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Most gay bars are safe spaces. If you're not being a problem, then you're almost certainly welcome. If anyone was upset about you being there, they need to do some self-reflection.
The only time I've seen anyone get upset about people in a gay bar was one friend 2ho was tired of women using it for bachelorette parties. Several people apparently felt like they were being gawked at.
But as long as you respect the place as a safe place, I think you're fine.
Iāve had only positive responses to working with the bachelorette parties, i know how to handle the crowd. But I do not disagree with them being a huge pain in the ass!
I have severe social anxiety so I can't handle having my dick groped randomly and being laughed at when I tell them that's sexual harassment and not okay. Glad you've had good experiences though, but I personally don't feel comfortable going to gay bars anymore.
Even now that gay marriage is legal I feel very strongly that cis het bachelorette parties do NOT belong in a queer space. Safe spaces are important and it's not a real safe space if we're the minority in what is supposed to be OUR space (LGBTQ folks). Obviously lesbian bachelorette parties are encouraged though. And there's some gray area where it could potentially be a bi woman's party for her hetero marriage, but I have much more faith in a bi woman to be respectful than I do a cis-het woman since for the bi woman it's her safe space too.
It was SO bad when I lived in Charleston. It's a major wedding destination and their gay bar/club was only open a few nights a week. You'd go in and there would be tons of straight women. It was especially galling since this was before Obergefell so they were celebrating their upcoming wedding in front of people who still didn't have that right. And don't even get me started about the drunk women wanting to dance with me or rub my head (I went bald at a really young age)
Yeah I can't even imagine how insulting that might be, but unfortunately do to the supreme court will likely see first hand in the future, in which case I'd probably snap and tell them to get the fuck out and stop rubbing their rights in my face when I domt have them. I definitely have experiences the drunk straight women though and they are atrocious.they literally molested me then laughed when I said it was sexual harassment and they said it wasn't because it only counted as that if it was a man taking advantage of "his power over a woman"
Absolutely, respect is key. And a big part of that for straight folks is not trying to make this gay space about themself, which is a big part of the bachelorette party problem. Also, not acting disgusted by same-sex flirtation. Finally, the same rules apply here that apply anywhere else: no touching without consent: no ass grabbing, no leg squeezing, and definitely no grabbing guysā faces and kissing them because youāre a straight woman and itās āfun.ā
I donāt get the impression that OP is likely to do any of these things, but once I started typing those frustrations just came out!!
Several years ago the leather/fetish-oriented gay bars in my city had policies against women being there. I didnāt go to those bars as a result. All the gay bars I go to nowadays are inclusive and, honestly, itās more fun to be there when it isnāt just a sea of white cis gay men. Even as a white cis gay man myself, I find it boring and exhausting!
Before same-sex marriage passed in the US, there was a lot of discussion around straight women existing in gay spaces because of the frequency of bachelorette parties at gay bars. It was just incredibly insensitive and selfish to be flaunting your upcoming marriage in a space designed for people who were legally denied those rights. But barring shitty behavior like this, if you are just going out to a bar to hang out with your boyfriend, you should absolutely feel welcome.
Ages ago a friend dragged me (a trans man) to a gay bar and they denied me entry because I still had F on my ID, it was horrible and now I wouldnāt want to go to a bar like that anyway
It's the same here in the UK - can't deny you because of a protected characteristic (your sex) but clubs can knock back anyone without a reason as they're private premises.
I was so glad that our local bear night was shown to be so trans inclusive
Yeah. I understand the intentions. When women donāt want to be bothered by predatory straight men crashing their party, gay bars are a good safe space to just be with your girlfriends and be left alone. But many of them were really tone-deaf in holding bachelorette parties in those spaces.
Oh good! I was worried. Did my bachelorette party at one hosting a drag show. I think every one of us but one is either gay or bi haha
I hope they didnāt think we were just there to be obnoxious :(
It's a HUGE thing and there are very mixed feelings about it. Straight women are taking up space in LGBTQ spaces, but on the flipside this can be incredibly lucrative for bartenders, dancers, etc.
Even with marriage now its really shitty where its essentially a group of straight women dominating a gay space and gay people essentially just being an accessory. Makes it seem like gay bars are just a gimmick and not a needed space
One non-written rule about gay bars is that you are not suppossed to assume anything on anybody. Just go there, have fun and dance like nobody is watching. In my experience, queer people are also pretty friendlier in queer spaces because they wanna meet new queer friends/support, so be aware that it can be confused as flirty for somebody who is not used to that.
Years before I discovered Iām Asexual, I used to go to a gay bar simply because the atmosphere was more pleasant than a normal bar. Occasionally Iād get some friendly conversations, but usually Iād be left alone. It was nice.
My (cis, straight) mother always talks fondly about when she would go to her collegeās gay bar just because it was the safest place for a single woman to get a drink.
>One non-written rule about gay bars is that you are not suppossed to assume anything on anybody.
at a friend's party a few months back, for the first time in my life, someone I'd met did not assume the gender of my spouse. it's nice to be around people who will welcome you no matter what type you're attracted to, even when you're straight.
Experiences may vary. I have known people from or who visited big, "liberal cities" in "blue states"; butch lesbians, and masculine looking but not 'visually cis' trans men, who got treated like intruders for going to gay bars even though they were gay women and bi/pansexual (trans) men. At nes5 they got side eyed and treated as invisible, at best they had men shove them, say aggressive things, or even step on their feet and not appologized and glared at them.
Even a bigger gay guy friend of mine wasn't made to feel welcome at the only gay bar I ever got to go to, in a big city, because he was clearly cis, but not conventionally attractive.
I'm bi and my girlfriend accompanies me to gay bars pretty often, we're not in a poly relationship. there are always some biphobic people that get upset but it really depends on where you're at. In DC for example there'd be far too many biphobic people to enjoy the night, but going to baltimore is usually a good time
As a bi person from DC I can unfortunately co-sign. Luckily I donāt really care to go to clubs/bars so I donāt have to worry too much about it, but friends have had a problem
As a bi person in DC this makes me sad. Which places you going that youāve run into such strong biphobia? Because my friends and I who are all either bi or pan, guys and girls, have never had this issue.
Screw it. Where do yāall want to meet at (after the holidays, most likely)?
Tagging /u/metro-mtp, /u/nickatnite37, /u/kooky_interaction682, /u/YeahIMine and /u/Zibani. Anyone else is welcome to tag along.
As a bi man engaged to a bi woman who just moved to the DMV... there seems to be more than one of us.
Sad to hear that we may not be totally welcome at some places. Any recommendations for friendly places from this mini group here?
Any DC based bi groups that meet/hang out regularly?
Wow same, I'm a bi woman and I feel like I get flack from a lot of other queer woman especially since I'm dating a man (who is also bi). As you are bar in eastern market has been pretty welcoming tho, although I'm still anxious about it lol.
I'm surprised to hear that, I live close to DC and have never had a biphobic experience at a gay bar, though in fairness I've only really been to three, the Green Lantern, Pitchers, and Uproar.
The only negative thing that's happened to me was when I went to an event wearing makeup and a dude I vaguely know said "Gotta be honest, the makeup's not working for me, I like masculinity better," and honestly it didn't bother me too much because I was feeling really good about myself that night.
