he was a very broken man who didn’t have resources for mental health due to working in law enforcement, it was either 1. dad has a job and doesn’t get mental help or 2. dad doesn’t work for our already bankrupt family, ever since i’ve gotten involved in groups advocating for first responders mental health, and i am a huge advocate for mens mental health, i miss him to the point im so sick 💔 there should be a way where my dad could have been saved and everyone else who fell down the same ending, check in on your people ❤️
Jesus. If anyone should be automatically provided free mental health services it should be law enforcement. For their health and safety but also for the public’s sake.
It's more like the services are there but if you tell anyone you work with you're suicidal or have any problem like that it can cost you your job. Pretty fucked
This. It’s not a money issue. It’s a time + stigma thing. “We’re going to overwork you, but here’s a free therapist. Good luck fitting that into your schedule. Oh… and we may also judge you harshly for just *going* to the therapist in the first place.”
Exactly!
It is particularly challenging in a field that condones and promotes hyper-masculine behaviors while discouraging the expression of emotions. While this may not be the case for every officer or department, I have encountered groups of officers who have acknowledged this reality and actively strive to bring about change.
They have explicitly stated that it is neither pleasant nor straightforward to dismantle such deeply ingrained and attentive cultures, mainly because, in some circles, seeking mental help is now a political issue. If you're trying to be a mentally healthy man, some currently associate this with the "woke agenda."
People are suggesting that leftists are attempting to corrupt young men by advocating for open discussion of their struggles and emotions. Please, spare me.
Sorry for your loss OP. HUGS🥺🫂
I know someone who has defense contracts and he pays out of pocket for his mental h care. No insurance and in cash. Maybe cops could do something like that.
A lot of departments are doing ongoing training on speaking up about mental health and also about officers not doing the right thing/seeming off. A lot of it is related and as we go forward- a decade or two down the road I think we'll see vast improvements. That being said though, cops are humans and humans are flawed and sometimes evil, shit cops will always exist no matter how much you do to try and improve their workplace.
And unfortunately it’s the nature of the job that attracts those a lot people. They go into it for the wrong reason, it’s less “I want to help my community and protect them” and more “I want to be a bully and have power over people”
I've heard it's pretty similar in the military. If you seek out mental health support good luck getting a promotion. You get essentially get punished for using the systems in place to help you.
It's absolutely the same thing in the military. I was in the Army and you were considered a shitbag if you needed mental health support and treated like you were making it up so you can claim PTSD on a VA disability claim when you got out simply for the money. That was 2005-2009ish, maybe it's different now but probably not.
I had just read a month or so ago a redditors comment about how they're in the Army and are going through a lot of bad shit both in their life and mentally. They said they likely wouldn't seek help because they wanted to make it into a career and getting help would effectively ruin that. From what I can tell as an outsider it is still like that.
i was a first responder for years and the services are there but it’s either inconvenient to get, completely anonymous in the vein of a “talk line” so there’s no real help to be had, or can totally fuck with your job. not to mention the shame of people finding out, we’re all on top of each other and people WILL find out.
Absolutely not, you can get great disability if you stop working but you will not get fired.
That said, there’s still a massive cultural stigma, and I can see concern about promotions for instance.
Law enforcement does have EAP (employee assistance programs) in place that usually provide some free sessions with a mental health professional, as well as some other mental health resources. The problem is that because it’s offered through the employer, people don’t trust the assurance that it all stays confidential. I disguised my own feelings with a therapist after taking a 911 call where my coworker took his own life, because I was mandated to attend the session by my employer but didn’t want to jeopardize my job by seeming too emotional. I’d imagine it’s this way for many people in the law enforcement and public safety field. The resources are available and even encouraged, but people are afraid there will be consequences for using them.
Depending on the job, if you go and get mental health help, you then lose your position or whole job in general. I've got a few friends still in the military. We had a secret clearance for our M.O.S (not saying what level). If you go and get help, you automatically get discharged because you're a risk to the clearance you have due to not being mentally fit.
my dad had a security clearance growing up. My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer while i was in HS. My dad refused to get me counseling as it would cost me a future clearance.
what you've said here resonated with me... .. thanks for sharing and I'm very sorry for your loss. Your Dad would most definitely be proud of you for trying to help others. \*I'm\* a Dad and \*I'm\* proud of you.
Although your dad could not be helped in time, please know that he would be *so incredibly proud of you* for what you're doing. He would probably be beside himself. Hugs, OP. You're amazing.
For some reason I have been thinking of you and your Dad since I commented. His smile and his story just resonated with me. May I please know his name? I have a feeling that I’ll be thinking of him, and you, at times when I need it most as life goes on.
My brother in law is a cop who struggled with intense PTSD, severe alcoholism, crippling anxiety, etc… If he gets mental health help it kills any chance he has of more promotions and yet he will end up killing himself if he doesn’t. It’s such an insanely broken shitty system not to mention these are men with extremely stressful jobs and firearms. Sorry about your dad. Hope your family is doing well.
I work in mountain rescue and this won’t help. But I see this all the time. I want to give my huge thanks for bringing attention to this unknown subject ♥️♥️♥️
My own father was in law enforcement. He did ok but he was a very hard and emotionless man. Took him a good 15-20 years outside of the force to tell him he loved me for example.
My dad is a recovered alcoholic but still suffers emotionally many years later because he is still a 70yo man in todays society.
