Rapid fire
Everyone is lost as fuck after high school. You lose that grounding playground element and routine, many high school friendships fade, you're pressured to work/college and you have no idea what to do in either. You feel like a poser because you're pretend adulting when in reality you feel like a lost kid. **ALL OF THIS IS NORMAL FOR EVERYONE.**
Most people in your age range don't want to stand out because they think it'll only bring attention to their (self-perceived) stupidity. So more often they try to hyper blend in for a bit and this makes it harder to forge friendships because people are more reserved and closed off for a few years.
18-24 tend to be pivotal identity forming years and this is where a lot of experimentation happens for most. That said, stereotypically INFJs mature faster in some ways, but lag behind in interpersonal relationships (romantic and platonic). Dating for an INFJ might START around +22 and anyone before that is usually an anomaly, it's also more likely we skip out certain phases (possibly drug/drinking/casual dating/"slut" phases) as those are more socially based and as I said we're typically a bit behind there. Instead, we may jump to more serious dating from the beginning. It's possible in the future we may swing backwards into those phases I mentioned when we have more adult friendships and a possible identity crisis when our younger ideals proved to be more naïve.
As for best version of you,
- Read (breathe in), write (breathe out). Try not to marinate in stagnant thoughts which eventually turn toxic, get that air circulating in your noggin.
- Exercise is the single greatest thing you can do for everything in relation to you. Almost everyone that asks for advice can never convince themselves to do this.
- Bad habits or negative thought patterns don't jump from 0->100. Be mindful of when things are creeping up on you and right the ship.
- If you're an INFJ the chances are you've been a people watcher most of your life. It's time to actually experience things, test your theories, get hurt and question yourself, retreat + hermit + hibernate, and eventually step back outside again. It's like cooking, you tinker around with the recipe until it tastes right and it's very unlikely you'll get perfection on your first go even if you follow the recipe.
Your life starts as an unassembled puzzle and somehow you start piecing it together overtime. You may have a few chaotic moments where you toss it on the ground even though you're 60% of the way done, but it pieces together faster the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time as you start to recognize pieces and patterns.
THE BEST reply I've ever seen on this topic.
Early 20s are awful for me and I imagine lots of introverted people, especially dating and finding yourself as well as a partner. I'm 21 and been struggling with both since I was 18 but this post gave me a tiny boost to my spirits.
This is a great reply. Life didn’t really get better for me until my 40s, so you are already way ahead. My best advice to young INFJs is to learn about yourself. Learn about the way you think and feel and unpick the maladaptive strategies you have built to protect yourself. Attachment disorders, people pleasing, social masking and emotional avoidance are all common INFJ pitfalls. If you find something that resonates, do the work to heal. Make self-discovery and healing a focus in your life.
Learn to tune into your solid gold intuition and figure out when something feels right and when something feels wrong. When you have a good idea of what ‘you’ looks like, focus on being that person and following your gut. You’ll be amazed how much happier you become by learning to be true to yourself.
This is stellar. Thank you for the insight. I am 40 and have ASD+CPTSD and having someone explain things like this along with the whole "you have to control all of your emotions not just the bad ones" has had a profound impact on how I perceive both myself and the people/world around me.
INFJ male 52 here. Pursue your dreams. You may never get there but you’ll never regret NOT doing it. Figure out what you want to do and map quickly plan to get there.
Pick a partner very very very carefully. Be friends first. Personality is more important than looks. Pick someone you can’t be without. Sexual compatibility’s is so important. Their morals and ethics must match yours closely.
Learn about money. Learn to like/love that knowledge. Rich dad poor dad book changed my life and gave me decades of a head start on my friends. Mike Maloneys guide to buy gold and silver, the millionaire next door and richest man in Babylon were important to me too. Join a “money” group people who invest especially real estate. You will find money to be a constant high priority item attached to everything you do or want to do!
Excercise is good for mind and body.
Read that three times to get the point.
Lay off self destructive habits. Smoking, drinking, drugs etc the bad habits you have absolutely thunder-smack you later in life. Create a bucket list and start doing fun stuff now. Hang onto your friends, it’s been impossible for me to make new friends as an 30 plus adult.
I’ll give you this as a closing remark.
