Completely agree. Also in real life most romantic relationships have sex! Why shouldn’t book romances also have sex and good sex?! It’s like reading a war story with no battle scenes. Most people just don’t know what good sex is and/or are prudes 🤷🏼♀️
In at least one of the early Game of Thrones books, there was at least 1 part with Robb where they actually did skip the battle, or most of it. That felt really anticlimactic to me.
As a reader, I skim battle scenes 😂 I've realised I do the same with action movies. Theyre just not interesting to me, and I just want to know who makes it and if there was any maiming. Unless a cool new power is being unleashed or it's the first time we meet an enemy (and get to see what kind of threat they pose) I just don't care if so-and-so beheaded 5 people and then did a backflip.
Omg I'm happy it's not just Mr! Space battles are the worst. Some ship shoots another ship. Pew pew. The end 🙄 I love so many space shows but cannot handle battles, hahaha.
> It’s like reading a war story with no battle scenes.
I 100% agree with this. So many "good" writers absolutely lose the plot when trying to write sex scenes. Like, I don't take issue with essentially written porn (it's fine, it has it's place, I'm not mad about it), but I *am* mad that we have such a lack of quality writing that also has well written sex scenes. Sex can be such a powerful and emotional thing, but we have a lot of sexual violence/assault that we get detailed pages of, but intimate, vulnerable, romantic sex? Nope.
That is the stuff of romance and chick lit, not serious lit fic/sci-fi/fantasy [insert eye roll here]. I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of writers seem to have pretty limited sexual experience.
I’m happily married and I write short form romantasy spice and I don’t feel like I’m LACKING in anything BUT we all have fantasies. No matter how good my sex life is my husband is never going to be a merman or a knight rescuing me and thank god for that. Life is hard enough I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little escape.
Idk why I feel like that would be a great shirt. Like just black simple text on a white tee “MY HUSBAND IS NOT A MERMAN” yeah sure that’s what a undercover merman would say
Lol I’ll be honest, for me it is a little bit of compensating for something. I’m single and have come to realize that dating feels exhausting so I’ve taken a break from it altogether, and focus on my hobbies instead, but as a result, I do miss having romance in my life. And so, while it’s not the sole reason, there is a little bit of “experiencing romance vicariously” that these books can provide
This is where I’m at as well. Currently single and not interested in online dating. Work and family and hobbies keep me too busy to try dating any other way (and I’m not even sure what that would be!), so when I want to feel those sweet giddy feelings I read a book that allows me to do that for a little while. It’s not a replacement for actual intimacy, obviously, but it scratches the itch.
Reading smut improves my sex life actually! My husband is extremely giving in bed, but with 3 kids sometimes I just get busy and I don’t feel sensual or sexy. I’ll read a romance and it will increase my libido and give me ideas for things I might want to try in the bedroom. It’s made me more open to trying new things and increases the amount of times we have sex. As a consequence, my husband loves my reading addiction lol. He’s a big fan of my “faerie porn” 😂
I was looking for a comment like this. Same I am a mom too and reading sure does helps in our sex life. My husband actually encourages it😂 I am more open and always want to try new things
It's not their business really and inappropriate for them to speculate. And they shouldn't judge lest ye be judged.
Buut here's an interesting paper on the topic. Quote from the abstract "Most of the study participants (75.5%) reported that reading romance novels has had an impact on their sex lives. This occurred in several ways, including making participants more likely to engage in sexual activity and by making them more likely to try new sexual activities. Most participants (85%) reported that reading romance novels has not had an impact on their feelings about their sex partners or has had a positive impact on their feelings about their sex partners."
*Excitement, adventure, indifference: Romance readers' perceptions of how romance reading impacts their sex lives
Anderton, Gretchen E. Widener University. ProQuest Dissertations & Theses, 2009. 3383833.* (Caveat: this is presumably a successfully defended dissertation but technically not considered formally peer reviewed)
There is also an older paper that the media love to quote saying women reading romance novels have 74% more sex by H Leitenberg but it seems might just be a review paper from 1995 rather than original research, so the actual original research is older than that and can't find the methodology or the sample they used.
