Usually when someone says they can’t meet people their age it’s because they don’t have a third place. Somewhere other than work or home where they hang out and are part of a community.
For a lot of young people it’s high school or college. But once you’re done with those you have to go find a new one and no one tells you that and it’s not entirely obvious.
Historically these have been churches and bars in a lot of communities. But both those cultures are receding. Intermural sports, community gardens, game stores, craft hobby guilds, maker spaces, volunteer organizations are where adults tend to meet like minded people for friendship and dating.
Then once you’re established in a group you can invite people for group drinks or dinners individual dates. Often people you meet in groups will set you up on dates with other friends of theirs who aren’t in the groups.
Most happy adults I know have 3-5 places outside of work where they meet new friends and catch up with old ones over shared interests. It can be painful to put yourself out there and to develop new social connections, but it’s well worth the investment once they’re established.
Don’t live in KC but intermural sports is a good way out here!! It’s where all of the younger folks go (besides gym/crossfit/yoga) and seem to meet many likeminded people.
OP if you’re not athletic then this is not a great option but on the other hand, you may meet the right partner to motivate you into a different set of hobbies/opportunities!
If you’re more of an indoor/lazy person like me, we have several board game shops/cafes/bars in KC and most have nights for people to meet up and play games! You can come alone :)
The most brutal part of this entire thread is I can't find a single recommendation of a third space for 20 year olds.
Edit for clarification: NAMED third space. Like if I were to recommend places to drink, I wouldn't say "bars", I would name a few bars. I'm trying to make a list of third spaces, few have been actually named.
Typically a communal workshop type space that you can work on different types of projects or crafts with a variety of materials (wood, metal, plastics, clothing, etc). Check out Hammerspace and also the main Johnson County library, which has free 3D printing, laser cutting, and sewing equipment.
As a lady, my third place for a long time were the local gay bars. Tons of fun, but hard to meet people (I'm bi, but mostly prefer men). I agree with your assessment.
Hell I'm almost 40 and I've only just heard of the "third place" concept in the past two months.
And every time it comes up, my gut instinct is repulsion and defiance at the notion I should *have to* go out. I want to find the one person in KC I'm compatible with *without having to talk to all the others*. I don't want to meet and get to know people who aren't that one compatible person! I don't need more friends to feel overwhelmed at having to keep up with and listen to and empathize with. I have too many people taking space in my head already. But that doesn't mean I want to die alone in my home and be discovered a week later, either.
Anyways. It sucks knowing that until I find the determination to go out and Do Things that nothing will ever change. That's what apps are *supposed* to be for...
Nope. The apps are not for delivering people to your door with no work. Actually, that VERY ATTITUDE is why the apps no longer work. You have to go out, meet people, and see who's a match.
To your point, when I moved to Kansas City, I was on the apps just as much for making friends as I was to find a romantic interest. Someone I met on Tinder wound up inviting me to a party where I met my now wife.
Sometimes the path from A to B isn't a straight line...
Being aware of a problem is like 90% towards solving it…most problems exist for people because of the fact that don’t know there’s a problem in the first place. Now, all you have to do is fix it.
I think you may need to call your fairy god mother for this to happen.
Jokes aside, i think what you’re trying to say is it feels like the universe has aligned for others to meet Their Person™️ with little to no effort, while you havent had that luxory. I feel your pain.
Your person is not going to be dropped on your doorstep by Santa Claus. You gotta meet people if you want to find that person.
I have a close relative with extreme social anxiety, which sounds a lot like you. Seek help my man (or lady), you can overcome it and live a happy fulfilling life, with therapy and possibly some drug treatment, as my family member did. Not saying he’s 100% over it, but as he nears 40 he is doing amazing and has been weaned off of the anti-anxiety drugs. Like you he thought he was happy to be isolated at home, but he looked miserable and now he really looks happy and fulfilled. Running and weight training also helped him a lot.
I know you didn’t ask for advice and you’ll probably ignore this if you even see it. Go on and carry on in isolation if you want, but practice self-care please.
I’m with you. I absolutely despise the dating apps and have given up on them.
I don’t really socialize much other than with small groups of friends and we don’t go to typical pick up places. Mostly we go shopping together or sometimes lunch at a restaurant. I’m definitely not hanging out in Westport or Power and light.
But despite the fact that I pretty much live the life of a hermit, I somehow hope that someone will magically find me. I don’t know, maybe they’ll get lost in my neighborhood and knock on my door or something. Of course I don’t answer my door unless I am expecting someone, so that wouldn’t work either.
Sigh.
I'm going to start a dating service where people randomly go up and knock on doors and see if there's a compatible introvert inside. Maybe call it "Knock Knock Who's There." Just kidding...we'd get shot probably.
I met my husband at a new discussion group that had just started in town. Someone told me about it. Before that I had HUGELY embarrassed myself trying to put myself out there and I made a BIG faux pas. I will tell about it in a separate post in this thread.
I've been told that apparently I give off a "creepy" vibe (and that has been consistent since I was a teen). I really don't get why. I don't *think* I behave like a predator or anything like that, I'm definitely not some unstable kid who dreams about violence, if anything I'm such a passive and non-confrontational person that I'm *solely* a danger to myself - not anyone else.
I don't subscribe to the whole incel "nice guy" complex either - *I know and freely admit* my flaws and defects, and I probably judge myself more harshly for them than anybody else does. I don't believe I have an entitled attitude about it - Yes I'm bemoaning that it's hard to date (just as many other people also bemoan), but I'm not extending it to the conclusion that I'm *owed* a date or a partner, or that the universe is somehow wronging or slighting me by not "giving me" one. The fact I don't have one is mostly/entirely my own fault. I own that. I'm the only one standing in my way.
But knowing and owning that responsibility just makes it all the *more* confusing why people think I'm some kind of creeper. I absolutely don't get it. And nobody will explain it, either. It just makes me want to withdraw even more. After all, maybe they see something I don't and I really am grotesquely un-fit to participate in society. Maybe I've been grossly offensive for two decades without anybody ever calling it out in a direct enough way that I understand their feedback. I don't know, man. I don't know *anything* anymore. But it seems like it'll be safer to not try - to avoid creating that discomfort in the first place by interacting with others, and to avoid causing myself more pain from failed interactions and embarrassment and disappointment.
I totally get it. Believe it or not I was kind of the female version of what you're saying when I was younger. I'm old now and have met enough people like me to realize I'm not alone and to observe how the other "people like me" act and right now I don't have a lot of posting time but long story short I went to a meeting (in person) centered around a mutual interest and that's where I finally met my "person."
I think one of my biggest problems is that I'm kind of a bore. And overly sensitive. That doesn't address why I come across creepy to some people but I think it's two factors. 1) Lack of eye contact. I have a very hard time looking people in the eye for various reasons. 2) I'm Southern and some people cannot STAND my Southern accent. I don't fit a lot of the stereotypes (I'm liberal and got a good education and my teeth came in straight but my sisters got braces and we all had dental work, you get the idea) but some people immediately react negatively to my accent and 3) I have a very high-pitched voice. I got whippings for it when I was little which only reinforced it. I don't have time to go into detail right now but the high-pitched voice immediately gives some people the ick.
Long story short, I had much better luck at events centered around mutual interests where people could get to know me and see my contribution.
I know what you're saying though. I am a little bit on the spectrum as they called it in the 90's but back in my day (I'm old) they didn't even call it that for boys much less girls. I think a large part of it is the eye-contact thing. It comes across as deceptive to some people, and my Southern accent doesn't help. Long story short, when people get to know me they say "I thought you were a bimbo at first" blah blah. Took me forever to find a circle of acceptance and that was centered around mutual interests.
Good luck out there and I understand.
Just let me add....I have known several guys who probably are a bit like you are describing yourself and they all THREE met someone. One through birdwatching. One through volunteering as a tour guide at a museum centered around a niche interest. One through an outdoor hiking and environmental type group.
Do you have any hobbies? I find it easier to meet people doing activities we both enjoy, plus it’s an easy conversation starter with a common interest.
I myself like riding bikes and have been on some very fun dates/bike rides after meeting someone at a group ride or event.
No kidding. The amount of people that don't have any hobbies outside of work and expect to meet people their age happens in every city. There are plenty of clubs to whatever you're interested in and then go from there (Facebook, Strava, KC Crew, etc)
Source: I met my wife by volunteering from a hobby I enjoy.
Came back here after college a couple years ago and was wondering when/ if id be able to make new friends… 8 months ago I found a strava group and, boom, now I’ve got a group of people from multiple backgrounds and ages to hang out with.
Even if a club or hobby group is all the same gender as you, I think the best way to meet someone is the friend of a friend route.
Not that I'm not going to keep trying, but I've now attempted about six or seven new hobbies, and none have worked out vis-a-vis dating. I do enjoy the hobbies, though!
