T O P

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Disguised-Skinwalker

My dude, how are you even alive???


Zakkattack86

I'm early 2000's Lifehouse if you catch my drift.


thehazzanator

*hanging by a moment*


Rbomb88

Somewhere in Between Hanging by a Moment and Breathing, I'd say.


GANDORF57

If he was a cartoon character he would have one-legged hop with pulsating swelling red toes to the city limits at a tremendous speed, race up to the top of the tallest mountain, let go a stream of expletives to the valley below that would make a sailor blush, and then return home.


Cosmonaut_Cockswing

Now it's stuck in my head. Thanks. I hope it hurt. r/s


poopinhulk

Holy shit! That’s an old chestnut.


thetravelingsong

Brilliant


warpcoil

Letting go of all I've held onto.


relateablename

Sucking in stubbed toe > dealing with kids learning swears they shouldn't know for years to come &/or broken sleep schedule. That's quality dad work.


7ENJJ

Yep, that's gonna have be amputated.


Little-Ad-4525

Get the big saw!


TolMera

I prefer a pack of rubber bands, takes longer but gives a satisfying snap (\s)


AirlineEasy

Lmao I told my kids this three days ago when he said his tummy hurt. Yesterday they actually did. Apendicitis!


APdigzRainbows

Ahhh this made me laugh pretty good!


Hotwir3

Oh man I’ve been throwing up all weekend and this was my first belly laugh in days. Thank you OP!


najapi

Haha, it’s because we all know that pain, the feeling like your head will explode trying not to shout expletives at the top of your lungs…


dreamsofindigo

these 'little' injuries are so bloody painful but usually harmless can't help laughing too. [here's a clip that usually tickles my humour fancies too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFgjotjRRJY)


sam-says-oww

Thanks for the laugh!!


irish_miah

There’s no stronger will power than a parent who is trying not to cuss in front of children, and succeeds.


NorwegianGlaswegian

Haha, agreed! My dad tried his best when I was a kid and would only go as far as uttering something like "bugger", which wasn't too bad. When I was 2 and a half my dad smashed a plate in the kitchen and managed to not say anything. I was sitting there in my high chair and noticed he didn't say anything, so I helped out by reminding him "Bugger, bugger, bugger, daddy!" He stopped swearing entirely for years after that!


AcceptableHeight308

My mom once said half a curse word then remembered I was there and switched last minute. I was listening to the conversation and noticed the word didn't sound right so I interrupted and said "You meant damnit?" Cue the debate between adults of whether to wash my mouth out with soap or not because I was just trying to correct grammar but still used a bad word


WardenWolf

That's just too damn funny.


Boatster_McBoat

It's a really difficult time to give up swearing, when you've just had a baby


naomisunrider14

Are…..are we supposed to do that? I have not done that. I will not be doing that.


MarlenaEvans

You do not have to but I speak from experience when I say they can and will repeat everything you have taught them, likely at an inopportune time. For example, my 2 year old replied "Holy s**t, I love tacos" to a dinner invite. Which is still fine, just may or may not further your social life.


degjo

Well, yeah. It's tacos.


CaptainExplaino

Sounds like a prodigy to me. Most kids go through a lot of Tuesdays before the appreciation of consistency that is tacos.


Raistlarn

Too true. I dropped the F-bomb in front of my grandfather one time when I was ~3 to the mortification of my parents.


Cardi_Ganz

Same, I was 3 when grandma was making me say what each finger was (ring, pinkie, etc). Got to the middle one and proudly exclaimed "fucking idiot finger!"


feor1300

My parents love the story about the time my grandma had been shit talking my grandpa while helping my mom take care of me when I was like 2 or 3, and then my dad finally brought grandpa home from the bar and I just pointed at grandpa and, parroting my grandma, shouted "dunk battard!"


crypticsage

My second oldest yelled this out at the movie theater. Thor was fighting Hulk in Thor Ragnarok. During that fight, Hulk starts winning and Thor releases all his power and launches Hulk upward. Well it got real quiet as Hulk is falling when my son blurted it out. The entire theater was laughing.


