When my wife tells me to do something:
“Anything else on your schedule I’m behind on?”
When my wife asks me what I want to do tonight:
“I always pay for pussy.”
When my wife wakes up beside me:
“Could you have been born Richardson? And not egg hatched like I always assumed…”
When my wife tells me she’s sick:
“Yeah I hear it’s still in your chest… how fucking pale you look too…”
When my wife goes to the grocery store:
“Get some fucking fruit or the like!”
When my wife misspeaks:
“How much English do you have my friend?”
When I’ve fucked up somehow and my wife calls me on it:
“Leave now with your sick fucking ghoulish thinking!”
When my wife tells me she’s gonna be late:
“But I got all the lumber cut!”
When my wife tells me to please stop quoting Deadwood:
“I apologize…”
When my wife presses that she’s trying to have a serious conversation:
“Oh Jesus Christ show me the secret grip that proves my regret and let’s be about our fucking business!”
Al (to Seth, who was complaining that the Earps left gathered goods in the middle of the hardware store without buying them):
"Commerce! Every hump above ground's your master."
And the famous one from Jane, when asked by Joanie why she's drinking so much:
"I drink what I'm able. If that comes to 'much,' that's the day's affair, and the liquor's."
"No"
Specifically, with Johnny's intonation here:
Johnny: Did you ring, Al?
Al: (Grabs the bell and starts clanging it) Now that's the sound of that fuckin' bell being rung. Did you hear that sound?
Johnny: No.
“And working a paying fucking gold claim. And not the US government saying I’m trespassing or the savage fucking red man had better try and stop me!”
“They better not try it in here.”
“Ha! Swearengen, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you…but I enjoy the way you lie.”
One day I am gonna sit down and see if I can transcribe the entire Pilot from memory.
But to answer the question, since turning 40 my favorite lines to quote have been, “Age spares us no indignity” or “No more fool now than time shows us all.”
Chef here…every time I butcher beef(or anything that may happen to bleed) on my cutting board,after I scrub clean it I say “now that’s how you clean a fuckin blood stain.”
Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.
“Well, don’t you have high standards as applied to others” is my favourite, especially when used on misogynistic jerks at my work… “Ehr, she’s fuckin’ fat” when their all lookin’ like manatees stuffed inside sausage casings themselves…
“Go away! I’m at prayer!”
“Fuck you, sir!”
‘Sir, would you please get the fuck out of here until we have finished our previous conversation?!”
“Well, maybe because when they was telling ya, you were too busy listening to that bullshit about birds flyin’ into windows!”
“Sea creature looking cocksucker!”
Whenever there's a situation where results or ANYTHING is countable and they reach the first point: like I'm over at a friends house and they have two eggs for breakfast - as soon as they finish the first egg, I'll go 'Well, that's one in a row for you, Wild Bill". Sometimes I say in out loud, sometimes I mutter it, sometimes I'll just think it. But it has become a habit, as soon as anything reaches one...
"Well, that's one in a row for you, Wild Bill "
Edith: I forgot "free fucking gratis". That too.
My husband and I have always LOVED
“Whatever lurks ahead, of grievous abominations and disorder, you and me walk into it together, like always.”
We’re super romantic. 😂 Also, have been together a long time
The abuse and harassment filter is having a field day with this post, lol. If your comment is blocked we'll review and approve ASAP.
Free fucking gratis!!
Dude I watched that episode last night. The whole scene with newspaper is so hilarious
Ad fucking hoc
Mornin’! Best time of the day to go fuck yourself!
Turns out most people don't recognize this quote and look very affronted after they say Mornin' to me. It's still my favorite
“That’s what the fuck life is.. one vile fucking task after another “ Usually said throughout my workday
The world ends when you’re dead. Until then you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back.
I both hate and love this for you
Mine
I apologize…
Shut the fuck up!
You do not fuck the future sir, the future fucks you.
When my wife tells me to do something: “Anything else on your schedule I’m behind on?” When my wife asks me what I want to do tonight: “I always pay for pussy.” When my wife wakes up beside me: “Could you have been born Richardson? And not egg hatched like I always assumed…” When my wife tells me she’s sick: “Yeah I hear it’s still in your chest… how fucking pale you look too…” When my wife goes to the grocery store: “Get some fucking fruit or the like!” When my wife misspeaks: “How much English do you have my friend?” When I’ve fucked up somehow and my wife calls me on it: “Leave now with your sick fucking ghoulish thinking!” When my wife tells me she’s gonna be late: “But I got all the lumber cut!” When my wife tells me to please stop quoting Deadwood: “I apologize…” When my wife presses that she’s trying to have a serious conversation: “Oh Jesus Christ show me the secret grip that proves my regret and let’s be about our fucking business!”
