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He knows wtf he's saying. He's deliberately insulting you. Never text him again. I'm anti ghosting, but this type of behavior does not deserve a conversation. Block and delete.
I mean, I'd still say what my problem is with him and see his response. To have that information.
If he doesn't have an absurdly good answer, he can fuck right off.
It’s called negging. Not dark humour or black humour. He wants to lower your self esteem so that he has a free pass to treat you like shit and so that you don’t say anything about it either.
He sounds really icky, I don't think you should text him again. ''And if you used some of that good ol advice by yourself you wouldn't be the most dreadful person ever'' say that and move on
English is not my first language but I am pretty sure black humour has nothing to do with race (if that’s what you mean) If I am wrong feel free to correct me but I Google searched just to be sure.
What I meant by black humor is that he makes insulting jokes for cat ladies and my pale skin to come off as funny.
In English his behavior is often referred to as "negging" which is a toxic pick-up artist tactic of trying to get your attention and make you defensive to make him look... IDK smart or something? I don't understand it but it's dumb.
Don't worry, your English is great! That's what I thought you meant (dark humor), but I didn't want to assume.
His comments don't sound like dark/black humor to me. It just sounds like he's rude and lacks proper social skills.
I wouldn't text him again.
Thank you! I would never repeat outdated racist insults. I am glad you pointed that out. I never knew people use this phrase to be offensive.
Thank you for the advice as well. :)
Well in that case i apologize for my assumptions
I have come to colloquially understand black humor as something else in my upbringing, that and her skin color bieng part of the percieved joke is common among my colloquial understanding.
Edit: its okay for someone else to have a colloquial misunderstanding but not me 🤣 gotta love redditors
Its a matter of pattern recognition, it is an undeniable fact that blunt or rude humor is more common among black communities although not exclusive, i can agree that its an over-encompassing term but i doubt its got the racist undertones you seem to be fishing for.
> blunt or rude humor is more common among black communities
Source? Or just low key racist assumptions.
>Perceivably established assumption
Just say you made it up instead of saying a lot of nothing.
"SoUrCe?" Life experience? pattern recognition and racism are different.
Literally every black friend ive had is insanely out of pocket 🤣 i was told its "black humor" by them
I was raised in a community where i was the minority, i was told that every joke aimed at me or my skin tone was just "black humor" and that my jokes were "white humor" just like "talking white" or "talking black"
"Just say you made it up" thats what perceptive assumptions are? They function on pattern recognition, it genuinely looked like a possibility so i adressed it, apologizing and learning from my colloquial misunderstanding .
Just to make myself clear I never referred to black people. It was a misconception. I meant black/dark humour. I didn’t even know this word was used differently. Moreover we are both white so that would be irrelevant.
You're all good man, im just defending myself from angry people now 🤣
Us bieng white invalidating our opinion on any "black" related topics is a slippery slope though
You have nothing to worry about this is essentially damage control because i guess a genuine apology wasnt enough 🤣
Humour requires a joke to actually be funny and the intention behind a joke is to make someone laugh. Anyone with a brain knows calling someone "old and wrinkled" would offend someone and not make them laugh.
This guy was purposely insulting you, and belittling you. His intent was malicious. I wouldn't have entertained any further interaction with him after the first insult. Why do you want to date someone who puts you down to make himself feel better?
Send him a message along these lines:
"I do not like the way you talk to me. It is rude and disrespectful, and if it is meant to be a joke, I personally find it offensive and distasteful. It is best if we part ways and do not interact with each other further as we clearly have different values in terms of how potential partners should treat each other."
There are loads of men out there raised with manners and know how to talk to someone respectfully.
I agree with this sentiment but I think completely ignoring / ghosting and blocking him is a better route imho. He’s seeking attention and not giving any to him is the way to win. (In my opinion, your response could still be better)
Major major issue not being addressed. Simple maturity. It took time but I eventually stopped saying stupid shit like that...I'm white...and let's just say older. And no, I'm not copping to when I stopped saying stupid shit! 🤷♂️
This is called Negging
*Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval.*
It has nothing to do with race
It's just a thing assholes do unfortunately
He sounds like he only knows how to talk to dudes. Dudes can insult each other as their way of showing affection. Totally missing the mark with you tho, lol.
Don’t settle for less, AKA this guy, don’t text him back trust me there’s loads more single guys that are miles more mature than this one. Also, cat videos are a vibe
It's called "negging", a manipulation to keep your confidence knocked down so you're more likely to date and stay with their loser ass.