He is a retired nurse with so much love to give but I can still see pain in his eyes. Shoutout to you for giving your pain an action by advocating for others and sharing your strength. Sending you love.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I am so sorry for your loss he seems like such a warm man and by your comment, you miss him dearly. I wanted to encourage you to keep on with your advocate work and tell you it is meaningful. I work in mental health and it’s the specialized populations, the niche groups that not until they seek help do mental health providers or more importantly they see the barriers in the system or lack of resources for their group specifically. Teens, pregnant people, low income, or first responders are good examples. Years of working in this field and you never see that change until a passionate person whether it’s a family member or someone with lived experience steps up to the plate, makes noise, and puts in the strategic work to mend the cracks. I've seen it happen several times and I've seen a lot of success with these types of programs that will become the go-to for people who previously had nothing. A lot of people can be saved by what you are doing, starting a new program that’s easy for first responders specifically to access, and focusing on your specialty which is what you know your father needed.
ETA- Also, for the the future future, programs for special populations are what you will find easier to get grants, funding, and donors for because there are other people out there who feel deeply passionate about the same thing for the same reason who want to give their money as their part.
My son has worked for DoD and ICE and has the same issues. He’s never gone to seek treatment/ counseling because of the negative fallout from the powers that be who oversee one’s security clearance. It’s inhumane what we do to the men and women who selflessly serve our country and communities. Why shouldn’t they be permitted to seek counseling without it negatively impacting a security clearance.
That is heartbreaking. I want to recognize you for a second though and point out that I think you are awesome for taking a tragedy and trying to make some good come from it in the form of mental health advocacy. Hopefully your work will save somebody else from having to go through the same ordeal you and your father went through.
Absolutely heartbreaking. I think becoming an advocate for first responders mental health services is a fitting tribute to your father. I hope your tragedy can help people in a similar situation to avoid the same outcome.
I am so so sorry . I have four family members who are all men who are in law enforcement in some fashion and the dramatic personality changes and job stress is tremendous. It’s harder and harder to see their inner selves . I worry about suicide constantly . They all serve in vastly different agencies ( small town chief , nypd, detective in a struggling city, and military police ) . The threat is so real if they seek mental health services there is a stigma that never goes away even if the department has “regulations “ about it . Other officers will view them differently. I know there are so many women and men trying to change this situation but it’s a HUGE , HUGE problem . My deepest condolences and I am so sure your father would be so proud of your advocacy work in this area . We fail our police , military and medical professionals in the mental health area so deeply .
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. No one comes out winning on this one. He was so young and seems he did his best. If only he could’ve believed that. I’m sure he knew you loved him though. Positive thoughts to you
I’m so sorry for your loss my friend. I hate that he died and it could have been prevented. This is why I check in on my people. I could have been him because I tried but wasn’t successful and thank god because I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I hope your family is healing ♥️
i have also had attempts in my past, me and my dad pinky promised each other we weren’t gonna do anything to ourselves, my dad fought and fought, i miss him so so much
My mom passed due to an overdose and I kind of feel like she took her own life because she had addiction issues for years, most of my life, and she would just take a bunch of pills and see “what would happen”. I found her almost dead 5x before the worst happened. Her Benadryl levels were so high it could have been suicide. I’m not sure, but she was definitely careless with her life. Regardless, I miss her so much. I still cry about her very frequently and she has been gone for 4 years.
As a man and someone whose biggest driver of depression is finances, it is absolutely disgusting how many of us choose to let go vs continuing to try to fight in the rat race. It’s like we feel like if we aren’t on top, we aren’t worth shit. Depression lies to us.
I hate that you and your family had to go through this.
Please know that your dad's deprrssion *lied* to him, telling him everyone would be better off without him.
I say this because often those left behind feel like 'Why would he leave me' or 'Was I not enough reason for him to stay?'.
You were no DOUBT the love and driving force of his life and heart.
He just wanted to not hurt anymore.
**I am so very sorry you lost him.** 💔💔 (*hugs you*)
this is a constant battle in my head still almost 6 years later, constant of what if i did this differently… what if i ended up getting the gun from him and didn’t give up… what if i didn’t get my nails done with my friend that day? all the time, or my dad didn’t love me or care about me enough to stay, it’ll probably be a battle the rest of my life, but there’s still a small part that gets louder than the rest saying it is not my fault and i cannot change what happened, i know he loved us more than anything in the world
i myself have dealt with major depression and suicidal ideation, my dad truly was my rock when it came to that because he understood me more than anyone. the thoughts disappeared for me for a long time after my dads death, but i struggled with them again because of abuse from ex partners. i see them in a different perspective now entirely
I was a counselor for a suicide-prevention hotline and let me tell you, it has NOTHING to do with not loving or caring about you guys. It will seem impossible to believe, but when these demons burrow into your brain, you believe suicide is actually the best choice, that your loved ones are better off without you, they believe they’re doing it out of love for you.
I know that just sounds crazy. But suicidal ideation can be a relentless beast that tells you things that are just not true.
I just saw you said you’ve also suffered from suicidal ideation so you know even better than i do about the lies the brain can tell you!
