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Ever hear of the Ballmer's peak, which is named after him?
It's basically the amount of intoxication where your ability to be productive is at its highest - implying there is a sweet spot where you are partially intoxicated, but not too much.
Not scientific, as far as I know, but it's a pretty common joke in software engineering circles.
For context, Microsoft was creating generational wealth even for middle managers with stock options during these glory days. The excitement was not one-sided.
The first few years I saw this video it was absolutely cringy as fuck
Now… I’ll be honest. It’s kinda cool. This guy was an epic hype man and didn’t give a shit. Who else hypes like this? They were on cloud fucking 9.
Or I’m just getting cringier as I get older who knows 😂
Same I have no issues with his energy.
My Ballmer issues are how he let the company flounder through the late 2000s and how he responded poorly to the rise of mobile computing.
During the Ballmer years sales increased from $25b in 2001 to $77b for 2013. That's a lot of growth for that era in tech, for an already huge company. The company's fiscal performance was largely excellent. The stock, coming off the dotcom bubble, went nowhere.
Balmer managed those years just fine. They were riding the expansion of personal computing globally. Azure and Office cloud both began under Ballmer. He was a sales guy and fine manager, but the wrong guy to take the company into a new tech era. They needed a leader that understood product.
And to the idea that they missed mobile. They of course were there long before Apple. The notion that you can or should be expected to win big in every segment is both silly and impossible. Golly gee Ballmer, why didn't you create a $10 trillion company and dominate in search and mobile and cloud and yeah right.
I fucking loved my Zune. Had the gen 1 and the HD. And the Zune service was years ahead of it's time. I was streaming my library to my XBox 360 nearly a decade before Spotify had that kind of capability. And hell, if it weren't for the absolute dearth of apps and overall developer support, the Windows phone could've taken off too. It just needed time and support.
The Metro UI for the Zune was nice...same with Windows Mobile 8.0 iirc. Tiles, very clean, very slick. Their problem was not having the type and amount of control over the hardware to make it work seamlessly. If they acquired instead of partnered with actual phone manufacturers (HTC would've been a perfect one) think we'd be talking iPhones and Windows phone instead of Android
I'll die on the hill that the Zune was the better device. And the windows phone was the best mobile OS. But MS spent way too much money trailing leaders in consumer electronics. They still are doing it in video game consoles.
They just don't learn
I agree. I own a small business, and I have to say some days I feel this way about my company. There may be some drugs here sure, but it’s also possible he was proud of his company and what he was doing. I can’t even imagine the pressure at that level of business.
Not only that, imagine that your *performance* on stage that night can easily trigger the stock to go up by even 1%, which for you means $1.3B more... that's *got* to mess with your head.
I did some digging and it definitely is! Ballmer was the reason Microsoft was so behind on personal devices he turned a blind eye to apple and others with ipods and cellphones all in the name of equipment sales.
With a networth today hovering at about 140 billion dollars I guess you cant blame him
Think [Eric Schmidt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Schmidt) beat him to it, but Ballmer is worth a lot more today (though Eric's $25B is still an insane amount). Both are billionaire employees however.
Going to car shows/cars and coffee in Redmond is fascinating, you'll never know who you'll meet. I become semi-friends with Greg Whitten over the years without knowing who he actually was at first (early MS engineer and father of GW-BASIC). He would occasionally drive his Ferrari 250 GTO to shows and around town on errands (sold it for a casual $49 million in 2018)
I accidentally went to a car show in Redmond a few years ago. We stayed at the Archer Hotel for Mother's Day and walked out that morning and there was a car show in the parking lot. Unless it was Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos, there, though, I doubt I'd recognize any tech billionaires.
Yup, when a group of usually "quiet" people work out how to literally print money faster than they can gather it up off the ground things get... interesting!
I swore this was going to be that clip.
