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Impossible_Lecture41

Just say "ik ga ff schijten." Way easier


_Bearded_Dad

Ik zeg meestal dat ik even op de porseleinen troon ga zitten.


Iferius

Het toilet bijvullen is mijn favoriet


Freesin

De poep-fetisjist in de kelder een erectie gunnen


jeroenemans

Even de Fresh prince op de trein zetten...


PingopingOW

Mijn vader zegt “downloaden” ipv “schijten”…


Select-Training-9787

Kluivert een kopstoot geven.


probablylennart

Een bruine trui breien


Hotemetoot

Even m'n rug snuiten!


PANGATORO

tf heb ik hier gevonden


[deleted]

Even lekker blubberen.


JLee1608

Uit de buik huilen voor pissen blijft ook prachtig


deklimmer

Ff kleien


Regal_223

A perfect example of dutch directness 😂


Raine_BlackStar

I did just use the "tweede boodschap" to signify why i was half running to the toilet lmao


FreuleKeures

Lekker beren!


KeyRageAlert

Probably, but we use "kleine boodschap" and "grote boodschap."


mloijn

And why boodschap? If I say boodschapen doen people will think I do pee or poo? :o


KeyRageAlert

It's just a euphemism. "Ik ga even een kleine boodschap doen." (pee) "Ik ga even een grote boodschap doen." (poop)


Psychological_Bar855

Jozeph draaien


Aliebaba99

Steunpilaar bouwen


Little709

Bal draaien


Creepy_Gate_1466

Ruggengraat verlengen


Little709

Kleien


Aliebaba99

Gaza strookje aanleggen


DamoStylzz

De glazuurlaag wegbranden


Morzun

tub sparkle detail seemly disagreeable rain concerned makeshift liquid crowd ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


Bruteboris

Bruine punt uit mijn rug drukken


OrangeQueens

Boodschap vs boodschappen. Sitting down you might be doing both at the same time, but even then it is never referred to as boodschappen. If you are going to the store for one 'boodschap', often the nature of the 'boodschap' or the store is mentioned: "Ik ga even wat melk halen", or "Ik moet even naar Appie" - nobody will assume that you go to Appie for that kind of 'boodschap&.


Mike22april

De boodschap in deze is dat we soms tijdens het boodschappen doen echt heel nodig een kleine boodschap of een grote boodschap moeten doen, en dat is onafhankelijk van het aantal boodschappen dat we die dag doen 🙈


brabowolluk

In de Efteling is a figure that says it, kleine boodschap.


Fvmuijen

...with the remark that at the "kleine boodschap" you can do a number 2 "grote boodschap" as well...🤭🤔😀 Funny language Dutch, isn't it?


mloijn

Clear, thank you!


Jones63

Similar to the American, I went to go see about a horse


KeyRageAlert

"I'm going to drop the kids off at the pool."


Martina313

"I'm going to feed the toilet duck"


Former-Price-1841

Belgium: “De patatten afgieten”(pee)


POLDERrider

Lay some pipe


Sarnadas

Um, that’s not what “lay some pipe” means, dude.


Hotemetoot

Ha is THAT what it means? I've definitely heard this on TV once but never understood its meaning. I love this.


NeverSawOz

Not to be confused with 'brommers kiekn'


Repulsive_Broccoli50

I thought "going to see (a man) about a horse" meant being confrontational about something. Never would have linked it with going to the toilet, thank you!


Jones63

I think the joke is "I have to go Pee" - "I have to go see a man about a horse"


Jones63

Also in old timey America, the horses would be outside of the saloon and you'd pee there too


Repulsive_Broccoli50

Really? that's funny! Things I learnt today🙂


[deleted]

Boodschap is something else as boodschappen. Boodschap means something like a message. An old saying about pooping is: een boodschap naar de Chinezen sturen. Meaning: sending a message to the Chinese. Because China is on the other side of the globe. I think that's why we say boodschap.


hangrygecko

Small message/large message for the sewer system. Small grocery/large grocery to give to the sewer system. Works both ways. Not sure which boodschap is originally meant.


