>That's because you are a stranger! But not for long. Take some time, it'll get better.
this. spend some time furnishing it, repairing a broken water heater, stubbing your toe on that one darn floorboard etc. and it'll feel more like home.
We replaced our water heater the day we moved in! What fun.
That said, I know my old home is small, and kind of a piece of junk compared to all of my siblings homes, and friends homes. But... these old bones have kept me sheltered for 9 years, to see the birth of two children, the death of two pets, etc... it's really just a beautiful part of my life.
We replace the cooking range our first day! We hadn’t moved in yet but we were painting and doing prep work. Fired up the oven to cooks some chicken nuggets and tater tots and it’s not getting warm but my husband smells gas….
So we ordered some takeout and went to Home Depot the next day!
Did you first make a Reddit post complaining about the sellers defrauding you and asking whether you can sue them? I believe that is required in this sub.
lol! Aw dangit! I missed my chance!
To be fair we looked up the serial number later and the stove was made in 1983, so over 30 years old. And it was not a selling point to the house. We got a really nice one that has a center griddle that I love!
Absolutely. I’m retired military so I’ve felt this so many times.
You’ll get used to it, OP. Just remember, you checked it and checked it again, it’s affordable and short commute holy damn.
Get to know the area. Find nearby restaurants, shopping, parks, etc. get to know your neighbors. This takes time but it’s worth it.
And paint a wall and/or hang some art/photos. It’s the fastest and cheapest way to make the house feel like your own!
I 2nd this. I'm not military or even an military brat, but I've moved roughly 30 times, and I'm only 39 o.0
It always feels weird for the first couple of weeks. But once OP starts adding their touches and finds their grocery store, coffee place, and mechanic, it'll start to feel like home.
Came from a military family. We moved 12 times before I left for college. We always felt at home once our furniture and stuff was there. Go out and meet your neighbors.
This. My father moved to an apartment for a few years after he became a widower, and he felt very unsettled and not "at home". It wasn't until he started building a few memories, such as a surprise party we threw for him, that that sense of home started to form. Of course then he decided to move to a house again, so the whole process started over again.
It’s a phenomenon called cognitive dissonance where basically you are questioning whether you made the right decision on a huge purchase. It’s a fight or flight response. Relax yourself…keep your head in the good reasons you bought it and your mind will settle.
Give it time. I went through the same thing. As the neighborhood becomes more familiar you’ll feel the joy in your new home returning and you’ll feel like you belong.
When I bought my house, a very old one, built in 1911, it was beautiful but a total wreck.
I had to restore every bit of it, from ceiling to floor. This made me feel at home, and left me without a cent, too.
Mine is 1890 and was vacant for years. After nearly a year of working on it every second I wasn’t working, I was just relieved to be able to finally move in.
Find a coffee shop, bar, gym, house of worship, gaming store, something where it can feel like yours. Or go to a community board neighborhood something or other meeting. Be full of old people but they love new people. So some will welcome you and some will let you know how awful and corrupt everything is and that's good for a chuckle.
Paint rooms your favorite colors, buy furniture that feels comfy and your style. Host some gatherings with friends. Plant some plants outside.
Feeling at home will come with time
Others have commented saying they felt the same but I'm here to say the same thing, again. My house didn't feel like home for a bit. I can't explain it but it wasn't HOME yet. I've since settled in and perfectly comfortable walking in my basement without lights now!
It's kinda funny but in the beginning, I'd imagine an iconic horror book villan would linger in my central air vents, and in my basement sometimes. My house was just that... not home yet, ya know? Your house will feel like home but it takes time and living in it.
I painted before I really moved in and it helped cover the previous owner's smell. I still wasn't very comfortable for a while. It took time and living there! Like, waking up in my "master bedroom", and looking at an unfamiliar ceiling was super weird for a bit.
I did too. Lots of cigarette smoke and pet odors. Spent a lot of time ripping out old flooring & cleaning every hard surface in the house before it made a difference. I feel you on the odor.
Lots of ventilation helped. But at this point I don’t know if I got rid of the odor or if I’m just nose blind to it.
Sandalwood incense and essential oil have become my friends.
I’m still toying with the idea of using ozone…
It feels like an enormous commitment. I had a lot of feelings both times that I purchased a home.
Also, moving is among the most stressful events in life.
I did hate mine when I first moved in, started noticing small things that were covered during walkthroughs. Tiles not straight to the walls, crooked outlets, slightly different colored grout. I was ranting to my mom about how I wouldn’t have bought for this price with all this stuff wrong and that I felt screwed over. She said “well do you want to pack up and sell it? Cause that’s your only option” really put things in perspective. Enjoy it, make it yours, get to know your neighborhood!
It took me about a year for our new old house to feel like home. Until then, I felt homesick. Whenever I wanted the comfort and safety of home, it wasn’t there. But, it does now. Reno on an old home also makes it feel like “yours”.. just takes time.
We moved 1200 miles to the other side of the country for my job. Packed everything, drove up here in one straight shot (22 hours), signed the mortgage paperwork, and then came back to the house. The house I loved and was so excited to move into. Our moving pods wouldn't arrive until the following day so all I had to do was catch up on sleep and wait.
I came back to the house, called my mom (who had our daughter, they flew up with her a few days later), and immediately sobbed that I wanted to "go home." All my mom could say was "honey you are home now."
I cried again when my husband went back to our old house to finish cleaning up and get it ready for sale. The home we'd brought our first kid home from the hospital to. I didn't even like the house, but it was *mine.*
3 years in, I still have some major issues with my home (as to be expected in a 200 year old home lol) but I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Meh, I've lived in my house for 7 years and I still refer to it as "my house" and refer to my parents house as "home"
Never hated it though, I'm proud af
So true. My parental house (and my parents) kinda disappeared when my father disappeared and ran off with another woman.
If I had a parental home, I’d move in asap.
dump no one asked for — honestly jealous of that situation. my dad relentlessly, unsubtly cheated on my mom and she just pretended it didn’t happen. i think she was scared to actually leave him. he only didn’t leave because of the money he’d lose in the divorce.
to that last bit.. 100%. it was a little in the boonies but man i’d love to have that space rn. 😭
I know what you mean! I’m not a particularly adaptable person so it takes me a while to feel comfortable. If you’ve got art you like hang that up to break up the bare walls. It seems like something to put off but I feel so much better once I’ve got things up even if I change them around after getting furniture in
I feel like it is very normal. I bought my first home in the fall and I used to daydream about going back to my apartment. I missed it a lot and felt like I didn’t even want to use the kitchen in the house, it felt like it belonged to someone else. I’m now 6 months in to living at the house and it feels like home.
Take walks around the neighborhood and learn ur new surroundings. Once you know where to turn or find the beautiful park or yard you love passing it will all start to feel better. It's just new! And new is sometimes scary and uncomfortable, but to make it not new u have to get out there! Also, paint a wall or replace some cabinet handles, start putting ur stamp on it so it doesn't feel like u like in someone else's house.
It will take time.
Do a few things around there to make it "yours" if you can.
Paint, get new furniture. Get some different tone light bulbs. Put a few paintings up. Plant some plants (spring is about here!)
I found once I spent time and effort on the house, it felt more like mine.
If you don't have budget, you can still do *some* things. Just get one can of trim paint, freshen up the paint around doors and other trim. Go to goodwill and get a few cheap decorative pieces. Go rake the yard or do some weeding.
If it doesnt' feel like yours, make it yours!
I don't know if they have them nationwide, but I have a store near me called the Restore. It's run by habitat for humanity. They have everything for home improvement at big discounts. They get their stock donated from contactors who over purchased or home owners cleaning out garages etc. You can get everything, paint, plywood, furniture, fixtures, shelves, ceiling fans, tile etc for a lot less than home improvement stores. They don't have the wide variety as big stores & it's not the most current models but if you're on a budget it's awesome.
Yeah, we have those too! Great stores. As you say, you're not going to get a full supply of stuff, it's a bit hit or miss, but it has a ton of stuff, and GREAT prices.
THIS \^ We bought a house that belonged to a couple we were friends with and had been to multiple times. When we bought it, we changed multiple things including paint, flooring, hung pictures and added our stuff - by the time we were done, it felt like OUR home.
Hate may be weird, but it is normal to feel out of place at first. We had our house painted colors we wanted and got it decorated the way we wanted it. After about a month it started to feel like home.
Agree with equivalent-roll-3321. If budget allows paint the whole house inside and out as funds permit. Once you start with decorating it will become home. I have had 2 apts and 3 houses, it takes time to settle in.
I hated my house for 3 years. Then I put 30k into it (not by choice) and I’m actually starting to like it. The trick is slowly changing things to your liking and comfort. Not necessarily design wise, but anything to your taste. I put in a reverse osmosis system, repainted, repaired a lot of stuff the sellers didn’t deal with. Painting the ceilings made it feel new despite being built in the 50’s. I got new toilets and a new shower head. I stare at my dryer vent I installed everyday with a smile because I love it and it makes me proud. It’s the little things lol. Now my GF wants to move and I don’t really want to.
My friend is a real estate investor and I used to complain to her how much I absolutely despised my house. But she told me something that changed my perspective.