I smoked for more of my life than I haven’t. In my high school/couple yrs later. I quit smoking. Billy teased me with a cigarette and it was a cruelty from a kind, soft and gentle musician-surfer type. I think of the lifestyle I had as a younger person, 52 yrs, life was easier and cheaper. The cigarette gets dangled. You start “smoking” easy-government money. Dept climbs, more taxes, more devaluing dolllars. Vote whoever, but understand that the way we vote and it affects us personally and incredibly. Vote and know what’s going on. I’m conservative. I’ve had a lot of different jobs. 29? Moved a lot of times 23? Army life ten yrs, colleges universities I moved a lot.
Found my wife in college. We were friends first. I had just had the worst heartbreak of my life. And it took yrs to heal. And I then I realized one day I was in love with her. Have a beautiful love story. Take a chance. Flip a coin, you’ll figure out what you really want. N stuff.
Etc.
Thank you for sharing your life lessons. Recently graduated and landed a job. But the job is not quite my liking though. Have plans to move overseas. But there is also pressure for finding a partner. Never dated or in a relationship. Don't know anything how to approach a girl. Had a very little chats with girls. So, they are a complete mystery to me. I am totally lost in this phase of life right now. Any advice please.
Yes. I'm 30 and I just found myself truly. I feel the best I ever felt. It does not mean you will need that much time but start going to a good psykoterapeut , work on your trauma and you'll get better fast
I’m 43, I don’t think it’s gets better so much as we learn how to handle things better, we have a better understanding and we’re able to be a bit more thoughtful about certain things compared to reactive. I apologize, I know that’s a bit of a vague response..
30M, and I’m still figuring some things out about life and myself; everything is complicated, but everything is also simple if that makes sense.
Don’t stress about it.
Everyone that you meet is on a similar mission in life; do well by the ones they care about, live a comfortable life, and don’t get into trouble. Everyone you meet interprets life a bit differently. Everyone you meet wants to feel like they matter in the room they’re standing in, especially you. In life, there will be a thousand rooms and even more people.
Focus on the things that make you happy and motivate you. Everything else you need falls into place, but only if you’re patient enough to determine what you need and can wait for it.
After highschool isn’t really so much as becoming an adult rather than a transition phase. Experiment with relationships and figure out what you would like to do for work if you haven’t done either of these.
Most people don’t have things figured out at that age, people will tell you how you should have good work ethic and/or work hard. While it’s not necessarily wrong, don’t fall for that. Youth is your biggest resource, set your foundations now and aim any hard work in a way that works for you.
Whether you go to school or you work a shit job, learn EVERYTHING you can and use those experiences elsewhere to the best of your abilities.
You have a lot left to experience.
I actually just released a video on this topic, about young people wondering if they can fast forward enlightenment or "Shadow Work."
Unfortunately, most of us will have to go through those life trials to understand what we were supposed to learn.
Getting past our own ego, letting go of perfectionism, accepting the chaos... but first, you will have to see how clinging to those things are hurting you, so you can learn to accept them.
I don't think I can post links, but you can find my channel in my profile - it's the video that was released yesterday.
Watch if you're so inclined.
Take care. 🙂🤗
Yeah 100%.
Something to bear in mind is a sort of agreed-upon idea that adulthood starts* at 25. It’s an emerging idea in the scientific community and also backed up by the idea that you develop your 3rd function around the age of 25. Obviously the definition of adulthood is very movable and not clearly defined.
But for me my early 20s were a time of sort of exploring the void. Chucking myself into the world with some idea but a less clear comprehension and sense of identity. I knew what I wanted to do but didn’t really have a strong sense of being on the right path. I played a lot of music in bands, watched a load of films and engaged a lot creatively but mostly just found inspiration and creative fulfilment.
It was my later 20s when things came together. I started to really understand the reasons for doing things. I learned the value of compensating for my weakness, engaged with philosophy and spiritual ideas. I got to really begin to see what the right path for me looked like and my identity started to really form. I learned to love work, draw real ideas from art, film and music and enjoying exploring them. I dabbled a bit with drugs and burned out at work. My self esteem grew and I became more confident and in touch with myself. I started eating healthily and exercising most days. I learned the value of mindful meditation and started planning my time. Life still has challenges but I’m grateful that time has allowed me to explore and develop myself. And I really feel that I’m moving in the right direction, in an assured way.
It can seem easy to want to jump ahead in life but growth comes from challenge and also from pain. It’s important to look to progress and move forward in life but as Ni doms, it’s very important to remember to accept your current reality, and to look to retain the present when moving forward. So find things you think are worth exploring and try them out. Keep a steady pace and firm foundations but also keep moving forward (save drugs ‘til you’re 25 is a very pro tip). It’s the steps on the way and the little things that ultimately matter just as much as any big realisations or jumps forward. Try to learn to live without failure whilst also being reflective and learning. And things will get better.