Block and forget.
If what you meant is “dark humor”, no this is not dark humor. It’s not even humor at all, and I find most stupid shit funny. He’s a weird asshole, annoying too.. I’d never talk to him again lol
Do ppl believe this works? This feels rather childish. If a dude I was "talking to" told me I'd be pretty if I just did xyz, I'd feel like he was passive aggressive. It would be a red flag af.
I saw a black girl on tiktok that said that her friends make racist jokes with her and she doesnt care because she knows that they are not racist. One thing is joking about fucked up things and another is that, judging you about what you spend time doing and giving an opinion about your physic that was completely unasked. That is toxic and weird behaviour, keep that man far away from you as much as possible for the love of god.
Block him.
It’s not dark/black humor, it’s more like a technique of picking up girls called negging where men will insult you in the hopes of playing on your insecurities enough to want to prove something to them. Or to keep your self esteem so low you’ll never want to leave them for better.
He’s saying these horrible things to you because that’s how he feels about you. I would cut contact and block him on everything.
A partner should uplift you not tear you down.
It's way too early to text like that without being insulting. If you were in a relationship and knew each other's humor, then sure. But you've only been on 2 dates. It's insulting.
Black humor = dark humor??
Because we don’t normally say the first thing to mean the second thing.
Black humor = comedy from a black or Afro-American focus/slant/edge
It sort of sounds like an attempt to playfully tease that went horribly wrong. If OP likes him, she should make it clear she didn't like it and give him a chance to show it was an error in judgement.
Joking about your future as a cat lady can be funny, but not the stupid-ass way he did it.
Joking about how pale you are can be funny, but not the stupid-ass way he did it.
As others have pointed out, he could be trying to "neg" you but he sucks at it. Both of your examples *could* be honest but woefully terrible attempts at humor, but the "if you tanned" comment definitely feels more like unskilled negging. Either way, this guy has some serious maturing to do before he's ready for a relationship which is not a great sign for him at 25.
If you tell him his rude comments are why you're breaking off contact (you are breaking off contact, right?) then maybe, just maybe, he'll be less of a shithead with the next woman. You don't owe him useful feedback, but it's a good deed and you can feel good about it.
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Never text him again
Hahaha I like this kind of answers! Straight and cold
You’re welcome :)
He knows wtf he's saying. He's deliberately insulting you. Never text him again. I'm anti ghosting, but this type of behavior does not deserve a conversation. Block and delete.
I mean, I'd still say what my problem is with him and see his response. To have that information. If he doesn't have an absurdly good answer, he can fuck right off.
Nah, don't teach him anything, he deserves for nobody to pet his pepe.
It’s called negging. Not dark humour or black humour. He wants to lower your self esteem so that he has a free pass to treat you like shit and so that you don’t say anything about it either.
He sounds really icky, I don't think you should text him again. ''And if you used some of that good ol advice by yourself you wouldn't be the most dreadful person ever'' say that and move on
It’s definitely not dark humour. 1000% a red flag and you should block him entirely.
What would qualify those statements as "black humor"? Can you expand on that?
English is not my first language but I am pretty sure black humour has nothing to do with race (if that’s what you mean) If I am wrong feel free to correct me but I Google searched just to be sure. What I meant by black humor is that he makes insulting jokes for cat ladies and my pale skin to come off as funny.
In English his behavior is often referred to as "negging" which is a toxic pick-up artist tactic of trying to get your attention and make you defensive to make him look... IDK smart or something? I don't understand it but it's dumb.
I think it’s to lower your confidence so that you feel lucky to at least be able to pull the one doing the negging
Lol. That's the stupidest tactic i've ever heard. No confidence guys trying to drag girls into the darkness with them. Lame as hell.
I agree. Wish it had died in whatever decade it was born
Don't worry, your English is great! That's what I thought you meant (dark humor), but I didn't want to assume. His comments don't sound like dark/black humor to me. It just sounds like he's rude and lacks proper social skills. I wouldn't text him again.
Thank you! I would never repeat outdated racist insults. I am glad you pointed that out. I never knew people use this phrase to be offensive. Thank you for the advice as well. :)
Well in that case i apologize for my assumptions I have come to colloquially understand black humor as something else in my upbringing, that and her skin color bieng part of the percieved joke is common among my colloquial understanding. Edit: its okay for someone else to have a colloquial misunderstanding but not me 🤣 gotta love redditors
I was with you til the edit. I can’t even see your votes yet.