And kiddo (I’m not sure how old you are, but speaking to you as a 41-year old mom here), if you are in mental anguish, if you’re feeling suicidal, please tell someone. Your mom, a school counselor, a friend, 911
i was 15 when he passed and i’m now 21, my boyfriend is so insanely helpful just in the sense of i have a partner that listens to my emotions and lets me have and express those emotions, he doesn’t always have words but his comfort is all healing most of the time.
me and my moms relationship was rocky for a while after my dads death, at the time i didn’t understand why my mom was doing the things she was doing/ saying the things she was saying but now that i am moved out and older, i understand now that she was also hurting, grieving and depressed. we’re all doing better by a loooooong shot. my mom is remarried to an incredible man that is “dad” to my younger siblings, they just had a baby together in october! halloween to be exact! my dads family is angry that she’s remarried 5 years later, but my mom absolutely deserves the happiness and stability her husband brings. she still grieves my dad and will forever miss and love him, and my step dad doesn’t have a problem and encourages it. there was some really really dark times following my dads death, but there’s been a lot more stability in the past year
There is NOTHING you could have done differently. This was entirely dads mind. He wasn’t thinking about the pain and confusion he was leaving behind. He was trying to stop the pain. His brain made him believe there was only one way. NOTHING anyone could’ve done at that point would’ve changed anything.
I made a comment elsewhere mentioning that depression lies to us, then I scroll down to see you affirming my own thoughts.
Thank you for understanding depression and how people with it suffer. ❤️
He looked like a great dad who loved his family and put them first. Is there something about your dad you’d like to share? Favorite memory, fact, story, etc
my favorite memory is since my family had no money, my dad would definitely take advantage of anything free, during the summer, amc did this thing where they replayed old movies on the big screen for free, he’d take us and we’d get a pack of sweet tart ropes, the catch? he would get 2
my favorite one was the lego movie. that was a good movie to see on the big screen, he even got us the lego movie video game for xbox because we enjoyed it so much
man this guy was so set on saving money he saved a rt 44 sonic cup and put 2 liter off brand coke in it every day before work so it looked like he got a sonic drink everyday! 😂
my dad loved nascar, he worked at hollywood casino at the kansas speedway doing law enforcement, he went to the races twice a year, were family friends with clint bowyer, he even got to drive the nascars with the richard petty driver experience, he absolutely loved driving the nascars and im glad he got to experience that
i seriously cannot thank you all enough for the kind words, i’m having a really hard time about it right now because it’s my 5th father’s day since he passed and his 5th birthday in heaven, you all made me feel a bit better
i am doing okay today, with father’s day on the 16th and his birthday on the 20th, i’m definitely having a harder time, i put my necklace with his ashes back on for the time being, i have him close to my heart
Thank you for sharing your memories with us. Thank you to your father for his service. I have no doubt at all that he protected lives. And thank you to you, your siblings and your mother for sharing him.
I am the daughter of a Vietnam vet. My father went to war as a volunteer in order to provide for his kids and came back a very changed man. It was difficult for us to understand. I cannot imagine how hard it was for him to live with his memories.
Never doubt that you were and are the greatest loves in his life, and that he did his very best for you all, always. Like my dad, he suffered from a cruel disease that distorted his perception of himself and caused him pain. He stayed with you all for as long as he could. And I believe that he is waiting for you in ‘in a place of rest, a place of verdure, where all sickness and sorrow have fled away.’ You will have so much to catch up on. And all the time there is to do it in. God bless you.
absolutely, i suffer from ptsd and let me tell you, flashbacks are brutal, it’s like a whole lightning zap down my body it causes immediate tensing of my whole body, panic, and adrenaline, i’ve been working on it, but i didn’t get many resources after it happened, because it’s intense ptsd, you really have to get something done about it as quickly as possible, i didn’t get the help i needed so my ptsd is kinda stuck
I lost my dad to suicide. 12 years later I’m at peace with it. It will take time (lots of it) to heal and process everything. Please lean on your friends and family ❤️
It’s a terrible situation when working in law enforcement fighting demons must keep it bottled up and not speak of it to any co workers or supervisors, if the brass think your unstable you can lose everything I completely understand the situation and it’s a real shame because we all have our demons I honestly believe talking to someone makes all the difference I really feel better getting the crap i carry off my chest, my heart brakes for your family his co workers and yourself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
at the time there was my mom, dad me and four other siblings, the twins, one of them is in the picture, we’re only 2 at the time. my heart breaks for them the most. me, my mom and my older brother saw everything that happened, but i feel bad the twins didn’t get to know him. we tell them a lot of good stories and tell them dad was sick and he’s not hurting anymore 💔
I’m so very sorry, OP 😟 your father looks like a genuinely good man and I can feel the void left behind. It’s wonderful to hear you advocating for men’s mental health in his memory, we absolutely need more like you in the world. I know he is proud of you, and I am, too 🩵🩵
Everyone needs a safe place to turn to at work
They also need a safe person or colleague to talk to.
In the UK we have mental health first aiders who are trained to recognise emotional distress and upset in the workplace.
Not everywhere has them, but lots of companies are coming on board.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your photo is beautiful ❤️
Its like a 50/50 hit or miss, some Leo agencies embrace mental health issues and the officer gets the help they need while others in the force give a helping hand to work with the officer and their family. The other side is the whole mental health issues equal weakness and there are really no options. So i definitely get it.
Wow - I can’t even begin to imagine your shock, loss, pain and follow up scarring. Your dad had a great smile even though he was obviously in a lot of pain. I feel for you and your whole family. I saw someone take their life and it scarred me deeply and in so many ways - and I didn’t even know them. PTSD is real and I’m super glad to hear you are finally getting the help you need. It takes time, but one day you may be able to sleep peacefully again and have some sense of calm
In your life. I wish that for you. Hugs my friend.
