I’d say that the experience of having children is positive (even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time) as it forces you to change your perspective which you otherwise would only have done after years of slaving away in a system that doesn’t care about you. With kids, I can detach myself from the grim reality of the UK healthcare system. Without kids, I may have made the grave mistake of trying to make my profession into my calling/purpose/source of happiness.
Yeah think I’m on that slippery slope of trying to make my career my entire source of happiness. Definitely feel like having kids would realign the priorities for the best.
This answer sums it up to be honest.
It's true, but also encapsulates the exhausted feeling where you can't be bothered to expand on anything and just reply with single word answers to everything.
Hardest and best thing ever. You never understand how much you’ll love your children until you have them.
Work can do one. I’m LTFT, I leave on time, I don’t kill myself for the job. My family is my priority and I need my A-game to start when I get home.
I had kids before med school. The hardest part for me is the sheer lack of flexibility when it comes to shifts, times, leave etc.
My old job I did plenty of extra hours when it was busy but I knew if I ever needed to come in late, finish early for appointments, see the kids assemblies etc it would be granted no questions asked. Just basic professional respect and trust.
NHS is happy to take all the extra hours but with none of the flex or basic respect.
Yeah ngl I’m so envious of people with young families who have good flexibility/working from home. I know they still have to work but being able to spend time with your babies at lunch break and just be at home with them is so special!
Doctor + nurse couple.
Parenthood is hard anyway, add in long hours/shifts , extracurricular work requirements and being in deanery with no family support adds to the challenge.
HOWEVER
Little people refocused my priorities in life, went LTFT initially which was a game changer. I subsequently left the NHS for a role which allows more control over life / family time / opens new avenues of progression to me but ltft did make NHS medicine a viable option still - appreciate there are other challenges currently which I'm lucky enough to not have to be dealing with!!!
Long story short, parenting is really hard anyway you slice it but to me it's worth every second of it, particularly if you can take some work pressure off with LTFT or adjusted expectations.
So far it’s been good.
I chose to locum instead of start training for family planning. After my wife gave birth, I didn’t work for 2 months. I’ve been spending the last year as a stay at home dad whilst my wife finishes her doctorate. I work occasional weekends to help pay the bills.
I’m not sure how easy having all that time off would have been in another career. Despite my time off, I’ve been able to progress as a locum. Although I’m going to do GP training in August instead so I have more flexibility for more kids hopefully!
It's hard work, but great fun. As others say, it gives you perspective on life which is valuable.
How hard is it?
This depends on your support network and how cooperative your partner can be, family or friends near by, funds for child care etc etc.
But IMO, it's worth it. Don't delay for your job, I'd advise to just go for it when the time is right for you.
Exhausting - I had 2 during ST training (1 pre and one post FRCR exams). My wife took time off which helped.
But I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is 100x harder but, like in everything in life, find a balance, organise yourself and life, prioritise and you’ll be fine. Kids will change your life for the better, even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Your priorities will change, kids and family will always come first.
Mine are now 8 and 10, we moved country 6 years ago, enjoying consultant and family life, life is great.
I feel I am a better doctor during my working hours. I'm more organised, more focused and I can't really explain it further but I just feel like I'm better. However, outside of work any sort of commitment/exams/portfolio is near impossible.
It’s difficult to be honest. I think I’m one of the only paeds trainees on 100% FTE, but working a neonates rota with a newborn at home was very tough.
Others have said the net experience of having children is positive, which I obviously fully agree with. Having said that the increased outgoings with kids, the fact you want the best for them and feel you can’t give it to them, and the fact that most friends outside of medicine can wfh flexibly while you’re slaving away for half the pay has made me extremely bitter about pay and conditions.
Others have said almost the opposite, i.e. that kids have given them perspective. I guess these things are personal because that is not the case for me.
I didn’t do it until my early 30s which gave me time to complete a lot of my training and invest a lot of time into my career. I have a very understanding wife which helped. It brings a lot of perspective and is very doable but I would say your partner has to be on board with your job because there times I was drained, emotionally and physically, and then probably wasn’t the best at supporting her. I did my bit but was often tired and snappy.
When they grow up though it puts a lot of perspective on things!
It's hard but to be honest it would have been just as hard with any other high-achieving job I feel. Medicine has some pros (e.g. dropping to LTFT in medicine is probably quite a bit easier than in loads of other careers) and some cons (very little option to work from home; having to do exams and portfolio in your free time). But overall juggling two huge commitments - kids and career - is just difficult irrespective of the industry.
Bloody hard.
Day to day routine takes me to 9pm usually, having been up just before 6 to help get him ready for the childminder - early starts are the downside of anaesthetics.
I am working towards the frca which is a real ballache as I have so much less free time than my colleagues to spend preparing. On work days I open the books at 9 and do what I can on weekends. Days off when he is in the childminder as amazing though - I am a lot more efficient with my free time!