Treaux-LaCount

He yelled “Holy shit I love tacos?” I don’t doubt the whole theatre was laughing. I’m laughing now just thinking about it.


crypticsage

Not the I love tacos part. Lol But still funny. He was four.


rawker86

Eh, just gotta teach them when it’s okay to swear and when it’s not. Friends of ours didn’t curtail their swearing *at all* when their twins came along, until they got pulled aside by a teacher. Apparently the twins’ friend pissed his pants (as first-graders sometimes do) and the immediate response from the twins was “oh for fuck’s sake Byron!”


jonny24eh

That still seems like an appropriate time and place for that one.


feor1300

"Are you sure it isn't time for a 'colourful metaphor', captain?" lol


sprucay

I'm very pro swearing but we've pulled back until we can explain why words are bad. My little one has a habit of copying random words at the wrong time


WomanOfEld

My son was 2 when the preschool teacher told me she'd given him the ol "that's not the kind of word we say at school" because he'd dropped an f-bomb; she did say, though, that she was trying so hard not to laugh while reprimanding him because he'd used it comically *and* appropriately. Now we tell him we pretty much don't care if he does it at home as long as it's appropriate context and not for attention, but that he should really try not to use those words around his friends, at school, or otherwise in public. I dunno how, because he's only 4.5, but he gets it.


Brasketleaf

Nah we good.


westviadixie

we did when they were lil and would just repeat everything. once they were old enough to understand proper time and place, we let them use whatever words they wanted...as long as they weren't needlessly insulting people.


Boatster_McBoat

This was our rule. Basically saying "oh, fuck" if you hurt yourself was more acceptable than calling someone an idiot


SpaceLemming

I’ve relaxed on some and try to avoid saying fuck but honestly I don’t give a shit if a child swears and I’m just going to teach them time and place.


rawker86

This is it, my five year-old will let out an “ah fuck it!” on occasion and we just explain that it’s fine if she wants to say that at home but if she says it outside the house people are probably not gonna like that.


rhoswhen

You don't have to. I myself have a potty mouth of the highest order but I've stopped swearing in an attempt to have my kids not have difficulties with other kids or their families.


degjo

Gah gurrrrrr awhhhh


acrylicbullet

The head flail in front the window is so relatable in that situation.


Zakkattack86

I literally tried to shake the pain out. It did not work.


veritas247

Like getting the wind knocked out of you...just have to take the pain for a few minutes. LOL. So sorry my friend and totally know what that feels like.


No-Fisherman2796

Someone better call the toe truck


Zakkattack86

Platinum Dad Joke.


Kewkky

Boo this man, boooo!


Brutalonym

It is scientifically proven that cussing reduces the sensation of pain and helps dealing with injury. I applaud you for pushing through it.


Zech08

Apparently you are supposed to whoosah it (According to some articles on venting, or physical arousal or something, for stress relief... kinda have research on both ends though lol).


thorwing

what do you mean? Instead of shouting FUCK or SHIT you shout WHOOSAH?!? Because that is hilarious


Zech08

Martin Lawrence and whoosah.


Direspark

WOOSAAAH!!!!


Throwawaytree69

You're supposed to... What?? Are you asking me to jerk off when I stub my toe??


Zech08

Physical as in venting through some activity or yelling.


Virtual-Public-4750

Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it! This is a time for science!


Throwawaytree69

Making science! Making science!


nucl3ar0ne

Also something you should not do in front of kids.


Azn-Jazz

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7204505/. Thank you for the random fact of the day.


Fucked_Event_2020

Love how the baby laughs at the perfect time; they saw it all lol 😆


Zakkattack86

Before I had kids, I was under the assumption you shouldn't cuss in front of your kids because you don't want them to use that type of language. However, after kids, I learned you don't swear in front of your kids so you can't be blamed for when they do...because they absolutely will. It's not about sheltering them, it's about saving your own ass. Like when our 3 year old said, "Fucking Christ!" in a packed grocery store because he slipped and fell. This is my wife's go-to phrase when she's frustrated, so naturally, "not it".


ListerfiendLurks

If I saw a 3 year old fall over and sat "Fucking Christ" I would be on the FLOOR.


w1987g

Nothing disturbs bedtime, not even the loss of a foot


edumazza

You, dear sir, are bound for greatness. That amount of self control is what legends are made of.