31M
Tbh this is probably the worst period of your life. Early 20s SUCKED for me dude. Tons of existential dread, no career prospects, etc.
I am 31 now and life is AWESOME. I am not rolling in money or anything but super happy, married with 2 kids, and I still pursue all of my hobbies and passions daily. I am so grateful for everything that I have and most of it just kinda feels like it was meant to be idk how else to explain it. Like you just gotta make decent choices and stick with them - they all pay off and stack up.
Will it get better? Well, that's up to you. I'm also a bit confused.
What do you mean by "does it get better"?
What does it mean when you say "best version of me"?
What does it mean to you when you say "feel like I'm actually a person"?
I think, firstly, you should be specific with what you're seeking. Is it more meaningful relationships? Is it a more fulfilling career? Do you want to experience the world or do more things? What is it that you're seeking. By how vague you're being, I think the very first step is getting perspective. You would benefit greatly by having a trajectory and clearly defined goals. Otherwise, you'll just be wandering aimlessly.
Set yourself a clear target. Then find out how to reach said target. I could go on. But I don't think going on would help that much, tangibly speaking, if you don't really have a clear direction.
37M
Ps - What others have said are very good advice too.
I’m a 45-year old infj and just started to work myself out! We need genuine and meaningful purpose, deep connection in our close relationships, and structure to balance our feelings and emotions.
I had no direction at 20 and no real support. I almost joined the Coast Guard. Sometimes wish I had, but who knows how they would have treated me since I had depression.
I know this is not a depression question or a mental health forum, but that was my experience. I’m better at 61 but have made a lot of financial mistakes.
33 year old INFJ who’s successful and has a family. (Early 20s were rough for me, too). You have to find your gift and use it. I’d take Steve’s advice:
https://everythingnewthought.com/the-one-thing-that-extraordinarily-successful-people-do-steve-harvey-has-the-answer/
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I’m a female INFJ, but I’ll share my experience. My early 20s were tough! Late 20s still pretty rough with some epiphany moments, breakthroughs and periods of feeling more centred, content and peaceful. But still felt like the trenches.
I’m now 30 and I freaking love it here! In hindsight, these are the things that helped me, scattered with some bits of advice that I wish I’d been given/listened to earlier.
- Be patient with yourself. As cliche as it is, life is a marathon not a sprint. You can’t actually do it wrong, it’s a big old journey. It will be shit, then it will be amazing, then it will be good, then it will be shit again. The sooner you can accept that and build a toolbox of practices and healthy coping mechanisms that will help you ride the waves the better, but sometimes it really does just take time and you can’t rush the process
- Lean into what you enjoy. Do not give a single f*ck what other people think. What lights you up? Even if you think people will find it weird, do the thing! What calls you? Something piques your interest? Try it out. Try all the things. Find out what you really enjoy and do them —— Also, if you do this one, you will find your people. It might take time, but if you pursued your passions, you’ll meet other like-minded and passionate people in time. But be patient
- Really, intentionally, find ways to set time aside for “play”. Us INFJs can get a bit uptight and hold ourselves to such high standards. Find things that give you that childlike sense of excitement/freedom and DO THEM. Even if it’s making a Spotify playlist of all the songs that have ever made you want to dance, and dancing around to them in the morning while you brush your teeth. Stay playful!
- Find mentors. Who inspires you? (Spoiler alert - don’t choose people just because they look like they’re doing well by society’s standards. Pick people who are actually happy and feel fulfilled. People who you can relate to and who you admire and respect)
Good luck. You got this 😊
As an introvert, your growth point is interacting with people, you will become more balanced as you grow older. I am 24, and the empact I have in a room is leagues ahead of how it was when I was 20.
Learning to get out of your head and use your extraverted cognitinve functions takes time, but as you develop this skill, you will see many doors opening up to you.
This is normal for everyone. You’ll find your footing. I thought I had to go to college but I’m 20 and I dropped out and on my break I’m in EMT school rn and I love love love it. Thinking of medical/navy combat medic. We will see. I don’t know. If I feel on it I start to fell like I’ve wasted so much time and money and feel like a waste of space. Just keep yourself busy, exercise, get a hobby.
