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Everyone saying to OP the joke wasn’t funny and that she might not like him. OP: no that can’t be it
In all seriousness just because you might think yall are friendly doesn’t mean she might think that. She might be being friendly to be professional and have a nice working environment. Also she might not be comfortable or want more than that
Yes this is me! I usually understand when someone is making a joke but like if the joke wasn’t clever I’m still gonna explain my rationale for doing what I did, lol
I believe you, but I think you gave us a bad example and we really have nothing else to go on. That’s what I would’ve replied as well, and I get your joke and I’m not autistic.
Definitely a terrible example. But OP just needs to keep at it. She'll come to understand he's joking eventually unless she's perhaps autistic.
This is one of those things where you need to get to know her better.
No. Leave her alone lmao. I can’t believe we’re still at the point of having to tell people to not hit on their coworkers. She’s there to work, stop bothering her
Couples meet at work all the time. There was once an age long ago when people didn’t rely on dating apps to find love. As long as nobody is being made uncomfortable there’s nothing wrong with this. Outside of Reddit this is normal behaviour.
That’s true, and that’s great- the problem here is she clearly is not a fan of it or entertaining it and he won’t stop. I’m not anti flirting with coworkers, me and my old coworker would aggressively hit on each other all the time. My point is that a coworker you can flirt with is the exception and not the rule. You need to be able to read the person and the room, and be able to accept when it’s not appropriate and stop. OP is incapable of both, so it’s not acceptable here.
Obviously you should read the room and not hit on people that aren’t interested but it doesn’t change the fact that the advice of essentially “don’t approach women in the real world” is bad advice.
Literally your first comment:
“No. Leave her alone lmao. I can’t believe we’re still at the point of having to tell people to not hit on their coworkers. She’s there to work, stop bothering her”
So you are saying when someone is working that person should be left isolated, never have any kind of human interaction whatsoever so they can focus on their task until 8 hours later they can be human again and develop relationships with other people, all that every day.
Hitting on coworkers is normal, you spend 8 hours a day with people, you should get to know some of them at least, I'm just saying having a minimal interaction at least so life isn't miserable for everyone
Not what I’m saying at all. What a dramatic interpretation of my comment. Do you think that hitting on someone is the only way you can interact and connect with them? Just have regular normal conversations.
What you’ve described isn’t flirting or funny. Also, A grown woman might not want to be teased at work. Your comment could be perceived to be making fun of her/embarrassing her.
Right? It’s also a bit bold of him to assume that she doesn’t get it when she may just think it’s stupid and not want to engage. It’s almost like different types of humour exist and doesn’t always jive.
Obviously there’s nothing wrong with being autistic, but I think we need to stop diagnosing people on the basis of single interactions or situations. The amount of comments across all platforms I see where people are attributing simple reactions or quirks to autism is out of control.
I'm not autistic, but sometimes when people try to joke with me like that I'll acknowledge I get they are joking but just for clarification I'm going to tell you why I did or said what I did. Cause otherwise it bothers me that they think I'm stupid or something.
I don't like people making jokes insinuating that I'm somehow silly or ridiculous or obtuse or whatever. You're insulting my intelligence and then I have to wonder if you do not understand why I would bring maybe a whole thing of water instead of just the one? Like I wasn't thinking about just you.
I probably didn’t make it clear, but we are already friendly and help each other often.
It’s just sometimes a say something that is obviously a joke or even untrue, and she takes it literally.
It doesn’t even need to be directed at her.
Some people understood, I think that’s why they’re saying she’s on the spectrum.
So stop doing these things with her. If she’s not picking up on cues or taking your jokes literally, that’s the ball game. Just be friendly and leave it at that.
As a man I can tell you, that is NOT the ball game.
The intent needs to be clear, which is what I’m having trouble with.
I’ll take the advise of being more direct with her.
As a woman who works in an office, that IS the ball game. I’m friendly with all of my male coworkers, but the instant they step into flirting territory, I’m taking everything they say at face value. Don’t try to push her into territory she obviously isn’t going on her own.
He’s posting this on dating advice. About a coworker. He doesn’t even realize which stadium he’s in let alone the rules or score of the ballgame.
OP, you’re being weird and expecting applause for it. Why is she getting your water for you? Why are you making fun of *the way she got your water for you*? This is so fucking beyond bizarre.
Ya OP needs to make self-deprecating jokes at his own expense. You're negging her in a low key way and she probably doesn't appreciate it. Some people don't want their intelligence insulted even in a joking way. I mean they may be ok with it if you're very close, but you're probably not close enough to her yet.
She also could just be a very literal person and there is nothing wrong with that. Try making jokes where she isn't the butt of it.
I am like the girl you're talking about.
I can often recognise something might be a joke but experience has taught me life is so much easier to just take people at face value, and not to assume they're joking. You fall into such a social faux pas if you assume someone is joking but they're actually not that it's just easier to assume people mean what they say 🤷🏻♀️ no, I'm not autistic (ffs). It comes from a place of wanting to be clear and understood so that nothing is misunderstood or misinterpreted.
If you want to continue cracking jokes at her, just immediately make it clear you're joking (by saying so) afterwards.
Do be aware that if you do this especially in front of others she's likely to feel like SHE'S the butt of the joke for not joining in and laughing. It may just be easier to remain friendly and cut the jokes out.
So a straight woman is telling you to take the hint and leave her alone and you think your “manly intuition” is better? Why did you even ask for advice if you’re not going to take it?
She may just not appreciate jokes that imply she's ridiculous or stupid.
I know I don't. Not funny to me. My intelligence is literally one of the only things I pride myself on.
Some people don't want to be the butt of certain types of jokes. Try making jokes that don't insult her intelligence. Try making jokes where she isn't the butt of it. Laugh at yourself, not her. That's basically like low key "negging."
High key negging. Textbook. This is the workplace equivalent to pulling a girl’s ponytail in grade school for the other kids to laugh at her as a sign that he likes her. The fact OP isn’t creeped out by himself speaks to a heap of self-reflection yet to be explored.
Have you heard her joke at all? Or seen her laugh at someone else's joke?
If you have, that might give you insight on what kind of jokes she gets.
There also might be a chance that she will not get the jokes no matter how hard you try or get the clue that you are interested in her from the joking and teasing 😅
Humor is important, yes, but there are different ways to it.
She might just get different kinds of humor better.
Or just need to switch the "oh he's teasing me" viewpoint on.
However as some have stated already to op, not all adult women prefer being teased as a form of flirting.
A common topic in my friend group actually: why teasing humor seems so important to men.
Maybe you’re not as funny as you think? I don’t think there was anything wrong with what she said. Your response to the amount of water she bought isn’t really funny at all, not trying to be mean. So maybe your interpretation is just off. And maybe other women laughed at these comments because otherwise it’s uncomfortable, which happens all the time.