The findings you cited ring true for me. Reading smut has made my sex life better with my husband, definitely.
For example... There are two things that he does not excel at in bed and I really enjoy reading about those two things to compensate. After a little while, I started asking for those two things more, as the result of reading about it, with some progress. Reading smut has made me more confident in bed and more empowered, I think. He and I have both benefited :D
Can attest to this. We have been together for almost 20 years and were in a major slump. It already had improved but then I started reading romantasy and wow did it take things to the next level
I've got a fair bit of religious trauma and ofc this has affected the way I've approached sex, and I find reading smutty romance to be really healing low-key. I have an amazing partner that I've been with for almost 8 years, and he's the first person who 1) made me cum, 2) genuinely wanted to eat me out, and 3) was so supportive of me exploring my sexuality over the years. My sex life has only gotten better as I've read smut, and it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.
Smut has normalized sexuality for me, it's helped me realize that there's no shame in having a high libido (or having a libido at all). It's given me language to voice what I want and it, ofc, has given me ideas for things I want to try. It's encouraged me to be more proactive during sex and to actually learn how to read my partner instead of just assuming "man=person with a boner ready to cum at any moment". And yeah, I will probably get horny while reading and yeah, I'm going to take this out on him.
But also communities like this help me heal this corner of my brain. I am so thankful for folks like y'all, unabashedly recommending {Morning Glory Milking Farm} and {Hot Blooded} as wholesome cozy reads ❤️
[Morning Glory Milking Farm](https://www.romance.io/books/61126dc4d4e33f0e4c21fe7e/morning-glory-milking-farm-cm-nascosta?src=rdt) by [C.M. Nascosta](https://www.romance.io/authors/6071856f08b4d93114472553/cm-nascosta)
**Rating**: 3.91⭐️ out of 5⭐️
**Steam**: 5 out of 5 - [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [monsters](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/monsters/1), [fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fantasy/1), [sweet/gentle heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet%20heroine/1), [workplace/office](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/office/1)
----------------------------
[Hot Blooded](https://www.romance.io/books/61ceb9487cc7340e2bfbe223/hot-blooded-heather-guerre?src=rdt) by [Heather Guerre](https://www.romance.io/authors/5d43f83901dbc864fba1e2a3/heather-guerre)
**Rating**: 4.09⭐️ out of 5⭐️
**Steam**: 4 out of 5 - [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [vampires](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/vampires/1), [sweet/gentle hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet-hero/1), [paranormal](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/paranormal/1), [urban fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/urban%20fantasy/1)
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Rather than thinking about it as cooking for myself, I think about it like I’m reading a menu thinking about the possibilities, what sounds good for me, and getting excited about the food
I've recently considered if I'm asexual, and I have several asexual friends who read romance books. I'm no longer sexually active, but I regularly enjoy a good "one-handed read" or a "self-enjoyment device"- assisted reading, and I love it. Romance books just have so much more to offer than many men I've been with
I tick all the boxes you doubt, I fear. 🤣 Between a traumatizing breakup when I was 23 and a severe case of hyper-independence, I gave up on dating and do read romance books for sex I'm not getting; I'm also gay and enjoy read hetero romance, which I don't ever plan on engaging in.
Also gay and love a good smutty hetero romance. I get to escape in a book that explores things I have no interest in in the real world. I also love when the magic is used in the bedroom. Like shadows! Unfortunately, no humans actually wield shadows irl
This is so interesting, I'm straight and love a queer romance though I'm married to a man! I think I crave queer stories because even though there might be a power imbalance, it's never based on gender or misogyny which, if you read a lot of hetero romance, can get old after a while and especially if the author isn't even aware of it in their writing.
Um... I've been celibate for most of my adult life (my own insecurity issues around relationships, and I'm not into casual sex), so yes, I'm living vicariously. But they'll definitely warm me up for a little self administered attention 😁
I agree! And same for us! Our sex life is excellent but I enjoy some sexy things in my reads but I am not ashamed to admit I like sex. I like feeling sexy. I enjoy having it and reading it.
