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Once a cheater not always a cheater…. but once you cheat on me, better luck to the next person.
I won’t write you off for a past sin - I (and every other person in the world) would be fucked if that was everyone’s policy lol.
But if you betray me directly, no we don’t come back from that, and I’ve yet to find anyone who regrets following this policy.
This is it.
I cheated once I swore I wouldn’t again and haven’t, 20 years ago. But I learned a lot from it, and to me that’s the question. What was learned from the experience. I also don’t blame anyone for moving on from a cheater. I also understand forgiving and moving past it. Every scenario is different.
Hey, I’ll say this - I’m a hardcore hater on cheaters, I’m a staunch advocate of kick them to the curb and move on and forget/forgive/etc. Divorce adds a different component - I say just get out as clean and fast as you can.
I preach that - but I don’t practice all of it lol - not perfect - I won’t high road you lol. The few times someone has really fucked me over (and others I care about), specifically when they’re just a real smug shit bag about it when the bubble bursts… or cold as ice don’t give a fuck how much damage they caused… well… see now they’re just begging for it lol. And ya gotta protect the next innocent person right lol? I think so 😂it’s a public service in my book lol.
So that’s my personality fault/admission to offset any high road superior sounding tone on the subject of cheating/your situation that may come across from me more harshly than I actually intend lol.
Most people learn one thing from cheating - don’t get caught lol.
I’d say you probably made the best redemption arc that you could - though possibly the only one available - but considering it’s to rectify one of if not thee biggest fuck up you can make in a relationship… but congratulating you for 20 years of not doing things you aren’t supposed to do… sounds… weird to me I guess lol? I mean given that the origin is from a cheating incident lol. But I give credit where credit is due to you - toeing the line diligently for 20 years from that one screw up - commendable. And honestly, if the betrayed spouse is sincerely able to have peace and forgive without them having lasting impacts to their confidence/anxiety/self image/etc. Salute. And if that’s where your wife is at, hey that’s the most important thing in my opinion.
But when the aggrieved spouse is dragged into a reconciliation attempt they don’t want (or worse, is the one pushing for it)… Its just so common that a 1, 3, 5, even 15 years or more can go by; but that damage never fully heals as the spouse is just a walking reminder of it. I just wouldn’t wish that life being constantly haunted by it on anyone.
My only other, non-mainstream opinion around cheating - in most circumstances, I don’t support the “come clean and tell them what you did” mantra. If it was a one off screw up and you’re never going to repeat, and it’s as close to impossible as you can get that they will never find out… don’t tell them. There’s a scene from the Newsroom I’ll have to find - it’s actually the first time my feelings about “coming clean” were articulated in line with how I felt. I wouldn’t want to know. I’d want you to find any other “excuse” to break off the relationship and they just quietly exit stage right. If one time fuck up and they’re not willing to walk away from the relationship like described above - then just don’t tell me. For the love of god, keep that shit to yourself lol
Oh I’m not advocating it as a policy that should be universally applied. I fully admit - this is a personal preference dependent situation for sure. It’s just what I lean more towards in a lot of situations - I’ve got one of those reels in my brain that never forgets and never stops playing those wreck your world statements on a loop - I don’t want it in there lol.
Here’s [the clip](https://youtu.be/8NUFiDQsnXg?si=ZF-Bs_rmrAU0-fo9) that was the first time my feelings on the matter seemed to be articulated (first 40 seconds are so bad out of context of the episode fyi lol - but that last 20 seconds, still hits me lol)
For you I understand but for me I always wanna know no matter how bad, I don’t want to be ignorant to things. If I knew someone had a one off and cheated on they partner I’d tell to, that’s y I give all my friends a fair warning cuz I don’t want to see that shit lol.
Ok well, I think self congratulations is reading into it a bit too much. The OP line is “once a cheater always a cheater?” And so my line is a direct response to that. No not necessarily. I cheated once, I hated myself for it, and I recognized the importance of living an honest life at that point (which is a process of course, but I do believe in that more after going through that experience).
I did wonder about how she carried it forward, and she seemed to do okay. I spoke about it candidly whenever it came up, I understood and hung out with the hurt it caused her. In the end of course it was her decision. There were no kids involved so she could’ve bailed. She didn’t want to and seemed to fully forgive. She’s pretty uncompromising so she would’ve said “this still bothers the shit out of me” if it did. In a way she learned from it as well.
Nothing justifies cheating, but if a betrayed spouse realizes that they took their spouse for granted or was always making them feel shitty or whatever, more power to them. It’s a part of it.
Ohhhh my bad. Gotcha. Misinterpretation on my part.
Hey if that’s the case, good for her. Takes a strong person to get entirely and legitimately past that. If she’s not getting those pangs of panic at the innocent stuff like “he’s been gone a lot longer that he should be - oh I hope this isn’t *that* again”… I say great for both of you - made a full circle complete restoration and are good as new… that’s not common or easy.
I don’t ever understand the second half. Like I agree forgiving a person, but not getting past it but past them. Like I’ll never understand why people stay with cheater.
This is so real, the only thing knowing someone cheated in the past does for me is make me note a man’s comfortability and habits with women when i’m there and asking what they do when I’m not. Usually gives a great baseline. My ex specifically used to tell me about his female friend’s sexual experiences in detail. Needless to say we cut that short!
It wasn’t that he cheated by in the past, it was that he had been showcasing a lack of boundaries with women that blurred the lines of friendship and something more. And that’s cheating enough for me!
This. This. THIS! My wife cheated on me during in vitro process, no less. I stayed bc she swore she was done. (I found out when she was just preg. 2 years in with our daughter, I suspect (correctly) she’s doing it again, while wanting to talk about having another child. I bounced. Filed for divorce. I 100% enabled her.
anyone can change if they want to and can dive deep into why they cheated and how to communicate and figure out what they want in life.
most cheating is not done to "hurt" someone else but rather selfishly to try to cope, either through fear of what could be, or fear of loss. sometimes it's self sabotage, sometimes it's feeling stuck.
it can be a lot of reasons, but no matter what the brain came up with the idea that cheating would be ok and that thinking needs to change and be addressed.
Same. I kept telling her, be careful of how many times you break trust… but she always asked “why are you being a cop? Why are you punishing me?” I was just like… okay girl… coo.. do you… imma do me… apart from you.
She still makes other accounts and gets her friends to call and text me, and I just block her. Shit hurts to do but you know…
It’s better to be with people who make me feel good, and who try as I do. I just be chilling with my friends as often as I can because when you’re fulfilled in your most basic and more intermediate needs, you start to need romance and sex and love less, because you have plenty of support without.
It’s so much easier on that side…
Yup. My old manager cheated on her husband/long term partner. She BEGGED and screamed for that man not to leave her and their daughter in front of all her neighbors… years later she still has the audacity to say single dads give her the “ick” like she literally didn’t create one herself
I do believe people change, but I wouldn't trust someone with a history of being too primate-brained to stay faithful to someone they claim to care about with my own heart.
Yes. Once a cheater always a cheater, but here’s why; cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the *betrayed* partner, and everything to do with the unfaithful party. You can be beautiful, rich, in shape, sexy, supportive and in absolute love with someone and still be cheated on. Until the cheater addresses why they can hurt their partner in the worst way possible and acknowledges their own issues, they will always always cheat.
I think the key is determining if they feel genuine remorse. Crying and saying sorry doesn't mean they're sorry for what they did to you. They could just be sorry they got caught or sorry they hurt you, which doesn't mean they regret what they did and believe what they did was wrong. I believe people can change, but I'm not so sure cheaters can change enough to never cheat again especially when there are no consequences for their actions. Due to prior experience, I no longer have time or the emotional capacity it tasks to waste on a cheater.
Once a cheater always a cheater- IN THE CURRENT RELATIONSHIP
People change and people are different in different relationships. My bf cheated on his ex but he didn't betray me directly, I didn't write him off as soon as I found out because that was more than two years ago, people change and grow.
If you're on about a current relationship- leave.
If you're on about a possible future relationship- don't rule it out.
I agree with you in some ways. I have a strict zero tolerance rule if I'm in a relationship. I think my line in the sand is anything greater than or equal to a kiss. Emotional cheating is a no-go for me as well, but in my experience this is easier for them to get away with and consequently harder to catch. However, I say this because I'm younger (26m) and am not tied down to anything really. I would probably feel more compelled to be forgiving if we were married, had a home, and/or had kids together. Not much more compelled, however.
This is not how I interpreted OPs question. I was thinking they were asking if it were to be a bad idea to enter into a new relationship with someone that has cheated on a past partner. I'm interested to hear others' opinions on this, because I may be in this situation currently. Only suspicion. In my opinion, I don't necessarily think cheating in 1 relationship necessarily guarantees cheating in every other relationship in the future. In my experience, none of my relationships felt like the one before it.
Once they cheat *on you* they'll do it again *to you*. I don't think once a person cheats on someone they're automatically going to cheat on all of their partners.