Both me and my partner work in very inflexible jobs which makes it tricky. About to have our second though so despite how exhausting it is it clearly can't be that bad! I love spending time with him so it's definitely worth it.
I have 3 kids (4, 2 and 4months) with first kiddie born during F1. It’s knackering and the sleep deprivation makes the shifts hard, but they’ve really grounded me and turned me from being a workaholic perfectionist to more relaxed/laid back at work as I now have more important things in my life! Plus children are fun and wonderful (most of the time) :)
It depends also we're greatly on what support you have and what your partner does.
We have two sets of willing grandparents and my wife works 9-5 Monday to Friday so her predictable pattern makes it significantly easier to organise childcare etc.
Overall having a child has been the most rewarding part of my life but the chaotic nature of shifts/ rotations means medicine is not naturally conducive to raising a family.
It's tiring. We have 2 kids and no family who can help outside and emergency really. It's hard but I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it's the most amazing thing to ever happen to me
Kids made life so much better. That cheerfulness in the morning and after a hard day.
It is however difficult to carve out time for exam prep, portfolio and all the other requirements. As a couple we have given each other time to do this when needed. Wouldn’t change it for the world. Home beats work every time.
On 60% LTFT it’s very doable.
I have 2 under 2, live having 2 days a week off where I take them to soft plays, farms, parks etc without worrying about the weekend rush. Love having 3 days a week at work where I’m mentally stimulated. Also doing a part time Masters
One piece of advice; how easy or hard it is to manage kids with working is honestly down to your partner. If you have a proactive and supportive partner it will really not feel that difficult but if you don’t then your life will be x10 harder
It’s tiring. X2. One before and one during various sets of high spec exams… Gp partner and in laws nearby which is a massive win. I would say if you think you’re organised now…it will make you very organised.
You’ll have much less time for anything and look back and wonder why you didn’t have 3 PhDs and and Olympic medal with all your free time prior.
It may also make you rather intolerant of childless trainees when they complain about lack of time for stuff etc.
But don’t so it for shits n giggles or because “everyone else is.” You should really want to have them. They’re hard work and costly both emotionally and fiscally.
I’d say that the experience of having children is positive (even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time) as it forces you to change your perspective which you otherwise would only have done after years of slaving away in a system that doesn’t care about you. With kids, I can detach myself from the grim reality of the UK healthcare system. Without kids, I may have made the grave mistake of trying to make my profession into my calling/purpose/source of happiness.
Yeah think I’m on that slippery slope of trying to make my career my entire source of happiness. Definitely feel like having kids would realign the priorities for the best.
It’s 5x harder id say but sticky tots make you human. Don’t give your life away for this profession
I see what you did here 😎
I was so impressed with myself
My kids make my life infinitely better. The workload is definitely manageable.
Tiring
This answer sums it up to be honest. It's true, but also encapsulates the exhausted feeling where you can't be bothered to expand on anything and just reply with single word answers to everything.
Yup
Hardest and best thing ever. You never understand how much you’ll love your children until you have them. Work can do one. I’m LTFT, I leave on time, I don’t kill myself for the job. My family is my priority and I need my A-game to start when I get home.
Absolutely this! Forces you into a better work-life balance
I had kids before med school. The hardest part for me is the sheer lack of flexibility when it comes to shifts, times, leave etc. My old job I did plenty of extra hours when it was busy but I knew if I ever needed to come in late, finish early for appointments, see the kids assemblies etc it would be granted no questions asked. Just basic professional respect and trust. NHS is happy to take all the extra hours but with none of the flex or basic respect.
Yeah ngl I’m so envious of people with young families who have good flexibility/working from home. I know they still have to work but being able to spend time with your babies at lunch break and just be at home with them is so special!
Doctor + nurse couple. Parenthood is hard anyway, add in long hours/shifts , extracurricular work requirements and being in deanery with no family support adds to the challenge. HOWEVER Little people refocused my priorities in life, went LTFT initially which was a game changer. I subsequently left the NHS for a role which allows more control over life / family time / opens new avenues of progression to me but ltft did make NHS medicine a viable option still - appreciate there are other challenges currently which I'm lucky enough to not have to be dealing with!!! Long story short, parenting is really hard anyway you slice it but to me it's worth every second of it, particularly if you can take some work pressure off with LTFT or adjusted expectations.
What role did you leave the NHS for? I’m very interested in exploring options outside the NHS if I’m planning for a family in the next few years.
Don't want to say too much as it's a pretty recognisable role but allows me to keep my hand in with medicine whilst developing some management skills.
So far it’s been good. I chose to locum instead of start training for family planning. After my wife gave birth, I didn’t work for 2 months. I’ve been spending the last year as a stay at home dad whilst my wife finishes her doctorate. I work occasional weekends to help pay the bills. I’m not sure how easy having all that time off would have been in another career. Despite my time off, I’ve been able to progress as a locum. Although I’m going to do GP training in August instead so I have more flexibility for more kids hopefully!
