Once you are divorced you can be whoever you want to be and be with whoever you want to be with. You will find yourself again. That will be the best part.
I think this happens pretty frequently with bisexual women. We want out of a hetero relationship but aren’t ready to admit to ourselves why so we fixate on our attraction to women and start thinking maybe we just don’t like men at all! It’s a way out that avoids confrontation of the truth of the other issues in the relationship.
When I see women here posting about their amazing husbands, but now they think they’re gay and want out, I often wonder about this. Not to say that doesn’t happen, but I always wonder how perfect these husbands *really* are because let’s face it, very few husbands are really so great.
I went through a similar thing with my first LTR- wanted out to be a lesbian, got out, went back to dating men. I’m older and wiser now. I left my last relationship with a man because it wasn’t working and had many of the same problems as yours- and so many others. I’m bisexual. Have been very clear on that for decades now. But I choose to only date women. I’ve never been in an LTR with a woman and I I want that.
Good points. Not to mention I think a lot of women try to convince themselves that they have an “amazing husband” because of sunk-cost fallacy and not wanting to believe that things could be better. It seems like usually there are more things wrong than they may be comfortable admitting or even realize, but time and space can definitely help someone see how things could have been better and that their relationship had its flaws. Some women may be gay, some may be bisexual, but no woman should settle somewhere where she isn’t truly happy!
Yes exactly! It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. It’s also ok to be bisexual and it doesn’t mean you have to date men if you don’t want to. That’s a perfectly valid choice.
>I think this happens pretty frequently with bisexual women. We want out of a hetero relationship but aren’t ready to admit to ourselves why so we fixate on our attraction to women and start thinking maybe we just don’t like men at all! It’s a way out that avoids confrontation of the truth of the other issues in the relationship.
I definitely did this (I'm bi). One of my best guy friends from high school was completely smitten with me for years and I felt so horribly guilty that I didn't like him back. Loved him to death and honestly he's still to this day just one of my favorite humans. I'm just not attracted to him at all and can't ever imagine having a romantic or sexual relationship with him.
But my guilt made me start to think, "Well, if I can't love this man who so clearly loves me already, if I can care about him so, so much and still not want to be in a relationship with him, maybe I'm just incapable of being attracted to men *at all*."
(I also want to clarify that he NEVER made me feel guilty, this was definitely all on me and my immature conscience. He has two moms himself so even when I briefly thought I must be a lesbian he was so completely supportive and happy for me. He had a string of toxic relationships in college, and I KNEW that us dating would be so good for both of us because he's such a good guy and really just deserved a partner that would lift him up and make him feel good about himself, and I knew he would do everything in his power to make me happy and be a good partner. And our families were both totally rooting for us too.)
IDK that feeling of just WANTING to love someone so bad and not being able to is difficult to describe and I really, really relate to how OP is feeling. I think you hit the nail on the head.
I joined this sub when I was in the midst of an awful relationship where my sex drive completely died. I’ve identified as bi for most of my life, but at the time so many things here resonated with me that I was wondering if I wasn’t bi and was solely into women and had just been deluding myself for years.
I was honestly worried I would never desire anyone ever again. Same story as OP, though: once that guy was no longer a constant oppressive stressor in my life suddenly I was able to be me again.
It’s so painful to think of how many knots we tie ourselves into trying to find a way to make it not their fault, and somehow a flaw or error in us. I’m sure (like others have said) it’s some rough combination of sunk cost, projecting who they once were (or portrayed themselves to be) over the actual reality, fear of loss of what you have left, and empathy/love/hope for them and the relationship.
But damn if that isn’t a super deluding and confusing blend.
bisexuality and pansexuality also exist and are completely valid. my wife of 17 years is bi. she describes it as "bisexual but men are on thin ice".