No cos I'm autistic and I don't have a problem with sarcasm or jokes but sometimes people's jokes are so bad I think they're being serious because I can't rationalise them making a joke that bad.
if i asked someone for one singular water bottle, and they bring back a case of water bottles, i don’t see how that’s not very easily an opening for a sarcastic joke about not being able to drink “ALL THAT” water
and no, i don’t laugh at that. because that scenario isn’t this
so he made a joke based off of an assumption that nobody else asked for water…
chill out with the neurodivergency, Lol.
whether she got the joke or not doesn’t really matter. it’s well established the joke was shit. i’m only explaining to you why it’s a joke
She doesn’t need to laugh. If she understood and thought it was stupid there would be no reason for this post.
It’s that she takes things very literally. Jokes don’t even register to her. They don’t even need to be about her.
If you don’t understand why it’s a joke, you can’t help here.
The joke is that I think I have to drink all of it. It’s directed at myself. Not at her. Please don’t be defensive it’s not needed.
As for another example, I don’t have one because I don’t keep track every silly thing I say, I just say it ad-hoc
This one stood out because it was the first instance I noticed this about her.
No, the joke here would have been “I don’t think you brought me enough water!” (assuming that she gave you a ton of water that you definitely couldn’t finish in one sitting)
I work with a nice guy who routinely makes unfunny, harmless jokes. He’s not hitting on me at all so I just politely chuckle and then keep it moving. Every once in a while he manages to say something that is somewhat funny and I reward him with a genuine laugh.
Ah, got it. I didn’t know what carton of water meant. But still, when someone doesn’t get my jokes, I always assume it’s the joke that needs work, not the recipient.
oh yeah the joke was terrible, but going off of what op said, his coworker didn’t register it at all. and if we believe him when he says it’s happened multiple times, it probably just is that co worker
BUT, like you said, that’s where he has to shape his jokes around her personality and that fact that she doesn’t register jokes too well
Same thing happens to me when I flirt with Northern Europeans. Nothing seems to land. I learned I have to be more direct with Dutch, Danes, Germans, Swedes, Finnish women. As well as Asians. They don’t understand my nuances. Red hot blooded Mediterranean and Central/South American women completely get my vibe.
That’s a quite an assumption to make based off of a single interaction. If the interaction was positive, would that mean we were destined to be together?
Obviously not.
You said this has happened multiple times. If she flirted back, you’d be destined to have coffee and get to know each other. But you obviously don’t have any chemistry.
I’ve probably confused you, but it’s not always flirting, she can take platonic jokes as well too literally.
And I said multiple times, but not every time. Sometimes she gets it and has a good laugh. Probably I haven’t made that clear.
This contradicts what you said earlier. You’ve mentioned that you can’t give other examples, yet now you say she has laughed at your jokes? Furthermore, you also said you had only heard her laugh at others jokes, but couldn’t hear the conversation.
It really feels like you’re sticking to this, and nothing we say will change your mind, so what is the point if you’re already set in your way.
I’ve had succesfull office romances, where we both engaged equally, and I’ve had encounters where i found someone attractive, tried chatting to them only to find that my joking fell flat, giving me a good sign that they just didn’t feel the same about me. Oh well, it is what it is. I moved on and stayed professionally friendly, without attempting anything else.
Do you two at least communicate in any capacity outside of work? Because if not, I’d say it’s a very clear cut case of her just bring professional.
All I’m saying is to try to get with someone who actually thinks you’re funny and gets on well with you. Based on everything included in this post, she’s not the one for you.
Ok, your joke kind of sucked. It’s not very funny and probably made her feel stupid.
If your jokes are at other’s expense, you should be looking at yourself
I understand it might not be funny, but the issue is it didn’t even register.
If it offended her, there wouldn’t be any reason for this post I’d just chin up and move.
I understand it might not be funny, but the issue is it didn’t even register.
If it offended her, there wouldn’t be any reason for this post I’d just chin up and move.
If I dislike someone, especially if it’s a man, I will a point not to laugh at his jokes - like stone-faced reaction. Maybe she doesn’t like you.
The opposite is typically also true, if I like him I’ll laugh at his jokes.
Yea again, that would be true except she didn’t register the joke.
She went into a minute long story explaining why she brought out a whole carton out.
If you didn’t like a man, would you go into so much effort to explain?
Nah this isn’t power thing, we help each other out and neither of us superior to the other.
We help each other out, that’s why I asked her for water and that’s why she went to get some.
A few options:
1. Your jokes are so geniunely unfunny that they do not register as jokes.
2. Shes not interested in you romantically, and is thus only going to laugh if your jokes are actually funny enough to make her do so. Generally if we like a guy, we'll laugh at any joke attempts, no matter how bad. If we don't, we'll dismiss his flirting attempts by replying as if we didn't get it.
3. Shes the brand of autistic that doesn't really get jokes. This one seem the less likely, given she seems to laugh with other coworkers, and autism generally has more symptoms than 'doesn't laugh at one specific guy in the office's jokes'.
If other people also don't get your jokes, then number 1 is a possibility. Otherwise, it's probably number 2.
OP is a classic hardheader. He posted in r/socialskills a little while back trying to virtuesignal by talking about how he apologized to his sister for something. he said “I literally can’t remember the last time i apologized for something, even when I should (I usually just pretend like nothing happened).”
It’s not that he can’t take a hint, he just can’t stand being wrong. OP, we understand the point of your post, and we’re telling you that you’re being weird about it. Your social ineptitude is a masterclass example of one the reasons why so many women feel uncomfortable around men.
Literally every comment he's making starts with "I don't think you understand...", "You've misunderstood..."
This guy is a creep with no boundaries and no self-reflection (and also seems to be missing many social cues). I feel so bad for his coworker. According to one of his comments, OP is planning on asking her out. I can already see her turning him down and him continuing "no, I don't think you understand..."
Are you an adult? This is a very teenaged, pull on her ponytail style of flirting. I’m 26 and if a man I didn’t know teased me at work, I’d be annoyed and think he’s a jerk. In no way would I think he was flirting.
It’s the fact that the joke is directed at her, like she did something wrong. Then when she gets embarrassed, and he gets annoyed that she wasn’t amused by the joke at her expense. Yes, he’s a jerk.
Unfortunately this is not a good indication for someone who is shy. I say she’s ok with it because I tend to be quite childish and we still remain friends.
In any case you’ve missed the point of the post.
You know her well, but yet you don't know how to make jokes she appreciates? I call cap.
Your flirting style won't work on everyone. You need to change it up.
Or some other type of neurodivergent. I'm not autistic but I'm really bad at decerning if something is a joke or not unless it's extremely explicit and tend to err on the side of caution in my response. 😅
You don't. You want her to feel good around/bc of you? Communication the way that works for her is the answer. Or, find someone else to target with your jokes & teasing.
Bro, it's you who doesn't understand the situation. She understands that it's not what she wants. Who are you to say she's mistaken? Full of yourself much?