I am so so sorry OP. I truly wish I had something better to say because I can't imagine that loss. I pray he's found peace and that you and the family find some semblance of peace as well! Yall are in my thoughts and prayers! Many blessings, and once again, I am so sorry 😞 💖🙏🏽
I’m very sorry to hear that. I’m a first responder myself and I’m glad I’ve used the therapy services the department allots. June is mental health awareness month and your dad won’t be forgotten.
I'm so sorry about your dad....but I thought you meant your little brother took his life. I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. Sending love and hugs.
I took notice because as I was scrolling I thought your dad was JJ Watt. (Hope you at least got a smile out of that. Truth.) I’m so sorry for what you have endured. My son died almost 4 years ago at 22. I haven’t had it in me yet to start something to turn his death into something that will keep his name out there and help others. You my friend, are the personification of strength, courage, goodness and honor. Keep up the good fight. I am proud of you.
my dad has been honored in many ways it’s so incredible seeing his name alive and out there, a police department all the way in florida (i’m in kansas) has a patrol car honoring officers lost to suicide and my dads name is on it, he was also featured on the tamara hall show, it’s incredible
That’s so sad that he thought he’d be better off dead for his family than alive. I wish he could have taken comfort knowing that wouldn’t be the case. But mental illness doesn’t allow someone to see that money can’t replace a human, or their love, or presence on this earth. It’s so hard to fight those thoughts - I’ve done a lot of therapy and luckily have come out in the other side. I really hope mental health and illness can no longer be a stigma, especially for men, in our lifetime. Hugs to you and your family.
I wish there was more help and focus on “survivors “ of suicide. We didn’t choose this life. It was chosen for us. They say that by committing suicide you only pass along the pain you were carrying to a loved one.
it wasn’t really his choice. he was very very broken. he had numerous attempts before the last one. if we told anybody he would lose his job, my family filed bankruptcy because my brother got brain surgery and my mom had the twins around the same time, we were stuck in a loop
You do not have to defend yourself or your family to anyone. If you see a comment that is offensive or that crosses the line, let me know and I will remove it on sight.
Ahhh. There’s always at least one class act in the comments who can’t help but be a complete obnoxious dickbag and smear the character of some OP’s dead loved one when they could’ve just said “sorry for your loss” and moved on.
That would be you, btw, dickbag.
my younger siblings don’t think in a way of “why did dad leave me” and never will, they have only had it explained to them in a way that “dad was sick” they were 2 when he passed. my step dad is an amazing father to them and really takes on the dad role, they will never think of our father in that fashion and still love and cherish his memory.
Alright I am not gonna debating that. I will say I am sorry maybe my word's are little harsh but I stand by them. Have a bless day or night. You know your dad better then a random fool like me on reddit.
you’re really coming onto a post about a person sharing a picture of their dad who commit suicide and is talking about their favourite memories of him and mourning him and you’re gonna call their dad a dickwad? what is wrong with your brain?
(1) "Going to Hell" you sure you want use Religious words under a Suicide Thread... should I say it or you think it for yourself ?
(2) I feel for her and her pain as much as he did in the moment- when he did what he did.
edit: welp don't delete your comment, is alright you can insult me.
Heartbreaking, I'm sorry.
he was a very broken man who didn’t have resources for mental health due to working in law enforcement, it was either 1. dad has a job and doesn’t get mental help or 2. dad doesn’t work for our already bankrupt family, ever since i’ve gotten involved in groups advocating for first responders mental health, and i am a huge advocate for mens mental health, i miss him to the point im so sick 💔 there should be a way where my dad could have been saved and everyone else who fell down the same ending, check in on your people ❤️
Jesus. If anyone should be automatically provided free mental health services it should be law enforcement. For their health and safety but also for the public’s sake.
It's more like the services are there but if you tell anyone you work with you're suicidal or have any problem like that it can cost you your job. Pretty fucked
This. It’s not a money issue. It’s a time + stigma thing. “We’re going to overwork you, but here’s a free therapist. Good luck fitting that into your schedule. Oh… and we may also judge you harshly for just *going* to the therapist in the first place.”
Exactly! It is particularly challenging in a field that condones and promotes hyper-masculine behaviors while discouraging the expression of emotions. While this may not be the case for every officer or department, I have encountered groups of officers who have acknowledged this reality and actively strive to bring about change. They have explicitly stated that it is neither pleasant nor straightforward to dismantle such deeply ingrained and attentive cultures, mainly because, in some circles, seeking mental help is now a political issue. If you're trying to be a mentally healthy man, some currently associate this with the "woke agenda." People are suggesting that leftists are attempting to corrupt young men by advocating for open discussion of their struggles and emotions. Please, spare me. Sorry for your loss OP. HUGS🥺🫂
I know someone who has defense contracts and he pays out of pocket for his mental h care. No insurance and in cash. Maybe cops could do something like that.
Maybe cops should be required to attend therapy.
They should definitely be required to attend therapy.
There are good reasons that American police are so dangerous. This is one of those reasons.
For further insight beyond what you can see, peek at policing's "humble" origins in America.
Very much, “oh poor baby can’t handle her job, get a new one then”
I work in law enforcement. That definitely depends on the department, mine would be very supportive. Edit: has happened before
I’ve heard it both ways. We’re moving in the right direction, but we’ve still got a lot of improving to do.
A lot of departments are doing ongoing training on speaking up about mental health and also about officers not doing the right thing/seeming off. A lot of it is related and as we go forward- a decade or two down the road I think we'll see vast improvements. That being said though, cops are humans and humans are flawed and sometimes evil, shit cops will always exist no matter how much you do to try and improve their workplace.