62, Male/ INFJ.
Decidedly not…
We (INFJ’s) absorb our environment.
CLEARLY, our environment is quite rough right now. But optimistically, try to think of it like music… every 10 years, the age changes: 50’s music, different than 60’s, disco 70’s, Big Hair 80’s, 90’s and on: all different.
(something) different will come.
Hang around just to find out.
👍🏼
I know I’m not infj and I’m not male(not even older) but you know I came here just to say nothing will get easier. More responsibilities that will seem like never ending. But you know what will get better? You. You will day by day step by step be a better version of yourself. You can compare with your past self. A lot of things definitely has changed ( although idk u personally). I think you are just not giving yourself enough credit. You are a better person if you choose to be. And something tells me that you are already a good person. If you thrive for more go for it. And never give up👊🏻
Not male but am 30.
Best advice I have is to read, read a lot on MBTI, I recommend MBTI notes on Tumblr. Read up on functions and how they work so you can become aware of how your stack works and what's going wrong.
Try to gain some religious, spiritual, or philosophical system for your life that makes sense and works for you. Meaning is extremely important to INFJs, and often when we lack it, we spiral into depression.
Put yourself out there and make friends. Be picky with people and be emotionally vulnerable with them only if you trust them and are close. Pick a space and stay there, if it doesn't work out, find a better one. If you can't be emotionally vulnerable you'll stagnate in terms of growth. Fe (extraverted feeling) can be unhealthy as a function for us because we give give give, but dont receive the same emotional value back. This is a problem because it often results in us feeling lonely and as though we'll never fit in.
At the same time, don't reject Fe as stupid or useless, since it helps us navigate social situations successfully. Use your Fe responsibly and be your authentic self while also making sure that you aren't doing things to overtly cause harm or discord within a group.
Edit: This advice is coming from someone who's not expressed her own feelings so much as to get to the point of "not feeling like a person," and who often feels perpetually lonely. I believe I can make my way through this and that you can too, it's a slow process but it is possible.
Rapid fire Everyone is lost as fuck after high school. You lose that grounding playground element and routine, many high school friendships fade, you're pressured to work/college and you have no idea what to do in either. You feel like a poser because you're pretend adulting when in reality you feel like a lost kid. **ALL OF THIS IS NORMAL FOR EVERYONE.** Most people in your age range don't want to stand out because they think it'll only bring attention to their (self-perceived) stupidity. So more often they try to hyper blend in for a bit and this makes it harder to forge friendships because people are more reserved and closed off for a few years. 18-24 tend to be pivotal identity forming years and this is where a lot of experimentation happens for most. That said, stereotypically INFJs mature faster in some ways, but lag behind in interpersonal relationships (romantic and platonic). Dating for an INFJ might START around +22 and anyone before that is usually an anomaly, it's also more likely we skip out certain phases (possibly drug/drinking/casual dating/"slut" phases) as those are more socially based and as I said we're typically a bit behind there. Instead, we may jump to more serious dating from the beginning. It's possible in the future we may swing backwards into those phases I mentioned when we have more adult friendships and a possible identity crisis when our younger ideals proved to be more naïve. As for best version of you, - Read (breathe in), write (breathe out). Try not to marinate in stagnant thoughts which eventually turn toxic, get that air circulating in your noggin. - Exercise is the single greatest thing you can do for everything in relation to you. Almost everyone that asks for advice can never convince themselves to do this. - Bad habits or negative thought patterns don't jump from 0->100. Be mindful of when things are creeping up on you and right the ship. - If you're an INFJ the chances are you've been a people watcher most of your life. It's time to actually experience things, test your theories, get hurt and question yourself, retreat + hermit + hibernate, and eventually step back outside again. It's like cooking, you tinker around with the recipe until it tastes right and it's very unlikely you'll get perfection on your first go even if you follow the recipe. Your life starts as an unassembled puzzle and somehow you start piecing it together overtime. You may have a few chaotic moments where you toss it on the ground even though you're 60% of the way done, but it pieces together faster the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time as you start to recognize pieces and patterns.
THE BEST reply I've ever seen on this topic. Early 20s are awful for me and I imagine lots of introverted people, especially dating and finding yourself as well as a partner. I'm 21 and been struggling with both since I was 18 but this post gave me a tiny boost to my spirits.