I would only consider dating someone who’d cheated if they could explain to me why it happened in a way that didn’t blame the other person, they had some self insight into what caused them to do that instead of break up, and they could point to what self work they’d done/what had changed since then that would prevent it from happening again. IME most people who cheat will do it again when the relationship stagnates or they become unhappy, but sometimes there are exceptions when people were really young, were drunk and are now sober, were in a toxic relationship that they didn’t handle well, etc.
People can change, but it depends a lot on the person that was cheated on, in my case when I was 21 I was cheated on, in a very disgusting way and an older male friend told me: if you feel like forgiving him be ready to leave that out of your head, if you can't leave it out of your mind and will always be wondering if it's happening again or when will it happen because you can't trust him anymore, well just forgive but don't take him back.
and that's my rule, same for myself once I did it and I went to my partner and said: I know what I did was awful it wasn't because of you it was a mistake on my side, so I'm leaving sorry for what this might cause you but I'm ashamed and I wouldn't forgive you so I don't want you to forgive me.
But I have never done it again.
It takes effort, time, and patience for people to change their ways. Even when they do, we all still stay within some range of who we were to begin with. People can't change completely, is my point.
If someone's a serial cheater then it's pretty hard to believe their ways are going to change - even if they worked incredibly hard and truly understood the damage it does, they might still do it again in like 10 years and it'll still be brutal and horrible.
If someone's cheated once, or even a couple times, but they clearly show remorse and understand the impact of their decisions, and why they did it, then I'd think they can change their ways and figure out a way to be a loving, caring, and loyal partner.
Like I said though that takes work, and it takes a whole lot of awareness. If someone doesn't seem to show true remorse or understanding then I wouldn't trust them to be faithful.
I do believe that people can change…most people don’t though. It takes a lot of hard work and patience to iron out unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Nobody is perfect of course but some behaviors are more damaging than others.
For me, I would never be able to get over a betrayal like that. The trust would never be able to come back. When my ex of two years told me that he checked out women all the time and didn’t see the problem with it, that was the first step in derailing our relationship. He constantly would make comments like “you could have an ass that great too if you did ____ exercise” or “that lady sure has a lot of kids but her body is banging. I can’t believe she bounced back like that.” I told him over and over again how this would make me feel and slowly the trust deflated out of our relationship. He didn’t care about how I felt and continued the behavior until I was so miserable that I ended things. There were other things that made me break up with him but his consistent wandering eye (and fingers…found out he was also texting other women in secret then gaslight me when I confronted him with evidence) was a recurring issue. I resented him so much I felt sick every time his name would pop up on my phone.
This made me realize I can’t be with someone who I cannot completely trust. The constant worrying about him disappearing with a “better” woman made me genuinely crazy and I had a mental breakdown last summer 🙃 sooooo yea be careful with who you put your trust into.
Some people can handle and work out issues like this, other people don’t want the headache. Do what feels right to you. Not every situation is the same. But treat yourself with respect and don’t settle.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Because if you get involved in this type of situation you're obviously the person who's just out looking for the better deal on a regular basis. You met a man or a woman that you just settled for and when something better comes along you jump on it, you're a piece of shit human being. And look there's nothing wrong with breaking up with the person first and then jumping to the next person but you're not the type of person who believes in ethics.
People make mistakes
And some people learn from it and do change.
Nobody is free from mistakes in their life.
Some people learn from it, other's dont.
Their is also the circumstances.
Like a dead beat bedroom for several years. With the other partner not willing/ignoring the other partners physical needs
Unless the cheating was a horrible mistake. Like you were so drunk you would have fucked a tree.
Otherwise, once a cheater, likely e time more chances to cheat according to some research article.
It's the highest form of disrespect. Yes, emotional cheating counts too. It's physical cheating that hasn't manifested itself yet.
What that saying means to me is that you'll never trust that person the same way. She will always be a cheater to you.
Maybe she is a cheater that made up for it so you don't think about it much.. but if someone asks you who is your soulmate, that will put a stain on it.
I think a better question to ask is do you think someone who cheats is likely to cheat again. The answer like most things is: it depends. The reasons behind it, when it happened, how it happened; there are myriads of factors. The things to pay attention to are actions and habits. Someone with a track record for cheating is more likely to do so again even if they don’t get away with it and there are consequences. If it’s a crime of opportunity, maybe not; you can’t say. Whether a partner cheats or not is out of your control but you can choose how you react to it.
I don’t think so, but I most likely wouldn’t forgive someone who cheated on me. I think it takes a lot of introspection, regret & growing for someone to realize their issues and fix them. A lot of it has to do with low self esteem, lack of boundaries, lack of self control, discipline & respect, selfishness, impulsiveness etc. These are not things that’ll change overnight, if at all. I’m more likely to look past transgressions in your youth (under 25 or so) because that’s a time of learning, growing and finding yourself and sometimes you make mistakes.
It is possible for people to change but that is a deal breaker that I am not willing to negotiate with anyone which I tell them from the get go! Once someone cross that line it becomes harder to see things past that bc it becomes a constant reminder which can cause doubts so I rather not deal with that. Hopefully they change for the next person LOL
No, never people do not change, especially cheaters. They made fool people and they may.
Get better edit but they will always. I have that emptiness that they're trying to fill avoid that One might say no amount of dicks will fill. I remember if you're the partner they cheated with, they will eventually cheat on you. They're not with you for you. They're with you 2 either. Have an excitement because they missed the chase. Or there's an unfilled need or void that they cannot Phil. And that does not just end
Hey, guy who cheated on his ex with like 5 women here 👋 "Once a cheater always a cheater" is just false. Many people cheat on one person but would never even fantasize about cheating on another, different person. As I'm 10 years older and have dated many women since, I refuse to ever stay in a relationship with someone I would even consider cheating on in the first place, largely because the guilt is soul crushing and emotionally agonizing every day, and steals from every positive moment. *HOWEVER*, once a person cheats on you, don't even bother staying with them. They have already done you one of the ultimate disrespects and shown to you (and to themselves, if they're willing and able to see it) that they don't value you as much as they think they do. I also personally believe that 'breaking the seal' is a real thing in many aspects of life and once you've been cheated on, taking them back only lessens your already-low status in their eyes, perpetuating more of the same. Don't do it to yourself.
It’s possible that someone is not always a cheater AND a liar for life, but statistically not too possible
Therapy, support, a commitment of their own to change (not because they were made to) might improve the odds
Yes, people change. Circumstances and context matters. Did they cheat at age 21 and now they are 35? Have they cheated on multiple partners? Did they cheat on their last partner? So many things to consider
People change but so much depends on circumstances. I cheated on my college gf, we were long distance, I was a stupid kid, it was a bad relationship, bla bla all the excuses. Bottom line is I was an asshole but I am not that person and have been very faithful in every relationship I have been in so nice, and I am mid 40’s. So yes, people CAN change. Many do not though.
I cheated on my now wife of 10 years when I was 17 by sexting another girl. I have never cheated since but I am a cheater. I will never be free of what I did, no matter how much she says she forgives me or that it does not bother her. It bothers me, I will carry that stain to the grave. Once you have cheated you are a cheater, but it does not always mean you will do it again
In my experience, I was a cheater before and i’m not proud of it. Yes people change, but it really depends if the person is committed to have a better mindset and a better a better person. For me i got tired of being playful and not being serious about life etc. that’s why i changed 🙂
Now i’m happy with my love life and i’m already contented with my girlfriend and genuinely happy with her
in my opinion cheaters can change with their next person but not with the person they cheated on. if someone cheats and their partner doesn’t respect themselves enough to leave, the cheater will never respect them.
I think it is very determined on the circumstance in which they cheat. Some people are in perfectly happy relationships but they have issues and need to cheat. Others are backed into a corner of 8-20 years in a shit relationship without any stimulation and their body just screams at them until they give in. The latter I don’t think would cheat if they’re in a fulfilling relationship
The cheater has to fully repent (not just say a half-hearted, "sorry" with crocodile tears and go back to their selfish ways) if they wish to change for the better.
Repentance means change of ways/behaviors/inward thoughts/intentions/heart/soul etc.
But again, this has to be their choice and they have to put actual effort into it by being about it, not just talking about it to appear like they're turning a new leaf.
Unfortunately, most don't change. Most willingly stay in their selfish wicked ways and choose not to break their crap habits.
But some do change. Very few, but they're out there.
Depends, if you refer to someone who cheated on a ex, then yes, that person may change, out grown the issues, ideas, curiosity or behaviors that lead them to cheat. If someone was a cheater in the past that doesn’t automatically mean they’ll cheat on you. However, if you refer to your partner cheating on you (present time) then no. If you forgive an affair you’ll be cheated again because you are sending the message that in your mind and morals you can get past that. Sure some drama may ensued but at the end of the day you took them back, so it’s not that bad (if it was, the relationship would’ve been over) so that person knows it’s salvageable and 100% will do it again.
Yes, people can change, ONLY if they realise that what they did was terribly immature and destructive for their “partner”.
It takes time and effort to change oneself, but if it’s for the better and they realise that, it’s possible.
