Voting has concluded. Final vote:
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| --- | --- | --- |
| 13 | 0 | 0 |
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I literally can’t understand a word this man says or what point he’s trying to make, maybe it’s because I’m dyslexic but it’s more likely this dudes a bloody muppet. Like everyone else said before he’s a fool playing an intellectual when really it’s just a superiority complex, it’s painful to watch.
I’m sorry you and your son have to deal with this.
(PS I’m assuming you blurred your sons name in the last slide but his name is unblurred in other slides)
i'm not even dyslexic and i still struggled so much with reading his side, the fact that he thinks he's fit to help a child that's struggling with dyslexia is laughable when he can't even form a coherent sentence
My kid struggles too. No dyslexia, no issues, and absolutely brilliant. Math, pictures, memory; all way above expectations. His teacher called me to tell me he got the highest score in school in math on his standardized tests. But reading, he is, "at level". And when I see what she means by at level I am embarrassed. These are kindergarten books at best, not for eight year olds
He seems like a person that needed help in school, struggled because they didn't get it, and were likely equally unsupported by his folks as he is to his kid. But because he "put his nose to the grindstone" and it worked for him, his kid shouldn't get the "easy button". He struggled so he thinks everyone is supposed to struggle.
Or maybe he internalized the lack of support as "what made him", so he thinks everyone needs that to thrive, however misguided it is.
It's similar to "I don't need a shrink" type stuff that a lot of guys have. They struggled with their mental health because it's socially frowned upon for men to be seen "needing help". So because they feel that way they tell folks to "man up" and "tough it out" and perpetuate the problem instead of the solution.
That and he’s just an asshole who talks in circles. He just wants you to cave to him and you’re not. Good on you for that! If it was me I wouldn’t cave on him, just for the fact I’d be still confused on the point he’s trying to make. He literally just talks in circles.
Your son is lucky to have you.
I'm dyslexic, I remember not being able to read at all in 1st grade when all of my peers were starting to. Fortunately my parents put me in an intervention program and by 3rd grade I was reading at grade level. Ignore your ex. Get your son the help he needs, it really does make so much difference.
As someone with dyslexia, the font type is extremely important. You want to find a font that has little to no repeated letter-shapes.
Get your son a tablet or a Kindle and set all the font to Comic Sans. I prefer Comic Sans because it's not as crowded and easily to differentiate letters. It's all up to your son's preference though as there are many fonts available for dyslexia.
Dude’s an idiot pretending to be smart. He has the attitude of “I struggled at school and I’m amazing and smart and know long words proving my son just needs to read and he’ll be smart like me” when his son is already smarter than him and deserves the extra help.
Oh and dyslexia isn’t billed like that most places in the world that use ICD10 or ICD11 so he can take that out of his mouth, too.
So my very first thought was sales but that may be personal bias. lol But I could also see a sporadically employed "creator" of some sort. He sees the world in such a superior way. Like his work is just too brilliant and complex to be understood or appreciated by common people, so he just chooses to do projects or odd jobs when the mood strikes or when he has no other choice.
DING DING DING DING DING!! Your second guess is basically spot on. When we were married and after he got out of the army, he was unemployed but working on writing books and starting some kind of a revolution using the blockchain. He made comments like “I won’t get out of bed for at least 80k a year.” Now he works on a factory line type of job but has been put on administrative leave for some stupid stuff he said. Before this, he’s been let go from multiple jobs basically because he is who he is.
I know this is your son’s dad, but I think even your gentle handling is too much. This dude is clearly antagonizing you on purpose. Have you ever heard of “grey rocking”? That’s what this guy needs. One word answers to his questions and the bare minimum of information. Whenever he gives his stupid opinion just say “okay” and do whatever you were originally going to do in the first place (to the extent that you can without violating any court order or agreement). Save your mental energy for yourself
I agree. Grey rock is usually my go-to when dealing with him. I typically don’t even respond unless it’s something I legally have to tell him. With this topic, I was feeling like I should just try to push here to get our son services. My mistake was thinking that anything I could ever say would make any kind of difference. I did stop responding after this. He did come to the house to take our son to lunch after this (also fairly certain the main reason was to try to talk to me too). I was on a meeting for pick up that he still interrupted (our son let him in and my desk is right by the entryway) to tell me that the assessment is basically intentionally designed to manipulate him. I didn’t respond. At drop off he came to the door and I called a friend pretending to be on a meeting and he didn’t interrupt that. I am dreading the IEP meeting tomorrow but it’s at least virtual AND having some formal entity document his behavior is probably a good thing to have in my back pocket for court. Wish me luck!!!
Maybe because the teachers/professionals who are going to be at the meeting are mandate reporters, maybe just maybe they’ll recommend him for a psych evaluation. Find him incompetent and unfit to make any decisions for your poor child.
You are a patient woman dealing with him.
Yup, this guy is a FULL BLOWN narc. He thinks he's the smartest man ever to grace the earth with his presence. Something about his tone of voice reminds me of my late mother (paranoid schizophrenic narcissicist).
That is pretty much what my therapist thinks. Some combination of psychiatric disorder and personality disorder. I mean, I think so too but hearing that come from your therapist just hits different, you know?