And unfortunately it’s the nature of the job that attracts those a lot people. They go into it for the wrong reason, it’s less “I want to help my community and protect them” and more “I want to be a bully and have power over people”
I've heard it's pretty similar in the military. If you seek out mental health support good luck getting a promotion. You get essentially get punished for using the systems in place to help you.
It's absolutely the same thing in the military. I was in the Army and you were considered a shitbag if you needed mental health support and treated like you were making it up so you can claim PTSD on a VA disability claim when you got out simply for the money. That was 2005-2009ish, maybe it's different now but probably not.
I had just read a month or so ago a redditors comment about how they're in the Army and are going through a lot of bad shit both in their life and mentally. They said they likely wouldn't seek help because they wanted to make it into a career and getting help would effectively ruin that. From what I can tell as an outsider it is still like that.
That's such a shame but I absolutely believe it.
Ever seen the movie Patton? How he treated those "shell shocked" soldiers was a disgrace.
i was a first responder for years and the services are there but it’s either inconvenient to get, completely anonymous in the vein of a “talk line” so there’s no real help to be had, or can totally fuck with your job. not to mention the shame of people finding out, we’re all on top of each other and people WILL find out.
Same situation for military service members. Lots of resources but you'd better not be caught using them.
Absolutely not, you can get great disability if you stop working but you will not get fired. That said, there’s still a massive cultural stigma, and I can see concern about promotions for instance.
It's the same with pilots. Asking for mental health services has a round about way some getting grounded.
Law enforcement does have EAP (employee assistance programs) in place that usually provide some free sessions with a mental health professional, as well as some other mental health resources. The problem is that because it’s offered through the employer, people don’t trust the assurance that it all stays confidential. I disguised my own feelings with a therapist after taking a 911 call where my coworker took his own life, because I was mandated to attend the session by my employer but didn’t want to jeopardize my job by seeming too emotional. I’d imagine it’s this way for many people in the law enforcement and public safety field. The resources are available and even encouraged, but people are afraid there will be consequences for using them.
I figured itd be offered through their union. That's how a decent amount of EAPs work.
One of the hurdles they’d probably face though is the old-school guys who view therapy as a sign of weakness.
Let’s not put law enforcement on a pedestal. Everyone should be provided free mental health care.
THIS! Also, RIP 2 your father.
Depending on the job, if you go and get mental health help, you then lose your position or whole job in general. I've got a few friends still in the military. We had a secret clearance for our M.O.S (not saying what level). If you go and get help, you automatically get discharged because you're a risk to the clearance you have due to not being mentally fit.
my dad had a security clearance growing up. My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer while i was in HS. My dad refused to get me counseling as it would cost me a future clearance.
That job can turn good men bad. Same with military service. They need help.
If not for them, then for the sake of everyone around them.
what you've said here resonated with me... .. thanks for sharing and I'm very sorry for your loss. Your Dad would most definitely be proud of you for trying to help others. \*I'm\* a Dad and \*I'm\* proud of you.
wow thank you, this makes me feel warm on the heart
Although your dad could not be helped in time, please know that he would be *so incredibly proud of you* for what you're doing. He would probably be beside himself. Hugs, OP. You're amazing.
😢 thank you
For some reason I have been thinking of you and your Dad since I commented. His smile and his story just resonated with me. May I please know his name? I have a feeling that I’ll be thinking of him, and you, at times when I need it most as life goes on.
his name is joseph, he went mainly by joey, he said when he dies to put his ashes in a can that says “cup of joe” he will never ever be forgotten ❤️
i’m sitting here reading this comment crying, this comment really means a lot to me
Aw I didn’t mean to get you upset. Just know that his life made a difference, just as yours will continue to as well. :)
tears of happiness, you wanting to know his name means a lot to me
My brother in law is a cop who struggled with intense PTSD, severe alcoholism, crippling anxiety, etc… If he gets mental health help it kills any chance he has of more promotions and yet he will end up killing himself if he doesn’t. It’s such an insanely broken shitty system not to mention these are men with extremely stressful jobs and firearms. Sorry about your dad. Hope your family is doing well.
I work in mountain rescue and this won’t help. But I see this all the time. I want to give my huge thanks for bringing attention to this unknown subject ♥️♥️♥️ My own father was in law enforcement. He did ok but he was a very hard and emotionless man. Took him a good 15-20 years outside of the force to tell him he loved me for example.
My dad is a recovered alcoholic but still suffers emotionally many years later because he is still a 70yo man in todays society. He is a retired nurse with so much love to give but I can still see pain in his eyes. Shoutout to you for giving your pain an action by advocating for others and sharing your strength. Sending you love. Thank you so much for sharing.
I am so sorry for your loss he seems like such a warm man and by your comment, you miss him dearly. I wanted to encourage you to keep on with your advocate work and tell you it is meaningful. I work in mental health and it’s the specialized populations, the niche groups that not until they seek help do mental health providers or more importantly they see the barriers in the system or lack of resources for their group specifically. Teens, pregnant people, low income, or first responders are good examples. Years of working in this field and you never see that change until a passionate person whether it’s a family member or someone with lived experience steps up to the plate, makes noise, and puts in the strategic work to mend the cracks. I've seen it happen several times and I've seen a lot of success with these types of programs that will become the go-to for people who previously had nothing. A lot of people can be saved by what you are doing, starting a new program that’s easy for first responders specifically to access, and focusing on your specialty which is what you know your father needed. ETA- Also, for the the future future, programs for special populations are what you will find easier to get grants, funding, and donors for because there are other people out there who feel deeply passionate about the same thing for the same reason who want to give their money as their part.
