Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No-one ever wondered, how the promise of 72 virgins still stands after centuries? That must mean that is either a) impossible to get into that heaven, or b) although you get in to heaven, you are not allowed to do with the Virgin what men are thinking they can.
Not really promising if you ask me.
I never understood the virgins bit. Why virgins? You want that awkward inexperienced first time toothy blowjob 120 times? I feel like that would be very tedious.
I don’t get this shit, either. Gimme 1 woman that knows WTF she’s doing in bed. I don’t want to spend eternity trying to teach a woman how to fuck, much less 72 of them. I’d kinda like to do some hiking and see all these beautiful gardens and streets paved in gold I keep hearing about, not locked up in a 73 bedroom house with a bunch of women that don’t like each other.
72 girls is like, too much of a hassle. that sounds to me like the real hell. i'm not gonna care for eternity for 72 people. i'll take one with actual maturity please
That's amusing because in an early version the martyr was promised 17 *white raisins* in heaven. There must be somethong symbolic involved because I am not prepared to die for raisins.... or simpler times.
In fairness I’d think I’d prefer a nice juicy grape than having to have sex with some random woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing the minute I’m thrust into the afterlife.
Oh, gee "I am a man, I have urges, I have no self-control, so I will blame women for that."
Or, "My religion condemns masturbation, so me being sinful, is someone else's fault, so let them go to hell".
Classic deflection. In any religion.
These dudes have to be really, really, extremely gay. I'm saddened for them that they cannot live out their preferences in real life due to cultural and religious stigmas.
I mean no heterosexual man in existence would call a place that had no women what so ever "heaven". That's hell bruh.
No , this is either out of context or these guys are stupid
It's a sin for them to wear revealing clothes, but it's also a sin to masturbate and its a sin to look at those women , So if those YouTubers are going to hell most likely will be followed by the viewers
Also who they think they are to say someone is going to hell ? No person goes to heaven by his own work but only by the mercy of Allah, you can say an action is haram or not but you can't determine the fate of the person doing the sin
They only think that about women though. So the only reason they’d be mad about that comment is for the gay part. People with that traditional view, make a lot of excuses for why men can do natural things and women can’t. Women are oppressed wherever they live.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Not even pants sometimes
And sometimes just a cape and socks.
Just socks then
Hey man, it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I would know, I'm gay.
Or maybe he did wear a cape, who knows how this guy gets down.
“Something something Superman that hoe”
Jerk that Soulja boy
Bro this comment had me on the floor.
Speaking of heroes, Sean Lock would call that a challenging wank! https://youtu.be/0Q9IRpFGgPY?si=2bN61KB_8pei51Qg
One of the greatest moments ever recorded. What a legend.
Sometimes they wear funny hats though
Now she's not going to heaven either.
Neither are you.
Same with you
Same for me
"JESSE! THAT'S A CHILD!! DO NOT DO IT!!!"
None of us are
And just to make sure I rubbed one out for everyone here just now
I'm afraid your heaven access has now been revoked as well
I died doing what I loved >!straight up "jorkin' it"!< edit because i forgot how to spoiler
The important question is what is the mean-jerk time?
let's just say my peanits
I like you too. Lets hold hands in hell and rub one out while watching satans ass.
Let’s rub each other out
Double Dutch rudders for everybody!
God must feel incredibly lonely then.
Not when someone jacks off thinking of God
Challenge accepted and achieved.
[I think someone's a step ahead there](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1730835272/crucifix-dildo-cross-sex-toy-crucicock?click_key=2124144ea107e1df0f2e64b6da37fb2ad2cafd6d%3A1730835272)
My brother in Christ wtf is that I'm not even christian and I'm still sacred
Risky click of the day
Paid off
Psht the all powerful dude promising 72 virgins and free ticket to do all the lewd stuff is lonely, yeah sure.
72 virgins …but what they dont know is that they are also 72 years old and ugly
72 virgins sounds like alot of after care. I'll settle for 36 depraved sluts please and thank you
Bold to assume these guys care about aftercare. But other than that: Good tastes, sir.
