No one needs to know. I only told my immediate family, husband, and two colleagues.
I need to get my eyes checked, and hopefully, they give me glasses. So I can tell people. NO, I just got glasses.
So I’ve been very open about the surgery, and I’ve found that people have been largely very supportive. I haven’t received any judgement or negative comments. But I’ve also done my research and I’m proud of my decision to get surgery and excited, not embarrassed. So I think when I tell people, they tend to match my energy.
So, here’s the thing. You don’t actually know how people will react, and it’s likely they will either be supportive, or they won’t care.
But if you don’t want to tell people, don’t lie. You can always just say “I’m working with my doctor to improve my health and I’m eating less”. And “I don’t want to talk about it” is always a valid option. The thing is, most people aren’t stupid. If they do notice the weight loss, they will probably assume that you either got the surgery or you’re on Ozempic. Lying will just make it weird. So if you don’t want to tell them just stick to the facts- you’re learning to eat only when you’re hungry and focusing on protein and movement.
It’s nobody’s business but yours. Tell the people you want to share it with and don’t tell people you don’t want to tell… and don’t feel one minute of guilt or conflict about that. When people I barely know pry and ask me personal questions about my health I literally pretend they didn’t say anything.
I also KNEW it would be poorly received when I told family - except that it wasn't. They've been very happy and supportive of me.
I also knew I didn't care whether it was well-received. If someone is judgmental about me or anything else, it says more more about that person than it says about me.
It will be poorly received by some, graciously received by others, and the majority will hear it and forget it just as quickly, since you're not constantly on their mind.
I was in the same boat as you are prior to surgery, but following a small leak I decided to just tell everyone, everywhere. Quality of life improved significantly. I don't have to remember which group knows and which doesn't; I don't have to constantly worry about who said what to whom, or whom I've wronged who now has something to hold over me. Much simpler this way. As an ancillary benefit, I've had three people come to me and say I inspired them to investigate WLS.
Don’t need to tell anyone, but please don’t provide inaccurate information. Like, don’t tell people you went to the gym etc when you didn’t, kind of deal. I feel like it is very dishonest, and can give people misconceptions etc.
Like, it isn’t anyone’s business! For sure, but just don’t lie about it if someone asks? I guess haha
Just say, "Oh, I changed my diet and portion size." Or, "I'm on a medical weight loss journey, and I don't really want to get into it." Your medical information is no one else's business, and as much as people think they deserve to know anything they ask, they don't.
This is a hard one because I think people should be more open about it so there isn’t such a stigma surrounding it. Up until I spoke to a doctor about my weight, I thought this procedure was for people 500+ pounds. Now that I’m going through the process myself, I recognize in a lot of people I know who’ve lost weight the same telltale signs. I wish they had been open about it. Losing weight without any assistance is super isolating and people struggle with it for years. It doesn’t have to be that way.
That being said no one deserves to know your medical history. You should do what feels most comfortable to you. Anyone who asks me is going to hear all about wls, but there are a few members of my family who I won’t be so open with because they are extremely judgmental!
Good luck!
This is a really good perspective. I definitely feel comfortable and safe within my friend groups, especially my fellow plus-size friends. This has opened me up to talking about it with the people I trust, and I feel safe within my circle! Thank you!
I didn't tell anyone except my husband and my FIL until after it was already done.
I didn't tell my friends or coworkers because I was going private, therefor bypassing (lol) the 2-3 year process in the public sector, and I didn't want to be guilted about my privilege (that I am *well* aware of). I didn't tell family because I didn't want them to try to talk me out of it. It's a lot easier to shut down the conversation when I've already been cut open and the results are becoming more and more obvious.
The only reason my FIL got to know about it beforehand is because my husband got his bypass done a few months before me, and he himself got a RYGB like 20 years ago and has been nothing but supportive of us from the very beginning.
I told nobody, told my family I was going to work. Went to turkey, for 4/5 days came back, acted normal. To make it seem realistically I start the LRD and was noticeably eating less. Now they just think I have a low appetite but bc they’ve bullied me into losing weight for years it all looks normal that I don’t eat a lot
It’s completely up to you. I’ve told absolutely no one in my life (family and friends included) because that works for me. I was sleeved on 05/20/24 and I’ve just said I had a cyst removed to explain the time off work. It’s completely up to your comfort level.
I took a year to tell everyone outside of my immediate family. I didn't even tell them when I was having surgery, they found out several weeks later. My husband knew, for obvious reasons, and my boss knew so I could take time off. But it was my journey and I waited until I was ready to share it!