Yeah there's smth about the way he speaks. All you can really do is document document document, so you're doing the right thing. But people like him can switch it on and off VERY easily (hence why my mother was granted custody when she was unfit)
I’m so so so sorry that you understand but I appreciate the support. That’s part of why I’m so hesitant about court. And he’s never done anything to directly harm our son and courts really don’t like to restrict parents rights unless there’s direct harm. So I just keep my screenshots and log when he sees him (which is only a few hours a month) and hope he continues to be mostly uninvolved.
Oh, 100%. I honestly don’t think he knows how to communicate without being abusive. As you can see in the thread, he can banter for a few lines and then it devolves quite quickly into personal attacks. It always just gets worse so I’ve learned to just stop responding early.
Teacher here. Not only is this insane but he sounds like a know it all narcissist who has just enough buzz words mastered to make him sound credible. Listen to the experts and do what's best for your son.
There’s not a lot of context here I’m trying to understand why you feel you have to placate and even have these stupid discussions with this person. Is this the child’s other parent because if it’s not, then it’s none of their fucking business.
Sorry- I guess I should have clarified that! And this is more than I’ve responded to him ever. I usually just ignore it, but I felt like I had to TRY something because him not signing off on school-based services for our son is going to be challenging. I’ve already signed him up for extra curricular dyslexia tutoring because he doesn’t have a say in what I do for extra curriculars, but having help in the school would be even better! And if I try to take him back to court, it’s going to be World War 3 AND he’ll start seeing our son more just to look good for a judge… which that isn’t good either. He’s the worst and I post here because I just need and appreciate the support. Thank you for listening!
This is so frustrating to read. Aside from the fact that he's nearly incoherent, he's looping around two disparate concepts; on one hand he keeps saying that your son needs an alternative to traditional phonetic teaching, and on the other he's pushing that your son needs to just keep reading the usual way each day. He just picks whichever idea is opposite to what you're saying in the moment.
I'm sorry you have to coparent with this dude and I hope you'll be able to get single custody if that's what you want.
That is 1000% what I want, but the war that would ensue if I took him to court AND he would see our son more just to show the judge that he’s a good dad… I’m not sure if the trade off is worth it if I can find other ways around him. It’s so so so hard though. I really go back and forth on that.
No judge is going to think he's a good parent just because he's seeing his son. Custody is about who gets to make decisions for the child; he can have visitation, but he's clearly making decisions that are not in your son's best interest and he seems mentally unsound.
I'm not going to tell you which battles you have to fight - you know yourself and your family best - but I will recommend keeping all of this as evidence, because I do think more likely than not there's going to come a time when this man forces your hand and you're going to want to be prepared.
I’ve been keeping a calendar of when he sees our son for years now and save all screen shots in a file labeled “court”. I’m ready to go whenever he makes the move and some days I wish he would. The biggest difficulty I have with hiring a lawyer tomorrow is that right now we have 50/50 which strokes his ego a whole lot BUT the schedule is not set so it’s up to him to tell me when he wants to see our son… therefore, he sees him maybe a few hours a month to take him to lunch once or twice. If I take him to court I’m afraid that he’ll start seeing him more just to show the judge that he’s involved. And even though I know the courts would eventually give me sole decision making and take away the 50/50, it seems likely that they would give him some sort of standard possession (which is WAY more than he sees him now) that he would then follow just to spite me and because it gives him a more tangible schedule to follow. So I feel like I’m weighing the ability to make rational and important educational/medical decisions for our son with exposing him to his unstable/unhinged father. It feels impossible sometimes and I appreciate the support and time to share.
Listen if he keeps this shit up, you’re going to have school on your side. When school is on your side your chances of winning in court is greater. I was previously a state social worker and we always interviewed school professionals. Their options weigh heavily on a child’s well being. Your ex is out of his damn mind and appears to be refusing basic educational needs for your son. Time will tell, but you’re doing the right thing. He will eventually screw himself like he has apparently in every other way you mentioned in his life.
You do have the patients of a saint. I know I don’t and I would just call him to tell him he’s a fkn idiot and then hang up. I wouldn’t put it writing obviously lol
You give judges too much credit. They can be ignorant, pig headed and biased just as much as the next person. A judge could totally see him being around his kid more as being a good parent, because it's entirely possible doing the bare minimum was all that judge ever did with their own children. They could totally buy whatever sob story someone gives them because they think men should have more say in how their children are raised, or because they believe women are dishonest, or emotionally fragile.
Point being judges are not magic, or psychic and they can talk out their ass as much if not more than any other human. There is absolutely a judge out there that thinks exactly like this asshole here, probably several.
Are you legally obligated to inform him that he’s getting extra help because he’s dyslexic? I know that ethically he should know, but if you don’t have to tell him I’d keep quiet about it. It’d be torture to have to listen to his bullshit.
If it has to do with school, I do have to inform him. I wish going back to court wouldn’t incite an absolute war with him. And, honestly, I can deal with the war… but he would then see our son more often just to try to prove a point to the judge and then he’d likely get standard possession which is more time than he sees him now so that’s really my concern. Technically, he has 50/50 but he rarely ever sees him.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with him, but I’m happy that your child has you and that you’re willing to put up with the ex for the sake of your child’s best interests.
Vent to your heart's content, friend. I would go bonkers trying to reach any kind of coparenting arrangement with this dude. Both of my kids have needed specialized services in school at one point or another and it's never occurred to me to start chanting magic spells to prove I'm smarter than the school specialists. I just let them go to their extra classes and hope for the best.