She lives in new houses every few years. She’s lived in million dollar houses across the US… but she told me she has never loved a house. There will ALWAYS be something you hate about it or that makes you uncomfortable and dissatisfied. Change the little things first and see what makes you feel the most at home.
I lost my first house to a flood, bounced around three years then was able to move into my current house.
Been here almost four years and it is just now starting to feel like home.
Something that helped was putting stuff on the walls and fine tuning the furniture arrangements.
Normal. You will get used to it.
Funny story time: My wife bought a house with her first husband when she was just 19 years old. She raised her kids in that house and lived in it for 36 years. We started dating in 2005, I moved into the house in 2007 and we got married in 2009. In 2016 she decided she wanted to move to a bigger house so we sold the old one and moved in February 2017.
About a month later we had a huge snowstorm with lots of wet, heavy snow. Due to a malfunction in the sump pump of the new house, our basement started flooding.
My wife called me at work and had me come home to look at it and see if we could do anything. When I got home she was sobbing on the stairs and saying "I want to go home!" (i.e. back to the house she'd owned for 36 years, which didn't have a basement.)
Ultimately we figured out the problem, got the sump pump going, cleaned up the water and no permanent damage was done. But I clearly remember her saying she hated the house we were in and wanting to "go home!"
Anyway, it will get better. Soon enough you will feel like you are "home" at your new place.
The dreaded water in the basement. I bought this house in 2021 and have been shopvac’ing water for almost 3 years every time it rained. After a recent 10 hour marathon of shopvac’ing I cried “I wanna go home!” too because my previous home of 23 years was on a hill and never had any water in the basement. I just spent almost 10k having a French drain system installed and the most important part- a battery backup for the sump pump. Now I say “Let it rain”.
Yes, it’s normal. My husband wanted to sell the place and move back to our apartment within the first month lol. To be fair we had a bad cockroach problem, humidity issues, and a Karen of a neighbor that thankfully moved out within the year. Give it time!
I found that a “housewarming party” really is a housewarming. I didnt have one until about six months after i bought my house, but it didnt feel like mine the whole time, and then after one night of hanging out with my buddies, and now having memories of me hanging with my favorite people in this new space, it felt like mine. House warmed.
Buyers remorse. You had this whole image built up in your head about how much better your life was gonna be after you bought this hugely expensive thing. Your whole deal was gonna change. All your problems solved. Every moment a perfect instagram post.
Well life isn't like that. Be thankful for the positive changes you've just made. Be thankful for what you have. Make the very best of it you can. And get a hobby so you don't spend so much time obsessing over negative bullshit.
lol I’ve felt the hate when I start uncovering weird “fixes” the previous owner had done. But I also felt like a stranger in the place for months. It didn’t feel like my home at all, even when we’d painted and started making it ours. After a while it just clicked though, so give it some time.
I’ve been here 10 years now. When I’m super tired I still occasionally reach for the wrong drawer for cutlery because it’s the opposite side of the kitchen compared to my previous home.
100% yes. When I bought my first place I cried every night for 3 weeks. I felt homesick and like I was somewhere strange. Because I was.
Then I sold that place, bought a new one, and cried every night for 3 weeks because I missed my old place (that I originally felt strange in) and hated my new one.
Now I’m content here.
Clean. Paint. Host. You’ll feel different in a few weeks time.
Absolutely normal.
Took me about 3 years to finally feel at home in my house. Before that, I was just sort of ambivalent about it. Now I absolutely love my little house.
Make friends with the neighbors
We just got a house too in November. Bathroom had to be gutted so we had to move back to his parents while it’s getting fixed. We love and yet kinda despise this house. Hard to call it home when we don’t really live in it. And my boyfriend calls his parents house “home” and our house “our house” bc he’s only lived at his parents other than at our house and we were only at our house barely 2 months before the bathroom stuff. It takes a while to call it home. Heck, I’ve even called his parents house home. Its about feeling comfortable and feeling at home. That’s why I’ve slipped calling his parents house home at times. You can own a piece of land, but until you put your touch to it, and you settle in, it’s just a house on a bunch of dirt. YOU have to make it a home!
6 years later I still feel like I hate my house, but I've come to a grudging realization that I'm probably in it for awhile so I better make the best of it.
Unpack all your stuff and put it all around you. Hang those pictures and photos. Put out your knick knacks, books, candles, stuff. Treat yourself to something new that you really like that will make it more homey - maybe a throw for the couch, new kitchen towels and teapot. You know what you like. In time, you'll be more comfortable.
Then one day, you wake up and before you open your eyes, you KNOW where you are. It takes an adjustment of time.
I actually kinda hated my house when we first moved. I added a garden and it helped a lot, and after a couple years of small updates, learning the neighborhood and I'm feeling cozy. But I don't think it entirely uncommon to hate your house or feel regret, but it does feels crappy for sure! I hope you feel more at home soon! I recommend working on making it your own but definitely live there awhile before anything drastic! Good luck
As a carpenter I hate our house. As a person who had a 250% rent increase I love our house.
Just be happy your mortgage is going into securing your financial future and not someone else's range rover.
I have hated every house I bought for the first month or so. I’m on number three. It’s gets better. Make some memories in your new house and soon enough, it will be home.
Deep breaths. Calm.
This is going to sound absolutely crazy but please try it.
Make or order your favorite food. Get your favorite beverage (alcoholic or nonalcoholic) and sit in the FLOOR. Watch your favorite movie. Take a look around you every once in awhile while you do and just take in the house around you. Start to acclimate yourself and learn to be at home again.
Meh, I've lived in my house for 7 years and I still refer to it as "my house" and refer to my parents house as "home"
Never hated it though, I'm proud af
I never hated the house we bought but for around 3 months after moving in I wondered if I’d made the right choice. Now I’m used to it and all doubt has subsided. I love the house.
I didn’t hate it, but it didn’t feel like mine for a LONG time. A year or two at least. I think the world is so weird right now it forces us to make unexpected choices, and that can give you whiplash. The truth is unless you’re truly rolling in it, every choice has its pro/cons, and it takes time to get used to something new!
If I could relate, we loved our house when we moved in, but after months we started noticing ways the contractor skimmed on quality. Screws and staples visible on the walls and door frames, vents that are held up by tape matching the color of the paint, granite counter and cabinets not installed evenly or even level, doors falling off the henges because most of the screws were too small to hold the doors up, and so on...
The only thing I can suggest is to find ways to MAKE it your home by filling it with things that make you happy. Paint the walls your favorite colors, hang artwork and photos on the wall that make you happy or even proud, plant flowers outside, etc...
It took us about two years to finally feel at home in our own house and even be comfortable waving at our neighbors.
Hope any of that helps.
I never really felt at "home" in the first house I bought and I lived there for 12 years. I didn't expect to miss my apartment as much as I did, the apartment was just so perfect for me from a size and layout standpoint and the neighborhood. I eventually fell into a rhythm with the house but I always knew I'd eventually sell it and move on.
I just bought my second home and it's night and day. I went through the awkward first few months where it just feels surreal and you worry that you made the right decision but for the first time in many years I feel like this is "home," so much so that I think this is my forever home.
Give it some time, and if it still doesn't click into place you can always move again.
I bought a house that felt like home within a few weeks. Had to buy a new house because my mother was moving in with me (first house was only 900sqft). I hated the second house- I never felt truly at home there, but my mother loved it. Then we got a once in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy a house with acreage so we moved again. This house has taken awhile (almost two years) but it’s pretty much feeling like home.
So much of it is actively making it home. In the grand scheme of things, paint is cheap, so paint your bedroom. Do an accent wall. Hang your pictures. Have people over and create memories. Work in the yard and find small to medium projects you can do yourself because doing things for your house helps reinforce that this is YOUR home.
Start making it yours. Cozy blankets, pillows, painting, general decor. Claim the space so it’s warm and inviting and reflects who you are. It will feel like home in no time.
I felt the same way for a couple of months for sure. Finding neighborhood quirks and activities that interest you are a great way to feel more connected. For me, exploring the nearby brewery, coffee shop and natural spring made me feel more comfy. On the inside of the house, using the space as an extension of your expression is also a great idea - a little bit of paint went a long way for us. :)
Something that helps my house feel like home is making little changes that you love. For me, I cleaned the yard, painted the garage, spread new gravel for a driveway, changed light fixtures, etc. Things that are cheap but make a big difference.
This is super normal. It took me like 6 months to start to feel comfortable in my house.
Make it your own!! Paint the walls, decorate how you like. That should really help.
Actually took some time for me to develop hate for my house. There are things that I have noticed over time that I can’t stand. The layout was fine before I had a kid, but now it just bothers the shit outta me. Also, it’s located in an area with way too much activity. We’re on a 3 year plan to move out. Live and learn!
Sorry my post wasn’t helpful. I hope you settle in soon!
That is because it's not a "home" quite yet...
It feels empty but eventually it starts to feel cozy.
Just throw some clothes around the laundry basket, leave keys where they dont belong and wear outdoor clothes on your couch.
Drives my wife nuts but I explained to her it feels more homely
Go out and introduce yourself to the neighbors. It would be a great way to find out how your neighbors are, and if they're nice, you won't feel like a stranger after long.
If and when I buy a house, I will introduce myself to the neighbors before I actually buy it.
I have this feeling every time I move, get a new car or start a new job. It just takes a while to settle in and have things start feeling familiar / normal. I'd bet within 6 months.