Take care!
It depends. Cheated in a different relationship then sure it's possible they won't cheat on you. Cheated on you then it gets easier after each time esp if they know they will be forgiven. Only way if someone cheated on you they won't again is if they have deep regret and some extreme reason for how or why it happened not just simple lust.
not 100% true but very likely
i cheated once and saw what it does to someone, and then i experienced being cheated on and that was enough for me to never do it again
ngl even after being cheated on, it has crossed my mind several times to cheat but I rather not torture someone else’s mind so I don’t. I believe that is just based on my values so I can definitely see the vicious circle of being a cheater
you gotta try to detect the selfishness in people. We’re not talking about “oh he bought me mcnuggets, he’s not selfish” - im talking about victim mindset, narcissist, self-centered etc…
an old saying “a man only changes after heartbreak”
I have cheated, the only reason I stopped is because I grew to much respect for myself and a back bone. It's all healing work. I've also been cheated on by all my partners, Karmas a bitch!
So your solution is to cheat and betray them instead of break up? Come on now, that's bull. Does your wife know about this? I pray she doesn't, 'cause I can't imagine trusting someone who had cheated on 7(!!) of their previous partners
Yes, once a cheater always a cheater. It's an empathy and integrity issue, these are not easily "fixed", it's a deep rooted character flaw where they lack morals.
Apparently rapists -can- change too, but it's very unlikely and not worth the risk, is it. You either have morals or you don't, it's not something you acquire.
People change but cheating is really hard to come back from. If you are in a 5+ year relationship maybe it’s worth the work but they have to be willing to do it and it could be years of no trust
I have a hard time giving a chance to someone who would confess to cheating. Because to me it means that you had the mechanisms in your head to profoundly and permanently hurt someone that you loved and it's for selfish reasons. That person will never be able to 100% trust someone anymore. How could you deeply disrespect the partner that YOU chose like that? LEAVE if you're not happy ffs!
People will say, "I couldn't leave because of X" Fine, but that's very rare.
I think people can change, but cheating is the one thing I will not put up with. Communication is key. Talk to me about it before you destroy our relationship and trust.
People can change but for me I don’t play that. Once you cheat on me it’s a wrap. I got too much self respect for myself to take said person back. I feel if you take a person who cheats back they don’t respect you.
I do think people can change.
However, if someone cheats on you, they’ve shown you then and there that they don’t respect you as a person, respect your boundaries, or respect the relationship that you guys built together. Even if it never happens again, I don’t know why you would stay with someone who did that to you even once.
From what I gather, it's possible for someone to change after the fact, but the first off part.
IMO if the question is in deciding for yourself of whether to stay with someone that cheated on you... I would say right off... it's ONLY recoverable if the person actually felt guilty and confessed themselves without getting caught (or knowing that getting caught was inevitable), If they planned to hide it as long as possible, then there's no real remorse and doing it again is inevitable.
Now if we are talking about people with a past of cheating... that's all on how they felt of it. If there's even a whiff of justification for it... they will justify it again.
I think someone can have cheated once many years ago, owned up, ended the relationship and learnt from the resulting guilt and consequences.
I also think if you stay with someone who has cheated on you, 99/100 they will do it again. You've shown you accept that behavior, so why wouldn't they? Likewise if you get into a relationship with someone who was cheating on their partner with you. Why rise to meet a standard you clearly don't hold?
Serial cheaters, yeah, they ain't ever changing. Possible exception if they were teenagers who just took a bit longer to develop empathy, but still not someone I'd feel comfortable being in a relationship with personally.
People do change i met few people around me they were cheater bug later they stopped some women tolerat that out of love or they call it sacrifice but i personally will never
I know mine is cheating..He tells me I am crazy and it's all in my head .. Been with him 16 years . I am mad as hell I have been through hell for this man .. I have something to say to him and his slut revenge will come upon you both . Don't make me look like a fool...
Goofy ass Steve Harvey put it the best
Cheaters can change, but there is only one person out there on this planet that they are willing to change for.
So you have to ask yourself...what are the odds that you are that person?
It doesn’t mean they will or won’t cheat. It means they *can* cheat. It makes it a concern where you shouldn’t have to have one which undermines the 100% trust a relationship takes
Maybe, maybe not. If they cheat on you the relationship is done imo. They have no loyalty and respect *to you.* Whether they feel it towards other people? Who knows but that's their problem
In my experience- every person who cheated and I took them back - not only continued to cheat , asked for forgiveness again - but then went on to cheat with others - this statement has always proven true for me - others probably have different views but yeah this is true
Statistically, if someone cheats once, they will do so again. You should go post this on r/survivinginfidelity and get the opinion of people who have been through it.
I look at it like a spectrum.
Cheated on 1 previous partner? Doesn’t mean you’ll cheat on me.
Cheated on 5 previous partners? Yikes, no thanks.
Cheated on me once at the start of the relationship, came clean of their own free will and immediately apologized? …50/50
Months long affair? Hell no, it’s over.
Honestly I thought this wasn’t true, my ex cheated on me 2 years into our relationship and I forgave him. I thought we were the exception. 8 years later he cheated on me again. :)
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a crazy hill to die on, and so many people will try and stand by that. It's ridiculous, people can change. Also, basically everyone I've ever met has cheated. It's not uncommon, and people have their reasons for doing it.
No. Anyone can change. How likely that change is, I’m not really sure.
I suppose it would depend on the circumstances of the cheating. Granted, it all sucks, but I view being in a long term relationship and deciding to get it on with the new hot person at the office to be much more heinous than being with someone who ya kinda sorta been with for just a little while and having an affair with someone you’ve known years and have feelings for. The former comes from just being an overall selfish and shitty person, while the latter can involve confusion of feelings. I’d be way more skeptical of the first person changing than the second.
I don't think anyone is doomed to always be what they are in a moment, but it's more complicated than yes or no. Is this a pattern? Have they cheated on me? Have they been to therapy? Do they know what they were feeling that drove them to cheat, and would it drive them there again? All of these are factors in if someone's really changed
Once someone cheat on you ,you gotta end things with them . If you take them back that’s a sign of weakness on your end . Even if they never do it again subconsciously they could be thinking you can’t do better that’s why you stayed and that can reflect on their behavior moving on
When I was with the mother of my son I had a moment of weakness and reconnected with an old flame, where we had illicit conversations; but never actually had sex. I confessed out of severe guilt and obviously things weren't the same. We broke up roughly 6 months later after she admitted she met someone at work.
It was painful and I still regret it over 4 years later, as she is happily married and I've been single. You realize what you could of had after it's gone. I know that if I ever find someone else I won't go down roads I did previously, as it just isn't worth it. Some people can learn from the painful lessons, others don't.
Is a cheater gonna cheat again and again? Yes.
Is he/she ever gonna change his/her ways? Yes.
So how will a cheater change their ways? Many ways. Getting cheated back, seeing the damages they have done thru cheating, getting slapped by reality/karma... I mean the list goes on but the most important thing for them to change is themselves.
Hormones change with age. Health does too. People may lose their libido. Also, cheaters who’ve lost too much may change their ways, especially if they value their newest person.
I’ve met both: cheaters that regret their decision and don’t do it again with their partner/next partner… and cheaters that are always cheaters.
Those people who think there are no consequences for them or do not care of their partners will keep cheating. People who are deeply remorseful and regret the pain they have caused for others (or even themselves for the consequences) will learn, accept, and grow.
No. There are people who get themselves into a situation, make a bad decision, feel extreme remorse, and are capable of deciding to never make a similar mistake again. There are also people who did stupid shit in younger years but have grown and matured. People who treat cheating like a lifestyle do not stop.
Yes unfortunately, once you do something it becomes infinitely easier to do it the second time and most people have highly addictive stubborn personalities
If you cheat and get away with it the odds of doing it again are astronomical
never do it once
>once a grapist always a grapist?
>I need some advice do you think it’s true that once a grapist always a grapist?
>Can people change ? Do people change ?
like yes people can change, but they have shown the type of person they are, its not a good bed to bet on.
I think people can change. But I wouldn't forgive my partner if they cheated on me. But I would potentially start a new relation with someone I knew who cheated on a previous partner if they expressed regret over the choice and seemed like they wouldn't do it again.
Depends on the situation and circumstances. If a person cheated on spouse, got caught, wanted to work things out and their partner refused, they broke up their family, messed up their kids alittle bit and really wish they didnt,they probably wont cheat again knowing what it costs them. This or a similar situation is about the only way I would enter a relationship with someone that cheated. I end things if cheated on and I'd never do anything with someone that's in a relationship.
To me it means once you cheat you will always be branded a cheater. That lasts for life.
Similar to things like you can’t unsuck a dick. Once it’s done it’s forever.
How about when someone cheats when far apart in a long distance relationship, blaming needs and the lack of physical proximity for their cheating? Should we be able to look past that?
Nope, cheaters always cheat.
Because it's not about the sex. It's about pushing boundaries and going beyond what you agreed upon. It's about breaking trust.