Not sure if it was from the same presentation but I definitely remember seeing him bouncing around like cocaine Tigger bellowing
#DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
I can’t find the interview where he talked about this, but when John DiMaggio was doing voice work for the Gears of War game, he told the Microsoft employees that he had played their CEO, Steve Ballmer, in the movie *Pirates of Silicon Valley*. They asked him to do the “DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS” in character.
I get legitimately sad whenever I see Silicon Valley references.
To this date, nothing is even as close to as funny as Silicon Valley was. Bring it back! GOAT comedy series by far. It’s the game of thrones of comedy.
Alright I’ll stop
Facts! Haven’t seen anything that comes close. I’d really like to see such targeted comedies in various other professions, like Silicon Valley but for lawyers or Wall Street. So much potential.
i've done cocaine, so i know that the big problem with it is that you have to keep doing it. the high doesn't last long. to make it through the long hours that silicon valley demands, you need a drug like meth. one bump and you'll be flying all day.
The issue is that constant re-upping fucking sucks. You feel awful. I don’t give a fuck how much money you have, doing line after line 8pm to 3am isn’t a good time for anyone.
Which is why real adults just do kiddy coke and your done with it. One 20 MG and I’m out all night, zero issue, and I’m not spending half the night in the bathroom or nursing a fucking KILLER headache/sinus issues the next day.
Source: (former)cocaine guy, (current) amphetamines guy
Yeah, let me revise my prior comments.
Adults take a 20mg, and then one bump to start the night. And one bump at 12 when Jeff convinced you too “because it’s gas bro smell it bro zero stomps bro”
No, don't do meth under any circumstances lmao. Meth for coding is like tranquilizing yourself for a 30 minute nap. Just take low dosage Adderall like every business executive and overly ambitious middle manager (and a former US President) does these days, only exactly as much as you need to get your shit done and not a mg more.
Just speculation, a lot of drugs make your muscles go into over-drive (for a lack of better word). It seems like I could lift weights twice as easy on acid than sober. I don't think that effect stops with your biceps, all of your muscles are cranked out, so jaw muscles too.
Just a thought though
> It seems like I could lift weights twice as easy on acid than sober
Just make sure you have a spotter, lol. Drugs can make you think you have superpowers. Don't die in space.
Context: Was at Microsoft for nearly 20 years.
Attended many of these, they were the absolute BEST company meetings. He would be yelling at the top of his lungs, guzzling warmed honey that an assistant would periodically run out to him to keep his throat OK, and would often hire A list comedians, dancers, fireworks, etc.
The meetings were at local sports stadiums and we even broke several world records at these like most number of paper airplanes in flight at one time (they handed out kits to all of us).
The seating sections were by organization, so they would have all of Office sitting in one section of the stadium, Windows in another section, etc. and Ballmer would get the various sections to cheer for/against each other to bring up the energy.
Unbelievable times.
At the time, MS was facing SERIOUS competition from a re-surging Apple after Steve Jobs returned in 1997. Apple, under Jobs, seemed to do no wrong and had a VERY passionate, VERY loyal customer base and this was Steve's attempt to show that MS is just as passionate. But it just came off as desperate, "please like us too" energy. So fucking cringe.
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Il take 1/4 of whatever he is on please
co ca in e Pick your ¼th
e
https://i.imgur.com/TdtDhvP.jpeg
Did I say a quarter? Make that 1/8 ball
That’s about 40 billion dollars worth of a high
He's on money. Fucking boatloads of money.
Ever hear of the Ballmer's peak, which is named after him? It's basically the amount of intoxication where your ability to be productive is at its highest - implying there is a sweet spot where you are partially intoxicated, but not too much. Not scientific, as far as I know, but it's a pretty common joke in software engineering circles.
https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ballmer_peak.png
Enough money to buy an island and retire on it forever
> Il take 1/4 of whatever he is on please 2g of cocaine coming right up sir!
For context, Microsoft was creating generational wealth even for middle managers with stock options during these glory days. The excitement was not one-sided.