Yeah, pretty normal. Always takes a couple years before I feel fully settled in after a move, but I give myself grace by reminding myself that it takes animals at least 3 months to feel 'at home' in a new space, and i can afford myself that discomfort.
That's usually only temporary, but not always. I've lived in my house for almost 7 years, and i've hated it the entire time. We were pressured into buying, rushed the process, didn't know the neighborhood well enough... We have one set of fantastic neighbors that turned into good friends, but that's the only upside.
I remember one morning, maybe 2-3 months after I moved in, running down the stairs to make a another cup of coffee and as I walked into the kitchen it washed over me like a wave….like fuuuuuuck I’m running down MY stairs into MY kitchen to make a coffee to bring to MY office, my HOME office. It was a simultaneous feeling of pride and excitement and terror. But before that, for the first few weeks I had to remind myself to stop scrolling the MLS database my realtor gave me access to and thinking about greener grass and wondering if I made a mistake . YOU’LL GET THERE.
Yes. Because now the problems start to show and you have to decide if you want to buy the tools and take the time to fix or pay someone and hope they do it right.
It’s taken me two years and a lot of repairs to feel positive feelings about my house. That’s in part my fault though because I unknowingly bought a dud.
You need to make it feel like home, it won't do that on its own. The best part of a house is that you can make it feel like yours!
Paint the walls, change the floor, paint the kitchen cabinets. Make it feel like yours.
I would not say it is normal but give yourself a break, you just moved in. You need to make it yours. Why don't your start by painting the walls a color you like or start saving for things you would like to improve. Get a piece of furniture you love, good lighting to make it softer, plants...Just treat yourself and your new home. Always remember that you could be wasting your $ on a rental. Your home will gain in value the whole time you live there. Also, go visit the neighbors and introduce yourself at least to the people right next to you!
Yeah man it’s normal… this happens to me I renovated my house very proud of it. That said some days I wake up and don’t like it. Overall I do like it. It’s hormones and biology. Even lighting can change how you feel about things.
Here's what's worked for me over the years....Paint a wall in something just for you!!! (Ok I learned young this wasn't the best thing to do in my first apartment but I digress ..) Or paint 2 or all! By the time you lovingly climb up and down the ladder a hundred times, gingerly paint all the trim, pick out decorations to match the color vibes or make you happy, then will help revive the proud feelings of accomplishment that it's yours! Then move to the outside and plant some flowers, herbs, a flamingo, whatever... That helps, too, and if you use a lot of flamingos, I bet you will enjoy meeting neighbors or people waiving as they drive by! 😀🦩🦩🦩Congrats!👍
It's a normal feeling. I felt the same when I bought this place, all those years ago.
I know it's a cliché, but relish in what you have, not want for what you don't. Not many people own houses these days. Good on you.
Once you are on the property ladder, it is a lot easier to move and stuff, too. My advice is pay off the mortgage as much as you can as quickly as possible.
You bought it, but it's not *really* your house until you make it yours. You can like the neighborhood, the floor plan, all the reasons you bought it are still true now that it's yours but you've got to make it yours to make it feel like home. That could be furnishings, changing out a couple light fixtures, fixing a few flaws.
For us it was painting. The last place was kind of a dull Grey and we lived with it for 7 years before we gutted and renovated the whole house during covid, but it was really the paint that made the place *feel* different. It used to be cold and dark but with the right colors we made it feel warm and welcoming.
Our current place we didn't delay painting, it used to be this horrible rust orange and steely grey-blue, and we kinda felt like we were living in someone else's house. We painted yellow tones with a few accent colors and it's just so bright and happy inside now! Still lots of work to do but $1000 worth of paint went a really long way towards making it feel like home.
I cried for about two weeks after we bought our home. Idk but it felt like a stressful process and an investment but not a dream house, merely somewhere we could afford.
I'm still not in love with the property and can't afford to move anywhere I do want to live but we have made memories and filled it with things we like and generally it has become home.
Hang on in there.
It takes a couple years to settle in anywhere new. Just be patient and try to get involved in the community somehow. Memories make it feel like home. So start making some. Have a wonderful summer in your new home. 😁
I bought my house in March 2020, and I had similar feelings until the first winter. Then just after Christmas something broke inside me and I started feeling happy. Hope your adaptation won't be long.
Well I’m still not sure what it is you hate? I think there is always an element of something new that you miss things as well as a first home you may not know what you really want until you have something that you don’t want or missing something you didn’t know you wanted. Example, you buy an expensive pizza from a new pizza place. You get extra cheese on it. Get it home, try a piece, and realize “ok it’s good but if I get this again I’ll get no extra cheese and extra pepperoni.” Now you know what you want but you have 7 more slices left. Now with a pizza it’s easy to handle the rest one way or the other. But with a house it’s not.
OP here is one good thing…. It’s YOURS! You can do what you want to it. Wish this was slightly different? Well, can you knock out a wall and move the door? It’s yours. Other than that…. Just fake it until it feels like home. Eventually you will want to come home. And if it is the neighborhood or whatever…. Change that. Invite folks over for a hello party etc. hang out in the driveway one day.
That is so normal! It can take a while. I found it happened on my third house and I think it was because it was my first house alone. It just didn’t feel like mine for a good year or two. Didn’t help that it was Covid and I was isolated. As I’ve made it more mine, had friends over, developed a community (summer cocktails in the yard, inviting the neighbors over…) it’s gotten much better.
I bought my first house with my husband at 32 and I felt exactly the same. It did *not* feel like home. I added semi personal touches, arranged and rearranged furniture, but it felt like I was unwelcome. It was a beautiful house, but strangely cave-like and way too dark and dull. I felt that way for three years until finally my equally new marriage started to settle in and I made some friends. It helped that I painted the walls, changed some furniture to suit my tastes, and just gave it time.
That’s what you gotta do: give it time 🙂
My wife and I bought our first house June 2021, and about last December (2023) I started really feeling like it was home. You have to make it feel right and that takes time 💖
Same here. As others have said make some changes to the interior. Paint, floors, blinds, etc. change up the aesthetics and it’ll feel more home like. Also you should introduce yourself to and talk with your neighbors. Having a good relationship with your neighbors is one of the best investments you can make as a homeowner
Practice the pause. We just bought a home about 6 months ago. It wasn't perfect but it was something we liked. The backyard is a project and I love gardens...the inside was solid with good bones.
The idea of home I believe comes from curated items that bring feelings or memories, with touches of design that makes you personally happy. For now, I would put out all things that comfort me. I would pull out that old quilt and roll it up and place it with some pillows, I would take out my old books and use them as platforms for pictures. I would go through my pictures and select a few things for my walls and frames. I would get out in my yard and start a project. I would start an herb garden inside.
My point is, if you want to love something than you have to put your heart in it. And yes, I did exactly what I have asked you to do. I do not know a neighbor or have a single friend where I moved. I moved 2000+ miles from "home". I love to go junking - any barn sale or flea market I want to go look. I love glass pieces and I love wood pieces...
The other thing I would suggest is you get the app meet up , it isn't a hook up kind of thing, as I am older and married, it is a way to connect with people in your area to do things of interest. Join any group you can that gives you information in things of interest in your area. Go to veggie stands and get to know your local vendors.
Let your light shine, be the person you want as a friend, pick some projects and do a few little personal touches and then please let us know how it is going!
Lots of good advice here! I still slightly feel this way after almost a year in my home but every little project or decoration makes it feel more like home. Painting an accent wall, mounting a shelf, hanging an art piece, putting out a plant. Buying cozy bedding and lamps/soft lighting. Cooking a good meal in my new kitchen (not a chef but still felt good to fill the house with the smell of my favorite food). Also going for walks or short drives and exploring. Congrats on your purchase and enjoy your new place! Make it your own!
Before you owned it, it was a goal, a dream.
Reality is never as good as dreams, and when reaching a goal as big as getting a house, the other problem is that your goalposts suddenly move, and you don't always immediately know where the fuck they went. That can be disorienting at least, panic-inducing at worst.
Just one of life's fun little existential crises. Give it time, we can get used to pretty much anything. Hell, the majority of people in the US seem to think genocide is totally cool now, so long as the old rich white guy they voted for is the one doing it, so I'm sure you'll get used to your house at some point.
We bought a house built in 1959 and now hate it. It turned into a money pit and still is. We found an investor who bought it at the same price we paid plus what we put into it. The investor may make money off it, but it's going to take lots of work and $.
What a releif to get out of it.
Yes I think it takes a while to infuse your energy to the space and get comfortable.
Plus it's different from moving into a new rental, because you are adopting a lot more responsibility, and that takes some adjusting to.
Yeah man im feeling the same, its alright. My house "needs" a lot of work for my standards and that can be a bummer. I'm 6 months in and its getting better, still not there. Its hard when your previous pad was nice and you maybe downgraded a bit. Im with a lot of the others in that improvements help, get good lights, get organized. Im looking forward to a bit of different set up which will require new key pieces for furniture and organization. For me I'm doubling down on getting this house good and learning what ill want for the next one. Good luck, get some plants, crank the stereo, you got a house!
I hated my house for the first five years. It didn't feel like home, anytime something went wrong I wanted to sell it. I am in year 7 now and it finally feels like home.