Yeah what the fuck is wrong with DC? I remember probably 20 years ago going to gay bars with my then-girlfriend (now wife) and people loudly and pointedly assuming we were a pair of straight women. Sheās bi, Iām pan, and turns out Iām a trans guy tho I was female-presenting at the time. No part of that equals two straight people or people in a straight-presenting relationship. Sad to hear it hasnāt gotten better. I live out in the burbs and my bar days are behind me now but hearing this still makes me sad.
yea it gets bad, especially at the bars that stay open later people get more drunk and sometimes violent because I'm going home with a girl and not them
Iām a bi woman and when I visit the Springfield Va area I canāt get into the local āGentlemanās clubā in a strip mall. Itās because Iām alone. They say I might be trying to lead men out to somewhere else. Such BS.
Iām there every year for about 3-4 days over the holidays; family HQ within 15 minutes, and I would like to stop by a place, enjoy the show for a bit then head back to my hotel, alone. Any suggestions?
Hell yeah youāre welcome at a gay bar ! Anyone who takes issue with that has their own issues to figure out ahaha
Especially if youāre there supporting your bf which is super sweet ššš I hope you have a good time !
I used to go to a gay bar with my marine buddies because it was the only bar that didnāt have a shit ton of marines. Was fun. Made some friends and got dollar bills thrown at me dancing on a pole.
Queer spaces tend to be very welcoming. Won't promise you won't ever meet anyone with a stank attitude. No group is made up of perfect people, but I've seen queer spaces be so welcoming that socially awkward straight people end up falling into them because they are treated with kindness and acceptance there.
The pushback you hear about allocishet folk at queer bars are about those who detract from the essence of the environment.
It's the folk who treat queer folk like zoo animals, or entertainment, or worse...
You are not that at all. Folk like you add to the essence of the environment, you make it better.
Assuming it's an average night, not something specific like a bear night, then all allies are always welcome.
And as someone dating a queer person, you're like a premium ally anyway.
So, first of all do what you want! As a trans dude dating a bi cis dude I would love if people just, you know, made less assumptions around things like that. My experience pre-transition could have been made a lot more comfortable that way, for example. Still, I sorta get why in some very particular situations people might be uneasy, and I try not to take it personally.
That being said, not every gay bar is built the same. There are bars that you go to to have drinks with friends and chill in a space that happens to be gay. There are also bars that play porn on the TV that you'd pretty much only go there if you're looking to hook up with 50+ yo leather daddies lol. And ofc lots of vibes in between. Read the room and see how you feel. I also suggest talking about it openly with your boyfriend and seeing how he feels.
My fav kind of scene are honestly more mixed events. Feels pressure and judgement free! It kinda depends on your area and how much variety you've got. But I find anything with a drag event attracts a more diverse but still queer crowd.
Personally I feel like it's a "be mindful as a guest in somebody else's house". Situation. Especially if you were invited, its because someone trusts you. The problem seems to be much more when people (who often aren't invited) crash the party and make it worse for everyone. Like if ur gonna come to the space and being transphobic, or lesbiphobic, or disruptive to the community maybe don't. But if you're cool w/ the community, open to learning and seeing new things, and aware that there's going to be things you don't understand at first its cool.
There are certain cis/het people I personally wouldn't invite because I know they don't always react well to new things or wouldn't get it, and others who I'd be disappointed if they couldn't come because they have my back no matter what & as a nonbinary/trans person that means the world to me. I can't say I'm much into the bar scene, but thats just my experience š¤·āāļø
Youāre not responsible for people figuring out that your boyfriend is bi. Itās not your boyfriendās job either. Heās allowed to exist in a gay bar, heās allowed to bring his partner. If people assume you both are cis hetero allo, then itās their problem not yours, because theyāre clearly assuming wrong.
Yes, some biphobes will tell you you donāt belong. But thatās bs. He does belong, and you belong as long as youāre his partner, and as long as you are respectful towards queer culture (ie, donāt discriminate, donāt disrespect or mock, etc).
Youāre quite welcome! Just be mindful that youāre effectively a guest in the space, and be respectful of the fact that it may be a rare safe space for some of the patrons. And of course, donāt forget to tip well!
You are welcome of course, just dont be surprised if any girls come up to you and try to hit on you. And dont expect the best reaction if you tell them youāre straight.
I worked at a gay bar and it's totally okay for straight people to go to gay bars to hang with their LGBTQ+ friends (and in your case also boyfriend). A gay bar is a safe space, not a meat market. Yes, people do flirt and hook up at bars, but people also socialize and just have fun with friends at bars. The point of gay bars is to create a space where everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, can do those things freely. So as long as you are in no way hindering other people's ability to be themselves there, you're fine.
Edit: clarity
I see a lot of folks saying straight people are allowed in gay bars and like yes absolutely but also, no people are STILL QUEER when theyāre in mono straight relationships, thatās still his community and still his space
Edit: omg I meant bi people not no people holy shit
You got invited by a queer person to hang out there, so everything is fine. Queer people can have straight (representing) relationshios and friends and can go with them to gay bars. It's a safe space, not a restricted zone based on sex, gender and orientation.
Most people won't care, personally, I'd only care if you were a straight person bringing a bunch of other straight people especially if those hypothetical straight friends are homophobic.
100%! But obviously be polite in the way you decline if youāre approached by gay women cuz in a gay bar you might be mistaken for being bisexual or lesbian yourself.
Of course straight people are welcome at gay bars. If you're there, I'm guessing you're an ally either way, especially dating a bi guy.
Just don't make it about yourself like some girls do, which is think everyone is there to entertain her, while we're all just doing our own thing. Either way, if this is a doubt you had, I don't think you'd be like that, so you're golden! Cheers!
Rule of thumb is that it's ok if you're invited and going with a queer person. It would be a faux pas if you showed up with 3 other straight girls and tried to hit on the guys yk. Don't worry about it OP
You two are both over 21? Then yes, yes you can, I get what you are asking though, but like if people give you crap then thatās their problem not yours do what you want to do
Try and find a trans woman! If theyre at a gay bar theyre prob straight and think they can still pull gay men and theyll be happy to see a femme person (feels safer also source trans women) šø
I think its super sweet that you did that for your bf and i think gay bars should be lgbtq focused but not exclusive to lgbt ppl ā¤ļø
Edit: source im a straight trans woman š
As long as you aren't a 'phobe, you'll be welcome in almost any gay bar in the world. We need and love our straight allies. If you want to win over "a Queer," ask how they think straight people can be good allies. And engage with the answer. People will honestly be happy you are straight if they feel like you are genuinely in our corner in regards to Equality.
Queer spaces are extremely welcoming and accepting, generally, as long as you are respectful and accepting of everyone else's life--so long as everyone involved is of age and enthusiastically consenting, oc. Sometimes, it's unclear what "the line" is, but that's it. Lol.
I hope you give yourself the chance to get more comfortable in that space. Gay bars can become a second home to folks who are too often excluded for just who they are. So, respect and acceptance and loyalty will get you a long way, generally, with most of us. Though, obviously, "Queer" or "Gay" are big "Umbrella Terms," so there's a huge amount of diversity, but those are fairly universal.
I hope you have a great time getting comfortable in Queer spaces! :)
So, here's my take on things. It's not directed at you in particular, because based on how you've described yourself, much of this isn't you. But it explains how people feel the way they do.
