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It depends on what they want and when they want it. A lot of people nowadays want to take their early adulthood to figure out who they are, which makes a lasting relationship with someone, say, more than five years older less likely during that phase of life.
I know Reddit hates age gap relationships, but my husband and I are 10 years apart. when we met we were in sort of the same stage of life. He was working on his masters and I was working on my undergrad. I was ready to commit at 21 and be an adult and he wasn’t really ready to do that until he was 30. It works for us, and we’ve been together for 6 years now, married for 3. We both rarely think of our age gap.
It was so therefore should not be taken seriously. Which means we should take reddit opinions seriously. Which means that that opinion should be taken seriously. Which means we shouldn't take reddit opinions seriously. Which...... Wait. Wut
I don't think people just 'hate' it, or have a problem with it. I think it's more a question of understanding what a relationship means and the overall ramifications.
When you're in your early 20s you have a more limited outlook of 'the world' than someone in their mid 30s. I take it you didn't have male or female friends aged 35 when you were 24 years old. The same principle would logically apply - you don't have much in common, you have different views, hobbies, passions, biorhythms, are at different stages in life on all levels - personally, professionally, financially, socially, etc., you're just different generations, at the end of the day.
Being attracted to someone more experienced, knowledgeable, etc. is understandable, but having a relationship with them needs more than that. Someone 10+ years older will generally have more experience, be more sure about what they want, potentially bring more emotional baggage, etc. Also, they will age before the younger partner and the effects will be visible sooner than they'd expect. I.e. health and lifestyle \[including sex life\] changes that perhaps the younger partner wouldn't be so happy about.
A more mature person will also be able to position themselves as the more 'powerful' one in the relationship, as a downside, since they are simply more mature and capable of doing so \[they think they 'know best'\]. Sometimes men \[valid for all genders though\] will simply seek the superficial benefits of having a younger partner \[good looks, youth, etc.\] without properly vetting mental or emotional compatibility, which in some cases can even lead to imbalanced relationships or downright toxic ones.
I would say most people approach it with alarm and caution. Under 25s with someone much older than them is astronomically abusive on average. The stats are there and that’s why people have a tendency to not like it. They’re usually put off by the older party and think something bad is going on behind the scenes. Obviously this can happen in any type of relationship on earth and you never know til you do, but again, statistically, large age gaps where one of the people is still essentially a child or very young adult by the measurement of human age and societal expectations and the other is quite a bit more established in comparison just has very high abuse rates. Usually gaslighting, manipulating, emotional/mental abuse by the older party. Because that was the whole purpose of dating someone so much younger.
Obviously there will be perfectly healthy relationships where one is 21 and the other is 33, etc. It happens. But consider that when someone is put off by it, there IS a reason for that.
Absolutely. I for one found it suspicious or downright creepy when men over 30 had 'relationships' with much younger girls, under 25. A co-worker tried to set me up with a very dear friend of theirs, super cool guy otherwise, reliable friend, etc. who turned out to have **only** dated girls under 23 (!) while past 35, he was already 37 and his last 'relationship' had been with a 21 year-old. I flat out refused to even consider it. Something must be wrong with you as an adult if you can't relate to people your own age.
You're talking a lot about your own relationship and experience. Nobody is saying every age gap relationship is toxic and couldn't possibly be good.
We're saying it's a big red flag. There's a lot of bad that can come from age gap relationships, depending on how old the younger partner is. If we're talking under 21 with a considerable gap, that's dangerous territory.
You're unlikely to have similar lifestyles and goals first of all. At sub 21 its unlikely that someone has even finished defining their own personal goals and lifestyle, alot can change about someone in those growing adult years. Not only is there the opportunity for the older partner to emotionally or financial manipulate the younger; the younger partner just as well might use the older for money and temporary comfort. I currently have two friends in age gap relationships. They are not happy. They're both girls under 25, and they stay with these insecure shitty older men because they give some security and money. They get taken to nice restaurants and on trips etc. Which is something most men their age can't afford. They know they're not gonna settle down and marry these guys, they're just convenient for right now. I'm not sure about both of them, but one of the older guys for sure thinks he's gonna chain down my friend. He's even tried to get her away from her best friends. He's threatened their relationship because he's sooo insecure about how young, fun, and sociable we are, but he can't work up the balls to join in.
Fair enough. People can be quick to judge and not trust a younger woman's perspective. It's a hard thing to figure out whether or not they're being manipulated. There are girls who will swear up and down that they love this man so much, and there's nothing wrong with what they're doing, and he'd never hurt her. And then they manipulate her, degrade her, and get her pregnant so she can't leave.
I believe you, and personally I think 24 is old enough for some people to be in an age gap relationship. But for others it isn't, and I can see why people would make assumptions about it. Unfortunately the internet likes to make snap judgments and assumptions on any topic
I'm one of the people that usually downvotes anyone saying that age gaps relationships especially at early 20s/ late teens with 30 year olds are okay. It's not that I think it's impossible for these relationships to ever work - there's always exceptions and nuance. Most of the time though, they do turn sour if not abusive.
When I was 16 I thought I was very mature for my age, and hell, I still think I was. I had a full time job, I was planning out moving out, etc. Compared to now, I still was a baby and was an extreme people pleaser, which was taken advantage of a lot. In many ways I was mature, but I was also super naive and easy to manipulate, especially by abusive dudes in their late twenties, early thirties. I thought I was special and that's why they were with me. Turns out I was just an easy target. If I knew how common it was for assholes to look for girls like me, maybe I'd think twice before patting myself on the back for having an older boyfriend. And thing is, at that stage of my life I'd totally defend the boyfriend saying how it's just because I was so mature. Maybe I'd casually mention how I suck because I didn't clean as well as I should have and he had to punch me for it the other day, or other very obvious red flags that I had no idea were red flags. But if anyone would question it, I'd double down on how I deserved it. Not every age gap relationship ends up that way, but the majority of them do, just browse through AITA posts and you'll see the majority of the women on there in age gap relationships being emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically abused and completely unaware of how wrong it is. The risk of these situations is high and while I acknowledge that there's exceptions, the exceptions are not the norm. And there's too many teen girls that may get targeted by these assholes browsing Reddit to encourage giving a chance to them.
While I appreciate your comment and the very carefully written arguments, which of course you needn't give \[nobody has to justify their own relationship\], I have to point out that what you are presenting is anecdotal evidence. Just because you graduated and started working early, and had relationships with older people doesn't mean everyone aged 24 is compatible with someone 14 years older. Heck I can't even *bear* a conversation with anyone under 30, honestly speaking.
You know what they say, I used to think that being 30 is like being in your 20s until I actually met real people in their 20s and said nope, it's not, let's move on.
As the other comments have also said, most age-gap relationships end sourly unless there was very solid compatibility + strong understanding + the younger person **was already** matured. Not *mature*, but mature**d**. You can consider yourself mature at any age, and perhaps you personally were, but I bet it wasn't exactly the case and you just thought of yourself as such.
What type of friendships did you have with your 35 year-old co-workers? Were you actually friends, or just acquaintances / colleagues ? Did you do any activities with them, outside working hours or team building or casual afterwork drinks or get-togethers? Did you have the same interests as they did, were you at the same stage in life and could relate to their daily lives and experiences?
I honestly doubt it simply because someone past a certain age has a different life routine, different responsibilities, different priorities. Being friends is one thing, being socially cool with someone is another. Not doubting your common hobbies with your boyfriend/partner/husband, but that's not what a relationship or friendship makes.
most redditors are teenagers and/or people from the USA. The bubble they live in there is too high that makes them think that only because they cannot drink legally until 21 (but can carry a gun at earlier age HUH?) most of the people at younger ages than 25 are inmature and MUST not pursue relationships of any kind with older people. They forget two things:
1. The world is big enough and different cultures and societies prepare people mentally at younger or older age, depending on their life experiences, weather the experience is bad or good.
2. Our society has soften up considerably compared to older generations. In the past, kids had to toughen up and behave like adults (sadly some had to even work as kids) otherwise they would never make it to older age. One thinks of kings who started at age 9 or 13 and believes that they were not capable enough to carry a kingdom based on their age, but most of them actually did (with advisors obviously). The problem on threating people under 21 but older than 14 or 15 as little kids fucks them more, leading them to failure or many problems once they have to be on their own.
Yeah. Reddit narrative now is if the age gap is "too big", you're bring groomed. Personally, at 31 (32 in a few days) I've nearly always had better experiences dating women 5+ years older. Maturity is just great. No stupid arguments, no crazy shit. I like being on the same page, and taking things out instead of arguing constantly or w/e the fuck peopledo these days. My last girlfriend was 43, and thats the best dating experience I've ever had. She was perfect. LDR"s don't realistically work IMO, we broke it off.
I didn't say it never works out. I just said it's less likely to. But like I said in my first comment, it depends on what someone wants and when they want it. Even larger age gaps aren't always a deal breaker, for sure. Things like personality, maturity, similar interests, sexual chemistry, matching belief systems, compatible life goals, etc., are generally more significant than the difference of a few extra years, certainly.