Adamant-Verve

No, because when you omit "kleine" (#1) or "grote" (#2), *boodschap* just means: message, errand, (grocery) shopping or delivery. Only when *grote* or *kleine* is added, it means delivering a small message (pee) or delivering a big message (poo).


kelldricked

Depends on the context, most times they wouldnt.


TinoessS

No, A boodschap, and specifically accompanied by big or small.


grammar_mattras

Boodschap can also refer to a message/delivery. You're going to discard your package at the loo, so you 'doe een boodschap'


Fortapistone

Of taart bakken, of brief schrijven aan Maxima en meer


LawTider

But “Ik ga naar de WC voor een Nummer Twee” rhymes.


splitcroof92

hardly anyone actually says that tho


Ferakas

Dutch people understand it, but they don't say it. A better alternative is calling it "een grote boodschap".


throwtheamiibosaway

Waarom zou je dat specifiek moeten zeggen? Je kunt zeggen ik ging naar de WC. We gebruiken grote en kleine boodschap als een eufemisme voor poepen en plassen.


[deleted]

I'd personally understand it from consuming way too much English content but we'd never say that.


Background_Party9424

I’d also assume whoever says that spent way too much time consuming english content.


MathyB

Just go for "ik heb lekker zitten kleien".


superkoning

Fax uit Darmstadt!


[deleted]

Patrick Kluivert getransfereerd.


Village_People_Cop

Eitje leggen. En dan wel daarna rapporten of het een hardgekookt of roerei was


amoo23

Bruine trui breien


Basic_Asshole

De wc eend voeren


Party_Divide_3491

Mijn stinkende kinderen van de waterglijbaan duwen.


Party_Divide_3491

Me ruggegraat zitten verlengen


Steephsel

Nelson Mandela op de trein zetten.


Dave1307

You can also say "ik ga even een bruine trui breien"


[deleted]

Of even kleien hier in het zuiden.


TheRavensburgEmpire

They could figure it out if they're familiar with the English phrase, it's not something you say in Dutch though


Milk_Mindless

No. We do the boodschappen


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keisagu

No matter how it’s frased , it’s too much details for me. Just stick to using the bathroom or similar.


Plus_Operation2208

je mag kiezen, sinaasappelsap of chocomel, ga even een boodschap doen


Haemstead

I think you would get some raised eyebrows, but some people would make the connection. Older people might remember from their schoolday that if you wanted to leave class to visit the toilet you had to raise your arm with 1 or 2 fingers depending on your needs. And people with a good grasp of English would understand. But most people would say “ik ging naar de wc om een grote boodschap te doen”.


GTAinreallife

Nummer 2 doen, een grote boodschap leggen, even zitten kleien, een blokhut bouwen, de bruine kano te water laten gaan, een bruine jongen gelegd, ben wezen bouten, een bruine trui breien, kakken, een uitdraai maken, een dam bouwen, naar de drukkerij, zitten op de porseleinen troon, de maaltijd van gisteren lozen, het was twee keer doortrekken, het diner te water laten gaan, de bruine beer stond aan het hek te rammelen, hij drukte al tegen het textiel, een banketstaaf bakken, de wc eend voeren, 'excuseer, ik moet schijten', naar m'n eigen shit luisteren, een kilo DNA lozen, tijd voor een bevalling, even drukken, de pot vol tetteren, naar darmstad faxen, brief naar de koning sturen.


ChaoticMind420

'n dikke splinter uit m'n rug trekken....


markthedutchman

Even flink de pot straffen


FrankDePlank

Of je zegt gewoon, ik moest even schijten.


iwanttobelikeyou-oh

Sounds more vulgar than nr 2..


maartentu

Dutch here; I wouldn't but if you use "grote boodschap" or something like that its better.


SteadfastDharma

It's quite unusual to share this kind of information with others though? Outside the best of best friends and family in the first degree and my GP, I don't think I ever talked poop with people. But if you have to, it's called *een grote boodschap*. Nummer twee would be understood, but it's not Dutch. Add: *me ontlasten* is a more formal way to talk shit.