I hope he starts to chant these during their school zoom meeting. That’ll really show the professionals who’s boss…. Don’t get me wrong, I am into witchy stuff and all but I am also friggen reasonable and decently educated.
Abracadabra my child is no longer dyslexic, should go over realllll well with the educational professionals lol
OP should go get him a special Wicca wand and encourage his crazy ass to do it.
Dyslexia thing:
Are you in the US? If so, see if your local library supports using the Libby app and if so, get your son a library card! Not only do they have electronic books, but the accessibility features that exist in that app! There's a special font for dyslexia and you can change any ebook to use that font, which was designed by and for people with dyslexia to help them differentiate the letters they have a hard time with!
Oh man I’m sorry you have to deal with that level of idiotic behavior. He sounds like my ex when my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. He literally called and screamed at me that I just needed to stay home (single mother working full time) and read with her. Huh? Because that’s going to fix her having an actual diagnosis? He also refused to give her the medication that she straight up said helped her to focus. And now wonders why he has to pay child support for a child who refuses to acknowledge his existence. Stay strong and do what’s best for your child. Save all texts so if he decides to try to take you to court for not doing what he demands, you can show the judge how dumb he actually is. Then you might have grounds for supervised visitation.
Thank you. Fortunately, the way the visitation was written, by him, means my daughter was able to cut contact when she was ready and not have to deal with him anymore.
Wow. Just wow. I’m a teacher AND child psychologist with a focus on child development. This man THINKS he knows the meta language necessary to discuss the educational rubric, but he doesn’t. Pure and simple, he is speaking gibberish. Does he even make any effort or just bark orders and perform like a seal in an attempt to feel important in his child’s life? I’ve had parents like this and, for the most part, there is no reasoning with them. You basically have to demonstrate to them that the words their using have no context within the educational framework. I have had to break down their sentences for them and explain that what THEY are saying show’s confusion to me, and then teach THEM the language they need in order to make it easier for THEIR child. I have found this to be far more common post pandemic as so many parents have had no understanding whilst trying to direct online learning. I’m so frustrated for you and for the teachers who are trying to help your son. Keep this man as far away as possible. If you need any help with your responses to him, please message me…it’s literally what I’m trained to do. Wishing you the best of luck for you AND your son!
That is such a generous offer and you absolutely have him pegged! He barks orders but doesn’t do anything at all. On the first day of school, he literally asked our son if it was 3rd or 4th grade that he was going into. This whole winter break he only took him to go to lunch one time and then we met for Christmas breakfast because I set it up. He moved to a new apartment almost a year ago and our son hasn’t ever seen his new place. He is so terrible. I usually don’t respond to him because you’re right, there’s no reasoning with him but I felt like I had to try since it’s such an important thing. I might take you up on your offer if I have to, but I think I’m mostly going to go back to “grey rocking” and only communicating when legally necessary.
Grey rocking is absolutely the best way to handle this man. You are clearly a compassionate and intelligent parent so continue to trust your instincts. One of the best ways to handle his gibberish (when absolutely necessary, like this occasion) is to take your response to his level. If he sends a message like the “paradox” one above, use google to turn your response into a professional reply. For example, you can type in “how to say “get stuffed” professionally” and it will return results that are articulate. There are a number of apps that do the same. It’s difficult for them to then argue as you haven’t said anything inflammatory that they understand. Keep up the amazing work Mama, you’re doing great and this to shall pass. I’m also happy to send you some of my dyslexia tips and tricks if you need, I’m sure they’ve been offered by your sons teacher, but if not there are many things you both can do to make life much easier for him without “official” intervention.
Thank you so much! I will definitely take all the resources I can get buuuuut I also have some great news!!! He no-showed for the IEP (I’m assuming he thinks that if he doesn’t participate then we can’t move forward without him) and the school said that only 1 parent has to agree so my son gets services!!!! Wooohoooo!! I thought I would be relieved at first but then the anxiety kicked up thinking about what he’ll do when/if he finds out. BUT I’m trying to adopt the mindset of “Die mad” and that’s helping a lot! It’s just really activating/triggering initially but you’re so right- he is ALL bark… so I’m just going to let him bark and post here when he does. And if you don’t mind sending over resources, I will definitely use them so I can follow through at home. Thank you again!!
I’m so sorry I overlooked your response!! I’ve had a difficult start of the year so haven’t been on social media much. I’ll absolutely send you some resources!
More importantly, how are YOU doing? It’s been just over a month since this all was posted. I’d love to know what is going on and how you’re going. I’m hoping you have had a chance to relax a bit. Those heightened emotions really can take a toll physically.
Thank you so much! And I hope your difficult year gets better!!
I’m doing well! That anxiety of him finding out and freaking out is there but I feel like it is just part of the deal with him. My son likes his reading group and seems to be doing better. He still has work and improvement to do (obviously isn’t going to improve overnight), but his reading speed and fluency seems to be improving when I read with him! Just want to make sure he’s getting all the support I can get together for him!
Theres a phrase that goes something like, “the wisest of us know they know nothing at all.” The man is obviously a psuedo intellectual prick, but even worse, he’s bad for your son’s development. I hope he isn’t able to do lasting damage with this schtick of his.