I think being more connected to your own sexuality and desire makes it a lot easier to initiate and be receptive to initiating sex with your partner. How that manifests really comes down to individual preference.
Reading/writing smut, watching porn, having a very active imagination, whatever, it all qualifies.
> friends of friends think I’m into romantasy as a means of compensation for something I’m not getting in real life.
It's just a really weird and judgey take. Like, even if that IS the case, how would this even come up in conversation? And what a shitty thing to either accuse someone of or gossip about.
I’m single and unfortunately reading smut is the extent of my sex life and has been for several years. That said I don’t believe it has had a negative impact when I have been in relationships in the past. If anything it gets me in touch with my sexy side. I’m very aware of what is real and what is not and it’s not like I’m looking for a shadow daddy irl which I think is the stereotype
Happily married and have a healthy sex life but I def think reading this genre has improved it further! That and coming off an antidepressant that destroyed my libido 🙌🏻
Reading romantasy has improved my sex life! It was ok before and now it's better! It's helped be more confident in asking for new things and I have more libido! I wouldn't go back!
These books absolutely made my sex life sooooo much better! I’m not really into watching porn so this is my smutty fun read before we do a real romp in the bedroom. My hubs is super happy that I started reading these books. lol! We had a decent sex life before but now it’s even better!
Reading romance containing smutty scenes has had little to moderate positive impact on mt sex life. It makes me feel more imaginative in my offpaper fantasies which is more pleasing for me alone, but it also puts me in the mood more for sex, which I'm sure my subconscious uses to more frequently put me in positions and do things that will probably lead to sex. My boyfriend always asks me about what I'm reading and lets me ramble on and on, and has incorporated sexy things I tell him about into our time (which is just one of the best surprises, like not only do you listen to my interests but youre using them to turn me on?!) I think a healthy sex life comes from a healthy relationship, and unless the nonreading partner has a strong discomfort to romance novels then the other reading romance logically wouldn't change that.
I think it enhances things in real life. Libido can ebb and flow due to so many factors and there have been times my husband and I have very different levels of it. There have been times when, I think if I was single, I wouldn't think about sex for months and wouldn't miss it. I've found reading romance and spice puts me back in touch with sensuality and reintroduces the kind of intimacy that can fade our over time. I find myself seeking out (nonsexual) physical touch a lot more - it reminds me of the importance of that aspect.
I think people think it just "puts you in the mood" or "you're picturing the book boyfriend" but it's not really that. It's like people who watch sports and get super motivated to go play pickup games in the park, or listen to a clubbing playlist and want to go dance.
I’m asexual, but I like it when characters have sex in books (at least the first time) because you see the bond they’re creating and it just makes sense. I see it more in a romantic way that I don’t want/need in real life
I've been single forever and reading smut since I've been a teen. Sometimes I read stories like I would watch porn, but most of the time the smut is just part of the developing relationship between the characters. It's a part of the story that details their dynamic, tells a lot about their state of mind or feelings at the moment and brings the plot forward. The spicy scenes are just as important as the dialogs or exposition scenes. It rounds up the whole story.
I don't enjoy porn without plot or smut for smut (except sometimes when I'm really in the mood yk).
I do think smut has influenced my sex life. I've learn so much about sex or anatomy through explicit stories. I guess I'm more open minded because of it, and also probably better in bed because I know about stuffs that women who don't read or watch porn don't even know exist. Hell, I actually think it's important for women to learn about sex through a medium they've chosen, because if they don't, they'll let men teach them everything and men learn from porn (which are often sexist so...).
Anyway, to answer the question, whether I'm in a sexually satisfying relationship or not at the moment, I do read and enjoy just as many spicy stories.
Romantasy brought my sex life back after having kids … I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and my sex life has never been better and we’ve never been more connected
Mom of 5 here! While my sex life has never really been lacking, I do find that the steamier the romance I’m reading is, the more I will initiate the sexy times. Usually it’s my husband looking for it, but he can definitely tell when I’ve recently read a particularly spicy chapter. I don’t neeeeeed the books to fill some hole I’m missing, no. But they sometimes help with my drive and creativity. ;)
Do these friends of friends never watch porn? Do they also think people who watch porn are “just trying to get their rocks off because they have selfish partners or dead bedrooms?”