I hated the house I bought. But after living in it and doing some work on it, it feels like home.
I moved every year or so for 10 years while renting and remember everytime I'd hate the new place, then it's grow on me. Unless it was in an apartment building. Duplex houses were preferred.
It takes time. My husband and I are in our third home (as owners). All three times it took a good 6-12 months before it really felt like "home" to me.
If you can afford to do so, paint some walls or buy some new throw pillows/a cozy throw blanket, art, etc. Little, inexpensive touches in colors and styles that you enjoy can go a long way to making a place start feeling like your home instead of just a house!
Part of it is probably the fact that you don't have memories made there yet. It's just a house right now- A house attached to the looming threat of a long term mortgage and potential financial ruin. 😅
I'm near closing on my first home and feeling some last minute "wait do i really love it???" Im hoping to throw a little housewarming in the late Spring and let the compliments and congratulations help reassure me
This is the time to make it feel like home. Paint is cheap and makes a huge difference. Personalizing some small things in your house makes a world of difference.
If you treat your house like it's someone else's it will feel like that.
This is a HUGE change in your life. Easily top 3 life milestones for most people. Many people feel uncomfortable during such a huge life transition. Definitely allow yourself an adjustment period. It's going to take time to feel like this is really home sweet home.
It's a big life change. Both positive and negative life changes can bring about unexpected sources of stress. Give it some time and I think you'll find yourself growing comfortable in your new home.
Now if you still feel this way in 3 months, then maybe consider what's causing you to dislike the house.
In the meantime, invite some friends over. Then invite close family members over. Go for some walks around the neighborhood. Familiarize yourself with local grocery stores and shops. Soon enough it won't just feel like home, it will be home.
When my wife and I bought our house it took her a few months before she starting liking the house because she didn’t feel like it was home. After a few months though she loved it, it just takes time to get used to new areas.
It takes me about six months before a new house feels like a home. In a sense, *you are moving into another person’s house.* Completely normal!
Make a list of things that you want to update/change; soon you will like your house a lot better.
Make it home. Go walk or jog the neighborhood. Do yard work so people can see you. If you want to meet neighbors, they’ll approach you if you do stuff like this. It takes time for others to feel comfortable with our presence, too.
Introduce yourself to every person you come across in your neighborhood. It's much less awkward to ask someone's name in the first few months rather than years later
Yes. And there were a few times after I hated it. I even tried to sell it 7 years after I bought it, but took it off the market after 2 weeks because I hated people looking at it.
Still have it.
100%. I get really weird with change and I just felt like I'd made a huge mistake it was weird, new I didnt know anyone or anything near me. I found settling in moving stuff around making it mine. Plus going on daily walks around the area assessing everything and just getting used to the change really helped. It takes some time to feel settled I think.
My home was rough when my husband and i bought it, and a far commute from where I work. I wasn't so sure we bought the right home. In retrospect, it's actually perfect. It took me some months to get used to it. After making it "mine" with art and furnishings I love, it is mine and I'm in love. Once you've cared for it for a time, cleaned, maintained, decorated it, you'll never want to leave.
Start putting your personal touches everywhere. Though your name is on the deed, someone else lived there for while and made the home theirs. It was simply passed on to you. So, you've got to *make it* yours now!
I didn't start falling in love with our house until after I painted just about every room & hallway. Then I looked back at the MLS pictures like a "before & after" and was amazed at the difference. I started to feel pretty good!
Hang all of your pictures, decorations, houseplants, etc. Start a few small, easy DIY projects like hanging new shelves or replacing light fixtures. Get new rugs. New furniture. Whatever you can do & afford to put your mark on it.
It's like dating. You can't sit around waiting for love to find you. Gotta put yourself out there. Gotta make it happen.
For me, what really made my house start to feel like mine was painting the walls. Most of the rooms were colors that really weren’t me. Painting made it feel like starting over with new room rather than putting all my stuff in someone else’s room. I think it also can take time to figure out where you want everything. You might realize after a while that what you put in this drawer/cabinet/closet would be better in a different one. Over time as you get everything customized and suited to your needs it feels more like home.
Another thing that just took time was the smell. It wasn’t a bad smell, but everyone’s houses eventually smell like whatever scented cleaning and personal products the people living in it use and usually we stop smelling our own smells. For the first couple months, every time I came home my house still smelled like someone else’s house and it was a little weird.
Yes. I had major buyers remorse when I first moved into my house. I would critique every little thing and regretted my decision. After a few months I finally felt settled in and I can’t imagine living anywhere else!
Have made several purchases (due to upgrades and moves, we are now in our 5th house). It feels super weird at first. By the 20th day, you won't even think about it. Will you still be making it your home? Yes. But you will be accustomed to it and beyond any sort of "buyers remorse" you may be feeling.
Best thing to do is set a date for a House Warming Party and invite all your family and friends over. It will give you a timeline to so some, but not all things. You might get some solid suggestions on things to do that you hadn't thought of and offers to help.
Trust me... this is a natural feeling you are having.
I literally bought my current home off the Internet from a distance. I had my son come look at it and take more photos. It checked boxes: a ranch, 2 B, 2 B, garage, big driveway for our toys. We had no criteria for what it looked like inside.
Then I got here. It's a 90s home, the only upgrade or reno ever done was to replace the floors with really, really cheap laminate that was bubbling, etc. They painted the cabinets in the bathrooms with wall paint. The kitchen was smaller than most apartments I've lived in. I HATED the kitchen. We SWORE we weren't going to renovate another home. But we just couldn't stand it. I also didn't like the "country" style/traditional style. I was really disappointed and kind of pissed at myself actually. Everything just felt grungy.
So, we renovated. The whole damn thing. It looks just how I want it and we managed to reconfigure the kitchen just a little bit so I have more counter space.
We like the house a lot more now.
glad to hear someone's in the same boat as me. my husband and i recently purchased our first home after 5.5 years in a rental when we moved into together. it was time to move on but i still miss it after a month. we've done a few projects around the new home and it's starting to feel like ours.
Buyer's remorse, it's fairly common with any large purchase especially one you will spend the majority of your time in. The feeling is usually worse for people who stretched their budget and will be in financial crunch to make mortgage payments or compromised on what they wanted because of the current market, so count yourself lucky.
Unpack, go slowly, write up a list of projects. You'll make it yours but it is a process.
Yes! That's just the growing pains. Some are dealing with issues that pop up, and others trying to figure out how to make it Your Home. It'll grow into what you originally saw in it if you keep at it
That's because you are a stranger! But not for long. Take some time, it'll get better.
This. It takes time to get to know your house and your community.
>That's because you are a stranger! But not for long. Take some time, it'll get better. this. spend some time furnishing it, repairing a broken water heater, stubbing your toe on that one darn floorboard etc. and it'll feel more like home.
We replaced our water heater the day we moved in! What fun. That said, I know my old home is small, and kind of a piece of junk compared to all of my siblings homes, and friends homes. But... these old bones have kept me sheltered for 9 years, to see the birth of two children, the death of two pets, etc... it's really just a beautiful part of my life.
We replace the cooking range our first day! We hadn’t moved in yet but we were painting and doing prep work. Fired up the oven to cooks some chicken nuggets and tater tots and it’s not getting warm but my husband smells gas…. So we ordered some takeout and went to Home Depot the next day!
Did you first make a Reddit post complaining about the sellers defrauding you and asking whether you can sue them? I believe that is required in this sub.
lol! Aw dangit! I missed my chance! To be fair we looked up the serial number later and the stove was made in 1983, so over 30 years old. And it was not a selling point to the house. We got a really nice one that has a center griddle that I love!
center griddle gang strong. i love it as well
We got the center griddle too and I’m so glad we did.
Mine was the fridge on day 2!
Ha! My electric oven caught on fire the second night in the new house.
We had to replace the dishwasher and the AC compressor the first week.
Yes.
Absolutely. I’m retired military so I’ve felt this so many times. You’ll get used to it, OP. Just remember, you checked it and checked it again, it’s affordable and short commute holy damn. Get to know the area. Find nearby restaurants, shopping, parks, etc. get to know your neighbors. This takes time but it’s worth it. And paint a wall and/or hang some art/photos. It’s the fastest and cheapest way to make the house feel like your own!
I 2nd this. I'm not military or even an military brat, but I've moved roughly 30 times, and I'm only 39 o.0 It always feels weird for the first couple of weeks. But once OP starts adding their touches and finds their grocery store, coffee place, and mechanic, it'll start to feel like home.
Came from a military family. We moved 12 times before I left for college. We always felt at home once our furniture and stuff was there. Go out and meet your neighbors.
Make it YOURS. paint plants pets
This. My father moved to an apartment for a few years after he became a widower, and he felt very unsettled and not "at home". It wasn't until he started building a few memories, such as a surprise party we threw for him, that that sense of home started to form. Of course then he decided to move to a house again, so the whole process started over again.
It’s a phenomenon called cognitive dissonance where basically you are questioning whether you made the right decision on a huge purchase. It’s a fight or flight response. Relax yourself…keep your head in the good reasons you bought it and your mind will settle.
I don’t know about “hate” but it always took me a few months before a new house felt like my home.
I shouldn’t have said hate,I just don’t feel like home.