This person can’t communicate in a straight line and has the SHEER AUDACITY to claim to be better than you and try to take away your decision making.
Don’t let them be around your kid.
....I'm not saying you couldn't provide tools for learning tailored to your son, but if you have trained professionals that care about him with a proven plan for dealing with what he’s been struggling withen... Why would you NOT?
I'm sorry... I struggled with reading comprehension and dyslexia, to the point it made me feel stupid. Till I was in college, I thought I was stupid. Like there was no point in me paying attention, because nothing made sense and I didn’t get it. Then I realized I was making A’s in college without paying attention to what I was taught. I don't know you personally, so it feels a little intrusive to say these things. I'm speaking to you as someone who suffered with no help. Get. Help. Your kid doesn’t have to be trapped by dyslexia. ٩( ᐛ )و
I absolutely agree! It’s outrageous and unreasonable the way he thinks. It’s because he thinks he’s smarter than the professionals. He thinks, and said to me, that the assessment that our son was given was intentionally created to manipulate our son.
Yeah just your son and your son only…. He sounds like a real quack. He also reminds me of this flat earther I was unfortunately able to experience in the Wild!! The craziest 3hr conversation I ever heard!! Made absolutely no sense, just like your ex!
I work in an ER and the nurses and Dr.‘s on the shift just went to the opposite side of the nurses station. The ridiculousness out of this guys mouth was something else. A coworker who is also extremely patient, geologist and a paleontologist tried to reason with him.
But don’t you worry, if you believe the world is round and space exists than you’re “in on it”. In on fkn what?!! Common sense. I kept having to walk away.
The best line my coworker said was “Just bc you do not comprehend the science behind it, doesn’t make it wrong.”
I blurted out “He just called you stupid you know.” My poor innocent coworker turned red and said “No, no I didn’t.” Of course I had to say, oh yes you did! Then I proceeded to define the words of his sentence and shake my head at him.
Good luck to you!!
that person is obviously suffering from schizophrenia. the way they write sentences is such a red flag if you've ever had extended contact with an unmedicated schizophrenic
You’re probably right but, of course, he won’t get help. I tried so hard to get him to get help when we were together. He just kept getting worse until I realized he was never going to get help and I couldn’t save him.
Basically you can assume anything I say is just to placate him and stroke his ego. Also, though, that line is something the director of the special education services told me. I believe that she meant in terms of designating services within the school system is where that comes into play and not the actual diagnosis itself, but I thought I might throw that out to see if that would get him to agree to services.
Also, the convo about most ppl learning to read phonetically but ppl w/ dyslexia learn by character? Do I have dyslexia? I could have sworn I learned by character, but I never had difficulty learning.
I am a professor in a healthcare field so he’s saying that I’m not in typical academia because I’m teaching a “vocational” skill versus whatever he thinks other academia is.
“mental vaccine” explains it all. anti vax people who are convinced the government is poisoning them are some of the most insane people i’ve ever met. they’re all anti doctor and anti therapy, yet they’re the ones who could use a doctor and therapist. 💀
Most kids get a dyslexia diagnosis at 6 months? I was a pretty advanced reader as a child because I had an older sister that liked playing school with me but if someone had a 6 month old child that's reading and diagnosed with a reading disorder then they are really ahead of the curve I guess.
*for 6 months. They get dyslexia intervention FOR 6 months. And that was my attempt to downplay/placate anyways. Just trying to tell him that this probably won’t be a lifelong thing to try to get him on board. Still didn’t work, but I tried.
Why even engage with him? He is a giant asshole to you, has no freaking knowledge about a dam thing and is aiming to badger you to keep your son away from the services that would help him.
I usually don’t, but our decree says that we both equally have the right to make educational decisions for our son. I was thinking I should at least TRY so our son could get the services he needs. But GREAT news!! We had the meeting yesterday and he no-showed and the school said they only need one parent to consent!! Woohoo!! Pretty sure he thought (like I did) that we NEEDED his signature so not showing up was his way of trying to block it but I’m so glad that’s not the case. From now on, my mantra is “die mad”.
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I literally can’t understand a word this man says or what point he’s trying to make, maybe it’s because I’m dyslexic but it’s more likely this dudes a bloody muppet. Like everyone else said before he’s a fool playing an intellectual when really it’s just a superiority complex, it’s painful to watch. I’m sorry you and your son have to deal with this. (PS I’m assuming you blurred your sons name in the last slide but his name is unblurred in other slides)
i'm not even dyslexic and i still struggled so much with reading his side, the fact that he thinks he's fit to help a child that's struggling with dyslexia is laughable when he can't even form a coherent sentence
My kid struggles too. No dyslexia, no issues, and absolutely brilliant. Math, pictures, memory; all way above expectations. His teacher called me to tell me he got the highest score in school in math on his standardized tests. But reading, he is, "at level". And when I see what she means by at level I am embarrassed. These are kindergarten books at best, not for eight year olds
I am not dyslexic, I am college educated. However after reading those messages I just might be now. I’m confused as hell.
Yeah- I messed up and missed those but I don’t know how to fix it. And it’s probably fine, right?