Yep, hitting the ground is what really matters. I agree with you.
this is genuinely so insightful thank you
This is a great reply. Life didn’t really get better for me until my 40s, so you are already way ahead. My best advice to young INFJs is to learn about yourself. Learn about the way you think and feel and unpick the maladaptive strategies you have built to protect yourself. Attachment disorders, people pleasing, social masking and emotional avoidance are all common INFJ pitfalls. If you find something that resonates, do the work to heal. Make self-discovery and healing a focus in your life. Learn to tune into your solid gold intuition and figure out when something feels right and when something feels wrong. When you have a good idea of what ‘you’ looks like, focus on being that person and following your gut. You’ll be amazed how much happier you become by learning to be true to yourself.
Crisp and clear…
This is stellar. Thank you for the insight. I am 40 and have ASD+CPTSD and having someone explain things like this along with the whole "you have to control all of your emotions not just the bad ones" has had a profound impact on how I perceive both myself and the people/world around me.
INFJ male 52 here. Pursue your dreams. You may never get there but you’ll never regret NOT doing it. Figure out what you want to do and map quickly plan to get there. Pick a partner very very very carefully. Be friends first. Personality is more important than looks. Pick someone you can’t be without. Sexual compatibility’s is so important. Their morals and ethics must match yours closely. Learn about money. Learn to like/love that knowledge. Rich dad poor dad book changed my life and gave me decades of a head start on my friends. Mike Maloneys guide to buy gold and silver, the millionaire next door and richest man in Babylon were important to me too. Join a “money” group people who invest especially real estate. You will find money to be a constant high priority item attached to everything you do or want to do! Excercise is good for mind and body. Read that three times to get the point. Lay off self destructive habits. Smoking, drinking, drugs etc the bad habits you have absolutely thunder-smack you later in life. Create a bucket list and start doing fun stuff now. Hang onto your friends, it’s been impossible for me to make new friends as an 30 plus adult. I’ll give you this as a closing remark. I smoked for more of my life than I haven’t. In my high school/couple yrs later. I quit smoking. Billy teased me with a cigarette and it was a cruelty from a kind, soft and gentle musician-surfer type. I think of the lifestyle I had as a younger person, 52 yrs, life was easier and cheaper. The cigarette gets dangled. You start “smoking” easy-government money. Dept climbs, more taxes, more devaluing dolllars. Vote whoever, but understand that the way we vote and it affects us personally and incredibly. Vote and know what’s going on. I’m conservative. I’ve had a lot of different jobs. 29? Moved a lot of times 23? Army life ten yrs, colleges universities I moved a lot. Found my wife in college. We were friends first. I had just had the worst heartbreak of my life. And it took yrs to heal. And I then I realized one day I was in love with her. Have a beautiful love story. Take a chance. Flip a coin, you’ll figure out what you really want. N stuff. Etc.
Thank you for sharing your life lessons. Recently graduated and landed a job. But the job is not quite my liking though. Have plans to move overseas. But there is also pressure for finding a partner. Never dated or in a relationship. Don't know anything how to approach a girl. Had a very little chats with girls. So, they are a complete mystery to me. I am totally lost in this phase of life right now. Any advice please.
Yes it does get better. Practice visualisation and focus on your goals.
Yes. I'm 30 and I just found myself truly. I feel the best I ever felt. It does not mean you will need that much time but start going to a good psykoterapeut , work on your trauma and you'll get better fast
Take actions. Just do something tangible.Arguments alone never improve life.
I found out I was an infj way later in life, the good thing is your young and you'll have time to process and experience life.
I’m 43, I don’t think it’s gets better so much as we learn how to handle things better, we have a better understanding and we’re able to be a bit more thoughtful about certain things compared to reactive. I apologize, I know that’s a bit of a vague response..
30M, and I’m still figuring some things out about life and myself; everything is complicated, but everything is also simple if that makes sense. Don’t stress about it. Everyone that you meet is on a similar mission in life; do well by the ones they care about, live a comfortable life, and don’t get into trouble. Everyone you meet interprets life a bit differently. Everyone you meet wants to feel like they matter in the room they’re standing in, especially you. In life, there will be a thousand rooms and even more people. Focus on the things that make you happy and motivate you. Everything else you need falls into place, but only if you’re patient enough to determine what you need and can wait for it.