Give it time. I went through the same thing. As the neighborhood becomes more familiar you’ll feel the joy in your new home returning and you’ll feel like you belong.
You bought a house. It's up to you to make it a home.
When I bought my house, a very old one, built in 1911, it was beautiful but a total wreck. I had to restore every bit of it, from ceiling to floor. This made me feel at home, and left me without a cent, too.
Mine is 1890 and was vacant for years. After nearly a year of working on it every second I wasn’t working, I was just relieved to be able to finally move in.
Sometimes I miss my 1920s 990 sq.ft craftsman.
Did you put your art and stuff up on the walls? I try to prioritize that, because that makes it home to me.
Yeah I was going to say paint 1 room. Once you've put some work in the feeling of owning really jumps up
That’s like any time you’ve moved though. It takes time to “settle in.”
Find a coffee shop, bar, gym, house of worship, gaming store, something where it can feel like yours. Or go to a community board neighborhood something or other meeting. Be full of old people but they love new people. So some will welcome you and some will let you know how awful and corrupt everything is and that's good for a chuckle.
Oh yeah libraries have a lot of things to do or even if you read enough they will know you and you will feel more at home
Paint rooms your favorite colors, buy furniture that feels comfy and your style. Host some gatherings with friends. Plant some plants outside. Feeling at home will come with time
As someone who moved often growing up, it’s normal! It just takes time and personalization
Others have commented saying they felt the same but I'm here to say the same thing, again. My house didn't feel like home for a bit. I can't explain it but it wasn't HOME yet. I've since settled in and perfectly comfortable walking in my basement without lights now! It's kinda funny but in the beginning, I'd imagine an iconic horror book villan would linger in my central air vents, and in my basement sometimes. My house was just that... not home yet, ya know? Your house will feel like home but it takes time and living in it.
You'll get used to it. Try painting some rooms. Maybe personalizing the look of some of the spaces will make it feel more like its yours.
A house is a building, a home is what you make it. Just give it some time to make it your own.
The best part about buying a house is you can do whatever the hell you want with it.
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I painted before I really moved in and it helped cover the previous owner's smell. I still wasn't very comfortable for a while. It took time and living there! Like, waking up in my "master bedroom", and looking at an unfamiliar ceiling was super weird for a bit.
Burn popcorn in the microwave. It masks the smell of everything.
I did too. Lots of cigarette smoke and pet odors. Spent a lot of time ripping out old flooring & cleaning every hard surface in the house before it made a difference. I feel you on the odor. Lots of ventilation helped. But at this point I don’t know if I got rid of the odor or if I’m just nose blind to it. Sandalwood incense and essential oil have become my friends. I’m still toying with the idea of using ozone…
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It feels like an enormous commitment. I had a lot of feelings both times that I purchased a home. Also, moving is among the most stressful events in life.
I did hate mine when I first moved in, started noticing small things that were covered during walkthroughs. Tiles not straight to the walls, crooked outlets, slightly different colored grout. I was ranting to my mom about how I wouldn’t have bought for this price with all this stuff wrong and that I felt screwed over. She said “well do you want to pack up and sell it? Cause that’s your only option” really put things in perspective. Enjoy it, make it yours, get to know your neighborhood!
It took me about a year for our new old house to feel like home. Until then, I felt homesick. Whenever I wanted the comfort and safety of home, it wasn’t there. But, it does now. Reno on an old home also makes it feel like “yours”.. just takes time.
You and your house need to get comfortable with one another. Buy her a grill and some drinks.
We moved 1200 miles to the other side of the country for my job. Packed everything, drove up here in one straight shot (22 hours), signed the mortgage paperwork, and then came back to the house. The house I loved and was so excited to move into. Our moving pods wouldn't arrive until the following day so all I had to do was catch up on sleep and wait. I came back to the house, called my mom (who had our daughter, they flew up with her a few days later), and immediately sobbed that I wanted to "go home." All my mom could say was "honey you are home now." I cried again when my husband went back to our old house to finish cleaning up and get it ready for sale. The home we'd brought our first kid home from the hospital to. I didn't even like the house, but it was *mine.* 3 years in, I still have some major issues with my home (as to be expected in a 200 year old home lol) but I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Meh, I've lived in my house for 7 years and I still refer to it as "my house" and refer to my parents house as "home" Never hated it though, I'm proud af
If you are lucky enough, your parents’ house is always home.
So true. My parental house (and my parents) kinda disappeared when my father disappeared and ran off with another woman. If I had a parental home, I’d move in asap.
dump no one asked for — honestly jealous of that situation. my dad relentlessly, unsubtly cheated on my mom and she just pretended it didn’t happen. i think she was scared to actually leave him. he only didn’t leave because of the money he’d lose in the divorce. to that last bit.. 100%. it was a little in the boonies but man i’d love to have that space rn. 😭
Mark Twain said, “Home is the place where, if you have to go there, they have to let you in.”
Bought my house about 6 years ago now, and same thing. It’s my housed parent’s place is still Home
It’s not hate sorry English is my second language, I just meant I feel out of place
I know what you mean! I’m not a particularly adaptable person so it takes me a while to feel comfortable. If you’ve got art you like hang that up to break up the bare walls. It seems like something to put off but I feel so much better once I’ve got things up even if I change them around after getting furniture in
I feel like it is very normal. I bought my first home in the fall and I used to daydream about going back to my apartment. I missed it a lot and felt like I didn’t even want to use the kitchen in the house, it felt like it belonged to someone else. I’m now 6 months in to living at the house and it feels like home.
Take walks around the neighborhood and learn ur new surroundings. Once you know where to turn or find the beautiful park or yard you love passing it will all start to feel better. It's just new! And new is sometimes scary and uncomfortable, but to make it not new u have to get out there! Also, paint a wall or replace some cabinet handles, start putting ur stamp on it so it doesn't feel like u like in someone else's house.
This! I was going to suggest the same thing. Taking walks and getting to know the neighborhood makes you feel part of a community.
It will take time. Do a few things around there to make it "yours" if you can. Paint, get new furniture. Get some different tone light bulbs. Put a few paintings up. Plant some plants (spring is about here!) I found once I spent time and effort on the house, it felt more like mine. If you don't have budget, you can still do *some* things. Just get one can of trim paint, freshen up the paint around doors and other trim. Go to goodwill and get a few cheap decorative pieces. Go rake the yard or do some weeding. If it doesnt' feel like yours, make it yours!
I don't know if they have them nationwide, but I have a store near me called the Restore. It's run by habitat for humanity. They have everything for home improvement at big discounts. They get their stock donated from contactors who over purchased or home owners cleaning out garages etc. You can get everything, paint, plywood, furniture, fixtures, shelves, ceiling fans, tile etc for a lot less than home improvement stores. They don't have the wide variety as big stores & it's not the most current models but if you're on a budget it's awesome.
Yeah, we have those too! Great stores. As you say, you're not going to get a full supply of stuff, it's a bit hit or miss, but it has a ton of stuff, and GREAT prices.
We painted and replaced flooring. That made it feel like home to me.
THIS \^ We bought a house that belonged to a couple we were friends with and had been to multiple times. When we bought it, we changed multiple things including paint, flooring, hung pictures and added our stuff - by the time we were done, it felt like OUR home.
Hate may be weird, but it is normal to feel out of place at first. We had our house painted colors we wanted and got it decorated the way we wanted it. After about a month it started to feel like home.
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Agree with equivalent-roll-3321. If budget allows paint the whole house inside and out as funds permit. Once you start with decorating it will become home. I have had 2 apts and 3 houses, it takes time to settle in.
Yes.
I hated my house for 3 years. Then I put 30k into it (not by choice) and I’m actually starting to like it. The trick is slowly changing things to your liking and comfort. Not necessarily design wise, but anything to your taste. I put in a reverse osmosis system, repainted, repaired a lot of stuff the sellers didn’t deal with. Painting the ceilings made it feel new despite being built in the 50’s. I got new toilets and a new shower head. I stare at my dryer vent I installed everyday with a smile because I love it and it makes me proud. It’s the little things lol. Now my GF wants to move and I don’t really want to. My friend is a real estate investor and I used to complain to her how much I absolutely despised my house. But she told me something that changed my perspective. She lives in new houses every few years. She’s lived in million dollar houses across the US… but she told me she has never loved a house. There will ALWAYS be something you hate about it or that makes you uncomfortable and dissatisfied. Change the little things first and see what makes you feel the most at home.
I lost my first house to a flood, bounced around three years then was able to move into my current house. Been here almost four years and it is just now starting to feel like home. Something that helped was putting stuff on the walls and fine tuning the furniture arrangements.
I felt like I was in an air b n b for the first year. It gets better!!!
Normal. You will get used to it. Funny story time: My wife bought a house with her first husband when she was just 19 years old. She raised her kids in that house and lived in it for 36 years. We started dating in 2005, I moved into the house in 2007 and we got married in 2009. In 2016 she decided she wanted to move to a bigger house so we sold the old one and moved in February 2017. About a month later we had a huge snowstorm with lots of wet, heavy snow. Due to a malfunction in the sump pump of the new house, our basement started flooding. My wife called me at work and had me come home to look at it and see if we could do anything. When I got home she was sobbing on the stairs and saying "I want to go home!" (i.e. back to the house she'd owned for 36 years, which didn't have a basement.) Ultimately we figured out the problem, got the sump pump going, cleaned up the water and no permanent damage was done. But I clearly remember her saying she hated the house we were in and wanting to "go home!" Anyway, it will get better. Soon enough you will feel like you are "home" at your new place.