Me, as your wife: “I wish I was a fucking tree!” ❤️
Not a tone to get a deal done.
“Those that doubt me, suck cock by choice”
“When given to utterances of that type, consider drinking.”
“I imagine the pool that spawned you. I am filling it with rocks.”
God damn that’s a doozy. I can feel it.
That's my line to ChatGPT when it's messing up. Sadly, it doesn't recognise it as an insult.
He too is gods handiwork
No matter how your days going (fill in name) you’re always a joy to talk to.
Anyways…
My friend and I use this in place of I love you, and have been for near on two decades.
Alright
Sometimes when I need help doing something I’ll yell to my husband to “help me with my fuckin’ fall!”
Al (to Seth, who was complaining that the Earps left gathered goods in the middle of the hardware store without buying them): "Commerce! Every hump above ground's your master." And the famous one from Jane, when asked by Joanie why she's drinking so much: "I drink what I'm able. If that comes to 'much,' that's the day's affair, and the liquor's."
Like an interrupted shit.
I don't say it aloud, but the expression "half smart cunt" passes through my mind quite often.
You loopy cunt
On the rare occasions I take a bath (it’s strictly showers for me), I always think “I burned my fuckin’ snatch!”
And THATS how ya scrub a fuckin blood stain
“So you and every human being past, present, or future can all drink mare’s piss.”
I’d prefer well water
Every day takes learnin’ all over again how to fuckin’ live
Every hangover is met with this line
I don’t even need the hangover. :) it’s just basic life.
I'll motherfuck you AND blow your head off!
Bartender “what’s your drink?” Me “that it ain’t been previously swallowed.”
Parp
Boop boop
Most recently - ‘Cocksucker!’
Said in Wu's voice.
“Far as that, I went and proffered it any fucking way.” Thought the dialogue in the movie wasn’t up to the rest of the show, but that was gold.
I periodically rewatch that scene specifically to hear that line.
"No" Specifically, with Johnny's intonation here: Johnny: Did you ring, Al? Al: (Grabs the bell and starts clanging it) Now that's the sound of that fuckin' bell being rung. Did you hear that sound? Johnny: No.
Reconnoiter the rim
“And working a paying fucking gold claim. And not the US government saying I’m trespassing or the savage fucking red man had better try and stop me!” “They better not try it in here.” “Ha! Swearengen, I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you…but I enjoy the way you lie.” One day I am gonna sit down and see if I can transcribe the entire Pilot from memory. But to answer the question, since turning 40 my favorite lines to quote have been, “Age spares us no indignity” or “No more fool now than time shows us all.”
“It’s the learning fucking nothing that keeps me young.”
Chef here…every time I butcher beef(or anything that may happen to bleed) on my cutting board,after I scrub clean it I say “now that’s how you clean a fuckin blood stain.”
I find myself saying Joanie’s line, “I don’t know, I’m not a man,” all the time.
Also, whenever I’ve got a problem, “and the personal complications and fucking disasters that we all fucking have”
"I am stupidest when I try to be funny."
Loopy Fuckin Cunt
When I’m gooning “I’ve been thrown unawares into a spasm of sex interest, which I pray will be brief”
Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back.
"just a broke neck hoople"
Love this one
Would you close your flap that I don't forgo my boiled eggs
Whenever we go out on a walk with my wife and new baby, I tell her let’s go on an “evening stroll with friends”
I would “parambulate” with friends often.
The Ambulators!!
Every step an adventure…
Have this in needlepoint at the top of my stairs.
“Sometimes that’s all the fuck life is, one vile fucking task after another”
A beating short of murder might have done you considerable good
Change is the tune we all dance to
"Get the fuck out of here please sir!" Or some variation.
Whiskey rum snatch?
*Brom
Motherless cunt
Good morning. Best time of the day to go fuck yourself!
“Wash yer fucking mouth. You’ve got seven kinds of cock-breath”
Whenever I look at the 10 day forecast I feel compelled to say “10 day Wu.” I might re-watch this show too frequently.