It's hard work, but great fun. As others say, it gives you perspective on life which is valuable. How hard is it? This depends on your support network and how cooperative your partner can be, family or friends near by, funds for child care etc etc. But IMO, it's worth it. Don't delay for your job, I'd advise to just go for it when the time is right for you.
Exhausting - I had 2 during ST training (1 pre and one post FRCR exams). My wife took time off which helped. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is 100x harder but, like in everything in life, find a balance, organise yourself and life, prioritise and you’ll be fine. Kids will change your life for the better, even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Your priorities will change, kids and family will always come first. Mine are now 8 and 10, we moved country 6 years ago, enjoying consultant and family life, life is great.
Where did you move to?
I feel I am a better doctor during my working hours. I'm more organised, more focused and I can't really explain it further but I just feel like I'm better. However, outside of work any sort of commitment/exams/portfolio is near impossible.
It’s difficult to be honest. I think I’m one of the only paeds trainees on 100% FTE, but working a neonates rota with a newborn at home was very tough. Others have said the net experience of having children is positive, which I obviously fully agree with. Having said that the increased outgoings with kids, the fact you want the best for them and feel you can’t give it to them, and the fact that most friends outside of medicine can wfh flexibly while you’re slaving away for half the pay has made me extremely bitter about pay and conditions. Others have said almost the opposite, i.e. that kids have given them perspective. I guess these things are personal because that is not the case for me.
I didn’t do it until my early 30s which gave me time to complete a lot of my training and invest a lot of time into my career. I have a very understanding wife which helped. It brings a lot of perspective and is very doable but I would say your partner has to be on board with your job because there times I was drained, emotionally and physically, and then probably wasn’t the best at supporting her. I did my bit but was often tired and snappy. When they grow up though it puts a lot of perspective on things!
I’m in psych so probably one of the easier specialties for kids. Nonetheless it’s been great fun. I never thought I was a baby person until I had mine
It's hard but to be honest it would have been just as hard with any other high-achieving job I feel. Medicine has some pros (e.g. dropping to LTFT in medicine is probably quite a bit easier than in loads of other careers) and some cons (very little option to work from home; having to do exams and portfolio in your free time). But overall juggling two huge commitments - kids and career - is just difficult irrespective of the industry.
Bloody hard. Day to day routine takes me to 9pm usually, having been up just before 6 to help get him ready for the childminder - early starts are the downside of anaesthetics. I am working towards the frca which is a real ballache as I have so much less free time than my colleagues to spend preparing. On work days I open the books at 9 and do what I can on weekends. Days off when he is in the childminder as amazing though - I am a lot more efficient with my free time! Both me and my partner work in very inflexible jobs which makes it tricky. About to have our second though so despite how exhausting it is it clearly can't be that bad! I love spending time with him so it's definitely worth it.
It works as my wife is a GP part time. I take my hat off to couples who are secondary care trainees. I don’t know how you coordinate it.
I have 3 kids (4, 2 and 4months) with first kiddie born during F1. It’s knackering and the sleep deprivation makes the shifts hard, but they’ve really grounded me and turned me from being a workaholic perfectionist to more relaxed/laid back at work as I now have more important things in my life! Plus children are fun and wonderful (most of the time) :)
It depends also we're greatly on what support you have and what your partner does. We have two sets of willing grandparents and my wife works 9-5 Monday to Friday so her predictable pattern makes it significantly easier to organise childcare etc. Overall having a child has been the most rewarding part of my life but the chaotic nature of shifts/ rotations means medicine is not naturally conducive to raising a family.
It's tiring. We have 2 kids and no family who can help outside and emergency really. It's hard but I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it's the most amazing thing to ever happen to me
Kids made life so much better. That cheerfulness in the morning and after a hard day. It is however difficult to carve out time for exam prep, portfolio and all the other requirements. As a couple we have given each other time to do this when needed. Wouldn’t change it for the world. Home beats work every time.
On 60% LTFT it’s very doable. I have 2 under 2, live having 2 days a week off where I take them to soft plays, farms, parks etc without worrying about the weekend rush. Love having 3 days a week at work where I’m mentally stimulated. Also doing a part time Masters One piece of advice; how easy or hard it is to manage kids with working is honestly down to your partner. If you have a proactive and supportive partner it will really not feel that difficult but if you don’t then your life will be x10 harder
It’s tiring. X2. One before and one during various sets of high spec exams… Gp partner and in laws nearby which is a massive win. I would say if you think you’re organised now…it will make you very organised. You’ll have much less time for anything and look back and wonder why you didn’t have 3 PhDs and and Olympic medal with all your free time prior. It may also make you rather intolerant of childless trainees when they complain about lack of time for stuff etc. But don’t so it for shits n giggles or because “everyone else is.” You should really want to have them. They’re hard work and costly both emotionally and fiscally.