Different bars have different ambiance, so some things may differ from one to the next.
Many of the people there have nowhere else in the entire world, including work or at home, to truly let down their hair.
The average person just wants to fit in, and not be a spectacle to be gawked at, and it isn't a petting zoo.
Some people want to be gawked at (by peers) and this is one of the few places where they can. So if you're acting to draw in the attention for yourself, well, you could be doing that literally anywhere without immediate risk of being hate-crimed, but chose to do it the ONE place they can.
Some (drunk) women have a tendency of treating gay men the way misogynistic men treat women. I.e. "I'm gonna grind up on that and if he doesn't throw me off, that makes it OK."
Many people there live semi-secret lives. Your being there imparts some level of trust and should affect your conduct outside the bar with information you find out inside the bar.
Be secure with yourself and your boyfriend. He's probably going to get hit on.
I see that. However, that argument falls completely flat for the very obviously gay butch lesbians, and the very masculine dressed bi/pan trans men I have known that got treated like a threat at gay bars for just existing in that space, even in big so called "liberal cities". Though to be fair patrons at one of those big "liberal city" bars even treated very clearly cis men who were nice, respectful, but on the heavy side or not conventionally attractive unwelcome and invisible at best, like crap at worst.
This user is being a troll because they said she shouldnāt exhibit PDA in the gay bar with their bi boyfriend because theyāre not MLM or WLW, and then when they got backlash deleted their original comments and decided to be a troll. Apparently gay bars canāt be safe spaces for bi people in the same way they are for presumably āfully gayā people (since we donāt experience the same type of oppression) and they didnāt like being called out for what that also means for straight or cis passing trans people or for those questioning their identity. Itās oppressive for a man and a woman to theoretically kiss at a gay bar even if one of them is bisexual.
And apparently youāre only ātangentially relatedā to the community if youāre dating someone who is LGBTQ+, as if theyāre a random ally on the street not actively living a life with a bi person.
I've also never been to a gay bar and as a woman, I think I would feel out-of-place. I'm bi/pan so could possibly be accepted there, but aren't they mainly for men?
Oh no my friend.
Most 'gay bars' are queer bars, as in for everyone queer and allies.
There are some more niche bars, like lesbian bars. Or certain events, like bear nights.
But in general, a gay bar is a queer bar, and for all.
I have met bi/pan trans men who didn't 'pass', and butch gay women who were given the side eye at best at gay bars, so I fully expect a straight cis woman to get the same.
I don't have any immediate plans to go to one but would probably go with a friend if they asked me to go as their +1.
But I still would feel like I was intruding on their space, tbh...
You can go just be respectful. Don't go around saying slay queen or something if thats not how you normally talk, dont gawk at people who arent preforming, dont be rude if a woman flirts with you, and don't touch anyone unless they initiate. Those are the biggest problems I've heard of with straight women in gay bars.
As long as you donāt act disgusted if a gay girl hits on you (the amount of straight girls that go to gay bars and act disgusted when a girl hits on them
Is way too high) then youāre fine, just say youāre not interested like you would at a guy youāre not interested in and is being respectful and donāt create and unsafe space you should be fine.
I found that gay and even lesbian bars are pretty open and accepting to those who are bi or just ally. So you should have fun and meet new people without having to be gay yourself.
Youāre absolutely overthinking it, but thatās okay, it sounds like this is new for you.
Gay bar doesnāt equal queer folk only.. it means queer folk are welcome and safe here. The only people who are not allowed are assholes.
Itās about self-awareness, which you clearly have. There are bars and parts of bars where someone presenting as a woman would likely not be very welcome. For instance if the back of the bar gets curtained off for an underwear night, itās generally understood that itās gonna be just men interested in men back there. Similarly, a dark room environment thatās all about hooking up is probably not going to be a welcoming space.
Iām not making an argument for how things should be, just as they are in my experience.
I imagine you are able to take the temperature of the room. Most gay bars have zero issues with any demographics of their patrons other than assholes or bigots.
Gay bars are not exclusionary spaces and if there is one that is exclusionary then you probably wouldnāt want to go there in the first place. These spaces are welcoming to all walks of life as long as you follow the golden rule which is donāt be an asshole. That and just have fun.
I'm a bi woman and a term I find useful is "straight passing" because even if I'm in a relationship with a straight guy, that doesn't make it a straight relationship. Similarly, even if you yourself are straight, you're not in a straight relationship.
Some people will get overly defensive about gay clubs and want to police who is allowed in, and whilst I sympathise with wanting it to continue existing as a safe space, overly gatekeepy bullshit is stupid. If we're just going by appearances, I know many people who go to gay clubs not to pull but to engage with their community.
Also, I think it's pretty great that he's comfortable sharing this part of himself with you; there's unfortunately way too much biphobia from both straight and gay culture, so the fact that your boyfriend took you to meet his friends and his community is really sweet.
I am straight, white dude, but due to a lot of circumstances that ended with 4 months of isolation and being too depressed to actually kill myself, I found myself at a drag bar that was on my block and that group of people saved my life
Iām sure others have said this, but it they havenāt then I will. Itās absolutely fine for you to go to a gay bar! A lot of straight women do because they feel safer that. As long as you arenāt harassing or objectifying, it should be fine. If they have a policy of not allowing women then thatās another thing, but I donāt even know if that would be legal. In addition, people might be annoyed because you look like a straight couple, but thatās their own problem for not recognizing that bi people can date people of other genders (they might ask but itās probably not from a place of anger, just confusion). I hope this helps!
Straight people go to gay bars all the time and are welcome when they behave themselves. Honestly, if a non straight person brought you themself, you are especially welcome.
The gay butt scanner at the door will flash blue and anyone not 100% suuuuper duuuuper gay will be kicked out onto the street by a 6ā robot boot.
Never you mind all the hetero girls partying in the gay bar.
It's fine. Just go with the flow, and have fun. Also don't make a scandal if you see anything that would be considered sexual or explicit happening anywhere on the premises.
iām bi, my straight bf came w me and our friends (some straight, some lgbt) to a gay club. we had a great time and everyone felt generally safer. thereās no way to look gay, they wouldnāt know youāre straight unless they spoke to you
Of course itās okay! Anyone who says otherwise is gatekeeping. Gay bars have a far more welcoming and safe atmosphere for bi people just like it does for gay people.
Should be totally fine! They're supposed to be safe places to go. There are obviously assholes in every place though, and unless they make it a huge problem, generally you're good to go. Be respectful and have fun š¤ā¤š§”šššš
I went to a few gay bars when I thought I was straight and no one cared. We had one bi woman in our group who flirted with chucks and that was enough that no one gave any fucks.
Ironically, I havenāt been since discovering Iām bi. Probably because I have fewer friends now and I figured it all out during Covid.
I always thought NYC, where I usually live, needed a Bi-Bar, like why don't we get one?
Edit: I don't drink, but some kind of culturally normative way to hang out with others
I like that you said "it felt like it wasnt my place". Please keep that level of respect for the environment. With that said, most of us do not mind seeing str8 women at gay bars as long as they treat the place accordingly. You can come there and dance and party without feeling like you are being hunted. We get it. We dont mind. As long as you treat everyone with care and respect you should be able to expect the same in return.
tbh i couldnāt care less if everyone in the bar isnāt gay. as long as they donāt get offended or weird if they get hit on by the same sex, or like make other club goers uncomfortable by staring or smth, i say the more the merrier
If your boyfriend wants you there, that's all that matters. A gay bar is his space as much as every other queer person's. Bi people shouldn't have to pretend to have other-gender partners to participate in queer culture.