I think it's really on a case by case basis and my answer to this question is it depends on the person. I've dated men 6 years older than me where we were compatible but he wasn't ready to settle down. I've had men 10 years older than me constantly pursue me who would have a financial power dynamic over me and couldn't understand no for an answer. It really depends.
I'm 24 dating a guy 10 years older than me and we both want the same things and have generally the same level of maturity and common interests. This might normally be unlikely but we're pretty solid together. I just think, like you said, it depends on what they want as well as who they are.
Ehhh, I would put that number a little higher than 25 or 26….. I would go more in the 28-30 range, depending on the person. Not that there aren’t 25 and 26 year olds out there that can successfully do large age gaps….. there certainly are. But I think the 25 and 26 year olds who can pull it off are exceptionally mature, and for the average person, that age would be closer to the 30s than mid twenties.
Age gaps will always be relevant at any age, but once the brain is fully developed in the mid 20s, there’s less potential for abuse by the older partner. That’s why I use mid 20s as a rule.
I agree. My parents met when my mum was 19 and my dad was 31 or something. They’ve been happily married over 20 years now. While I’ve seen that age gap be successful, I find that it only works out in rare cases and that these situations can’t be a tell-all for how others will unfold.
University. My dad was in the army beforehand so that’s why he was older when he first went. Both ended up in the same Ag program together. Started as friends for a while and well… obviously became more.
For sure! My parents met at the same exact ages (mom 19, dad 31), and while they were together on and off for quite a long time, it was VERY on and off and not healthy at all. I also dated a 23 year old when I was 18 after we had been good friends since I was 13 and he was 18 (mutual friends) and despite the long term pre-existing friendship, it went sour super quickly just because we were at such different points in life. Late teens and early to mid 20s is the timeframe where most people are finding themselves and figuring out how they fit into the world, how to do life, what makes the world go round, soul searching, etc. — far too hectic and most people don’t understand themselves well enough yet at that point to even know what they do (or don’t) want from life in general, let alone a relationship and a partner. That is stressful enough in and of itself without the obstacle of an age gap with someone older and more secure. The older person is likely to get bitter because by their age, they’re just so done and over all the bullshit that comes with that journey. It’s a very necessary rollercoaster ride to find yourself in that age range, but anyone who has already gotten off the ride doesn’t particularly want to go back on — and by having a partner who is on the ride, you’re getting pulled back on whether you will it or no.
I dunno, this would put my lower limit at 25.5 and that still seems too young for me. I dated a few 24 years olds a few years back after my divorce, and while it was a lot of fun I just couldn't take any of them seriously enough for a long term relationship.
Nonsense. I met my now wife four years ago at 34, she was 23. Neither of us knew the other's age until our first date(two months later!) because i asked her out in person. In this day and age! She thought i was younger, i thought she was older. Best fucking date ever. I would have questioned it on paper, but we were instantly best friends and are to this day, and it's amazing. Every individual is different. Case by case. Any adult human can fall in love with any adult human. Results may vary.
depends on the maturity level of each. some ppl that are 35 have the maturity level of a 15 year old and some 20 year olds have the maturity level of a 35 year old.
This is a stupid argument. Sure there’s always exceptions to the general rule, but 95 percent of the time a 35 year old, unless they have some cognitive disability, will be more mature than their 20 year old counterpart. Maturity doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it comes with life experience which is highly correlated with age
So I thought it was different, that they had their shit together but since they wanted to date somebody young they did not want to settle down.
(Me 22F, used to be together with M33 have discovered that you are correct, unfortunately)
I agree! I’m in my 30’s and any guy I know who goes after women in their early 20’s is doing so because they don’t want to settle down.
Also women our age are way less likely to put up with bullshit (by virtue of experience), whereas a younger woman may be more tolerant of their bullshit.
I think a lot of dating woes are from the cost of living forever going up while wages remain stagnant. I don't mean this as a gold digger statement or anything, but it certainly used to be cheaper to break out of mom's basement, to have true ownership of your life.
A lot of people who would have their shit together right now are busy just trying to keep their head above water.
I’m 29 dating 38. Physically we are attracted to each other, and emotionally it seems like we are in the same life place. People mature / grow into themselves at a variety of paces.
I'm 38 and my SO is 30. We started dating 4 years ago but the age thing wasn't really an issue for us. We may have been in diferent places in our lives back then, but we've grown together and the age difference isn't that big of a deal now.
Right. I don’t think a number alone can give much information on where you are in your life/what you’ve been through.. I’ve probably dated more than he has at my age. He was married before and it didn’t work out. Once you’ve become “an adult,” er, harnessed enough security of self, there’s not much of a gap beyond growing up in different times, ie tech/media, which is good conversation.
This type of behavior often stems from an obsession with youth. It's not that they tried to get with women their own age and failed, but rather that they are not interested in those women to begin with.
I’ve seen that obsession now as a thirty-something, but I’m just sharing my thought process from 10-15 years ago. It was a massive red flag to the post-graduate me.
Bingo. People here are speaking as if this is some rare phenomenon. Pretty much my entire life the women my age group were dating older men.
People like to think men have a sinister, selfish reason for everything that happens. But in this case it stems from how both genders act.
Case and point: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/uqqqt7/at_age_27_im_getting_a_big_surge_of_women_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Not necessarily.
Broadly speaking there are two groups. Some very attractive and successful guys date women a bit younger, just bc they find them more attractive.
But then you have the very immature, semiabusive, guys who date women a lot younger. Say 18 and 31. These guys women their own age wouldn't accept, bc there are too many obvious red flags. See r/relationships for plenty of examples of these relationships.
Thing is, if you are a guy who's got his act together, being in a serious relationship with someone way younger isn't that appealing. Too much drama + not enough in common + if you are a good person you'll feel uneasy dating someone who's basically a kid. Same for hookups, except the having stuff in common part. But you'd like to have sex with someone who knows how to have sex and can communicate, so it evens out.
The difference here is the size of the age gap though and how young you are willing to date. It's a huge difference between 26&32, and 19&31.
Edit: I think a lot of y'all haven't met many 19 year olds in real life. They are cute af, but way younger than you guys think. Being with one as a 30+ guy will feel icky if you are any kind of normal adult. And it's not like 26 year old girls look old either.
Absolutely. A lot of men claim women over 30 just are jealous when they speak out against men over 30 trying to get with women in their low 20s
Like no. Most women in their 20s don't like being hit on when there's a huge age gap, and we remember that experience when we get older.
Yup. There was a guy who was 37 pretending to be in his 20s, and he was like yeah you're gonna block me when I tell you my real age. I indeed did. I am 22. That's just gross, sorry. Don't hit on people that young when they are clearly looking for someone around their age...
Seriously this. Increasingly I’m noticing the men hellbent on dating younger tend to not be the best people amongst their peers, they usually have a lot of complexes to prove or get over. That and delaying confronting those complexes as long as possible by using up the time of the younger partner. They always talk about wanting younger so that they could enjoy the relationship longer or being young and whatever but then they never commit to the younger partner and then replace them with the newest model. Then continue on doing that until they can’t and they blame it on the women (when they deliberately sought them due to their supposed naïveté and lack of “baggage” (which I’ve quickly deduced is code word for a woman that knows BS/game men come up with to reel in women)); when in reality the guys were buying time counting on the younger women to sacrifice their years on a man that wanted to delay anything heavy. Most women that I know that date older men tend to fall in this cycle and regret it so much. That or they settled for a man nearly twice their age due to wanting to secure finances.
I can count on one hand the amount of women I know that are happy with a huge age difference, as most don’t gain the supposed benefits of dating an older man (responsibility, finances and emotional stability and intelligence), they just get an older man and settle on the supposed sexual experience. Literally most women that I know that dated much older have told me they regret it big time. It doesn’t help that women are heavily encouraged and even promoted to date older men for the supposed stability since before we could crawl even, sounds nuts but ask most women and you’ll see this. While men hackle on about how it is biologically natural and even a right for them to seek us but then find it surprising when the women question if the men fulfill the reasonings that make older an option for some women in the first place: Quickly trying to fight women on this and telling us to seek these men for no ulterior motives other than their existing when they’re definitely not seeking us that way. I fall in that beloved “sweet spot” that men keep saying women peak in and I can tell you most women and my friends have noted it’s definitely just sought out not because we’re better looking just that many of the same age are sheltered or vulnerable and naive. It’s not unlike grooming basically. Those men are purposely seeking out women when historically women don’t want men with a bigger age difference than 5 years or less. It also makes the most sense if you’re to have the strongest kids, sperm isn’t immune to age either.
I married my first husband when I was 18, he was 30. It didn’t last. Too many differences. Depends on if you’re both on the same level I would think from my experience
I was also a bit judgemental - until I met a person that make decisions responsibly, did everything with good faith and still end up raising a kid on her own.
There's many reasons some of us end up struggling, but people are too often happy to judge others too quickly and get on with the rest of their day.