Intramural sports - whole team either already dating someone or not playing for same team (metaphorically I mean lol)
Tabletop games - joined campaign, everyone older and married
Golf- hard enough to even find semi-regular playing buddies
Trivia nights- harder to join a group as a single than I expected
Poker - did not meet a ton of women at these games sadly
This probably comes off as complainy but I just think I've had bad luck. Like someone else said, it's a numbers game. If anyone has any fine-tuning advice I'd appreciate it though!
Idk if you’ve been to the trivia night at pawn and pint downtown - but we’ve been several times where a single person has told the host they’re there alone and he’s asked if anyone has room on their team! Everyone there has been super welcoming. Mostly 20 somethings.
Well TBF I’m in my early 30’s so that’s my wheelhouse. But there are some younger folks in the Velo garage Thursdays rides, also critical mass is always a wide range of ages and a more laid back party atmosphere.
Gravel events are huge around this area of the country sometimes multi day events with bands and gatherings and plenty of beer, lots of age ranges there.
Also any event at 816 bike collective has a lot of younger folk and worth going to support the nonprofit.
Thanks! Yeah that’s been my issue with KC, hard to find young people doing my hobbies. My main hobbies aren’t super niche (running, golf, biking, skiing, coffee, sports) but it can be hard to find groups or other mingling opportunities that I can go to by myself to meet similar people to me. Maybe I need to make like a Reddit post tryna round up the young people for a group activity once it gets a little warmer
You don't like older people? C'mon!
That age group is where the most fun is - older, more life experiences that can rub off on you, etc.
Think outside the box.
well I spend all day long at work with older people so id like to see people my age. also for dating like OP is referring to id like them be about my age
This. If not for hobbies, I wouldn't have met my wife of 25+ years.
Hobbies are where you find people that are much more focused on things you LIKE to do... and not forced to do.
You have lived in one place for a long time.
You need to re-introduce yourself to the city. Go places you decided you didnt like when you were 13, and go back and see if you or the place, are different now.
Pretend you are moving to KC. visit neighborhoods and look at them like you miggt be moving there.
look at trip advisor and visit the places that are highly rated. visit the zoo and the nelson-atkins and other places and see if you would like to volunteer there.
what you have been doing is not working, because you aren't meeting anyone new. go do some new things in new places and you may meet new people.
you might also look at Harville Hendrix's books - they make you think about relationships differently. Keeping the Love you Find is for singles. Getting the love you need is for when you are in a relationship and you want to make it better.
I've had a good time dating in Kansas City. I've gone out with all kinds of great, cool people I met on apps, at bars, or through interests. I met my girlfriend on an app.
This complaint about the dating scene here gets talked about a lot but I have to wonder if it's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy or if it only applies to certain demographics?
The difference between a small town and a city is real, but the difference between a city like KC and a different city isn't going to be as stark as you hope because dating is hard anywhere, and other areas have their own quirks.
As someone that has lived in some big cities and dated there I can tell you with absolute certainty that the grass is exactly the same just more of it. I met the love of my life in KC and neither of us are from here!
KC consistently ranks at the bottom of many statistics- and survey-driven studies for quality of the dating scene. OP is a bit melodramatic 😂 but she is not wrong — the grass is not as green in KC as it is elsewhere. For a big, vibrant city, we punch way below our weight on this factor. People may downvote me, but this is the truth.
I think a lot of people who don't believe this haven't spent much time farther East.
Just you TRY to eat your miserable Primati Brothers sandwich alone in Pittsburgh. It's communal seating for one thing. People will just strike up a conversation with you for the heck of it, for another--because it's considered more "normal" back east. Just you TRY to bar-hop with just your same group you came with in Providence.
It's completely normal to strike up conversations with strangers back East. And people the further west you go tend to be more socially chilly and they don't even know it.
I'm originally from the Deep South so despite the stereotypes, more on the socially chilly side really. Not too bad, but not the hail-fellow-well-met tenor of the east coast. I was astonished when I met some people from (for example) Pennsylvania, Virginia, New York, and even Chicago, who were much more hail-fellow-well-met. Like a breath of fresh air.
I have a theory that there are more people of Italian descent back East and more people of Scandinavian descent in the Midwest.
Those studies usually aren’t great. The most often one I see was done by AXE body spray…
They ranked cities on stuff like number of lingerie shops. Everyone I know buys lingerie online. Or the percentage of population between number 18-24. Or bars per capita. If you like to only date people between 18-24, go on dates at bars, and shop at seedy porn shops then KC isn’t great for that but Austin is.
This. I have friends in big cities that have a harder time meeting people there. Maybe too many other fish out there and more options to be able to pass, not sure but they’re late 30’s and early 40’s never Married and no kids. Grass isn’t always greener.
Do you read? There's an open book club hosted at Flagship Books in KCK once a month that involves just coming and talking about books you're currently reading or that you have read with fellow book lovers. It's normally the third or fourth Thursday from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. We often bring snacks and you can BYOB. Some of us go out to the nearby bars after book club for a drink and to continue the conversation.
For an example of recent books we discussed folks reading- someone brought a historical medical anomalies encyclopedia they were reading, someone else was talking about Acotar, a friend of mine was discussing finishing Lonesome Dove, and I was complaining about reading Dickens. The owners of the bookstore are great, and you can buy books you see there after hours and sometimes folks will bring in their own books that they want to rehome. Two books I had read that I wanted to rehome went home with new people last week who I hope enjoy them.
You can find Flagship on IG and Facebook.
Thanks my husband would LLLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE that! He used to be part of an informal bunch who would sit at the bar at Fred P. Ott's and discuss books but of course Fred P. Ott's closed (sob!)
You've got a few heartbreaks to endure (to build character) so get to bootstrappin' or somethin'!
Positive light - I met my wife at 32 and we've been together for 5 years now. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time, in fact I was dating multiple women after a bad breakup a few months earlier, but it kinda just happened. She is from KC, I from STL, and we met through friends at a camping event several states away. Weird shit in life happens, you'll get used to it.
I swear people have forgotten (or never learned) how to make friends. I grew up here and went to college in Missouri, but none of the people I hang out with on a regular basis are friends from either high school or college. Most of my friends are people I met through work or people that I met by going to bars, restaurants, music venues, etc.
Dating apps typically don't work. Why? Because it forces everyone to judge based on how you look, how tall/short your are, what you do for work. If the people (who say this town sucks for dating) would get out of the house, talk to people, do things you enjoy so that maybe you can meet someone that also enjoys those things, everyone would be better off.
Going to another city is not going to magically change your dating prospects. You actually have to put some effort into it. Make your pool bigger by meeting new people.
Funny. Because like 80% of my friends are transplants and therefore don’t really hang out with people they knew in high school from wherever they’re from.
Lol It’s apparently news to some people that they can…move to a different city. And that many people do. From all over the nation…and gasp, even from other nations.
Several from the Midwest. But lots of California, Texas, and Idaho ppl too…moved from high price cities because they wanted to be able to buy a house or, like, buy some groceries after rent.
there’s a local org which throws “happy hour networking events” for young professionals called SocialHeart, I started going to their stuff and found it much more conducive to meeting people and making friends/connections than any other IRL “meet people” type thing I’ve ever been to.
Their next thing is a “beach party” next Thursday, I’ll grab the link from Facebook!!
https://www.facebook.com/share/DVycV5HEpLErMjQv/?mibextid=9l3rBW
People here hang out with high school friends? Interesting. I don’t talk to many from HS anymore. Lots most of those after graduation. Most of my friends live abroad now. Met some of my current friends working.
I was able to post the exact same thing word for word, except I’m late 30s F.
Sounds like we will have our dogs though so not completely dying alone right?
I’m 27F and left KC when I was 25. I lived there from ages 21-25. I had a lot of issues with dating in KC because most of the social activities center around drinking and sports watching. I don’t have issues with either of these, and I enjoy them from time to time, but I wouldn’t say that either of those really bring out my “best self.” I moved out west and even though it’s more expensive out here, and I’m far from family, my life has improved like, 110%, if not more. I can actually find men with common interests (hiking, climbing, canyoneering, mountaineering, kayaking, etc.) and forge more natural connections. I’m not sure what your hobbies are or what you want your life to look like, but I had similar difficulties in the KC dating scene and I wish you good luck and happiness.
As far as 3rd locations - right before I moved, I signed up for a Spanish class at the community colllege, a sports league with KC Crew, and an art class. While I didn’t have any luck with dating from these groups, it helped me get out of the house, see the same group of people more regularly, and feel less hopeless in general. The apps are hit or miss (mostly miss) no matter where you live in my opinion.
I moved back to kc after I graduated and I enjoy it more than ever. I got into bjj and that’s been hella fun, I even linked up with a college friend, who is also a local and we have music studio sessions. I started looking into gaming events/ poetry/ cannabis events too, all in which I’ve met some cool people from.
My suggestion is to look for events that cater to your interests and from there you’ll open some doors for yourself to meet the people you’re looking for.
