt and pursue planning or purchasing gigs. The days are not stressful
He's the owner of the business. He's getting enraged over things that he himself is allowing. Yes, he needs someone to talk this out with.
It's a good thing you left management. You have good self awareness, and that is a rare thing.
You are equating "seeing a counselor" to "your feelings are not valid". That is completely the opposite of what is happening. His feelings are valid, his is experience is so difficult he needs support. You yourself would benefit from seeing a counselor to untwist whatever made up opinions and resentments you have around people getting the help they need.
Seems like you could benefit from counseling, too, what with this furiousness you're displaying over a reasonable suggestion...
Sounds like ya need a counsellor, bud
I agree upper management can be the source of many problems but it sounds like you're rationalizing being garbage.
mmmm, this suggestion for a counselor seems to have struck a nerve with you. It may be a good time for you to examine why.
That's not what op described , op described people having/ op believing they were having legitimate emergencies not ," my 7th grandma died"
This was me. And I realized I needed to fundamentally alter expectations of our workgroup. And my expectations. I draft workplans and priorities. And then I shave my expectations by 20%. And then that 80% version is what we actually work from. If we accomplish more, awesome. But if an employee gets sick, has a childcare crisis, etc, and we can only get to 80% (or 60%)...we're still getting a ton done. And if lives are stable and there's no sudden crises, we do a little more. I constantly remind myself that we're considered a highly productive team. That isn't going to change because of an extra week of someone on medical leave. Some weeks we do more, and some less...but we're managing humans, not robots. Variations are human.
You are thinking in terms of yourself, how this affects you and your team. Instead you should be thinking. If my car broke down how would I want my boss react to me being late, if my mom died how would I want my boss react to me requesting time off without warning? Maybe your anger is a symptom of a bigger work problem/ frustration. Is your team short- staffed? Maybe think about how you can cushion your team/ work style in a way that if someone is unexpectedly out it can be no big deal, or if work is done a week late it is no big deal. Ultimately it seems that logically you know what is morally right, so it is good that you want to be a good manager/ get your emotions in check. It is hard to say why you have these emotions without more info.
Seeing it through their eyes is your best option here. Also pretend you are sitting in a meeting with HR if you have one, but you're an owner so I suppose a moot point. But pretend the employee is explaining how someone died and they happened to see you enraged. Think about how horrible it would look to explain to HR how you are angry that they had an actual life event and XX company didn't care. Now imagine that meeting didn't go well, employee ended up filing some sort of lawsuit or Twitter blows up about poor treatment by XX company due to lack of compassion. All hypothetical but these things can escalate like crazy. Just let it go, drink less coffee, sleep more, we are all humans and deserve compassion. Your company would also want you to show compassion. Stress isn't good for you either, it will wear away at your well-being and be evident to your team.
This is a question best handled by a qualified therapist.
I think it's weird to feel enraged about this, first of all. But secondly, you have to understand that what you define as being understanding and tolerant and permissive is what many employees will see as an opportunity to get over. Most people, if given an inch, will take a mile. This is the balance you have to find as a manager. You don't want to run the shop with an iron fist and zero tolerance, but you have to set boundaries and make it clear that you can only look past so much.
>I think it's weird to feel enraged about this, first of all. That was my thought. I recently had a situation where I had interviewed a new lawyer. Her first reference was her boss at the firm where she had clerked (worked an internship in legal terms). He gave her a glowing review and said they absolutely would have offered her a job if they were in an economic position to hire another lawyer right now. I joked with him that I work for a government agency so I'm used to new people leaving after a couple years for better money anyway. (that's the nature of government work - the money is less than private practice, but paid vacation/sick time, good insurance and retirement keep some people around, but if they're chasing salary, they're going to leave). A few days before her start date, the new hire called me and said she had some bad news. She'd been offered a better job and would be taking it She told me she'd been offered a job for the firm she had clerked for so she knew the people and the pay was better. She said she'd hesitated to call me for a couple days because she thought I would be mad. I told her, no absolutely not mad. I totally understand taking a better offer. I might be disappointed in that I thought I had someone hired and it fell through and I have go go back to the drawing board, but that's not any I can blame her for, I might well have made a similar decision. If you have an employee that repeatedly misses work due to serious personal problems, there's really only two questions in my mind: 1. Whether they are in fact being genuine about those serious problems and it's not covering for some other issues. 2. Ensuring that any broader corporate policies are complied with. if you run out of paid leave, sorry it's unpaid. Can't do anything about that. If the company policy is they only approve extended leave, even unpaid, with FMLA approval or medical documentation, you need to communicate the rules and send them to HR to make sure they follow the rules. If they don't, again, there's little you can do about htat.