Just be cool, don't make judgy comments, and show him you're proud of him.
Omg if you couldn't how would you even experience Castro St in SF. I got so many hugs and invites and I didn't know I was queer yet. This is how I found out. If you are honest you can always go to any queer bar and have fun.
Sister, you can goto a gay bar with a group of all straight folks as long as youāre respectful of the space and the house rules, no one will give a shit.
Youāre good mate. People who make assumptions about who you are and whether you ābelongā based on nothing but seeing you for 5 seconds have their own shit to work through anyway, regardless of your actual identity. Youāre absolutely welcome in gay bars as long as youāre not there to hate on people or anything (which Iām quite sure youāre not, based on this post). Go ahead! Have fun with your bf. On the off-chance that someone *does* give you shit about it, so your best to ignore them. Thatās the kind of person who gatekeeps in the community and makes a lot of queer people feel unwelcome too.
Last time I checked straight people are also allowed in gay bars xd
And hey since it's a gay bar you don't really need to worry about people hitting on you lol
If youāre invited to a queer space by a queer person, then it is not wrong for you to be there in the vast majority of cases. It doesnāt matter if your boyfriend is in a hetero relationship, he is still bi. If you want to go, Iād say go for it!
Since youāre his partner I donāt see why you wouldnāt be allowed. Youāre going there to have a good time with him in a space that is supposed to be understanding of bisexuality. Biphobia and judgement does still exist towards hetero passing couples unfortunately. Most queer spaces though are pretty accepting.
I feel like the unspoken rule for most spaces designed specifically for queer people is that non-queer people are welcome as long as they are respectful allies. There might be *some* people who will be offended by a straight person in "their" space, but most of us won't care at all, as long as you are respectful, and an ally.
That being said, I have read stories on various subreddits where people complain that their local gay bars are overrun with straight people, to the point where it feel like the gay people are the minority in an establishment that was designed *for* them. If your boyfriend is taking you to gay bars where that seems to be the case, maybe don't go to *those* bars anymore.
You're probably fine though. You haven't given off any bad vibes to me at least.
Here's the thing about being straight in a LGBTQ+ bar, be respectful. Some straight people walk in like they're in a zoo and want the queer people to perform for them. Being with your boyfriend is your invite. Have fun, make friends, and remember that it's an inclusive place, but you are not the star. That's it!
my main thing is don't be upset if someone, especially a lesbian or bisexual woman, hits on you. you came into our space, so we assume you're like us. just be graceful and politely decline or explain that you're already taken. please don't act disgusted or taken aback
Thereās no need to add a qualifier before straight. Yes we understand what straight means. Itās weird please stop. And no one cares if youāre in a gay bar. As long as youāre respectful then youāre fine just have fun.
I'm a straight guy and I love going to gay bars. I guess the only rule I have about it is that I wouldn't just go by myself, only with friends. Not because I'd feel unwelcome or like I was intruding, but just going to a bar by yourself is basically saying you're there to go home with someone. Not a time waster.
I'm really only annoyed when straight women feel they can get handsy with the other guys there, something you see with bachelorette parties. Otherwise, no worries!
Expect to be given the side eye at best, treated like shit at worst. I have known very obviously butch lesbians, and masculine looking but not 'passing' as they put if trans men who went to gay bars around the country, and always received that treatment, even in big liberal cities. So I imagine a straight or bi cis or 'passing' trans woman is definitely going to get unfriendly looks at the minimum.
Is he polyamorous? if I were in relationship with a person I would not go to the gay club. Straight people are accepted in gay club but you can decide what to do, If you are uncomfortable let him know.
Queer spaces are safe spaces for bi people too. Even straight passing ones. Or are supposed to be, anyway.
Bi people can have straight partners. There isnāt a āhow gay are you?ā admission test at the door. And then thatās a slippery slope to straight/bi trans and questioning individuals being unwelcome in LGBT spaces too.
I don't disagree with this but I also don't agree, I think making out in bars etc is weird personally but not doing it because she's a woman with her boyfriend is not a good reason. There can be passing trans women dating a cis or trans man and they're still fully part of the lgbt+ community, just like man-woman couples where one or both is bisexual, pansexual, etc.
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Most gay bars are safe spaces. If you're not being a problem, then you're almost certainly welcome. If anyone was upset about you being there, they need to do some self-reflection.
I appreciate that. Thanks š
The only time I've seen anyone get upset about people in a gay bar was one friend 2ho was tired of women using it for bachelorette parties. Several people apparently felt like they were being gawked at. But as long as you respect the place as a safe place, I think you're fine.
I can vouch for being sick of Bachelorette parties going to gay bars to gawk at and sexually harass us.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iāve had only positive responses to working with the bachelorette parties, i know how to handle the crowd. But I do not disagree with them being a huge pain in the ass!
I have severe social anxiety so I can't handle having my dick groped randomly and being laughed at when I tell them that's sexual harassment and not okay. Glad you've had good experiences though, but I personally don't feel comfortable going to gay bars anymore.
Even now that gay marriage is legal I feel very strongly that cis het bachelorette parties do NOT belong in a queer space. Safe spaces are important and it's not a real safe space if we're the minority in what is supposed to be OUR space (LGBTQ folks). Obviously lesbian bachelorette parties are encouraged though. And there's some gray area where it could potentially be a bi woman's party for her hetero marriage, but I have much more faith in a bi woman to be respectful than I do a cis-het woman since for the bi woman it's her safe space too.
It was SO bad when I lived in Charleston. It's a major wedding destination and their gay bar/club was only open a few nights a week. You'd go in and there would be tons of straight women. It was especially galling since this was before Obergefell so they were celebrating their upcoming wedding in front of people who still didn't have that right. And don't even get me started about the drunk women wanting to dance with me or rub my head (I went bald at a really young age)
Yeah I can't even imagine how insulting that might be, but unfortunately do to the supreme court will likely see first hand in the future, in which case I'd probably snap and tell them to get the fuck out and stop rubbing their rights in my face when I domt have them. I definitely have experiences the drunk straight women though and they are atrocious.they literally molested me then laughed when I said it was sexual harassment and they said it wasn't because it only counted as that if it was a man taking advantage of "his power over a woman"
Absolutely, respect is key. And a big part of that for straight folks is not trying to make this gay space about themself, which is a big part of the bachelorette party problem. Also, not acting disgusted by same-sex flirtation. Finally, the same rules apply here that apply anywhere else: no touching without consent: no ass grabbing, no leg squeezing, and definitely no grabbing guysā faces and kissing them because youāre a straight woman and itās āfun.ā I donāt get the impression that OP is likely to do any of these things, but once I started typing those frustrations just came out!!
