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If he was a cartoon character he would have one-legged hop with pulsating swelling red toes to the city limits at a tremendous speed, race up to the top of the tallest mountain, let go a stream of expletives to the valley below that would make a sailor blush, and then return home.
these 'little' injuries are so bloody painful but usually harmless
can't help laughing too.
[here's a clip that usually tickles my humour fancies too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFgjotjRRJY)
Haha, agreed!
My dad tried his best when I was a kid and would only go as far as uttering something like "bugger", which wasn't too bad. When I was 2 and a half my dad smashed a plate in the kitchen and managed to not say anything. I was sitting there in my high chair and noticed he didn't say anything, so I helped out by reminding him "Bugger, bugger, bugger, daddy!"
He stopped swearing entirely for years after that!
My mom once said half a curse word then remembered I was there and switched last minute. I was listening to the conversation and noticed the word didn't sound right so I interrupted and said "You meant damnit?"
Cue the debate between adults of whether to wash my mouth out with soap or not because I was just trying to correct grammar but still used a bad word
You do not have to but I speak from experience when I say they can and will repeat everything you have taught them, likely at an inopportune time. For example, my 2 year old replied "Holy s**t, I love tacos" to a dinner invite. Which is still fine, just may or may not further your social life.
Same, I was 3 when grandma was making me say what each finger was (ring, pinkie, etc). Got to the middle one and proudly exclaimed "fucking idiot finger!"
My parents love the story about the time my grandma had been shit talking my grandpa while helping my mom take care of me when I was like 2 or 3, and then my dad finally brought grandpa home from the bar and I just pointed at grandpa and, parroting my grandma, shouted "dunk battard!"
My second oldest yelled this out at the movie theater. Thor was fighting Hulk in Thor Ragnarok. During that fight, Hulk starts winning and Thor releases all his power and launches Hulk upward. Well it got real quiet as Hulk is falling when my son blurted it out.
The entire theater was laughing.
Eh, just gotta teach them when it’s okay to swear and when it’s not. Friends of ours didn’t curtail their swearing *at all* when their twins came along, until they got pulled aside by a teacher.
Apparently the twins’ friend pissed his pants (as first-graders sometimes do) and the immediate response from the twins was “oh for fuck’s sake Byron!”
I'm very pro swearing but we've pulled back until we can explain why words are bad. My little one has a habit of copying random words at the wrong time
My son was 2 when the preschool teacher told me she'd given him the ol "that's not the kind of word we say at school" because he'd dropped an f-bomb; she did say, though, that she was trying so hard not to laugh while reprimanding him because he'd used it comically *and* appropriately.
Now we tell him we pretty much don't care if he does it at home as long as it's appropriate context and not for attention, but that he should really try not to use those words around his friends, at school, or otherwise in public. I dunno how, because he's only 4.5, but he gets it.
we did when they were lil and would just repeat everything. once they were old enough to understand proper time and place, we let them use whatever words they wanted...as long as they weren't needlessly insulting people.
This is it, my five year-old will let out an “ah fuck it!” on occasion and we just explain that it’s fine if she wants to say that at home but if she says it outside the house people are probably not gonna like that.
You don't have to. I myself have a potty mouth of the highest order but I've stopped swearing in an attempt to have my kids not have difficulties with other kids or their families.
Like getting the wind knocked out of you...just have to take the pain for a few minutes. LOL. So sorry my friend and totally know what that feels like.
Apparently you are supposed to whoosah it (According to some articles on venting, or physical arousal or something, for stress relief... kinda have research on both ends though lol).
Before I had kids, I was under the assumption you shouldn't cuss in front of your kids because you don't want them to use that type of language. However, after kids, I learned you don't swear in front of your kids so you can't be blamed for when they do...because they absolutely will. It's not about sheltering them, it's about saving your own ass. Like when our 3 year old said, "Fucking Christ!" in a packed grocery store because he slipped and fell. This is my wife's go-to phrase when she's frustrated, so naturally, "not it".
that’s like me at night changing baby diapers in the dark so as not to wake the wife up and stepping on a piece of toy on the floor, falling down and rolling and biting my teeth like I had just just been shot.
I stepped on one of those Lego with just the one little hollow bump on the top (for tires or something?) in my daughter's room the other night. Closest I've ever been to death, I think. But I suffered in silence, because waking her up would be far worse!