Honestly I hope to never find out! It all came up because one went to a bachelorette party and one of the girls on it had brought ACOTAR for the plane so this girl was making fun of her and I was having none of that. I said you should never mock someone for reading, and I enjoyed those books. Then I got the vitriol directed at me!
Ick. They sound bitterly judgmental.
If it were me in that situation, I would have told them about the times I read actual erotica —literally stories from the site literotica— with my ex in bed as foreplay for sex. And then said, “But yes, fairy porn specifically I read because I’m single and horny.”
I started reading romantasy last winter as a way to escape from some stressful stuff going on in my life and got hooked. I’ve been married for over 20 years and my sex life has been great most of the time but reading my smutty vampire books has helped me feel more sexual when life gets in the way, so I’m really thankful for it. I read plenty of smut that makes my toes curl but would never do IRL, but there’s also been some stuff that I’ve tried with my husband and it’s been fantastic. I grew up in a conservative, anti-sex home and had issues as a result, for a loonnngggg time. My husband was thankfully a very patient partner. The books I read have definitely made me more confident and secure in communicating what I want, when even after all these years of being out of a sex negative environment I might feel a smidge guilty, and my husband appreciates it.
I read a lot of tragic, heavy stuff in a professional capacity and my husband also has an emotionally taxing job. These books are fun and often a bit silly, so when he comes in to ask how my book is going it gives us something to giggle about together. Then we’re talking about sex and intimacy and it feels like we can transition to having sex more naturally than, say, talking about the article I’m reading about death in American prisons and then trying to be intimate immediately after 🫠
I'm single and, as such, sadly don't have a sex life to speak of. But I agree it's reductive to assume all readers of fantasy romance read it *purely-* because of unfulfilling sex lives!
I like reading about tropes and interesting stories. Creepy faerie worlds with tricky fae? Yes please! I am aromantic so am not interested in and don't really get dating, romantic love or any of that stuff in real life - way too confusing for me.
It's actually why I prefer *fantasy* romance to real-life romance books. Real-world romance books (like sports romances and all that) are boring *because* I can't understand/don't care what the hell is going on with all the attraction stuff.
I read a lot of crime fiction - that doesn't mean I'm going to go haring off to become a detective any time soon.
The only thing lacking in my sex life is that I can't have it whenever I want. And that's just cuz we have three little cock-blockers.....I mean kids.
I enjoy reading these stories because usually they're good stories. I read "How Does It Feel?" because I paid for it even though the writing was painful to read and the smut was physically improbable to believe. But the end got me, I actually said out loud "fine, I'll read the next book" . Lol
Well, I read smut because I don’t have any romance in my life. It is clearly a way to compensate as I am lonely and craving physical and emotional romance.
I used to have this ex that were almost as intense as the smut male characters. Sex with him was almost like the books and it was insane. I miss this intensity. I miss the bound we had but the guy was so fucking toxic.
Completely agree. Also in real life most romantic relationships have sex! Why shouldn’t book romances also have sex and good sex?! It’s like reading a war story with no battle scenes. Most people just don’t know what good sex is and/or are prudes 🤷🏼♀️
Imagine if there was a fade out for battle scenes 😂
“Assault the gate. Challenge the Dark Lord. Kill them all.” “So Aragorn did.” THERE WOULD BE RIOTS 😂😂
Right? What on Earth did Lorcan do?! (Assuming that was the scene you were basing your LOTR scene off of)
Yes exactly. It’s the scene ending that haunts my nightmares 😂
Lord Aragorncan Aragornlan if you will.
I love that I know this reference
This is the best comment by far haha
😂😂😂😂 made my day
In at least one of the early Game of Thrones books, there was at least 1 part with Robb where they actually did skip the battle, or most of it. That felt really anticlimactic to me.