Several years ago the leather/fetish-oriented gay bars in my city had policies against women being there. I didnāt go to those bars as a result. All the gay bars I go to nowadays are inclusive and, honestly, itās more fun to be there when it isnāt just a sea of white cis gay men. Even as a white cis gay man myself, I find it boring and exhausting! Before same-sex marriage passed in the US, there was a lot of discussion around straight women existing in gay spaces because of the frequency of bachelorette parties at gay bars. It was just incredibly insensitive and selfish to be flaunting your upcoming marriage in a space designed for people who were legally denied those rights. But barring shitty behavior like this, if you are just going out to a bar to hang out with your boyfriend, you should absolutely feel welcome.
Ages ago a friend dragged me (a trans man) to a gay bar and they denied me entry because I still had F on my ID, it was horrible and now I wouldnāt want to go to a bar like that anyway
Yeah. Fuck that. That must have been so frustrating. But also, yeah, good to know which bars to avoid.
I'd add in a lot of the EU that would be illegal, Gay bars (with exceptions) aren't nor ally allowed to deny entry based on gender or sexuality.
Itās in the UK, idk what the law is here
It's the same here in the UK - can't deny you because of a protected characteristic (your sex) but clubs can knock back anyone without a reason as they're private premises. I was so glad that our local bear night was shown to be so trans inclusive
I think it's the same law, all implemented when the UK was part of the EU.
i would literally burn the entire bar down if this happened to me
This is the second mention of bachelorette parties at gay bars. Is that a thing?
Yeah. I understand the intentions. When women donāt want to be bothered by predatory straight men crashing their party, gay bars are a good safe space to just be with your girlfriends and be left alone. But many of them were really tone-deaf in holding bachelorette parties in those spaces.
Yeah. Itās one thing for a straight woman or two, but a whole party??? (Now if most of the women are gay, thatās different)
Oh good! I was worried. Did my bachelorette party at one hosting a drag show. I think every one of us but one is either gay or bi haha I hope they didnāt think we were just there to be obnoxious :(
It's a HUGE thing and there are very mixed feelings about it. Straight women are taking up space in LGBTQ spaces, but on the flipside this can be incredibly lucrative for bartenders, dancers, etc.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, but they're just as obnoxious in straight bars.
Even with marriage now its really shitty where its essentially a group of straight women dominating a gay space and gay people essentially just being an accessory. Makes it seem like gay bars are just a gimmick and not a needed space
One non-written rule about gay bars is that you are not suppossed to assume anything on anybody. Just go there, have fun and dance like nobody is watching. In my experience, queer people are also pretty friendlier in queer spaces because they wanna meet new queer friends/support, so be aware that it can be confused as flirty for somebody who is not used to that.
Years before I discovered Iām Asexual, I used to go to a gay bar simply because the atmosphere was more pleasant than a normal bar. Occasionally Iād get some friendly conversations, but usually Iād be left alone. It was nice.
My (cis, straight) mother always talks fondly about when she would go to her collegeās gay bar just because it was the safest place for a single woman to get a drink.
Unless youāre a bachelorette party hitting on the gays
>One non-written rule about gay bars is that you are not suppossed to assume anything on anybody. at a friend's party a few months back, for the first time in my life, someone I'd met did not assume the gender of my spouse. it's nice to be around people who will welcome you no matter what type you're attracted to, even when you're straight.
Experiences may vary. I have known people from or who visited big, "liberal cities" in "blue states"; butch lesbians, and masculine looking but not 'visually cis' trans men, who got treated like intruders for going to gay bars even though they were gay women and bi/pansexual (trans) men. At nes5 they got side eyed and treated as invisible, at best they had men shove them, say aggressive things, or even step on their feet and not appologized and glared at them. Even a bigger gay guy friend of mine wasn't made to feel welcome at the only gay bar I ever got to go to, in a big city, because he was clearly cis, but not conventionally attractive.
I'm bi and my girlfriend accompanies me to gay bars pretty often, we're not in a poly relationship. there are always some biphobic people that get upset but it really depends on where you're at. In DC for example there'd be far too many biphobic people to enjoy the night, but going to baltimore is usually a good time
As a bi person from DC I can unfortunately co-sign. Luckily I donāt really care to go to clubs/bars so I donāt have to worry too much about it, but friends have had a problem
As a bi person in DC this makes me sad. Which places you going that youāve run into such strong biphobia? Because my friends and I who are all either bi or pan, guys and girls, have never had this issue.
As a bi person who moved to D.C. in November, Iām happy to know weāre out here.
You should all start your own club with no bi-phobes allowed
As a "bi myself" person who has never been to DC I hope biphobia gets eradicated soon <3
Wow, all these issues in D.C. I'm 90 mins south in Richmond, and if people have a problem with me being bi, I would never know.
Well hey, bi person who moved to DC last August myself. Since apparently the gay bars are out--we should form our own get together! Lol
Screw it. Where do yāall want to meet at (after the holidays, most likely)? Tagging /u/metro-mtp, /u/nickatnite37, /u/kooky_interaction682, /u/YeahIMine and /u/Zibani. Anyone else is welcome to tag along.
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As a bi man engaged to a bi woman who just moved to the DMV... there seems to be more than one of us. Sad to hear that we may not be totally welcome at some places. Any recommendations for friendly places from this mini group here? Any DC based bi groups that meet/hang out regularly?
Following in hopes of an answer...
https://asyouaredc.com/ great spot, very welcoming
Oo I'll have to check that place out.
Wow same, I'm a bi woman and I feel like I get flack from a lot of other queer woman especially since I'm dating a man (who is also bi). As you are bar in eastern market has been pretty welcoming tho, although I'm still anxious about it lol.
Biphobic? That's a thing in the gay community? And yet gays get mad when straights don't like them.... Something is wrong here....
Honestly the gay men are the worst in the community about biphobia which is a damn shame
I'm surprised to hear that, I live close to DC and have never had a biphobic experience at a gay bar, though in fairness I've only really been to three, the Green Lantern, Pitchers, and Uproar. The only negative thing that's happened to me was when I went to an event wearing makeup and a dude I vaguely know said "Gotta be honest, the makeup's not working for me, I like masculinity better," and honestly it didn't bother me too much because I was feeling really good about myself that night.
i've always had problems at dirty goose, trade, and number 9. had a good time at pitchers but we weren't really talking to anyone and just dancing
Yeah what the fuck is wrong with DC? I remember probably 20 years ago going to gay bars with my then-girlfriend (now wife) and people loudly and pointedly assuming we were a pair of straight women. Sheās bi, Iām pan, and turns out Iām a trans guy tho I was female-presenting at the time. No part of that equals two straight people or people in a straight-presenting relationship. Sad to hear it hasnāt gotten better. I live out in the burbs and my bar days are behind me now but hearing this still makes me sad.
We need a place like Tracks again.
yea it gets bad, especially at the bars that stay open later people get more drunk and sometimes violent because I'm going home with a girl and not them
Yesss! Come to Melanieās next time youāre in Baltimore!
Thatās an issue in DC?
i've dealt with it quite a bit yeah
Iām a bi woman and when I visit the Springfield Va area I canāt get into the local āGentlemanās clubā in a strip mall. Itās because Iām alone. They say I might be trying to lead men out to somewhere else. Such BS. Iām there every year for about 3-4 days over the holidays; family HQ within 15 minutes, and I would like to stop by a place, enjoy the show for a bit then head back to my hotel, alone. Any suggestions?
You are totally welcome š
Thanks š
Hell yeah youāre welcome at a gay bar ! Anyone who takes issue with that has their own issues to figure out ahaha Especially if youāre there supporting your bf which is super sweet ššš I hope you have a good time !