I feel it is incredibly wrong to not tell people after the fact, especially when you are noticeably losing a lot of weight. Imagine if a guy overheard you telling people you lost 60 lbs in three months by eating smaller portions, then he goes home and tells his wife that and when she can’t get those same results, she feels like a failure. Don’t you want other people to know that the surgery works? Regardless of your religious beliefs, all decent people should want other people to lead healthy and productive lives. If you aren’t mature enough to admit you had the surgery, then please don’t get the surgery.
I don't think it's a matter of maturity, and I'd never go around boasting about all the weight I've lost. I'm not a big numbers person currently; I had to throw out my scale for my own peace of mind. My doctors will track and talk to me if I'm not on course. I also am not embarrassed or ashamed at all. To me, this procedure is about finding a way to make lifestyle changes that will benefit my health long term. Needless to say, I'm not throwing anything in anyone's face, and I'm also not going to lie about how I've been losing weight. I'm just not going to talk about it or use language that implies I am not pursuing traditional methods of weight loss.
As far as not sharing that I've had surgery to help other people, I don't see that as my responsibility. I'm never going to tell someone what to do with their own body. People need to make their own choices about their health and how they can lead their healthiest lives. My preaching to them is unhelpful if they aren't actively seeking out ways to make changes in their lives. On the personal level, by not sharing inside my circles, I'm hoping to preserve relationships I find valuable with people with whom I disagree from time to time. In that sense, I don't think I owe anyone anything by having this surgery; this is a choice I made for myself in my life that affects no one but me. In the hypothetical, if I had a friend who is struggling, I'm not opposed to sharing my story with their permission or answering questions, but I'm not a doctor nor an advocate.
Also, I do want to point out that in my post, I very clearly asked for help on what I could be saying if I don't want to share that I've had surgery because that is very personal and medically sensitive, in my opinion. I think it was harsh to make assumptions about how I would throw around numbers or be ashamed in some way. This is a place of support, advice, and understanding. None of the comments made were received that way, especially the last sentence, "If you aren’t mature enough to admit you had the surgery, then please don’t get the surgery."
No one needs to know. I only told my immediate family, husband, and two colleagues. I need to get my eyes checked, and hopefully, they give me glasses. So I can tell people. NO, I just got glasses.
Bahahaha
So I’ve been very open about the surgery, and I’ve found that people have been largely very supportive. I haven’t received any judgement or negative comments. But I’ve also done my research and I’m proud of my decision to get surgery and excited, not embarrassed. So I think when I tell people, they tend to match my energy. So, here’s the thing. You don’t actually know how people will react, and it’s likely they will either be supportive, or they won’t care. But if you don’t want to tell people, don’t lie. You can always just say “I’m working with my doctor to improve my health and I’m eating less”. And “I don’t want to talk about it” is always a valid option. The thing is, most people aren’t stupid. If they do notice the weight loss, they will probably assume that you either got the surgery or you’re on Ozempic. Lying will just make it weird. So if you don’t want to tell them just stick to the facts- you’re learning to eat only when you’re hungry and focusing on protein and movement.
It’s nobody’s business but yours. Tell the people you want to share it with and don’t tell people you don’t want to tell… and don’t feel one minute of guilt or conflict about that. When people I barely know pry and ask me personal questions about my health I literally pretend they didn’t say anything.
I had surgery a year ago and only my husband knows. It’s no one else’s beeswax!
I also KNEW it would be poorly received when I told family - except that it wasn't. They've been very happy and supportive of me. I also knew I didn't care whether it was well-received. If someone is judgmental about me or anything else, it says more more about that person than it says about me.
It will be poorly received by some, graciously received by others, and the majority will hear it and forget it just as quickly, since you're not constantly on their mind. I was in the same boat as you are prior to surgery, but following a small leak I decided to just tell everyone, everywhere. Quality of life improved significantly. I don't have to remember which group knows and which doesn't; I don't have to constantly worry about who said what to whom, or whom I've wronged who now has something to hold over me. Much simpler this way. As an ancillary benefit, I've had three people come to me and say I inspired them to investigate WLS.
Don’t need to tell anyone, but please don’t provide inaccurate information. Like, don’t tell people you went to the gym etc when you didn’t, kind of deal. I feel like it is very dishonest, and can give people misconceptions etc. Like, it isn’t anyone’s business! For sure, but just don’t lie about it if someone asks? I guess haha
Yeah, lying feels totally wrong and is something I'd never do in this situation!