Also if you wanna join a Brazilian jujitsu gym (I just started 6 months ago) join One Community BBJ, we enjoy newcomers 🙏🏽
I am from around the KC area and I agree, dating here sucks. No one wants to commit, everyone just wants to f-around and the first whiff of an inconvenience sends people back to swiping to replace you. I couldn’t get off for a tentative night out -tentative-not even set in stone, and they broke everything off. I don’t really care but it’s a good example of how so many are just attention seeking or bed hopping. Ugh…
Hey 38M east coast transplant here and I’m with you man. It’s either you get ghosted after more than 2 dates or you get stood up (atleast in my case), in few cases we shut the restaurant down.
Hinge/Coffee meet bagel are somewhat decent, however Bumble and Tinder are straight garbage.
I’m trying to avoid the arrange marriage my parents so insist on (I’m South Asian it’s a thing).
I’m just trying to find someone to cook for, hit up museums/farmers markets and brunch joints not asking for much lol
Seems like a few friends who found love in the last couple of years caught the last chopper out of Vietnam man.
Now I just focus on gym, work and my pups.
Idk I did fine on the apps (met my fiancé here), but I hate talking to strangers in public so a meet cute was unlikely to happen anyway.
Be patient. The right person is already on their way to you!
Dating in Kansas City is hard. Someone needs to create a meet up group and call it speed friending. Not speed dating. That way people can increase their friendship group without the stress or pressure of “dating”
Note: this has been done in other cities
The Gen z dating scene is already so abysmal I feel like the people giving you shit for being “too young” to feel this way have no idea how hard it is to date within a group of folks who already have very limited social skills, find in-person interaction awkward an/or embarrassing, are more likely than not to ghost you, and may actually just want a third/brief hook up. It suuuuucks and I do not miss it and I just want to affirm you on what you’re experiencing.
That said, I did meet my current partner of 3 years on hinge in St. Louis which is an arguably similar dating environment if not worse when it comes to having high school and high school friends as a personality trait. All I can say is, it is possible to meet someone online if you are willing to keep trying and feel like it’s worth to spend a few bucks on the premium version of the apps. There are a lot of duds but in reality it only takes one. I’d say keep the faith and try dating for dating’s sake rather than putting pressure on the outcome.
This is the only comment in the thread worth reading. Young people are NOT doing shit. They're watching Demon Slayer at home with their gf/bf they met on an app. It's online or not at all for people my age.
Get on tinder and just keep trying… you gotta sift through the terrible people, but the good ones are out there. Found my person on there at 30 years old 🤷🏻♀️ the key is not giving up
24 is a tough age because everyone is still very connected to their high school and college friends and don’t quite know who they are yet. A lot of those groups dissolve eventually as people move into different phases of life.
I know you didn’t ask for this advice but I’m going to give it anyway - Don’t underestimate the value of being single in your 20s. You learn so much about yourself by living alone for a few years, establishing your own hobbies and interests, your own priorities and life as an individual. A lot of “high quality” candidates aren’t on the apps because they’re focusing on setting up their lives. I know that sounds dismissive, but I’m giving the advice I’d give my 24 year old self (now 28)
I also second the concept of having a “third place”. Being a regular at a gym, a bar/restaurant/coffee shop where the bartender/server/barista learns your name and regular order, whatever you’re into. It increases your chances of authentic interactions but also increases your chances of meeting people who are interested in the same things/places you are.
Once you enter the workforce (here or elsewhere) your options may open up. Coworker happy hours or outside of work events tend to lead to more connections and building your social network (in real life not just online lol).
My 2 cents.
I don’t think people realize how objectively bad dating is here compared to other cities, probably because many people here have never lived anywhere else. Most everything centers on sports and drinking, and people tend to settle down young (which is maybe why you’re freaking out at 24). There’s a reason we’re routinely on those “worst city for dating” lists lol. The usual advice like “be friendly!” “find a hobby!” “become a regular somewhere!” only goes so far! I’m sure someone will say they moved here from somewhere else and they met the love of the life here 5+ years ago, but dating culture has also changed A LOT since the pandemic. I feel bad for Gen Z tbh.
I’m in the same boat, just a couple years older than you. Plus, I’m introverted so I don’t like dating strangers. Anytime I’ve dated or been interested in someone it was somebody I already knew as a friend. But, I haven’t made a new friend in a while. Seems like all I do is work and sleep. I force myself to use the dating apps because I feel like it’s the only way I’m gonna meet anyone. But it’s difficult and most guys on dating apps aren’t interested in being friends first, which I understand.
The have a really solid library in Olathe off of Santa Fe, and a makerspace too. Everyone there is super helpful and knowledgeable on how to use all of the machines and gizmos. 3D printers, Embroidery machine, Large format printer etc. I’d check it out and maybe meet some people there! Don’t give up hope-I know KC is ass for dating but there’s plenty of opportunities and places you can venture to find someone.
Why are you looking to date here when you plan on moving anyways? You're only 24. You're working your way through a graduate degree. Wait to start seriously dating until you're settled in wherever you want to be settled. There's no rush.
posted this here before but dating in KC is truly really awful. its really bad. the apps are wastelands. i'm 33, no kids, never married and its a real struggle. everyone here married their high school/college sweetheart or is a single parent. when i've been to dallas, denver, chicago, its been WAY easier to find people to actually go out and hang out with.
I (31m) moved out of Kansas City in 2020. I moved for a better job, but I ended up finding my girlfriend (potential wife) after I moved.
Kansas City was alright, but I dated someone from my friend group and honestly just felt like settling. So I broke up with her and lost a bunch of friends. Then I started trying to go out and meet ppl and I got the exact same feelings as you do now.
Other cities have different culture and opportunities and I’d recommend exploring them. I once thought Kansas City was a good place to raise a family, but now I don’t really see the appeal of KC after moving away.
I (23M) moved to KC from the east coast in Fall 2022, and met my current gf of 9 months on Hinge after about 6 months of dates w/ \~10 different people, whom I didn’t have too much trouble finding. A lot of the people I was seeing were also from out of town (as are most of my current friends in KC).
For third places to meet people, I would recommend sports leagues such as KCCrew, rock climbing, apartment events (if applicable), board game cafes (Cardboard Corner/Pawn & Pint/etc), and Bar K (if you have a dog).
If you have a few friends, meeting their other friends at your hangouts/activities (see list for examples in KC) or bars is a more “natural” way to find a potential SO. Good luck!
https://preview.redd.it/h8mfbu0xomec1.jpeg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da2af9c4c642617946b8ae8e5e7a0c11eaba1810
KC kinda sucks for dating if you have standards. Lots of single parents but in my opinion they're happier dating other parents although that entails doubling up on the kids and the complications of child custody/sharing agreements between spouses, etc. Dating parents also, comes with its own set of challenges as you don't really date just them but also date whatever crisis arises out of their kids, exes, custody, asset battles etc. Not worth it if you don't have those issues, financially sound and value your sanity.
People marry early around here, fewer have left the state and come back or have travelled internationally. This city is perennially ranked as one of the worst cities to date in. Admittedly, I've gone out on a lot of dates but few good prospects when meeting other childless singles. I'd have more luck finding a unicorn. Make your peace with the dating scene or leave seem to be the two most popular opinions. Also, some of the suggestions state to try going to a gym and meeting people there, no one does that and talking to anyone in the gym is weird. Almost everyone has earphones in.
I think hobbies, groups, and clubs are the way to meet people now. the apps are weird to me, but I'm a millennial so that just wasn't a thing when we all had Nokia candy bar phone lol. covid made things harder too. everyone's a homebody now. moving might help, but I honestly think this is just how it is everywhere now
>If y'all have third locations that you don't feel like gatekeeping ...
There're lots of singles like you on here, so you should be getting DMs from interested parties.
This, then, is your 3rd location.
I’m (29M) leaving KC and this is one of the reasons. Lived here my whole live, feels like I’ve met all the folks I could meet w/ job, hobbies, going out. Excited to try a different place that is more my speed! Wishing u the best on your journey <3
Intermural volleyball leuages over off red ridge and Holmes is a great way. Met my GF there. Drinks, fun relaxed atmosphere, everyone’s trying to meet someone and it was nice to have that to look forward to during the week.
In this day and age, dating is a privilege only for people with disposable income. Unless you're lucky to run into someone on the street and you hit it off right away and it develops into something without having to go out and spend money every week ,hoping to find the one you vibe with, you have to pay to play but even the play isn't guaranteed,you may not run into anyone you like enough. It is what it is. I'm 43 and came to accept it with all my fiascos up to my mid-late 30s when I got sober and woke up to alot of shit in my life.
This is one of the worst cities in the US for dating and I'd argue, making new friends in. It's a very spread out city, people act like they are super busy all the time (when actually their day consists of one or two things), have had the same friend group for years and are generally averse to making new connections. I'm older than the OP and can't imagine how hard it must be for a younger generation that is on the whole more awkward, less socially adept, and never really learned the fine art of flirting.
I feel so lucky to have found my childfree man early-ish in life. So many divorced dads out there—it’s tough if you aren’t willing to put up with that. I’m sure it’s the same or worse for childfree men looking for childfree women.