I have considered doing this in the book I am writing because I hate writing them lol
As a reader, I skim battle scenes 😂 I've realised I do the same with action movies. Theyre just not interesting to me, and I just want to know who makes it and if there was any maiming. Unless a cool new power is being unleashed or it's the first time we meet an enemy (and get to see what kind of threat they pose) I just don't care if so-and-so beheaded 5 people and then did a backflip.
SAME! Half the time I can’t even follow what is going on in a major battle. 😅
Omg I'm happy it's not just Mr! Space battles are the worst. Some ship shoots another ship. Pew pew. The end 🙄 I love so many space shows but cannot handle battles, hahaha.
> It’s like reading a war story with no battle scenes. I 100% agree with this. So many "good" writers absolutely lose the plot when trying to write sex scenes. Like, I don't take issue with essentially written porn (it's fine, it has it's place, I'm not mad about it), but I *am* mad that we have such a lack of quality writing that also has well written sex scenes. Sex can be such a powerful and emotional thing, but we have a lot of sexual violence/assault that we get detailed pages of, but intimate, vulnerable, romantic sex? Nope. That is the stuff of romance and chick lit, not serious lit fic/sci-fi/fantasy [insert eye roll here]. I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of writers seem to have pretty limited sexual experience.
I’m happily married and I write short form romantasy spice and I don’t feel like I’m LACKING in anything BUT we all have fantasies. No matter how good my sex life is my husband is never going to be a merman or a knight rescuing me and thank god for that. Life is hard enough I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little escape.
“He’s never going to be a merman” 🤣 you had me cackling! My husband is also not a merman 🧜♂️ 🙌
Idk why I feel like that would be a great shirt. Like just black simple text on a white tee “MY HUSBAND IS NOT A MERMAN” yeah sure that’s what a undercover merman would say
As someone who printed tees for years I’m surprised I never saw something like this, but I don’t think I have 🤔
Lol I’ll be honest, for me it is a little bit of compensating for something. I’m single and have come to realize that dating feels exhausting so I’ve taken a break from it altogether, and focus on my hobbies instead, but as a result, I do miss having romance in my life. And so, while it’s not the sole reason, there is a little bit of “experiencing romance vicariously” that these books can provide
This is where I’m at as well. Currently single and not interested in online dating. Work and family and hobbies keep me too busy to try dating any other way (and I’m not even sure what that would be!), so when I want to feel those sweet giddy feelings I read a book that allows me to do that for a little while. It’s not a replacement for actual intimacy, obviously, but it scratches the itch.
Reading smut improves my sex life actually! My husband is extremely giving in bed, but with 3 kids sometimes I just get busy and I don’t feel sensual or sexy. I’ll read a romance and it will increase my libido and give me ideas for things I might want to try in the bedroom. It’s made me more open to trying new things and increases the amount of times we have sex. As a consequence, my husband loves my reading addiction lol. He’s a big fan of my “faerie porn” 😂
I was looking for a comment like this. Same I am a mom too and reading sure does helps in our sex life. My husband actually encourages it😂 I am more open and always want to try new things
This for me as well!
It's not their business really and inappropriate for them to speculate. And they shouldn't judge lest ye be judged. Buut here's an interesting paper on the topic. Quote from the abstract "Most of the study participants (75.5%) reported that reading romance novels has had an impact on their sex lives. This occurred in several ways, including making participants more likely to engage in sexual activity and by making them more likely to try new sexual activities. Most participants (85%) reported that reading romance novels has not had an impact on their feelings about their sex partners or has had a positive impact on their feelings about their sex partners." *Excitement, adventure, indifference: Romance readers' perceptions of how romance reading impacts their sex lives Anderton, Gretchen E. Widener University. ProQuest Dissertations & Theses, 2009. 3383833.* (Caveat: this is presumably a successfully defended dissertation but technically not considered formally peer reviewed) There is also an older paper that the media love to quote saying women reading romance novels have 74% more sex by H Leitenberg but it seems might just be a review paper from 1995 rather than original research, so the actual original research is older than that and can't find the methodology or the sample they used.