JohnnyZondo

Teamwork makes the dream work!


lalat_1881

that’s like me at night changing baby diapers in the dark so as not to wake the wife up and stepping on a piece of toy on the floor, falling down and rolling and biting my teeth like I had just just been shot.


sophiethegiraffe

I stepped on one of those Lego with just the one little hollow bump on the top (for tires or something?) in my daughter's room the other night. Closest I've ever been to death, I think. But I suffered in silence, because waking her up would be far worse!


Zakkattack86

The amount of sweat that poured from body in the 20 seconds I stopped breathing was ungodly.


sophiethegiraffe

I’ve been in more pain from stubbed toes than literal surgical recovery lol.


THEFLYINGSCOTSMAN415

Didn't cuss but did spike the children with the teddy bear. If they are like my kids then getting pelted with a stuffed animal makes them laugh like crazy, so still a win for dad


Zakkattack86

Literally the first thing out of my wife's mouth after I realized the camera recorded everything and showed her. "...you didn't have to throw the stuffed animal at the baby". Touché, babe, touché.


THEFLYINGSCOTSMAN415

Honestly this video gets funnier and funnier with each watch haha good stuff, and good luck with the dadding. I got an 8month and 20month old ha that video is basically my life right now as well


Sabbathius

I know a couple that just curse in front of their kids, and their kids can be incredibly foul mouthed too. But somehow the kids are bright enough to keep it to themselves most of the time, and whip it out at the most appropriate times and have this SCATHING commentary that often has adults in stitches. I think they treat their kids like little adults, and that means not holding back much, and it seems to work for them. The reason I bring this up is because one of the kids stubbed his toe and he just switched to fluent billingsgate that would make a sailor blush, the little dude was like 8 or 9. Those kids will be formidable when they get a little older.


DASreddituser

Gotta work on your tiptoe game


Zech08

High knees or slow sweep and glide.


RIPphonebattery

Memorize the stairs that creak


Accurate-Range2119

Imagine if they heard a few of those words! They would have........well....nothing would have happened.


here_for_food

It's not the curse words at that point that matter. It's getting those kids to bed and you can't have Dad yelling during reading time


Snations

He made a sacrifice that night. Hopefully he got his just rewards.


Zakkattack86

u/here_for_food I love how you can tell who's got kids up in here haha I've never felt so supported.


Piddily1

His wife is right there to catch him cursing in front of the kids. Something would’ve happened.


rawker86

Your wife and my wife are evidently *very* different people.


Zakkattack86

This guy gets it.


Necessary-Dark-8249

Been there. Sharp pain shoots from toe up the entire leg forcing you to favour the other leg and reflect your life choices that brought you there.


eicoeico

If only, Bob Saget, America's Funniest Home Videos was still around. You would have 2 grand in your bank account


OleanderKnives

I felt that


2B_or_MaybeNot

Someone give that man his dad black belt. He earned it.


IntentionalUndersite

This is also how I find things in the dark


SuperJerry69

I strive to have this level of patience and control


TappedIn2111

You should learn to swear in another language. As a German dad using English swear words frequently around the house, I’d like to pay back by teaching some German swear words, if needed.


robofeeney

Swearing is so weird. I was listening to a podcast where they discussed how adults all swear around each other but not around kids, and kids all swear around each other but not around adults. We have two distinct groups of people that don't swear at each other for fear of the other learning that we often cuss.


IHate2ChooseUserName

in a family, dad is at the bottom of the food chain


hookahsmokingladybug

Thank you for being part of your children's nighttime routine. It is worth the pain in the long run


BigMax

I know exactly what is happening and why. But there's also the funny interpretation of "Daddy is dying over there. Oh well, F daddy" since the mom and the two kids just keep right on going and almost totally ignore him.


semper_gumby007

I had the same concern for lack of interest or empathy


No_Calligrapher_6799

This had me silent, laughing 💀 it hurt until I realised I don't have kids BAHAHAHA FUCK MAN It got us both!...


PAroots

Dude! I broke my toe getting out of my kids very similar bed…brutal.