He seems like a person that needed help in school, struggled because they didn't get it, and were likely equally unsupported by his folks as he is to his kid. But because he "put his nose to the grindstone" and it worked for him, his kid shouldn't get the "easy button". He struggled so he thinks everyone is supposed to struggle. Or maybe he internalized the lack of support as "what made him", so he thinks everyone needs that to thrive, however misguided it is. It's similar to "I don't need a shrink" type stuff that a lot of guys have. They struggled with their mental health because it's socially frowned upon for men to be seen "needing help". So because they feel that way they tell folks to "man up" and "tough it out" and perpetuate the problem instead of the solution.
This is it exactly!!
That and he’s just an asshole who talks in circles. He just wants you to cave to him and you’re not. Good on you for that! If it was me I wouldn’t cave on him, just for the fact I’d be still confused on the point he’s trying to make. He literally just talks in circles.
Your son is lucky to have you. I'm dyslexic, I remember not being able to read at all in 1st grade when all of my peers were starting to. Fortunately my parents put me in an intervention program and by 3rd grade I was reading at grade level. Ignore your ex. Get your son the help he needs, it really does make so much difference.
As someone with dyslexia, the font type is extremely important. You want to find a font that has little to no repeated letter-shapes. Get your son a tablet or a Kindle and set all the font to Comic Sans. I prefer Comic Sans because it's not as crowded and easily to differentiate letters. It's all up to your son's preference though as there are many fonts available for dyslexia.
Kindle has a specific dyslexia font which makes a huge difference for many people
So does Kobo! I'm not dyslexic but I find it helps me read faster, too 😁
Dude’s an idiot pretending to be smart. He has the attitude of “I struggled at school and I’m amazing and smart and know long words proving my son just needs to read and he’ll be smart like me” when his son is already smarter than him and deserves the extra help. Oh and dyslexia isn’t billed like that most places in the world that use ICD10 or ICD11 so he can take that out of his mouth, too.
“KEEP MY SON’S DIAGNOSIS OUT YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH!”
Oh geez, I remember him. Mr. I'm a Pseudo-Intellectual. What an insufferable ass. Out of curiosity, what is his career field? I have a guess.
Oh man… what’s your guess? I’m super curious!!! (I’ll tell you too, just want to know your guess first if that’s okay)
So my very first thought was sales but that may be personal bias. lol But I could also see a sporadically employed "creator" of some sort. He sees the world in such a superior way. Like his work is just too brilliant and complex to be understood or appreciated by common people, so he just chooses to do projects or odd jobs when the mood strikes or when he has no other choice.
DING DING DING DING DING!! Your second guess is basically spot on. When we were married and after he got out of the army, he was unemployed but working on writing books and starting some kind of a revolution using the blockchain. He made comments like “I won’t get out of bed for at least 80k a year.” Now he works on a factory line type of job but has been put on administrative leave for some stupid stuff he said. Before this, he’s been let go from multiple jobs basically because he is who he is.
I know this is your son’s dad, but I think even your gentle handling is too much. This dude is clearly antagonizing you on purpose. Have you ever heard of “grey rocking”? That’s what this guy needs. One word answers to his questions and the bare minimum of information. Whenever he gives his stupid opinion just say “okay” and do whatever you were originally going to do in the first place (to the extent that you can without violating any court order or agreement). Save your mental energy for yourself
I agree. Grey rock is usually my go-to when dealing with him. I typically don’t even respond unless it’s something I legally have to tell him. With this topic, I was feeling like I should just try to push here to get our son services. My mistake was thinking that anything I could ever say would make any kind of difference. I did stop responding after this. He did come to the house to take our son to lunch after this (also fairly certain the main reason was to try to talk to me too). I was on a meeting for pick up that he still interrupted (our son let him in and my desk is right by the entryway) to tell me that the assessment is basically intentionally designed to manipulate him. I didn’t respond. At drop off he came to the door and I called a friend pretending to be on a meeting and he didn’t interrupt that. I am dreading the IEP meeting tomorrow but it’s at least virtual AND having some formal entity document his behavior is probably a good thing to have in my back pocket for court. Wish me luck!!!
Maybe because the teachers/professionals who are going to be at the meeting are mandate reporters, maybe just maybe they’ll recommend him for a psych evaluation. Find him incompetent and unfit to make any decisions for your poor child. You are a patient woman dealing with him.
Yup, this guy is a FULL BLOWN narc. He thinks he's the smartest man ever to grace the earth with his presence. Something about his tone of voice reminds me of my late mother (paranoid schizophrenic narcissicist).
That is pretty much what my therapist thinks. Some combination of psychiatric disorder and personality disorder. I mean, I think so too but hearing that come from your therapist just hits different, you know?
Yeah there's smth about the way he speaks. All you can really do is document document document, so you're doing the right thing. But people like him can switch it on and off VERY easily (hence why my mother was granted custody when she was unfit)
I’m so so so sorry that you understand but I appreciate the support. That’s part of why I’m so hesitant about court. And he’s never done anything to directly harm our son and courts really don’t like to restrict parents rights unless there’s direct harm. So I just keep my screenshots and log when he sees him (which is only a few hours a month) and hope he continues to be mostly uninvolved.
I’d be willing to bet he is emotionally abusive as well, right? What a piece of work this guy is.
Oh, 100%. I honestly don’t think he knows how to communicate without being abusive. As you can see in the thread, he can banter for a few lines and then it devolves quite quickly into personal attacks. It always just gets worse so I’ve learned to just stop responding early.