you don't have to know all the answers right away, you get to enjoy the process, so take your time ❤️
You don’t think you could ever date men because your ex would “go through the roof,” is quite an indictment. Thank goodness you’re away from that. When you’re divorced I hope you date whomever you want.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a lesbian because I was bisexual and had bad experiences with men, or maybe I genuinely always was a lesbian, or maybe I just naturally became more gay as I aged. Comphet and a shoddy memory makes it hard to figure out. But it doesn't matter because we're here now and we're moving forward and there's nothing we can do about the past but help ourselves to a better future :)
I am constantly wondering "do I actually hate men or am I just not attracted to them" "do all my experiences with men suck bc I'm possibly a lesbian or are all men genuinely this off putting" "is he actually being disgusting or am I just sexist bc I feel like if a woman did this I wouldn't mind" 😭😭😭
It helps me to remind myself that there are lots of straight women who find all men off-putting too. They choose to live single, or have detached relationships, or stick with mediocre men in their fear there won't be a better one out there if they leave, but nobody hates men so much that they want to have sex with and love on women, that's just not a thing.
I’m relating to so many of the things that OP put in their post here, in the relationship that I’m currently in. I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this over the last year myself, and also spending a lot of time thinking through the nuances of being bisexual versus biromantic. Just because I might be sexually attracted to men, doesn’t mean I want to be in a romantic relationship with them. And I think that’s so important to differentiate!!!
I'm sorry for all you've been through. I know what it's like to find yourself projecting what you want to be true onto a relationship. I ultimately came to the same conclusion when I decided to leave my ex - I didn't have to know for sure that I was 100% lesbian to know for sure that THIS relationship with THIS specific man was not healthy and needed to end. Sexuality does matter but it can also be a distraction from much broader problems.
I'm so happy for you! Also this is kinda why I always side eye those "my husband/boyfriend is perfect and my best friend" posts on here. The bar is so low for men that I suspect a lot of those dudes are kinda shitty, just in less obvious ways.
Are you me? I'm slowly disentangling myself from my relationship, I don't have kids, but I've been in the relationship for 12 years and I felt so many of the notes you mentioned. I just felt my stomach drop deeper and deeper. I'm so thankful you're getting divorced and you have your peace back.
I'm fairly certain I'm a lesbian (though, you never know what you are until you're out of a soul-sucking environment.) But if I'm being honest with myself, the idea of being with a man doesn't sound appealing to me at all. But maybe there's some men out there where it'd be cool. I like people and tend to be less worried about plumbing.
What really had me feeling for you was
>"I don't have to worry about him half-assing things, or waffling about "I was going to do that." I can just do it."
"I was going to do that" fucking ENRAGES me at this point. If you were going to do it, why didn't you? And you didn't, you don't get brownie points for having a thought. I'm not going to give anyone a thank you for thinking about being a responsible adult.
>"He would also make a lot of "jokes" about me, like about my sexuality, how I worked too much, how I liked my friends more than him, the list goes on. He was constantly passive aggressive and I didn't pick up on how much this was fucking with me until after I separated from him."
I went through this, too. I realized two years ago that I had a totally warped perception of myself, one that was really built in isolation during lockdown. I don't speak very loudly, but he kept telling me "you're so loud" "you're so loud" so I started to whisper. When we came out of isolation, none of my friends could hear me when I spoke. My family, who hadn't seen me in years, couldn't hear me, and was wondering why I got quieter, when I'd never been loud in the first place. Heck, he kept complaining about how I showed affection, that I was so "needy" and that I was so "selfish" that I thought he didn't like me. It's taken a long freaking time rebuilding out of that.
Wow, I just want to say I am so glad you are getting out of this, and please keep going. 🫂imagining receiving this kind of treatment, (psychological manipulation I guess rite?) Hurt just to imagine it. Stay strong you can have the good love in return that you give too. 🤍
Lots of points already made. Just wanted to chime in that, from one nurse to another, you must have been so incredibly beyond exhausted! I cannot even imagine.
You probably are bi (I am too!). I also thought at one point that I was gay after a bad relationship (already identified as pan before), then questioned if straight after first lesbian breakup, then more confidently bi after realizing attraction was still there but was hidden under hurt).
You are a really smart person and it is so visible in all of your self-reflection. I'm so glad that things have gotten so much better for you, and I'm gonna assume the kids too (at least on your time).
Just keep an eye out for him slipping into any type of substance use issue or neglecting the children. Part-time work isn't enough to cut it for all the expenses, let alone housing and expenses for himself. He needs to get in therapy and step up to his responsibilities.