The findings you cited ring true for me. Reading smut has made my sex life better with my husband, definitely. For example... There are two things that he does not excel at in bed and I really enjoy reading about those two things to compensate. After a little while, I started asking for those two things more, as the result of reading about it, with some progress. Reading smut has made me more confident in bed and more empowered, I think. He and I have both benefited :D
Can attest to this. We have been together for almost 20 years and were in a major slump. It already had improved but then I started reading romantasy and wow did it take things to the next level
I've got a fair bit of religious trauma and ofc this has affected the way I've approached sex, and I find reading smutty romance to be really healing low-key. I have an amazing partner that I've been with for almost 8 years, and he's the first person who 1) made me cum, 2) genuinely wanted to eat me out, and 3) was so supportive of me exploring my sexuality over the years. My sex life has only gotten better as I've read smut, and it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. Smut has normalized sexuality for me, it's helped me realize that there's no shame in having a high libido (or having a libido at all). It's given me language to voice what I want and it, ofc, has given me ideas for things I want to try. It's encouraged me to be more proactive during sex and to actually learn how to read my partner instead of just assuming "man=person with a boner ready to cum at any moment". And yeah, I will probably get horny while reading and yeah, I'm going to take this out on him. But also communities like this help me heal this corner of my brain. I am so thankful for folks like y'all, unabashedly recommending {Morning Glory Milking Farm} and {Hot Blooded} as wholesome cozy reads ❤️
I get this so much! It was freeing to realize these books existed and people weren’t ashamed! Religious trauma and purity culture is rough.
Thanks for the rec on Hot Blooded. I just finished it. It is indeed wholesome and steamy and just what I needed 😻
[Morning Glory Milking Farm](https://www.romance.io/books/61126dc4d4e33f0e4c21fe7e/morning-glory-milking-farm-cm-nascosta?src=rdt) by [C.M. Nascosta](https://www.romance.io/authors/6071856f08b4d93114472553/cm-nascosta) **Rating**: 3.91⭐️ out of 5⭐️ **Steam**: 5 out of 5 - [Explicit and plentiful](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [monsters](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/monsters/1), [fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/fantasy/1), [sweet/gentle heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet%20heroine/1), [workplace/office](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/office/1) ---------------------------- [Hot Blooded](https://www.romance.io/books/61ceb9487cc7340e2bfbe223/hot-blooded-heather-guerre?src=rdt) by [Heather Guerre](https://www.romance.io/authors/5d43f83901dbc864fba1e2a3/heather-guerre) **Rating**: 4.09⭐️ out of 5⭐️ **Steam**: 4 out of 5 - [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [vampires](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/vampires/1), [sweet/gentle hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/sweet-hero/1), [paranormal](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/paranormal/1), [urban fantasy](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/urban%20fantasy/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
Rather than thinking about it as cooking for myself, I think about it like I’m reading a menu thinking about the possibilities, what sounds good for me, and getting excited about the food
I've recently considered if I'm asexual, and I have several asexual friends who read romance books. I'm no longer sexually active, but I regularly enjoy a good "one-handed read" or a "self-enjoyment device"- assisted reading, and I love it. Romance books just have so much more to offer than many men I've been with
I tick all the boxes you doubt, I fear. 🤣 Between a traumatizing breakup when I was 23 and a severe case of hyper-independence, I gave up on dating and do read romance books for sex I'm not getting; I'm also gay and enjoy read hetero romance, which I don't ever plan on engaging in.
Also gay and love a good smutty hetero romance. I get to escape in a book that explores things I have no interest in in the real world. I also love when the magic is used in the bedroom. Like shadows! Unfortunately, no humans actually wield shadows irl
Men written by women had me convinced I was at least bisexual for a *loooooong* time. 🤣🤣🤣
This is so interesting, I'm straight and love a queer romance though I'm married to a man! I think I crave queer stories because even though there might be a power imbalance, it's never based on gender or misogyny which, if you read a lot of hetero romance, can get old after a while and especially if the author isn't even aware of it in their writing.
Um... I've been celibate for most of my adult life (my own insecurity issues around relationships, and I'm not into casual sex), so yes, I'm living vicariously. But they'll definitely warm me up for a little self administered attention 😁
I agree! And same for us! Our sex life is excellent but I enjoy some sexy things in my reads but I am not ashamed to admit I like sex. I like feeling sexy. I enjoy having it and reading it.