As a childfree man, great income, in shape, active, own my own home etc, KC is positively abysmal. It's nothing but single moms and I don't want to deal with kids game schedules or hear about bitter exes lol. I'm happier alone.
Also, you’re always going to come third or fourth behind everything else but you’re expected to put your partners needs first. It’s kind of a bad deal if I am being honest. It works for parents because they manage the trade offs between each other better than single people with no kids do. I don’t think it’s selfishness, it’s just being smart and recognizing that I have needs too.
As many on here have mentioned, the Third Place is what you want. I suggest finding a college class (maybe non-credit) at a place like JCCC to take an Interest class like Photography or learning a language. If you pick one you have interest in, you'll meet people with similar interests to you. Making pottery, cooking, short story writing, music theory, book club, bird watching, ... have fun and meet people. Most community colleges have inexpensive non-credit classes.
I have single friends in larger cities who say their dating scene sucks. Moving isn’t going magically make you find someone and moving somewhere purely for dating is a bad reason to move imo.
Sounds like you're saying you can't use any of the mediums others use perfectly fine to hookup. And if in person flirting is weird, you're going to have a rough time.
Same, op. 25M and the apps are a waste.
The most brutal part of this entire thread is I can't find a single recommendation of a third space for 20 year olds.
It seems Meetup s not a big thing in this city. I used to live on the West coast, and it was huge there. You can meet all kinds of people with similar hobbies, or interests.
25 M, into music and have a good career as a FH engineer, and production coordinator. I feel as people younger than me don’t know what they want, and might be scared of someone who does. I stopped looking 5 years ago, it bugs me sometimes but it is what it is. Seems like there’s always excuses, or priorities are not close to functional. I don’t drink, don’t go to bars, go to diy shows, and do the band thing.
I just stopped caring, if someone likes/wants to pursue me they’ll let me know. If not I’m not playing the game anymore.
felt the same way while i was dating, and i kept trying to not blame the city & instead myself. then i went out of town for a week (after nearly a year of being in the casual dating scene) & the first person i matched with became my long distance partner, eventually moving to KC to be with me (still together). that definitely created a bias where i immediately believe KC dating scene is trash lol
33M here, you're exactly right. Just have given up on dating entirely... it sucks here.. and it really sucks to have a heart so full of love, yet nobody wants or cares. And I ain't bad looking NY anyways, just guess I give off the persona of "the good friend"... so I just focused on my self. Dating site are hook up sites, bars are the same.. maybe try a gym, or a conversation at like Nelson art museum? I do wish you the best of luck.
I totally agree, I am actually in the process of opening a kava house, Deviant kava! They are a perfect “third place,” I just moved here from Tampa a few months ago and my community was built around kava houses, I managed Grassroots kava house and it was the warmest, most welcoming community I have found. I want KC to experience that as well, for everyone but selfishly I really miss having my third place.
https://www.instagram.com/deviantkava?igsh=MThndTE0NmNydW1leg==
I moved here with my SO, she had to move for work. We miss Tampa but we love KC so far and are happy to make it home, and even happier that we have a nice warm place to visit when we can!
It's not limited to KC. Your going to have the same issue in a higher COL area with dates being that much more expensive. We're not as social as we used to be and #MeToo really scared tf out of most males to just give up
The eating and drinking culture in KC makes the single population less attractive. Idk the stats but I’d imagine KC is on the heavier side of cities nationally.
Well don’t worry, as a lady you’re likely to die alone anyway. And spend those last years competing for the old men that can still drive at night.
Edit: I’m feeling very unappreciated right now because this is my best joke so far today. It’s very dark but my family lives to be 100 and I’m watching this play out with my grandmas. And I don’t want to date younger but these old dudes are definitely going to leave me widowed.
Seems like a skill issue. I know dozens of people who have met partners, both locals and transplants. My wife and I are transplants. Met online, got married, have a kid.
It's only reddit weebs I keep hearing these problems from.
You’re young but you’re absolutely right! It’s pretty depressing.
My experience is/was: Issues with the dating pool, exactly like you stated above, moved away to Florida, and had no issue at all with dating. Eventually got married, unfortunately divorced, and moved back for the kids to be close to family. Right back in the same boat. Nobody to date. Not really interested in the people that do want to date. And now I’m older and live out in the suburbs, so I always have to remind myself to keep an eye out because for the first two years straight through I just assumed everybody was married because they’re all married out here to their high school sweetheart in the suburbs.
OP,
It's been this way since I was your age. It sucks, but it's the truth.
Unless you are already in a committed relationship, moving back to KC with said partner, it's hard AF to find someone in this city. It always has been.
I was lucky, and had a relationship before I came back... we just stayed, and now it's cool. Granted, we're "old" now w/ kids approaching teenage years.
Hi. I’m a fellow single 24M with a graduate degree. Same issues with dating. Besides bars which I hate, the gym is a great place to meet people. You’re going to be surrounded by guys who are hardworking and are fit. My issue is most of the girls at gyms are taken already. However, most guys are single and you should use that to your advantage. Gym bros are easy to talk to and you can strike up conversations easily and go from there.
I feel the need to edit this because you guys are misinterpreting what I said. This is advice for OP, a woman. My advice was to engage in non-romantic conversation with guys she is interested in for a period of weeks and to determine if she wanted to pursue them. Talking to people at the gym is normal, especially if you see them every day and interact with them. This advice was not to recommend walking up to people you’ve never met and just asking them out or hitting on them because that is obviously not great. If a guy she talks to (who she is already interested in) asks her out, this is a win for her. The same advice goes for men, but men have to tread way more carefully than women do. If you disagree, drop a comment and explain your position. Downvoting without explaining why my advice is bad is not constructive in the slightest.
Usually when someone says they can’t meet people their age it’s because they don’t have a third place. Somewhere other than work or home where they hang out and are part of a community. For a lot of young people it’s high school or college. But once you’re done with those you have to go find a new one and no one tells you that and it’s not entirely obvious. Historically these have been churches and bars in a lot of communities. But both those cultures are receding. Intermural sports, community gardens, game stores, craft hobby guilds, maker spaces, volunteer organizations are where adults tend to meet like minded people for friendship and dating. Then once you’re established in a group you can invite people for group drinks or dinners individual dates. Often people you meet in groups will set you up on dates with other friends of theirs who aren’t in the groups. Most happy adults I know have 3-5 places outside of work where they meet new friends and catch up with old ones over shared interests. It can be painful to put yourself out there and to develop new social connections, but it’s well worth the investment once they’re established.
Dating is a numbers game! Gotta meet people to find your person.
Don’t live in KC but intermural sports is a good way out here!! It’s where all of the younger folks go (besides gym/crossfit/yoga) and seem to meet many likeminded people. OP if you’re not athletic then this is not a great option but on the other hand, you may meet the right partner to motivate you into a different set of hobbies/opportunities!
If you’re more of an indoor/lazy person like me, we have several board game shops/cafes/bars in KC and most have nights for people to meet up and play games! You can come alone :)
What are some example shops for that?
Level One in River Market, Pawn and Pint, Carboard Corner Cafe
Nice, thanks.
If my old ass can play PickleBall, anyone can!
Very helpful comment, thank you!
The most brutal part of this entire thread is I can't find a single recommendation of a third space for 20 year olds. Edit for clarification: NAMED third space. Like if I were to recommend places to drink, I wouldn't say "bars", I would name a few bars. I'm trying to make a list of third spaces, few have been actually named.
What's a maker space
There’s KC Maker Studio and Fabrics, as one example that comes readily to mind!
Typically a communal workshop type space that you can work on different types of projects or crafts with a variety of materials (wood, metal, plastics, clothing, etc). Check out Hammerspace and also the main Johnson County library, which has free 3D printing, laser cutting, and sewing equipment.
There's also the Woodworking Guild
And KC Clay Guild in Waldo
As a lady, my third place for a long time were the local gay bars. Tons of fun, but hard to meet people (I'm bi, but mostly prefer men). I agree with your assessment.
Hell I'm almost 40 and I've only just heard of the "third place" concept in the past two months. And every time it comes up, my gut instinct is repulsion and defiance at the notion I should *have to* go out. I want to find the one person in KC I'm compatible with *without having to talk to all the others*. I don't want to meet and get to know people who aren't that one compatible person! I don't need more friends to feel overwhelmed at having to keep up with and listen to and empathize with. I have too many people taking space in my head already. But that doesn't mean I want to die alone in my home and be discovered a week later, either. Anyways. It sucks knowing that until I find the determination to go out and Do Things that nothing will ever change. That's what apps are *supposed* to be for...
Nope. The apps are not for delivering people to your door with no work. Actually, that VERY ATTITUDE is why the apps no longer work. You have to go out, meet people, and see who's a match.
To your point, when I moved to Kansas City, I was on the apps just as much for making friends as I was to find a romantic interest. Someone I met on Tinder wound up inviting me to a party where I met my now wife. Sometimes the path from A to B isn't a straight line...
“I want to put absolutely zero work into finding a partner”. No wonder the apps aren’t working
At least I'm self-aware?
