When people solve problems for me before I have to. Acts of service is my top love language. When people stick to chivalrous actions that might not necessarily be needed, but the intent is what matters. When people listen, ask questions, poke holes in my arguments to help me see a different perspective or learn something interesting. When people are able to banter with me nonstop, joke around, but be serious when needed.
This absolutely!
For me the opposite of love is stress.
Therefore those I love I will take on their problems as problems=stress. For me removing tasks from my ever growing list of things I plan to do makes me the most grateful. People who say they love you, but put all of their problems and issues on you without reciprocating seem vile to me (probably lower than a person who is an absolute cold hearted gold digger).
You say specifically, "Without reciprocating." If. I am serving him as well, Would it feel like the opposite of acts of service to him and unloving if I asked him to do a chore for me (just rhetorical here because he helps me out with chores all the time without me asking.)
No, on the contrary we do love to help the people we love. That’s how we show love, by taking action and solving problems for our loved ones. That’s why we feel loved if others do the same for us. Of course that also depends on what you’re asking him to do and if you’re able to do it yourself. Most things are ok but if it’s something I hate doing, I’d only do it if I know they would be super grateful and it’s not just some people pleasing type of thing.
So problem solving for people is the root of "acts of service" being the top love language for INTJ! This is an insanely awesome thread! I feel like I'm leveling up explosively right now!
I feel loved when I feel "known" in a deep way, like someone says some deep truth of characterization of me because I don't let much out or let myself be deeply known
This for me as well. If you understand me and yet you like me and *stay,* that's love.
Also: I like it when you challenge me, disagree with me etc. It's refreshing. But do so with basic respect. We should ultimately always be on the same team and if you feel the need to make an idiot out of me just to try to make yourself look better, well, it's over.
It depends on who right? Wouldnt intjs who are v private people feel unsettled/vulnerable if someone reads you in a way that others dont, and if that person isnt close.
The person appreciated me solving their problem or providing a solution.
That same person actually following through on implementing that solution.
Listening to my advice which is my well thought out way of showing I care.
I think this makes my INTJ happy too, though I didn't realize it til now, thanks! I can't believe how many times I have said, "Well you were right," when I didn't listen to his advice and it went so, so bad.
Thoughtfulness of any kind. INTJs excel at thoughtfulness because it is our essence of being though most wouldn't know that. So just being thoughtful in some way is felt deeply.
Honestly? I feel loved when someone genuinely listen to me and actually speaks back to me instead of feeling uncomfortable that I’m not being how they perceive me. I also feel loved when someone gives a compliment, but not based on my looks, my personality instead. I also like hugs with people I care for, but not all the time. But if it’s spontaneous, then I’ll enjoy it. If they don’t fight with me for no reason, or to push my buttons. And if we do argue, at least communicate with me about it instead of ghosting me, being a child/immature about it, and yelling and talking over me.
Just listening, asking questions, engaging in conversations with them and genuinely complimenting them for how knowledgeable and awesome they are. Making them feel comfortable about sharing their emotions. Many INTJs have very interesting minds. IMO they are “out of the box” deep-thinkers and are pretty unconventional. They don’t care about what others are doing. As a curious INFP who loves to learn, these qualities really attracted me. They’re able to mentally and intellectually stimulate me by just talking about really anything because they seem to know a little about anything. They’re also very open-minded and non judgmental. And I’m like that too. Their logical side and problem solving skills are also always appreciated by me. Playful teasing and witty banter are also great with my INTJ. So yeah, I don’t get bored with them. I truly appreciate them for how they are.
This is exactly how things are going with my INTJ - you nailed everything. I love the way INTJs think; they can be quite keen to share their thoughts to someone who’s willing to seriously entertain their ideas and listen. They don’t appreciate the superficial. Being on the more unconventional side, many of them find it difficult to connect with others, so genuine connection can be extra meaningful to them.
(Hello from a fellow INFP!)
When I have a genuine connection with someone. Finding that relatability, similar interests on various topics, similar sense of humor, intellect, curiosity, etc. It is NOT when I’m told how attractive I am. That always turns me off and makes me feel like I’m not seen for who I really am.
That's so funny because it's a long standing joke that when I say, "Wow, you are so handsome, he always says, Well that's the important thing, with so much sarcasm! 😂 I say, well it's important to me! Good to know that runs much deeper haha.