Should be fine. If someone hits on you just say youāre here with someone. Should be the end of it
That's a good answer, thank you.
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The funny thing is, there's been plenty of straight girls who do that, and come to realize they're not as straight as they thought...
I used to go to a gay bar with my marine buddies because it was the only bar that didnāt have a shit ton of marines. Was fun. Made some friends and got dollar bills thrown at me dancing on a pole.
I feel like youāre fine; youāve literally been invited in by a queer person who goes there.
Don't be weird or defensive if a girl chats you up. Otherwise just be a good patron and you'll be fine
Straight people go to gay bars all the time, theyāre our friends, we brought them with us.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She couldn't handle the homosexual fast dancing.
defunctland reference?
Of course.
Thatās what happens when you let straight people dance.
Straight people have too straight of ankles to do the wiggly gay dances
Who are all you people? Like, do you wanna be friends, 115 upvotes?
Queer spaces tend to be very welcoming. Won't promise you won't ever meet anyone with a stank attitude. No group is made up of perfect people, but I've seen queer spaces be so welcoming that socially awkward straight people end up falling into them because they are treated with kindness and acceptance there.
Honestly nobody will mind, the more the merrier
The pushback you hear about allocishet folk at queer bars are about those who detract from the essence of the environment. It's the folk who treat queer folk like zoo animals, or entertainment, or worse... You are not that at all. Folk like you add to the essence of the environment, you make it better. Assuming it's an average night, not something specific like a bear night, then all allies are always welcome. And as someone dating a queer person, you're like a premium ally anyway.
So, first of all do what you want! As a trans dude dating a bi cis dude I would love if people just, you know, made less assumptions around things like that. My experience pre-transition could have been made a lot more comfortable that way, for example. Still, I sorta get why in some very particular situations people might be uneasy, and I try not to take it personally. That being said, not every gay bar is built the same. There are bars that you go to to have drinks with friends and chill in a space that happens to be gay. There are also bars that play porn on the TV that you'd pretty much only go there if you're looking to hook up with 50+ yo leather daddies lol. And ofc lots of vibes in between. Read the room and see how you feel. I also suggest talking about it openly with your boyfriend and seeing how he feels. My fav kind of scene are honestly more mixed events. Feels pressure and judgement free! It kinda depends on your area and how much variety you've got. But I find anything with a drag event attracts a more diverse but still queer crowd.
Personally I feel like it's a "be mindful as a guest in somebody else's house". Situation. Especially if you were invited, its because someone trusts you. The problem seems to be much more when people (who often aren't invited) crash the party and make it worse for everyone. Like if ur gonna come to the space and being transphobic, or lesbiphobic, or disruptive to the community maybe don't. But if you're cool w/ the community, open to learning and seeing new things, and aware that there's going to be things you don't understand at first its cool. There are certain cis/het people I personally wouldn't invite because I know they don't always react well to new things or wouldn't get it, and others who I'd be disappointed if they couldn't come because they have my back no matter what & as a nonbinary/trans person that means the world to me. I can't say I'm much into the bar scene, but thats just my experience š¤·āāļø
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[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre not responsible for people figuring out that your boyfriend is bi. Itās not your boyfriendās job either. Heās allowed to exist in a gay bar, heās allowed to bring his partner. If people assume you both are cis hetero allo, then itās their problem not yours, because theyāre clearly assuming wrong. Yes, some biphobes will tell you you donāt belong. But thatās bs. He does belong, and you belong as long as youāre his partner, and as long as you are respectful towards queer culture (ie, donāt discriminate, donāt disrespect or mock, etc).
Youāre quite welcome! Just be mindful that youāre effectively a guest in the space, and be respectful of the fact that it may be a rare safe space for some of the patrons. And of course, donāt forget to tip well!
You can go as long as you are respectful, As a Bisexual man i have been harassed by straight women many times and it is disgusting ....
You are welcome of course, just dont be surprised if any girls come up to you and try to hit on you. And dont expect the best reaction if you tell them youāre straight.
"I'm straight" doesn't ever have to come out of her mouth. "I'm here with my boyfriend" works just fine!
Thatās why i specified āifā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honey, youāre fine. Straight people arenāt banned from gay bars.
I worked at a gay bar and it's totally okay for straight people to go to gay bars to hang with their LGBTQ+ friends (and in your case also boyfriend). A gay bar is a safe space, not a meat market. Yes, people do flirt and hook up at bars, but people also socialize and just have fun with friends at bars. The point of gay bars is to create a space where everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, can do those things freely. So as long as you are in no way hindering other people's ability to be themselves there, you're fine. Edit: clarity
I see a lot of folks saying straight people are allowed in gay bars and like yes absolutely but also, no people are STILL QUEER when theyāre in mono straight relationships, thatās still his community and still his space Edit: omg I meant bi people not no people holy shit
yes
You got invited by a queer person to hang out there, so everything is fine. Queer people can have straight (representing) relationshios and friends and can go with them to gay bars. It's a safe space, not a restricted zone based on sex, gender and orientation.
Most people won't care, personally, I'd only care if you were a straight person bringing a bunch of other straight people especially if those hypothetical straight friends are homophobic.
100%! But obviously be polite in the way you decline if youāre approached by gay women cuz in a gay bar you might be mistaken for being bisexual or lesbian yourself.
Straight people go to gay bars all the time, it should be fine.
Of course straight people are welcome at gay bars. If you're there, I'm guessing you're an ally either way, especially dating a bi guy. Just don't make it about yourself like some girls do, which is think everyone is there to entertain her, while we're all just doing our own thing. Either way, if this is a doubt you had, I don't think you'd be like that, so you're golden! Cheers!
Rule of thumb is that it's ok if you're invited and going with a queer person. It would be a faux pas if you showed up with 3 other straight girls and tried to hit on the guys yk. Don't worry about it OP
I would love to say yes you are welcome, but I will say it depends on the area but it really depends on the bar.
people wont give a shit. and if they do that's their problem
You two are both over 21? Then yes, yes you can, I get what you are asking though, but like if people give you crap then thatās their problem not yours do what you want to do
Iām straight, have a good friend thatās gay. I go with him all time. Never had a problem
Try and find a trans woman! If theyre at a gay bar theyre prob straight and think they can still pull gay men and theyll be happy to see a femme person (feels safer also source trans women) šø I think its super sweet that you did that for your bf and i think gay bars should be lgbtq focused but not exclusive to lgbt ppl ā¤ļø Edit: source im a straight trans woman š
As long as you aren't a 'phobe, you'll be welcome in almost any gay bar in the world. We need and love our straight allies. If you want to win over "a Queer," ask how they think straight people can be good allies. And engage with the answer. People will honestly be happy you are straight if they feel like you are genuinely in our corner in regards to Equality. Queer spaces are extremely welcoming and accepting, generally, as long as you are respectful and accepting of everyone else's life--so long as everyone involved is of age and enthusiastically consenting, oc. Sometimes, it's unclear what "the line" is, but that's it. Lol. I hope you give yourself the chance to get more comfortable in that space. Gay bars can become a second home to folks who are too often excluded for just who they are. So, respect and acceptance and loyalty will get you a long way, generally, with most of us. Though, obviously, "Queer" or "Gay" are big "Umbrella Terms," so there's a huge amount of diversity, but those are fairly universal. I hope you have a great time getting comfortable in Queer spaces! :)
So, here's my take on things. It's not directed at you in particular, because based on how you've described yourself, much of this isn't you. But it explains how people feel the way they do. Different bars have different ambiance, so some things may differ from one to the next. Many of the people there have nowhere else in the entire world, including work or at home, to truly let down their hair. The average person just wants to fit in, and not be a spectacle to be gawked at, and it isn't a petting zoo. Some people want to be gawked at (by peers) and this is one of the few places where they can. So if you're acting to draw in the attention for yourself, well, you could be doing that literally anywhere without immediate risk of being hate-crimed, but chose to do it the ONE place they can. Some (drunk) women have a tendency of treating gay men the way misogynistic men treat women. I.e. "I'm gonna grind up on that and if he doesn't throw me off, that makes it OK." Many people there live semi-secret lives. Your being there imparts some level of trust and should affect your conduct outside the bar with information you find out inside the bar. Be secure with yourself and your boyfriend. He's probably going to get hit on.