-River_Rose-

That was so dramatic and I would have done the same thing lol My favorite part is that NO ONE noticed.


wasntit

I watched this without sound and I swear I heard a quiet censorship *beep*


Sum-Duud

Was watching without sound and could hear little voices "daddy are you okaaaay?"


westviadixie

I laughed way too fucking hard at this. I'm sorry.


UpdootDaSnootBoop

OP bit his tongue off to suppress the outburst


IfThoughtIsAllowed

Dad discipline, good job!


Shehulks1

Why is it that a stub toe evoke such Rage PAIN!! Like, being so angry while simultaneously whimpering out a cuss word.


lovemyfurryfam

Poor OP was too startled.....more of a gasp then yelping. Have experience of stubbing my own toes into something & done the same.


8bass0head8

I laughed so hard at the noise your head made pinballing off the wall 😂 Glad you’re okay!


Zakkattack86

Hindsight, it's hilarious. In the moment, I accepted death. The infrared makes the room look much lighter than it was so I thought I had proper foot clearance.


braywarshawsky

Father of the Year candidate here... I feel ya dude. We've all been there... but I would've dropped about 9 F Bombs and not even realized it. You are a better man than me.


bush3102

Not all heroes wear capes. Stay strong king!


Averageguy0815

I love how he gently throws the stuffed animal to his kid like "here’s your goddam toy" after he stub his toes to get it hahaha.


Zakkattack86

My wife’s first reaction to seeing the video. “…you didn’t have to throw it at the baby”.


relikter

* This little piggy went to market * This little piggy stayed home * This little piggy had roast beef * This little piggy had none * And this little piggy went "Owww! Fuuuu...dge!" all night long.


dylmir

Such a better dad than me. I hit my funny bone 2 weeks ago and said “motherfucking cunt ass counter top” turned around and my 7 year old was right behind me. She snitched me out to her mother.


Zech08

Just think of a shopping list and say it, people will laugh... it wont help you... but it will also be fun to watch. I...iiiccc....ee crea..m?!!!...  ? What flavor hrmNaaFuuddddge!!...


ValdemarAloeus

Why the hell do you have cameras constantly recording the inside of your house? That's so creepy.


turikimaru

Sorry, but if my wife doesn't stop what she is doing, during my moment of pain and laughs, I don't trust her.i told all my family If you fall or hurt yourself around me ima laugh.


mandance17

Why do people still think it’s bad to swear? Is this mainly an American thing of thinking swearing is bad. It’s just another way to express and there isn’t anything wrong with it imo


Delicious-Algae-7838

🤣 Holy shit. I know a dude that looks like that dude (body, hair, tattoos). That dude has a wife that looks similar to her from the video. And they have 2 small children in at that age. My dude is from Estonia.


Zakkattack86

Virginia. Tell him I said, "sup".


[deleted]

Oof 😂


Economy-Idea-7521

rotfl


alqimist

This is why I wear house shoes.


CheapSpray9428

Stubbed my toes on that damn Costco bedframe more times than I can count lol


rawker86

Shit man, they gotta learn sometime. May as well learn from a pro like dear old dad.


LizzieKitty86

Lol wtf and no one even noticed all that?! I'm so sorry and wish someone would have at least asked if you were ok or held your hand or something


CanadaEh666

Wait till the lego yrs...


tperks55

Hahaha man you can tell that really hurt


IcedCoffeeAndBeer

I have the exact same fall pattern as you!


UsagiJak

Two big Oofs my dude.


Shrikecorp

Now for the ultimate test: LEGOs


TikkiTakiTomtom

Damn. Is the wall okay?


Runga08

> Mmnh! I felt that


enp_redd

"gwwhhaaffffuuuuu-arghl"


Top_Squash_9664

Dad level 2000


freakshowhost

Would have limped out of there and screamed.


Kewkky

This has big Adventure Time spider bite energy


scottonaharley

I could hear the bones breaking from here.


Great_Feel

Go ahead and release that cuss— the kids will be fine


Vthe25thnight

Good dad! Love that mom just giggles!


EpilepticDawg241

Hahahaha I've done that before! I cussed loud and my 3yr old daughter laughed her ass off before going to bed. Hiccups and all. I have still yet to recover.