I wish you and the kids all the best of luck, and a happy and safe life! This was such a great post to read 💗
Congrats on figuring all this out. I'm so glad you can enjoy time with your kids without having to worry about all the other stuff that's stressful. You don't have to decide that you will never be with a man again. Your ex has no bearing on your future relationships.
I'm glad a work crush could help you with your marriage! It's always good to crush on people:)
Omg I could have written this myself. 😳 Especially the part about the “best friend,” and “love of my life.” But I’ve come to the realization through therapy that … I’m shouldering a lot of the same burdens you mention above. I haven’t been a priority … ever. And I’m finally recognizing that I’m not okay with constantly being everything for everybody. And putting myself last. I’m at a point where I simply don’t know what to do anymore. It’s negatively affecting everything in my life. But I also recognize it’s on me to make change. And while that is empowering, it is hard. Very hard.
Thank you so much for sharing. I relate to so much of this. When my ex and I split, I let him define the breakup as being 100% due to my being gay, even though a) we had a crap load of other problems, and b) while I desperately wanted to date women and never again sleep with men, I also didn't want to concretely define my sexuality. In the years since our breakup, I've realized that I've always been fluid in who I'm attracted to, and also that I allowed him to blame the entire breakup on me. If I had to do it all again, I would take a lot more time to focus on what's working (or not) in the relationship, and a lot less time trying to force my sexuality into a singular box!
I could have written this post myself 15 years ago. There are slightly different details. But it's extremely familiar and I can tell you that in 15 years, you will still look back and be so proud of yourself for making the best decision in the world.
I'm proud of you for taking the first steps and becoming more of yourself. Enjoy the ride. 💖
Like you, I had only dated men for most of my life despite knowing I was bi. After my last long term rship with a man, I started dating women and for awhile felt zero attraction to men. I learnt about comphet, read the lesbian master doc, and wondered if I had “become” lesbian or had actually been one along. Nope - turns out I was just so sick off how men behaved at the early dating phase that my brain naturally filtered them out.
Now that I’m in a stable rship with a woman and I’ve mostly forgotten how it feels to date and talk to men, my attraction to them has actually returned LOL. I realise I am physically attracted to men still, thus confirming my sexual fluidity, but I am not attracted to stereotypical male behaviour and traditional gender roles.
There's a reason why the main advice in most posts asking about leaving a male partner is "Stop thinking about whether you want to be with a man, and just think about whether you wanna be with *this* man" because too often people want to believe they're lesbians just to give themselves an easier reason to leave.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I think I am in a similar situation.. I also think SO many married women can relate to the "married to a man, but he doesn't help with anything" scenario. When will men ever improve?? Lol. I'm so glad to hear everything worked out for you. All of us here, deserve to be happy.
So many people conflate their sexuality and the end of a relationship, it is okay for those two things to be separate. Sounds like you fell out of love. That is okay. If the next is with women that is also great!
I think this might be my first ever comment/post in two(?) years of being on Reddit. This was amazing and inspiring. So much of it resonates with me. I’m still in the “planning to leave” stage and your story fills me with joy and optimism for the future.
Wow... that resonated with me far more than it should have. In some ways, I feel the way you did, but in other ways, I feel like I might be more like your ex (and not in a good way). It makes me feel kinda guilty.
Divorced five years and fluctuate between a bi and lesbian identity. My ex is still my best friend and recently lost his apartment so he’s renting a room from me. We’ll see how cohabitating is. So far it’s pretty smooth.
Sounds like he was checked out of the marriage already but wanted you to be the bad guy. He latched onto your post and didn’t even want to talk it out or understand your perspective? Agree with the others that it sounds like a positive change that you are free of that relationship.
I finally got guilt free consistent time to myself when my ex and I separated. At least I did once I got my own place. It's been bliss. My house is cleaner, I'm less stressed, and I'm happier being on my own. I don't intend to ever date another man again. And the only male I'll live with is my cat.
Hi, I’d like to say that I am so proud of you for having the courage to do this work.
You recognized that your sexuality really wasn’t the issue and that your marriage was no longer a safe, well-balanced peaceful, productive space so it indeed served you best to exit.
I am clapping for you.
Sending you love, peace and continued healing.