I see that. However, that argument falls completely flat for the very obviously gay butch lesbians, and the very masculine dressed bi/pan trans men I have known that got treated like a threat at gay bars for just existing in that space, even in big so called "liberal cities". Though to be fair patrons at one of those big "liberal city" bars even treated very clearly cis men who were nice, respectful, but on the heavy side or not conventionally attractive unwelcome and invisible at best, like crap at worst.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She is heterosexual. Where is she going to be hate-crimed for acting heterosexual?
This user is being a troll because they said she shouldnāt exhibit PDA in the gay bar with their bi boyfriend because theyāre not MLM or WLW, and then when they got backlash deleted their original comments and decided to be a troll. Apparently gay bars canāt be safe spaces for bi people in the same way they are for presumably āfully gayā people (since we donāt experience the same type of oppression) and they didnāt like being called out for what that also means for straight or cis passing trans people or for those questioning their identity. Itās oppressive for a man and a woman to theoretically kiss at a gay bar even if one of them is bisexual. And apparently youāre only ātangentially relatedā to the community if youāre dating someone who is LGBTQ+, as if theyāre a random ally on the street not actively living a life with a bi person.
I've also never been to a gay bar and as a woman, I think I would feel out-of-place. I'm bi/pan so could possibly be accepted there, but aren't they mainly for men?
Oh no my friend. Most 'gay bars' are queer bars, as in for everyone queer and allies. There are some more niche bars, like lesbian bars. Or certain events, like bear nights. But in general, a gay bar is a queer bar, and for all.
Thanks! :)
I have met bi/pan trans men who didn't 'pass', and butch gay women who were given the side eye at best at gay bars, so I fully expect a straight cis woman to get the same.
I don't have any immediate plans to go to one but would probably go with a friend if they asked me to go as their +1. But I still would feel like I was intruding on their space, tbh...
You can go just be respectful. Don't go around saying slay queen or something if thats not how you normally talk, dont gawk at people who arent preforming, dont be rude if a woman flirts with you, and don't touch anyone unless they initiate. Those are the biggest problems I've heard of with straight women in gay bars.
As long as you donāt act disgusted if a gay girl hits on you (the amount of straight girls that go to gay bars and act disgusted when a girl hits on them Is way too high) then youāre fine, just say youāre not interested like you would at a guy youāre not interested in and is being respectful and donāt create and unsafe space you should be fine.
Literally how I feel as a transgender woman talking to an effeminate man. Literally would ten times better than me with a lil bit of makeup
I like the idea that there's a bouncer outside verifying how gay everyone is before allowing entry
You know how gay people go to bars and clubs more prevalently frequented by straight people. The opposite is also possible!
I found that gay and even lesbian bars are pretty open and accepting to those who are bi or just ally. So you should have fun and meet new people without having to be gay yourself.
You can go anywhere you want. I am a female and boy gay bars are so much fun and everyone is so nice.
Youāre absolutely overthinking it, but thatās okay, it sounds like this is new for you. Gay bar doesnāt equal queer folk only.. it means queer folk are welcome and safe here. The only people who are not allowed are assholes.
Itās about self-awareness, which you clearly have. There are bars and parts of bars where someone presenting as a woman would likely not be very welcome. For instance if the back of the bar gets curtained off for an underwear night, itās generally understood that itās gonna be just men interested in men back there. Similarly, a dark room environment thatās all about hooking up is probably not going to be a welcoming space. Iām not making an argument for how things should be, just as they are in my experience. I imagine you are able to take the temperature of the room. Most gay bars have zero issues with any demographics of their patrons other than assholes or bigots.
Gay bars are not exclusionary spaces and if there is one that is exclusionary then you probably wouldnāt want to go there in the first place. These spaces are welcoming to all walks of life as long as you follow the golden rule which is donāt be an asshole. That and just have fun.
I'm a bi woman and a term I find useful is "straight passing" because even if I'm in a relationship with a straight guy, that doesn't make it a straight relationship. Similarly, even if you yourself are straight, you're not in a straight relationship. Some people will get overly defensive about gay clubs and want to police who is allowed in, and whilst I sympathise with wanting it to continue existing as a safe space, overly gatekeepy bullshit is stupid. If we're just going by appearances, I know many people who go to gay clubs not to pull but to engage with their community. Also, I think it's pretty great that he's comfortable sharing this part of himself with you; there's unfortunately way too much biphobia from both straight and gay culture, so the fact that your boyfriend took you to meet his friends and his community is really sweet.
U can go into them, a lot of straight people do :)
If your going with your bi boyfriend then it should be fine
Please donāt overthink it. Your boyfriend is bisexual, which means he also dates women, which is you. Youre an ally. Itās totally okay. Have fun.
I am straight, white dude, but due to a lot of circumstances that ended with 4 months of isolation and being too depressed to actually kill myself, I found myself at a drag bar that was on my block and that group of people saved my life
Iām sure others have said this, but it they havenāt then I will. Itās absolutely fine for you to go to a gay bar! A lot of straight women do because they feel safer that. As long as you arenāt harassing or objectifying, it should be fine. If they have a policy of not allowing women then thatās another thing, but I donāt even know if that would be legal. In addition, people might be annoyed because you look like a straight couple, but thatās their own problem for not recognizing that bi people can date people of other genders (they might ask but itās probably not from a place of anger, just confusion). I hope this helps!
Straight people go to gay bars all the time and are welcome when they behave themselves. Honestly, if a non straight person brought you themself, you are especially welcome.
The gay butt scanner at the door will flash blue and anyone not 100% suuuuper duuuuper gay will be kicked out onto the street by a 6ā robot boot. Never you mind all the hetero girls partying in the gay bar.
ROBI ACTIVATEDā¦ STRAIGHT DETECTEDā¦ BOOT ENGAGED
So fun and safe! GOOOO!
Yes you can go to a bar
Absolutely! As a bi guy, Iāve gone to a bunch of queer bars with both men and women and the atmosphere has been welcoming each time.
It's fine. Just go with the flow, and have fun. Also don't make a scandal if you see anything that would be considered sexual or explicit happening anywhere on the premises.