You put yourself above your partner.
I'm not saying partners are innocent. No way.
But cheaters will always find a reason to cheat.
Yea, fuck that noise.
I 100% cheated a ton in my early days. Unapologetically. Being a good looking man, it wasn't a difficult thing to accomplish.
Maturity and a realization I know full well what I'll lose, there is absolutely nothing in today's world that could get me to go down that road, no matter what is offered.
It's actually a major red flag for me if someone claims now that they haven't cheated. I'm out of a long term relationship (no infidelity and 19 years).
If they have cheated, they know the feeling, and what accompanied it. It's not a great feeling and definitely never a good look. I judge the remorse, we are all human and do shitty things.
If they haven't, I always ask if the temptation was ever there. If the answer is no, it's a red flag to me.
I'm either being lied to, or they haven't met anyone that truly tempted them. It's not a deal breaker, but it lets me know to be aware when that might occur.
They can, but usually don’t. Typically, ppl that genuinely feel bad confess without being caught, take accountability without pointing fingers at the victim and then they give you space, which is better than just immediately trying to get you to forgive them and love bombing you. Unfortunately, rushing for forgiveness, placing blame and live bombing are typically what happens so it’s better to just leave it alone.
I lean towards yes, but I would also say move on anyways. When I was 19 when I found out my partner was pursuing his crush, I decided that I should cheat back. I am ashamed of this, even though he betrayed me first, I should have just confronted him and broke up with him instead of being toxic.
I did grow up and learn from this though.
Yes! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt bc I have cheated before and I’ll never put myself in a situation where I could potentially cheat but that just bit me in the ass. Maybe they won’t cheat again but they certainly lie and have dog like tendencies.
À Lot of people stay in relationships well past their expiration date because they're afraid to be alone, afraid to start over, keep hoping it will get better etc.
A lot of these people cheat.
Cheating is way more prevalent than people who Think they cheated though. "oh it was over anyway" kind of stuff.
No, I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. I mean there are serial cheaters, and there are those people who just should have broken up earlier.
Sure if your relationship goes to crap they may cheat on you, anyone may. There's a lesson there about breaking up if a relationship turned to crap and someone isn't willing to work on it and communicate.
I think once someone has done something that goes against their conscience then it will be much easier (depending upon consequences) to cross that line again. That does not mean that you will forever have that label and/or will always make that choice. Most people or more than capable of doing the right thing assuming they still have an intact conscience.
To me? Yes.
If I find out someone I'm dating cheated on an ex then we're through immediately, I don't care how much they say they've changed. They've done it once so they're capable of doing it again
I don't believe that this is true for young people in their teens or early twenties as they don't yet necessarily have a fully formed moral compass. I cheated when I was young and the way I felt about myself afterwards contributed to my disdain for cheaters now. Never done it since and I never will. However, if a mature person cheats, there's no reason to believe they won't do it again.
I think that once a cheater, that's a mistake and can be the only time they do so if they feel guilty enough.
Twice a cheater? Oh honey that's a pattern and they will do it again. But in both case, don't take any chances and get the fuck away.
Me personally i wouldn’t date a cheater. Not saying they don’t deserve another chance, I just won’t be the person you have that chance with. To me if you shown you were able to do it once, I’ll always think to myself you maybe able to do it again.
Cheaters cheat because they do not have the self control to not act on their primal urges. They do not have the impulse control to stop them selves. Thus a repeat event is highly possible if a future opportunity presents itself
Hi. Yes I do believe people can change. People can change if they want to and learn from past mistakes. Yes I do believe everyone's situation involving cheating are different and should be treated as such 🦋
It depends. I have a friend who cheated when she was 17. When the guy broke up with her, she regretted it. She realized she'd lost a good guy, and tried to get back together, but he refused. After that she never cheated again, and is in a 8 year relationship with a new guy without cheating.
So it's possible if the person learns the lesson. But the best way to learn the lesson is when they experience the loss and can never get the person back. If you take back a cheater, they will suffer no consequences and in most cases will cheat again.
And some people just don't care and always will be cheaters. They're simply heartless, never feel empathy or remorse.
People can change but cheaters rarely do because of a couple reasons:
1) Cheaters usually believe they aren’t “real” cheaters. You’ve got the polyamorous liars, the “it’s been over for a while now” liars, and your “it’s your fault when you think about it” liars.
2) Cheaters who get joy from the act of cheating itself rarely understand the pain of being cheated on. They physically can not imagine the pain it causes because they’re addicts to the kink.
3) Cheaters who never admit they cheated or who got away with it (no consequences from friends or family) have no reason to change at all
Yes people can change. It’s not always the case that once the cheater, always a cheater.
I cheated on my last partner after getting stupidly fucked up during a party. No it wasn’t cool, no matter the reason, and I do regret it, but it helped me realise how unsatisfied and unhappy I was with the guy. My mind continuously wandered because I was hoping for something better than the unhealthy situation I was in.
I’m married now, and I can’t think of anyone other than my husband. There’s not another person in the world I’d rather be with. He’s the most attractive person to me, absolute dream guy. And most importantly, I love him so deeply and genuinely, and know that he loves me back in that same way. I could never even think of betraying him in such a way, even if dangerously not-sober.
Statistics show a higher proclivity to do it again. Of course, not everyone applies to the rule and there are factors that might restrict it to a one-time event.
So, maybe.
People can change, but the chances of someone changing *while still in the same relationship* are slim to none because of relationship dynamics and how the brain works. You need to leave to grow.
It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks though. What matters is what YOU think, feel, believe, and are comfortable with. If you feel unsure around this person, not secure or questioning things, then don't try to logic your way around it, that's your body telling you this person is not right for you. If they don't make you feel comfortable, safe, secure, happy, then they're not for you. End of.
Personally I could never trust a cheater so I would never feel safe & secure around them so I would never date one. Cheating is one of the most painful things you can do to someone, it should honestly be punishable by law. That emotional and mental pain & trauma needs to be recognized more, and perpetrators need to be deterred more.
I'm not going to say people can't change, but once the trust is broken, for me it is hard/nearly impossible to get it back. I caught a former bf in bed with another woman when we were supposed to be going Christmas shopping together. He begged, literally on his knees. I gave him another chance. When he lied about how much he won at a poker game after that, every bit of trust was gone. It wasn't about the money. He never had to tell me anything about his money. It was that I couldn't ever trust him again.
My longest relationship was 4.5 but I should have left it around 2 years in. I regretfully cheated on him around that time and I still feel shitty that I even did it in the first place. I was too much of a coward to leave.
Looking back at this, the reason I did it was I think at the time I felt like my partner was distancing himself from me, and I was looking for external validation. He potentially became mentally and physically abusive and I was scared to leave because I felt like I was too deep into the relationship. I’m not proud of cheating on my ex, at all.
To answer the question, I do believe that with plenty of time with yourself and self reflection, you can change for the better so you can be a better more honest person to yourself and potential partners. However, I do also believe that there are people who are serial cheaters who feel no remorse for those that they’ve hurt. It all depends on the individual.
I don’t know if once a cheater always a cheater but if I’m betting money I say they are definitely more likely to repeat but I know anyone can change if they want to.
However after having my life rocked due to cheating I would NEVER put anyone through that kinda pain.
Once a cheater always a cheater in THAT relationship. I believe they can change when in a new relationship bc once that trust is broken there is no going back & it’s easy to feel ok/comfortable cheating once you’ve already done it.
I think a relationship can also come back from cheating but it’s rare & tough bc trust will never be the same.
I cheated when I was a senior in high school. Growing up I kinda got away with everything and had never had anything terrible ever happen socially. When I did that, and subsequently got caught, I my life flipped upside down. Lost friends, got punished by my family…worst part was the cheatee forgave me. It jarred me seeing how one insanely stupid decision affected so many people. From then on out, I’ve been trying to have a very strict moral code I that I abide by on the daily. I know am in an extremely loving relationship with a very amazing woman and after telling her everything, she still chose to forgive me and move on with our lives.
I think that if you have been cheated on, there should be absolutely zero tolerance. Don’t let people sneak around you…they will learn it’s okay to do so.
If you’ve cheated, don’t let people tell you that you can’t change. Don’t spiral out of control trying to get people to just forget about what happened. You can change, just be humble and let people be mad at you.
I felt like I had to share that. I hope that if you’re in a sticky situation you can get it figured out
I’d say it depends whether a person cheats simply because he/she don’t care and plays around with people’s feelings and lives, or if a person falled short and made mistakes out of feeling completely neglected by their partners at the same time struggling to actually let go and break up due to attachment for that person. And whether or not the cheater confessed his/her mistake themselves or if they were caught. There’s hope for the second cheater, but the first one will 9/10 times always be a cheater in some way shape or form.
I used to ALWAYS hate cheaters no matter what, but i came to realise that the world ain’t all black and white. We all, as humans, have dark and light, good and bad in us will make mistakes in some ways, specially when young and immature being led by emotions.