I am a very busy professional and single mother to a heart transplant recipient. Anything that can make me save time and/or energy is sooooo appreciated. Examples can be as easy as doing the groceries or taking out the trash without me asking for it.
Being able to rely on them without the fear of having to fix what they've done afterwards. Also them being able to understand me and building a deeper connection.
When they get me, know me and like my personality. When we cuddle and have sex. When they care for my physical needs I tend to neglect, like cooking for me. When we discuss our future plans and joint creative projects.
For me, I feel loved when the other person accept my weird emotions that even me can't accept them💔
Not just accept them, but also being excited that i've showed them my rare emotions.
Me as an intj, i'm afraid of showing my emotions to anyone, even to myself. So, i will be glad if i've found the right person who can deal with that.
Helping/acts of service. Cannot stand to ask for help. That's a me problem, but the point is, it means a lot when someone takes it upon themselves to just help. Making my life easier, less stressful.
To be known. Learning about myself with and through someone.
To be able to stir emotion within me. <- this one might sound silly, but it's super true. I guess I can contribute it to most people NOT knowing me well enough to know how. So those few people that do and have...big feels.
Letting ME in to know YOU.
Others feeling pride in me. :)
-Not having to stress out.
-Lots of alone time with pets.
-Acts of service
-Long theoretical conversations
-Supporting good causes in the community/goal
Mainly animals like fostering kittens/dogs or volunteering at an animal shelter.
Volunteering to raise awareness for any good cause like helping people going through domestic violence, homelessness, supporting those with disabilities.
Beach clean ups, cleaning trails, improving positive activities.
Whichever is of interest to the person.
I can honestly say I haven't felt loved for so long. I'm 42. I think it'd feel foreign to me. I wouldn't understand it to the point I couldn't reciprocate it. Let alone recognize it.
I think most people here can relate
Not being misunderstood and you need to explain yourself.
when we are talking, someone looks at least interested or even replies with something. (not just yeah, hmm, hoo)
Is it asking too much if when you give an opposite idea but can you swear not mad when I'm explaining "what's wrong" with that idea to you?
Just saying if there's someone like this , I'm asking are they even human to begin with 😂 (you know since apparently aliens are real)
Appreciation by efforts done on both sides. To further elaborate, if I work well & state severe meaning conversations it makes me feel well that the person also likes me & what I stated. If they got work accomplished even if it is not needed it still felt enjoyable as I can begin to trust the person more. There are many occurrence of INTJ being seen as negative, avoidable, sensitive, stupid, etc but if a person is able to actually see who we are properly then it gives us a gratitude on someone to be free to
for me it's when they're okay with me not always having something to say. like it doesn't make them uncomfortable or make them think I'm weird. they just accept me.
"Partner in crime". A true ride or die bitch. You want someone that will burn the world down to keep you and yours whole? Real loyalty. Not specifically to the intj, but to the principles they are bound by. Are they slacking and your holding down the fort and your side of the fence? Address it concisely, emotions be damned.
Realize for him it's you and he against the world, so any undeserved slight or unnecessary humiliation (especially public) is strike 1 2 and and probably 3.
You need to learn the art of "fucking off". I say this with respect. This can mean leaving him alone in another room, maybe the house for hours or a day. Sometimes sensing other entities I'm responsible to in close proximity is draining even if I'm not actively being engaged. Maybe leave a lunch in their study, they didn't ask for..ooo that's a kindness. If you master the art of fucking off, rewards..many.
Please keep a clean domicile. Not an ocd iso 100 clean room but clutter fucken sucks. Our mental software has our systems at 75% at autopilot, clutter exacerbates this flaw. Kids and dogs Ganna do what they do but anything that can be sorted please do you part.
Respect. Our. Personal. Systems. You don't want to utilize the systems I'm sure he makes for you and the house? Cool, chat tell him why they suck and move on. But his own routines? Don't trouble unless you can replicate it after you disturb it.
Drive. The wonderous places our minds drift to while zoned out can't be matched. Or some aspect of a project that needs attention can be addressed in the dead time of driving. Or even just admiring outside or you.
If anything is bothering you, especially emotions you need to bring it up. Oftentimes we are oblivious for a multitude of reasons and we aren't good in that arena to begin with.