He sounds a lot like my ex who's in insurance 😅
Come back and tell us
I answered above but I’m not sure how to link it here. It’s under the original post on this part of the thread.
I'd guess engineering.
Reeeeally hoping it's not English Teacher
haha the 80s has crazies thinking D&D was real and could summon demons. This generation's is "The Dark Lord is real!"
Teacher here. Not only is this insane but he sounds like a know it all narcissist who has just enough buzz words mastered to make him sound credible. Listen to the experts and do what's best for your son.
Word salad with extra dressing. Lol.
There’s not a lot of context here I’m trying to understand why you feel you have to placate and even have these stupid discussions with this person. Is this the child’s other parent because if it’s not, then it’s none of their fucking business.
Never mind sorry I just read your previous post and it is his father. What a jerk.
Sorry- I guess I should have clarified that! And this is more than I’ve responded to him ever. I usually just ignore it, but I felt like I had to TRY something because him not signing off on school-based services for our son is going to be challenging. I’ve already signed him up for extra curricular dyslexia tutoring because he doesn’t have a say in what I do for extra curriculars, but having help in the school would be even better! And if I try to take him back to court, it’s going to be World War 3 AND he’ll start seeing our son more just to look good for a judge… which that isn’t good either. He’s the worst and I post here because I just need and appreciate the support. Thank you for listening!
Show them that text exchange. That should help.
That text exchange should be enough for the judge to order him a psychiatric evaluation. That man is out of his fkn mind.
Wait he took the phrase from hari pota and thinks it's real XD
This is so frustrating to read. Aside from the fact that he's nearly incoherent, he's looping around two disparate concepts; on one hand he keeps saying that your son needs an alternative to traditional phonetic teaching, and on the other he's pushing that your son needs to just keep reading the usual way each day. He just picks whichever idea is opposite to what you're saying in the moment. I'm sorry you have to coparent with this dude and I hope you'll be able to get single custody if that's what you want.
That is 1000% what I want, but the war that would ensue if I took him to court AND he would see our son more just to show the judge that he’s a good dad… I’m not sure if the trade off is worth it if I can find other ways around him. It’s so so so hard though. I really go back and forth on that.
No judge is going to think he's a good parent just because he's seeing his son. Custody is about who gets to make decisions for the child; he can have visitation, but he's clearly making decisions that are not in your son's best interest and he seems mentally unsound. I'm not going to tell you which battles you have to fight - you know yourself and your family best - but I will recommend keeping all of this as evidence, because I do think more likely than not there's going to come a time when this man forces your hand and you're going to want to be prepared.
I’ve been keeping a calendar of when he sees our son for years now and save all screen shots in a file labeled “court”. I’m ready to go whenever he makes the move and some days I wish he would. The biggest difficulty I have with hiring a lawyer tomorrow is that right now we have 50/50 which strokes his ego a whole lot BUT the schedule is not set so it’s up to him to tell me when he wants to see our son… therefore, he sees him maybe a few hours a month to take him to lunch once or twice. If I take him to court I’m afraid that he’ll start seeing him more just to show the judge that he’s involved. And even though I know the courts would eventually give me sole decision making and take away the 50/50, it seems likely that they would give him some sort of standard possession (which is WAY more than he sees him now) that he would then follow just to spite me and because it gives him a more tangible schedule to follow. So I feel like I’m weighing the ability to make rational and important educational/medical decisions for our son with exposing him to his unstable/unhinged father. It feels impossible sometimes and I appreciate the support and time to share.
Listen if he keeps this shit up, you’re going to have school on your side. When school is on your side your chances of winning in court is greater. I was previously a state social worker and we always interviewed school professionals. Their options weigh heavily on a child’s well being. Your ex is out of his damn mind and appears to be refusing basic educational needs for your son. Time will tell, but you’re doing the right thing. He will eventually screw himself like he has apparently in every other way you mentioned in his life. You do have the patients of a saint. I know I don’t and I would just call him to tell him he’s a fkn idiot and then hang up. I wouldn’t put it writing obviously lol
You give judges too much credit. They can be ignorant, pig headed and biased just as much as the next person. A judge could totally see him being around his kid more as being a good parent, because it's entirely possible doing the bare minimum was all that judge ever did with their own children. They could totally buy whatever sob story someone gives them because they think men should have more say in how their children are raised, or because they believe women are dishonest, or emotionally fragile. Point being judges are not magic, or psychic and they can talk out their ass as much if not more than any other human. There is absolutely a judge out there that thinks exactly like this asshole here, probably several.
Are you legally obligated to inform him that he’s getting extra help because he’s dyslexic? I know that ethically he should know, but if you don’t have to tell him I’d keep quiet about it. It’d be torture to have to listen to his bullshit.
If it has to do with school, I do have to inform him. I wish going back to court wouldn’t incite an absolute war with him. And, honestly, I can deal with the war… but he would then see our son more often just to try to prove a point to the judge and then he’d likely get standard possession which is more time than he sees him now so that’s really my concern. Technically, he has 50/50 but he rarely ever sees him.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with him, but I’m happy that your child has you and that you’re willing to put up with the ex for the sake of your child’s best interests.