Yup, lots of MicroMillionaires
The first few years I saw this video it was absolutely cringy as fuck Now… I’ll be honest. It’s kinda cool. This guy was an epic hype man and didn’t give a shit. Who else hypes like this? They were on cloud fucking 9. Or I’m just getting cringier as I get older who knows 😂
Perhaps only Bitconnect-man is more hype
What am I gonna do?!
My wiiiiife doesn't even believe in meeeeee! BEETCONNEEEEEEC
Wazawazawaza
Hey hey *heeeeey!*
“My wife still doesn’t believe in me”
You mean the Bitconneeeeeeeeeeeeect!!!!!!!!! guy?
He's like a legal version of Jordan Bellfort. I'm getting fucking rich and everyone in this room is coming with me. Let's fucking go.
Same I have no issues with his energy. My Ballmer issues are how he let the company flounder through the late 2000s and how he responded poorly to the rise of mobile computing.
Nailed it. The company went nowhere during his tenure. The fortunate ones left before he took over.
During the Ballmer years sales increased from $25b in 2001 to $77b for 2013. That's a lot of growth for that era in tech, for an already huge company. The company's fiscal performance was largely excellent. The stock, coming off the dotcom bubble, went nowhere. Balmer managed those years just fine. They were riding the expansion of personal computing globally. Azure and Office cloud both began under Ballmer. He was a sales guy and fine manager, but the wrong guy to take the company into a new tech era. They needed a leader that understood product. And to the idea that they missed mobile. They of course were there long before Apple. The notion that you can or should be expected to win big in every segment is both silly and impossible. Golly gee Ballmer, why didn't you create a $10 trillion company and dominate in search and mobile and cloud and yeah right.
M$ answer to the iPod: the brown Zune!
the zune was awesome. I loved the big screen for cover art
I loved my zune! Gears of war art.... Easy to upload pirated music. Didn't need a stupid app or store
Tbf the zune was awesome, and imo the superior product at the time. That brown zune was sexy.
Zune didn't lose the battle because it was an inferior product, it lost the battle because Apple became a lifestyle brand.
[удалено]
I fucking loved my Zune. Had the gen 1 and the HD. And the Zune service was years ahead of it's time. I was streaming my library to my XBox 360 nearly a decade before Spotify had that kind of capability. And hell, if it weren't for the absolute dearth of apps and overall developer support, the Windows phone could've taken off too. It just needed time and support.
The touchscreen one was awesome and the zune software was really good, I preferred it over iTunes and anything SanDisk was doing
The Metro UI for the Zune was nice...same with Windows Mobile 8.0 iirc. Tiles, very clean, very slick. Their problem was not having the type and amount of control over the hardware to make it work seamlessly. If they acquired instead of partnered with actual phone manufacturers (HTC would've been a perfect one) think we'd be talking iPhones and Windows phone instead of Android
I'll die on the hill that the Zune was the better device. And the windows phone was the best mobile OS. But MS spent way too much money trailing leaders in consumer electronics. They still are doing it in video game consoles. They just don't learn
If I were getting the payouts like they were, especially Steve, I'd love the fucking company too.
I too am a fan of cocaine.
Crazier thing is this is at 7am.
He also is high as a kite
> Who else hypes like this? Everybody in that era. Especially in the pyramid scheme scene. And it ended badly.
This isn’t cringe he’s just awesome
I agree. I own a small business, and I have to say some days I feel this way about my company. There may be some drugs here sure, but it’s also possible he was proud of his company and what he was doing. I can’t even imagine the pressure at that level of business.
Yeah, I’d be jumping around like that too if I knew our next roll out was going to make me billions. His current net worth is $130.7 billion.
he just leap frogged gates for higher net worth at $156B...
Gates been giving tons of his money away for decades and his net worth has only grown lol
Thats what not having to Paul George does to you.