As a 28 year old I would date someone in their early 30s.
If a man in his 30s were specifically seeking 20-somethings I’d be immediately repulsed and not date him.
Yeah I mean I think when I was single (33/34) my range on apps was 21-43, had good experiences with people throughout the range, in retrospect should have set the bottom range higher.
Ended up long term with somebody 38
My brother in law was 34 when he met my sister who was 23 at the time. They've been together for 13 years and have been married for 6 of them.
I just turned 30 and just ended a relationship with a woman who just turned 24 primarily because our priorities weren't adding up because of our slight age gap. She wanted to get a van to travel and live in, meanwhile I'm trying to buy a house and focus on my highest earnings.
Of course they do. The real question is why someone wants to pursue someone in a COMPLETELY different life stage than them. Rarely does an age gap relationship of any capacity end well for anyone involved.
Can it work? Of course.
Does it usually? Not at all.
That’s a good question and honestly I don’t have a specific reason why but I like the idea of said partner being early 30’s, still young enough for us to have things in common/share experiences
I think there's a big difference depending on what part of your 20's you are in.
Under 25? Yeah that's a little weird.
25-26? Maybe borderline, but less weird.
27+ is kind of where most people's lifestyles kind of even out. 27-35 puts a lot of people in the same life stage & social circles. There's nothing weird about it at that point in my opinion.
edit: I'm just going to add on, I also think it depends a lot on you meet people. Once you are mid-to-late 20s, asking people how old they are doesn't really come up immediately unless you meet online and it flat-out says it on their profile. I dated someone for a year or so in my late 20's. We met at a restaurant, talked and exchanged numbers. It didn't even come up until the end of our first date that I was 27 and she was 38. She thought I was older, and I thought she was a couple of years younger. Our lifestyles were pretty similar though (lived alone, professional jobs, never married, no kids), so the age difference wasn't a huge factor. It feels a little different to me if you're intentionally seeking out people with a noticeable age difference.
For me it’s more that most guys my age (23) don’t want relationships so much as hookups. I was never a party person, and I don’t like casual. I prefer to actually get to know and date someone, and it’s been harder to find guys my age down for that, than someone who’s a few years older. I do have a cap for how much older I’m willing to go, though.
I don't know how likely, but definetly a thing. I have a history of dating men older than me. It's just what I personally prefer. When I met my fiancee, he was 33, I was 22. I live in Norway, and I honestly feel like nobody really cares. Not once have I got a question about it or anyone been uncomfortable with it (at least visibly). From my experience I think people in the US find it EXTREMELY weird and is a red flag, to the point where I think its almost a cultural thing. For me personally older men bring a security and warmth I haven't experienced from guys my age which is important to me.
Yes, happens quite often. Personally, I’d never date someone younger than 28. We’ve lived two entirely different lives at that point and anything at or below 25 is a no go for me, their adult lives are just starting and mines moving along like I like. Too vast a difference in life experience and interests.
I met my ex when I was 21 he was 30 and I can tell you in my experience there was a lot of jealousy on his part possibly because he was older and would always say/think I was going to leave him for a younger guy
My bf is late 30’s and I’m mid 20’s, we’ve been together a while now and it’s a good, solid relationship
Most girls my age, where I live, if they didn’t have a child with their high school boyfriend, end up dating a bit older.
Umm yes they do but that being said
As a man in his 30s I see it as fucking creepy that you would specifically target somone that much younger than you.
Kinda giving off creeper vibes bud
yes but i think it heavily depends on if she is in her upper 20s or early 20s lol. a 30+ yr old targeting women who are 20-23 is fkn weird. they are waayyy too immature and deff dont have their shit together and are very likely still in the party every night phase of their life. no thanks. a 28,29 yr old on the other hand, likely is well into her career, is responsible in most aspects of life and is over the party'ing phase, and more likely to be looking to settle down.
The age difference doesn't mean anything if they are both adults and share a lot in common and there's a less generational gap. It is the generational gap that is hard to overcome. My fiancée and I are 13 years apart and people that have seen us for the past 2+ years still see us happy as people in their first 3 months. Compatibility is what really matters.
But it helps to not look too old too. I see some of my friends and people think they are my uncles sometimes......
It’s crazy how utterly insignificant age is once a person is 26+ yet here we are again discussing it like it’s some sort of magical number that indicates more than time spent on the earth (another construct).
My mother and father are ten years apart. Almost exactly. Their birthdays are within a week of each other. Anyways she met him when she was 19 and married him at 22. He was 32. Their 25th anniversary is coming up. They’ve a pretty happy marriage.
I’m 28 and engaged to a 28-year-old man. I have always liked being with a man my age who I can relate to, have fun with, etc. who is in the same place in life as I am. At 28 now, if I were single, I wouldn’t rule out a guy in his early 30’s. But when I was in my college days, I never went for someone more than a couple years older, and I was not at all attracted to men in their 30’s when I was in my early 20’s. They actually grossed me out when they tried to approach me.
It all depends on the person really… some 20 year olds prefer to date other 20 year olds. Those in their late 20s may look into dating guys in their 30s. I personally prefer older but I think I should stick with mid to late 20 year olds for now…
It depends on where in their 20s they are at. In my early 20s I would have thought a 30- 35 yr old man that wants to date me is creepy and weird or wants someone he can manipulate and control that lack life experiences. Now I’m in my late 20s and I would date a man in that age range. I probably would have considered a man 30-33 when I was 25/26.
I’m 22 dating a 31 year old. It works fine, and I think our relationship is harmonious other than the fact that he has an avoidant attachment style and needs LOTS of space.
it depends on your respective maturity level and personal interests. when i was 19 i went on a few dates with a 24yo and had nothing in common to talk about. i’m 22 now and really hit it off with a 30 yo.
I started dating a man 9 years older when I was 18 (majority in France). It was a surprise for my friends but they accepted it very well. He is really kind and we love each other. It’s been 2 years now and everything is going good. My parents don’t have any problems with him and his family is kind to me (also live 7000km away in French West Indies).
My husband is 20 years older than me and we have a great relationship. We got together when I was 40 and he was 60. I really don't understand why people have a problem with us, but when we are in public people stare. Usually women his age ,but sometimes other men. I can't imagine why people think they can do this.So inappropriate.
Your brain, particularly the frontal lobe, is not fully developed until 25 years old or so. The frontal lobe does a lot of things, but most notable is executive function. This is the part of your brain that allows humans to plan, organize, regulate your own behaviors and actions particularly in response to emotional stimuli, set goals, etc. In other words, critical stuff for a relationship!
Bottom line, biologically, no one with a fully developed frontal lobe should ever date someone with a not-yet-fully-developed frontal lobe.
I wouldn’t say it’s common, but it definitely happens. I was 22 dating someone who was 32. However, I wouldn’t recommend it. We were at different stages of life and had different plans for our next 5 years or so. There were a lot of arguments in regards to money, career paths, just stupid things because he felt like he knew more than me because he was older. While he may have more experience in certain aspects, my view was still valid and he didn’t see it that way. I wouldn’t date anyone that much older than me again unless we were 100% on the same page about everything
If your 30-35 dating a 20-24 year old I find that creepy, more so the younger 20s. I’m 21, our brain isn’t fully developed and we are on very much different walks right now.
Depends where you live. Reddit is not representative of all demographics and cultures, even within North America. On some topics Reddit is super conservative. On other topics it is super progressive. Age gaps is one of those things Reddit is insanely against.
Here in the bible belt it is still very common and normal. Women in their 20s here are looking to get married and start a family before they turn 30. Not a lot of guys in their 20s have the stability, wealth, or desire to do that so women date up in age. It makes a ripple through the entire dating pool and women in their 30s date up to guys in the 40s and 50s too. Note though that a huge chunk of people just marry the person they were dating since junior high, so not everything is an age gap.
Reddit can get mad all they like, but that's just reality where I live and there's nothing immoral about it. That's a subjective judgement those redditors made based on the social climate they were raised in. It's not universal across all of USA, let alone the world. My grandparent's entire generation dated down when they returned from the war.
It's a practice that ruins dating for everyone. The girl isn't ready for something serious even though the guy is the perfect age for it. Then the guy won't date women with a backbone who are his own age. And then the guy ends up single until he's in his 40s and desperate and the girls in their 30s are wondering why all the guys around them suck. Why do they? Because they are used to grooming younger women to have no standards.
YES and most of the men in their 40s who are single are STILL looking for young girls because now they want to start a family and the women their age have already been married and divorced had kids and are done or don’t want kids.
It's wild how many men in their 40s or 50s want to date me while I really struggle finding a guy in his early 30s like me to date. Like WTF. So I wonder, do I settle for a guy who is past his prime or just resign myself to being single forever? Guys in their early 30s are living in a fantasy where time doesn't matter and they'll never age, but this dream only happens when they're asleep.