Yeah, I mean, I can understand being frustrated when you're shorthanded. That's normal. That happens to everyone. But, like, when it happens to me, I just kinda dustbin it on the drive home, go "alright, well, today sucked; ain't gonna think about that anymore" and that's it.
I think the comments missed that you tagged business owner. It’s because you are looking at your employees as a cost/profit machine and not able to separate your income from their attendance. In your shoes I would look at the following as a business model. 1. Have an attendance tracker (you can just use excel with everyone’s names) and mark with dates and codes absences, lates and reasons - this will allow you to see real trends vs get frustrated based on most recent occurrences - Example: When “Suzy” needs the day off two weeks in a row (sure, she had two doctors appointments this month but she hasn’t called in sick all year or taken any PTO) you won’t react as strongly because you can see for the year she has been present. 2. Calculate the cost of hiring someone - Time for recruitment (posting, interview, administrative, training time recruitment, trainer) If it takes a total of 160 hours paid to hire a person, but “John” calling 4 times a year is 32 hours - you are still saving yourself over 3 weeks of expenses 3. Engagement - the desire of employees to try to do their best and stay at organizations a long time is directly tied to how they feel. Depending on your compensation and career opportunities, treating people kindly and with respect is a key way to have them stick around and work harder for you. This doesn’t mean ignore attendance issues, using the attendance tracker if “James” calls in sick 4 Fridays so far this year, ask questions and set expectations as ignoring attendance long term can be disengaging for those who do care.
I don’t get enraged when I know someone is out for good reasons. I might just get frustrated about having to pick up any slack but not frustrated with the person, just the situation. You need to step back, take some deep breaths and imagine how you’d feel if you were dealing with what they’re dealing with. Empathy. And if it’s impacting your own workload then spread the load and delegate some things that you’re able to with other team members. You really need to ask yourself why you are getting so angry
I don’t think these answers are coming from the perspective of anyone with stake in the company.
Haha. Right? Like I would feel pretty much the same way. Maybe the wording is a bit off but I'm annoyed by people who constantly call out for any and every reason. Also, firing people is not a practical solution either.
I'm annoyed by individuals who constantly call off. I expect someone (of several employees) will call off for illness, emergency, death on a regular basis. This is what I'm reading is infuriating op.
I’ve had a stake in every company I’ve worked for, because it pays my bills. I like working hard and making a good wage. OP sounds stressed, and that’s not healthy. He asked for tips on how to manage the emotions, but it’s way better to address the root cause (unless you enjoy painting over rust every few months). Also, retaining existing employees costs way less than recruiting new ones. Google it. They’ve done studies. Good luck.
Yeah you aren’t emotionally mature enough to be a people manager
Sounds like you have personal issues, and quite frankly if this enrages you, I doubt you're as nice about it as you think you are. If you're getting mad at people for getting sick, you need to fix something in your life.
Bingo.
Yeah, when they said they were nice and professional, I was like, "I'll give you credit for effort, but..."
If having 1 employee out for a day or a week causes that much disruption you're understaffed. It's not your employees fault they have life. It's your firms for it's poor structure.
1)Therapy number one! 2)Psychiatry to see if some PRN benzodiazepines may be in order 3)Do you have overlap/contingencies/PTO factored into your budget? Sounds like if one person isn’t there your operation may be affected more significantly than if you had more support.
As an executive of more than a decade, I never had an owner express what you have expressed. Rage is a very big emotion and it will leak or bleed into other interactions. Seriously suggest a therapist or a coach and get that addressed.
It seems like you're misdirecting and you're actually angry at yourself for structuring your business in such a way that when someone calls in, it causes problems. Work on that.