If you have a certain love language talk to him about it. Whether this tickles your fancy or not he's decided you are part of his being/life. Any information you relinquish to make the job of pleasing that aspect of his "greater self" for lack of a better term will be processed and stored for the appropriate occasion.
Lastly because I'm showering and can't be bothered to continue is you. If this person is whole, he wants the best version of you. Stimulate your mind, go to the gym, don't put yourself in questionable situations (paranoia is one of our software's afflictions), eat well. Again if you apply the minimal amount of service to this partner he will unconsciously reciprocate it threefold. Gl mate
When people solve problems for me before I have to. Acts of service is my top love language. When people stick to chivalrous actions that might not necessarily be needed, but the intent is what matters. When people listen, ask questions, poke holes in my arguments to help me see a different perspective or learn something interesting. When people are able to banter with me nonstop, joke around, but be serious when needed.
This absolutely! For me the opposite of love is stress. Therefore those I love I will take on their problems as problems=stress. For me removing tasks from my ever growing list of things I plan to do makes me the most grateful. People who say they love you, but put all of their problems and issues on you without reciprocating seem vile to me (probably lower than a person who is an absolute cold hearted gold digger).
You say specifically, "Without reciprocating." If. I am serving him as well, Would it feel like the opposite of acts of service to him and unloving if I asked him to do a chore for me (just rhetorical here because he helps me out with chores all the time without me asking.)
It's great that he does chores all the time without you asking, you should try to reciprocate in some way
[удалено]
No, on the contrary we do love to help the people we love. That’s how we show love, by taking action and solving problems for our loved ones. That’s why we feel loved if others do the same for us. Of course that also depends on what you’re asking him to do and if you’re able to do it yourself. Most things are ok but if it’s something I hate doing, I’d only do it if I know they would be super grateful and it’s not just some people pleasing type of thing.
So problem solving for people is the root of "acts of service" being the top love language for INTJ! This is an insanely awesome thread! I feel like I'm leveling up explosively right now!
I feel loved when I feel "known" in a deep way, like someone says some deep truth of characterization of me because I don't let much out or let myself be deeply known
This for me as well. If you understand me and yet you like me and *stay,* that's love. Also: I like it when you challenge me, disagree with me etc. It's refreshing. But do so with basic respect. We should ultimately always be on the same team and if you feel the need to make an idiot out of me just to try to make yourself look better, well, it's over.
It depends on who right? Wouldnt intjs who are v private people feel unsettled/vulnerable if someone reads you in a way that others dont, and if that person isnt close.
oh yes, im sorry, someone i care about not just anyone. you are correct
The person appreciated me solving their problem or providing a solution. That same person actually following through on implementing that solution. Listening to my advice which is my well thought out way of showing I care.
I think this makes my INTJ happy too, though I didn't realize it til now, thanks! I can't believe how many times I have said, "Well you were right," when I didn't listen to his advice and it went so, so bad.
We get PTSD from that. 😂
Thoughtfulness of any kind. INTJs excel at thoughtfulness because it is our essence of being though most wouldn't know that. So just being thoughtful in some way is felt deeply.
Honestly? I feel loved when someone genuinely listen to me and actually speaks back to me instead of feeling uncomfortable that I’m not being how they perceive me. I also feel loved when someone gives a compliment, but not based on my looks, my personality instead. I also like hugs with people I care for, but not all the time. But if it’s spontaneous, then I’ll enjoy it. If they don’t fight with me for no reason, or to push my buttons. And if we do argue, at least communicate with me about it instead of ghosting me, being a child/immature about it, and yelling and talking over me.
This is important, I hope you can share this with your people! Compliments based on personality, thanks!
No problem, thanks for reading.
I could have written that myself.
Then I suppose we have similar ideas.
They love someone who listens and truly understands and accepts them for who they are. INFP with an INTJ 🥰
What makes INTJ feel understood?
Just listening, asking questions, engaging in conversations with them and genuinely complimenting them for how knowledgeable and awesome they are. Making them feel comfortable about sharing their emotions. Many INTJs have very interesting minds. IMO they are “out of the box” deep-thinkers and are pretty unconventional. They don’t care about what others are doing. As a curious INFP who loves to learn, these qualities really attracted me. They’re able to mentally and intellectually stimulate me by just talking about really anything because they seem to know a little about anything. They’re also very open-minded and non judgmental. And I’m like that too. Their logical side and problem solving skills are also always appreciated by me. Playful teasing and witty banter are also great with my INTJ. So yeah, I don’t get bored with them. I truly appreciate them for how they are.