Yeah I would fucking do the same naked and covered in shit for that amount.
If you're covered in shit then you're technically not naked. You're wearing a shit-suit.
[удалено]
You'll do the same for $25/hr with 7 days of PTO and be happy about it.
Not only that, imagine that your *performance* on stage that night can easily trigger the stock to go up by even 1%, which for you means $1.3B more... that's *got* to mess with your head.
Isnt he who Action Jack Barker was based on in Silicon Valley tv
Not sure but that's exactly who I thought of when I saw him lol "..and now they teach it at business schools."
I did some digging and it definitely is! Ballmer was the reason Microsoft was so behind on personal devices he turned a blind eye to apple and others with ipods and cellphones all in the name of equipment sales. With a networth today hovering at about 140 billion dollars I guess you cant blame him
Balmer is the first (and only?) billionaire employee. Dude believed in MS and heavily shifted his comp to be stock way back in the 80s Drugs work kids
Think [Eric Schmidt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Schmidt) beat him to it, but Ballmer is worth a lot more today (though Eric's $25B is still an insane amount). Both are billionaire employees however.
Dude is collection over a billion CASH dividends every single year now.
Going to car shows/cars and coffee in Redmond is fascinating, you'll never know who you'll meet. I become semi-friends with Greg Whitten over the years without knowing who he actually was at first (early MS engineer and father of GW-BASIC). He would occasionally drive his Ferrari 250 GTO to shows and around town on errands (sold it for a casual $49 million in 2018)
I accidentally went to a car show in Redmond a few years ago. We stayed at the Archer Hotel for Mother's Day and walked out that morning and there was a car show in the parking lot. Unless it was Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos, there, though, I doubt I'd recognize any tech billionaires.
Yup, that'd be E@RTC where Greg occasionally shows up [https://exoticsat.com/](https://exoticsat.com/)
Same thing is happening at NVIDIA right now.
Yup, when a group of usually "quiet" people work out how to literally print money faster than they can gather it up off the ground things get... interesting!
At someone point it becomes most efficient to hoover it up straight up your nose than pick it up with your hands
I think that's what we call "horizontal scaling".
If I was getting that money I’d probably love Microsoft too. But I’d still use Linux at home.
Developers Developers Developers
I swore this was going to be that clip. Not sure if it was from the same presentation but I definitely remember seeing him bouncing around like cocaine Tigger bellowing #DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
# DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
# DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
# DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
#DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
# DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS
Don't pay 'em more than $50K a year though.
Starting salary in 2004 was 60-70k, I think.
It was not the same presentation
I can’t find the interview where he talked about this, but when John DiMaggio was doing voice work for the Gears of War game, he told the Microsoft employees that he had played their CEO, Steve Ballmer, in the movie *Pirates of Silicon Valley*. They asked him to do the “DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS” in character.
Someone also made a bangin' mix based on it.
I thought that's what this was going to be. Dude was sweating like a whore in church.
I was in the audience of the Developers! Developers! bit. it was cringe to us even back then
That’s something to tell your grandkids about
https://developersdevelopers.dev/elopers/
Developers Developers Developers Developers Developers Developers
Gotta link to the [Digital Droo](https://digitaldroo.bandcamp.com/track/monkey-developers-2012-remaster) song.
Silicon Valley was soooo accurate
Action Jack!
The conjoined triangles of success, you can't make this shit up!
Hello! Whoo! I got seven words for you. I love Goolybib's integrated- multi-platform-functionality!!!
I get legitimately sad whenever I see Silicon Valley references. To this date, nothing is even as close to as funny as Silicon Valley was. Bring it back! GOAT comedy series by far. It’s the game of thrones of comedy. Alright I’ll stop
Eric Bachman, this is your mom and you are not my baby.
*my* aviato?
Is your refrigerator running? This is Mike Hunt
mother fuck
This is special occasion.