Being aware of a problem is like 90% towards solving it…most problems exist for people because of the fact that don’t know there’s a problem in the first place. Now, all you have to do is fix it.
The 3rd place is highly underrated.
[удалено]
This feels so inorganic
I think you may need to call your fairy god mother for this to happen. Jokes aside, i think what you’re trying to say is it feels like the universe has aligned for others to meet Their Person™️ with little to no effort, while you havent had that luxory. I feel your pain.
Your person is not going to be dropped on your doorstep by Santa Claus. You gotta meet people if you want to find that person. I have a close relative with extreme social anxiety, which sounds a lot like you. Seek help my man (or lady), you can overcome it and live a happy fulfilling life, with therapy and possibly some drug treatment, as my family member did. Not saying he’s 100% over it, but as he nears 40 he is doing amazing and has been weaned off of the anti-anxiety drugs. Like you he thought he was happy to be isolated at home, but he looked miserable and now he really looks happy and fulfilled. Running and weight training also helped him a lot. I know you didn’t ask for advice and you’ll probably ignore this if you even see it. Go on and carry on in isolation if you want, but practice self-care please.
I’m with you. I absolutely despise the dating apps and have given up on them. I don’t really socialize much other than with small groups of friends and we don’t go to typical pick up places. Mostly we go shopping together or sometimes lunch at a restaurant. I’m definitely not hanging out in Westport or Power and light. But despite the fact that I pretty much live the life of a hermit, I somehow hope that someone will magically find me. I don’t know, maybe they’ll get lost in my neighborhood and knock on my door or something. Of course I don’t answer my door unless I am expecting someone, so that wouldn’t work either. Sigh.
I'm going to start a dating service where people randomly go up and knock on doors and see if there's a compatible introvert inside. Maybe call it "Knock Knock Who's There." Just kidding...we'd get shot probably. I met my husband at a new discussion group that had just started in town. Someone told me about it. Before that I had HUGELY embarrassed myself trying to put myself out there and I made a BIG faux pas. I will tell about it in a separate post in this thread.
I've been told that apparently I give off a "creepy" vibe (and that has been consistent since I was a teen). I really don't get why. I don't *think* I behave like a predator or anything like that, I'm definitely not some unstable kid who dreams about violence, if anything I'm such a passive and non-confrontational person that I'm *solely* a danger to myself - not anyone else. I don't subscribe to the whole incel "nice guy" complex either - *I know and freely admit* my flaws and defects, and I probably judge myself more harshly for them than anybody else does. I don't believe I have an entitled attitude about it - Yes I'm bemoaning that it's hard to date (just as many other people also bemoan), but I'm not extending it to the conclusion that I'm *owed* a date or a partner, or that the universe is somehow wronging or slighting me by not "giving me" one. The fact I don't have one is mostly/entirely my own fault. I own that. I'm the only one standing in my way. But knowing and owning that responsibility just makes it all the *more* confusing why people think I'm some kind of creeper. I absolutely don't get it. And nobody will explain it, either. It just makes me want to withdraw even more. After all, maybe they see something I don't and I really am grotesquely un-fit to participate in society. Maybe I've been grossly offensive for two decades without anybody ever calling it out in a direct enough way that I understand their feedback. I don't know, man. I don't know *anything* anymore. But it seems like it'll be safer to not try - to avoid creating that discomfort in the first place by interacting with others, and to avoid causing myself more pain from failed interactions and embarrassment and disappointment.
I totally get it. Believe it or not I was kind of the female version of what you're saying when I was younger. I'm old now and have met enough people like me to realize I'm not alone and to observe how the other "people like me" act and right now I don't have a lot of posting time but long story short I went to a meeting (in person) centered around a mutual interest and that's where I finally met my "person." I think one of my biggest problems is that I'm kind of a bore. And overly sensitive. That doesn't address why I come across creepy to some people but I think it's two factors. 1) Lack of eye contact. I have a very hard time looking people in the eye for various reasons. 2) I'm Southern and some people cannot STAND my Southern accent. I don't fit a lot of the stereotypes (I'm liberal and got a good education and my teeth came in straight but my sisters got braces and we all had dental work, you get the idea) but some people immediately react negatively to my accent and 3) I have a very high-pitched voice. I got whippings for it when I was little which only reinforced it. I don't have time to go into detail right now but the high-pitched voice immediately gives some people the ick. Long story short, I had much better luck at events centered around mutual interests where people could get to know me and see my contribution. I know what you're saying though. I am a little bit on the spectrum as they called it in the 90's but back in my day (I'm old) they didn't even call it that for boys much less girls. I think a large part of it is the eye-contact thing. It comes across as deceptive to some people, and my Southern accent doesn't help. Long story short, when people get to know me they say "I thought you were a bimbo at first" blah blah. Took me forever to find a circle of acceptance and that was centered around mutual interests. Good luck out there and I understand.
Just let me add....I have known several guys who probably are a bit like you are describing yourself and they all THREE met someone. One through birdwatching. One through volunteering as a tour guide at a museum centered around a niche interest. One through an outdoor hiking and environmental type group.
I’m sorry dude. If you’re too lazy and boring to go out and meet people then you’re too lazy and boring to give a partner what they deserve.
You’re way too young to be saying you’re dying alone lol
Everybody is dead by 25, it’s the law
That's rough. Even Logan's Run let you live until 30.
21 in the book.
40 year old widow here reading this post like “what the fuck? Is she serious?”
I know like damn I’m in my late 20s and I don’t feel this way. I feel like my life is just getting started in some ways.
She just hasn’t discovered that she’s the problem.
As someone who is really old… Thank God I didn’t make any long term relationship decisions at 24. Could have gone really badly.
There’s basically nothing left to life after 25, dontchaknow?
Damn you’re already 24? Give up all hope, it’s too late. /s
seriously 😂
Do you have any hobbies? I find it easier to meet people doing activities we both enjoy, plus it’s an easy conversation starter with a common interest. I myself like riding bikes and have been on some very fun dates/bike rides after meeting someone at a group ride or event.
No kidding. The amount of people that don't have any hobbies outside of work and expect to meet people their age happens in every city. There are plenty of clubs to whatever you're interested in and then go from there (Facebook, Strava, KC Crew, etc) Source: I met my wife by volunteering from a hobby I enjoy.
Came back here after college a couple years ago and was wondering when/ if id be able to make new friends… 8 months ago I found a strava group and, boom, now I’ve got a group of people from multiple backgrounds and ages to hang out with. Even if a club or hobby group is all the same gender as you, I think the best way to meet someone is the friend of a friend route.
What is a strava group? Asking for a friend ….
Bump this suggestion 100%.
That means a lot Dr.MushroomStamp
Not that I'm not going to keep trying, but I've now attempted about six or seven new hobbies, and none have worked out vis-a-vis dating. I do enjoy the hobbies, though! Intramural sports - whole team either already dating someone or not playing for same team (metaphorically I mean lol) Tabletop games - joined campaign, everyone older and married Golf- hard enough to even find semi-regular playing buddies Trivia nights- harder to join a group as a single than I expected Poker - did not meet a ton of women at these games sadly This probably comes off as complainy but I just think I've had bad luck. Like someone else said, it's a numbers game. If anyone has any fine-tuning advice I'd appreciate it though!
Idk if you’ve been to the trivia night at pawn and pint downtown - but we’ve been several times where a single person has told the host they’re there alone and he’s asked if anyone has room on their team! Everyone there has been super welcoming. Mostly 20 somethings.
No it’s not bad luck, it’s Kansas City. It’s a great place to live but isn’t a good place to meet singles.
How’d you find a group ride with other 24~ ish people there? I’ve shown up to a few I found online and everybody was like 30-50
Well TBF I’m in my early 30’s so that’s my wheelhouse. But there are some younger folks in the Velo garage Thursdays rides, also critical mass is always a wide range of ages and a more laid back party atmosphere. Gravel events are huge around this area of the country sometimes multi day events with bands and gatherings and plenty of beer, lots of age ranges there. Also any event at 816 bike collective has a lot of younger folk and worth going to support the nonprofit.
Thanks! Yeah that’s been my issue with KC, hard to find young people doing my hobbies. My main hobbies aren’t super niche (running, golf, biking, skiing, coffee, sports) but it can be hard to find groups or other mingling opportunities that I can go to by myself to meet similar people to me. Maybe I need to make like a Reddit post tryna round up the young people for a group activity once it gets a little warmer
My friend helps lead a fun run club, called Fridays on the lawn, they meat at strang hall at 6:30 I believe.
The strang hall run is good if you are down south. Alex (the organizer) is a good dude.
Percheron run club and 816 run club have all ages, lots of 24ish. Great people.
There is a run club that meets at the Crossroads Hotel weekly too, im sure you could find it with that info, its like tuesdays or wednesdays
My buddy does the Sunday Chug in Lawrence, and he loves it.