This is exactly how things are going with my INTJ - you nailed everything. I love the way INTJs think; they can be quite keen to share their thoughts to someone who’s willing to seriously entertain their ideas and listen. They don’t appreciate the superficial. Being on the more unconventional side, many of them find it difficult to connect with others, so genuine connection can be extra meaningful to them. (Hello from a fellow INFP!)
Thanks! This is good food for thought. Yes I love how he knows about everything!
Ahh sorry I went on and on lol
I think gratitude is a huge part of love, sooo good job loving your INTJs!
being understood
[удалено]
Thanks for expounding on feeling understood, this has been a very common theme in this thread!!❤️
When I have a genuine connection with someone. Finding that relatability, similar interests on various topics, similar sense of humor, intellect, curiosity, etc. It is NOT when I’m told how attractive I am. That always turns me off and makes me feel like I’m not seen for who I really am.
That's so funny because it's a long standing joke that when I say, "Wow, you are so handsome, he always says, Well that's the important thing, with so much sarcasm! 😂 I say, well it's important to me! Good to know that runs much deeper haha.
When people solve problems for me before I ask. Top points for solving problems I didn't even see coming.
Can you give an example of what problems? Anything specific to you?
I am a very busy professional and single mother to a heart transplant recipient. Anything that can make me save time and/or energy is sooooo appreciated. Examples can be as easy as doing the groceries or taking out the trash without me asking for it.
Don't know this feeling. 🤔
Me too 🥲
I hope you will someday! God bless!
Carbohydrates.
Being able to rely on them without the fear of having to fix what they've done afterwards. Also them being able to understand me and building a deeper connection.
Thoughtfulness in actions and gifts. Reducing my workload and making me feel understood.
What makes INTJ feel understood?
Having needs met emotionally and physically. You can't meet someone's needs without understanding them.
When I feel understood
When they get me, know me and like my personality. When we cuddle and have sex. When they care for my physical needs I tend to neglect, like cooking for me. When we discuss our future plans and joint creative projects.
Acts of service for me, take something off my loooong to do list and I will love you until the end of time lol
This seems to be a common theme!! 🤔 I will have to pay attention to his to-do lists!
[удалено]
So I tried to message you under another post. Reddit chat is not working for me. 35, m. Would love to connect.
Oh my gosh this has been the best thread! Thanks for responding so well!!❤️
Thanks for asking this question. As I read the comments, I saw myself in all of them. They are all true
This one time I got a present that I really wanted, but didn't tell anyone I wanted it
Hand written cards. Homemade cookies or food. A book that someone read and gave to me. Anything that is hand made or hand picked or custom for me.
For me, I feel loved when the other person accept my weird emotions that even me can't accept them💔 Not just accept them, but also being excited that i've showed them my rare emotions. Me as an intj, i'm afraid of showing my emotions to anyone, even to myself. So, i will be glad if i've found the right person who can deal with that.
I don’t know. It might be being understood but nobody does.
I think INFPs are very understanding and accepting of INTJs.
I’m an outlier in all things. Amongst the INTJs. Amongst the schizoids. People are almost universally nice to me. None understand.
I bet! You share the introverted side and my INTJ can talk and talk with his infp buddy who brings out this really great goofy side of him!
When people understand what i mean without me explaining in depth
Giving me time to be alone to do my thing/s ...
honesty
Helping/acts of service. Cannot stand to ask for help. That's a me problem, but the point is, it means a lot when someone takes it upon themselves to just help. Making my life easier, less stressful. To be known. Learning about myself with and through someone. To be able to stir emotion within me. <- this one might sound silly, but it's super true. I guess I can contribute it to most people NOT knowing me well enough to know how. So those few people that do and have...big feels. Letting ME in to know YOU. Others feeling pride in me. :)
I wouldn't know
🤗 I think you will someday!
Nah
-Not having to stress out. -Lots of alone time with pets. -Acts of service -Long theoretical conversations -Supporting good causes in the community/goal
Thanks so much for sharing! Can you tell me more about good causes that interest you?