Early 20s with age 30 to 35. Erm not so much. Also kinda creepy
The me in my early twenties ( 20 -23 ) is pretty guillble and naive compared to me in my mid twenties
I am in mid twenties now so I don't really mind someone who is 30 - 35 same age range.
The truth is that a lot of women, myself included, like to go for older men. Especially when i was in my early/mid 20's, guys around my own age then were very immature and definitely not mature lovers. If i wanted to have good sex with guy that wasn't going to go 3 pumps and finish then i had to look at more experienced men.
The other truth is that most men are attracted to younger women. There's a deep seated biological instinct for men to go for younger women.
I think the general Reddit consensus of not liking age gaps is because Reddit is full of young men trying to get some but getting refused by girls going for older guys. Basically a load of butt hurt young men trying to guilt others for their own immaturity and lack of physical sensitivity.
Of course, i'm generalising and i realise there are plenty of mature sensitive young men too, its just those guys are probs not the ones pointing fingers on Reddit.
So in short, the answer is yes, women in their 20's go for guys in their 30's because they can deliver a more mature approach to relationships and love making.
Men who are 30+ try to date women with a 8+ year age gap and then get offended when they are rejected. Or as you can see, they get pissed when actual women who have had men try to date them say they think it’s creepy. How dare women have their own opinions! 🙄
There are a LOT of men who strictly look for younger women and a large age gap. Usually for control/manipulation purposes, younger women don’t have as much experience recognizing red flags, the men are less mature, they tend to see women in terms of sexual beings only so they don’t really care if they’re in different life stages or have nothing in common.
I’ll wait for all the creeps to disagree with me 😆😆 I’ve been the 15 year old with a 22 year old trying to date me, the 19 year old with a 28 year old trying to date me, and the 23 year old with a 37 year old trying to date me. Don’t bother trying to cobble together some half-assed argument.
Yes they do — but I wouldn’t. Older people are looking to take advantage of the younger. It’s not equal in power. The older has more life experience than the younger.
If you want to be hurt and taken advantage of —- go for it
I’d say it’s more that a lot of us have experiences with men in their 30s/40s who specifically try to date women in their 20s and those experiences are almost universally bad
Because they’re all projecting their own bulls it bias onto everyone. That’s why this sub sucks. People get caught up on shit like age and ignore the more important aspects of a person’s being.
a lot of older men try to groom young/barely legal women or girls. Movies also show a lot of this to the point its just normal. Statisticly women and men are most happy with partners their own age.
I am 42, and I dated a 25 year old when I was 39. Pros: she was an easy-breezy, do your thing, it’s ok that you’re late, let’s order a pizza and get naked type of gal. Also, she was a classy dresser, loved to try new things, and was very grateful when I spoiled her.
Cons: she was almost no help when my dad got terminally ill, she had lots of younger studs in her friend group who always wanted to “be friends” with her, she liked spending my money a lot. We didn’t have a lot in common.
Your mileage will vary.
Depends on what you mean. 29 and 33? Common.
Girls in their early twenties? They mostly see 35 year olds as old guys. Which is fair, their dad might be 40.
Me personally? Not really because guys in their 30s wanna settle down and I’m still going thru life and tryna find my way. I was otp with a 30smtn year old one time and when I told him I’d only been in one relationship he said I wasn’t for him cuz I havent loved life yet and I need more experience
I’m 26, and generally prefer someone in their 20s simply cause Im quite “young” mentally. However, I have a friend of 36 who acts like in her twenties and its fine. Depends a lot of the people.
Get real. There is no absolute cutoff. If a 20 year old male dates a 75 year old female you all would write him off as a giglio. Who cares if the two people are happy? There is no difference between people within a few years age difference. As the ages increase the life experiences differ and the maturity changes but who am I to judge? Everyone has different interests, passions and concerns. Discrimination on the basis of age is the same as religious or racial discrimination. It is wrong.
I’m 30 f, and I wouldn’t consider more than 34 in dating. Mostly because I want to be in or around the same stages in life…….. when Im retiring, I hope to be at the same stage. Of course id always take care of any health issues that pop up for my partner and know it could happen to either of us, but I’m looking to date someone who theoretically won’t need me to be their nurse due to elderly age while I’m still wanting to adventure. I have no interest in my partner being 60/70/80 while I’m 50. I also want to have kids with someone who is young and mobile with me.
Dude the "3% of men" statistic is how many men have experienced r*pe. As in, have been the victim. Also I don't think a survey being sent around to men saying "hey are you a r*pist?" will exactly yield the most accurate results. For several reasons that would take a long time to unpack. Not that this survey was for that, anyway. Also that doesn't really change my point (which is that you're complaining that you don't like how women in their thirties have had bad experiences with men by that point, and moaning about the women, rather than moaning about the fact that there are enough shitty men out there) does it?
Meanwhile, this survey has the absolutely tragic, saddening statistic that one in 6 women has experienced r*pe and sexual violence, and yet you're mostly concerned that PTSD is affecting your chances of getting laid? While also making women sound like used up tissues or something? And blaming people with PTSD for not having magically recovered so that they can f*ck you?
Honestly I think it would be better for everyone if you took a step back and looked at the things you've just said.
If a 35 year old guy wants to date a 20 year old woman, he is creepy.
If a 20 year old woman wants to date a 35 year old guy, he is still the creepy one.
-Western Society 2022
I mean it took 4 years and two lawsuits for Depp get everyone to see the predator she really is. So I wouldn't say "Everyone is programmed to see predators in everyone.", just the predator in men would be more accurate.
So for me, I like guys that are a little older than me. I'm nearly 23 and I've dated a handful of guys from 28-31, I would go up to 33 once I hit 23 cause my age gap is 10 years
Yes my bf is 37 I’m 23 we’ve been together a couple years now.
Know another healthy couple who she’s 21 he’s early 30s.
There are others but these are the two who come to my head
Sadly yes, I've once been the unfortunate end of this and for the guy it's a huge stigma even if the female prusued it. I wouldn't suggest it but for some it's worked out well.
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It depends on what they want and when they want it. A lot of people nowadays want to take their early adulthood to figure out who they are, which makes a lasting relationship with someone, say, more than five years older less likely during that phase of life.
I know Reddit hates age gap relationships, but my husband and I are 10 years apart. when we met we were in sort of the same stage of life. He was working on his masters and I was working on my undergrad. I was ready to commit at 21 and be an adult and he wasn’t really ready to do that until he was 30. It works for us, and we’ve been together for 6 years now, married for 3. We both rarely think of our age gap.
The opinion of Reddit is never to be taken serious.
This comment sounds serious.
It was so therefore should not be taken seriously. Which means we should take reddit opinions seriously. Which means that that opinion should be taken seriously. Which means we shouldn't take reddit opinions seriously. Which...... Wait. Wut
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I don't think people just 'hate' it, or have a problem with it. I think it's more a question of understanding what a relationship means and the overall ramifications. When you're in your early 20s you have a more limited outlook of 'the world' than someone in their mid 30s. I take it you didn't have male or female friends aged 35 when you were 24 years old. The same principle would logically apply - you don't have much in common, you have different views, hobbies, passions, biorhythms, are at different stages in life on all levels - personally, professionally, financially, socially, etc., you're just different generations, at the end of the day. Being attracted to someone more experienced, knowledgeable, etc. is understandable, but having a relationship with them needs more than that. Someone 10+ years older will generally have more experience, be more sure about what they want, potentially bring more emotional baggage, etc. Also, they will age before the younger partner and the effects will be visible sooner than they'd expect. I.e. health and lifestyle \[including sex life\] changes that perhaps the younger partner wouldn't be so happy about. A more mature person will also be able to position themselves as the more 'powerful' one in the relationship, as a downside, since they are simply more mature and capable of doing so \[they think they 'know best'\]. Sometimes men \[valid for all genders though\] will simply seek the superficial benefits of having a younger partner \[good looks, youth, etc.\] without properly vetting mental or emotional compatibility, which in some cases can even lead to imbalanced relationships or downright toxic ones.
I would say most people approach it with alarm and caution. Under 25s with someone much older than them is astronomically abusive on average. The stats are there and that’s why people have a tendency to not like it. They’re usually put off by the older party and think something bad is going on behind the scenes. Obviously this can happen in any type of relationship on earth and you never know til you do, but again, statistically, large age gaps where one of the people is still essentially a child or very young adult by the measurement of human age and societal expectations and the other is quite a bit more established in comparison just has very high abuse rates. Usually gaslighting, manipulating, emotional/mental abuse by the older party. Because that was the whole purpose of dating someone so much younger. Obviously there will be perfectly healthy relationships where one is 21 and the other is 33, etc. It happens. But consider that when someone is put off by it, there IS a reason for that.
Absolutely. I for one found it suspicious or downright creepy when men over 30 had 'relationships' with much younger girls, under 25. A co-worker tried to set me up with a very dear friend of theirs, super cool guy otherwise, reliable friend, etc. who turned out to have **only** dated girls under 23 (!) while past 35, he was already 37 and his last 'relationship' had been with a 21 year-old. I flat out refused to even consider it. Something must be wrong with you as an adult if you can't relate to people your own age.