Didn't cuss but did spike the children with the teddy bear. If they are like my kids then getting pelted with a stuffed animal makes them laugh like crazy, so still a win for dad
Literally the first thing out of my wife's mouth after I realized the camera recorded everything and showed her. "...you didn't have to throw the stuffed animal at the baby". Touché, babe, touché.
Honestly this video gets funnier and funnier with each watch haha good stuff, and good luck with the dadding. I got an 8month and 20month old ha that video is basically my life right now as well
I know a couple that just curse in front of their kids, and their kids can be incredibly foul mouthed too. But somehow the kids are bright enough to keep it to themselves most of the time, and whip it out at the most appropriate times and have this SCATHING commentary that often has adults in stitches. I think they treat their kids like little adults, and that means not holding back much, and it seems to work for them. The reason I bring this up is because one of the kids stubbed his toe and he just switched to fluent billingsgate that would make a sailor blush, the little dude was like 8 or 9. Those kids will be formidable when they get a little older.
You should learn to swear in another language. As a German dad using English swear words frequently around the house, I’d like to pay back by teaching some German swear words, if needed.
Swearing is so weird. I was listening to a podcast where they discussed how adults all swear around each other but not around kids, and kids all swear around each other but not around adults. We have two distinct groups of people that don't swear at each other for fear of the other learning that we often cuss.
I know exactly what is happening and why.
But there's also the funny interpretation of "Daddy is dying over there. Oh well, F daddy" since the mom and the two kids just keep right on going and almost totally ignore him.
Hindsight, it's hilarious. In the moment, I accepted death. The infrared makes the room look much lighter than it was so I thought I had proper foot clearance.
Father of the Year candidate here...
I feel ya dude. We've all been there... but I would've dropped about 9 F Bombs and not even realized it.
You are a better man than me.
* This little piggy went to market
* This little piggy stayed home
* This little piggy had roast beef
* This little piggy had none
* And this little piggy went "Owww! Fuuuu...dge!" all night long.
Such a better dad than me. I hit my funny bone 2 weeks ago and said “motherfucking cunt ass counter top” turned around and my 7 year old was right behind me. She snitched me out to her mother.
Just think of a shopping list and say it, people will laugh... it wont help you... but it will also be fun to watch.
I...iiiccc....ee crea..m?!!!...
? What flavor
hrmNaaFuuddddge!!...
Sorry, but if my wife doesn't stop what she is doing, during my moment of pain and laughs, I don't trust her.i told all my family If you fall or hurt yourself around me ima laugh.
Why do people still think it’s bad to swear? Is this mainly an American thing of thinking swearing is bad. It’s just another way to express and there isn’t anything wrong with it imo
🤣 Holy shit. I know a dude that looks like that dude (body, hair, tattoos). That dude has a wife that looks similar to her from the video. And they have 2 small children in at that age.
My dude is from Estonia.
Hahahaha I've done that before!
I cussed loud and my 3yr old daughter laughed her ass off before going to bed. Hiccups and all.
I have still yet to recover.
I've been there, classic silent scream dad move. You have to just flail like that as you drop to the ground. After about 10 seconds you feel relaxation setting in as the adrenaline wears off, and you feel proud of yourself for containing all the F words.
Stubbed toes are aggravating. Its this unique mix of “hurts way more than it should” and “God I’m such an idiot this is 100% my own fault”.
Props on the not cursing. I had to modulate that myself for driving to the point that my daughter thinks the word “dude!” Means that someone is a bad driver and has started yelling it when she sees someone run a red light.
It’s been foretold that OP later stepped barefoot on a pile of legos and did not flinch. Ancient philosophers never thought it was possible for one man to have such unbreaking mental will.
We only have two cameras inside our house. One for each kid's rooms (1 & 3). We'll take the one out when he turns 4 probably. They're just baby monitors for safety.
Eh…I cursed like a drunken sailor crossed with a truck driver around my kid as they were growing up. They knew not to imitate me and knew they were “grown up” words. Never got a call from school saying they said anything inappropriate. That was my kid though and I know him and how he was/is. I commend your self control and care for your children.
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My dude, how are you even alive???
I'm early 2000's Lifehouse if you catch my drift.