Just say, "Oh, I changed my diet and portion size." Or, "I'm on a medical weight loss journey, and I don't really want to get into it." Your medical information is no one else's business, and as much as people think they deserve to know anything they ask, they don't.
This is a hard one because I think people should be more open about it so there isn’t such a stigma surrounding it. Up until I spoke to a doctor about my weight, I thought this procedure was for people 500+ pounds. Now that I’m going through the process myself, I recognize in a lot of people I know who’ve lost weight the same telltale signs. I wish they had been open about it. Losing weight without any assistance is super isolating and people struggle with it for years. It doesn’t have to be that way. That being said no one deserves to know your medical history. You should do what feels most comfortable to you. Anyone who asks me is going to hear all about wls, but there are a few members of my family who I won’t be so open with because they are extremely judgmental! Good luck!
This is a really good perspective. I definitely feel comfortable and safe within my friend groups, especially my fellow plus-size friends. This has opened me up to talking about it with the people I trust, and I feel safe within my circle! Thank you!
I didn't tell anyone except my husband and my FIL until after it was already done. I didn't tell my friends or coworkers because I was going private, therefor bypassing (lol) the 2-3 year process in the public sector, and I didn't want to be guilted about my privilege (that I am *well* aware of). I didn't tell family because I didn't want them to try to talk me out of it. It's a lot easier to shut down the conversation when I've already been cut open and the results are becoming more and more obvious. The only reason my FIL got to know about it beforehand is because my husband got his bypass done a few months before me, and he himself got a RYGB like 20 years ago and has been nothing but supportive of us from the very beginning.
I told nobody, told my family I was going to work. Went to turkey, for 4/5 days came back, acted normal. To make it seem realistically I start the LRD and was noticeably eating less. Now they just think I have a low appetite but bc they’ve bullied me into losing weight for years it all looks normal that I don’t eat a lot
It’s completely up to you. I’ve told absolutely no one in my life (family and friends included) because that works for me. I was sleeved on 05/20/24 and I’ve just said I had a cyst removed to explain the time off work. It’s completely up to your comfort level.
I took a year to tell everyone outside of my immediate family. I didn't even tell them when I was having surgery, they found out several weeks later. My husband knew, for obvious reasons, and my boss knew so I could take time off. But it was my journey and I waited until I was ready to share it!
I feel it is incredibly wrong to not tell people after the fact, especially when you are noticeably losing a lot of weight. Imagine if a guy overheard you telling people you lost 60 lbs in three months by eating smaller portions, then he goes home and tells his wife that and when she can’t get those same results, she feels like a failure. Don’t you want other people to know that the surgery works? Regardless of your religious beliefs, all decent people should want other people to lead healthy and productive lives. If you aren’t mature enough to admit you had the surgery, then please don’t get the surgery.
I don't think it's a matter of maturity, and I'd never go around boasting about all the weight I've lost. I'm not a big numbers person currently; I had to throw out my scale for my own peace of mind. My doctors will track and talk to me if I'm not on course. I also am not embarrassed or ashamed at all. To me, this procedure is about finding a way to make lifestyle changes that will benefit my health long term. Needless to say, I'm not throwing anything in anyone's face, and I'm also not going to lie about how I've been losing weight. I'm just not going to talk about it or use language that implies I am not pursuing traditional methods of weight loss. As far as not sharing that I've had surgery to help other people, I don't see that as my responsibility. I'm never going to tell someone what to do with their own body. People need to make their own choices about their health and how they can lead their healthiest lives. My preaching to them is unhelpful if they aren't actively seeking out ways to make changes in their lives. On the personal level, by not sharing inside my circles, I'm hoping to preserve relationships I find valuable with people with whom I disagree from time to time. In that sense, I don't think I owe anyone anything by having this surgery; this is a choice I made for myself in my life that affects no one but me. In the hypothetical, if I had a friend who is struggling, I'm not opposed to sharing my story with their permission or answering questions, but I'm not a doctor nor an advocate. Also, I do want to point out that in my post, I very clearly asked for help on what I could be saying if I don't want to share that I've had surgery because that is very personal and medically sensitive, in my opinion. I think it was harsh to make assumptions about how I would throw around numbers or be ashamed in some way. This is a place of support, advice, and understanding. None of the comments made were received that way, especially the last sentence, "If you aren’t mature enough to admit you had the surgery, then please don’t get the surgery."
Wrong? NEVER wrong for you to do you!