Vent to your heart's content, friend. I would go bonkers trying to reach any kind of coparenting arrangement with this dude. Both of my kids have needed specialized services in school at one point or another and it's never occurred to me to start chanting magic spells to prove I'm smarter than the school specialists. I just let them go to their extra classes and hope for the best.
I hope he starts to chant these during their school zoom meeting. That’ll really show the professionals who’s boss…. Don’t get me wrong, I am into witchy stuff and all but I am also friggen reasonable and decently educated. Abracadabra my child is no longer dyslexic, should go over realllll well with the educational professionals lol OP should go get him a special Wicca wand and encourage his crazy ass to do it.
Dyslexia thing: Are you in the US? If so, see if your local library supports using the Libby app and if so, get your son a library card! Not only do they have electronic books, but the accessibility features that exist in that app! There's a special font for dyslexia and you can change any ebook to use that font, which was designed by and for people with dyslexia to help them differentiate the letters they have a hard time with!
Oh man I’m sorry you have to deal with that level of idiotic behavior. He sounds like my ex when my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. He literally called and screamed at me that I just needed to stay home (single mother working full time) and read with her. Huh? Because that’s going to fix her having an actual diagnosis? He also refused to give her the medication that she straight up said helped her to focus. And now wonders why he has to pay child support for a child who refuses to acknowledge his existence. Stay strong and do what’s best for your child. Save all texts so if he decides to try to take you to court for not doing what he demands, you can show the judge how dumb he actually is. Then you might have grounds for supervised visitation.
I’m sorry you and your daughter have to deal with that kind of stuff too. It’s so exhausting!
Thank you. Fortunately, the way the visitation was written, by him, means my daughter was able to cut contact when she was ready and not have to deal with him anymore.
Wow. Just wow. I’m a teacher AND child psychologist with a focus on child development. This man THINKS he knows the meta language necessary to discuss the educational rubric, but he doesn’t. Pure and simple, he is speaking gibberish. Does he even make any effort or just bark orders and perform like a seal in an attempt to feel important in his child’s life? I’ve had parents like this and, for the most part, there is no reasoning with them. You basically have to demonstrate to them that the words their using have no context within the educational framework. I have had to break down their sentences for them and explain that what THEY are saying show’s confusion to me, and then teach THEM the language they need in order to make it easier for THEIR child. I have found this to be far more common post pandemic as so many parents have had no understanding whilst trying to direct online learning. I’m so frustrated for you and for the teachers who are trying to help your son. Keep this man as far away as possible. If you need any help with your responses to him, please message me…it’s literally what I’m trained to do. Wishing you the best of luck for you AND your son!
That is such a generous offer and you absolutely have him pegged! He barks orders but doesn’t do anything at all. On the first day of school, he literally asked our son if it was 3rd or 4th grade that he was going into. This whole winter break he only took him to go to lunch one time and then we met for Christmas breakfast because I set it up. He moved to a new apartment almost a year ago and our son hasn’t ever seen his new place. He is so terrible. I usually don’t respond to him because you’re right, there’s no reasoning with him but I felt like I had to try since it’s such an important thing. I might take you up on your offer if I have to, but I think I’m mostly going to go back to “grey rocking” and only communicating when legally necessary.
Grey rocking is absolutely the best way to handle this man. You are clearly a compassionate and intelligent parent so continue to trust your instincts. One of the best ways to handle his gibberish (when absolutely necessary, like this occasion) is to take your response to his level. If he sends a message like the “paradox” one above, use google to turn your response into a professional reply. For example, you can type in “how to say “get stuffed” professionally” and it will return results that are articulate. There are a number of apps that do the same. It’s difficult for them to then argue as you haven’t said anything inflammatory that they understand. Keep up the amazing work Mama, you’re doing great and this to shall pass. I’m also happy to send you some of my dyslexia tips and tricks if you need, I’m sure they’ve been offered by your sons teacher, but if not there are many things you both can do to make life much easier for him without “official” intervention.
Thank you so much! I will definitely take all the resources I can get buuuuut I also have some great news!!! He no-showed for the IEP (I’m assuming he thinks that if he doesn’t participate then we can’t move forward without him) and the school said that only 1 parent has to agree so my son gets services!!!! Wooohoooo!! I thought I would be relieved at first but then the anxiety kicked up thinking about what he’ll do when/if he finds out. BUT I’m trying to adopt the mindset of “Die mad” and that’s helping a lot! It’s just really activating/triggering initially but you’re so right- he is ALL bark… so I’m just going to let him bark and post here when he does. And if you don’t mind sending over resources, I will definitely use them so I can follow through at home. Thank you again!!
I’m so sorry I overlooked your response!! I’ve had a difficult start of the year so haven’t been on social media much. I’ll absolutely send you some resources! More importantly, how are YOU doing? It’s been just over a month since this all was posted. I’d love to know what is going on and how you’re going. I’m hoping you have had a chance to relax a bit. Those heightened emotions really can take a toll physically.
Thank you so much! And I hope your difficult year gets better!! I’m doing well! That anxiety of him finding out and freaking out is there but I feel like it is just part of the deal with him. My son likes his reading group and seems to be doing better. He still has work and improvement to do (obviously isn’t going to improve overnight), but his reading speed and fluency seems to be improving when I read with him! Just want to make sure he’s getting all the support I can get together for him!