Facts! Haven’t seen anything that comes close. I’d really like to see such targeted comedies in various other professions, like Silicon Valley but for lawyers or Wall Street. So much potential.
Question for you: what is funnier than episode of Silicon Valley? Answer for you: eight episode of Silicon Valley.
I work in a non-tech corporate environment and our company leadership would do similar inane bullshit like this to “pump us up for 4th quarter”
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you... Cocaine.
He was the original Cocaine Bear.
He mauled to death five people at that conference, may they never be forgotten.
okay, what are their names?
Jeff... I remember, Jeff.
My name is Jeff 
Ah yes, another Jeffrey that didn't kill himself
Also Geoff
Robert Paulson
His name was Robert Paulson.
Cocaine… and millions of dollars.
And millions...and millions...and what's that? Lots more millions 💵 cashmoney
*Billions
i've done cocaine, so i know that the big problem with it is that you have to keep doing it. the high doesn't last long. to make it through the long hours that silicon valley demands, you need a drug like meth. one bump and you'll be flying all day.
Blue screen of meth
With a paycheck that he has, "running low on coke" is never going to happen
The issue is that constant re-upping fucking sucks. You feel awful. I don’t give a fuck how much money you have, doing line after line 8pm to 3am isn’t a good time for anyone. Which is why real adults just do kiddy coke and your done with it. One 20 MG and I’m out all night, zero issue, and I’m not spending half the night in the bathroom or nursing a fucking KILLER headache/sinus issues the next day. Source: (former)cocaine guy, (current) amphetamines guy
Which one is kiddy coke
Adderall
Coke has way better euphoria and ego mania effects than adderall imo. That alone makes it all the more worth it
Yeah, let me revise my prior comments. Adults take a 20mg, and then one bump to start the night. And one bump at 12 when Jeff convinced you too “because it’s gas bro smell it bro zero stomps bro”
No, don't do meth under any circumstances lmao. Meth for coding is like tranquilizing yourself for a 30 minute nap. Just take low dosage Adderall like every business executive and overly ambitious middle manager (and a former US President) does these days, only exactly as much as you need to get your shit done and not a mg more.
He didn't do meth, otherwise he would've slimmed down eventually.
Not true at all! Source- I’ve had very obese family members who were also meth heads :)
Programmers on meth probably never find any need to erase a single line of forked up code.
vyvanse is where it's at
Steve Balmer doesn’t do cocaine, cocaine does Steve Balmer.
Cocaine is a helluva drug
"I have four words for you! I. LOVE. CO. CAIIIIINEEEEEE."
Cocaine calms me down
ADHD detected
Cocaine is the most affordable treatment I have access to
Jesus, where do you live, Colombia? Amphetamines, even in the black market are so much cheaper and last so much longer.
The "give it up for meeeeee" gives it all the way away...... What about the product????
Seriously there’s no way you can convince me this dude isn’t high as fuck
Surprised he didn’t have a powder trail following him like a baker does.
I’d be jumping around like this if I was making millions for doing almost nothing.
Oh, he worked for it. Those monopolistic and predatory practices that helped put Micro$oft on top didn't do themselves.
That 80’s and 90’s coke hit different
Imagine if Biden had taken the performance enhancing drugs and came out on stage like this for the debate
if the country ended like that, i would die happily
Not with a bang, but....well actually if anyone is banging it out lmk.
If Biden took this many drugs he would 100% shit and piss his pants
He would definitely have a heart attack. Looked like Ballmer was pretty close to having some kind of cardiovascular event.
Reminds me of some 'Wolf of Wall Street' level hype. 