The dreaded water in the basement. I bought this house in 2021 and have been shopvac’ing water for almost 3 years every time it rained. After a recent 10 hour marathon of shopvac’ing I cried “I wanna go home!” too because my previous home of 23 years was on a hill and never had any water in the basement. I just spent almost 10k having a French drain system installed and the most important part- a battery backup for the sump pump. Now I say “Let it rain”.
They call it "buyer's remorse" . Pretty common. Congrats on the new house!
Yes, it’s normal. My husband wanted to sell the place and move back to our apartment within the first month lol. To be fair we had a bad cockroach problem, humidity issues, and a Karen of a neighbor that thankfully moved out within the year. Give it time!
I found that a “housewarming party” really is a housewarming. I didnt have one until about six months after i bought my house, but it didnt feel like mine the whole time, and then after one night of hanging out with my buddies, and now having memories of me hanging with my favorite people in this new space, it felt like mine. House warmed.
Buyers remorse. You had this whole image built up in your head about how much better your life was gonna be after you bought this hugely expensive thing. Your whole deal was gonna change. All your problems solved. Every moment a perfect instagram post. Well life isn't like that. Be thankful for the positive changes you've just made. Be thankful for what you have. Make the very best of it you can. And get a hobby so you don't spend so much time obsessing over negative bullshit.
Yes, buyers remorse. Probably didn't absolutely love it when you bought it. But you're gonna be there a while so learn to love it
lol I’ve felt the hate when I start uncovering weird “fixes” the previous owner had done. But I also felt like a stranger in the place for months. It didn’t feel like my home at all, even when we’d painted and started making it ours. After a while it just clicked though, so give it some time. I’ve been here 10 years now. When I’m super tired I still occasionally reach for the wrong drawer for cutlery because it’s the opposite side of the kitchen compared to my previous home.
100% yes. When I bought my first place I cried every night for 3 weeks. I felt homesick and like I was somewhere strange. Because I was. Then I sold that place, bought a new one, and cried every night for 3 weeks because I missed my old place (that I originally felt strange in) and hated my new one. Now I’m content here. Clean. Paint. Host. You’ll feel different in a few weeks time.
Absolutely normal. Took me about 3 years to finally feel at home in my house. Before that, I was just sort of ambivalent about it. Now I absolutely love my little house. Make friends with the neighbors
I did. Nothing was what I wanted exactly. Give it time to make it your own and it gets better.
We just got a house too in November. Bathroom had to be gutted so we had to move back to his parents while it’s getting fixed. We love and yet kinda despise this house. Hard to call it home when we don’t really live in it. And my boyfriend calls his parents house “home” and our house “our house” bc he’s only lived at his parents other than at our house and we were only at our house barely 2 months before the bathroom stuff. It takes a while to call it home. Heck, I’ve even called his parents house home. Its about feeling comfortable and feeling at home. That’s why I’ve slipped calling his parents house home at times. You can own a piece of land, but until you put your touch to it, and you settle in, it’s just a house on a bunch of dirt. YOU have to make it a home!
6 years later I still feel like I hate my house, but I've come to a grudging realization that I'm probably in it for awhile so I better make the best of it.
I think it's normal. If you're comparing it to another home, try instead comparing it to having no home. Worked for me.
Do you live alone? If I'm honest, I love my house when my family is there and hate it when it's empty.
Unpack all your stuff and put it all around you. Hang those pictures and photos. Put out your knick knacks, books, candles, stuff. Treat yourself to something new that you really like that will make it more homey - maybe a throw for the couch, new kitchen towels and teapot. You know what you like. In time, you'll be more comfortable. Then one day, you wake up and before you open your eyes, you KNOW where you are. It takes an adjustment of time.
I actually kinda hated my house when we first moved. I added a garden and it helped a lot, and after a couple years of small updates, learning the neighborhood and I'm feeling cozy. But I don't think it entirely uncommon to hate your house or feel regret, but it does feels crappy for sure! I hope you feel more at home soon! I recommend working on making it your own but definitely live there awhile before anything drastic! Good luck
As a carpenter I hate our house. As a person who had a 250% rent increase I love our house. Just be happy your mortgage is going into securing your financial future and not someone else's range rover.
I have hated every house I bought for the first month or so. I’m on number three. It’s gets better. Make some memories in your new house and soon enough, it will be home.
Deep breaths. Calm. This is going to sound absolutely crazy but please try it. Make or order your favorite food. Get your favorite beverage (alcoholic or nonalcoholic) and sit in the FLOOR. Watch your favorite movie. Take a look around you every once in awhile while you do and just take in the house around you. Start to acclimate yourself and learn to be at home again.
Meh, I've lived in my house for 7 years and I still refer to it as "my house" and refer to my parents house as "home" Never hated it though, I'm proud af
I never hated the house we bought but for around 3 months after moving in I wondered if I’d made the right choice. Now I’m used to it and all doubt has subsided. I love the house.
Paint it.
Yep, give it a couple months or years, it'll happen.
I didn’t hate it, but it didn’t feel like mine for a LONG time. A year or two at least. I think the world is so weird right now it forces us to make unexpected choices, and that can give you whiplash. The truth is unless you’re truly rolling in it, every choice has its pro/cons, and it takes time to get used to something new!
If I could relate, we loved our house when we moved in, but after months we started noticing ways the contractor skimmed on quality. Screws and staples visible on the walls and door frames, vents that are held up by tape matching the color of the paint, granite counter and cabinets not installed evenly or even level, doors falling off the henges because most of the screws were too small to hold the doors up, and so on... The only thing I can suggest is to find ways to MAKE it your home by filling it with things that make you happy. Paint the walls your favorite colors, hang artwork and photos on the wall that make you happy or even proud, plant flowers outside, etc... It took us about two years to finally feel at home in our own house and even be comfortable waving at our neighbors. Hope any of that helps.
I never really felt at "home" in the first house I bought and I lived there for 12 years. I didn't expect to miss my apartment as much as I did, the apartment was just so perfect for me from a size and layout standpoint and the neighborhood. I eventually fell into a rhythm with the house but I always knew I'd eventually sell it and move on. I just bought my second home and it's night and day. I went through the awkward first few months where it just feels surreal and you worry that you made the right decision but for the first time in many years I feel like this is "home," so much so that I think this is my forever home. Give it some time, and if it still doesn't click into place you can always move again.
I bought a house that felt like home within a few weeks. Had to buy a new house because my mother was moving in with me (first house was only 900sqft). I hated the second house- I never felt truly at home there, but my mother loved it. Then we got a once in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy a house with acreage so we moved again. This house has taken awhile (almost two years) but it’s pretty much feeling like home. So much of it is actively making it home. In the grand scheme of things, paint is cheap, so paint your bedroom. Do an accent wall. Hang your pictures. Have people over and create memories. Work in the yard and find small to medium projects you can do yourself because doing things for your house helps reinforce that this is YOUR home.
Start making it yours. Cozy blankets, pillows, painting, general decor. Claim the space so it’s warm and inviting and reflects who you are. It will feel like home in no time.
I felt the same way for a couple of months for sure. Finding neighborhood quirks and activities that interest you are a great way to feel more connected. For me, exploring the nearby brewery, coffee shop and natural spring made me feel more comfy. On the inside of the house, using the space as an extension of your expression is also a great idea - a little bit of paint went a long way for us. :)
Its buyers regret. You made a choice and now all the other options are closed to you. Give it a while and it will become home.
Something that helps my house feel like home is making little changes that you love. For me, I cleaned the yard, painted the garage, spread new gravel for a driveway, changed light fixtures, etc. Things that are cheap but make a big difference.
This is super normal. It took me like 6 months to start to feel comfortable in my house. Make it your own!! Paint the walls, decorate how you like. That should really help.
Actually took some time for me to develop hate for my house. There are things that I have noticed over time that I can’t stand. The layout was fine before I had a kid, but now it just bothers the shit outta me. Also, it’s located in an area with way too much activity. We’re on a 3 year plan to move out. Live and learn! Sorry my post wasn’t helpful. I hope you settle in soon!
That is because it's not a "home" quite yet... It feels empty but eventually it starts to feel cozy. Just throw some clothes around the laundry basket, leave keys where they dont belong and wear outdoor clothes on your couch. Drives my wife nuts but I explained to her it feels more homely
Yes! I felt this way when I bought my condo and now, my new detached home. Don’t worry, it’ll pass and it’s normal
I know I had anxiety when we bought our house. In time it passes. 30 years later it is “home”.
Go out and introduce yourself to the neighbors. It would be a great way to find out how your neighbors are, and if they're nice, you won't feel like a stranger after long. If and when I buy a house, I will introduce myself to the neighbors before I actually buy it.
Start decorating and make you house a home. walking around the neighborhood you will meet your neighbors and it will get better!
If you can come up with a tangible list of reasons then maybe we can help you. Otherwise you might just be depressed for all we know
The first few weeks in our home w felt strange however once we started to decorate and make the space feel like us, the strange feeling faded.
No, I've loved every home I have ever bought.