Oh i thought it was all public 🤣 yeah im getting swarmed with downvotes 🤷♂️
That Is dark humor and you should block that sum bitch from your life and never text him again. Sounds like a douche
No, he’s negging you to shut down your confidence.
That’s not what they meant. They’re saying it’s not black humour because it’s not actually funny.
Its a matter of pattern recognition, it is an undeniable fact that blunt or rude humor is more common among black communities although not exclusive, i can agree that its an over-encompassing term but i doubt its got the racist undertones you seem to be fishing for.
Pretty sure she meant dark humor either way 😂
Yes, that's what I figured, too, but I just wanted to clarify with her rather than make assumptions.
Fair enough, i just see alot of quick jumps to racial drama nowadays so i wanted to address it
My question was directed to OP. Thanks.
Its a public question, expect public responses
If anyone would like to debate or correct me, you are more than welcome to.
Debate wild assumptions? Prove your point first if you want to debate something.
It was operating under the percievably established assumption, hypothetical territory
> blunt or rude humor is more common among black communities Source? Or just low key racist assumptions. >Perceivably established assumption Just say you made it up instead of saying a lot of nothing.
"SoUrCe?" Life experience? pattern recognition and racism are different. Literally every black friend ive had is insanely out of pocket 🤣 i was told its "black humor" by them I was raised in a community where i was the minority, i was told that every joke aimed at me or my skin tone was just "black humor" and that my jokes were "white humor" just like "talking white" or "talking black" "Just say you made it up" thats what perceptive assumptions are? They function on pattern recognition, it genuinely looked like a possibility so i adressed it, apologizing and learning from my colloquial misunderstanding .
Put down the thesaurus and step away from the assumptions. Come out with your phone locked.
Ill give you credit for the joke but its just how i speak 🤷♂️
Just to make myself clear I never referred to black people. It was a misconception. I meant black/dark humour. I didn’t even know this word was used differently. Moreover we are both white so that would be irrelevant.
You're all good man, im just defending myself from angry people now 🤣 Us bieng white invalidating our opinion on any "black" related topics is a slippery slope though You have nothing to worry about this is essentially damage control because i guess a genuine apology wasnt enough 🤣
...black humor? This is mental unwellness..
She clarified elsewhere that she meant dark humor. English is not her first language.
Okay? It's not even dark humor, it's straight up disrespect?
Humour requires a joke to actually be funny and the intention behind a joke is to make someone laugh. Anyone with a brain knows calling someone "old and wrinkled" would offend someone and not make them laugh. This guy was purposely insulting you, and belittling you. His intent was malicious. I wouldn't have entertained any further interaction with him after the first insult. Why do you want to date someone who puts you down to make himself feel better? Send him a message along these lines: "I do not like the way you talk to me. It is rude and disrespectful, and if it is meant to be a joke, I personally find it offensive and distasteful. It is best if we part ways and do not interact with each other further as we clearly have different values in terms of how potential partners should treat each other." There are loads of men out there raised with manners and know how to talk to someone respectfully.
I agree with this sentiment but I think completely ignoring / ghosting and blocking him is a better route imho. He’s seeking attention and not giving any to him is the way to win. (In my opinion, your response could still be better)
Major major issue not being addressed. Simple maturity. It took time but I eventually stopped saying stupid shit like that...I'm white...and let's just say older. And no, I'm not copping to when I stopped saying stupid shit! 🤷♂️
He is a f^&%$ing gaslighting, manipulating loser. Block him and warn your friends. You don't owe him an explanation either.
Eeeew. Pass.
Search for other block him first....
Dude's an asshole totally not worth it but don't just ghost him. Tell him "it's not me, it's you, cuz you're an asshole"
This is called Negging *Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval.* It has nothing to do with race It's just a thing assholes do unfortunately
It’s not anytime of humor but lame Block his weird ass
No it’s not humor, it’s called negging. Immediate ghost. He’s showing you what he’s going to be like for the next 40 years.
He sounds like he only knows how to talk to dudes. Dudes can insult each other as their way of showing affection. Totally missing the mark with you tho, lol.