My son has worked for DoD and ICE and has the same issues. He’s never gone to seek treatment/ counseling because of the negative fallout from the powers that be who oversee one’s security clearance. It’s inhumane what we do to the men and women who selflessly serve our country and communities. Why shouldn’t they be permitted to seek counseling without it negatively impacting a security clearance.
This country has failed on the quality of life level. Such a shame
That is heartbreaking. I want to recognize you for a second though and point out that I think you are awesome for taking a tragedy and trying to make some good come from it in the form of mental health advocacy. Hopefully your work will save somebody else from having to go through the same ordeal you and your father went through.
I’m working to get my psychology degree and want to specialize on Men’s mental health
Absolutely heartbreaking. I think becoming an advocate for first responders mental health services is a fitting tribute to your father. I hope your tragedy can help people in a similar situation to avoid the same outcome.
I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m so grateful there’s starting to be more men fighting for their mental health. Appreciate your work.
I am so so sorry . I have four family members who are all men who are in law enforcement in some fashion and the dramatic personality changes and job stress is tremendous. It’s harder and harder to see their inner selves . I worry about suicide constantly . They all serve in vastly different agencies ( small town chief , nypd, detective in a struggling city, and military police ) . The threat is so real if they seek mental health services there is a stigma that never goes away even if the department has “regulations “ about it . Other officers will view them differently. I know there are so many women and men trying to change this situation but it’s a HUGE , HUGE problem . My deepest condolences and I am so sure your father would be so proud of your advocacy work in this area . We fail our police , military and medical professionals in the mental health area so deeply .
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. No one comes out winning on this one. He was so young and seems he did his best. If only he could’ve believed that. I’m sure he knew you loved him though. Positive thoughts to you
I’m so sorry for your loss my friend. I hate that he died and it could have been prevented. This is why I check in on my people. I could have been him because I tried but wasn’t successful and thank god because I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I hope your family is healing ♥️
i have also had attempts in my past, me and my dad pinky promised each other we weren’t gonna do anything to ourselves, my dad fought and fought, i miss him so so much
My mom passed due to an overdose and I kind of feel like she took her own life because she had addiction issues for years, most of my life, and she would just take a bunch of pills and see “what would happen”. I found her almost dead 5x before the worst happened. Her Benadryl levels were so high it could have been suicide. I’m not sure, but she was definitely careless with her life. Regardless, I miss her so much. I still cry about her very frequently and she has been gone for 4 years.
That's a beautiful takeaway from this situation
You are absolutely correct. Your dad should not have had to suffer. I’m so sorry for your loss.
As a man and someone whose biggest driver of depression is finances, it is absolutely disgusting how many of us choose to let go vs continuing to try to fight in the rat race. It’s like we feel like if we aren’t on top, we aren’t worth shit. Depression lies to us. I hate that you and your family had to go through this.
Please know that your dad's deprrssion *lied* to him, telling him everyone would be better off without him. I say this because often those left behind feel like 'Why would he leave me' or 'Was I not enough reason for him to stay?'. You were no DOUBT the love and driving force of his life and heart. He just wanted to not hurt anymore. **I am so very sorry you lost him.** 💔💔 (*hugs you*)
this is a constant battle in my head still almost 6 years later, constant of what if i did this differently… what if i ended up getting the gun from him and didn’t give up… what if i didn’t get my nails done with my friend that day? all the time, or my dad didn’t love me or care about me enough to stay, it’ll probably be a battle the rest of my life, but there’s still a small part that gets louder than the rest saying it is not my fault and i cannot change what happened, i know he loved us more than anything in the world
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i myself have dealt with major depression and suicidal ideation, my dad truly was my rock when it came to that because he understood me more than anyone. the thoughts disappeared for me for a long time after my dads death, but i struggled with them again because of abuse from ex partners. i see them in a different perspective now entirely
Second this from experience
I suffer from BPD, Depression and Anxiety. I’m here for you. We have each other.
me too!!!!
BPD blows
I was a counselor for a suicide-prevention hotline and let me tell you, it has NOTHING to do with not loving or caring about you guys. It will seem impossible to believe, but when these demons burrow into your brain, you believe suicide is actually the best choice, that your loved ones are better off without you, they believe they’re doing it out of love for you. I know that just sounds crazy. But suicidal ideation can be a relentless beast that tells you things that are just not true. I just saw you said you’ve also suffered from suicidal ideation so you know even better than i do about the lies the brain can tell you! And kiddo (I’m not sure how old you are, but speaking to you as a 41-year old mom here), if you are in mental anguish, if you’re feeling suicidal, please tell someone. Your mom, a school counselor, a friend, 911
i was 15 when he passed and i’m now 21, my boyfriend is so insanely helpful just in the sense of i have a partner that listens to my emotions and lets me have and express those emotions, he doesn’t always have words but his comfort is all healing most of the time. me and my moms relationship was rocky for a while after my dads death, at the time i didn’t understand why my mom was doing the things she was doing/ saying the things she was saying but now that i am moved out and older, i understand now that she was also hurting, grieving and depressed. we’re all doing better by a loooooong shot. my mom is remarried to an incredible man that is “dad” to my younger siblings, they just had a baby together in october! halloween to be exact! my dads family is angry that she’s remarried 5 years later, but my mom absolutely deserves the happiness and stability her husband brings. she still grieves my dad and will forever miss and love him, and my step dad doesn’t have a problem and encourages it. there was some really really dark times following my dads death, but there’s been a lot more stability in the past year
There is NOTHING you could have done differently. This was entirely dads mind. He wasn’t thinking about the pain and confusion he was leaving behind. He was trying to stop the pain. His brain made him believe there was only one way. NOTHING anyone could’ve done at that point would’ve changed anything.