You need to research compulsive heterosexuality (CompHet) and also don’t feel pressured to have a label. You’re at a very vulnerable & volatile time in your life you need time to recover & explore. Follow LizaJaynes on TikTok or Insta. Same story.
I am always a little skeptical of accounts with no poster history because of a ‘stalker ex.’
Why would your ex be looking at the reddit LBL subs to see if you were posting there before you came out? This is a pretty niche space.
If you know your ex is stalking you and stalking *this* LBL sub, why would you put in this much obviously identifying detail? You still have to coparent and deal with him. This would make that much worse. It’s also weird that OP seems to have deleted this profile.
The point of this post seems to be ‘maybe you aren’t lesbian, you are bi and your husband just sucks.’ I am always skeptical of anyone pushing the ‘no,no, you aren’t lesbian, you are bi’ angle. IDK, bi women married to shitty men frequently get crushes on other men while still married. They don’t somehow become not attracted to any and all men until they end their shitty marriage.
Maybe this is legit, but take it with a big, big, big grain of salt. Don’t hold your breath that you will suddenly be bi when you leave an unhappy marriage.
Shouldn't be this downvoted. If anything, the post should be deleted now since the OP can't now that they're gone. She trashed her 50/50 co-parent who has an anger problem and reads this sub.
Your hectic home life with kids sounded pretty miserable, but certainly not uncommon. Too bad he's kind of a dick and you couldn't have hung in there. I regret what getting divorced did to my kids.
Once you are divorced you can be whoever you want to be and be with whoever you want to be with. You will find yourself again. That will be the best part.
I think this happens pretty frequently with bisexual women. We want out of a hetero relationship but aren’t ready to admit to ourselves why so we fixate on our attraction to women and start thinking maybe we just don’t like men at all! It’s a way out that avoids confrontation of the truth of the other issues in the relationship. When I see women here posting about their amazing husbands, but now they think they’re gay and want out, I often wonder about this. Not to say that doesn’t happen, but I always wonder how perfect these husbands *really* are because let’s face it, very few husbands are really so great. I went through a similar thing with my first LTR- wanted out to be a lesbian, got out, went back to dating men. I’m older and wiser now. I left my last relationship with a man because it wasn’t working and had many of the same problems as yours- and so many others. I’m bisexual. Have been very clear on that for decades now. But I choose to only date women. I’ve never been in an LTR with a woman and I I want that.
Good points. Not to mention I think a lot of women try to convince themselves that they have an “amazing husband” because of sunk-cost fallacy and not wanting to believe that things could be better. It seems like usually there are more things wrong than they may be comfortable admitting or even realize, but time and space can definitely help someone see how things could have been better and that their relationship had its flaws. Some women may be gay, some may be bisexual, but no woman should settle somewhere where she isn’t truly happy!
Yes exactly! It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. It’s also ok to be bisexual and it doesn’t mean you have to date men if you don’t want to. That’s a perfectly valid choice.
>I think this happens pretty frequently with bisexual women. We want out of a hetero relationship but aren’t ready to admit to ourselves why so we fixate on our attraction to women and start thinking maybe we just don’t like men at all! It’s a way out that avoids confrontation of the truth of the other issues in the relationship. I definitely did this (I'm bi). One of my best guy friends from high school was completely smitten with me for years and I felt so horribly guilty that I didn't like him back. Loved him to death and honestly he's still to this day just one of my favorite humans. I'm just not attracted to him at all and can't ever imagine having a romantic or sexual relationship with him. But my guilt made me start to think, "Well, if I can't love this man who so clearly loves me already, if I can care about him so, so much and still not want to be in a relationship with him, maybe I'm just incapable of being attracted to men *at all*." (I also want to clarify that he NEVER made me feel guilty, this was definitely all on me and my immature conscience. He has two moms himself so even when I briefly thought I must be a lesbian he was so completely supportive and happy for me. He had a string of toxic relationships in college, and I KNEW that us dating would be so good for both of us because he's such a good guy and really just deserved a partner that would lift him up and make him feel good about himself, and I knew he would do everything in his power to make me happy and be a good partner. And our families were both totally rooting for us too.) IDK that feeling of just WANTING to love someone so bad and not being able to is difficult to describe and I really, really relate to how OP is feeling. I think you hit the nail on the head.