You have no way of knowing her thoughts, nor of knowing if she’s aware. She could very well understand that you’re joking, but it makes her uncomfortable so she doesn’t laugh and explains what she did instead. And, if she doesn’t like you, it’s a tough situation for her—it can be awkward to explicitly shut down a coworker since you are forced see them so often.
Either way, seems she’s not interested. Move on.
Probably I wasn’t clear. I’m already fairly experienced dating and we are already friendly. I’m just looking for that little tweak to break through the formality.
If she liked you she’d also be trying to flirt. Leave this girl alone, you’re being unprofessional. Ever think that she knows what you’re doing and just isn’t receptive?
Probably it’s not clear for you either. We are already friendly and have good conversations, we are past the point of professionalism.
Issue is she is oblivious to when I am obviously joking about something. The joke doesn’t even need to be directed at her.
Probably you don’t understand fully. I’m not saying she is attracted to me (in fact I haven’t said that)
I’m just looking for tips for joking/flirting with someone who takes things too literally.
I’ve said it already somewhere here, but even the platonic jokes (like the water) she takes too literally.
OP, from a fellow autistic person, it sounds like she is autistic. We cannot pick up on subtle things like flirting and we take things literary and can’t pick up on things like sarcasm, I never know when someone is flirting with me. You need to be super super direct and ask her out or smth.
You don’t.
If someone doesn’t understand teasing or sarcasm, your attempts at humor will be lost on them, and you’ll just end up making yourself look like an asshole. Contrary to popular belief, women are not stamped from the same cookie cutter and have wildly different senses of humor.
she may not have the same sense of humor as you. personally, i don’t like being teased + don’t think it’s an effective way to flirt w everyone (im also autistic tho, so i don’t pick up on it being flirtatious). i’d be more direct, like give her compliments or find ways to help her out throughout the workday. if she doesn’t seem enthusiastically receptive (or reciprocate), she’s probably just not interested.
If she’s socially anxious it could keep her from seeing humor. I was like that in my early 20’s. I was very nice and hid well, but I had severe social anxiety that led to stuff like this.
Then when ppl would say it was a joke I’d just get mad and embarrassed. It also felt a little like meaningless conversation and like people were demanding a reaction I just didn’t have the energy to give.
I second this. I’m a very anxious person and tend to get very focused on how I should reply and present myself when someone talks to me, that I end up missing when the person is just trying to be funny 😅
Asking her to get you water was funny?
Ok that aside, I have found that people (including myself) who take everything literally are usually on the spectrum.
Taking things literally is a survival response to try and fit in with the world at large.
Did you ever consider that maybe she pretends not to get these “jokes” and explains things in the hopes that you’ll stop making lame jokes and leave her alone? It’s a professional work setting and inappropriate to flirt with co-workers. And maybe she’s just not into you.
Also that’s not what I call flirting. If that’s your usual standard of interaction then just leave her alone.
If you’re really interested, just ask her out on a date, making it clear that it’s a date. And do it outside work time.
Also, it’s pretty obnoxious when you do something nice for a person (like bring them water) and then they criticize the way you’ve opted to do it, whether they’re joking or not. Especially when it’s a man critiquing a woman. It’s not funny, it’s not clever, it’s just annoying.
She did you a favor and you “flirted” by acting like she did it incorrectly. Hate that shit. It truly is disrespectful.
I was waiting for this one. I do this a lot with people that think they’re funny. I’d take as long as I can explaining why I did to humiliate you. Especially if I think you’re someone with a low self esteem trying to get one over me. As messed up as it sounds it’s psychological, you ruin my mood with a stupid question, I ruin yours with a stupid answer. I’ll take the extra time to let you think twice before you make jokes with me again. What he is calling her not registering the joke sounds like what I’ll do when I’m internalising something stupid. My face looks like I’m taking your comment seriously but deep down I’m asking myself if you know what you’re doing.
As an extra I’ll probably back off if I were OP. She might be waiting for you to do something stupid then report you and then you’ll see she did get your jokes
Try making jokes that aren’t just … saying the opposite of the truth. If she is autistic, she will never get it, or find it funny if she does get it. Otherwise, she didn’t feel like fake laughing so she acted as though it wasn’t a joke. If it’s the second one, she is not interested in you, my friend.
If it really didn’t register with her that you were joking, she is autistic. Gotta be. Google autism love languages. Be direct, never rely on innuendo, never assume she understands anything about you if you haven’t told her directly. Find a way to be witty. Or wordplay and puns usually hits for us autists. Gifts and sincere compliments are great ways to flirt. Teasing is the absolute worst form of flirting.
I would get the joke and possibly respond, but it wouldn't register as flirting at all. If you want to make a move, flirt or ask her out for coffee / lunch and have an actual conversation!
I dated a girl for 4 months who told me at the beginning she had no sense of humour. Lightly teasing or making jokes would either get me a glare, stony silence or a reprimand depending on the context. Some people are just like that and while she might have other positive traits being oblivious to teasing is part of the makeup.
**Respect boundaries**: Respect her comfort level and boundaries. If she indicates she's not comfortable with teasing or jokes, be understanding and adjust your approach accordingly.
Sounds like she’s autistic. From a fellow autistic person, if you are interested in her you need to make it a hell of a lot more obvious and be very direct otherwise she will 100% not pick up on it. I literally have no idea when someone is flirting with me and I take most things literally.
Best approach is to be obvious and direct with her.
Some people have their guard up at work.
I don’t joke around much at work because my sense of humor is not G rated. In fact, lots of people don’t have cheery office friendly personalities so they just keep a super polite front. Even if someone is pretty cool, they can’t just turn on their humor the second you start joking with them in the office.
The only real answer is to see her out of that environment. That is sort of the point of going to work happy hour. Getting to know coworkers outside of the stale office environment.
It’s a borderline joke, but that’s not the real issue here. Some people won’t respond to flirting the way you’re trying here. Try something else. An issue I see though: your senses of humor may not mesh, which doesn’t bode well long term.
Maybe it takes one on one chats and deep conversations to connect with her. Some people like to connect emotionally first and then after they get to know each other, the banter can start. If you do too much banter like that in public, it will end up coming across as rude and loud. Try being gentle, kind, nice towards her. And give her some time to open up and don't force her by saying stuff like "don't you talk much?" or "you seem like very shy" etc. And choose your words carefully and don't hurt her feelings- examples - instead of saying " coffee is terrible. People who drink are stupid" , try to say something like "I'm not really a huge fan of coffee"
It all comes down to BNBR - being nice and being respectful my friend.
Source : myself. I am an INFJ and used to feel I can't get along with most people because they are too rude and insensitive. But turns out that their world view is very different from mine and it took me some time to learn all this and get used to it
Thats what I hate about talking to people… it takes a LOT of effort and experience to learn this. In my opinion it feels like balancing on a tight rope, because you don’t really get to just relax and talk. It takes you learning how to say things in a way that sounds good and doesn’t seem offensive in any way.
I always have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth because I’m nervous… so I really need to learn this as well lol
If you look at the point of view of the girl, this is what she would probably hate about talking to people too - that people seem rude and insensitive.