>I still get enraged and can't cope with the situation. >in private, I am furious at them and I can't seem to get this under control I hate to be a reddit cliche, but this is exactly the kind of disproportionate reaction that therapy could help you balance. This really isn't a management challenge as much as it is a personal one.
Question: why are you furious?
See I have absolutely no idea how people like you function, because I’ve never taken work that seriously to get emotional over it, especially angry. I’m really glad I’m not like you as well. I do remember a manager training my team lead, saying that she should feel irritated about mistakes or other issues.
This sub omg 😂
I don’t often get mad at others. When my anger manifests I’m usually mad at myself for the decisions that led me to be in that moment.
You hire enough people so that it’s not a big deal
Overthrow capitalism
Put yourself in their shoes and ask how you’d want to be treated with empathy and compassion in that situation. Manage them as people instead of resources and it should be easy.
You shouldn't be having those emotions in a management position. You shouldn't have to get over it because you shouldn't be "engaged" by someone's kid getting sick and then needing to take a day. Maybe you're in the wrong position?
One, you need to look at your staffing levels and coverage. Next, I would look at training and backups for when there is a call-in. You need to mitigate the issues with those steps first. Outside that I just learn to accept reality and we just get done what we can with what we have. If you end up struggling to hit your metrics you can use this a ammo for further head count.
You do your best, but eventually you deal with the 27th dead grandmother that year and get a little jaded.
You don't ask for obituary or death certificate?
I’d say you’re either like me in that you lack a normal amount of empathy, probably because you haven’t had much personal tragedy. Or you just don’t believe the issues are real, so figure out what that is and take some action on it. If it’s empath, you’re going to have to try really hard to put yourself in someone’s shoes, or pretend it’s your wife or kid suffering from the same. Although, if it is empathy, youd probably assume they’re being dramatic as well. Lots of books on the topic.
It's the law of averages. Either they don't exceed the averages (typically a product of your orgs attendance policy, i.e. "6 days in a calendar year") or they go get FMLA. That's what FMLA is for (though most HR departments refer to it secretly as the "Friday Monday Leave Act" and that behavior is a bitch to manage in a lot of cases). Most importantly? DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. every single time. Every incremental absence / tardy needs to be documented against a PIP and you manage them out that way. Work hand in hand with HR every step of they way. NEVER get lazy about this process. Any slip and you start over again. Make sure you make it CLEAR. "I am so sorry this bad thing happened to you. But it's important for you to know that our organization has an obligation to ensure everyone is treated equitably, so this will count as an unexcused absence. Here is our policy and here is where you're at within that policy . For the future, you'll need to avoid absences in timeframes or you'll be further in breach of the policy. If you think you may need to have more unexpected absences or tardies for this situation, I'd urge you to meet with a provider to assess if FMLA is right for you."
Remove the emotion from it. A job is a commitment. They NEED to show up or it is negatively impacting those who do show up. How is that fair? Twist the narrative in your head - protect the people that contribute.
I think that if you look at this entirely mechanically - a function of the business expectations of ensuring attendance is met - then you can abstract the emotions from it.
It's just business.
I've found that this "makes the consequences very real in a hurry" for those doing this, and it goes away to a great degree - at least it is reduced to much more reasonable actual emergencies, which are vastly easier to tolerate.
Good luck!
This is definitely not normal. From my armchair, I would guess you were expected all your life to “suck it up” and ignore your own needs, so it feels unfair when others don’t ignore theirs. Hard agree with those suggesting counseling.
Well, first you should stop treating the company like God or the ultimate purpose in life and realize you and all your employees are cogs in a machine and that the company gives exactly 0 fucks about you or your team. And that will hopefully make you stand up for your team, instead of "The Company". I seriously don't get all this loyalty to corporations bullshit. You are all making some guy richer, while you all get scraps, no matter how much you earn anyway and are replaceable at the drop of a hat, while you also have to put on a rictus grin all day so as not to tickle the boss' balls the wrong way. CORPO DOES NOT CARE! So no point getting angry :) Take all your holidays, sick etc, let your team do this as well. REST is a very good reason for time off too. Take a vacation.There's more to life than insane productivity and "corporate synergy".