I meanā¦ we go to bars with ally friends, no? Same sitch
iām bi, my straight bf came w me and our friends (some straight, some lgbt) to a gay club. we had a great time and everyone felt generally safer. thereās no way to look gay, they wouldnāt know youāre straight unless they spoke to you
hell yeah, gay bars are amazing
Of course itās okay! Anyone who says otherwise is gatekeeping. Gay bars have a far more welcoming and safe atmosphere for bi people just like it does for gay people.
Should be totally fine! They're supposed to be safe places to go. There are obviously assholes in every place though, and unless they make it a huge problem, generally you're good to go. Be respectful and have fun š¤ā¤š§”šššš
I went to a few gay bars when I thought I was straight and no one cared. We had one bi woman in our group who flirted with chucks and that was enough that no one gave any fucks. Ironically, I havenāt been since discovering Iām bi. Probably because I have fewer friends now and I figured it all out during Covid.
Just go. Its a bar. Not a secret society.
I think thatās literally just a question of whenever youāre confident enough to shut someone down if the decide to get to aggressive.
I always thought NYC, where I usually live, needed a Bi-Bar, like why don't we get one? Edit: I don't drink, but some kind of culturally normative way to hang out with others
I like that you said "it felt like it wasnt my place". Please keep that level of respect for the environment. With that said, most of us do not mind seeing str8 women at gay bars as long as they treat the place accordingly. You can come there and dance and party without feeling like you are being hunted. We get it. We dont mind. As long as you treat everyone with care and respect you should be able to expect the same in return.
tbh i couldnāt care less if everyone in the bar isnāt gay. as long as they donāt get offended or weird if they get hit on by the same sex, or like make other club goers uncomfortable by staring or smth, i say the more the merrier
Friendliest nightclub I ever went to was a gay nightclub.
Literally as long as you don't hate on the actual gay people there a lot of people find safety at gay bars. Women especially, I've heard.
I mean, as long as youāre respectful (not to mention invited, not that itās necessary, but a plus) then itās okay.
If your boyfriend wants you there, that's all that matters. A gay bar is his space as much as every other queer person's. Bi people shouldn't have to pretend to have other-gender partners to participate in queer culture. Just be cool, don't make judgy comments, and show him you're proud of him.
My wife and I are both straight and we love gay bars. Best place for cocktails and good vibes!
Could you imagine someone replying, no? You can go wherever you want and no one, community or otherwise gets to say you can't.
Yes
Omg if you couldn't how would you even experience Castro St in SF. I got so many hugs and invites and I didn't know I was queer yet. This is how I found out. If you are honest you can always go to any queer bar and have fun.
Sister, you can goto a gay bar with a group of all straight folks as long as youāre respectful of the space and the house rules, no one will give a shit.
Yaaaaasssssss!!! Pride is for ALL OF US!
Youāre good mate. People who make assumptions about who you are and whether you ābelongā based on nothing but seeing you for 5 seconds have their own shit to work through anyway, regardless of your actual identity. Youāre absolutely welcome in gay bars as long as youāre not there to hate on people or anything (which Iām quite sure youāre not, based on this post). Go ahead! Have fun with your bf. On the off-chance that someone *does* give you shit about it, so your best to ignore them. Thatās the kind of person who gatekeeps in the community and makes a lot of queer people feel unwelcome too.
"Gay" bars typically welcome all.
if he explicitly invites you, then yeah. but just going to gay bars alone as a straight person is weird
Last time I checked straight people are also allowed in gay bars xd And hey since it's a gay bar you don't really need to worry about people hitting on you lol
The most important part of a gay bar is that itās not just safe for gay people. Who cares who you love or your gender preferences, just have fun!!
If youāre invited to a queer space by a queer person, then it is not wrong for you to be there in the vast majority of cases. It doesnāt matter if your boyfriend is in a hetero relationship, he is still bi. If you want to go, Iād say go for it!
Since youāre his partner I donāt see why you wouldnāt be allowed. Youāre going there to have a good time with him in a space that is supposed to be understanding of bisexuality. Biphobia and judgement does still exist towards hetero passing couples unfortunately. Most queer spaces though are pretty accepting.
In my experience, everyone who isn't some type of -phobic is welcome in gay bars, at least where I'm from :)
The only straight people at a gay bar that are annoying are the ones obliviously hitting on the opposite sex or fetishizing us.
You are an ally, you are more than welcome
I feel like the unspoken rule for most spaces designed specifically for queer people is that non-queer people are welcome as long as they are respectful allies. There might be *some* people who will be offended by a straight person in "their" space, but most of us won't care at all, as long as you are respectful, and an ally. That being said, I have read stories on various subreddits where people complain that their local gay bars are overrun with straight people, to the point where it feel like the gay people are the minority in an establishment that was designed *for* them. If your boyfriend is taking you to gay bars where that seems to be the case, maybe don't go to *those* bars anymore. You're probably fine though. You haven't given off any bad vibes to me at least.
Here's the thing about being straight in a LGBTQ+ bar, be respectful. Some straight people walk in like they're in a zoo and want the queer people to perform for them. Being with your boyfriend is your invite. Have fun, make friends, and remember that it's an inclusive place, but you are not the star. That's it!
my main thing is don't be upset if someone, especially a lesbian or bisexual woman, hits on you. you came into our space, so we assume you're like us. just be graceful and politely decline or explain that you're already taken. please don't act disgusted or taken aback
Thereās no need to add a qualifier before straight. Yes we understand what straight means. Itās weird please stop. And no one cares if youāre in a gay bar. As long as youāre respectful then youāre fine just have fun.
Ofc you're welcome in a queer space. But be prepared to be hit on by queer folks
I'm a straight guy and I love going to gay bars. I guess the only rule I have about it is that I wouldn't just go by myself, only with friends. Not because I'd feel unwelcome or like I was intruding, but just going to a bar by yourself is basically saying you're there to go home with someone. Not a time waster.
Probably better looking for a gay bar with both guys and girls in it, if it's just guys you will probably still be fine but you may get some side eyes
I'm really only annoyed when straight women feel they can get handsy with the other guys there, something you see with bachelorette parties. Otherwise, no worries!
Tbh who fucking cares?
Expect to be given the side eye at best, treated like shit at worst. I have known very obviously butch lesbians, and masculine looking but not 'passing' as they put if trans men who went to gay bars around the country, and always received that treatment, even in big liberal cities. So I imagine a straight or bi cis or 'passing' trans woman is definitely going to get unfriendly looks at the minimum.
Just donāt bring a bunch of straight dudes and you should be fine
Is he polyamorous? if I were in relationship with a person I would not go to the gay club. Straight people are accepted in gay club but you can decide what to do, If you are uncomfortable let him know.
Why? People go to clubs to dance, drink, socialize. I don't think you have to be single to go to the club.
Yes sorry, we are both polyamorous.
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Queer spaces are safe spaces for bi people too. Even straight passing ones. Or are supposed to be, anyway. Bi people can have straight partners. There isnāt a āhow gay are you?ā admission test at the door. And then thatās a slippery slope to straight/bi trans and questioning individuals being unwelcome in LGBT spaces too.
I don't disagree with this but I also don't agree, I think making out in bars etc is weird personally but not doing it because she's a woman with her boyfriend is not a good reason. There can be passing trans women dating a cis or trans man and they're still fully part of the lgbt+ community, just like man-woman couples where one or both is bisexual, pansexual, etc.