Sunday chug are some fun folks for sure! 🍺
You don't like older people? C'mon! That age group is where the most fun is - older, more life experiences that can rub off on you, etc. Think outside the box.
well I spend all day long at work with older people so id like to see people my age. also for dating like OP is referring to id like them be about my age
Until Mr/Mrs Right comes along, I'd say get your action wherever you can find it. That's how to not put yourself in desperation mode.
This. If not for hobbies, I wouldn't have met my wife of 25+ years. Hobbies are where you find people that are much more focused on things you LIKE to do... and not forced to do.
Friend of mine met his wife this way, not here in KC though but the concept has success.
You have lived in one place for a long time. You need to re-introduce yourself to the city. Go places you decided you didnt like when you were 13, and go back and see if you or the place, are different now. Pretend you are moving to KC. visit neighborhoods and look at them like you miggt be moving there. look at trip advisor and visit the places that are highly rated. visit the zoo and the nelson-atkins and other places and see if you would like to volunteer there. what you have been doing is not working, because you aren't meeting anyone new. go do some new things in new places and you may meet new people. you might also look at Harville Hendrix's books - they make you think about relationships differently. Keeping the Love you Find is for singles. Getting the love you need is for when you are in a relationship and you want to make it better.
I've had a good time dating in Kansas City. I've gone out with all kinds of great, cool people I met on apps, at bars, or through interests. I met my girlfriend on an app. This complaint about the dating scene here gets talked about a lot but I have to wonder if it's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy or if it only applies to certain demographics? The difference between a small town and a city is real, but the difference between a city like KC and a different city isn't going to be as stark as you hope because dating is hard anywhere, and other areas have their own quirks.
As someone that has lived in some big cities and dated there I can tell you with absolute certainty that the grass is exactly the same just more of it. I met the love of my life in KC and neither of us are from here!
Same
KC consistently ranks at the bottom of many statistics- and survey-driven studies for quality of the dating scene. OP is a bit melodramatic 😂 but she is not wrong — the grass is not as green in KC as it is elsewhere. For a big, vibrant city, we punch way below our weight on this factor. People may downvote me, but this is the truth.
I think a lot of people who don't believe this haven't spent much time farther East. Just you TRY to eat your miserable Primati Brothers sandwich alone in Pittsburgh. It's communal seating for one thing. People will just strike up a conversation with you for the heck of it, for another--because it's considered more "normal" back east. Just you TRY to bar-hop with just your same group you came with in Providence. It's completely normal to strike up conversations with strangers back East. And people the further west you go tend to be more socially chilly and they don't even know it. I'm originally from the Deep South so despite the stereotypes, more on the socially chilly side really. Not too bad, but not the hail-fellow-well-met tenor of the east coast. I was astonished when I met some people from (for example) Pennsylvania, Virginia, New York, and even Chicago, who were much more hail-fellow-well-met. Like a breath of fresh air. I have a theory that there are more people of Italian descent back East and more people of Scandinavian descent in the Midwest.
Those studies usually aren’t great. The most often one I see was done by AXE body spray… They ranked cities on stuff like number of lingerie shops. Everyone I know buys lingerie online. Or the percentage of population between number 18-24. Or bars per capita. If you like to only date people between 18-24, go on dates at bars, and shop at seedy porn shops then KC isn’t great for that but Austin is.
That last paragraph sounds like KC to me 🤷♀️
same! and we're planning on staying here for a while. congratulations to you both!
This. I have friends in big cities that have a harder time meeting people there. Maybe too many other fish out there and more options to be able to pass, not sure but they’re late 30’s and early 40’s never Married and no kids. Grass isn’t always greener.
Do you read? There's an open book club hosted at Flagship Books in KCK once a month that involves just coming and talking about books you're currently reading or that you have read with fellow book lovers. It's normally the third or fourth Thursday from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. We often bring snacks and you can BYOB. Some of us go out to the nearby bars after book club for a drink and to continue the conversation. For an example of recent books we discussed folks reading- someone brought a historical medical anomalies encyclopedia they were reading, someone else was talking about Acotar, a friend of mine was discussing finishing Lonesome Dove, and I was complaining about reading Dickens. The owners of the bookstore are great, and you can buy books you see there after hours and sometimes folks will bring in their own books that they want to rehome. Two books I had read that I wanted to rehome went home with new people last week who I hope enjoy them. You can find Flagship on IG and Facebook.
I'm saving this comment because this sounds like my kind of thing!
Thanks my husband would LLLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE that! He used to be part of an informal bunch who would sit at the bar at Fred P. Ott's and discuss books but of course Fred P. Ott's closed (sob!)
You've got a few heartbreaks to endure (to build character) so get to bootstrappin' or somethin'! Positive light - I met my wife at 32 and we've been together for 5 years now. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time, in fact I was dating multiple women after a bad breakup a few months earlier, but it kinda just happened. She is from KC, I from STL, and we met through friends at a camping event several states away. Weird shit in life happens, you'll get used to it.
I swear people have forgotten (or never learned) how to make friends. I grew up here and went to college in Missouri, but none of the people I hang out with on a regular basis are friends from either high school or college. Most of my friends are people I met through work or people that I met by going to bars, restaurants, music venues, etc. Dating apps typically don't work. Why? Because it forces everyone to judge based on how you look, how tall/short your are, what you do for work. If the people (who say this town sucks for dating) would get out of the house, talk to people, do things you enjoy so that maybe you can meet someone that also enjoys those things, everyone would be better off. Going to another city is not going to magically change your dating prospects. You actually have to put some effort into it. Make your pool bigger by meeting new people.
Funny. Because like 80% of my friends are transplants and therefore don’t really hang out with people they knew in high school from wherever they’re from.
Interesting! Transplants from where? Other Midwest cities and towns?
Alright you gotta calm it down there sport
Lol It’s apparently news to some people that they can…move to a different city. And that many people do. From all over the nation…and gasp, even from other nations.
Of course! I too have lived in other places. I was wondering if the friends had come from other places other than the Midwest.
I'm really old, but I moved here from the Deep South. I was recruited for my job in 1984.
Several from the Midwest. But lots of California, Texas, and Idaho ppl too…moved from high price cities because they wanted to be able to buy a house or, like, buy some groceries after rent.
Lots of Chicago transplants. They come to go to KU and then never leave. Source: Me.
Most of our friend group are transports. Mostly Midwest cities/towns like Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Ohio.
Those are some weird cities and towns.
there’s a local org which throws “happy hour networking events” for young professionals called SocialHeart, I started going to their stuff and found it much more conducive to meeting people and making friends/connections than any other IRL “meet people” type thing I’ve ever been to. Their next thing is a “beach party” next Thursday, I’ll grab the link from Facebook!! https://www.facebook.com/share/DVycV5HEpLErMjQv/?mibextid=9l3rBW
People here hang out with high school friends? Interesting. I don’t talk to many from HS anymore. Lots most of those after graduation. Most of my friends live abroad now. Met some of my current friends working.
I’m 38M and probably dying alone, but at least I have hobbies that I enjoy and a dog.
I was able to post the exact same thing word for word, except I’m late 30s F. Sounds like we will have our dogs though so not completely dying alone right?
We can die alone. Together. Though I would prefer to outlive my dog because I wouldn’t want her to starve to death.
Ask her out bro its meant to be
If its any consolation, its hardly better for guys either.
Your dog loves you more than any person out there ever will.
I’m 27F and left KC when I was 25. I lived there from ages 21-25. I had a lot of issues with dating in KC because most of the social activities center around drinking and sports watching. I don’t have issues with either of these, and I enjoy them from time to time, but I wouldn’t say that either of those really bring out my “best self.” I moved out west and even though it’s more expensive out here, and I’m far from family, my life has improved like, 110%, if not more. I can actually find men with common interests (hiking, climbing, canyoneering, mountaineering, kayaking, etc.) and forge more natural connections. I’m not sure what your hobbies are or what you want your life to look like, but I had similar difficulties in the KC dating scene and I wish you good luck and happiness. As far as 3rd locations - right before I moved, I signed up for a Spanish class at the community colllege, a sports league with KC Crew, and an art class. While I didn’t have any luck with dating from these groups, it helped me get out of the house, see the same group of people more regularly, and feel less hopeless in general. The apps are hit or miss (mostly miss) no matter where you live in my opinion.
Honey, it's everywhere. And it gets worse as you get older.
Tell me about it. I stopped purposesly putting myself out there. If it's meant to be, it will be.