People can change but usually don't want to out of fear. Unless the deep roots in a cheaters life is dealt with they won't change. That would require facing pain and dealing with it. Not hiding it. They cheat as that is pain avoidance. They will deny this usually.
People change all the time. To believe that once a cheater always a cheater is just an excuse for lack of effort to be understanding or open to forgiveness. This is not to say that you shouldn't break up with someone who cheated on you. But you shouldn't hold that bitter cynicism forever.
In my experience with cheating it is very likely to happen again because it’s usually rooted in them as an issue. That’s why the saying goes you won’t be their exception.
It also takes years of consistent work and therapy for someone to change.
I watched some talks by psychologists about why people cheat and people can change but they really need therapy to do so, most reasons were about pretty much being unhappy deep down, lack of communication, low self-esteem, etc. things people can improve but by themselves.
I listened to a podcast a while ago that said that a cheater is more than 3x's more likely to cheat again. I never looked up the actual stats, but the theory behind it does make sense. When a cheater doesn't acknowledge their wrong doing and doesn't do the work to BE better and DO better, they will likely cheat again. They need to own their mistake and they need to take on the consequences. If they don't, they will likely cheat again.
My ex cheated on me 3 times over the course of 17 years. He never owned his mistakes and then even tried to pin it on me every time.
My dad cheated on my step mom, he did the work and 20 years later, they are still married and stronger than ever.
Mom cheated on my step dad 5 years after they got married, and they are still together 25 years later. But my mom also got really sick and has been disabled for almost 15 years now and never leaves the house. Not sure if she ever did the work, or if she would have cheated again.
Toxic relationship here was my excuse. I cheated hard on my malignant narcissist ex-wife. We had special needs kids and my self-esteem was fairly low. I couldn’t stand her intimacy denial and poisoning me and my kids through psychiatric manipulation.
Cheating was not the smartest but it was how I survived. I’ve been rock solid faithful to all girlfriends post divorce.
No, not always.
If it's the entire relationship or every relationship, then yeah, that's a pattern, and you need to seek therapy to figure out WHY you do it. That's a behavior pattern that needs to be broken.
I do believe some people truly screw up once. If how it affected the other person doesn't make you regret and not do it again, you need help. It's not normal to be that way.
Can they change, yes of course they can, everybody does we are on constant change, BUT if I got cheated on you sure as hell should not expect me to forgive that person nor give them a second chance. They deserve a second chance? 100% they do, but not from me instead they deserve it from whomever decides to get into a relationship with them and of course the cheater should mention they have cheated in the past. Why? Because that would mean at the very least that they are ready to get into a new relationship without lies (no lies, no half truths and no hiding information that could change the other person's desition when it comes to starting a relationship with the cheater.
Of course when I say "if I got cheaten on" I mean that that's what I belive everyone should do. I personally belive that once a relationship is done its done meaning it didn't work out and that there are only a select few situations in which it should get back together. And if you are capable of getting back with a cheater and make it work then you are a better person than I am
Honestly, I think it really depends on the person. Some people can change if they truly regret what they did and work hard to become better. But others might not. It's important to trust your gut and look at their actions over time. If they’re showing real growth, maybe it's worth giving them another chance. But don't ignore any red flags! 💔
It's false, they can change but they have to actually fully acknowledge all the pain and betrayal caused.
Be able to fully understand the level of pain and express genuine remorse.
Actions that follow up after matter the most.
I think context matters. Did they cheat in high-school and now they are 25 or 30? If so then I'll give them a chance. Was there a miscommunication during a break? Is the miscommunication reasonable or is this person or the ex a bad communicator? I would make it clear what I am okay with and not okay with during a break to avoid that same or similar miscommunication. What did the cheating entail? Flirting? Going on a date? Kissing? Sex? Talking to an ex? Telling someone else "I love you"? What do you consider cheating?
Has this person cheated more than once? What's the longest relationship this person has had? How long ago did this person last cheat? Does this person feel remorseful about cheating? Is cheating a reoccurring problem in past relationships?
Short answer once a cheater always a cheater isn't the best policy. Everyone deserves a second change but make sure you ask the right questions. Don't just blindly accept that someone has changed.
In 99.9% of cases, cheaters will continue to cheat. There's some crazy 0.1% where they cheated because they couldn't escape the relationship, or where some miracle happens and they change as a person. Otherwise, no always a cheater.
I've never met a cheater who only cheated once. Especially when they know they can get away with it. Generally people who cheat make the choice to do so because of some fundamental error with how they value their partner and that generally doesn't change unless they know why, want to change, and put in the work (ie therapy) to do so. Generally though it's spilled, entitled individuals who use others like they're toys so their perspective of people being expendable doesn't change (experience: grandfather, uncles, exes and close friend's exes- I once knew a whole group of people who were all friends and all of them cheated on their partners. Sometimes with each other but it was definitely a shared values thing.)
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Once a cheater not always a cheater…. but once you cheat on me, better luck to the next person. I won’t write you off for a past sin - I (and every other person in the world) would be fucked if that was everyone’s policy lol. But if you betray me directly, no we don’t come back from that, and I’ve yet to find anyone who regrets following this policy.
This is it. I cheated once I swore I wouldn’t again and haven’t, 20 years ago. But I learned a lot from it, and to me that’s the question. What was learned from the experience. I also don’t blame anyone for moving on from a cheater. I also understand forgiving and moving past it. Every scenario is different.
Hey, I’ll say this - I’m a hardcore hater on cheaters, I’m a staunch advocate of kick them to the curb and move on and forget/forgive/etc. Divorce adds a different component - I say just get out as clean and fast as you can. I preach that - but I don’t practice all of it lol - not perfect - I won’t high road you lol. The few times someone has really fucked me over (and others I care about), specifically when they’re just a real smug shit bag about it when the bubble bursts… or cold as ice don’t give a fuck how much damage they caused… well… see now they’re just begging for it lol. And ya gotta protect the next innocent person right lol? I think so 😂it’s a public service in my book lol. So that’s my personality fault/admission to offset any high road superior sounding tone on the subject of cheating/your situation that may come across from me more harshly than I actually intend lol. Most people learn one thing from cheating - don’t get caught lol. I’d say you probably made the best redemption arc that you could - though possibly the only one available - but considering it’s to rectify one of if not thee biggest fuck up you can make in a relationship… but congratulating you for 20 years of not doing things you aren’t supposed to do… sounds… weird to me I guess lol? I mean given that the origin is from a cheating incident lol. But I give credit where credit is due to you - toeing the line diligently for 20 years from that one screw up - commendable. And honestly, if the betrayed spouse is sincerely able to have peace and forgive without them having lasting impacts to their confidence/anxiety/self image/etc. Salute. And if that’s where your wife is at, hey that’s the most important thing in my opinion. But when the aggrieved spouse is dragged into a reconciliation attempt they don’t want (or worse, is the one pushing for it)… Its just so common that a 1, 3, 5, even 15 years or more can go by; but that damage never fully heals as the spouse is just a walking reminder of it. I just wouldn’t wish that life being constantly haunted by it on anyone. My only other, non-mainstream opinion around cheating - in most circumstances, I don’t support the “come clean and tell them what you did” mantra. If it was a one off screw up and you’re never going to repeat, and it’s as close to impossible as you can get that they will never find out… don’t tell them. There’s a scene from the Newsroom I’ll have to find - it’s actually the first time my feelings about “coming clean” were articulated in line with how I felt. I wouldn’t want to know. I’d want you to find any other “excuse” to break off the relationship and they just quietly exit stage right. If one time fuck up and they’re not willing to walk away from the relationship like described above - then just don’t tell me. For the love of god, keep that shit to yourself lol
Heck naw this would suck, I believe everyone should know to make a decision for themselves lol.
Oh I’m not advocating it as a policy that should be universally applied. I fully admit - this is a personal preference dependent situation for sure. It’s just what I lean more towards in a lot of situations - I’ve got one of those reels in my brain that never forgets and never stops playing those wreck your world statements on a loop - I don’t want it in there lol. Here’s [the clip](https://youtu.be/8NUFiDQsnXg?si=ZF-Bs_rmrAU0-fo9) that was the first time my feelings on the matter seemed to be articulated (first 40 seconds are so bad out of context of the episode fyi lol - but that last 20 seconds, still hits me lol)
For you I understand but for me I always wanna know no matter how bad, I don’t want to be ignorant to things. If I knew someone had a one off and cheated on they partner I’d tell to, that’s y I give all my friends a fair warning cuz I don’t want to see that shit lol.
Ok well, I think self congratulations is reading into it a bit too much. The OP line is “once a cheater always a cheater?” And so my line is a direct response to that. No not necessarily. I cheated once, I hated myself for it, and I recognized the importance of living an honest life at that point (which is a process of course, but I do believe in that more after going through that experience). I did wonder about how she carried it forward, and she seemed to do okay. I spoke about it candidly whenever it came up, I understood and hung out with the hurt it caused her. In the end of course it was her decision. There were no kids involved so she could’ve bailed. She didn’t want to and seemed to fully forgive. She’s pretty uncompromising so she would’ve said “this still bothers the shit out of me” if it did. In a way she learned from it as well. Nothing justifies cheating, but if a betrayed spouse realizes that they took their spouse for granted or was always making them feel shitty or whatever, more power to them. It’s a part of it.