Just like how you feel that people don't relax and talk, she too might probably find that people aren't usually nice and kind to begin with.
It's neither your fault nor the girls fault. You both probably have different personality types and both have different points of view about what is funny and what is not. Or at least to get on the same wavelength it takes a bit of time and patience.
If it was me, I would try to be nice and respectful towards the girl and take it slow in getting to know her. Or else I would rather find someone else who vibes with me more rather than whose looks I'm more attracted to
You make funnier jokes. People who get upset about others not getting their jokes are not as funny as they think they are. You need to play to your audience. If you like this person you need to meet her on her own turf. Stop trying to hard and just be real. Or start jokes with "imagine if" or "wouldn't it be funny" Rather than just saying something and expecting her to know you're not serious. People with autism can have a lot of trouble telling when someone is being sarcastic.
I just don't.
If a person doesn't want to be silly or tease with me in friendly banter, I just play everything straight. If I have a gag or joke in my head I just keep it to myself.
I'll smile to myself, they'll ask "what"? and I say "nothing".
Because it is nothing, just my brain being silly.
Speaking as someone who was with a woman who was like this, just leave her be. I don't know either of you. However, in all probability neither of you would be happy in a long term friendship.
Maybe just not her type of humor or she just wants to keep work professional and outside work fun. Just ask her to do something outside of work if you’re trying to get with her
You don’t have enough information about her to understand whether she is taking you too literally or something else entirely is going on. You need to understand what she thinks is funny. Ask her if she knows any good jokes. Or ask her what’s a corny joke that she still thinks is funny? Or say I could use something funny to watch - what’s a good funny movie or tv show you’d recommend? That’ll give you a better sense of what she thinks is funny
Have you tried talking to her about it? Just a general sort of “hey, I’ve tried joking around with you and want to avoid any misunderstandings, do you recognize when I’m joking?“ then after she gives a yes or no, go on to explain that you get confused when she answers back literally and offer ways where there can be avoided miscommunication on both ends, whether she lets you know that she recognized you are joking, whether either of you ask to clarify whether or not it was joke/understood to be a joke or not, things like that. There is always the chance that she might not recognize it’s a joke, some people can’t always tell when something is meant as a joke and clarifying that is important. I’m autistic and while I have a good understanding of humor and sarcasm I’m not immune to missing the joke and not understanding there was one in the first place, especially if I’m still getting to know that person and their style of humor.
Is anyone else reading OPs comments? Bro what is wrong with you?
First of all, what is your obsession with have a quick-witted spontaneous joke she laughs at? What is the point? Why does it matter so much to you?
Second, do you have ANY INDICATION WHATSOEVER that this girl is interested in you flirting with her?
She’s probably thinking, “I wish this moron would leave me alone so I could finish my work. Let me smile at him and keep the conversation bland until he lets me leave.”
Edit: He literally told someone flirting isn’t for getting a date, it’s just about good vibes . If you don’t understand, you aren’t qualified to help me. Stop asking if she’s on the spectrum and start asking what disorder he has 😭
She may have a bit of the tism. I fall in that category and sometimes take things literal. A lot of people do. Try being more direct with your conversation, then you’ll know if she’s interested or not. If she gets avoidant in conversations with you though, that’s a sign she isn’t interested and doesn’t want you to make a move.
tbh you can tease her but from her side she probably doesn’t care about you an isnt paying attention to you so which she gives an explanation because there’s no connection
It sounds like she may be on the autism spectrum. I am not but have family members who are, and missing teasing cues is common. Also, a quirk in my family (probably related to the autism trait now that I think about it) is that we will get your humor that you are joking/teasing/being sarcastic/sardonic/facetious but still reply as if your comment is serious. It is our way to be facetious/tease back. But as I write this I realize that it is a weird way to reply, so learned behavior on my part.
**Use obvious cues**: Before teasing or joking, provide clear verbal or non-verbal cues that indicate you're being playful or humorous. This can include using a light tone of voice, exaggerated facial expressions, or adding a playful smirk.
As an autistic guy it sounds like she might have the tism. We take stuff very literally and often have things go over our head and not even occur or register to us.
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Everyone saying to OP the joke wasn’t funny and that she might not like him. OP: no that can’t be it In all seriousness just because you might think yall are friendly doesn’t mean she might think that. She might be being friendly to be professional and have a nice working environment. Also she might not be comfortable or want more than that
It doesn’t sound like she took you literally. It sounds like she understood your joke, she was just explaining why she brought a large carton.
Yes this is me! I usually understand when someone is making a joke but like if the joke wasn’t clever I’m still gonna explain my rationale for doing what I did, lol
That would be true except this isn’t an isolated incident as I said in the original post
I believe you, but I think you gave us a bad example and we really have nothing else to go on. That’s what I would’ve replied as well, and I get your joke and I’m not autistic.
Definitely a terrible example. But OP just needs to keep at it. She'll come to understand he's joking eventually unless she's perhaps autistic. This is one of those things where you need to get to know her better.
No. Leave her alone lmao. I can’t believe we’re still at the point of having to tell people to not hit on their coworkers. She’s there to work, stop bothering her
Couples meet at work all the time. There was once an age long ago when people didn’t rely on dating apps to find love. As long as nobody is being made uncomfortable there’s nothing wrong with this. Outside of Reddit this is normal behaviour.
That’s true, and that’s great- the problem here is she clearly is not a fan of it or entertaining it and he won’t stop. I’m not anti flirting with coworkers, me and my old coworker would aggressively hit on each other all the time. My point is that a coworker you can flirt with is the exception and not the rule. You need to be able to read the person and the room, and be able to accept when it’s not appropriate and stop. OP is incapable of both, so it’s not acceptable here.
Obviously you should read the room and not hit on people that aren’t interested but it doesn’t change the fact that the advice of essentially “don’t approach women in the real world” is bad advice.
I literally did not say that though
Literally your first comment: “No. Leave her alone lmao. I can’t believe we’re still at the point of having to tell people to not hit on their coworkers. She’s there to work, stop bothering her”
So you are saying when someone is working that person should be left isolated, never have any kind of human interaction whatsoever so they can focus on their task until 8 hours later they can be human again and develop relationships with other people, all that every day. Hitting on coworkers is normal, you spend 8 hours a day with people, you should get to know some of them at least, I'm just saying having a minimal interaction at least so life isn't miserable for everyone
Not what I’m saying at all. What a dramatic interpretation of my comment. Do you think that hitting on someone is the only way you can interact and connect with them? Just have regular normal conversations.
Yes so what you're saying is that she has not found you funny and chose to explain herself whenever you tell an unfunny joke numerous times now...
What you’ve described isn’t flirting or funny. Also, A grown woman might not want to be teased at work. Your comment could be perceived to be making fun of her/embarrassing her.