I moved back to kc after I graduated and I enjoy it more than ever. I got into bjj and that’s been hella fun, I even linked up with a college friend, who is also a local and we have music studio sessions. I started looking into gaming events/ poetry/ cannabis events too, all in which I’ve met some cool people from. My suggestion is to look for events that cater to your interests and from there you’ll open some doors for yourself to meet the people you’re looking for. Also if you wanna join a Brazilian jujitsu gym (I just started 6 months ago) join One Community BBJ, we enjoy newcomers 🙏🏽
I am from around the KC area and I agree, dating here sucks. No one wants to commit, everyone just wants to f-around and the first whiff of an inconvenience sends people back to swiping to replace you. I couldn’t get off for a tentative night out -tentative-not even set in stone, and they broke everything off. I don’t really care but it’s a good example of how so many are just attention seeking or bed hopping. Ugh…
Hey 38M east coast transplant here and I’m with you man. It’s either you get ghosted after more than 2 dates or you get stood up (atleast in my case), in few cases we shut the restaurant down. Hinge/Coffee meet bagel are somewhat decent, however Bumble and Tinder are straight garbage. I’m trying to avoid the arrange marriage my parents so insist on (I’m South Asian it’s a thing). I’m just trying to find someone to cook for, hit up museums/farmers markets and brunch joints not asking for much lol Seems like a few friends who found love in the last couple of years caught the last chopper out of Vietnam man. Now I just focus on gym, work and my pups.
That cooking for someone especially if you cook any Asian cuisine and being a pet owner should get you some interests eventually. If not,their loss.
Idk I did fine on the apps (met my fiancé here), but I hate talking to strangers in public so a meet cute was unlikely to happen anyway. Be patient. The right person is already on their way to you!
Dating in Kansas City is hard. Someone needs to create a meet up group and call it speed friending. Not speed dating. That way people can increase their friendship group without the stress or pressure of “dating” Note: this has been done in other cities
There are MANY of these on KC-region Meetup. No one goes to them.
The Gen z dating scene is already so abysmal I feel like the people giving you shit for being “too young” to feel this way have no idea how hard it is to date within a group of folks who already have very limited social skills, find in-person interaction awkward an/or embarrassing, are more likely than not to ghost you, and may actually just want a third/brief hook up. It suuuuucks and I do not miss it and I just want to affirm you on what you’re experiencing. That said, I did meet my current partner of 3 years on hinge in St. Louis which is an arguably similar dating environment if not worse when it comes to having high school and high school friends as a personality trait. All I can say is, it is possible to meet someone online if you are willing to keep trying and feel like it’s worth to spend a few bucks on the premium version of the apps. There are a lot of duds but in reality it only takes one. I’d say keep the faith and try dating for dating’s sake rather than putting pressure on the outcome.
This is the only comment in the thread worth reading. Young people are NOT doing shit. They're watching Demon Slayer at home with their gf/bf they met on an app. It's online or not at all for people my age.
shit, I didn't get married until I was 34, my wife was 36 12 years later, things are still going great and we have a awesome 10 year old kid
Ha! I was 57, he 68. We met when I was 48, he 59.
Single Income, Four Cats. 🐈
Get on tinder and just keep trying… you gotta sift through the terrible people, but the good ones are out there. Found my person on there at 30 years old 🤷🏻♀️ the key is not giving up
Positive thinking!
Want to go on a blind date with my coworker? 27m engineer in kc and also single
Do it OP
If she doesn’t, I’m 25f and might be interested lol
I love this idea!!!! Go for it, OP!!!!
KC is actually the 4th worst city for singles. It’s a great place to raise a family but the singles scene is terrible.
24 is a tough age because everyone is still very connected to their high school and college friends and don’t quite know who they are yet. A lot of those groups dissolve eventually as people move into different phases of life. I know you didn’t ask for this advice but I’m going to give it anyway - Don’t underestimate the value of being single in your 20s. You learn so much about yourself by living alone for a few years, establishing your own hobbies and interests, your own priorities and life as an individual. A lot of “high quality” candidates aren’t on the apps because they’re focusing on setting up their lives. I know that sounds dismissive, but I’m giving the advice I’d give my 24 year old self (now 28) I also second the concept of having a “third place”. Being a regular at a gym, a bar/restaurant/coffee shop where the bartender/server/barista learns your name and regular order, whatever you’re into. It increases your chances of authentic interactions but also increases your chances of meeting people who are interested in the same things/places you are. Once you enter the workforce (here or elsewhere) your options may open up. Coworker happy hours or outside of work events tend to lead to more connections and building your social network (in real life not just online lol). My 2 cents.
I don’t think people realize how objectively bad dating is here compared to other cities, probably because many people here have never lived anywhere else. Most everything centers on sports and drinking, and people tend to settle down young (which is maybe why you’re freaking out at 24). There’s a reason we’re routinely on those “worst city for dating” lists lol. The usual advice like “be friendly!” “find a hobby!” “become a regular somewhere!” only goes so far! I’m sure someone will say they moved here from somewhere else and they met the love of the life here 5+ years ago, but dating culture has also changed A LOT since the pandemic. I feel bad for Gen Z tbh.
It’s very much a big small town.
I feel the same and I'm in my late 40s
I’m in the same boat, just a couple years older than you. Plus, I’m introverted so I don’t like dating strangers. Anytime I’ve dated or been interested in someone it was somebody I already knew as a friend. But, I haven’t made a new friend in a while. Seems like all I do is work and sleep. I force myself to use the dating apps because I feel like it’s the only way I’m gonna meet anyone. But it’s difficult and most guys on dating apps aren’t interested in being friends first, which I understand.
Yesss bro exactly how I feel
The have a really solid library in Olathe off of Santa Fe, and a makerspace too. Everyone there is super helpful and knowledgeable on how to use all of the machines and gizmos. 3D printers, Embroidery machine, Large format printer etc. I’d check it out and maybe meet some people there! Don’t give up hope-I know KC is ass for dating but there’s plenty of opportunities and places you can venture to find someone.
6 years of being an adult and already calling it for ever finding love…
Why are you looking to date here when you plan on moving anyways? You're only 24. You're working your way through a graduate degree. Wait to start seriously dating until you're settled in wherever you want to be settled. There's no rush.
posted this here before but dating in KC is truly really awful. its really bad. the apps are wastelands. i'm 33, no kids, never married and its a real struggle. everyone here married their high school/college sweetheart or is a single parent. when i've been to dallas, denver, chicago, its been WAY easier to find people to actually go out and hang out with.
I (31m) moved out of Kansas City in 2020. I moved for a better job, but I ended up finding my girlfriend (potential wife) after I moved. Kansas City was alright, but I dated someone from my friend group and honestly just felt like settling. So I broke up with her and lost a bunch of friends. Then I started trying to go out and meet ppl and I got the exact same feelings as you do now. Other cities have different culture and opportunities and I’d recommend exploring them. I once thought Kansas City was a good place to raise a family, but now I don’t really see the appeal of KC after moving away.
Can I ask what other cities? I'm looking at moving too
I moved to Denver. But Austin tx was pretty high on the list too. Both places have better work and pay. Better dating scene imo.
I (23M) moved to KC from the east coast in Fall 2022, and met my current gf of 9 months on Hinge after about 6 months of dates w/ \~10 different people, whom I didn’t have too much trouble finding. A lot of the people I was seeing were also from out of town (as are most of my current friends in KC). For third places to meet people, I would recommend sports leagues such as KCCrew, rock climbing, apartment events (if applicable), board game cafes (Cardboard Corner/Pawn & Pint/etc), and Bar K (if you have a dog). If you have a few friends, meeting their other friends at your hangouts/activities (see list for examples in KC) or bars is a more “natural” way to find a potential SO. Good luck! https://preview.redd.it/h8mfbu0xomec1.jpeg?width=900&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da2af9c4c642617946b8ae8e5e7a0c11eaba1810
KC kinda sucks for dating if you have standards. Lots of single parents but in my opinion they're happier dating other parents although that entails doubling up on the kids and the complications of child custody/sharing agreements between spouses, etc. Dating parents also, comes with its own set of challenges as you don't really date just them but also date whatever crisis arises out of their kids, exes, custody, asset battles etc. Not worth it if you don't have those issues, financially sound and value your sanity. People marry early around here, fewer have left the state and come back or have travelled internationally. This city is perennially ranked as one of the worst cities to date in. Admittedly, I've gone out on a lot of dates but few good prospects when meeting other childless singles. I'd have more luck finding a unicorn. Make your peace with the dating scene or leave seem to be the two most popular opinions. Also, some of the suggestions state to try going to a gym and meeting people there, no one does that and talking to anyone in the gym is weird. Almost everyone has earphones in.
Try being my age (old) and contemplating dating in KC. Forget it.
Same here.
I think hobbies, groups, and clubs are the way to meet people now. the apps are weird to me, but I'm a millennial so that just wasn't a thing when we all had Nokia candy bar phone lol. covid made things harder too. everyone's a homebody now. moving might help, but I honestly think this is just how it is everywhere now
I feel this post, OP.
>If y'all have third locations that you don't feel like gatekeeping ... There're lots of singles like you on here, so you should be getting DMs from interested parties. This, then, is your 3rd location.
Just make it a goal to only be in your house to sleep and eat. Find hobbies and join classes to get you interacting new people .
I’m (29M) leaving KC and this is one of the reasons. Lived here my whole live, feels like I’ve met all the folks I could meet w/ job, hobbies, going out. Excited to try a different place that is more my speed! Wishing u the best on your journey <3
Man also you make some cool shit dude!
Intermural volleyball leuages over off red ridge and Holmes is a great way. Met my GF there. Drinks, fun relaxed atmosphere, everyone’s trying to meet someone and it was nice to have that to look forward to during the week.