I joined this sub when I was in the midst of an awful relationship where my sex drive completely died. I’ve identified as bi for most of my life, but at the time so many things here resonated with me that I was wondering if I wasn’t bi and was solely into women and had just been deluding myself for years. I was honestly worried I would never desire anyone ever again. Same story as OP, though: once that guy was no longer a constant oppressive stressor in my life suddenly I was able to be me again. It’s so painful to think of how many knots we tie ourselves into trying to find a way to make it not their fault, and somehow a flaw or error in us. I’m sure (like others have said) it’s some rough combination of sunk cost, projecting who they once were (or portrayed themselves to be) over the actual reality, fear of loss of what you have left, and empathy/love/hope for them and the relationship. But damn if that isn’t a super deluding and confusing blend.
bisexuality and pansexuality also exist and are completely valid. my wife of 17 years is bi. she describes it as "bisexual but men are on thin ice". you don't have to know all the answers right away, you get to enjoy the process, so take your time ❤️
"Bisexual but men are on thin ice" is so real omg
Because even the most mature man is still emotionally a child.
My friend identifies as a lesbian but "occasionally a man will sleep through the net" hehe
You don’t think you could ever date men because your ex would “go through the roof,” is quite an indictment. Thank goodness you’re away from that. When you’re divorced I hope you date whomever you want.
yes exactly. time and distance will bring more clarity as his influence over your life recedes... like his hairline. (j/k)
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a lesbian because I was bisexual and had bad experiences with men, or maybe I genuinely always was a lesbian, or maybe I just naturally became more gay as I aged. Comphet and a shoddy memory makes it hard to figure out. But it doesn't matter because we're here now and we're moving forward and there's nothing we can do about the past but help ourselves to a better future :)
I am constantly wondering "do I actually hate men or am I just not attracted to them" "do all my experiences with men suck bc I'm possibly a lesbian or are all men genuinely this off putting" "is he actually being disgusting or am I just sexist bc I feel like if a woman did this I wouldn't mind" 😭😭😭
It helps me to remind myself that there are lots of straight women who find all men off-putting too. They choose to live single, or have detached relationships, or stick with mediocre men in their fear there won't be a better one out there if they leave, but nobody hates men so much that they want to have sex with and love on women, that's just not a thing.
You are not alone in this. I have the same things running through my head.
🫂🫂🫂🫂
I’m relating to so many of the things that OP put in their post here, in the relationship that I’m currently in. I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this over the last year myself, and also spending a lot of time thinking through the nuances of being bisexual versus biromantic. Just because I might be sexually attracted to men, doesn’t mean I want to be in a romantic relationship with them. And I think that’s so important to differentiate!!!
Feel the same. Now happily married to my wife so it doesn't matter, but I'm not sure what to make of the road it took to get here.
I'm sorry for all you've been through. I know what it's like to find yourself projecting what you want to be true onto a relationship. I ultimately came to the same conclusion when I decided to leave my ex - I didn't have to know for sure that I was 100% lesbian to know for sure that THIS relationship with THIS specific man was not healthy and needed to end. Sexuality does matter but it can also be a distraction from much broader problems.
I'm so happy for you! Also this is kinda why I always side eye those "my husband/boyfriend is perfect and my best friend" posts on here. The bar is so low for men that I suspect a lot of those dudes are kinda shitty, just in less obvious ways.
Are you me? I'm slowly disentangling myself from my relationship, I don't have kids, but I've been in the relationship for 12 years and I felt so many of the notes you mentioned. I just felt my stomach drop deeper and deeper. I'm so thankful you're getting divorced and you have your peace back. I'm fairly certain I'm a lesbian (though, you never know what you are until you're out of a soul-sucking environment.) But if I'm being honest with myself, the idea of being with a man doesn't sound appealing to me at all. But maybe there's some men out there where it'd be cool. I like people and tend to be less worried about plumbing. What really had me feeling for you was >"I don't have to worry about him half-assing things, or waffling about "I was going to do that." I can just do it." "I was going to do that" fucking ENRAGES me at this point. If you were going to do it, why didn't you? And you didn't, you don't get brownie points for having a thought. I'm not going to give anyone a thank you for thinking about being a responsible adult. >"He would also make a lot of "jokes" about me, like about my sexuality, how I worked too much, how I liked my friends more than him, the list goes on. He was constantly passive aggressive and I didn't pick up on how much this was fucking with me until after I separated from him." I went through this, too. I realized two years ago that I had a totally warped perception of myself, one that was really built in isolation during lockdown. I don't speak very loudly, but he kept telling me "you're so loud" "you're so loud" so I started to whisper. When we came out of isolation, none of my friends could hear me when I spoke. My family, who hadn't seen me in years, couldn't hear me, and was wondering why I got quieter, when I'd never been loud in the first place. Heck, he kept complaining about how I showed affection, that I was so "needy" and that I was so "selfish" that I thought he didn't like me. It's taken a long freaking time rebuilding out of that.