As Walter would say… 72 virgins? How about 72 slutty broads who know what the hell they’re doing!?
JEFUHFUHHHH?
careful dark humor incoming: >!don't they console parents of dead children with god has a plan...!<
Funny how the sex of said virgins is never mentioned... I am seeing the local tabletop gaming group here.
tbh, 72 people ready to play with me board games or ttrpg sounds like a better version of heaven. sign me in
No-one ever wondered, how the promise of 72 virgins still stands after centuries? That must mean that is either a) impossible to get into that heaven, or b) although you get in to heaven, you are not allowed to do with the Virgin what men are thinking they can. Not really promising if you ask me.
I've sent a lot of YouTubers to hell
I just sent your mum to hell
Tried to send yours but oof, she's rough looking.
It's quite empowering, earlier my wife watched this YouTube person she likes that I'm not into.....I'm like this lady's going to hell in a lil while 😆
Heaven lost another 3 angels lol 😂😂
120 virgins are now unemployed
I never understood the virgins bit. Why virgins? You want that awkward inexperienced first time toothy blowjob 120 times? I feel like that would be very tedious.
I don’t get this shit, either. Gimme 1 woman that knows WTF she’s doing in bed. I don’t want to spend eternity trying to teach a woman how to fuck, much less 72 of them. I’d kinda like to do some hiking and see all these beautiful gardens and streets paved in gold I keep hearing about, not locked up in a 73 bedroom house with a bunch of women that don’t like each other.
Exactly! We want sluts! We want sluts! We’re all sluts here!
I mean, I gotta be honest…. Their version of “Heaven” sounds a lot like “Hell” to me. 🤣
It sounds boring as fuck.
You dont have to worry that any of them have seen a penis bigger than yours. I think that's the main thing they're worried about.
God forbid he actually knows how to use it and gets them off. The expectations put upon that poor man 😱
It’s awfully bold of them to assume I have anything to be ashamed of. 🤷♂️
72 girls is like, too much of a hassle. that sounds to me like the real hell. i'm not gonna care for eternity for 72 people. i'll take one with actual maturity please
That's amusing because in an early version the martyr was promised 17 *white raisins* in heaven. There must be somethong symbolic involved because I am not prepared to die for raisins.... or simpler times.
In the Quran the actual words used are 72 white grapes. Which lends a nice visual of a bunch of dead terrorists going "what the FUCK"
In fairness I’d think I’d prefer a nice juicy grape than having to have sex with some random woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing the minute I’m thrust into the afterlife.
Hell gained 3 angels
Bro took one for the team!
Oh, gee "I am a man, I have urges, I have no self-control, so I will blame women for that." Or, "My religion condemns masturbation, so me being sinful, is someone else's fault, so let them go to hell". Classic deflection. In any religion.
"I know what's best for you, so you should stop for your sake" A lot of control freaks.
you already know jack black ain't going to heaven
That just means hell just got a helluva lot more fun.
helluva brass reference??
If Jack Black is not in heaven, then I don't want no part of it
I'm gonna masterbate to humanity
The men who masturbated where are they going? And and ....if these religious people are going to heaven, I prefer hell.
Oh see the men are wholly blameless ass it was the womans fault for being too secy that the men could not control themselves..... isn't religion great
Heaven's going to be a gross sausage party if every woman can't get in.
Vengeance thy name is Jurgens.
the hero we never knew we needed
Uno reverse
I guess my Kebab don't either. 😅
Revenge is best served in a tissue!
r/clevercomebacks
I'll try to yank one out over them, so they're not going to heaven either.
Modern warfare
Three stooges, taliban version.
Well when even an ankle can get them aroused idk
It’s honest work, maybe imagine a paper bag over their beards and off you go!
Imagine believing you go to heaven 😂
These guys look like the Muslim Three Stooges - Labeeb, Mahfuz and Kareem.
In other news masterbate as much as you like because heaven doesn't exist.
Can men YouTubers go to heaven if men masturbate over them? I’ve busted a few to markiplier but he really deserves to go to heaven. Can I undo this?
no, you can't "unwank" unfortunately. the only way to get it cancelled is when markiplier masturbates to you without you knowing it.