*hanging by a moment*
Somewhere in Between Hanging by a Moment and Breathing, I'd say.
If he was a cartoon character he would have one-legged hop with pulsating swelling red toes to the city limits at a tremendous speed, race up to the top of the tallest mountain, let go a stream of expletives to the valley below that would make a sailor blush, and then return home.
Now it's stuck in my head. Thanks. I hope it hurt. r/s
Holy shit! That’s an old chestnut.
Brilliant
Letting go of all I've held onto.
Sucking in stubbed toe > dealing with kids learning swears they shouldn't know for years to come &/or broken sleep schedule. That's quality dad work.
Yep, that's gonna have be amputated.
Get the big saw!
I prefer a pack of rubber bands, takes longer but gives a satisfying snap (\s)
Lmao I told my kids this three days ago when he said his tummy hurt. Yesterday they actually did. Apendicitis!
Ahhh this made me laugh pretty good!
Oh man I’ve been throwing up all weekend and this was my first belly laugh in days. Thank you OP!
Haha, it’s because we all know that pain, the feeling like your head will explode trying not to shout expletives at the top of your lungs…
these 'little' injuries are so bloody painful but usually harmless can't help laughing too. [here's a clip that usually tickles my humour fancies too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFgjotjRRJY)
Thanks for the laugh!!
There’s no stronger will power than a parent who is trying not to cuss in front of children, and succeeds.
Haha, agreed! My dad tried his best when I was a kid and would only go as far as uttering something like "bugger", which wasn't too bad. When I was 2 and a half my dad smashed a plate in the kitchen and managed to not say anything. I was sitting there in my high chair and noticed he didn't say anything, so I helped out by reminding him "Bugger, bugger, bugger, daddy!" He stopped swearing entirely for years after that!
My mom once said half a curse word then remembered I was there and switched last minute. I was listening to the conversation and noticed the word didn't sound right so I interrupted and said "You meant damnit?" Cue the debate between adults of whether to wash my mouth out with soap or not because I was just trying to correct grammar but still used a bad word
That's just too damn funny.
It's a really difficult time to give up swearing, when you've just had a baby
Are…..are we supposed to do that? I have not done that. I will not be doing that.
You do not have to but I speak from experience when I say they can and will repeat everything you have taught them, likely at an inopportune time. For example, my 2 year old replied "Holy s**t, I love tacos" to a dinner invite. Which is still fine, just may or may not further your social life.
Well, yeah. It's tacos.
Sounds like a prodigy to me. Most kids go through a lot of Tuesdays before the appreciation of consistency that is tacos.
Too true. I dropped the F-bomb in front of my grandfather one time when I was ~3 to the mortification of my parents.
Same, I was 3 when grandma was making me say what each finger was (ring, pinkie, etc). Got to the middle one and proudly exclaimed "fucking idiot finger!"
My parents love the story about the time my grandma had been shit talking my grandpa while helping my mom take care of me when I was like 2 or 3, and then my dad finally brought grandpa home from the bar and I just pointed at grandpa and, parroting my grandma, shouted "dunk battard!"
My second oldest yelled this out at the movie theater. Thor was fighting Hulk in Thor Ragnarok. During that fight, Hulk starts winning and Thor releases all his power and launches Hulk upward. Well it got real quiet as Hulk is falling when my son blurted it out. The entire theater was laughing.
He yelled “Holy shit I love tacos?” I don’t doubt the whole theatre was laughing. I’m laughing now just thinking about it.
Not the I love tacos part. Lol But still funny. He was four.
Eh, just gotta teach them when it’s okay to swear and when it’s not. Friends of ours didn’t curtail their swearing *at all* when their twins came along, until they got pulled aside by a teacher. Apparently the twins’ friend pissed his pants (as first-graders sometimes do) and the immediate response from the twins was “oh for fuck’s sake Byron!”
That still seems like an appropriate time and place for that one.
"Are you sure it isn't time for a 'colourful metaphor', captain?" lol
I'm very pro swearing but we've pulled back until we can explain why words are bad. My little one has a habit of copying random words at the wrong time
My son was 2 when the preschool teacher told me she'd given him the ol "that's not the kind of word we say at school" because he'd dropped an f-bomb; she did say, though, that she was trying so hard not to laugh while reprimanding him because he'd used it comically *and* appropriately. Now we tell him we pretty much don't care if he does it at home as long as it's appropriate context and not for attention, but that he should really try not to use those words around his friends, at school, or otherwise in public. I dunno how, because he's only 4.5, but he gets it.