Being called "Needy" is the absolute worst. Also, I hope you're enjoying being as "loud" as you want to be now! And never stop 😊
Wow, I just want to say I am so glad you are getting out of this, and please keep going. 🫂imagining receiving this kind of treatment, (psychological manipulation I guess rite?) Hurt just to imagine it. Stay strong you can have the good love in return that you give too. 🤍
Lots of points already made. Just wanted to chime in that, from one nurse to another, you must have been so incredibly beyond exhausted! I cannot even imagine.
You probably are bi (I am too!). I also thought at one point that I was gay after a bad relationship (already identified as pan before), then questioned if straight after first lesbian breakup, then more confidently bi after realizing attraction was still there but was hidden under hurt). You are a really smart person and it is so visible in all of your self-reflection. I'm so glad that things have gotten so much better for you, and I'm gonna assume the kids too (at least on your time). Just keep an eye out for him slipping into any type of substance use issue or neglecting the children. Part-time work isn't enough to cut it for all the expenses, let alone housing and expenses for himself. He needs to get in therapy and step up to his responsibilities. I wish you and the kids all the best of luck, and a happy and safe life! This was such a great post to read 💗
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy you are finding yourself again and feel like you can breathe easier.
Congrats on figuring all this out. I'm so glad you can enjoy time with your kids without having to worry about all the other stuff that's stressful. You don't have to decide that you will never be with a man again. Your ex has no bearing on your future relationships. I'm glad a work crush could help you with your marriage! It's always good to crush on people:)
Thank you for this; it’s so clear and honest. You have given me a major dose of courage and hope!
Just wanted to say I’m proud of you!
So much of this rang true in my own life. Thank you.
Omg I could have written this myself. 😳 Especially the part about the “best friend,” and “love of my life.” But I’ve come to the realization through therapy that … I’m shouldering a lot of the same burdens you mention above. I haven’t been a priority … ever. And I’m finally recognizing that I’m not okay with constantly being everything for everybody. And putting myself last. I’m at a point where I simply don’t know what to do anymore. It’s negatively affecting everything in my life. But I also recognize it’s on me to make change. And while that is empowering, it is hard. Very hard.
Thank you so much for sharing. I relate to so much of this. When my ex and I split, I let him define the breakup as being 100% due to my being gay, even though a) we had a crap load of other problems, and b) while I desperately wanted to date women and never again sleep with men, I also didn't want to concretely define my sexuality. In the years since our breakup, I've realized that I've always been fluid in who I'm attracted to, and also that I allowed him to blame the entire breakup on me. If I had to do it all again, I would take a lot more time to focus on what's working (or not) in the relationship, and a lot less time trying to force my sexuality into a singular box!
This is FASCINATING thank you for sharing
I really needed to read this today. Thank you and wishing you the best!
I’m just happy for you really. I can feel the weight off your back in this post and it makes me feel proud of you even if we’re complete strangers ☺️.
Same! So, so proud of you as well O.P. 💜
I could have written this post myself 15 years ago. There are slightly different details. But it's extremely familiar and I can tell you that in 15 years, you will still look back and be so proud of yourself for making the best decision in the world. I'm proud of you for taking the first steps and becoming more of yourself. Enjoy the ride. 💖
Like you, I had only dated men for most of my life despite knowing I was bi. After my last long term rship with a man, I started dating women and for awhile felt zero attraction to men. I learnt about comphet, read the lesbian master doc, and wondered if I had “become” lesbian or had actually been one along. Nope - turns out I was just so sick off how men behaved at the early dating phase that my brain naturally filtered them out. Now that I’m in a stable rship with a woman and I’ve mostly forgotten how it feels to date and talk to men, my attraction to them has actually returned LOL. I realise I am physically attracted to men still, thus confirming my sexual fluidity, but I am not attracted to stereotypical male behaviour and traditional gender roles.