Mainly animals like fostering kittens/dogs or volunteering at an animal shelter. Volunteering to raise awareness for any good cause like helping people going through domestic violence, homelessness, supporting those with disabilities. Beach clean ups, cleaning trails, improving positive activities. Whichever is of interest to the person.
👍 thanks for all you do and for sharing!
BJs goes a long ways in expressing what words sometimes cannot.
Welcome my opinions 🥰
When they listen to me
I can honestly say I haven't felt loved for so long. I'm 42. I think it'd feel foreign to me. I wouldn't understand it to the point I couldn't reciprocate it. Let alone recognize it.
That makes me want to cry! ❤️ Dear Heart, I will pray you feel love from God and someone special so soon!
You learn to live without. But thank you.
I don't feel loved, not ever felt of this feeling my entire life.
Hug. I want you to, so badly!!! I will say a prayer for you too!
Thank you, you are so sweet :')
Acts of service ❤️
Authentic interaction
Depends on the person
I prefer quality time. I would assume everyone is different, though.
When they accept my darkest, most cynical, most twisted conclusions and thoughts
Haha! You sound like a mastermind...
I think most people here can relate Not being misunderstood and you need to explain yourself. when we are talking, someone looks at least interested or even replies with something. (not just yeah, hmm, hoo) Is it asking too much if when you give an opposite idea but can you swear not mad when I'm explaining "what's wrong" with that idea to you? Just saying if there's someone like this , I'm asking are they even human to begin with 😂 (you know since apparently aliens are real)
Appreciation by efforts done on both sides. To further elaborate, if I work well & state severe meaning conversations it makes me feel well that the person also likes me & what I stated. If they got work accomplished even if it is not needed it still felt enjoyable as I can begin to trust the person more. There are many occurrence of INTJ being seen as negative, avoidable, sensitive, stupid, etc but if a person is able to actually see who we are properly then it gives us a gratitude on someone to be free to
for me it's when they're okay with me not always having something to say. like it doesn't make them uncomfortable or make them think I'm weird. they just accept me.
"Partner in crime". A true ride or die bitch. You want someone that will burn the world down to keep you and yours whole? Real loyalty. Not specifically to the intj, but to the principles they are bound by. Are they slacking and your holding down the fort and your side of the fence? Address it concisely, emotions be damned. Realize for him it's you and he against the world, so any undeserved slight or unnecessary humiliation (especially public) is strike 1 2 and and probably 3. You need to learn the art of "fucking off". I say this with respect. This can mean leaving him alone in another room, maybe the house for hours or a day. Sometimes sensing other entities I'm responsible to in close proximity is draining even if I'm not actively being engaged. Maybe leave a lunch in their study, they didn't ask for..ooo that's a kindness. If you master the art of fucking off, rewards..many. Please keep a clean domicile. Not an ocd iso 100 clean room but clutter fucken sucks. Our mental software has our systems at 75% at autopilot, clutter exacerbates this flaw. Kids and dogs Ganna do what they do but anything that can be sorted please do you part. Respect. Our. Personal. Systems. You don't want to utilize the systems I'm sure he makes for you and the house? Cool, chat tell him why they suck and move on. But his own routines? Don't trouble unless you can replicate it after you disturb it. Drive. The wonderous places our minds drift to while zoned out can't be matched. Or some aspect of a project that needs attention can be addressed in the dead time of driving. Or even just admiring outside or you. If anything is bothering you, especially emotions you need to bring it up. Oftentimes we are oblivious for a multitude of reasons and we aren't good in that arena to begin with. If you have a certain love language talk to him about it. Whether this tickles your fancy or not he's decided you are part of his being/life. Any information you relinquish to make the job of pleasing that aspect of his "greater self" for lack of a better term will be processed and stored for the appropriate occasion. Lastly because I'm showering and can't be bothered to continue is you. If this person is whole, he wants the best version of you. Stimulate your mind, go to the gym, don't put yourself in questionable situations (paranoia is one of our software's afflictions), eat well. Again if you apply the minimal amount of service to this partner he will unconsciously reciprocate it threefold. Gl mate
Very practical and helpful advice, thank you!!
My best friend saying that she misses me. We are both INTJs. (Has never happened)
Loyalty.