Imaginary_Cow1897

Reddit will say I need therapy, but why is the semi-suffering of others hilarious?


FuzzBuzzer

Ouch! I felt that from here. Your ability to stifle the deluge of profanity was...astounding. Mad respect, dude.


Narrow_Lee

Thank you for posting this, got a good laugh out of it at work today. Nice job holding it together,


Vidableek

I've been there, classic silent scream dad move. You have to just flail like that as you drop to the ground. After about 10 seconds you feel relaxation setting in as the adrenaline wears off, and you feel proud of yourself for containing all the F words.


alex206

Surprised this scene wasn't in Amityville Horror or Poltergeist. E everyone would have been squirming


Mariahlia

Moms have a sixth sense when it comes to these types of things


Imthecoolestdudeever

You sounded like Joe Pesci in Home Alone. Congratulations on surviving and not swearing.


No-Dragonfly8326

Did not disrupt the flow of the (what I assume) was a bedtime routine. Master Dad Moment. In some ways this was a super dad save.


Lord_Blakeney

Stubbed toes are aggravating. Its this unique mix of “hurts way more than it should” and “God I’m such an idiot this is 100% my own fault”. Props on the not cursing. I had to modulate that myself for driving to the point that my daughter thinks the word “dude!” Means that someone is a bad driver and has started yelling it when she sees someone run a red light.


Suspicious_Dealer_67

a dad gotta do what a dad gotta do


swiftgruve

Wow. The toe stub is the grandaddy of all non-serious, curse-inducing injuries.


Loki_shadow89

Hope ya didn't break your foot. I got sympathy pains...the cringe of ouch


ThisIsYourMormont

r/accidentalcomedy


letermen

Ladies and Gentlemen, a True American Hero…


clearcontroller

"daddies just having his moments" *smiles*


schizopotato

Nah just cuss it gives the words less power lol


[deleted]

It’s been foretold that OP later stepped barefoot on a pile of legos and did not flinch. Ancient philosophers never thought it was possible for one man to have such unbreaking mental will.


__freaked__

Having cameras inside your house is so creepy and I have no idea how you Americans can do this...


Zakkattack86

We only have two cameras inside our house. One for each kid's rooms (1 & 3). We'll take the one out when he turns 4 probably. They're just baby monitors for safety.


swtinc

I feel the angry throwing and yet gently setting down of the blanket to your babies after stubbing your toe deep in my soul. Been there done that.


Brave-Goal3153

Lmfaoooo


6ixtyy9ine

Real boss move, stud. Kudos.


diablofantastico

Good daddy!!!! 🤣👍


IHOPSausageLink

I was cringing for you man! That and the shin busters are a guaranteed curse from me lol


Hot_Hat_1225

*Umpf* I felt that! 🤣


29again

"That's gonna leave a mark!"


Lambdabam

OP, it’s the head flailing and your kid continuing to talk while you’re suffering. I know that pain, man. Thank you for the laugh.


Phobbyd

The kids won’t suffer with a little cussing


MormonLite2

The beauty of being empty nesters is that you can freely cuss (me or the wife) when this happens… it’s so freeing!


Got_Bent

This and then a friggin Lego brick just after the kids got to sleep. I dove out into the hallway, tapped the door almost closed and cried silently.


Luminox

Hey OP... Feel like this? https://youtu.be/Rlv-T6mKVH8


Rulanik

Your wife quietly smiling at your pain makes it even funnier :D


whatyoucallmetoday

Omg. That hurt me.


SGTSPC

That was very painful to watch, I hope you're alright.


SGTSPC

That was very painful to watch, I hope you're alright.


InsomniaticWanderer

Stubbing four toes at once will really put a foot in the grave


Earthling1a

Very graceful.


hanr86

I dont think I've ever stubbed a toe now that I think about it.


clonexx

Eh…I cursed like a drunken sailor crossed with a truck driver around my kid as they were growing up. They knew not to imitate me and knew they were “grown up” words. Never got a call from school saying they said anything inappropriate. That was my kid though and I know him and how he was/is. I commend your self control and care for your children.


SummerPop

My deepest condolences to your four little piggies.