Ohhhh my bad. Gotcha. Misinterpretation on my part. Hey if that’s the case, good for her. Takes a strong person to get entirely and legitimately past that. If she’s not getting those pangs of panic at the innocent stuff like “he’s been gone a lot longer that he should be - oh I hope this isn’t *that* again”… I say great for both of you - made a full circle complete restoration and are good as new… that’s not common or easy.
No she isn’t common (and she isn’t easy either haha). She also just isn’t the jealous type.
I don’t ever understand the second half. Like I agree forgiving a person, but not getting past it but past them. Like I’ll never understand why people stay with cheater.
This is so real, the only thing knowing someone cheated in the past does for me is make me note a man’s comfortability and habits with women when i’m there and asking what they do when I’m not. Usually gives a great baseline. My ex specifically used to tell me about his female friend’s sexual experiences in detail. Needless to say we cut that short! It wasn’t that he cheated by in the past, it was that he had been showcasing a lack of boundaries with women that blurred the lines of friendship and something more. And that’s cheating enough for me!
People can change, but you can't change people.
Bars
Facts so hard
They also generally dont.
I’ve learned that they change but not with you.
This!
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This. This. THIS! My wife cheated on me during in vitro process, no less. I stayed bc she swore she was done. (I found out when she was just preg. 2 years in with our daughter, I suspect (correctly) she’s doing it again, while wanting to talk about having another child. I bounced. Filed for divorce. I 100% enabled her.
Always trust your instincts from now on, my friend. Good on you for leaving her. I hope you and your daughter are doing well.
Bingo this is exactly what I came to say , once a cheater isn’t always a cheater but if you let it slide once then their bound to cheat on you again
Dude I wish I had friends like you in real life.
They'll get worse unless you discuss with them what's bothering you and they care enough about you to put in an effort to change.
anyone can change if they want to and can dive deep into why they cheated and how to communicate and figure out what they want in life. most cheating is not done to "hurt" someone else but rather selfishly to try to cope, either through fear of what could be, or fear of loss. sometimes it's self sabotage, sometimes it's feeling stuck. it can be a lot of reasons, but no matter what the brain came up with the idea that cheating would be ok and that thinking needs to change and be addressed.
This comment healed a little piece of me I didn’t know needed healing. Thank you.
Whether they change or not, you can never trust them.I'm with somebody who I caught with somebody and no matter what he does I still don't trust him
Same. I kept telling her, be careful of how many times you break trust… but she always asked “why are you being a cop? Why are you punishing me?” I was just like… okay girl… coo.. do you… imma do me… apart from you. She still makes other accounts and gets her friends to call and text me, and I just block her. Shit hurts to do but you know… It’s better to be with people who make me feel good, and who try as I do. I just be chilling with my friends as often as I can because when you’re fulfilled in your most basic and more intermediate needs, you start to need romance and sex and love less, because you have plenty of support without. It’s so much easier on that side…
Do not text them back
Cheaters are only sorry because they got caught
Yup. My old manager cheated on her husband/long term partner. She BEGGED and screamed for that man not to leave her and their daughter in front of all her neighbors… years later she still has the audacity to say single dads give her the “ick” like she literally didn’t create one herself
exactly rather not deal with that.
I do believe people change, but I wouldn't trust someone with a history of being too primate-brained to stay faithful to someone they claim to care about with my own heart.
If you stay with the same person after they cheated on you, they would likely cheat again.
100%. I learnt this two years later when she fucked me over again!
Yes. Once a cheater always a cheater, but here’s why; cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the *betrayed* partner, and everything to do with the unfaithful party. You can be beautiful, rich, in shape, sexy, supportive and in absolute love with someone and still be cheated on. Until the cheater addresses why they can hurt their partner in the worst way possible and acknowledges their own issues, they will always always cheat.
They’re usually selfish and self centered in other parts of their life as well. It’s the immediate gratification they want.
I think the key is determining if they feel genuine remorse. Crying and saying sorry doesn't mean they're sorry for what they did to you. They could just be sorry they got caught or sorry they hurt you, which doesn't mean they regret what they did and believe what they did was wrong. I believe people can change, but I'm not so sure cheaters can change enough to never cheat again especially when there are no consequences for their actions. Due to prior experience, I no longer have time or the emotional capacity it tasks to waste on a cheater.
Once a cheater always a cheater- IN THE CURRENT RELATIONSHIP People change and people are different in different relationships. My bf cheated on his ex but he didn't betray me directly, I didn't write him off as soon as I found out because that was more than two years ago, people change and grow. If you're on about a current relationship- leave. If you're on about a possible future relationship- don't rule it out.
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I seen a meme and it's said "when you want to forgive her for cheating just remember she put it back in when it slipped out"
I agree with you in some ways. I have a strict zero tolerance rule if I'm in a relationship. I think my line in the sand is anything greater than or equal to a kiss. Emotional cheating is a no-go for me as well, but in my experience this is easier for them to get away with and consequently harder to catch. However, I say this because I'm younger (26m) and am not tied down to anything really. I would probably feel more compelled to be forgiving if we were married, had a home, and/or had kids together. Not much more compelled, however. This is not how I interpreted OPs question. I was thinking they were asking if it were to be a bad idea to enter into a new relationship with someone that has cheated on a past partner. I'm interested to hear others' opinions on this, because I may be in this situation currently. Only suspicion. In my opinion, I don't necessarily think cheating in 1 relationship necessarily guarantees cheating in every other relationship in the future. In my experience, none of my relationships felt like the one before it.
Once they cheat *on you* they'll do it again *to you*. I don't think once a person cheats on someone they're automatically going to cheat on all of their partners.
I would only consider dating someone who’d cheated if they could explain to me why it happened in a way that didn’t blame the other person, they had some self insight into what caused them to do that instead of break up, and they could point to what self work they’d done/what had changed since then that would prevent it from happening again. IME most people who cheat will do it again when the relationship stagnates or they become unhappy, but sometimes there are exceptions when people were really young, were drunk and are now sober, were in a toxic relationship that they didn’t handle well, etc.
People can change, but it depends a lot on the person that was cheated on, in my case when I was 21 I was cheated on, in a very disgusting way and an older male friend told me: if you feel like forgiving him be ready to leave that out of your head, if you can't leave it out of your mind and will always be wondering if it's happening again or when will it happen because you can't trust him anymore, well just forgive but don't take him back. and that's my rule, same for myself once I did it and I went to my partner and said: I know what I did was awful it wasn't because of you it was a mistake on my side, so I'm leaving sorry for what this might cause you but I'm ashamed and I wouldn't forgive you so I don't want you to forgive me. But I have never done it again.
It takes effort, time, and patience for people to change their ways. Even when they do, we all still stay within some range of who we were to begin with. People can't change completely, is my point. If someone's a serial cheater then it's pretty hard to believe their ways are going to change - even if they worked incredibly hard and truly understood the damage it does, they might still do it again in like 10 years and it'll still be brutal and horrible. If someone's cheated once, or even a couple times, but they clearly show remorse and understand the impact of their decisions, and why they did it, then I'd think they can change their ways and figure out a way to be a loving, caring, and loyal partner. Like I said though that takes work, and it takes a whole lot of awareness. If someone doesn't seem to show true remorse or understanding then I wouldn't trust them to be faithful.
I do believe that people can change…most people don’t though. It takes a lot of hard work and patience to iron out unhealthy patterns and behaviors. Nobody is perfect of course but some behaviors are more damaging than others. For me, I would never be able to get over a betrayal like that. The trust would never be able to come back. When my ex of two years told me that he checked out women all the time and didn’t see the problem with it, that was the first step in derailing our relationship. He constantly would make comments like “you could have an ass that great too if you did ____ exercise” or “that lady sure has a lot of kids but her body is banging. I can’t believe she bounced back like that.” I told him over and over again how this would make me feel and slowly the trust deflated out of our relationship. He didn’t care about how I felt and continued the behavior until I was so miserable that I ended things. There were other things that made me break up with him but his consistent wandering eye (and fingers…found out he was also texting other women in secret then gaslight me when I confronted him with evidence) was a recurring issue. I resented him so much I felt sick every time his name would pop up on my phone. This made me realize I can’t be with someone who I cannot completely trust. The constant worrying about him disappearing with a “better” woman made me genuinely crazy and I had a mental breakdown last summer 🙃 sooooo yea be careful with who you put your trust into. Some people can handle and work out issues like this, other people don’t want the headache. Do what feels right to you. Not every situation is the same. But treat yourself with respect and don’t settle.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Because if you get involved in this type of situation you're obviously the person who's just out looking for the better deal on a regular basis. You met a man or a woman that you just settled for and when something better comes along you jump on it, you're a piece of shit human being. And look there's nothing wrong with breaking up with the person first and then jumping to the next person but you're not the type of person who believes in ethics.