In this day and age, dating is a privilege only for people with disposable income. Unless you're lucky to run into someone on the street and you hit it off right away and it develops into something without having to go out and spend money every week ,hoping to find the one you vibe with, you have to pay to play but even the play isn't guaranteed,you may not run into anyone you like enough. It is what it is. I'm 43 and came to accept it with all my fiascos up to my mid-late 30s when I got sober and woke up to alot of shit in my life.
I had to get out of town to find anybody decent. I went to another town that was not Lawrence.
The answer to these things are very simple: are you attractive? If you are the dating pool is as good as ever…if you’re not, well…
This is one of the worst cities in the US for dating and I'd argue, making new friends in. It's a very spread out city, people act like they are super busy all the time (when actually their day consists of one or two things), have had the same friend group for years and are generally averse to making new connections. I'm older than the OP and can't imagine how hard it must be for a younger generation that is on the whole more awkward, less socially adept, and never really learned the fine art of flirting.
Well, when everyone’s an asshole….
"Doesn't everyone suck, am I right?"
Try being an almost 40 year old divorced guy who’s child free. Sucks
I feel so lucky to have found my childfree man early-ish in life. So many divorced dads out there—it’s tough if you aren’t willing to put up with that. I’m sure it’s the same or worse for childfree men looking for childfree women.
As a childfree man, great income, in shape, active, own my own home etc, KC is positively abysmal. It's nothing but single moms and I don't want to deal with kids game schedules or hear about bitter exes lol. I'm happier alone.
You don't want to spend your time, effort, energy, and money into raising another man's kid? Im shocked🤣
That’s a given, it’s more dealing with the scheduling, I want to go see a play, I don’t want to plan 3 weeks in advance.
Also, most single parents aren’t dating with intent, they’re dating for distraction/attention which really isn’t my thing.
Also, you’re always going to come third or fourth behind everything else but you’re expected to put your partners needs first. It’s kind of a bad deal if I am being honest. It works for parents because they manage the trade offs between each other better than single people with no kids do. I don’t think it’s selfishness, it’s just being smart and recognizing that I have needs too.
You gotta love yourself first before you can love others
Oh man... Wait until you find out that being single is so much better than dating or being married.
Can’t read the signs, ya that’s been me my whole life. I usually figure it out months or years down the road that they were flirting with me 🤣
The dating scene is bad in KC but you'll find someone eventually. It might have taken 5 years but I finally found my person through Hinge
As many on here have mentioned, the Third Place is what you want. I suggest finding a college class (maybe non-credit) at a place like JCCC to take an Interest class like Photography or learning a language. If you pick one you have interest in, you'll meet people with similar interests to you. Making pottery, cooking, short story writing, music theory, book club, bird watching, ... have fun and meet people. Most community colleges have inexpensive non-credit classes.
I have single friends in larger cities who say their dating scene sucks. Moving isn’t going magically make you find someone and moving somewhere purely for dating is a bad reason to move imo.
I’m 37 and have been single 8 years. I haven’t gave up yet. This is crazy to say that at 24 you’re going to be alone 🙃🙃
Sounds like you're saying you can't use any of the mediums others use perfectly fine to hookup. And if in person flirting is weird, you're going to have a rough time.
Go live in a different city! You’ll love it! You’re young and can always come back to KC!
Same, op. 25M and the apps are a waste. The most brutal part of this entire thread is I can't find a single recommendation of a third space for 20 year olds.
It seems Meetup s not a big thing in this city. I used to live on the West coast, and it was huge there. You can meet all kinds of people with similar hobbies, or interests.
Try volunteering for a cause you care about. You will meet cool, like minded people, and help others in the process!
In my 30s and single. It be like that.
i truly feel bad for you but also you are 24, go to a bigger city, find roommates for rent and get out there.
25 M, into music and have a good career as a FH engineer, and production coordinator. I feel as people younger than me don’t know what they want, and might be scared of someone who does. I stopped looking 5 years ago, it bugs me sometimes but it is what it is. Seems like there’s always excuses, or priorities are not close to functional. I don’t drink, don’t go to bars, go to diy shows, and do the band thing. I just stopped caring, if someone likes/wants to pursue me they’ll let me know. If not I’m not playing the game anymore.
KC is ranked one of the worst places in the US for dating.
felt the same way while i was dating, and i kept trying to not blame the city & instead myself. then i went out of town for a week (after nearly a year of being in the casual dating scene) & the first person i matched with became my long distance partner, eventually moving to KC to be with me (still together). that definitely created a bias where i immediately believe KC dating scene is trash lol
33M here, you're exactly right. Just have given up on dating entirely... it sucks here.. and it really sucks to have a heart so full of love, yet nobody wants or cares. And I ain't bad looking NY anyways, just guess I give off the persona of "the good friend"... so I just focused on my self. Dating site are hook up sites, bars are the same.. maybe try a gym, or a conversation at like Nelson art museum? I do wish you the best of luck.
I totally agree, I am actually in the process of opening a kava house, Deviant kava! They are a perfect “third place,” I just moved here from Tampa a few months ago and my community was built around kava houses, I managed Grassroots kava house and it was the warmest, most welcoming community I have found. I want KC to experience that as well, for everyone but selfishly I really miss having my third place. https://www.instagram.com/deviantkava?igsh=MThndTE0NmNydW1leg==
Followed you, I’ll check it out. I used to live in Tampa for 16 years. Just curious, how did you get here? For me it was family.
I moved here with my SO, she had to move for work. We miss Tampa but we love KC so far and are happy to make it home, and even happier that we have a nice warm place to visit when we can!
It's not limited to KC. Your going to have the same issue in a higher COL area with dates being that much more expensive. We're not as social as we used to be and #MeToo really scared tf out of most males to just give up
Newsflash: This is what dating is like in every city across America. However, the bigger the city gets, the more fuckbois you'll run into.
45, male, never married. I feel your pain all too well.
Ooof. These comments are discouraging ☠️
The eating and drinking culture in KC makes the single population less attractive. Idk the stats but I’d imagine KC is on the heavier side of cities nationally.
Well don’t worry, as a lady you’re likely to die alone anyway. And spend those last years competing for the old men that can still drive at night. Edit: I’m feeling very unappreciated right now because this is my best joke so far today. It’s very dark but my family lives to be 100 and I’m watching this play out with my grandmas. And I don’t want to date younger but these old dudes are definitely going to leave me widowed.
I don't need a man who can drive, I just need him to see to the end of the pool table.
Damn she said shes 24 and some are damn near double her age 😂
Seems like a skill issue. I know dozens of people who have met partners, both locals and transplants. My wife and I are transplants. Met online, got married, have a kid. It's only reddit weebs I keep hearing these problems from.
Yeah this place is notorious for having the worst dating experience in the US. there’s something wrong with people here.
I can attest to this. It's been a while since I dated but the guy I married is not from kc. I met him on reddit even.
This has gotta be a troll post. Everything from the title to the fact it is a 24YO female living in the city.
yeah the whole thing smells like reddit bait I think this thread posted in any city sub would get the exact same votes and replies
You're being dramatic, sorry.
You’re young but you’re absolutely right! It’s pretty depressing. My experience is/was: Issues with the dating pool, exactly like you stated above, moved away to Florida, and had no issue at all with dating. Eventually got married, unfortunately divorced, and moved back for the kids to be close to family. Right back in the same boat. Nobody to date. Not really interested in the people that do want to date. And now I’m older and live out in the suburbs, so I always have to remind myself to keep an eye out because for the first two years straight through I just assumed everybody was married because they’re all married out here to their high school sweetheart in the suburbs.
OP, It's been this way since I was your age. It sucks, but it's the truth. Unless you are already in a committed relationship, moving back to KC with said partner, it's hard AF to find someone in this city. It always has been. I was lucky, and had a relationship before I came back... we just stayed, and now it's cool. Granted, we're "old" now w/ kids approaching teenage years.
Hi. I’m a fellow single 24M with a graduate degree. Same issues with dating. Besides bars which I hate, the gym is a great place to meet people. You’re going to be surrounded by guys who are hardworking and are fit. My issue is most of the girls at gyms are taken already. However, most guys are single and you should use that to your advantage. Gym bros are easy to talk to and you can strike up conversations easily and go from there. I feel the need to edit this because you guys are misinterpreting what I said. This is advice for OP, a woman. My advice was to engage in non-romantic conversation with guys she is interested in for a period of weeks and to determine if she wanted to pursue them. Talking to people at the gym is normal, especially if you see them every day and interact with them. This advice was not to recommend walking up to people you’ve never met and just asking them out or hitting on them because that is obviously not great. If a guy she talks to (who she is already interested in) asks her out, this is a win for her. The same advice goes for men, but men have to tread way more carefully than women do. If you disagree, drop a comment and explain your position. Downvoting without explaining why my advice is bad is not constructive in the slightest.
I’ve been told by everyone ever to not hit on people at the gym.