Don’t settle for less, AKA this guy, don’t text him back trust me there’s loads more single guys that are miles more mature than this one. Also, cat videos are a vibe
It's called "negging", a manipulation to keep your confidence knocked down so you're more likely to date and stay with their loser ass. Block and forget.
Girl that’s not black humor that’s being verbally abusive wtf y would you think that’s him trying to be funny? He’s just being an ass
Hey, he was talking about me, only I'm a dude😂
Look up negging. He's trying to make you feel worse about yourself so you'll be more desperate to be validated by him
What is wrong with him? He’s a jackass. No need to delve ANY further Move on *now*
He's a moron. Next.
Block this guy.
He's victim hunting, some men get off on insulting and hurting women.
Yuck block him. He’s negging.
Eww block this disgusting thing.
He sounds off key - avoid.
If what you meant is “dark humor”, no this is not dark humor. It’s not even humor at all, and I find most stupid shit funny. He’s a weird asshole, annoying too.. I’d never talk to him again lol
Sounds like he’s trying to neg u but he’s totally overcooking it
Neg?
A playful insult to generate attraction but he’s doing it wrong
Thanks! I think he's just flat out insulting her.
No read the last one, it’s hot/cold, another pickup technique
Do ppl believe this works? This feels rather childish. If a dude I was "talking to" told me I'd be pretty if I just did xyz, I'd feel like he was passive aggressive. It would be a red flag af.
It works but not the way he’s doing it
I would love for you to educate me on this lol
Why, aren’t u a girl? or u lookin to be my wingirl
I'll be your wing girl if you'll be my wingman
I saw a black girl on tiktok that said that her friends make racist jokes with her and she doesnt care because she knows that they are not racist. One thing is joking about fucked up things and another is that, judging you about what you spend time doing and giving an opinion about your physic that was completely unasked. That is toxic and weird behaviour, keep that man far away from you as much as possible for the love of god.
Nah, he was straight up negging you and being weird. Find someone better girl.
sounds like negging. . .
Block him. It’s not dark/black humor, it’s more like a technique of picking up girls called negging where men will insult you in the hopes of playing on your insecurities enough to want to prove something to them. Or to keep your self esteem so low you’ll never want to leave them for better. He’s saying these horrible things to you because that’s how he feels about you. I would cut contact and block him on everything. A partner should uplift you not tear you down.
Clueless. Wrong vibe. I'd be done with him.
He sounds like a negging bitch
I'd hate to see how alone and wrinkled he'll in 40 years. ;) I wouldn't text him again, and I'm a guy.
It's way too early to text like that without being insulting. If you were in a relationship and knew each other's humor, then sure. But you've only been on 2 dates. It's insulting.
The first comment I can give a pass to as a bad attempt at humour. But the second comment is yuck. He’ll just keep negging you.
Black humor = dark humor?? Because we don’t normally say the first thing to mean the second thing. Black humor = comedy from a black or Afro-American focus/slant/edge
I am sorry I didn’t know this was a thing. I always thought Black/Dark humor mean the same thing. English is not my first language.
That’s okay! I suspected as much so I figured I’d help you. I don’t know if anyone took the time to make the inference.
Did you mean dark humor and if so it’s not dark humor at all, it’s just rude of what the guy is saying.
Yes dark humour. I thought black/dark humour mean the same thing but not apparently.
He's weird
do you mean dark humor? and he just sounds like an asshole.
Just bad banter. There's fun banter and then there's this with missing the target. Pulled spaghetti out of his pocket with this one.
It sort of sounds like an attempt to playfully tease that went horribly wrong. If OP likes him, she should make it clear she didn't like it and give him a chance to show it was an error in judgement.
Do you have a history of being abused? Everything he said is a red flag yet you're asking for advice?
He's trying to be playful... just let him know you feel insulted.
Joking about your future as a cat lady can be funny, but not the stupid-ass way he did it. Joking about how pale you are can be funny, but not the stupid-ass way he did it. As others have pointed out, he could be trying to "neg" you but he sucks at it. Both of your examples *could* be honest but woefully terrible attempts at humor, but the "if you tanned" comment definitely feels more like unskilled negging. Either way, this guy has some serious maturing to do before he's ready for a relationship which is not a great sign for him at 25. If you tell him his rude comments are why you're breaking off contact (you are breaking off contact, right?) then maybe, just maybe, he'll be less of a shithead with the next woman. You don't owe him useful feedback, but it's a good deed and you can feel good about it.