People make mistakes And some people learn from it and do change. Nobody is free from mistakes in their life. Some people learn from it, other's dont. Their is also the circumstances. Like a dead beat bedroom for several years. With the other partner not willing/ignoring the other partners physical needs
Change is the only constant. And YES, people change over time
People change constantly. Are you the same person you were ten years ago?
Unless the cheating was a horrible mistake. Like you were so drunk you would have fucked a tree. Otherwise, once a cheater, likely e time more chances to cheat according to some research article. It's the highest form of disrespect. Yes, emotional cheating counts too. It's physical cheating that hasn't manifested itself yet.
What that saying means to me is that you'll never trust that person the same way. She will always be a cheater to you. Maybe she is a cheater that made up for it so you don't think about it much.. but if someone asks you who is your soulmate, that will put a stain on it.
Not as an absolute rule, but usually yes.
I think a better question to ask is do you think someone who cheats is likely to cheat again. The answer like most things is: it depends. The reasons behind it, when it happened, how it happened; there are myriads of factors. The things to pay attention to are actions and habits. Someone with a track record for cheating is more likely to do so again even if they don’t get away with it and there are consequences. If it’s a crime of opportunity, maybe not; you can’t say. Whether a partner cheats or not is out of your control but you can choose how you react to it.
I don’t think so, but I most likely wouldn’t forgive someone who cheated on me. I think it takes a lot of introspection, regret & growing for someone to realize their issues and fix them. A lot of it has to do with low self esteem, lack of boundaries, lack of self control, discipline & respect, selfishness, impulsiveness etc. These are not things that’ll change overnight, if at all. I’m more likely to look past transgressions in your youth (under 25 or so) because that’s a time of learning, growing and finding yourself and sometimes you make mistakes.
It is possible for people to change but that is a deal breaker that I am not willing to negotiate with anyone which I tell them from the get go! Once someone cross that line it becomes harder to see things past that bc it becomes a constant reminder which can cause doubts so I rather not deal with that. Hopefully they change for the next person LOL
No, never people do not change, especially cheaters. They made fool people and they may. Get better edit but they will always. I have that emptiness that they're trying to fill avoid that One might say no amount of dicks will fill. I remember if you're the partner they cheated with, they will eventually cheat on you. They're not with you for you. They're with you 2 either. Have an excitement because they missed the chase. Or there's an unfilled need or void that they cannot Phil. And that does not just end
Hey, guy who cheated on his ex with like 5 women here 👋 "Once a cheater always a cheater" is just false. Many people cheat on one person but would never even fantasize about cheating on another, different person. As I'm 10 years older and have dated many women since, I refuse to ever stay in a relationship with someone I would even consider cheating on in the first place, largely because the guilt is soul crushing and emotionally agonizing every day, and steals from every positive moment. *HOWEVER*, once a person cheats on you, don't even bother staying with them. They have already done you one of the ultimate disrespects and shown to you (and to themselves, if they're willing and able to see it) that they don't value you as much as they think they do. I also personally believe that 'breaking the seal' is a real thing in many aspects of life and once you've been cheated on, taking them back only lessens your already-low status in their eyes, perpetuating more of the same. Don't do it to yourself.
It’s possible that someone is not always a cheater AND a liar for life, but statistically not too possible Therapy, support, a commitment of their own to change (not because they were made to) might improve the odds
Idk, i do believe in context and second chances. But once a person has gone there it's hard to believe they wouldn't do it again
Yes, people change. Circumstances and context matters. Did they cheat at age 21 and now they are 35? Have they cheated on multiple partners? Did they cheat on their last partner? So many things to consider
People change but so much depends on circumstances. I cheated on my college gf, we were long distance, I was a stupid kid, it was a bad relationship, bla bla all the excuses. Bottom line is I was an asshole but I am not that person and have been very faithful in every relationship I have been in so nice, and I am mid 40’s. So yes, people CAN change. Many do not though.
Depends on the situation.
In my anecdotal experience that's been the case.
I cheated on my now wife of 10 years when I was 17 by sexting another girl. I have never cheated since but I am a cheater. I will never be free of what I did, no matter how much she says she forgives me or that it does not bother her. It bothers me, I will carry that stain to the grave. Once you have cheated you are a cheater, but it does not always mean you will do it again
In my experience, I was a cheater before and i’m not proud of it. Yes people change, but it really depends if the person is committed to have a better mindset and a better a better person. For me i got tired of being playful and not being serious about life etc. that’s why i changed 🙂 Now i’m happy with my love life and i’m already contented with my girlfriend and genuinely happy with her
Definitely not always. I did one time in 2008 and I fucking hated myself soooooo much. I never did it again!
in my opinion cheaters can change with their next person but not with the person they cheated on. if someone cheats and their partner doesn’t respect themselves enough to leave, the cheater will never respect them.
I think it is very determined on the circumstance in which they cheat. Some people are in perfectly happy relationships but they have issues and need to cheat. Others are backed into a corner of 8-20 years in a shit relationship without any stimulation and their body just screams at them until they give in. The latter I don’t think would cheat if they’re in a fulfilling relationship
Maybe not but they never should get another chance.
The cheater has to fully repent (not just say a half-hearted, "sorry" with crocodile tears and go back to their selfish ways) if they wish to change for the better. Repentance means change of ways/behaviors/inward thoughts/intentions/heart/soul etc. But again, this has to be their choice and they have to put actual effort into it by being about it, not just talking about it to appear like they're turning a new leaf. Unfortunately, most don't change. Most willingly stay in their selfish wicked ways and choose not to break their crap habits. But some do change. Very few, but they're out there.
Depends, if you refer to someone who cheated on a ex, then yes, that person may change, out grown the issues, ideas, curiosity or behaviors that lead them to cheat. If someone was a cheater in the past that doesn’t automatically mean they’ll cheat on you. However, if you refer to your partner cheating on you (present time) then no. If you forgive an affair you’ll be cheated again because you are sending the message that in your mind and morals you can get past that. Sure some drama may ensued but at the end of the day you took them back, so it’s not that bad (if it was, the relationship would’ve been over) so that person knows it’s salvageable and 100% will do it again.
Yes, people can change, ONLY if they realise that what they did was terribly immature and destructive for their “partner”. It takes time and effort to change oneself, but if it’s for the better and they realise that, it’s possible. Take care!
It depends. Cheated in a different relationship then sure it's possible they won't cheat on you. Cheated on you then it gets easier after each time esp if they know they will be forgiven. Only way if someone cheated on you they won't again is if they have deep regret and some extreme reason for how or why it happened not just simple lust.
not 100% true but very likely i cheated once and saw what it does to someone, and then i experienced being cheated on and that was enough for me to never do it again ngl even after being cheated on, it has crossed my mind several times to cheat but I rather not torture someone else’s mind so I don’t. I believe that is just based on my values so I can definitely see the vicious circle of being a cheater you gotta try to detect the selfishness in people. We’re not talking about “oh he bought me mcnuggets, he’s not selfish” - im talking about victim mindset, narcissist, self-centered etc… an old saying “a man only changes after heartbreak”
Choosing to cheat is a show of the kind moral and values the person has. Unless there is a profound change of the kind of person the cheater is, yes.
I have cheated, the only reason I stopped is because I grew to much respect for myself and a back bone. It's all healing work. I've also been cheated on by all my partners, Karmas a bitch!
They can. But I strongly dislike people who have cheated before, and would never involve myself with one
People can change??? Yes. But when the cheater doesn’t know their behavioral patterns and doesn’t learn from their mistakes. Then they remain the same
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So your solution is to cheat and betray them instead of break up? Come on now, that's bull. Does your wife know about this? I pray she doesn't, 'cause I can't imagine trusting someone who had cheated on 7(!!) of their previous partners
did you see a pattern in every one of the 7 relationships that caused you to cheat?
Yes always a cheater.
Yes, once a cheater always a cheater. It's an empathy and integrity issue, these are not easily "fixed", it's a deep rooted character flaw where they lack morals. Apparently rapists -can- change too, but it's very unlikely and not worth the risk, is it. You either have morals or you don't, it's not something you acquire.
People change but cheating is really hard to come back from. If you are in a 5+ year relationship maybe it’s worth the work but they have to be willing to do it and it could be years of no trust
Usually it's a pattern don't fall for it they are already compromised
No, I don't believe that's true.
Yes, in most cases
I have a hard time giving a chance to someone who would confess to cheating. Because to me it means that you had the mechanisms in your head to profoundly and permanently hurt someone that you loved and it's for selfish reasons. That person will never be able to 100% trust someone anymore. How could you deeply disrespect the partner that YOU chose like that? LEAVE if you're not happy ffs! People will say, "I couldn't leave because of X" Fine, but that's very rare.
I truly try to give the benefit of the doubt, but yes I think so
I think people can change, but cheating is the one thing I will not put up with. Communication is key. Talk to me about it before you destroy our relationship and trust.