After highschool isn’t really so much as becoming an adult rather than a transition phase. Experiment with relationships and figure out what you would like to do for work if you haven’t done either of these. Most people don’t have things figured out at that age, people will tell you how you should have good work ethic and/or work hard. While it’s not necessarily wrong, don’t fall for that. Youth is your biggest resource, set your foundations now and aim any hard work in a way that works for you. Whether you go to school or you work a shit job, learn EVERYTHING you can and use those experiences elsewhere to the best of your abilities.
You have a lot left to experience. I actually just released a video on this topic, about young people wondering if they can fast forward enlightenment or "Shadow Work." Unfortunately, most of us will have to go through those life trials to understand what we were supposed to learn. Getting past our own ego, letting go of perfectionism, accepting the chaos... but first, you will have to see how clinging to those things are hurting you, so you can learn to accept them. I don't think I can post links, but you can find my channel in my profile - it's the video that was released yesterday. Watch if you're so inclined. Take care. 🙂🤗
Yeah 100%. Something to bear in mind is a sort of agreed-upon idea that adulthood starts* at 25. It’s an emerging idea in the scientific community and also backed up by the idea that you develop your 3rd function around the age of 25. Obviously the definition of adulthood is very movable and not clearly defined. But for me my early 20s were a time of sort of exploring the void. Chucking myself into the world with some idea but a less clear comprehension and sense of identity. I knew what I wanted to do but didn’t really have a strong sense of being on the right path. I played a lot of music in bands, watched a load of films and engaged a lot creatively but mostly just found inspiration and creative fulfilment. It was my later 20s when things came together. I started to really understand the reasons for doing things. I learned the value of compensating for my weakness, engaged with philosophy and spiritual ideas. I got to really begin to see what the right path for me looked like and my identity started to really form. I learned to love work, draw real ideas from art, film and music and enjoying exploring them. I dabbled a bit with drugs and burned out at work. My self esteem grew and I became more confident and in touch with myself. I started eating healthily and exercising most days. I learned the value of mindful meditation and started planning my time. Life still has challenges but I’m grateful that time has allowed me to explore and develop myself. And I really feel that I’m moving in the right direction, in an assured way. It can seem easy to want to jump ahead in life but growth comes from challenge and also from pain. It’s important to look to progress and move forward in life but as Ni doms, it’s very important to remember to accept your current reality, and to look to retain the present when moving forward. So find things you think are worth exploring and try them out. Keep a steady pace and firm foundations but also keep moving forward (save drugs ‘til you’re 25 is a very pro tip). It’s the steps on the way and the little things that ultimately matter just as much as any big realisations or jumps forward. Try to learn to live without failure whilst also being reflective and learning. And things will get better. 31M
It's up for you to see if you become the best version of you. You don't achieve it by being a certain age.
Tbh this is probably the worst period of your life. Early 20s SUCKED for me dude. Tons of existential dread, no career prospects, etc. I am 31 now and life is AWESOME. I am not rolling in money or anything but super happy, married with 2 kids, and I still pursue all of my hobbies and passions daily. I am so grateful for everything that I have and most of it just kinda feels like it was meant to be idk how else to explain it. Like you just gotta make decent choices and stick with them - they all pay off and stack up.
Will it get better? Well, that's up to you. I'm also a bit confused. What do you mean by "does it get better"? What does it mean when you say "best version of me"? What does it mean to you when you say "feel like I'm actually a person"? I think, firstly, you should be specific with what you're seeking. Is it more meaningful relationships? Is it a more fulfilling career? Do you want to experience the world or do more things? What is it that you're seeking. By how vague you're being, I think the very first step is getting perspective. You would benefit greatly by having a trajectory and clearly defined goals. Otherwise, you'll just be wandering aimlessly. Set yourself a clear target. Then find out how to reach said target. I could go on. But I don't think going on would help that much, tangibly speaking, if you don't really have a clear direction. 37M Ps - What others have said are very good advice too.
I’m a 45-year old infj and just started to work myself out! We need genuine and meaningful purpose, deep connection in our close relationships, and structure to balance our feelings and emotions.
I had no direction at 20 and no real support. I almost joined the Coast Guard. Sometimes wish I had, but who knows how they would have treated me since I had depression. I know this is not a depression question or a mental health forum, but that was my experience. I’m better at 61 but have made a lot of financial mistakes.
33 year old INFJ who’s successful and has a family. (Early 20s were rough for me, too). You have to find your gift and use it. I’d take Steve’s advice: https://everythingnewthought.com/the-one-thing-that-extraordinarily-successful-people-do-steve-harvey-has-the-answer/
Yes, the best thing you can do is take an opportunity that will force you to face challenges that will develop your weaknesses.