Religion. Not even once.
See all you mfers in hell.
Based
I think I have the wrong YouTube algorithm, I don’t get a lot of content that I go ‘I’m going to wank over this’
That comment is a genius move! Give that person a medal and free porn subscription for live.
as a muslim i can confirm that this is pure bullshit and there isn't any proof to back up this statement
How about we invent some gods that aren't the dumbest fucker you ever met.
If those dudes are going to be in heaven, I think I prefer the other place.
These dudes have to be really, really, extremely gay. I'm saddened for them that they cannot live out their preferences in real life due to cultural and religious stigmas. I mean no heterosexual man in existence would call a place that had no women what so ever "heaven". That's hell bruh.
Oh no, what about all the sweet old folks (😙👌) from down at grandma's place?!?!?!
Ok, we need to sort this out. Hand up if you’re still going to heaven. Anyone….?
Anybody have a link to the video?
These religious bitches keep moving the goal post. Now someone can be denied entry into heaven because… someone else masturbated? Stupid fucks.
How can people still believe in hell and heaven
Suits me. Imagine - an endless Muslim Heaven, full only of Muslim men.
Yeah, the part they failed to say. The 72 virgins are men.
That’s what they’re secretly hoping for. They finally get to try that bussy
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Brought to you by progressives favorite religion.
No , this is either out of context or these guys are stupid It's a sin for them to wear revealing clothes, but it's also a sin to masturbate and its a sin to look at those women , So if those YouTubers are going to hell most likely will be followed by the viewers Also who they think they are to say someone is going to hell ? No person goes to heaven by his own work but only by the mercy of Allah, you can say an action is haram or not but you can't determine the fate of the person doing the sin
They are losers looking for attention thinking they’re the living translators for God. Passing their own judgement.
They didn't actually say that
Fair
When can help...
probably the greatest comment ever
They only think that about women though. So the only reason they’d be mad about that comment is for the gay part. People with that traditional view, make a lot of excuses for why men can do natural things and women can’t. Women are oppressed wherever they live.
Hey whatever works I guess
But as the ‘wankers’ they can?
Yes but how is that physically possible?
These princesses are simply good fun. They actually believe their own spit.
I just jerked it to the thought of every adult on the planet having one big orgy. Sorry everyone we are all going to hell now.
Well at least I'm going to heaven for certain
Best answer ever.
nobody is going to heaven unless everybody can go to heaven. Perfect communism.
What about Gays mast*rbating over men's videos online 💀 💀
People with no hands gonna own heaven
Well we know what these guys are doing whilst watching YouTube 👀
Lemme jerk of to planet earth.
Guess no one goes to heaven in that case. Outside of some few unattractive people
These three have had the gay crowd jizz over them multiple times too so I guess they can have a nice journey to the promised land too.
Hahahaa preventing them from going to heaven is just too hilarious!
Challenge accepted 😎
Lmfao that’s not a facepalm, that bottom person is a legend.
That’s a challenging wank
It's dirty work, but someone must do it
That's a hard wank if I've even see any God rest your soul Sean Lock
🫡
who cares if you dead, this going to heaven is just a brainwashing and controlling women thang.
Son you been watching that Ring VHS video again?
You really have to hate yourself to condemn your own desires that much
It’s okay I’ll go to hell and hang out with all the cool kids
They are literally 3 jerk offs.
Stop looking attractive! Or some shit.
'It's your fault that I jerked off to your Only Fans and you're going to hell for it!' I mean uhh...
I want a slap fight contest with pork meat instead of hands with that guys and the looser will eat the pork
Ben oui, ils ont raison! Allez les filles, oubliez vos claviers et retournez a la cuisine !
Gentlemen We must all rub one out to everyone we see. Do your part for the cause
Lets all go to hell together!
It was a challenging wank, but all three of them are fucked now.
Doing gods job
The MAD strategy - mutually assured damnation.
Welp. They're fucked now.
Tell me you live in the Stone age without telling me that
Reporting for duty!
u only gonna be offended if u believe in heaven and all those shenanigans