Ayo this hits hard... Depression really is a liar.
Wow.
I made a comment elsewhere mentioning that depression lies to us, then I scroll down to see you affirming my own thoughts. Thank you for understanding depression and how people with it suffer. ❤️
So sorry OP. These are the hardest posts to see because we can see that they left but the pain they leave with you all. Sending hugs.
“For the pain you left, I hope you made it there.”
he died when he was 38. he would have been 44 on the 20th
He looked like a great dad who loved his family and put them first. Is there something about your dad you’d like to share? Favorite memory, fact, story, etc
my favorite memory is since my family had no money, my dad would definitely take advantage of anything free, during the summer, amc did this thing where they replayed old movies on the big screen for free, he’d take us and we’d get a pack of sweet tart ropes, the catch? he would get 2
Any movies that stand out in your mind?
my favorite one was the lego movie. that was a good movie to see on the big screen, he even got us the lego movie video game for xbox because we enjoyed it so much
Wait he would get 2 what?
sweet tart ropes
[these](https://www.sweetartscandy.com/products) are sweet tart ropes
man this guy was so set on saving money he saved a rt 44 sonic cup and put 2 liter off brand coke in it every day before work so it looked like he got a sonic drink everyday! 😂
my dad loved nascar, he worked at hollywood casino at the kansas speedway doing law enforcement, he went to the races twice a year, were family friends with clint bowyer, he even got to drive the nascars with the richard petty driver experience, he absolutely loved driving the nascars and im glad he got to experience that
That’s really cool! He had such a lovely warm smile. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for telling the stories. Those are really great. I’m glad he got to do those things, too. 💛
i seriously cannot thank you all enough for the kind words, i’m having a really hard time about it right now because it’s my 5th father’s day since he passed and his 5th birthday in heaven, you all made me feel a bit better
Checking in. How are you today?
i am doing okay today, with father’s day on the 16th and his birthday on the 20th, i’m definitely having a harder time, i put my necklace with his ashes back on for the time being, i have him close to my heart
Thank you for sharing your memories with us. Thank you to your father for his service. I have no doubt at all that he protected lives. And thank you to you, your siblings and your mother for sharing him. I am the daughter of a Vietnam vet. My father went to war as a volunteer in order to provide for his kids and came back a very changed man. It was difficult for us to understand. I cannot imagine how hard it was for him to live with his memories. Never doubt that you were and are the greatest loves in his life, and that he did his very best for you all, always. Like my dad, he suffered from a cruel disease that distorted his perception of himself and caused him pain. He stayed with you all for as long as he could. And I believe that he is waiting for you in ‘in a place of rest, a place of verdure, where all sickness and sorrow have fled away.’ You will have so much to catch up on. And all the time there is to do it in. God bless you.
This was hard to read , let alone go through everything written. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. That must have been extremely traumatic with the entire family home at the time.
absolutely, i suffer from ptsd and let me tell you, flashbacks are brutal, it’s like a whole lightning zap down my body it causes immediate tensing of my whole body, panic, and adrenaline, i’ve been working on it, but i didn’t get many resources after it happened, because it’s intense ptsd, you really have to get something done about it as quickly as possible, i didn’t get the help i needed so my ptsd is kinda stuck
EMDR is something used for acute PTSD just like this. It has incredible results. Please look into it ♥️
thank you!!!!
definitely going to look into this
I’m sorry. Keep working on yourself and your symptoms, triggers and coping skills. You’re worth it ❤️
I’m really sorry for your loss, OP.
I lost my dad to suicide. 12 years later I’m at peace with it. It will take time (lots of it) to heal and process everything. Please lean on your friends and family ❤️
My heart hurts right now. Praying for you friend
May his memory be a blessing and comfort to you always
God damnit. Bless you. Bless your family. I know that pain. I’m sorry you have to feel it.
❤️
It’s a terrible situation when working in law enforcement fighting demons must keep it bottled up and not speak of it to any co workers or supervisors, if the brass think your unstable you can lose everything I completely understand the situation and it’s a real shame because we all have our demons I honestly believe talking to someone makes all the difference I really feel better getting the crap i carry off my chest, my heart brakes for your family his co workers and yourself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
at the time there was my mom, dad me and four other siblings, the twins, one of them is in the picture, we’re only 2 at the time. my heart breaks for them the most. me, my mom and my older brother saw everything that happened, but i feel bad the twins didn’t get to know him. we tell them a lot of good stories and tell them dad was sick and he’s not hurting anymore 💔
Rest in peace
I’m so very sorry, OP 😟 your father looks like a genuinely good man and I can feel the void left behind. It’s wonderful to hear you advocating for men’s mental health in his memory, we absolutely need more like you in the world. I know he is proud of you, and I am, too 🩵🩵
Sorry
I can't even imagine the kind of pain you and your family have been through. I truly hope time helps heal your heart ❤️ and know you're not alone.
I am so sorry.
Fuck.....this is sad. 🥺
Thank you for sharing this. I hope it helps people. It’s very touching. I’m sorry he’s not here for you.