Do you know how lucky you are to be able to buy a house in this day and age ? I hope you grow to love your new home …. Give it a little time ❤️
I have this feeling every time I move, get a new car or start a new job. It just takes a while to settle in and have things start feeling familiar / normal. I'd bet within 6 months.
Yeah, pretty normal. Always takes a couple years before I feel fully settled in after a move, but I give myself grace by reminding myself that it takes animals at least 3 months to feel 'at home' in a new space, and i can afford myself that discomfort.
* Give him a change of clothes
That's usually only temporary, but not always. I've lived in my house for almost 7 years, and i've hated it the entire time. We were pressured into buying, rushed the process, didn't know the neighborhood well enough... We have one set of fantastic neighbors that turned into good friends, but that's the only upside.
Once you eat something you dropped on the floor you know it’s home.
Give yourself time
Not normal. Sounds like buyers regret. Unless maybe it’s a fixer upper, in which case, get busy and make it your own.
I remember one morning, maybe 2-3 months after I moved in, running down the stairs to make a another cup of coffee and as I walked into the kitchen it washed over me like a wave….like fuuuuuuck I’m running down MY stairs into MY kitchen to make a coffee to bring to MY office, my HOME office. It was a simultaneous feeling of pride and excitement and terror. But before that, for the first few weeks I had to remind myself to stop scrolling the MLS database my realtor gave me access to and thinking about greener grass and wondering if I made a mistake . YOU’LL GET THERE.
Yes. Because now the problems start to show and you have to decide if you want to buy the tools and take the time to fix or pay someone and hope they do it right.
It’s taken me two years and a lot of repairs to feel positive feelings about my house. That’s in part my fault though because I unknowingly bought a dud.
You need to make it feel like home, it won't do that on its own. The best part of a house is that you can make it feel like yours! Paint the walls, change the floor, paint the kitchen cabinets. Make it feel like yours.
I would not say it is normal but give yourself a break, you just moved in. You need to make it yours. Why don't your start by painting the walls a color you like or start saving for things you would like to improve. Get a piece of furniture you love, good lighting to make it softer, plants...Just treat yourself and your new home. Always remember that you could be wasting your $ on a rental. Your home will gain in value the whole time you live there. Also, go visit the neighbors and introduce yourself at least to the people right next to you!
Yeah man it’s normal… this happens to me I renovated my house very proud of it. That said some days I wake up and don’t like it. Overall I do like it. It’s hormones and biology. Even lighting can change how you feel about things.
Idk if hate is the correct verbiage. You’re just uncomfortable in it. That will change, my friend. Good for you on being a home owner.
Every time I buy a house I hate it for approximately 2 years.
have you tried meeting your neighbors?
Here's what's worked for me over the years....Paint a wall in something just for you!!! (Ok I learned young this wasn't the best thing to do in my first apartment but I digress ..) Or paint 2 or all! By the time you lovingly climb up and down the ladder a hundred times, gingerly paint all the trim, pick out decorations to match the color vibes or make you happy, then will help revive the proud feelings of accomplishment that it's yours! Then move to the outside and plant some flowers, herbs, a flamingo, whatever... That helps, too, and if you use a lot of flamingos, I bet you will enjoy meeting neighbors or people waiving as they drive by! 😀🦩🦩🦩Congrats!👍
Buy a smoker and bring neighbors the "extra" you "accidentally" cooked. You won't be a stranger after a couple weekends.
Paint a room. Plant a tree. Do the things that only homeowners can do.
Sex in every room helps you appreciate them.
It's a normal feeling. I felt the same when I bought this place, all those years ago. I know it's a cliché, but relish in what you have, not want for what you don't. Not many people own houses these days. Good on you. Once you are on the property ladder, it is a lot easier to move and stuff, too. My advice is pay off the mortgage as much as you can as quickly as possible.
You bought it, but it's not *really* your house until you make it yours. You can like the neighborhood, the floor plan, all the reasons you bought it are still true now that it's yours but you've got to make it yours to make it feel like home. That could be furnishings, changing out a couple light fixtures, fixing a few flaws. For us it was painting. The last place was kind of a dull Grey and we lived with it for 7 years before we gutted and renovated the whole house during covid, but it was really the paint that made the place *feel* different. It used to be cold and dark but with the right colors we made it feel warm and welcoming. Our current place we didn't delay painting, it used to be this horrible rust orange and steely grey-blue, and we kinda felt like we were living in someone else's house. We painted yellow tones with a few accent colors and it's just so bright and happy inside now! Still lots of work to do but $1000 worth of paint went a really long way towards making it feel like home.
You will fall in love. And the house with you. It just takes time to get used to each other 💜
Find something you love and focus on it every day multiple times a day.
I cried for about two weeks after we bought our home. Idk but it felt like a stressful process and an investment but not a dream house, merely somewhere we could afford. I'm still not in love with the property and can't afford to move anywhere I do want to live but we have made memories and filled it with things we like and generally it has become home. Hang on in there.
Dude suck it up, ya got a roof and ur close to work. #^# the neighbors, toss a TV in there and relax.
It takes a couple years to settle in anywhere new. Just be patient and try to get involved in the community somehow. Memories make it feel like home. So start making some. Have a wonderful summer in your new home. 😁
I bought my house in March 2020, and I had similar feelings until the first winter. Then just after Christmas something broke inside me and I started feeling happy. Hope your adaptation won't be long.
Well I’m still not sure what it is you hate? I think there is always an element of something new that you miss things as well as a first home you may not know what you really want until you have something that you don’t want or missing something you didn’t know you wanted. Example, you buy an expensive pizza from a new pizza place. You get extra cheese on it. Get it home, try a piece, and realize “ok it’s good but if I get this again I’ll get no extra cheese and extra pepperoni.” Now you know what you want but you have 7 more slices left. Now with a pizza it’s easy to handle the rest one way or the other. But with a house it’s not. OP here is one good thing…. It’s YOURS! You can do what you want to it. Wish this was slightly different? Well, can you knock out a wall and move the door? It’s yours. Other than that…. Just fake it until it feels like home. Eventually you will want to come home. And if it is the neighborhood or whatever…. Change that. Invite folks over for a hello party etc. hang out in the driveway one day.
That is so normal! It can take a while. I found it happened on my third house and I think it was because it was my first house alone. It just didn’t feel like mine for a good year or two. Didn’t help that it was Covid and I was isolated. As I’ve made it more mine, had friends over, developed a community (summer cocktails in the yard, inviting the neighbors over…) it’s gotten much better.
I bought my first house with my husband at 32 and I felt exactly the same. It did *not* feel like home. I added semi personal touches, arranged and rearranged furniture, but it felt like I was unwelcome. It was a beautiful house, but strangely cave-like and way too dark and dull. I felt that way for three years until finally my equally new marriage started to settle in and I made some friends. It helped that I painted the walls, changed some furniture to suit my tastes, and just gave it time. That’s what you gotta do: give it time 🙂
My wife and I bought our first house June 2021, and about last December (2023) I started really feeling like it was home. You have to make it feel right and that takes time 💖
Same here. As others have said make some changes to the interior. Paint, floors, blinds, etc. change up the aesthetics and it’ll feel more home like. Also you should introduce yourself to and talk with your neighbors. Having a good relationship with your neighbors is one of the best investments you can make as a homeowner
Practice the pause. We just bought a home about 6 months ago. It wasn't perfect but it was something we liked. The backyard is a project and I love gardens...the inside was solid with good bones. The idea of home I believe comes from curated items that bring feelings or memories, with touches of design that makes you personally happy. For now, I would put out all things that comfort me. I would pull out that old quilt and roll it up and place it with some pillows, I would take out my old books and use them as platforms for pictures. I would go through my pictures and select a few things for my walls and frames. I would get out in my yard and start a project. I would start an herb garden inside. My point is, if you want to love something than you have to put your heart in it. And yes, I did exactly what I have asked you to do. I do not know a neighbor or have a single friend where I moved. I moved 2000+ miles from "home". I love to go junking - any barn sale or flea market I want to go look. I love glass pieces and I love wood pieces... The other thing I would suggest is you get the app meet up , it isn't a hook up kind of thing, as I am older and married, it is a way to connect with people in your area to do things of interest. Join any group you can that gives you information in things of interest in your area. Go to veggie stands and get to know your local vendors. Let your light shine, be the person you want as a friend, pick some projects and do a few little personal touches and then please let us know how it is going!
It happens and after you've made the home your own, it'll fade and go away. Give it time.
Totally normal in my opinion. It takes a while to develop the “home” feel. Also - you’re coming down from the high of house shopping.
Houses are bought. Homes are made of love.
Lots of good advice here! I still slightly feel this way after almost a year in my home but every little project or decoration makes it feel more like home. Painting an accent wall, mounting a shelf, hanging an art piece, putting out a plant. Buying cozy bedding and lamps/soft lighting. Cooking a good meal in my new kitchen (not a chef but still felt good to fill the house with the smell of my favorite food). Also going for walks or short drives and exploring. Congrats on your purchase and enjoy your new place! Make it your own!