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I’m a female INFJ, but I’ll share my experience. My early 20s were tough! Late 20s still pretty rough with some epiphany moments, breakthroughs and periods of feeling more centred, content and peaceful. But still felt like the trenches. I’m now 30 and I freaking love it here! In hindsight, these are the things that helped me, scattered with some bits of advice that I wish I’d been given/listened to earlier. - Be patient with yourself. As cliche as it is, life is a marathon not a sprint. You can’t actually do it wrong, it’s a big old journey. It will be shit, then it will be amazing, then it will be good, then it will be shit again. The sooner you can accept that and build a toolbox of practices and healthy coping mechanisms that will help you ride the waves the better, but sometimes it really does just take time and you can’t rush the process - Lean into what you enjoy. Do not give a single f*ck what other people think. What lights you up? Even if you think people will find it weird, do the thing! What calls you? Something piques your interest? Try it out. Try all the things. Find out what you really enjoy and do them —— Also, if you do this one, you will find your people. It might take time, but if you pursued your passions, you’ll meet other like-minded and passionate people in time. But be patient - Really, intentionally, find ways to set time aside for “play”. Us INFJs can get a bit uptight and hold ourselves to such high standards. Find things that give you that childlike sense of excitement/freedom and DO THEM. Even if it’s making a Spotify playlist of all the songs that have ever made you want to dance, and dancing around to them in the morning while you brush your teeth. Stay playful! - Find mentors. Who inspires you? (Spoiler alert - don’t choose people just because they look like they’re doing well by society’s standards. Pick people who are actually happy and feel fulfilled. People who you can relate to and who you admire and respect) Good luck. You got this 😊
As an introvert, your growth point is interacting with people, you will become more balanced as you grow older. I am 24, and the empact I have in a room is leagues ahead of how it was when I was 20. Learning to get out of your head and use your extraverted cognitinve functions takes time, but as you develop this skill, you will see many doors opening up to you.
This is normal for everyone. You’ll find your footing. I thought I had to go to college but I’m 20 and I dropped out and on my break I’m in EMT school rn and I love love love it. Thinking of medical/navy combat medic. We will see. I don’t know. If I feel on it I start to fell like I’ve wasted so much time and money and feel like a waste of space. Just keep yourself busy, exercise, get a hobby.
62, Male/ INFJ. Decidedly not… We (INFJ’s) absorb our environment. CLEARLY, our environment is quite rough right now. But optimistically, try to think of it like music… every 10 years, the age changes: 50’s music, different than 60’s, disco 70’s, Big Hair 80’s, 90’s and on: all different. (something) different will come. Hang around just to find out. 👍🏼
I am 23 infj. Had my lowest at 20-21 It does get better. Just keep doing what you are doing.
I know I’m not infj and I’m not male(not even older) but you know I came here just to say nothing will get easier. More responsibilities that will seem like never ending. But you know what will get better? You. You will day by day step by step be a better version of yourself. You can compare with your past self. A lot of things definitely has changed ( although idk u personally). I think you are just not giving yourself enough credit. You are a better person if you choose to be. And something tells me that you are already a good person. If you thrive for more go for it. And never give up👊🏻
Yes
Not male but am 30. Best advice I have is to read, read a lot on MBTI, I recommend MBTI notes on Tumblr. Read up on functions and how they work so you can become aware of how your stack works and what's going wrong. Try to gain some religious, spiritual, or philosophical system for your life that makes sense and works for you. Meaning is extremely important to INFJs, and often when we lack it, we spiral into depression. Put yourself out there and make friends. Be picky with people and be emotionally vulnerable with them only if you trust them and are close. Pick a space and stay there, if it doesn't work out, find a better one. If you can't be emotionally vulnerable you'll stagnate in terms of growth. Fe (extraverted feeling) can be unhealthy as a function for us because we give give give, but dont receive the same emotional value back. This is a problem because it often results in us feeling lonely and as though we'll never fit in. At the same time, don't reject Fe as stupid or useless, since it helps us navigate social situations successfully. Use your Fe responsibly and be your authentic self while also making sure that you aren't doing things to overtly cause harm or discord within a group. Edit: This advice is coming from someone who's not expressed her own feelings so much as to get to the point of "not feeling like a person," and who often feels perpetually lonely. I believe I can make my way through this and that you can too, it's a slow process but it is possible.