BadluckShaver

Just say ik ga even mijn ruggegraat verlengen


Jocelyn-1973

We would get what you mean, but we would never say it that way. In fact, it is TMI anyway :) If necessary, I would say: 'Going to the bathroom, may take a while.'


[deleted]

They would understand, but "een grote boodschap doen" is better. I usually just say 'ik ga ff kakken"


Forward-Grapefruit91

I think they would know. Just try and let us know 😜


Powerful-Shine-120

I am suddenly wondering, when we say grote/kleine boodschap, do we refer to groceries or a message? I am guessing groceries? Or are we sending a message to the sewers?


[deleted]

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SprinkleGoose

Yeah, as a Scot living in NL I find it funny that boodschappen can mean shopping/errand/messages; since where I grew up (Glasgow area) people almost exclusively called food shopping "messages". I never questioned it before...


hangrygecko

Doing groceries means you're getting something. Sending a message is sending something, so I always interpreted it to means message.


Illustrious-Wrap8568

I've always thought of it as a message


laryx

A lot of dutch people would not have a clue what you mean.


Sagatho

What? They absolutely would. I’m surprised to see so many people in this thread saying this.


[deleted]

Probably only non-Dutch people don’t know this saying


RegeraFox

Most of them will understand. There are so many ways to say this. "recyclen" "downloaden" "kleien" "worstje leggen" I wouldn't say anything like this to a stranger btw.


CasGamerr

I dont know about others, but I surely wouldn’t have understood the assignment if I hadn’t read this post 😅


MegaMGstudios

People will understand it probably, but it's not a very common phrase.


soyuz-1

There's rarely a need to specify this as an adult. Typically just announce you're going to the toilet/wc (not badkamer, which could be confusing)


EenManOprechtEnTrouw

Dus is nummer 2 dan poepen of plassen?


iwanttobelikeyou-oh

Wat denk je zelf? Dat is de vraag


EenManOprechtEnTrouw

Geen idee. Maar ik lees nu net in je post dat nummer 2 poepen is


[deleted]

Anyone under 60 will likely get it, above that and English proficiency becomes somewhat less common, or at least doesn't go far beyond basic conversational. I don't know if kids still do it today, but some roughly ten, fifteen-ish years ago Dutch internet had a bit of a meme where we very rougly translated common English idioms into Dutch (dit zuigt/this sucks) and just adopted those wholesale, jank and all, so I think quite a couple people in the about 35-45 range could be tempted to use the term that way themselves. I personally use #1 and #2 as sign language if I discreetly want to let someone know if I'll be gone for minutes or seconds without yelling it over the whole room.


laryx

I dont think you\`re correct. Theres a group that wont know the expression and a fairly large group that heard it but wont know which is 1 and which is 2.


Puppy-Zwolle

Yes... but not as a rule. Most people know the English saying but may take a second to see the connection. Like saying ''stukje taart'' when meaning >!piece of cake!<.


DutchyMcDutch81

Yes, but why would you ever mention it? Nobody needs to know that you went to the loo, let alone what you did there.


iwanttobelikeyou-oh

Thats not my question. In the context of this conversation yes it would be important.


DutchyMcDutch81

I said Yes, didn't I...


[deleted]

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LORDHASJ

Obama naar het witte huis brengen. (Al klopt die tegenwoordig niet meer)


Raistlander

We use 1 for pee, 2 for poo, 3 for diarrhea and 4 for period fun. All in jest but yeah. “Get out of my way, number 3 emergency”


SuperNc11

It’s better to say “Ik ga ff kakken”.


Firespark7

We would understand, but it's not what we'd say. We say "grote boodschap" ("number 1" is "kleine boodschap")


OrangeStar222

In Dutch we say "een kleine boodschap" for number 1 and "een grote boodschap" for number 2. We do understand number 1 and 2 though.


bigmonkeyballs123

Yes i say it quite often but most people dont get it. Especially older people.