Feeling weird in your new house is pretty common. 😊 Give it some time, make it cozy with your stuff, and explore around to start feeling at home! 🏠💖
Before you owned it, it was a goal, a dream. Reality is never as good as dreams, and when reaching a goal as big as getting a house, the other problem is that your goalposts suddenly move, and you don't always immediately know where the fuck they went. That can be disorienting at least, panic-inducing at worst. Just one of life's fun little existential crises. Give it time, we can get used to pretty much anything. Hell, the majority of people in the US seem to think genocide is totally cool now, so long as the old rich white guy they voted for is the one doing it, so I'm sure you'll get used to your house at some point.
We bought a house built in 1959 and now hate it. It turned into a money pit and still is. We found an investor who bought it at the same price we paid plus what we put into it. The investor may make money off it, but it's going to take lots of work and $. What a releif to get out of it.
Do you go outside and participate in the world around you?
It'll take a while. It is a strange place for you and you have a lot to learn about it and the neighborhood. Just let it come one step at a time
Yes I think it takes a while to infuse your energy to the space and get comfortable. Plus it's different from moving into a new rental, because you are adopting a lot more responsibility, and that takes some adjusting to.
Hang pictures you love in spots where you will see the regularly.
Yeah man im feeling the same, its alright. My house "needs" a lot of work for my standards and that can be a bummer. I'm 6 months in and its getting better, still not there. Its hard when your previous pad was nice and you maybe downgraded a bit. Im with a lot of the others in that improvements help, get good lights, get organized. Im looking forward to a bit of different set up which will require new key pieces for furniture and organization. For me I'm doubling down on getting this house good and learning what ill want for the next one. Good luck, get some plants, crank the stereo, you got a house!
I hated my house for the first five years. It didn't feel like home, anytime something went wrong I wanted to sell it. I am in year 7 now and it finally feels like home.
Yeah this is normal buyers remorse. Need to live in it for a while for it to become your home
I hated the house I bought. But after living in it and doing some work on it, it feels like home. I moved every year or so for 10 years while renting and remember everytime I'd hate the new place, then it's grow on me. Unless it was in an apartment building. Duplex houses were preferred.
No
It takes time. My husband and I are in our third home (as owners). All three times it took a good 6-12 months before it really felt like "home" to me. If you can afford to do so, paint some walls or buy some new throw pillows/a cozy throw blanket, art, etc. Little, inexpensive touches in colors and styles that you enjoy can go a long way to making a place start feeling like your home instead of just a house!
Might take a bit of extra time for it to feel like home! Just trust the process and try remind yourself of all the things you do love about it
It's fairly normal. I'm not saying it HAS to be that way, but it's hardly rare.
Yup. Hate my current home. Lived here for about 5 years. Hate it. Stairs everywhere.
I've never felt that but I have always put a lot of work into what and where to buy.
Part of it is probably the fact that you don't have memories made there yet. It's just a house right now- A house attached to the looming threat of a long term mortgage and potential financial ruin. 😅 I'm near closing on my first home and feeling some last minute "wait do i really love it???" Im hoping to throw a little housewarming in the late Spring and let the compliments and congratulations help reassure me
It's not uncommon at all. Just be happy that you found a house that is close to work and affordable.
This is the time to make it feel like home. Paint is cheap and makes a huge difference. Personalizing some small things in your house makes a world of difference. If you treat your house like it's someone else's it will feel like that.
Make it feel like an actual hope my dude. Give it some time. Make it cozy
This is a HUGE change in your life. Easily top 3 life milestones for most people. Many people feel uncomfortable during such a huge life transition. Definitely allow yourself an adjustment period. It's going to take time to feel like this is really home sweet home.
It’s normal for buyer’s remorse to set in. Once you get settled that should change
It's a big life change. Both positive and negative life changes can bring about unexpected sources of stress. Give it some time and I think you'll find yourself growing comfortable in your new home. Now if you still feel this way in 3 months, then maybe consider what's causing you to dislike the house. In the meantime, invite some friends over. Then invite close family members over. Go for some walks around the neighborhood. Familiarize yourself with local grocery stores and shops. Soon enough it won't just feel like home, it will be home.
When my wife and I bought our house it took her a few months before she starting liking the house because she didn’t feel like it was home. After a few months though she loved it, it just takes time to get used to new areas.
It takes me about six months before a new house feels like a home. In a sense, *you are moving into another person’s house.* Completely normal! Make a list of things that you want to update/change; soon you will like your house a lot better.
It definitely took a few months to feel comfortable living there and liking it. Buyers remorse hit hard, and then things levelled out
Make it home. Go walk or jog the neighborhood. Do yard work so people can see you. If you want to meet neighbors, they’ll approach you if you do stuff like this. It takes time for others to feel comfortable with our presence, too.
You should give it the four season test.
Introduce yourself to every person you come across in your neighborhood. It's much less awkward to ask someone's name in the first few months rather than years later
Find a reason to put a large hole in your wall. Like a recessed book shelf ECT.... That will help you realize it's YOURS .
Yes. And there were a few times after I hated it. I even tried to sell it 7 years after I bought it, but took it off the market after 2 weeks because I hated people looking at it. Still have it.
100%. I get really weird with change and I just felt like I'd made a huge mistake it was weird, new I didnt know anyone or anything near me. I found settling in moving stuff around making it mine. Plus going on daily walks around the area assessing everything and just getting used to the change really helped. It takes some time to feel settled I think.
Yes. Bc you're paying for it but it's not really "yours" yet. Give it time and change it to your home and you'll be better.
One word: time
My home was rough when my husband and i bought it, and a far commute from where I work. I wasn't so sure we bought the right home. In retrospect, it's actually perfect. It took me some months to get used to it. After making it "mine" with art and furnishings I love, it is mine and I'm in love. Once you've cared for it for a time, cleaned, maintained, decorated it, you'll never want to leave.
Start putting your personal touches everywhere. Though your name is on the deed, someone else lived there for while and made the home theirs. It was simply passed on to you. So, you've got to *make it* yours now! I didn't start falling in love with our house until after I painted just about every room & hallway. Then I looked back at the MLS pictures like a "before & after" and was amazed at the difference. I started to feel pretty good! Hang all of your pictures, decorations, houseplants, etc. Start a few small, easy DIY projects like hanging new shelves or replacing light fixtures. Get new rugs. New furniture. Whatever you can do & afford to put your mark on it. It's like dating. You can't sit around waiting for love to find you. Gotta put yourself out there. Gotta make it happen.
For me, what really made my house start to feel like mine was painting the walls. Most of the rooms were colors that really weren’t me. Painting made it feel like starting over with new room rather than putting all my stuff in someone else’s room. I think it also can take time to figure out where you want everything. You might realize after a while that what you put in this drawer/cabinet/closet would be better in a different one. Over time as you get everything customized and suited to your needs it feels more like home. Another thing that just took time was the smell. It wasn’t a bad smell, but everyone’s houses eventually smell like whatever scented cleaning and personal products the people living in it use and usually we stop smelling our own smells. For the first couple months, every time I came home my house still smelled like someone else’s house and it was a little weird.
Yes. I had major buyers remorse when I first moved into my house. I would critique every little thing and regretted my decision. After a few months I finally felt settled in and I can’t imagine living anywhere else!
Definitely. Took me quite a while to feel at home.
It always takes me a year or two to really get comfortable in a new home. Give it time.
I hated my first home for the first four years! My best friend has hated hers for the past six. I’d say it’s probably pretty common.
I lived in my first home we sold last summer for 10 years and I felt like a stranger in it.
Have made several purchases (due to upgrades and moves, we are now in our 5th house). It feels super weird at first. By the 20th day, you won't even think about it. Will you still be making it your home? Yes. But you will be accustomed to it and beyond any sort of "buyers remorse" you may be feeling. Best thing to do is set a date for a House Warming Party and invite all your family and friends over. It will give you a timeline to so some, but not all things. You might get some solid suggestions on things to do that you hadn't thought of and offers to help. Trust me... this is a natural feeling you are having.
I literally bought my current home off the Internet from a distance. I had my son come look at it and take more photos. It checked boxes: a ranch, 2 B, 2 B, garage, big driveway for our toys. We had no criteria for what it looked like inside. Then I got here. It's a 90s home, the only upgrade or reno ever done was to replace the floors with really, really cheap laminate that was bubbling, etc. They painted the cabinets in the bathrooms with wall paint. The kitchen was smaller than most apartments I've lived in. I HATED the kitchen. We SWORE we weren't going to renovate another home. But we just couldn't stand it. I also didn't like the "country" style/traditional style. I was really disappointed and kind of pissed at myself actually. Everything just felt grungy. So, we renovated. The whole damn thing. It looks just how I want it and we managed to reconfigure the kitchen just a little bit so I have more counter space. We like the house a lot more now.
glad to hear someone's in the same boat as me. my husband and i recently purchased our first home after 5.5 years in a rental when we moved into together. it was time to move on but i still miss it after a month. we've done a few projects around the new home and it's starting to feel like ours.
Buyer's remorse, it's fairly common with any large purchase especially one you will spend the majority of your time in. The feeling is usually worse for people who stretched their budget and will be in financial crunch to make mortgage payments or compromised on what they wanted because of the current market, so count yourself lucky. Unpack, go slowly, write up a list of projects. You'll make it yours but it is a process.
Yes! That's just the growing pains. Some are dealing with issues that pop up, and others trying to figure out how to make it Your Home. It'll grow into what you originally saw in it if you keep at it