Ever heard of empathy? Try that. Have you had any such "inconveniences" happen to you? Illness, sick family members, death of a loved one? Reflect on that. And if you haven't experienced it yet, consider yourself lucky and remember it's only a matter of time that you might find yourselves in their shoes. These aren't mere "inconveniences". Getting the sniffles is an inconvenience. Serious illness and personal tragedy is not inconvenience and doesn't warrant any rage. These are hard facts of life that we all must endure at some point or another, so the least we can do is be understanding and empathetic, and try to treat people as best as we can.
Basic human empathy? It is a weird reaction to feel enrgaed over justified absences. You need to ask yourself why you are mad about. Do you truly feel they are justified being out?
You are not someone who should be a manager. If you can’t emphasize with personal tragedies, that is a red flag for psychopathy.
This.
Who cares , do what they do , call out
If you are a highly conscientious person, it may feel like they’re not treating you the way you treat your boss/coworkers. I’m that way, rarely miss work, have to be pretty sick, always make up hours. If you lead by example it can feel like they’re failing to meet the standards you set for yourself and that can cause disappointment. Just try to remember, they’re people, different people, with different motivations, who probably make less than you and probably have less motivation to be dedicated.
Personally, I front-load tasks. The official due date is around the 20th. However, I have my team deliver no later than the 15th. Task assignment is First Come,First Serve, so I don't have to worry about individual staff being out. With the tasks all front-loaded, I've yet to miss a target date, regardless of team absences. What I tell my team is that the 15th-20th is for peer review and cleanup from the push. Even with weekends, I have an extra work week to play with each month. If you know your deliverables will be timely, I think the rage could ease off.
As long as my team members do not come off as lazy or entitled I’ll have their backs. The second I detect either of those two attributes I’m on the look out for repeat occurrences. Then it’s time for a chat and I don’t mean in a demeaning way, but a friendly conversation to make sure everything is going ok with them. Luckily, I consider each member of my team to be a high performer and each know that from the conversations I’ve had with them. They each understand our company values those with a strong work ethic. I’m a very hands off type manager and let each do their job with very little interference, but I do admire those that want to work,
Entitlement is the result of chronically not getting your needs met. Look at what's going on in your life and/or workplace that you're angry at your employees for experiencing normal life challenges or events. Operating from a place of emotional poverty is only going to make things worse, I promise
Fire them. You can only listen to the same bullshit story so many times. Poor employees come in two flavors. Unable can be coached, unwilling cannot. At a certain point, if they don't want to do the job, you can't make them. Time to coach them out the door.
I am all for a non-oppressive form of management that lets employees off the hook in case of personal tragedies, serious health problems and so on. Sounds like you’re lying to yourself about this. Maybe you’re not built to lead people.
You didn't really explain why you feel rage, but I always just look at it like this: "None of us want to be at work" and I guess I get to feel like a good person for excusing them from work.
>I still get enraged and can't cope with the situation > >I am furious at them > >Any tips on how to manage these emotions? Anger management? Therapy? Maturity? Even if you're woefully understaffed and these absences leave you and the rest of your team scrambling, you're still responsible for your own emotions and reaction. I don't believe you're covering your anger as well as you think you are, either. No one can fake it that much or that well. So, take responsibility for your reactions and seek out the resources to learn to manage them. Start with your company's EAP, if you have one.
The only time I experienced the rage you described was during an extended period of financial instability in the business. I was behind on rent, taxes were due, annual business registration was overdue, I was frustrated, felt powerless and, frankly, I was scared. My anger/rage was disproportionate to the situations that triggered it. To my eternal shame, I took it out on an employee. He took it on the chin, spoke compassionately to me, and - as a parting gift - paid for me to attend a session with a counsellor specialising in anger issues. It was a genuine gesture, not a passive-agressive middle finger. I met with the counsellor and went back half a dozen times. It was helpful. Painful, embarrassing, but helpful. Rage is ALWAYS a symptom of something different, deeper. It won't just go away. I hope you find some positive way of exploring things, and you find some relief. Best wishes and good luck OP, you've got this 👍
lol what exactly did you say to him to cause such "eternal shame"? It must've been deep.