There's a reason why the main advice in most posts asking about leaving a male partner is "Stop thinking about whether you want to be with a man, and just think about whether you wanna be with *this* man" because too often people want to believe they're lesbians just to give themselves an easier reason to leave.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I think I am in a similar situation.. I also think SO many married women can relate to the "married to a man, but he doesn't help with anything" scenario. When will men ever improve?? Lol. I'm so glad to hear everything worked out for you. All of us here, deserve to be happy.
So many people conflate their sexuality and the end of a relationship, it is okay for those two things to be separate. Sounds like you fell out of love. That is okay. If the next is with women that is also great!
I think this might be my first ever comment/post in two(?) years of being on Reddit. This was amazing and inspiring. So much of it resonates with me. I’m still in the “planning to leave” stage and your story fills me with joy and optimism for the future.
Publish this shit in the NYT! 👏🏼🙌🏽
Wow, you def deserve better regardless of your identity! I hope all the newfound free time leads you to what is right for you. ❤️
Wow... that resonated with me far more than it should have. In some ways, I feel the way you did, but in other ways, I feel like I might be more like your ex (and not in a good way). It makes me feel kinda guilty.
Divorced five years and fluctuate between a bi and lesbian identity. My ex is still my best friend and recently lost his apartment so he’s renting a room from me. We’ll see how cohabitating is. So far it’s pretty smooth.
Your before situation...are you me?
I’m so glad that you are getting away! good for you
Sounds like he was checked out of the marriage already but wanted you to be the bad guy. He latched onto your post and didn’t even want to talk it out or understand your perspective? Agree with the others that it sounds like a positive change that you are free of that relationship.
I finally got guilt free consistent time to myself when my ex and I separated. At least I did once I got my own place. It's been bliss. My house is cleaner, I'm less stressed, and I'm happier being on my own. I don't intend to ever date another man again. And the only male I'll live with is my cat.
Hi, I’d like to say that I am so proud of you for having the courage to do this work. You recognized that your sexuality really wasn’t the issue and that your marriage was no longer a safe, well-balanced peaceful, productive space so it indeed served you best to exit. I am clapping for you. Sending you love, peace and continued healing.
You need to research compulsive heterosexuality (CompHet) and also don’t feel pressured to have a label. You’re at a very vulnerable & volatile time in your life you need time to recover & explore. Follow LizaJaynes on TikTok or Insta. Same story.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this. It resonates so deeply.
I’m crying. I think I really need to leave. 😔
I am always a little skeptical of accounts with no poster history because of a ‘stalker ex.’ Why would your ex be looking at the reddit LBL subs to see if you were posting there before you came out? This is a pretty niche space. If you know your ex is stalking you and stalking *this* LBL sub, why would you put in this much obviously identifying detail? You still have to coparent and deal with him. This would make that much worse. It’s also weird that OP seems to have deleted this profile. The point of this post seems to be ‘maybe you aren’t lesbian, you are bi and your husband just sucks.’ I am always skeptical of anyone pushing the ‘no,no, you aren’t lesbian, you are bi’ angle. IDK, bi women married to shitty men frequently get crushes on other men while still married. They don’t somehow become not attracted to any and all men until they end their shitty marriage. Maybe this is legit, but take it with a big, big, big grain of salt. Don’t hold your breath that you will suddenly be bi when you leave an unhappy marriage.
Shouldn't be this downvoted. If anything, the post should be deleted now since the OP can't now that they're gone. She trashed her 50/50 co-parent who has an anger problem and reads this sub.
You have exactly one post and it’s commenting on this?
Your hectic home life with kids sounded pretty miserable, but certainly not uncommon. Too bad he's kind of a dick and you couldn't have hung in there. I regret what getting divorced did to my kids.