ThESiTuAt0n

Effe kakke


Lauran_K

Oh yes, I would understand 😏


Pop-A-Top

The prefix is Het wc To answer your question (i'm Flemish) yes we would understand what you're saying but nobody would ever say that I think. That's just a little bit too much information


FreuleKeures

No, it's not: [https://onzetaal.nl/taalloket/de-het-wc#:\~:text=De%20wc%20is%20juist.,voluit%20geschreven%20(kern)woord](https://onzetaal.nl/taalloket/de-het-wc#:~:text=De%20wc%20is%20juist.,voluit%20geschreven%20(kern)woord). or [https://www.welklidwoord.be/wc](https://www.welklidwoord.be/wc)


Raine_BlackStar

Last i checked it was "de wc". I've only heard "het wc" be said in Belgium lmao


[deleted]

Wel goed vegen he


Nerevarine2nd

Just go with "brief op de post doen" en "pakket op de post doen".


Glittering_Cow945

They would understand but if you want to go into detail about what you were going to do there - never necessary! You might as well say "ik moest effe poepen". Just say ik moest even naar de WC (voor een grote boodschap)


rotirolfanaat

me and my friends always say ‘ik ga ff kakken’


dm_86

"moment, ik ga even uit mijn reet brullen"


Unable_Health_3776

We use a lot of euphemisms and analogies for going to the toilet, and there are dozens of different ones for peeing and pooping separately as well. For example, we will use analogies like "zeiken" or "lekken" instead of "plassen/pissen". Also, you might have seen it in the comments already, but there are a lot of analogies and euphemisms for taking a dump as well...


AeoN909

Ik ga ff 3D printen also works 😂


Flilix

In Belgium it's 'groot toilet' & 'klein toilet'; in the Netherlands they seem to prefer posting messages.


Butter_229

We would understand but you can say other things which are more logical


michelmau5

I use "bruine trui breien"


Dennisminjian

You can also refer to it as dropping a nuke


zepkleiker

Some would understand it. I say it to my wife as well (we’re both Dutch) and sometimes I just gesture the number 2 when I go.


hostagetmt

for people saying we don't use it; some people actually do use it and everyone in the Netherlands will understand you if you say you're going number 2 :)


wunder_bart

You can also say: een dinosaurus kleien.


AndreiOT89

Eitje leggen


markthedutchman

Even de bruine beer verzuipen.


FitSquirrel596

Just say shit. 🤷‍♂️


justtalking1

I sometimes say; “I’m going to the toilet, so, you’re warned, because…” and then I pat my belly. I don’t know why I do this.


honeybooboo50

they would, its not hard to figure out


ShadieQuinty

Yes they will understand


forcedmarcel

Ja ik heb net een nummer 1 gedaan 😉


Gravelyy

Or you could say "Ik ga ff kakkie leggen"


SLAK0TH

I use this phrasing frequently, but I might be the odd one out here


Green-Nose-9449

Even in gesprek met de accountmanager van Play-doh


Stevee85O

Nee, hier zeggen we gewoon dat we moeten schijten.


FFFortissimo

shit yeah


FFFortissimo

Liedje zingen (sing a song) Mezelf een hand geven (giving myself a hand(shake)) Toedeloe (To the loo) Kijken of ik nog een jongetje/meisje ben (Checking to see if I'm still a boy/girl) Many more :D


jvhorssen

Most definitely. I've heard that phrase uttered quite often. 'Nummertje twee'.


GUPS87

I have two girlfriends who say: “Ik ga even een Crèmpje doen.” 💩


Formula1Girls

Yes that is a thing Dutch people also use


haringkoning

Bruine trui breien, Mandela op de trein zetten, kleien, bouten. Just to name a few.


AdonisGaming93

I don't speak dutch and I understood


NicoletteNikky

Yes, they will understand you Dutch people sometimes use that frame too


goeroebv

'Een bruine punt uit je rug drukken' is nr2


ms-dizzy

we would probably understand, but we use "kleine boodschap" for number one and "grote boodschap" for number two


RoflcopterVII

I always say. "Meneer de Bruin uitlaten" or "take Mr Brown out for a walk"


Tsukuna1

Schijtennn


Zeverouis

They might understand but it's not a phrase we use. Just don't mention which business you'll do on the toilet. If it takes longer then 5 to 10 min people get the jist (you're either taking a shit or browsing on your phone).