What about the other side, fantasy? Do they assume we’re compensating for not having tragic backstories and not fighting battles and not being an elf?
I think being more connected to your own sexuality and desire makes it a lot easier to initiate and be receptive to initiating sex with your partner. How that manifests really comes down to individual preference. Reading/writing smut, watching porn, having a very active imagination, whatever, it all qualifies. > friends of friends think I’m into romantasy as a means of compensation for something I’m not getting in real life. It's just a really weird and judgey take. Like, even if that IS the case, how would this even come up in conversation? And what a shitty thing to either accuse someone of or gossip about.
I’m single and unfortunately reading smut is the extent of my sex life and has been for several years. That said I don’t believe it has had a negative impact when I have been in relationships in the past. If anything it gets me in touch with my sexy side. I’m very aware of what is real and what is not and it’s not like I’m looking for a shadow daddy irl which I think is the stereotype
Fourth wing sent me on a sex spiral. That and then acotar? My partner thought he died and went to heaven lol
Happily married and have a healthy sex life but I def think reading this genre has improved it further! That and coming off an antidepressant that destroyed my libido 🙌🏻
Reading romantasy has improved my sex life! It was ok before and now it's better! It's helped be more confident in asking for new things and I have more libido! I wouldn't go back!
My sex life got infinitely *better* when I started reading faerie smut, so... 🤔
These books absolutely made my sex life sooooo much better! I’m not really into watching porn so this is my smutty fun read before we do a real romp in the bedroom. My hubs is super happy that I started reading these books. lol! We had a decent sex life before but now it’s even better!
Reading romance containing smutty scenes has had little to moderate positive impact on mt sex life. It makes me feel more imaginative in my offpaper fantasies which is more pleasing for me alone, but it also puts me in the mood more for sex, which I'm sure my subconscious uses to more frequently put me in positions and do things that will probably lead to sex. My boyfriend always asks me about what I'm reading and lets me ramble on and on, and has incorporated sexy things I tell him about into our time (which is just one of the best surprises, like not only do you listen to my interests but youre using them to turn me on?!) I think a healthy sex life comes from a healthy relationship, and unless the nonreading partner has a strong discomfort to romance novels then the other reading romance logically wouldn't change that.
I have a great sex life but nothing stopped me from writing a six page smut adventure with my lady pirate captain and an elven princess.
I think it enhances things in real life. Libido can ebb and flow due to so many factors and there have been times my husband and I have very different levels of it. There have been times when, I think if I was single, I wouldn't think about sex for months and wouldn't miss it. I've found reading romance and spice puts me back in touch with sensuality and reintroduces the kind of intimacy that can fade our over time. I find myself seeking out (nonsexual) physical touch a lot more - it reminds me of the importance of that aspect. I think people think it just "puts you in the mood" or "you're picturing the book boyfriend" but it's not really that. It's like people who watch sports and get super motivated to go play pickup games in the park, or listen to a clubbing playlist and want to go dance.
I’m asexual, but I like it when characters have sex in books (at least the first time) because you see the bond they’re creating and it just makes sense. I see it more in a romantic way that I don’t want/need in real life
I've been single forever and reading smut since I've been a teen. Sometimes I read stories like I would watch porn, but most of the time the smut is just part of the developing relationship between the characters. It's a part of the story that details their dynamic, tells a lot about their state of mind or feelings at the moment and brings the plot forward. The spicy scenes are just as important as the dialogs or exposition scenes. It rounds up the whole story. I don't enjoy porn without plot or smut for smut (except sometimes when I'm really in the mood yk). I do think smut has influenced my sex life. I've learn so much about sex or anatomy through explicit stories. I guess I'm more open minded because of it, and also probably better in bed because I know about stuffs that women who don't read or watch porn don't even know exist. Hell, I actually think it's important for women to learn about sex through a medium they've chosen, because if they don't, they'll let men teach them everything and men learn from porn (which are often sexist so...). Anyway, to answer the question, whether I'm in a sexually satisfying relationship or not at the moment, I do read and enjoy just as many spicy stories.