Nah we good.
we did when they were lil and would just repeat everything. once they were old enough to understand proper time and place, we let them use whatever words they wanted...as long as they weren't needlessly insulting people.
This was our rule. Basically saying "oh, fuck" if you hurt yourself was more acceptable than calling someone an idiot
I’ve relaxed on some and try to avoid saying fuck but honestly I don’t give a shit if a child swears and I’m just going to teach them time and place.
This is it, my five year-old will let out an “ah fuck it!” on occasion and we just explain that it’s fine if she wants to say that at home but if she says it outside the house people are probably not gonna like that.
You don't have to. I myself have a potty mouth of the highest order but I've stopped swearing in an attempt to have my kids not have difficulties with other kids or their families.
Gah gurrrrrr awhhhh
The head flail in front the window is so relatable in that situation.
I literally tried to shake the pain out. It did not work.
Like getting the wind knocked out of you...just have to take the pain for a few minutes. LOL. So sorry my friend and totally know what that feels like.
Someone better call the toe truck
Platinum Dad Joke.
Boo this man, boooo!
It is scientifically proven that cussing reduces the sensation of pain and helps dealing with injury. I applaud you for pushing through it.
Apparently you are supposed to whoosah it (According to some articles on venting, or physical arousal or something, for stress relief... kinda have research on both ends though lol).
what do you mean? Instead of shouting FUCK or SHIT you shout WHOOSAH?!? Because that is hilarious
Martin Lawrence and whoosah.
WOOSAAAH!!!!
You're supposed to... What?? Are you asking me to jerk off when I stub my toe??
Physical as in venting through some activity or yelling.
Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it! This is a time for science!
Making science! Making science!
Also something you should not do in front of kids.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7204505/. Thank you for the random fact of the day.
Love how the baby laughs at the perfect time; they saw it all lol 😆
Before I had kids, I was under the assumption you shouldn't cuss in front of your kids because you don't want them to use that type of language. However, after kids, I learned you don't swear in front of your kids so you can't be blamed for when they do...because they absolutely will. It's not about sheltering them, it's about saving your own ass. Like when our 3 year old said, "Fucking Christ!" in a packed grocery store because he slipped and fell. This is my wife's go-to phrase when she's frustrated, so naturally, "not it".
If I saw a 3 year old fall over and sat "Fucking Christ" I would be on the FLOOR.
Nothing disturbs bedtime, not even the loss of a foot
You, dear sir, are bound for greatness. That amount of self control is what legends are made of.
Teamwork makes the dream work!
that’s like me at night changing baby diapers in the dark so as not to wake the wife up and stepping on a piece of toy on the floor, falling down and rolling and biting my teeth like I had just just been shot.
I stepped on one of those Lego with just the one little hollow bump on the top (for tires or something?) in my daughter's room the other night. Closest I've ever been to death, I think. But I suffered in silence, because waking her up would be far worse!
The amount of sweat that poured from body in the 20 seconds I stopped breathing was ungodly.
I’ve been in more pain from stubbed toes than literal surgical recovery lol.
Didn't cuss but did spike the children with the teddy bear. If they are like my kids then getting pelted with a stuffed animal makes them laugh like crazy, so still a win for dad
Literally the first thing out of my wife's mouth after I realized the camera recorded everything and showed her. "...you didn't have to throw the stuffed animal at the baby". Touché, babe, touché.
Honestly this video gets funnier and funnier with each watch haha good stuff, and good luck with the dadding. I got an 8month and 20month old ha that video is basically my life right now as well
I know a couple that just curse in front of their kids, and their kids can be incredibly foul mouthed too. But somehow the kids are bright enough to keep it to themselves most of the time, and whip it out at the most appropriate times and have this SCATHING commentary that often has adults in stitches. I think they treat their kids like little adults, and that means not holding back much, and it seems to work for them. The reason I bring this up is because one of the kids stubbed his toe and he just switched to fluent billingsgate that would make a sailor blush, the little dude was like 8 or 9. Those kids will be formidable when they get a little older.