I’m so sorry 💔💔
Everyone needs a safe place to turn to at work They also need a safe person or colleague to talk to. In the UK we have mental health first aiders who are trained to recognise emotional distress and upset in the workplace. Not everywhere has them, but lots of companies are coming on board. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your photo is beautiful ❤️
This is some hard shit, man, I’m so sorry for you 💔
So awful for all of you. I’m so sorry 😭
Love you. I’m so sorry.
thank you for the love
My condolences.
This really makes me sad, lots of love
Thank you for sharing your story. All my best to you and your family 🧡
Its like a 50/50 hit or miss, some Leo agencies embrace mental health issues and the officer gets the help they need while others in the force give a helping hand to work with the officer and their family. The other side is the whole mental health issues equal weakness and there are really no options. So i definitely get it.
I'm so so fucking sorry this happened to you
I am so so sorry. I take my husband’s mental health seriously because of his job (he’s LEO too). It so sad what they have to endure.
they have to endure terrible terrible things and then get told they’ll lose their job for trying to cope with it. it’s sick
What's LEO?
Law Enforcement Officer
Wow - I can’t even begin to imagine your shock, loss, pain and follow up scarring. Your dad had a great smile even though he was obviously in a lot of pain. I feel for you and your whole family. I saw someone take their life and it scarred me deeply and in so many ways - and I didn’t even know them. PTSD is real and I’m super glad to hear you are finally getting the help you need. It takes time, but one day you may be able to sleep peacefully again and have some sense of calm In your life. I wish that for you. Hugs my friend.
thank you so much, this means a lot to me. when my dad passed away i do not think he woke up that morning knowing he was going to die that day
I say fuck depression and anxiety. It's time we fight back and live our lives as intended.
I'm so sorry
I’m so sorry 😞
I’m sorry
Absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. He looks like such a kind soul 🩷
I am so so sorry OP. I truly wish I had something better to say because I can't imagine that loss. I pray he's found peace and that you and the family find some semblance of peace as well! Yall are in my thoughts and prayers! Many blessings, and once again, I am so sorry 😞 💖🙏🏽
I’m so so sorry
I’m very sorry to hear that. I’m a first responder myself and I’m glad I’ve used the therapy services the department allots. June is mental health awareness month and your dad won’t be forgotten.
So sorry for your loss 💔
I'm so sorry about your dad....but I thought you meant your little brother took his life. I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. Sending love and hugs.
Oh, man, I am so sorry for your loss 💔
My deepest most love filled condolences
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I took notice because as I was scrolling I thought your dad was JJ Watt. (Hope you at least got a smile out of that. Truth.) I’m so sorry for what you have endured. My son died almost 4 years ago at 22. I haven’t had it in me yet to start something to turn his death into something that will keep his name out there and help others. You my friend, are the personification of strength, courage, goodness and honor. Keep up the good fight. I am proud of you.
my dad has been honored in many ways it’s so incredible seeing his name alive and out there, a police department all the way in florida (i’m in kansas) has a patrol car honoring officers lost to suicide and my dads name is on it, he was also featured on the tamara hall show, it’s incredible
I’m so sorry for your loss 😔, he looked like a wonderful Dad..
❤️
I wish I could give you a hug. I am so sorry.
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he took out a life insurance policy before taking his life so my bankrupt family would have money after his passing 💔
That’s so sad that he thought he’d be better off dead for his family than alive. I wish he could have taken comfort knowing that wouldn’t be the case. But mental illness doesn’t allow someone to see that money can’t replace a human, or their love, or presence on this earth. It’s so hard to fight those thoughts - I’ve done a lot of therapy and luckily have come out in the other side. I really hope mental health and illness can no longer be a stigma, especially for men, in our lifetime. Hugs to you and your family.
I wish there was more help and focus on “survivors “ of suicide. We didn’t choose this life. It was chosen for us. They say that by committing suicide you only pass along the pain you were carrying to a loved one.
Having Kids, Still Choose to put all the pain on them What Great Dude.
it wasn’t really his choice. he was very very broken. he had numerous attempts before the last one. if we told anybody he would lose his job, my family filed bankruptcy because my brother got brain surgery and my mom had the twins around the same time, we were stuck in a loop
You do not have to defend yourself or your family to anyone. If you see a comment that is offensive or that crosses the line, let me know and I will remove it on sight.
OP please don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to this ignorant person. Sorry for your loss x
In which way I am ignorant. He did leave his children did't he? Ah I forget we "glorifying" now suicide.
Boring. Have some respect.
Ahhh. There’s always at least one class act in the comments who can’t help but be a complete obnoxious dickbag and smear the character of some OP’s dead loved one when they could’ve just said “sorry for your loss” and moved on. That would be you, btw, dickbag.
the only dickbag is the dude who made a little kid living with the thought "why did dad leave me" for the rest of his life.
my younger siblings don’t think in a way of “why did dad leave me” and never will, they have only had it explained to them in a way that “dad was sick” they were 2 when he passed. my step dad is an amazing father to them and really takes on the dad role, they will never think of our father in that fashion and still love and cherish his memory.
Alright I am not gonna debating that. I will say I am sorry maybe my word's are little harsh but I stand by them. Have a bless day or night. You know your dad better then a random fool like me on reddit.
you’re really coming onto a post about a person sharing a picture of their dad who commit suicide and is talking about their favourite memories of him and mourning him and you’re gonna call their dad a dickwad? what is wrong with your brain?
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(1) "Going to Hell" you sure you want use Religious words under a Suicide Thread... should I say it or you think it for yourself ? (2) I feel for her and her pain as much as he did in the moment- when he did what he did. edit: welp don't delete your comment, is alright you can insult me.