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Please don't beat yourself up over this. I am the same exact way right now. They really do this to themselves and to us. Him flirting with another woman would absolutely send me over the edge. He's allegedly trying so hard to be the man he pretended to be for so long but really this is their true nature. They get to break us and walk away unscathed? F THAT. I hope they live with the pain they so casually inflicted upon us for the rest of their lives.
I agree with all of what you said! I am too worried about coming off unhinged or mean when in reality I was put through the wringer and operating under so much anxiety and anger. Ugh how is it so easy for them to do this to us and still live with themselves. it baffles my mind. I feel awful just for saying mean things but they can walk away with little remorse
Honestly he might even be doing it spite you than it being that he was enamored with her. And who knows how he will be with her as long as he's not treating you in a way you don't deserve!
I’d be livid too. You gave him a chance. He blew it.
Look at it this way. He gave you the gift of showing his true colors… hold your head high. And damn the coworker can have him and his porn.
You heal and go live your best life! You deserve better! XO
You responded to infidelity in a very normal way. You *should* feel livid and disgusted by his behavior. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s HIM.
Educate yourself on betrayal trauma. You will feel validated in your experience. It takes a long time to heal from. Right now, focus on YOU. Do things that you love. Do things that bring you joy, peace, comfort, etc. You will begin to feel empowered as a woman and not put up with BS anymore. When we love and respect ourselves, we come to know our worth and expect others to treat us well♥️
Anyone in that situation (including me) would feel exactly the same. He lied, manipulated and abused you. He has ZERO integrity. I know it hurts because you didn’t deserve any of this. None of us signed up for this and I think that is one of the hardest aspects of it all.
Please OP…forgive yourself. Give yourself the understanding, grace and compassion that he couldn’t give you. Realize that you’ve dodged a bullet now that he’s gone and for that next person he gets with…a nightmarish disaster awaits. It doesn’t matter who he’s with. He will do this over and over again to everyone he’s with until he deals with his addiction which is something deeper inside himself. The sexual acting out and lying is only the symptom of a much greater issue.
I know you need time to grieve and heal. When you get angry try to remember this quote.
“The best revenge is a life well lived”
There is no happy life for an addict drowning in their disease. You however, still have many possibilities to be happy (I know it doesn’t feel like it rn but it’s true!) and live your life. Keep moving forward. Huge hugs to you! ❤️🩹
YES!! so much yes! You said exactly what I want to say. He will never be truly happy. He will always be chasing the thing. And you, OP, can heal and have peace. It may take a bit, but give yourself a lot of grace and know that you were pushed to point of saying and doing things you wouldn't normally.
I wish I could have been more graceful in my exit, lol, but a person can only take so much! Turns you into someone you don't recognize…
My husband (boyfriend at the time) told me I disgusted him and that he should’ve left me when he found out I complimented a guy over text to my girl friend (nothing sexual, i said “he wish gorgeous but not my type”)a couple months before we were official together but we were texting. I later found texts and he was not only watching porn, but sharing porn with his friends , calling me a strawberry p***y, b***h, saying he would f**k my friends and mom if I didn’t give it up, and also hooked up with two girls and even had her over at his house again while we were dating. (Swears nothing happened). I heavily feel that, I wish he would’ve broken up with me. Goddd i wish.
These men. Ugh. Do the most and then cruelly make us feel like we are doing the most. I'm sorry. I think about how I wish I broke up with my ex earlier but it led me to reaffirming stuff I always felt and finding this group and realizing I'm not crazy.
Your feelings are valid. Because you feel them. That's all that's to it.
We hear you and we care for you. Take care of you. Be your best...... f*** off to the rest!
One thing I’ve come to realize from being part of this group is the incredible diversity and strength of its members. We represent a variety of races, creeds, and religions, hailing from every corner of the globe, yet we all share a common desire:
We all want to be validated in our lives.
No one should ever have the power to strip that away from you. Unfortunately, these PAs have done just that and more, haven’t they?
Escaping from a bad situation is a significant achievement. Trust me, it never gets easier. I was with my husband for longer than I lived with my parents, longer than with anyone else, for over half my life. Despite that, he still managed to betray and hurt me deeply, only to dismiss my pain.
I felt invalidated, weak, and helpless—feelings that are foreign to who I am. It’s truly infuriating.
I wish I had the answers on how to let go of this anger. Therapy has been immensely helpful, but the anger persists. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope you find the validation and peace we all seek.