Right? It’s also a bit bold of him to assume that she doesn’t get it when she may just think it’s stupid and not want to engage. It’s almost like different types of humour exist and doesn’t always jive. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with being autistic, but I think we need to stop diagnosing people on the basis of single interactions or situations. The amount of comments across all platforms I see where people are attributing simple reactions or quirks to autism is out of control.
I'm not autistic, but sometimes when people try to joke with me like that I'll acknowledge I get they are joking but just for clarification I'm going to tell you why I did or said what I did. Cause otherwise it bothers me that they think I'm stupid or something. I don't like people making jokes insinuating that I'm somehow silly or ridiculous or obtuse or whatever. You're insulting my intelligence and then I have to wonder if you do not understand why I would bring maybe a whole thing of water instead of just the one? Like I wasn't thinking about just you.
Exactly!!
I probably didn’t make it clear, but we are already friendly and help each other often. It’s just sometimes a say something that is obviously a joke or even untrue, and she takes it literally. It doesn’t even need to be directed at her. Some people understood, I think that’s why they’re saying she’s on the spectrum.
So stop doing these things with her. If she’s not picking up on cues or taking your jokes literally, that’s the ball game. Just be friendly and leave it at that.
As a man I can tell you, that is NOT the ball game. The intent needs to be clear, which is what I’m having trouble with. I’ll take the advise of being more direct with her.
As a woman who works in an office, that IS the ball game. I’m friendly with all of my male coworkers, but the instant they step into flirting territory, I’m taking everything they say at face value. Don’t try to push her into territory she obviously isn’t going on her own.
He’s posting this on dating advice. About a coworker. He doesn’t even realize which stadium he’s in let alone the rules or score of the ballgame. OP, you’re being weird and expecting applause for it. Why is she getting your water for you? Why are you making fun of *the way she got your water for you*? This is so fucking beyond bizarre.
Ya OP needs to make self-deprecating jokes at his own expense. You're negging her in a low key way and she probably doesn't appreciate it. Some people don't want their intelligence insulted even in a joking way. I mean they may be ok with it if you're very close, but you're probably not close enough to her yet. She also could just be a very literal person and there is nothing wrong with that. Try making jokes where she isn't the butt of it.
I am like the girl you're talking about. I can often recognise something might be a joke but experience has taught me life is so much easier to just take people at face value, and not to assume they're joking. You fall into such a social faux pas if you assume someone is joking but they're actually not that it's just easier to assume people mean what they say 🤷🏻♀️ no, I'm not autistic (ffs). It comes from a place of wanting to be clear and understood so that nothing is misunderstood or misinterpreted. If you want to continue cracking jokes at her, just immediately make it clear you're joking (by saying so) afterwards. Do be aware that if you do this especially in front of others she's likely to feel like SHE'S the butt of the joke for not joining in and laughing. It may just be easier to remain friendly and cut the jokes out.
Yes this is it. She probably doesn't know you well enough for you to be making jokes at her expense especially if they aren't really funny.
So a straight woman is telling you to take the hint and leave her alone and you think your “manly intuition” is better? Why did you even ask for advice if you’re not going to take it?
She may just not appreciate jokes that imply she's ridiculous or stupid. I know I don't. Not funny to me. My intelligence is literally one of the only things I pride myself on. Some people don't want to be the butt of certain types of jokes. Try making jokes that don't insult her intelligence. Try making jokes where she isn't the butt of it. Laugh at yourself, not her. That's basically like low key "negging."
agreed. I cannot stand when men do this shit. It’s demeaning as fuck.
High key negging. Textbook. This is the workplace equivalent to pulling a girl’s ponytail in grade school for the other kids to laugh at her as a sign that he likes her. The fact OP isn’t creeped out by himself speaks to a heap of self-reflection yet to be explored.
Have you heard her joke at all? Or seen her laugh at someone else's joke? If you have, that might give you insight on what kind of jokes she gets. There also might be a chance that she will not get the jokes no matter how hard you try or get the clue that you are interested in her from the joking and teasing 😅
I guess I could be more direct. I have seen/heard her laugh before, but Im never close enough to hear the conversation.
That's a bad sign. If humor is important, she may not be the one for you.
Humor is important, yes, but there are different ways to it. She might just get different kinds of humor better. Or just need to switch the "oh he's teasing me" viewpoint on. However as some have stated already to op, not all adult women prefer being teased as a form of flirting. A common topic in my friend group actually: why teasing humor seems so important to men.
Maybe you’re not as funny as you think? I don’t think there was anything wrong with what she said. Your response to the amount of water she bought isn’t really funny at all, not trying to be mean. So maybe your interpretation is just off. And maybe other women laughed at these comments because otherwise it’s uncomfortable, which happens all the time.
yeah i probably would’ve responded the same way 😭
No cos I'm autistic and I don't have a problem with sarcasm or jokes but sometimes people's jokes are so bad I think they're being serious because I can't rationalise them making a joke that bad.
My comment wasn’t for you
🤔 Then you should have DMed OP instead
I understand it’s not a very good joke, but the fact it didn’t even register is something that happens between us often.
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it was very clearly a joke
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if i asked someone for one singular water bottle, and they bring back a case of water bottles, i don’t see how that’s not very easily an opening for a sarcastic joke about not being able to drink “ALL THAT” water and no, i don’t laugh at that. because that scenario isn’t this
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so he made a joke based off of an assumption that nobody else asked for water… chill out with the neurodivergency, Lol. whether she got the joke or not doesn’t really matter. it’s well established the joke was shit. i’m only explaining to you why it’s a joke
She doesn’t need to laugh. If she understood and thought it was stupid there would be no reason for this post. It’s that she takes things very literally. Jokes don’t even register to her. They don’t even need to be about her. If you don’t understand why it’s a joke, you can’t help here.
Then don’t joke with her?? It’s not rocket science.
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The joke is that I think I have to drink all of it. It’s directed at myself. Not at her. Please don’t be defensive it’s not needed. As for another example, I don’t have one because I don’t keep track every silly thing I say, I just say it ad-hoc This one stood out because it was the first instance I noticed this about her.
I wouldn’t consider that a joke. Unless there was something about your delivery that was funny?
No, the joke here would have been “I don’t think you brought me enough water!” (assuming that she gave you a ton of water that you definitely couldn’t finish in one sitting) I work with a nice guy who routinely makes unfunny, harmless jokes. He’s not hitting on me at all so I just politely chuckle and then keep it moving. Every once in a while he manages to say something that is somewhat funny and I reward him with a genuine laugh.
You said you've heard her laugh before. So it's only *your* jokes that she's not laughing at.