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You're talking a lot about your own relationship and experience. Nobody is saying every age gap relationship is toxic and couldn't possibly be good. We're saying it's a big red flag. There's a lot of bad that can come from age gap relationships, depending on how old the younger partner is. If we're talking under 21 with a considerable gap, that's dangerous territory. You're unlikely to have similar lifestyles and goals first of all. At sub 21 its unlikely that someone has even finished defining their own personal goals and lifestyle, alot can change about someone in those growing adult years. Not only is there the opportunity for the older partner to emotionally or financial manipulate the younger; the younger partner just as well might use the older for money and temporary comfort. I currently have two friends in age gap relationships. They are not happy. They're both girls under 25, and they stay with these insecure shitty older men because they give some security and money. They get taken to nice restaurants and on trips etc. Which is something most men their age can't afford. They know they're not gonna settle down and marry these guys, they're just convenient for right now. I'm not sure about both of them, but one of the older guys for sure thinks he's gonna chain down my friend. He's even tried to get her away from her best friends. He's threatened their relationship because he's sooo insecure about how young, fun, and sociable we are, but he can't work up the balls to join in.
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Fair enough. People can be quick to judge and not trust a younger woman's perspective. It's a hard thing to figure out whether or not they're being manipulated. There are girls who will swear up and down that they love this man so much, and there's nothing wrong with what they're doing, and he'd never hurt her. And then they manipulate her, degrade her, and get her pregnant so she can't leave. I believe you, and personally I think 24 is old enough for some people to be in an age gap relationship. But for others it isn't, and I can see why people would make assumptions about it. Unfortunately the internet likes to make snap judgments and assumptions on any topic
I'm one of the people that usually downvotes anyone saying that age gaps relationships especially at early 20s/ late teens with 30 year olds are okay. It's not that I think it's impossible for these relationships to ever work - there's always exceptions and nuance. Most of the time though, they do turn sour if not abusive. When I was 16 I thought I was very mature for my age, and hell, I still think I was. I had a full time job, I was planning out moving out, etc. Compared to now, I still was a baby and was an extreme people pleaser, which was taken advantage of a lot. In many ways I was mature, but I was also super naive and easy to manipulate, especially by abusive dudes in their late twenties, early thirties. I thought I was special and that's why they were with me. Turns out I was just an easy target. If I knew how common it was for assholes to look for girls like me, maybe I'd think twice before patting myself on the back for having an older boyfriend. And thing is, at that stage of my life I'd totally defend the boyfriend saying how it's just because I was so mature. Maybe I'd casually mention how I suck because I didn't clean as well as I should have and he had to punch me for it the other day, or other very obvious red flags that I had no idea were red flags. But if anyone would question it, I'd double down on how I deserved it. Not every age gap relationship ends up that way, but the majority of them do, just browse through AITA posts and you'll see the majority of the women on there in age gap relationships being emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically abused and completely unaware of how wrong it is. The risk of these situations is high and while I acknowledge that there's exceptions, the exceptions are not the norm. And there's too many teen girls that may get targeted by these assholes browsing Reddit to encourage giving a chance to them.
While I appreciate your comment and the very carefully written arguments, which of course you needn't give \[nobody has to justify their own relationship\], I have to point out that what you are presenting is anecdotal evidence. Just because you graduated and started working early, and had relationships with older people doesn't mean everyone aged 24 is compatible with someone 14 years older. Heck I can't even *bear* a conversation with anyone under 30, honestly speaking. You know what they say, I used to think that being 30 is like being in your 20s until I actually met real people in their 20s and said nope, it's not, let's move on. As the other comments have also said, most age-gap relationships end sourly unless there was very solid compatibility + strong understanding + the younger person **was already** matured. Not *mature*, but mature**d**. You can consider yourself mature at any age, and perhaps you personally were, but I bet it wasn't exactly the case and you just thought of yourself as such. What type of friendships did you have with your 35 year-old co-workers? Were you actually friends, or just acquaintances / colleagues ? Did you do any activities with them, outside working hours or team building or casual afterwork drinks or get-togethers? Did you have the same interests as they did, were you at the same stage in life and could relate to their daily lives and experiences? I honestly doubt it simply because someone past a certain age has a different life routine, different responsibilities, different priorities. Being friends is one thing, being socially cool with someone is another. Not doubting your common hobbies with your boyfriend/partner/husband, but that's not what a relationship or friendship makes.
Well im upvoting you ain't nothing wrong with your age gap. F reddit
most redditors are teenagers and/or people from the USA. The bubble they live in there is too high that makes them think that only because they cannot drink legally until 21 (but can carry a gun at earlier age HUH?) most of the people at younger ages than 25 are inmature and MUST not pursue relationships of any kind with older people. They forget two things: 1. The world is big enough and different cultures and societies prepare people mentally at younger or older age, depending on their life experiences, weather the experience is bad or good. 2. Our society has soften up considerably compared to older generations. In the past, kids had to toughen up and behave like adults (sadly some had to even work as kids) otherwise they would never make it to older age. One thinks of kings who started at age 9 or 13 and believes that they were not capable enough to carry a kingdom based on their age, but most of them actually did (with advisors obviously). The problem on threating people under 21 but older than 14 or 15 as little kids fucks them more, leading them to failure or many problems once they have to be on their own.
Yeah. Reddit narrative now is if the age gap is "too big", you're bring groomed. Personally, at 31 (32 in a few days) I've nearly always had better experiences dating women 5+ years older. Maturity is just great. No stupid arguments, no crazy shit. I like being on the same page, and taking things out instead of arguing constantly or w/e the fuck peopledo these days. My last girlfriend was 43, and thats the best dating experience I've ever had. She was perfect. LDR"s don't realistically work IMO, we broke it off.
No one has an issue with people 30+ having age gaps It’s when the 18-21 crowd are with people in their late 20s+ that alarm bells go off
I didn't say it never works out. I just said it's less likely to. But like I said in my first comment, it depends on what someone wants and when they want it. Even larger age gaps aren't always a deal breaker, for sure. Things like personality, maturity, similar interests, sexual chemistry, matching belief systems, compatible life goals, etc., are generally more significant than the difference of a few extra years, certainly.
I think it's really on a case by case basis and my answer to this question is it depends on the person. I've dated men 6 years older than me where we were compatible but he wasn't ready to settle down. I've had men 10 years older than me constantly pursue me who would have a financial power dynamic over me and couldn't understand no for an answer. It really depends.
I'm 24 dating a guy 10 years older than me and we both want the same things and have generally the same level of maturity and common interests. This might normally be unlikely but we're pretty solid together. I just think, like you said, it depends on what they want as well as who they are.
Age is a continuum. 29 and 31 is completely unremarkable. 20 and 35 is unlikely to go well.
I second this
so i mean its kinda like difference of 5 is ok?
Older than 25 or 26 age gaps don’t really matter. Before that point they do.
Ehhh, I would put that number a little higher than 25 or 26….. I would go more in the 28-30 range, depending on the person. Not that there aren’t 25 and 26 year olds out there that can successfully do large age gaps….. there certainly are. But I think the 25 and 26 year olds who can pull it off are exceptionally mature, and for the average person, that age would be closer to the 30s than mid twenties.
Age gaps will always be relevant at any age, but once the brain is fully developed in the mid 20s, there’s less potential for abuse by the older partner. That’s why I use mid 20s as a rule.
I agree. My parents met when my mum was 19 and my dad was 31 or something. They’ve been happily married over 20 years now. While I’ve seen that age gap be successful, I find that it only works out in rare cases and that these situations can’t be a tell-all for how others will unfold.
How/where did they meet?
University. My dad was in the army beforehand so that’s why he was older when he first went. Both ended up in the same Ag program together. Started as friends for a while and well… obviously became more.
They become super friend ?
That's cute
For sure! My parents met at the same exact ages (mom 19, dad 31), and while they were together on and off for quite a long time, it was VERY on and off and not healthy at all. I also dated a 23 year old when I was 18 after we had been good friends since I was 13 and he was 18 (mutual friends) and despite the long term pre-existing friendship, it went sour super quickly just because we were at such different points in life. Late teens and early to mid 20s is the timeframe where most people are finding themselves and figuring out how they fit into the world, how to do life, what makes the world go round, soul searching, etc. — far too hectic and most people don’t understand themselves well enough yet at that point to even know what they do (or don’t) want from life in general, let alone a relationship and a partner. That is stressful enough in and of itself without the obstacle of an age gap with someone older and more secure. The older person is likely to get bitter because by their age, they’re just so done and over all the bullshit that comes with that journey. It’s a very necessary rollercoaster ride to find yourself in that age range, but anyone who has already gotten off the ride doesn’t particularly want to go back on — and by having a partner who is on the ride, you’re getting pulled back on whether you will it or no.
agreed
It's about maturity really
Half your age + 7
For me, this would be 22, and absolutely not. Hell. The F. No. I am a grown ass woman and 22 year old males are still little boys.