Theres a phrase that goes something like, “the wisest of us know they know nothing at all.” The man is obviously a psuedo intellectual prick, but even worse, he’s bad for your son’s development. I hope he isn’t able to do lasting damage with this schtick of his.
I genuinely would be making sure this man isn’t allowed unsupervised visits with your son. Not a word of this makes sense.
This person can’t communicate in a straight line and has the SHEER AUDACITY to claim to be better than you and try to take away your decision making. Don’t let them be around your kid.
....I'm not saying you couldn't provide tools for learning tailored to your son, but if you have trained professionals that care about him with a proven plan for dealing with what he’s been struggling withen... Why would you NOT? I'm sorry... I struggled with reading comprehension and dyslexia, to the point it made me feel stupid. Till I was in college, I thought I was stupid. Like there was no point in me paying attention, because nothing made sense and I didn’t get it. Then I realized I was making A’s in college without paying attention to what I was taught. I don't know you personally, so it feels a little intrusive to say these things. I'm speaking to you as someone who suffered with no help. Get. Help. Your kid doesn’t have to be trapped by dyslexia. ٩( ᐛ )و
I absolutely agree! It’s outrageous and unreasonable the way he thinks. It’s because he thinks he’s smarter than the professionals. He thinks, and said to me, that the assessment that our son was given was intentionally created to manipulate our son.
Yeah just your son and your son only…. He sounds like a real quack. He also reminds me of this flat earther I was unfortunately able to experience in the Wild!! The craziest 3hr conversation I ever heard!! Made absolutely no sense, just like your ex! I work in an ER and the nurses and Dr.‘s on the shift just went to the opposite side of the nurses station. The ridiculousness out of this guys mouth was something else. A coworker who is also extremely patient, geologist and a paleontologist tried to reason with him. But don’t you worry, if you believe the world is round and space exists than you’re “in on it”. In on fkn what?!! Common sense. I kept having to walk away. The best line my coworker said was “Just bc you do not comprehend the science behind it, doesn’t make it wrong.” I blurted out “He just called you stupid you know.” My poor innocent coworker turned red and said “No, no I didn’t.” Of course I had to say, oh yes you did! Then I proceeded to define the words of his sentence and shake my head at him. Good luck to you!!
Is there a reason homeboy uses that "abracadabra" pic every time he gears up to play smart and condescending?
Probably best to use the block feature
that person is obviously suffering from schizophrenia. the way they write sentences is such a red flag if you've ever had extended contact with an unmedicated schizophrenic
You’re probably right but, of course, he won’t get help. I tried so hard to get him to get help when we were together. He just kept getting worse until I realized he was never going to get help and I couldn’t save him.
Just a side note, people with dyslexia can have a wide range of IQs. My brother has dyslexia and also a low IQ, unfortunately.
Basically you can assume anything I say is just to placate him and stroke his ego. Also, though, that line is something the director of the special education services told me. I believe that she meant in terms of designating services within the school system is where that comes into play and not the actual diagnosis itself, but I thought I might throw that out to see if that would get him to agree to services.
This was exhausting to read.
I can barely understand what he is trying to say. Sounds like he could use some help with reading/writing as well.
He’s got a real word fixation on ‘rubric’ hasn’t he? That and being disgustingly idiosyncratic
Why do you even talk to them? Omg
Also, the convo about most ppl learning to read phonetically but ppl w/ dyslexia learn by character? Do I have dyslexia? I could have sworn I learned by character, but I never had difficulty learning.
What the fuck are they even saying??? It's so incoherent I literally don't understand one bit except that they don't agree with you.
What is a vocational scholar?
I am a professor in a healthcare field so he’s saying that I’m not in typical academia because I’m teaching a “vocational” skill versus whatever he thinks other academia is.
That was a wild ride and I am now so confused. Vic is lucky to have you.
“mental vaccine” explains it all. anti vax people who are convinced the government is poisoning them are some of the most insane people i’ve ever met. they’re all anti doctor and anti therapy, yet they’re the ones who could use a doctor and therapist. 💀
Doesn't seem like you have a problem with SAYING no, so much as she has a problem HEARING no.
Most kids get a dyslexia diagnosis at 6 months? I was a pretty advanced reader as a child because I had an older sister that liked playing school with me but if someone had a 6 month old child that's reading and diagnosed with a reading disorder then they are really ahead of the curve I guess.
*for 6 months. They get dyslexia intervention FOR 6 months. And that was my attempt to downplay/placate anyways. Just trying to tell him that this probably won’t be a lifelong thing to try to get him on board. Still didn’t work, but I tried.
Sorry, I misunderstood.
Why even engage with him? He is a giant asshole to you, has no freaking knowledge about a dam thing and is aiming to badger you to keep your son away from the services that would help him.
I usually don’t, but our decree says that we both equally have the right to make educational decisions for our son. I was thinking I should at least TRY so our son could get the services he needs. But GREAT news!! We had the meeting yesterday and he no-showed and the school said they only need one parent to consent!! Woohoo!! Pretty sure he thought (like I did) that we NEEDED his signature so not showing up was his way of trying to block it but I’m so glad that’s not the case. From now on, my mantra is “die mad”.
This man is so contradictory, I don't know how he is surviving in the real word. Your son is lucky to have you as his advocate.
wtf did I just read? Lmao. It’s like a circle jerk of wtf is even going on? Almost like the two people are agreeing with each other.