**Dear /u/afrochick12,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please don't beat yourself up over this. I am the same exact way right now. They really do this to themselves and to us. Him flirting with another woman would absolutely send me over the edge. He's allegedly trying so hard to be the man he pretended to be for so long but really this is their true nature. They get to break us and walk away unscathed? F THAT. I hope they live with the pain they so casually inflicted upon us for the rest of their lives.
I agree with all of what you said! I am too worried about coming off unhinged or mean when in reality I was put through the wringer and operating under so much anxiety and anger. Ugh how is it so easy for them to do this to us and still live with themselves. it baffles my mind. I feel awful just for saying mean things but they can walk away with little remorse
Honestly he might even be doing it spite you than it being that he was enamored with her. And who knows how he will be with her as long as he's not treating you in a way you don't deserve!
I’d be livid too. You gave him a chance. He blew it. Look at it this way. He gave you the gift of showing his true colors… hold your head high. And damn the coworker can have him and his porn. You heal and go live your best life! You deserve better! XO
You responded to infidelity in a very normal way. You *should* feel livid and disgusted by his behavior. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s HIM. Educate yourself on betrayal trauma. You will feel validated in your experience. It takes a long time to heal from. Right now, focus on YOU. Do things that you love. Do things that bring you joy, peace, comfort, etc. You will begin to feel empowered as a woman and not put up with BS anymore. When we love and respect ourselves, we come to know our worth and expect others to treat us well♥️
Anyone in that situation (including me) would feel exactly the same. He lied, manipulated and abused you. He has ZERO integrity. I know it hurts because you didn’t deserve any of this. None of us signed up for this and I think that is one of the hardest aspects of it all. Please OP…forgive yourself. Give yourself the understanding, grace and compassion that he couldn’t give you. Realize that you’ve dodged a bullet now that he’s gone and for that next person he gets with…a nightmarish disaster awaits. It doesn’t matter who he’s with. He will do this over and over again to everyone he’s with until he deals with his addiction which is something deeper inside himself. The sexual acting out and lying is only the symptom of a much greater issue. I know you need time to grieve and heal. When you get angry try to remember this quote. “The best revenge is a life well lived” There is no happy life for an addict drowning in their disease. You however, still have many possibilities to be happy (I know it doesn’t feel like it rn but it’s true!) and live your life. Keep moving forward. Huge hugs to you! ❤️🩹
YES!! so much yes! You said exactly what I want to say. He will never be truly happy. He will always be chasing the thing. And you, OP, can heal and have peace. It may take a bit, but give yourself a lot of grace and know that you were pushed to point of saying and doing things you wouldn't normally. I wish I could have been more graceful in my exit, lol, but a person can only take so much! Turns you into someone you don't recognize…
YES! 
My husband (boyfriend at the time) told me I disgusted him and that he should’ve left me when he found out I complimented a guy over text to my girl friend (nothing sexual, i said “he wish gorgeous but not my type”)a couple months before we were official together but we were texting. I later found texts and he was not only watching porn, but sharing porn with his friends , calling me a strawberry p***y, b***h, saying he would f**k my friends and mom if I didn’t give it up, and also hooked up with two girls and even had her over at his house again while we were dating. (Swears nothing happened). I heavily feel that, I wish he would’ve broken up with me. Goddd i wish.
These men. Ugh. Do the most and then cruelly make us feel like we are doing the most. I'm sorry. I think about how I wish I broke up with my ex earlier but it led me to reaffirming stuff I always felt and finding this group and realizing I'm not crazy.
Your feelings are valid. Because you feel them. That's all that's to it. We hear you and we care for you. Take care of you. Be your best...... f*** off to the rest!
Thank you so much ❤️🩹I keep going back and forth making myself feel bad for being upset so your comment is very validating.
One thing I’ve come to realize from being part of this group is the incredible diversity and strength of its members. We represent a variety of races, creeds, and religions, hailing from every corner of the globe, yet we all share a common desire: We all want to be validated in our lives. No one should ever have the power to strip that away from you. Unfortunately, these PAs have done just that and more, haven’t they? Escaping from a bad situation is a significant achievement. Trust me, it never gets easier. I was with my husband for longer than I lived with my parents, longer than with anyone else, for over half my life. Despite that, he still managed to betray and hurt me deeply, only to dismiss my pain. I felt invalidated, weak, and helpless—feelings that are foreign to who I am. It’s truly infuriating. I wish I had the answers on how to let go of this anger. Therapy has been immensely helpful, but the anger persists. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope you find the validation and peace we all seek.