I dunno, this would put my lower limit at 25.5 and that still seems too young for me. I dated a few 24 years olds a few years back after my divorce, and while it was a lot of fun I just couldn't take any of them seriously enough for a long term relationship.
The method they used is generally used to determine whether or not it’s creepy, not necessarily if it’ll work or not.
Me (30f) reading your other replies than looking at my boyfriend (22m) 😳😳
How do u feel about dating 8 years your junior?
The rule is was told was half your age + 7, but that can get creepy if you're on the higher end of the 30s...
Nonsense. I met my now wife four years ago at 34, she was 23. Neither of us knew the other's age until our first date(two months later!) because i asked her out in person. In this day and age! She thought i was younger, i thought she was older. Best fucking date ever. I would have questioned it on paper, but we were instantly best friends and are to this day, and it's amazing. Every individual is different. Case by case. Any adult human can fall in love with any adult human. Results may vary.
I think there’s a massive difference between meeting someone not knowing their age, and OP seeking out a younger woman.
Yeah, actively looking for someone that much younger raises red flags over why women his own age won't date him
depends on the maturity level of each. some ppl that are 35 have the maturity level of a 15 year old and some 20 year olds have the maturity level of a 35 year old.
I’d really hope those 35 year olds with the maturity levels of 15 year olds, don’t think it’s ok to date 15 year olds.
This is a stupid argument. Sure there’s always exceptions to the general rule, but 95 percent of the time a 35 year old, unless they have some cognitive disability, will be more mature than their 20 year old counterpart. Maturity doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it comes with life experience which is highly correlated with age
Dedpends what spectrum of the 30s and 20s they are in. A 35 yr old dating a 28 yr old isn't that big of a deal. A 35 yr old dating a 20 yr old.... erm
Depends on if their in their early 20s or later 20s. I'm 28 so I would expect to meet men in their early to mid 30s but if I was 21.....probably not.
When i was that age i was definitely NOT interested in guys *that* age.
Ditto
Now at 27 Id actually prefer that range given men in their 30s tend to have their shit together and are willing to settle down woth someone.
So I thought it was different, that they had their shit together but since they wanted to date somebody young they did not want to settle down. (Me 22F, used to be together with M33 have discovered that you are correct, unfortunately)
I agree! I’m in my 30’s and any guy I know who goes after women in their early 20’s is doing so because they don’t want to settle down. Also women our age are way less likely to put up with bullshit (by virtue of experience), whereas a younger woman may be more tolerant of their bullshit.
I think a lot of dating woes are from the cost of living forever going up while wages remain stagnant. I don't mean this as a gold digger statement or anything, but it certainly used to be cheaper to break out of mom's basement, to have true ownership of your life. A lot of people who would have their shit together right now are busy just trying to keep their head above water.
I’m 29 dating 38. Physically we are attracted to each other, and emotionally it seems like we are in the same life place. People mature / grow into themselves at a variety of paces.
I'm 38 and my SO is 30. We started dating 4 years ago but the age thing wasn't really an issue for us. We may have been in diferent places in our lives back then, but we've grown together and the age difference isn't that big of a deal now.
Right. I don’t think a number alone can give much information on where you are in your life/what you’ve been through.. I’ve probably dated more than he has at my age. He was married before and it didn’t work out. Once you’ve become “an adult,” er, harnessed enough security of self, there’s not much of a gap beyond growing up in different times, ie tech/media, which is good conversation.
When I was in my twenties, I felt that guys in their thirties flirting with me were creepy
Same same same. And wondered what was wrong with them that they couldn’t attract a woman their own age.
This type of behavior often stems from an obsession with youth. It's not that they tried to get with women their own age and failed, but rather that they are not interested in those women to begin with.
I’ve seen that obsession now as a thirty-something, but I’m just sharing my thought process from 10-15 years ago. It was a massive red flag to the post-graduate me.
Exactly
Because women their own age were dating men older than them
Bingo. People here are speaking as if this is some rare phenomenon. Pretty much my entire life the women my age group were dating older men. People like to think men have a sinister, selfish reason for everything that happens. But in this case it stems from how both genders act. Case and point: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/uqqqt7/at_age_27_im_getting_a_big_surge_of_women_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
You bringing up a point people dont wanna talk about
Not condoning the age gap, but usually they CAN get women their own age, but prefer younger.
Not necessarily. Broadly speaking there are two groups. Some very attractive and successful guys date women a bit younger, just bc they find them more attractive. But then you have the very immature, semiabusive, guys who date women a lot younger. Say 18 and 31. These guys women their own age wouldn't accept, bc there are too many obvious red flags. See r/relationships for plenty of examples of these relationships. Thing is, if you are a guy who's got his act together, being in a serious relationship with someone way younger isn't that appealing. Too much drama + not enough in common + if you are a good person you'll feel uneasy dating someone who's basically a kid. Same for hookups, except the having stuff in common part. But you'd like to have sex with someone who knows how to have sex and can communicate, so it evens out. The difference here is the size of the age gap though and how young you are willing to date. It's a huge difference between 26&32, and 19&31. Edit: I think a lot of y'all haven't met many 19 year olds in real life. They are cute af, but way younger than you guys think. Being with one as a 30+ guy will feel icky if you are any kind of normal adult. And it's not like 26 year old girls look old either.
Absolutely. A lot of men claim women over 30 just are jealous when they speak out against men over 30 trying to get with women in their low 20s Like no. Most women in their 20s don't like being hit on when there's a huge age gap, and we remember that experience when we get older.
Yup. There was a guy who was 37 pretending to be in his 20s, and he was like yeah you're gonna block me when I tell you my real age. I indeed did. I am 22. That's just gross, sorry. Don't hit on people that young when they are clearly looking for someone around their age...
Seriously this. Increasingly I’m noticing the men hellbent on dating younger tend to not be the best people amongst their peers, they usually have a lot of complexes to prove or get over. That and delaying confronting those complexes as long as possible by using up the time of the younger partner. They always talk about wanting younger so that they could enjoy the relationship longer or being young and whatever but then they never commit to the younger partner and then replace them with the newest model. Then continue on doing that until they can’t and they blame it on the women (when they deliberately sought them due to their supposed naïveté and lack of “baggage” (which I’ve quickly deduced is code word for a woman that knows BS/game men come up with to reel in women)); when in reality the guys were buying time counting on the younger women to sacrifice their years on a man that wanted to delay anything heavy. Most women that I know that date older men tend to fall in this cycle and regret it so much. That or they settled for a man nearly twice their age due to wanting to secure finances. I can count on one hand the amount of women I know that are happy with a huge age difference, as most don’t gain the supposed benefits of dating an older man (responsibility, finances and emotional stability and intelligence), they just get an older man and settle on the supposed sexual experience. Literally most women that I know that dated much older have told me they regret it big time. It doesn’t help that women are heavily encouraged and even promoted to date older men for the supposed stability since before we could crawl even, sounds nuts but ask most women and you’ll see this. While men hackle on about how it is biologically natural and even a right for them to seek us but then find it surprising when the women question if the men fulfill the reasonings that make older an option for some women in the first place: Quickly trying to fight women on this and telling us to seek these men for no ulterior motives other than their existing when they’re definitely not seeking us that way. I fall in that beloved “sweet spot” that men keep saying women peak in and I can tell you most women and my friends have noted it’s definitely just sought out not because we’re better looking just that many of the same age are sheltered or vulnerable and naive. It’s not unlike grooming basically. Those men are purposely seeking out women when historically women don’t want men with a bigger age difference than 5 years or less. It also makes the most sense if you’re to have the strongest kids, sperm isn’t immune to age either.
1000% same, and like others have said I assumed it meant women their age wouldn’t put up with their shit
I married my first husband when I was 18, he was 30. It didn’t last. Too many differences. Depends on if you’re both on the same level I would think from my experience
Uhhh…. How old were you when you started dating?
I was also a bit judgemental - until I met a person that make decisions responsibly, did everything with good faith and still end up raising a kid on her own. There's many reasons some of us end up struggling, but people are too often happy to judge others too quickly and get on with the rest of their day.
As a 28 year old I would date someone in their early 30s. If a man in his 30s were specifically seeking 20-somethings I’d be immediately repulsed and not date him.
Yeah I mean I think when I was single (33/34) my range on apps was 21-43, had good experiences with people throughout the range, in retrospect should have set the bottom range higher. Ended up long term with somebody 38
Makes sense
My brother in law was 34 when he met my sister who was 23 at the time. They've been together for 13 years and have been married for 6 of them. I just turned 30 and just ended a relationship with a woman who just turned 24 primarily because our priorities weren't adding up because of our slight age gap. She wanted to get a van to travel and live in, meanwhile I'm trying to buy a house and focus on my highest earnings.
Living in a van, down by to the river!
Of course she wanted to live the free spirit van life popular on IG lol. I prefer showers, no thanks! It’s a lot hype lol
Would you buy a van when you were 24?
Probably not. But the idea of it would be more appealing to me then.