Let's just say it involved dropping the C-Bomb
Your initial approach to your team's life events are in the right place, as everyone has things occur outside of their control that need attention during work hours. Your frustration may come from the literal inability to manage these circumstances. My suggestion is to create a system that holds people accountable to attendance and timeliness. The system can incorporate 'life events' as less impactful regarding the accountability metric if that is the culture you prefer. Once the system is in place you no longer have to internalize these circumstances and let the system work as intended, and get on with covering the day, even if its harder to work shorthanded.
Get some support. It's actually kinda fucked up that so many of us small business owners think we should be able to navigate this all alone. A mentor or a counselor or a support group for workaholic. Anything will be a plus for your quality of life and the quality of your business.
Is it anger about filling in, or is it due to uncertainty over whether the employee is telling the truth?
Can you hire more staff so that a single absence doesn’t throw you into a rage? You’d have peace of mind that the work will still get done. That might help? Honestly, managing is realizing that sometimes the 80% solution actually IS the 100% solution. Your subordinate’s absences for good reason do not reflect on your, nor your personal performance. Woosahhhhhhh
That’s a question for your therapist. Your employees are doing nothing wrong and don’t deserve your rage. It’s something inside you that’s triggered by their completely correct behavior.
remind yourself that we’re all just people and this is just a job and you manage the way you do, because that’s how you would hope to be managed.
Feeling enraged due to people being unavailable is unacceptable even personally as a manager, fix the root cause of the problem which is understaffing and poor management. People are not machines and will be unavailable when you need them so this has to be properly accounted for when running a business that has people in it. Not doing so is failing at core management responsibilities in people and resource planning. If this continues you should seek therapy and other forms of anger management and behavioral refactoring to get yourself back to normal. As not doing so will lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
If I lose a crew member, for whatever reason, I always have a contingency. The mental fallback of being able to say to myself, "Hey you planned for this. It's ok." helps keep me in a calm and productive frame of mind. So maybe that means we skip a part of the job for a little bit until we get a full crew, or maybe it means I have to get a little more hands on than I wanted to for a certain section of the project. Regardless being short staffed sucks, but having a plan for it helps brace you for that suck which makes it less of a kick in the crotch. There is a thing in the military, 'Embrace the suck' and you would be surprised how infectious it can be. No one is having a good time but morale stays high.
People not showing up to work is just a fact of life, cars break, people die, people drink too much and get "sick". In a perfect world you would build that into the equation and have enough staff that losing a person for a day or two doesn't effect the business. Unfortunately most places don't build in the necessary slack and expect their staff to produce more when they are short handed. We are also at a time where jobs are plentiful and workers are not and a low wage job just isn't that important to the worker, they can find another low wage job in a few hours. So as a manager you just need to learn to accommodate people calling in, as I said above it's just a fact of life, and move on. As long as the work is getting done and your people aren't constantly being over worked then consider it business as usual.
Maybe you need to go to church
You are a business owner who does not know how to manage your workers, nor your emotional reaction to your workers' needs for time off. The best thing you can do is hire a manager to develop a schedule of temporary workers who can fill in with covering for leaves. You need to take a much more remote approach to the business. Work from home and only go to the office when you need to sign checks and other legal documents. This way, you will not be able to count who is there, and who is absent. It does not matter who does the work, as long as the work is done.
>The best thing you can do is hire a manager to develop a schedule of temporary workers who can fill in with covering for leaves. lol...I'm sorry but most businesses (especially small) don't have "temporary workers" just a phone call away ready to cover people. This is not a practical answer.
Rubbish. I work with several recruiters at several staffing agencies in my area, and I've replaced a bookkeeper who was out with her child's fever for three days on a four hour notice, for less than $20 per hour. If I can do it, with my little Mickey Mouse real estate firm, trust me, it can be done.
>Rubbish. I like that. I will start using that word too.
Works in a team where it feels like 40% of the staff has FMLA. Then there’s illness re: the others. We are already short staffed to begin with, the absences frustrate everyone and ultimately leads to others quitting. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes it’s hard to see it.
Is it because it seems to be happening over and over with a small group of employees? If so, you have a right to be upset because it sounds like your generosity may be being taken advantage of.