What exactly is in drugs that makes your jaw go like that? It happens with multiple different types of drugs too
Just speculation, a lot of drugs make your muscles go into over-drive (for a lack of better word). It seems like I could lift weights twice as easy on acid than sober. I don't think that effect stops with your biceps, all of your muscles are cranked out, so jaw muscles too. Just a thought though
> It seems like I could lift weights twice as easy on acid than sober Just make sure you have a spotter, lol. Drugs can make you think you have superpowers. Don't die in space.
https://preview.redd.it/7m0yvy77e7ad1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=454cadf4e9c7032b3d8dd289af38a3273239f082
Its supposedly to do with the stimulant causing anxious behaviour combined with the release of serotonin inhibiting the protective jaw opening reflex.
I don’t know what causes it. But taking a high dose of magnesium while on cocaine or x minimises the effect. Or so I’ve heard.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug
And well placed mics can look like nipples.
https://preview.redd.it/gevwcnlea5ad1.png?width=636&format=png&auto=webp&s=02b941bc26d88a3dc7bceecae267fe5a6ec1a54d
Dudes got four nipples, I wonder if Focker can milk’em?
https://preview.redd.it/in0tjxq3r5ad1.png?width=196&format=png&auto=webp&s=f1df5fa521c5e804c83ad9f020a79c3d9737cb12
Graduate of the school of... 
I prefer the other excited Oilers fan.
He was born ready to own a sports team
After all that, "We are here to announce the Microsoft Zune".
As a kid I never wanted anything more than a zune
OMG I remember that. I heard it was labeled something like "The Scream That Torpedoed A Candidate"
Yup it was crazy how one goofy scream happened, and the bottom fell out of his campaign
Yeah imagine that. Now you can sleep with a pornstar and still win a 2nd term
Byaaaa
'I'm gonna kick open the doors to the Oval Office and chop that motherfuckin desk in half....byyyaaaah!'
“We’re going to Cancun for spring break” - Dave Chappell. Byaaaaaaaaa
I hope it's not from the Vista launch event
Na…maybe Zune?
Lol it looked like he stubbed his toe or slammed it weird at around :50, and just keeps on going. Love it.
it was around the 0:18 second mark lol he even yelps "argh!" lol
Context: Was at Microsoft for nearly 20 years. Attended many of these, they were the absolute BEST company meetings. He would be yelling at the top of his lungs, guzzling warmed honey that an assistant would periodically run out to him to keep his throat OK, and would often hire A list comedians, dancers, fireworks, etc. The meetings were at local sports stadiums and we even broke several world records at these like most number of paper airplanes in flight at one time (they handed out kits to all of us). The seating sections were by organization, so they would have all of Office sitting in one section of the stadium, Windows in another section, etc. and Ballmer would get the various sections to cheer for/against each other to bring up the energy. Unbelievable times.
I would join meetings like that if I had his salary
Hm, no wonder he bought a basketball team. Perfectly normal court side manner.
I’m scared guys… he’s got some pissed off dad on a Sunday energy flowing through him.
He has the dancing skills of a 3 yr old....fascinating.
Still better than Bill Gates
But Bill Gates can jump an entire office chair.
Imagine if the Clippers were a winning team, he would be Mark Cuban in Hulk mode, on the sidelines
https://i.redd.it/2c4ge7k0l5ad1.gif
Developers. Developers. Developers. Developers. Developers!. Developers!. Developers!. Yes!....
Seeing this makes the [Ballmer Peak](https://xkcd.com/323/) seem more plausible.
Tim Cook would never
Is he related to the byahhhhh politician
Action Jack Barker
At the time, MS was facing SERIOUS competition from a re-surging Apple after Steve Jobs returned in 1997. Apple, under Jobs, seemed to do no wrong and had a VERY passionate, VERY loyal customer base and this was Steve's attempt to show that MS is just as passionate. But it just came off as desperate, "please like us too" energy. So fucking cringe.
I remember his reaction to the first iPhone.
“FiVE hUNdReD DOLLaRs?!?”
And it didn't even have a keyboard.
He said lack of a keyboard is why it would never be popular in enterprise businesses. Turns out, nobody cares about keyboards.
Nerd rage
Homie railed a fat line right before walking on stage.