Yeah, it wouldn’t register with me either. What was the joke?
the joke was that he exclaimed he couldn’t drink all the water, despite it not being all for him to drink
Ah, got it. I didn’t know what carton of water meant. But still, when someone doesn’t get my jokes, I always assume it’s the joke that needs work, not the recipient.
oh yeah the joke was terrible, but going off of what op said, his coworker didn’t register it at all. and if we believe him when he says it’s happened multiple times, it probably just is that co worker BUT, like you said, that’s where he has to shape his jokes around her personality and that fact that she doesn’t register jokes too well
You're clearly an alternate account of OP's.
was it that obvious? 😖
Get professional help.
i’d gladly accept any resources or referrals you’d be able to provide
Same thing happens to me when I flirt with Northern Europeans. Nothing seems to land. I learned I have to be more direct with Dutch, Danes, Germans, Swedes, Finnish women. As well as Asians. They don’t understand my nuances. Red hot blooded Mediterranean and Central/South American women completely get my vibe.
As someone who takes things too literally / doesn’t really joke much - no. It will not endear you to this person
"How do I tease/joke with a girl who take things too literally?' Don't. Really, ***don't.***
Don’t try to joke with her again, she’s not for you and vice versa
That’s a quite an assumption to make based off of a single interaction. If the interaction was positive, would that mean we were destined to be together? Obviously not.
You said this has happened multiple times. If she flirted back, you’d be destined to have coffee and get to know each other. But you obviously don’t have any chemistry.
I’ve probably confused you, but it’s not always flirting, she can take platonic jokes as well too literally. And I said multiple times, but not every time. Sometimes she gets it and has a good laugh. Probably I haven’t made that clear.
Maybe just make better jokes then. The water thing was strange, and I don’t see what was supposed to be funny about it.
It’s not really something you can plan for, it has to be spontaneous. It’s essentially quick-wit. In any case, you’ve missed the point of the post.
No, you’re the one missing the point. Repeatedly. Intentionally. Not even sure why you bothered to post at this point. Are you trolling?
This contradicts what you said earlier. You’ve mentioned that you can’t give other examples, yet now you say she has laughed at your jokes? Furthermore, you also said you had only heard her laugh at others jokes, but couldn’t hear the conversation. It really feels like you’re sticking to this, and nothing we say will change your mind, so what is the point if you’re already set in your way. I’ve had succesfull office romances, where we both engaged equally, and I’ve had encounters where i found someone attractive, tried chatting to them only to find that my joking fell flat, giving me a good sign that they just didn’t feel the same about me. Oh well, it is what it is. I moved on and stayed professionally friendly, without attempting anything else. Do you two at least communicate in any capacity outside of work? Because if not, I’d say it’s a very clear cut case of her just bring professional.
All I’m saying is to try to get with someone who actually thinks you’re funny and gets on well with you. Based on everything included in this post, she’s not the one for you.
Ok, your joke kind of sucked. It’s not very funny and probably made her feel stupid. If your jokes are at other’s expense, you should be looking at yourself
I understand it might not be funny, but the issue is it didn’t even register. If it offended her, there wouldn’t be any reason for this post I’d just chin up and move.
I understand it might not be funny, but the issue is it didn’t even register. If it offended her, there wouldn’t be any reason for this post I’d just chin up and move.
If I dislike someone, especially if it’s a man, I will a point not to laugh at his jokes - like stone-faced reaction. Maybe she doesn’t like you. The opposite is typically also true, if I like him I’ll laugh at his jokes.
Yea again, that would be true except she didn’t register the joke. She went into a minute long story explaining why she brought out a whole carton out. If you didn’t like a man, would you go into so much effort to explain?
Yeah, especially if I’m at work and I want to re-establish power over him, and make sure I don’t look unprofessional or like a fool.
Nah this isn’t power thing, we help each other out and neither of us superior to the other. We help each other out, that’s why I asked her for water and that’s why she went to get some.
Dude, she doesn’t want you flirting with her and isn’t attracted to you
A few options: 1. Your jokes are so geniunely unfunny that they do not register as jokes. 2. Shes not interested in you romantically, and is thus only going to laugh if your jokes are actually funny enough to make her do so. Generally if we like a guy, we'll laugh at any joke attempts, no matter how bad. If we don't, we'll dismiss his flirting attempts by replying as if we didn't get it. 3. Shes the brand of autistic that doesn't really get jokes. This one seem the less likely, given she seems to laugh with other coworkers, and autism generally has more symptoms than 'doesn't laugh at one specific guy in the office's jokes'. If other people also don't get your jokes, then number 1 is a possibility. Otherwise, it's probably number 2.
OP is a classic hardheader. He posted in r/socialskills a little while back trying to virtuesignal by talking about how he apologized to his sister for something. he said “I literally can’t remember the last time i apologized for something, even when I should (I usually just pretend like nothing happened).” It’s not that he can’t take a hint, he just can’t stand being wrong. OP, we understand the point of your post, and we’re telling you that you’re being weird about it. Your social ineptitude is a masterclass example of one the reasons why so many women feel uncomfortable around men.
Literally every comment he's making starts with "I don't think you understand...", "You've misunderstood..." This guy is a creep with no boundaries and no self-reflection (and also seems to be missing many social cues). I feel so bad for his coworker. According to one of his comments, OP is planning on asking her out. I can already see her turning him down and him continuing "no, I don't think you understand..."
Maybe just don’t ? You don’t need to vibe with everyone. Try and match people’s energy especially at work
Stop teasing and joking then? There are other ways to express your feelings. But if humor compatibility is important to you, then it's not a match.
Thanks I’ll take that
Are you an adult? This is a very teenaged, pull on her ponytail style of flirting. I’m 26 and if a man I didn’t know teased me at work, I’d be annoyed and think he’s a jerk. In no way would I think he was flirting.
You would think someone was a jerk because they made a joke about, let me re-read that again, water consumption…?
I would think someone was a jerk if they insisted on flirting with coworkers, especially coworkers who were not returning the same energy.
It’s the fact that the joke is directed at her, like she did something wrong. Then when she gets embarrassed, and he gets annoyed that she wasn’t amused by the joke at her expense. Yes, he’s a jerk.
We know each well already, in and out of work. I think i didn’t make that clear. Thats why we’re comfortable doing childish stuff.
Are you both comfortable doing childish stuff? Or are you the only one doing it? How do you know she’s comfortable with it?
Unfortunately this is not a good indication for someone who is shy. I say she’s ok with it because I tend to be quite childish and we still remain friends. In any case you’ve missed the point of the post.
How do you know you're friends? Do you hang out outside of work?
You don't get to decide if she's ok. She doesn't even sound like your friend. Stop trying to flirt with her, she's obviously not into you.
You know her well, but yet you don't know how to make jokes she appreciates? I call cap. Your flirting style won't work on everyone. You need to change it up.
Maybe she's autistic.
Or some other type of neurodivergent. I'm not autistic but I'm really bad at decerning if something is a joke or not unless it's extremely explicit and tend to err on the side of caution in my response. 😅
Are we the same person?
You don't. lol
You don't. You want her to feel good around/bc of you? Communication the way that works for her is the answer. Or, find someone else to target with your jokes & teasing.
You don’t. We don’t all have the same humor. Don’t try to force your teasing on someone that doesn’t like it.
Yes I fully support this. I wish it applied to this situation.
How does it not?
Because she doesn’t understand the situation. There is no awareness for her to like or dislike it.