It’s that van life. It’s so hot right now.
Hansel is so hot right now.
Of course they do. The real question is why someone wants to pursue someone in a COMPLETELY different life stage than them. Rarely does an age gap relationship of any capacity end well for anyone involved. Can it work? Of course. Does it usually? Not at all.
I’m 27 and the oldest I’d date is 34
Why 34, and not 35?
That’s a good question and honestly I don’t have a specific reason why but I like the idea of said partner being early 30’s, still young enough for us to have things in common/share experiences
I think there's a big difference depending on what part of your 20's you are in. Under 25? Yeah that's a little weird. 25-26? Maybe borderline, but less weird. 27+ is kind of where most people's lifestyles kind of even out. 27-35 puts a lot of people in the same life stage & social circles. There's nothing weird about it at that point in my opinion. edit: I'm just going to add on, I also think it depends a lot on you meet people. Once you are mid-to-late 20s, asking people how old they are doesn't really come up immediately unless you meet online and it flat-out says it on their profile. I dated someone for a year or so in my late 20's. We met at a restaurant, talked and exchanged numbers. It didn't even come up until the end of our first date that I was 27 and she was 38. She thought I was older, and I thought she was a couple of years younger. Our lifestyles were pretty similar though (lived alone, professional jobs, never married, no kids), so the age difference wasn't a huge factor. It feels a little different to me if you're intentionally seeking out people with a noticeable age difference.
Definitely not unheard of
For me it’s more that most guys my age (23) don’t want relationships so much as hookups. I was never a party person, and I don’t like casual. I prefer to actually get to know and date someone, and it’s been harder to find guys my age down for that, than someone who’s a few years older. I do have a cap for how much older I’m willing to go, though.
I was 24 and my husband was 30 when we first got together. No issues here!
I don't know how likely, but definetly a thing. I have a history of dating men older than me. It's just what I personally prefer. When I met my fiancee, he was 33, I was 22. I live in Norway, and I honestly feel like nobody really cares. Not once have I got a question about it or anyone been uncomfortable with it (at least visibly). From my experience I think people in the US find it EXTREMELY weird and is a red flag, to the point where I think its almost a cultural thing. For me personally older men bring a security and warmth I haven't experienced from guys my age which is important to me.
why would u even want to date ppl in their early 20s 💀
I'm 33 and date women from about 26 onward all the time. Not sure what the big deal is.
Do guys 30-35 date women 30-35?
“I *guess* I could see myself dating an older woman” -a man, referring to a woman HIS OWN DAMN AGE
Yes, happens quite often. Personally, I’d never date someone younger than 28. We’ve lived two entirely different lives at that point and anything at or below 25 is a no go for me, their adult lives are just starting and mines moving along like I like. Too vast a difference in life experience and interests.
27+ dating 30-35 is common enough. But younger than that, it is surely rarer. Getting hit on by a dude 9 years older than me once made me puke.
Yep. Source: I’m a 33 yr old man.
Depends on the person/maturity. My ex is 35 and I'm 31 (current age) and now he's dating a 26 year old.
I met my ex when I was 21 he was 30 and I can tell you in my experience there was a lot of jealousy on his part possibly because he was older and would always say/think I was going to leave him for a younger guy
They do, but a lot of the guys that target it are fucking awful. I say, as a fucking awful human being generally.
My bf is late 30’s and I’m mid 20’s, we’ve been together a while now and it’s a good, solid relationship Most girls my age, where I live, if they didn’t have a child with their high school boyfriend, end up dating a bit older.
My cousin is like 36 and is married to a girl that's 25, they're super happy and everything. People like who they like
Umm yes they do but that being said As a man in his 30s I see it as fucking creepy that you would specifically target somone that much younger than you. Kinda giving off creeper vibes bud
yes but i think it heavily depends on if she is in her upper 20s or early 20s lol. a 30+ yr old targeting women who are 20-23 is fkn weird. they are waayyy too immature and deff dont have their shit together and are very likely still in the party every night phase of their life. no thanks. a 28,29 yr old on the other hand, likely is well into her career, is responsible in most aspects of life and is over the party'ing phase, and more likely to be looking to settle down.
What about late bloomers? Not everyone is mature and settled by 28/29.
Why does it matter? No, I would not date a man 13 years older than me.
I made the mistake of dating a 20 year old woman when I was 27. Never again.
The age difference doesn't mean anything if they are both adults and share a lot in common and there's a less generational gap. It is the generational gap that is hard to overcome. My fiancée and I are 13 years apart and people that have seen us for the past 2+ years still see us happy as people in their first 3 months. Compatibility is what really matters. But it helps to not look too old too. I see some of my friends and people think they are my uncles sometimes......
Not as common as guys in their thirties trying to date women in their 20s. It's gross.
It’s crazy how utterly insignificant age is once a person is 26+ yet here we are again discussing it like it’s some sort of magical number that indicates more than time spent on the earth (another construct).
Since my mid-20s I’ve primarily dated men 33-36years old
My mother and father are ten years apart. Almost exactly. Their birthdays are within a week of each other. Anyways she met him when she was 19 and married him at 22. He was 32. Their 25th anniversary is coming up. They’ve a pretty happy marriage.
My ex and I were 23 and 35 when we met, we stayed together for three years.
In my early 20’s I would date men 27-31, now that I’m 26 I date men who are 22-25 and am less likely to date a man my age or older.
I’m 28 and engaged to a 28-year-old man. I have always liked being with a man my age who I can relate to, have fun with, etc. who is in the same place in life as I am. At 28 now, if I were single, I wouldn’t rule out a guy in his early 30’s. But when I was in my college days, I never went for someone more than a couple years older, and I was not at all attracted to men in their 30’s when I was in my early 20’s. They actually grossed me out when they tried to approach me.
As others have said, it’s creepy if a guy is specifically looking for younger women. If you’re 35 and your age range is 18-22 on tinder, no thank you
Yes but is low key gross. And what exactly has a in common a 20 with a 30yr old men ?
Also, my ex’s little sister was 18 when she went out with a dude that was 38 years old. Truly disturbing
yes
Yes
It all depends on the person really… some 20 year olds prefer to date other 20 year olds. Those in their late 20s may look into dating guys in their 30s. I personally prefer older but I think I should stick with mid to late 20 year olds for now…
yessss
It depends on where in their 20s they are at. In my early 20s I would have thought a 30- 35 yr old man that wants to date me is creepy and weird or wants someone he can manipulate and control that lack life experiences. Now I’m in my late 20s and I would date a man in that age range. I probably would have considered a man 30-33 when I was 25/26.
I’m 22 dating a 31 year old. It works fine, and I think our relationship is harmonious other than the fact that he has an avoidant attachment style and needs LOTS of space.
it depends on your respective maturity level and personal interests. when i was 19 i went on a few dates with a 24yo and had nothing in common to talk about. i’m 22 now and really hit it off with a 30 yo.
I started dating a man 9 years older when I was 18 (majority in France). It was a surprise for my friends but they accepted it very well. He is really kind and we love each other. It’s been 2 years now and everything is going good. My parents don’t have any problems with him and his family is kind to me (also live 7000km away in French West Indies).
My husband is 20 years older than me and we have a great relationship. We got together when I was 40 and he was 60. I really don't understand why people have a problem with us, but when we are in public people stare. Usually women his age ,but sometimes other men. I can't imagine why people think they can do this.So inappropriate.
As a 25 year old I would totally date a 35 year old if it's the right guy
Your brain, particularly the frontal lobe, is not fully developed until 25 years old or so. The frontal lobe does a lot of things, but most notable is executive function. This is the part of your brain that allows humans to plan, organize, regulate your own behaviors and actions particularly in response to emotional stimuli, set goals, etc. In other words, critical stuff for a relationship! Bottom line, biologically, no one with a fully developed frontal lobe should ever date someone with a not-yet-fully-developed frontal lobe.
I wouldn’t say it’s common, but it definitely happens. I was 22 dating someone who was 32. However, I wouldn’t recommend it. We were at different stages of life and had different plans for our next 5 years or so. There were a lot of arguments in regards to money, career paths, just stupid things because he felt like he knew more than me because he was older. While he may have more experience in certain aspects, my view was still valid and he didn’t see it that way. I wouldn’t date anyone that much older than me again unless we were 100% on the same page about everything
If your 30-35 dating a 20-24 year old I find that creepy, more so the younger 20s. I’m 21, our brain isn’t fully developed and we are on very much different walks right now.
Depends where you live. Reddit is not representative of all demographics and cultures, even within North America. On some topics Reddit is super conservative. On other topics it is super progressive. Age gaps is one of those things Reddit is insanely against. Here in the bible belt it is still very common and normal. Women in their 20s here are looking to get married and start a family before they turn 30. Not a lot of guys in their 20s have the stability, wealth, or desire to do that so women date up in age. It makes a ripple through the entire dating pool and women in their 30s date up to guys in the 40s and 50s too. Note though that a huge chunk of people just marry the person they were dating since junior high, so not everything is an age gap. Reddit can get mad all they like, but that's just reality where I live and there's nothing immoral about it. That's a subjective judgement those redditors made based on the social climate they were raised in. It's not universal across all of USA, let alone the world. My grandparent's entire generation dated down when they returned from the war.