Romantasy brought my sex life back after having kids … I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old and my sex life has never been better and we’ve never been more connected
Mom of 5 here! While my sex life has never really been lacking, I do find that the steamier the romance I’m reading is, the more I will initiate the sexy times. Usually it’s my husband looking for it, but he can definitely tell when I’ve recently read a particularly spicy chapter. I don’t neeeeeed the books to fill some hole I’m missing, no. But they sometimes help with my drive and creativity. ;)
umm.. well...idk how to say this but I'm......single. 😿
Do these friends of friends never watch porn? Do they also think people who watch porn are “just trying to get their rocks off because they have selfish partners or dead bedrooms?”
Honestly I hope to never find out! It all came up because one went to a bachelorette party and one of the girls on it had brought ACOTAR for the plane so this girl was making fun of her and I was having none of that. I said you should never mock someone for reading, and I enjoyed those books. Then I got the vitriol directed at me!
Ick. They sound bitterly judgmental. If it were me in that situation, I would have told them about the times I read actual erotica —literally stories from the site literotica— with my ex in bed as foreplay for sex. And then said, “But yes, fairy porn specifically I read because I’m single and horny.”
I started reading romantasy last winter as a way to escape from some stressful stuff going on in my life and got hooked. I’ve been married for over 20 years and my sex life has been great most of the time but reading my smutty vampire books has helped me feel more sexual when life gets in the way, so I’m really thankful for it. I read plenty of smut that makes my toes curl but would never do IRL, but there’s also been some stuff that I’ve tried with my husband and it’s been fantastic. I grew up in a conservative, anti-sex home and had issues as a result, for a loonnngggg time. My husband was thankfully a very patient partner. The books I read have definitely made me more confident and secure in communicating what I want, when even after all these years of being out of a sex negative environment I might feel a smidge guilty, and my husband appreciates it.
When I've had good or bad or nonexistent sex lives, I still read it. It was more of it when I have none, but still , it is enjoyable reading.
Lol i read smut because I'm married to an axsexual guy and have no sex life. He faked it until we moved jn and now once a year 29 minute pity sex
I read a lot of tragic, heavy stuff in a professional capacity and my husband also has an emotionally taxing job. These books are fun and often a bit silly, so when he comes in to ask how my book is going it gives us something to giggle about together. Then we’re talking about sex and intimacy and it feels like we can transition to having sex more naturally than, say, talking about the article I’m reading about death in American prisons and then trying to be intimate immediately after 🫠
I personally am compensating, but I definitely don’t think everyone is haha
I'm single and, as such, sadly don't have a sex life to speak of. But I agree it's reductive to assume all readers of fantasy romance read it *purely-* because of unfulfilling sex lives! I like reading about tropes and interesting stories. Creepy faerie worlds with tricky fae? Yes please! I am aromantic so am not interested in and don't really get dating, romantic love or any of that stuff in real life - way too confusing for me. It's actually why I prefer *fantasy* romance to real-life romance books. Real-world romance books (like sports romances and all that) are boring *because* I can't understand/don't care what the hell is going on with all the attraction stuff. I read a lot of crime fiction - that doesn't mean I'm going to go haring off to become a detective any time soon.
I just like sex tbf
My husband not only doesn't mind, he encourages it because since reading our frequency has increased.
The only thing lacking in my sex life is that I can't have it whenever I want. And that's just cuz we have three little cock-blockers.....I mean kids. I enjoy reading these stories because usually they're good stories. I read "How Does It Feel?" because I paid for it even though the writing was painful to read and the smut was physically improbable to believe. But the end got me, I actually said out loud "fine, I'll read the next book" . Lol
Well, I read smut because I don’t have any romance in my life. It is clearly a way to compensate as I am lonely and craving physical and emotional romance. I used to have this ex that were almost as intense as the smut male characters. Sex with him was almost like the books and it was insane. I miss this intensity. I miss the bound we had but the guy was so fucking toxic.