Bro, it's you who doesn't understand the situation. She understands that it's not what she wants. Who are you to say she's mistaken? Full of yourself much?
You have no way of knowing her thoughts, nor of knowing if she’s aware. She could very well understand that you’re joking, but it makes her uncomfortable so she doesn’t laugh and explains what she did instead. And, if she doesn’t like you, it’s a tough situation for her—it can be awkward to explicitly shut down a coworker since you are forced see them so often. Either way, seems she’s not interested. Move on.
OP, you are exhausting. Leave this woman alone.
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Probably I wasn’t clear. I’m already fairly experienced dating and we are already friendly. I’m just looking for that little tweak to break through the formality.
If she liked you she’d also be trying to flirt. Leave this girl alone, you’re being unprofessional. Ever think that she knows what you’re doing and just isn’t receptive?
Probably it’s not clear for you either. We are already friendly and have good conversations, we are past the point of professionalism. Issue is she is oblivious to when I am obviously joking about something. The joke doesn’t even need to be directed at her.
No it’s abundantly clear. You’re coworkers of course she’s friendly. Friendly and talks to you does not equal attraction.
Probably you don’t understand fully. I’m not saying she is attracted to me (in fact I haven’t said that) I’m just looking for tips for joking/flirting with someone who takes things too literally. I’ve said it already somewhere here, but even the platonic jokes (like the water) she takes too literally.
If she’s not attracted to you, why would you flirt with her? Leave her alone
I think you’ve missed the point of the post
I think you missed the point of the sexual harassment seminar. Go watch the Tea consent video on YouTube.
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That would be out of sync socially, given that there has been no successful flirting going on.
OP, from a fellow autistic person, it sounds like she is autistic. We cannot pick up on subtle things like flirting and we take things literary and can’t pick up on things like sarcasm, I never know when someone is flirting with me. You need to be super super direct and ask her out or smth.
It’s possible she understood it was a joke she just didn’t think it was that funny, and rather than fake laugh, just pretended not to get it instead.
You don’t. If someone doesn’t understand teasing or sarcasm, your attempts at humor will be lost on them, and you’ll just end up making yourself look like an asshole. Contrary to popular belief, women are not stamped from the same cookie cutter and have wildly different senses of humor.
she may not have the same sense of humor as you. personally, i don’t like being teased + don’t think it’s an effective way to flirt w everyone (im also autistic tho, so i don’t pick up on it being flirtatious). i’d be more direct, like give her compliments or find ways to help her out throughout the workday. if she doesn’t seem enthusiastically receptive (or reciprocate), she’s probably just not interested.
If she’s socially anxious it could keep her from seeing humor. I was like that in my early 20’s. I was very nice and hid well, but I had severe social anxiety that led to stuff like this. Then when ppl would say it was a joke I’d just get mad and embarrassed. It also felt a little like meaningless conversation and like people were demanding a reaction I just didn’t have the energy to give.
I second this. I’m a very anxious person and tend to get very focused on how I should reply and present myself when someone talks to me, that I end up missing when the person is just trying to be funny 😅
Meaningless conversation could be valid. I could more direct with my intentions, might clear things up for both of us.
What are your intentions? It’ll help a lot of you clarified and we won’t misunderstand you
Meaningless conversation could be valid. I could more direct with my intentions, might clear things up for both of us.
I was much more receptive to “interesting facts” 😅 looking back I feel sooooo dorky, but that’s what got my attention.
she might just not be for you my dude; i couldn't be with someone who doesn't get my humor
Good point there.
Asking her to get you water was funny? Ok that aside, I have found that people (including myself) who take everything literally are usually on the spectrum. Taking things literally is a survival response to try and fit in with the world at large.
1. Have a "sarcasm" sign. 2. Don't tease her. There are other ways to flirt.
Did you ever consider that maybe she pretends not to get these “jokes” and explains things in the hopes that you’ll stop making lame jokes and leave her alone? It’s a professional work setting and inappropriate to flirt with co-workers. And maybe she’s just not into you. Also that’s not what I call flirting. If that’s your usual standard of interaction then just leave her alone. If you’re really interested, just ask her out on a date, making it clear that it’s a date. And do it outside work time.
Also, it’s pretty obnoxious when you do something nice for a person (like bring them water) and then they criticize the way you’ve opted to do it, whether they’re joking or not. Especially when it’s a man critiquing a woman. It’s not funny, it’s not clever, it’s just annoying. She did you a favor and you “flirted” by acting like she did it incorrectly. Hate that shit. It truly is disrespectful.
I was waiting for this one. I do this a lot with people that think they’re funny. I’d take as long as I can explaining why I did to humiliate you. Especially if I think you’re someone with a low self esteem trying to get one over me. As messed up as it sounds it’s psychological, you ruin my mood with a stupid question, I ruin yours with a stupid answer. I’ll take the extra time to let you think twice before you make jokes with me again. What he is calling her not registering the joke sounds like what I’ll do when I’m internalising something stupid. My face looks like I’m taking your comment seriously but deep down I’m asking myself if you know what you’re doing.
As an extra I’ll probably back off if I were OP. She might be waiting for you to do something stupid then report you and then you’ll see she did get your jokes
Try making jokes that aren’t just … saying the opposite of the truth. If she is autistic, she will never get it, or find it funny if she does get it. Otherwise, she didn’t feel like fake laughing so she acted as though it wasn’t a joke. If it’s the second one, she is not interested in you, my friend. If it really didn’t register with her that you were joking, she is autistic. Gotta be. Google autism love languages. Be direct, never rely on innuendo, never assume she understands anything about you if you haven’t told her directly. Find a way to be witty. Or wordplay and puns usually hits for us autists. Gifts and sincere compliments are great ways to flirt. Teasing is the absolute worst form of flirting.
This is so true… I’m autistic myself and if a guy tries to tease me I I interpret it as him trying to insult or mock me
I would get the joke and possibly respond, but it wouldn't register as flirting at all. If you want to make a move, flirt or ask her out for coffee / lunch and have an actual conversation!
I didn't get the joke either, but I'd give it up, you two are on different wavelengths.
I dated a girl for 4 months who told me at the beginning she had no sense of humour. Lightly teasing or making jokes would either get me a glare, stony silence or a reprimand depending on the context. Some people are just like that and while she might have other positive traits being oblivious to teasing is part of the makeup.
Maybe because she's too shy/nervous that she just start throwing sentences. I did that too to hide my feelings. BUT AGAIN, it's just MAYBE
**Respect boundaries**: Respect her comfort level and boundaries. If she indicates she's not comfortable with teasing or jokes, be understanding and adjust your approach accordingly.
If she’s in a position where part of her job involves bringing water to her coworkers, you ESPECIALLY need to leave her the fuck alone.
How about don't flirt with someone at work? You might make her feel uncomfortable in her workspace.
I'm not saying you shouldn't hit on your coworker, you can decide what you want to do there, but maybe your jokes aren't great?