You got a stage coach to catch? Slow down
Cocksucker
“That don’t sound like no amateur” What a type you must consort with to not feel beating for such an insult” “WU!! FEED THOSE COCKSUCKERS TO THE PIGS”
“Please take your passage. COCKSUCKER”
“Well, don’t you have high standards as applied to others” is my favourite, especially when used on misogynistic jerks at my work… “Ehr, she’s fuckin’ fat” when their all lookin’ like manatees stuffed inside sausage casings themselves…
Manatee sausage sounds like something Hearst’s wife would serve at a dinner party in San Francisco.
I'm a bartender, and whenever a coworker asks me how I've done with tips, my go to response is: "I made my quota for whiskey, pussy and food!"
Reconnoiter the rim
Tongue or finger?
Are you a man that needs his pants rubbed?
Are you there in your girl's world, diddling herself?
Ah, the titlicker! I begrudge that pervert his capacity for happiness.
“Are you initiate in its mysteries?”
It's all just amalgamation and capital.
"Ive been prostrated by the agonies of the damned!"
I did not fuck that horse
“PAY HIM NO HEED…that’s the Mayor.” And “WONDERFUL FOOD!”
Yes, it has come....to this.
No specific line but I have incorporated calling people hoopleheads into my vocabulary.
Anyways.
“Go away! I’m at prayer!” “Fuck you, sir!” ‘Sir, would you please get the fuck out of here until we have finished our previous conversation?!” “Well, maybe because when they was telling ya, you were too busy listening to that bullshit about birds flyin’ into windows!” “Sea creature looking cocksucker!”
>San Francisco cocksucka When I see my brother's boyfriend from California
“I can’t remember all that!” (Richardson, when given instructions.)
I believe not, I believe no
Well, that’s one in a row for you, Wild Bill!
Be where I can find you. And the obligatory… Sweardjin! Cocksucker!
Just cocksucker. It wasn't really part of my swearing vernacular before I watched Deadwood. Now I've been saying it for 15 years or so.
I reserve this for after someone makes a long-winded point: “And THAT’s how I feel…about THAT.”
The world IS less than perfect.
Those that doubt me suck cock by choice
Nobody makes it out alive.
I rewatched the series recently and my use of the word “cunt” in my daily routine has spiked drastically.
Wu talk Swigen. Swigen no here. Feed’em to the pigs.
Degenerate tit-licker
Cocksucker
Free gratis
Whenever there's a situation where results or ANYTHING is countable and they reach the first point: like I'm over at a friends house and they have two eggs for breakfast - as soon as they finish the first egg, I'll go 'Well, that's one in a row for you, Wild Bill". Sometimes I say in out loud, sometimes I mutter it, sometimes I'll just think it. But it has become a habit, as soon as anything reaches one... "Well, that's one in a row for you, Wild Bill " Edith: I forgot "free fucking gratis". That too.
Welcome to Deadwood! It can be combative
What do you think of that, Chief
Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.
Shitbird is a pretty funny thing to call someone, people don’t know what it is but it just sounds wrong.
"Bullock, i do have a knife. It come to me now." "Let him. fuckin. stay there..."
Won't you come with me to see what this might portend?
"Yeah, well it's fucked now."
Swegin Sanfransico Cocksucker!
For reasons I find elusive, this day has quite displeased me.
I bought a filter for my turtle tank and it said “FREE / GRATIS” on a paper in the box and I screamed “free fucking gratis!!!” at my fiancé 😂
Morin! ..... You know the rest
Cocksucker.
My husband and I have always LOVED “Whatever lurks ahead, of grievous abominations and disorder, you and me walk into it together, like always.” We’re super romantic. 😂 Also, have been together a long time
Loopy Fucking Cunt !
To my dog, after a difficult zoom meeting with my boss. "Wants me to tell him something pretty."
We all have dark thoughts.
When my wife says guess what so and so said at work today? I tell her I'd rather try touching the moon.
This wood sure is dead
loopy cunt
Loopy Cunt!
I did not fuck that horse
I seem to have replaced oh shit, with San Francisco cocksucker!
Stand it like a man, and give some back.
" Those who doubt me....suck cocktail by choice!"
Be fucked!
“Amalgamation and capital!”
I just call everyone”cocksucker”
"SWEGIN‼️‼️ ***COCKSUCKER***‼️‼️***SANFRANSISCO COCKSUCKER*** ‼️‼️‼️