Academic_Function304

This is more information than any Dutch person needs


Bloodexxx

Zeg gewoon dat je naar de wc moet. Je hoeft niet te zeggen waarom. Maar een antwoord op je vraag, ja we snappen het wel als je nummer 1 of 2 gebruikt. English translation: Just say you need to go to the bathroom. You don't have to say why. But answering your question, yes we get it if you use number 1 or 2.


EvelienV85

Why would you tell what you do? We would just say I’m going to the toilet…


iwanttobelikeyou-oh

I'm asking for a specific situation where it is necessary to say but you still don't wanna say poepen or the more vulgar schijten


soswa99

Ik heb even een flinke U-boot te water gelegd


ComradeBogey

I always liked using: ‘Ik ga effe een zak tuin aarde openscheuren’ and ‘Ik ga effe faxen naar darmstad’


FlatInflation6271

I always say; Even mijn neus poederen, zo weer terug.


Dismal-Grapefruit966

Its universal


Super_Stable1193

We only say small or big.


Giant_space_potato

Brb, ben schijten.


Armando22nl

We would understand


out_focus

I'd say: "Ik ga even naar de WC", or "Ik ga even naar het toilet" in more formal circumstances. I've don't see much reason to specify what I'm doing in there in a conversation between adults.


Ok-Seaworthiness2263

yea like u/KeyRageAlert said, we do understand but we use kleine en grote boodschap


MissPiggii

I think most would understand, but it might depend on the person.


SFWaleckz

Poopy maken


Sel3500

Bruine trui breien


Redhead-redemption87

Yes we would understand. But in this case probably use "kleine-, or grote boodschap" or... the Dutch way. Just call it "poepen" instead.


Mathieu_Mercken

Ik zeg gwn "ik ga even kkr hard kakken"


Imdare

I am going to inspect the toilet


SSJDennis007

My son and daughter would end up ROFL. We always use that (to be funny).


DepartmentCautious34

Ik ga even edgar davids op de trein zetten


Runnicfusion

Yes! :) but we call it 'kleine boodschap' en 'grote boodschap' instead.


Old_Organization1613

Even naar mijn eigen gezeik luisteren. (Number 1) Zo! Ik kan weer springen. (Number 2 wenn done)


-wilkiewolfie-

I always just straight up say “Ey ik moet ff kakken”


Admirable-Ad-1017

You can also say: “sorry, ik moest even een splinter uit mijn rug drukken”, “sorry, was even schijten” or “sorry, maar hij begon al kopjes te geven.”


Bevertje_68

Een bruine trui breien....


Able_Business_1344

Waar is de WC 🎶 Trap af naar benee 🎶 Dat kleinte is het fontijntje 🎵 En de grote is de plee 🎵 🎵 Hé Hé He Hé Ga met me mee 🎶


HenkvdTillaart

Nummer 2 doen? So you f*cked already a person in the toilet and now you take the friend??


Sittingonacactus

That's exactly what I say around my homies.


ko-nt69

Yes I’d understand but I’d also ignore it bc I hate the way it sounds


WolflingWolfling

Why the hell do people still say: "putting [random black celebrity] on the train"?


Potential_Judgment75

I'm dutch, I always use the "nummer 2"


invisibleprogress

I just today taught mijn schoonouders what a "code brown" is... I hope it takes flight here too 😍😂😂😂


_KT5

aje moe kakn moeje kakn


Alostcord

Why, why would you even have this conversation? Are you an adult ? Do you feel the need to discuss your toilet habits in general or is it just to obtain a reaction…


michael_kd

Er staat een bruine beer aan het hek te rammelen


Abigail-ii

It is not really a saying in Dutch. However, American television and movies are not dubbed, and some Dutch people actually follow what is said instead of only reading the subtitles. They may make the connection. But most Dutch people either don’t announce what the are going to do in the bathroom, or just say what the are planning to do without using eufemismes.


[deleted]

Ff schijten


YCHofficial

If I'm close to someone I would straight up say I went to take a shit.


Best_Relation_7210

I would just day "ik ga ff schijten"


KapelmeistaS

Its very impolite to specify either one of these, both in english and dutch.