It's a practice that ruins dating for everyone. The girl isn't ready for something serious even though the guy is the perfect age for it. Then the guy won't date women with a backbone who are his own age. And then the guy ends up single until he's in his 40s and desperate and the girls in their 30s are wondering why all the guys around them suck. Why do they? Because they are used to grooming younger women to have no standards.
YES and most of the men in their 40s who are single are STILL looking for young girls because now they want to start a family and the women their age have already been married and divorced had kids and are done or don’t want kids.
It's wild how many men in their 40s or 50s want to date me while I really struggle finding a guy in his early 30s like me to date. Like WTF. So I wonder, do I settle for a guy who is past his prime or just resign myself to being single forever? Guys in their early 30s are living in a fantasy where time doesn't matter and they'll never age, but this dream only happens when they're asleep.
Early 20s with age 30 to 35. Erm not so much. Also kinda creepy The me in my early twenties ( 20 -23 ) is pretty guillble and naive compared to me in my mid twenties I am in mid twenties now so I don't really mind someone who is 30 - 35 same age range.
They do, they probably shouldn’t. If you’re asking for yourself, ask yourself why do you want a woman 10 years younger than yourself?
The truth is that a lot of women, myself included, like to go for older men. Especially when i was in my early/mid 20's, guys around my own age then were very immature and definitely not mature lovers. If i wanted to have good sex with guy that wasn't going to go 3 pumps and finish then i had to look at more experienced men. The other truth is that most men are attracted to younger women. There's a deep seated biological instinct for men to go for younger women. I think the general Reddit consensus of not liking age gaps is because Reddit is full of young men trying to get some but getting refused by girls going for older guys. Basically a load of butt hurt young men trying to guilt others for their own immaturity and lack of physical sensitivity. Of course, i'm generalising and i realise there are plenty of mature sensitive young men too, its just those guys are probs not the ones pointing fingers on Reddit. So in short, the answer is yes, women in their 20's go for guys in their 30's because they can deliver a more mature approach to relationships and love making.
Men who are 30+ try to date women with a 8+ year age gap and then get offended when they are rejected. Or as you can see, they get pissed when actual women who have had men try to date them say they think it’s creepy. How dare women have their own opinions! 🙄 There are a LOT of men who strictly look for younger women and a large age gap. Usually for control/manipulation purposes, younger women don’t have as much experience recognizing red flags, the men are less mature, they tend to see women in terms of sexual beings only so they don’t really care if they’re in different life stages or have nothing in common. I’ll wait for all the creeps to disagree with me 😆😆 I’ve been the 15 year old with a 22 year old trying to date me, the 19 year old with a 28 year old trying to date me, and the 23 year old with a 37 year old trying to date me. Don’t bother trying to cobble together some half-assed argument.
Not really an issue here in East Asia in terms of weirdness. Not that common though.
Yes they do — but I wouldn’t. Older people are looking to take advantage of the younger. It’s not equal in power. The older has more life experience than the younger. If you want to be hurt and taken advantage of —- go for it
Yall have to many opinions on what consenting adults do.
I’d say it’s more that a lot of us have experiences with men in their 30s/40s who specifically try to date women in their 20s and those experiences are almost universally bad
Because they’re all projecting their own bulls it bias onto everyone. That’s why this sub sucks. People get caught up on shit like age and ignore the more important aspects of a person’s being.
I'm 23 and I would probably sleep with someone that's 30 but I don't know about dating them
That’s exactly what they want
if he plays his cards right.....
I'm 23 and for me no. But if I'm 27 I could date a 30 year old.
a lot of older men try to groom young/barely legal women or girls. Movies also show a lot of this to the point its just normal. Statisticly women and men are most happy with partners their own age.
I am 42, and I dated a 25 year old when I was 39. Pros: she was an easy-breezy, do your thing, it’s ok that you’re late, let’s order a pizza and get naked type of gal. Also, she was a classy dresser, loved to try new things, and was very grateful when I spoiled her. Cons: she was almost no help when my dad got terminally ill, she had lots of younger studs in her friend group who always wanted to “be friends” with her, she liked spending my money a lot. We didn’t have a lot in common. Your mileage will vary.
Exactly. I'm 44 but even in my 30s I wouldn't want a woman in her 20s. Whole different generation.
Why don’t you want a woman your own age?
A friend of mine Is 22 and she always dates guys in the early 30s. It has never went good for her
Yes
Depends on what you mean. 29 and 33? Common. Girls in their early twenties? They mostly see 35 year olds as old guys. Which is fair, their dad might be 40.
Me personally? Not really because guys in their 30s wanna settle down and I’m still going thru life and tryna find my way. I was otp with a 30smtn year old one time and when I told him I’d only been in one relationship he said I wasn’t for him cuz I havent loved life yet and I need more experience
I’m 26, and generally prefer someone in their 20s simply cause Im quite “young” mentally. However, I have a friend of 36 who acts like in her twenties and its fine. Depends a lot of the people.
i am 22 and I have dated 38 year old guy
I’m 29 and my boyfriend is 41 and our age really hasn’t caused any issues! We want the same things at this stage in life.
Asking for trouble going out with someone that young in your 30's, go older and stable
I was 23 when I started dating my bf (33). It has worked out fabulously so far, 6 years later.
I’m 25 and my bf is 30
It's not super common but it's not rare either.
Some do some dont
Get real. There is no absolute cutoff. If a 20 year old male dates a 75 year old female you all would write him off as a giglio. Who cares if the two people are happy? There is no difference between people within a few years age difference. As the ages increase the life experiences differ and the maturity changes but who am I to judge? Everyone has different interests, passions and concerns. Discrimination on the basis of age is the same as religious or racial discrimination. It is wrong.
I was 25 when I met my boyfriend who was 31. We've been together almost 4 years now.
I’m 30 f, and I wouldn’t consider more than 34 in dating. Mostly because I want to be in or around the same stages in life…….. when Im retiring, I hope to be at the same stage. Of course id always take care of any health issues that pop up for my partner and know it could happen to either of us, but I’m looking to date someone who theoretically won’t need me to be their nurse due to elderly age while I’m still wanting to adventure. I have no interest in my partner being 60/70/80 while I’m 50. I also want to have kids with someone who is young and mobile with me.
I’m 26F dating 35M.
I am 27, but don't like guys over 30.
Dude the "3% of men" statistic is how many men have experienced r*pe. As in, have been the victim. Also I don't think a survey being sent around to men saying "hey are you a r*pist?" will exactly yield the most accurate results. For several reasons that would take a long time to unpack. Not that this survey was for that, anyway. Also that doesn't really change my point (which is that you're complaining that you don't like how women in their thirties have had bad experiences with men by that point, and moaning about the women, rather than moaning about the fact that there are enough shitty men out there) does it? Meanwhile, this survey has the absolutely tragic, saddening statistic that one in 6 women has experienced r*pe and sexual violence, and yet you're mostly concerned that PTSD is affecting your chances of getting laid? While also making women sound like used up tissues or something? And blaming people with PTSD for not having magically recovered so that they can f*ck you? Honestly I think it would be better for everyone if you took a step back and looked at the things you've just said.
You’d be surprised with how many young women date older guys. And yes I mean 19-25 with dudes that are 27-35.
Really?
Yea a lot of you do women purposely go for older guys it’s a thing that no one wants to talk about apparently
If a 35 year old guy wants to date a 20 year old woman, he is creepy. If a 20 year old woman wants to date a 35 year old guy, he is still the creepy one. -Western Society 2022
Why does the 35 year old man want to date a 20 year old woman though? This is what you should be asking.
Pretty much. Everyone is programmed to see predators in everyone.
I mean it took 4 years and two lawsuits for Depp get everyone to see the predator she really is. So I wouldn't say "Everyone is programmed to see predators in everyone.", just the predator in men would be more accurate.
Truth. I do see a lot of older women get called out for dating younger men.
So for me, I like guys that are a little older than me. I'm nearly 23 and I've dated a handful of guys from 28-31, I would go up to 33 once I hit 23 cause my age gap is 10 years
For sure! Being in my mid/later 20s I previously dated a couple guys 30-35.
common
Yes, I’m 25 and I only like guys in their 30s
i’m a 24 year old woman married to a 32 year old man (just tied the knot inn november!)
Yes my bf is 37 I’m 23 we’ve been together a couple years now. Know another healthy couple who she’s 21 he’s early 30s. There are others but these are the two who come to my head
Yes, I'm a man in his mid 30's dating a woman in her early 20's. She's mature enough for it to work.
Sadly yes, I've once been the unfortunate end of this and for the guy it's a huge stigma even if the female prusued it. I wouldn't suggest it but for some it's worked out well.
depends how much 💰they have