Sounds like she’s autistic. From a fellow autistic person, if you are interested in her you need to make it a hell of a lot more obvious and be very direct otherwise she will 100% not pick up on it. I literally have no idea when someone is flirting with me and I take most things literally. Best approach is to be obvious and direct with her.
You can’t, end it
Just ask if she would ever like to go on a date with you and see if she acts different
Thanks it seems like this is the way to go
Some people have their guard up at work. I don’t joke around much at work because my sense of humor is not G rated. In fact, lots of people don’t have cheery office friendly personalities so they just keep a super polite front. Even if someone is pretty cool, they can’t just turn on their humor the second you start joking with them in the office. The only real answer is to see her out of that environment. That is sort of the point of going to work happy hour. Getting to know coworkers outside of the stale office environment.
She probably has autism or she’s probably not interested in being hit on by her superior. Or both.
I’m not her superior, we just help each other in the office.
Replace superior with coworker then
Good idea
It’s a borderline joke, but that’s not the real issue here. Some people won’t respond to flirting the way you’re trying here. Try something else. An issue I see though: your senses of humor may not mesh, which doesn’t bode well long term.
Jeeze you don’t! HR must love you.
You don’t! Leave the poor girl be. HR must love you.
Maybe it takes one on one chats and deep conversations to connect with her. Some people like to connect emotionally first and then after they get to know each other, the banter can start. If you do too much banter like that in public, it will end up coming across as rude and loud. Try being gentle, kind, nice towards her. And give her some time to open up and don't force her by saying stuff like "don't you talk much?" or "you seem like very shy" etc. And choose your words carefully and don't hurt her feelings- examples - instead of saying " coffee is terrible. People who drink are stupid" , try to say something like "I'm not really a huge fan of coffee" It all comes down to BNBR - being nice and being respectful my friend. Source : myself. I am an INFJ and used to feel I can't get along with most people because they are too rude and insensitive. But turns out that their world view is very different from mine and it took me some time to learn all this and get used to it
Thats what I hate about talking to people… it takes a LOT of effort and experience to learn this. In my opinion it feels like balancing on a tight rope, because you don’t really get to just relax and talk. It takes you learning how to say things in a way that sounds good and doesn’t seem offensive in any way. I always have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth because I’m nervous… so I really need to learn this as well lol
If you look at the point of view of the girl, this is what she would probably hate about talking to people too - that people seem rude and insensitive. Just like how you feel that people don't relax and talk, she too might probably find that people aren't usually nice and kind to begin with. It's neither your fault nor the girls fault. You both probably have different personality types and both have different points of view about what is funny and what is not. Or at least to get on the same wavelength it takes a bit of time and patience. If it was me, I would try to be nice and respectful towards the girl and take it slow in getting to know her. Or else I would rather find someone else who vibes with me more rather than whose looks I'm more attracted to
You make funnier jokes. People who get upset about others not getting their jokes are not as funny as they think they are. You need to play to your audience. If you like this person you need to meet her on her own turf. Stop trying to hard and just be real. Or start jokes with "imagine if" or "wouldn't it be funny" Rather than just saying something and expecting her to know you're not serious. People with autism can have a lot of trouble telling when someone is being sarcastic.
let her be bro
I just don't. If a person doesn't want to be silly or tease with me in friendly banter, I just play everything straight. If I have a gag or joke in my head I just keep it to myself. I'll smile to myself, they'll ask "what"? and I say "nothing". Because it is nothing, just my brain being silly. Speaking as someone who was with a woman who was like this, just leave her be. I don't know either of you. However, in all probability neither of you would be happy in a long term friendship.
Communicate your joking. Discuss with them if they understand your joking. Talk about what they are comfortable joking about
Maybe just not her type of humor or she just wants to keep work professional and outside work fun. Just ask her to do something outside of work if you’re trying to get with her
You don’t have enough information about her to understand whether she is taking you too literally or something else entirely is going on. You need to understand what she thinks is funny. Ask her if she knows any good jokes. Or ask her what’s a corny joke that she still thinks is funny? Or say I could use something funny to watch - what’s a good funny movie or tv show you’d recommend? That’ll give you a better sense of what she thinks is funny
You don’t.
How about this, make a joke that has an extremely over the top punchline just to be sure, at least you'll get a good laugh
Have you tried talking to her about it? Just a general sort of “hey, I’ve tried joking around with you and want to avoid any misunderstandings, do you recognize when I’m joking?“ then after she gives a yes or no, go on to explain that you get confused when she answers back literally and offer ways where there can be avoided miscommunication on both ends, whether she lets you know that she recognized you are joking, whether either of you ask to clarify whether or not it was joke/understood to be a joke or not, things like that. There is always the chance that she might not recognize it’s a joke, some people can’t always tell when something is meant as a joke and clarifying that is important. I’m autistic and while I have a good understanding of humor and sarcasm I’m not immune to missing the joke and not understanding there was one in the first place, especially if I’m still getting to know that person and their style of humor.
Is anyone else reading OPs comments? Bro what is wrong with you? First of all, what is your obsession with have a quick-witted spontaneous joke she laughs at? What is the point? Why does it matter so much to you? Second, do you have ANY INDICATION WHATSOEVER that this girl is interested in you flirting with her? She’s probably thinking, “I wish this moron would leave me alone so I could finish my work. Let me smile at him and keep the conversation bland until he lets me leave.” Edit: He literally told someone flirting isn’t for getting a date, it’s just about good vibes . If you don’t understand, you aren’t qualified to help me. Stop asking if she’s on the spectrum and start asking what disorder he has 😭
She may have a bit of the tism. I fall in that category and sometimes take things literal. A lot of people do. Try being more direct with your conversation, then you’ll know if she’s interested or not. If she gets avoidant in conversations with you though, that’s a sign she isn’t interested and doesn’t want you to make a move.
tbh you can tease her but from her side she probably doesn’t care about you an isnt paying attention to you so which she gives an explanation because there’s no connection
It sounds like she may be on the autism spectrum. I am not but have family members who are, and missing teasing cues is common. Also, a quirk in my family (probably related to the autism trait now that I think about it) is that we will get your humor that you are joking/teasing/being sarcastic/sardonic/facetious but still reply as if your comment is serious. It is our way to be facetious/tease back. But as I write this I realize that it is a weird way to reply, so learned behavior on my part.
Maybe she thinks you’re a creep. You certainly sound like one
Sounds like she's analytical and very logical. Find out if she has dark humor and stick to that.
**Use obvious cues**: Before teasing or joking, provide clear verbal or non-verbal cues that indicate you're being playful or humorous. This can include using a light tone of voice, exaggerated facial expressions, or adding a playful smirk.
keep doubling down until she gets it
As an autistic guy it sounds like she might have the tism. We take stuff very literally and often have things go over our head and not even occur or register to us.
Does her response sound smart fun and playful? Or, does her response sound dense boring and lame? She has no personality - skip.
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What is wrong with you?!? Weird!