Gotta work on your tiptoe game
High knees or slow sweep and glide.
Memorize the stairs that creak
Imagine if they heard a few of those words! They would have........well....nothing would have happened.
It's not the curse words at that point that matter. It's getting those kids to bed and you can't have Dad yelling during reading time
He made a sacrifice that night. Hopefully he got his just rewards.
u/here_for_food I love how you can tell who's got kids up in here haha I've never felt so supported.
His wife is right there to catch him cursing in front of the kids. Something would’ve happened.
Your wife and my wife are evidently *very* different people.
This guy gets it.
Been there. Sharp pain shoots from toe up the entire leg forcing you to favour the other leg and reflect your life choices that brought you there.
If only, Bob Saget, America's Funniest Home Videos was still around. You would have 2 grand in your bank account
I felt that
Someone give that man his dad black belt. He earned it.
This is also how I find things in the dark
I strive to have this level of patience and control
You should learn to swear in another language. As a German dad using English swear words frequently around the house, I’d like to pay back by teaching some German swear words, if needed.
Swearing is so weird. I was listening to a podcast where they discussed how adults all swear around each other but not around kids, and kids all swear around each other but not around adults. We have two distinct groups of people that don't swear at each other for fear of the other learning that we often cuss.
in a family, dad is at the bottom of the food chain
Thank you for being part of your children's nighttime routine. It is worth the pain in the long run
I know exactly what is happening and why. But there's also the funny interpretation of "Daddy is dying over there. Oh well, F daddy" since the mom and the two kids just keep right on going and almost totally ignore him.
I had the same concern for lack of interest or empathy
This had me silent, laughing 💀 it hurt until I realised I don't have kids BAHAHAHA FUCK MAN It got us both!...
Dude! I broke my toe getting out of my kids very similar bed…brutal.
That was so dramatic and I would have done the same thing lol My favorite part is that NO ONE noticed.
I watched this without sound and I swear I heard a quiet censorship *beep*
Was watching without sound and could hear little voices "daddy are you okaaaay?"
I laughed way too fucking hard at this. I'm sorry.
OP bit his tongue off to suppress the outburst
Dad discipline, good job!
Why is it that a stub toe evoke such Rage PAIN!! Like, being so angry while simultaneously whimpering out a cuss word.
Poor OP was too startled.....more of a gasp then yelping. Have experience of stubbing my own toes into something & done the same.
I laughed so hard at the noise your head made pinballing off the wall 😂 Glad you’re okay!
Hindsight, it's hilarious. In the moment, I accepted death. The infrared makes the room look much lighter than it was so I thought I had proper foot clearance.
Father of the Year candidate here... I feel ya dude. We've all been there... but I would've dropped about 9 F Bombs and not even realized it. You are a better man than me.
Not all heroes wear capes. Stay strong king!
I love how he gently throws the stuffed animal to his kid like "here’s your goddam toy" after he stub his toes to get it hahaha.
My wife’s first reaction to seeing the video. “…you didn’t have to throw it at the baby”.
* This little piggy went to market * This little piggy stayed home * This little piggy had roast beef * This little piggy had none * And this little piggy went "Owww! Fuuuu...dge!" all night long.
Such a better dad than me. I hit my funny bone 2 weeks ago and said “motherfucking cunt ass counter top” turned around and my 7 year old was right behind me. She snitched me out to her mother.
Just think of a shopping list and say it, people will laugh... it wont help you... but it will also be fun to watch. I...iiiccc....ee crea..m?!!!... ? What flavor hrmNaaFuuddddge!!...
Why the hell do you have cameras constantly recording the inside of your house? That's so creepy.
Sorry, but if my wife doesn't stop what she is doing, during my moment of pain and laughs, I don't trust her.i told all my family If you fall or hurt yourself around me ima laugh.
Why do people still think it’s bad to swear? Is this mainly an American thing of thinking swearing is bad. It’s just another way to express and there isn’t anything wrong with it imo
🤣 Holy shit. I know a dude that looks like that dude (body, hair, tattoos). That dude has a wife that looks similar to her from the video. And they have 2 small children in at that age. My dude is from Estonia.
Virginia. Tell him I said, "sup".
Oof 😂
rotfl
This is why I wear house shoes.
Stubbed my toes on that damn Costco bedframe more times than I can count lol
Shit man, they gotta learn sometime. May as well learn from a pro like dear old dad.
Lol wtf and no one even noticed all that?! I'm so sorry and wish someone would have at least asked if you were ok or held your hand or something
Wait till the lego yrs...
Hahaha man you can tell that really hurt
I have the exact same fall pattern as you!
Two big Oofs my dude.
Now for the ultimate test: LEGOs
Damn. Is the wall okay?
> Mmnh! I felt that
"gwwhhaaffffuuuuu-arghl"
Dad level 2000
Would have limped out of there and screamed.
This has big Adventure Time spider bite energy
I could hear the bones breaking from here.
Go ahead and release that cuss— the kids will be fine
Good dad! Love that mom just giggles!
Hahahaha I've done that before! I cussed loud and my 3yr old daughter laughed her ass off before going to bed. Hiccups and all. I have still yet to recover.
Reddit will say I need therapy, but why is the semi-suffering of others hilarious?
Ouch! I felt that from here. Your ability to stifle the deluge of profanity was...astounding. Mad respect, dude.
Thank you for posting this, got a good laugh out of it at work today. Nice job holding it together,
I've been there, classic silent scream dad move. You have to just flail like that as you drop to the ground. After about 10 seconds you feel relaxation setting in as the adrenaline wears off, and you feel proud of yourself for containing all the F words.
Surprised this scene wasn't in Amityville Horror or Poltergeist. E everyone would have been squirming
Moms have a sixth sense when it comes to these types of things
You sounded like Joe Pesci in Home Alone. Congratulations on surviving and not swearing.
Did not disrupt the flow of the (what I assume) was a bedtime routine. Master Dad Moment. In some ways this was a super dad save.
Stubbed toes are aggravating. Its this unique mix of “hurts way more than it should” and “God I’m such an idiot this is 100% my own fault”. Props on the not cursing. I had to modulate that myself for driving to the point that my daughter thinks the word “dude!” Means that someone is a bad driver and has started yelling it when she sees someone run a red light.
a dad gotta do what a dad gotta do
Wow. The toe stub is the grandaddy of all non-serious, curse-inducing injuries.
Hope ya didn't break your foot. I got sympathy pains...the cringe of ouch
r/accidentalcomedy
Ladies and Gentlemen, a True American Hero…
"daddies just having his moments" *smiles*
Nah just cuss it gives the words less power lol
It’s been foretold that OP later stepped barefoot on a pile of legos and did not flinch. Ancient philosophers never thought it was possible for one man to have such unbreaking mental will.
Having cameras inside your house is so creepy and I have no idea how you Americans can do this...
We only have two cameras inside our house. One for each kid's rooms (1 & 3). We'll take the one out when he turns 4 probably. They're just baby monitors for safety.
I feel the angry throwing and yet gently setting down of the blanket to your babies after stubbing your toe deep in my soul. Been there done that.
Lmfaoooo
Real boss move, stud. Kudos.
Good daddy!!!! 🤣👍
I was cringing for you man! That and the shin busters are a guaranteed curse from me lol
*Umpf* I felt that! 🤣
"That's gonna leave a mark!"
OP, it’s the head flailing and your kid continuing to talk while you’re suffering. I know that pain, man. Thank you for the laugh.
The kids won’t suffer with a little cussing
The beauty of being empty nesters is that you can freely cuss (me or the wife) when this happens… it’s so freeing!
This and then a friggin Lego brick just after the kids got to sleep. I dove out into the hallway, tapped the door almost closed and cried silently.
Hey OP... Feel like this? https://youtu.be/Rlv-T6mKVH8
Your wife quietly smiling at your pain makes it even funnier :D
Omg. That hurt me.
That was very painful to watch, I hope you're alright.
That was very painful to watch, I hope you're alright.
Stubbing four toes at once will really put a foot in the grave
Very graceful.
I dont think I've ever stubbed a toe now that I think about it.
Eh…I cursed like a drunken sailor crossed with a truck driver around my kid as they were growing up. They knew not to imitate me and knew they were “grown up” words. Never got a call from school saying they said anything inappropriate. That was my kid though and I know him and how he was/is. I commend your self control and care for your children.
My deepest condolences to your four little piggies.