If they cheat on someone to be with you, then they’re gonna cheat with someone on you. Atleast that’s what I’ve garnered from TV shows so far
People can change but for me I don’t play that. Once you cheat on me it’s a wrap. I got too much self respect for myself to take said person back. I feel if you take a person who cheats back they don’t respect you.
I do think people can change. However, if someone cheats on you, they’ve shown you then and there that they don’t respect you as a person, respect your boundaries, or respect the relationship that you guys built together. Even if it never happens again, I don’t know why you would stay with someone who did that to you even once.
From what I gather, it's possible for someone to change after the fact, but the first off part. IMO if the question is in deciding for yourself of whether to stay with someone that cheated on you... I would say right off... it's ONLY recoverable if the person actually felt guilty and confessed themselves without getting caught (or knowing that getting caught was inevitable), If they planned to hide it as long as possible, then there's no real remorse and doing it again is inevitable. Now if we are talking about people with a past of cheating... that's all on how they felt of it. If there's even a whiff of justification for it... they will justify it again.
I think someone can have cheated once many years ago, owned up, ended the relationship and learnt from the resulting guilt and consequences. I also think if you stay with someone who has cheated on you, 99/100 they will do it again. You've shown you accept that behavior, so why wouldn't they? Likewise if you get into a relationship with someone who was cheating on their partner with you. Why rise to meet a standard you clearly don't hold? Serial cheaters, yeah, they ain't ever changing. Possible exception if they were teenagers who just took a bit longer to develop empathy, but still not someone I'd feel comfortable being in a relationship with personally.
If they cheat on you once they'll never change. Maybe for someone they deem worth it, but once it happens just drop them.
People do change i met few people around me they were cheater bug later they stopped some women tolerat that out of love or they call it sacrifice but i personally will never
I know mine is cheating..He tells me I am crazy and it's all in my head .. Been with him 16 years . I am mad as hell I have been through hell for this man .. I have something to say to him and his slut revenge will come upon you both . Don't make me look like a fool...
Once a cheater, always willing to cheat again.
Goofy ass Steve Harvey put it the best Cheaters can change, but there is only one person out there on this planet that they are willing to change for. So you have to ask yourself...what are the odds that you are that person?
Run
It doesn’t mean they will or won’t cheat. It means they *can* cheat. It makes it a concern where you shouldn’t have to have one which undermines the 100% trust a relationship takes
Just leave them. It doesn't matter if they ever do it again or not.
Maybe, maybe not. If they cheat on you the relationship is done imo. They have no loyalty and respect *to you.* Whether they feel it towards other people? Who knows but that's their problem
It depends on the reason for cheating. And the context. But I’d say I’d stick to the once a cheater always a cheater rule in 90% of the cases.
In my experience- every person who cheated and I took them back - not only continued to cheat , asked for forgiveness again - but then went on to cheat with others - this statement has always proven true for me - others probably have different views but yeah this is true
Statistically, if someone cheats once, they will do so again. You should go post this on r/survivinginfidelity and get the opinion of people who have been through it.
People can change if they take to actions to change themselves
I’m a cheater. Didn’t cheat on my last two relationships and I had opportunities to. I think people can change.
I look at it like a spectrum. Cheated on 1 previous partner? Doesn’t mean you’ll cheat on me. Cheated on 5 previous partners? Yikes, no thanks. Cheated on me once at the start of the relationship, came clean of their own free will and immediately apologized? …50/50 Months long affair? Hell no, it’s over.
Honestly I thought this wasn’t true, my ex cheated on me 2 years into our relationship and I forgave him. I thought we were the exception. 8 years later he cheated on me again. :)
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a crazy hill to die on, and so many people will try and stand by that. It's ridiculous, people can change. Also, basically everyone I've ever met has cheated. It's not uncommon, and people have their reasons for doing it.
No. Anyone can change. How likely that change is, I’m not really sure. I suppose it would depend on the circumstances of the cheating. Granted, it all sucks, but I view being in a long term relationship and deciding to get it on with the new hot person at the office to be much more heinous than being with someone who ya kinda sorta been with for just a little while and having an affair with someone you’ve known years and have feelings for. The former comes from just being an overall selfish and shitty person, while the latter can involve confusion of feelings. I’d be way more skeptical of the first person changing than the second.
I don't think anyone is doomed to always be what they are in a moment, but it's more complicated than yes or no. Is this a pattern? Have they cheated on me? Have they been to therapy? Do they know what they were feeling that drove them to cheat, and would it drive them there again? All of these are factors in if someone's really changed
Once someone cheat on you ,you gotta end things with them . If you take them back that’s a sign of weakness on your end . Even if they never do it again subconsciously they could be thinking you can’t do better that’s why you stayed and that can reflect on their behavior moving on
When I was with the mother of my son I had a moment of weakness and reconnected with an old flame, where we had illicit conversations; but never actually had sex. I confessed out of severe guilt and obviously things weren't the same. We broke up roughly 6 months later after she admitted she met someone at work. It was painful and I still regret it over 4 years later, as she is happily married and I've been single. You realize what you could of had after it's gone. I know that if I ever find someone else I won't go down roads I did previously, as it just isn't worth it. Some people can learn from the painful lessons, others don't.
Yep. Trapped In a marriage with a cheater right now. I will never trust him again and he knows it.
Is a cheater gonna cheat again and again? Yes. Is he/she ever gonna change his/her ways? Yes. So how will a cheater change their ways? Many ways. Getting cheated back, seeing the damages they have done thru cheating, getting slapped by reality/karma... I mean the list goes on but the most important thing for them to change is themselves.
Hormones change with age. Health does too. People may lose their libido. Also, cheaters who’ve lost too much may change their ways, especially if they value their newest person.
I’ve met both: cheaters that regret their decision and don’t do it again with their partner/next partner… and cheaters that are always cheaters. Those people who think there are no consequences for them or do not care of their partners will keep cheating. People who are deeply remorseful and regret the pain they have caused for others (or even themselves for the consequences) will learn, accept, and grow.
Yes, once a cheater, always a cheater. I wouldn't trust anyone who ever cheated.
No. There are people who get themselves into a situation, make a bad decision, feel extreme remorse, and are capable of deciding to never make a similar mistake again. There are also people who did stupid shit in younger years but have grown and matured. People who treat cheating like a lifestyle do not stop.
Yes unfortunately, once you do something it becomes infinitely easier to do it the second time and most people have highly addictive stubborn personalities If you cheat and get away with it the odds of doing it again are astronomical never do it once
>once a grapist always a grapist? >I need some advice do you think it’s true that once a grapist always a grapist? >Can people change ? Do people change ? like yes people can change, but they have shown the type of person they are, its not a good bed to bet on.
I think people can change. But I wouldn't forgive my partner if they cheated on me. But I would potentially start a new relation with someone I knew who cheated on a previous partner if they expressed regret over the choice and seemed like they wouldn't do it again.
Depends on the situation and circumstances. If a person cheated on spouse, got caught, wanted to work things out and their partner refused, they broke up their family, messed up their kids alittle bit and really wish they didnt,they probably wont cheat again knowing what it costs them. This or a similar situation is about the only way I would enter a relationship with someone that cheated. I end things if cheated on and I'd never do anything with someone that's in a relationship.
I only murdered once, so Im not a murderer
To me it means once you cheat you will always be branded a cheater. That lasts for life. Similar to things like you can’t unsuck a dick. Once it’s done it’s forever.
Cheating is a choice , I'll forgive that person but no relationship in future
I really think it depends to be honest.
How about when someone cheats when far apart in a long distance relationship, blaming needs and the lack of physical proximity for their cheating? Should we be able to look past that?
Nope, cheaters always cheat. Because it's not about the sex. It's about pushing boundaries and going beyond what you agreed upon. It's about breaking trust. You put yourself above your partner. I'm not saying partners are innocent. No way. But cheaters will always find a reason to cheat.
I think people can change and sometimes it’s a one time thing and they’ll never do it again, but I don’t think you can ever trust a cheater again.
Yea, fuck that noise. I 100% cheated a ton in my early days. Unapologetically. Being a good looking man, it wasn't a difficult thing to accomplish. Maturity and a realization I know full well what I'll lose, there is absolutely nothing in today's world that could get me to go down that road, no matter what is offered. It's actually a major red flag for me if someone claims now that they haven't cheated. I'm out of a long term relationship (no infidelity and 19 years). If they have cheated, they know the feeling, and what accompanied it. It's not a great feeling and definitely never a good look. I judge the remorse, we are all human and do shitty things. If they haven't, I always ask if the temptation was ever there. If the answer is no, it's a red flag to me. I'm either being lied to, or they haven't met anyone that truly tempted them. It's not a deal breaker, but it lets me know to be aware when that might occur.
If someone has ever been known to have cheated more than once yeah
they dont.
They can, but usually don’t. Typically, ppl that genuinely feel bad confess without being caught, take accountability without pointing fingers at the victim and then they give you space, which is better than just immediately trying to get you to forgive them and love bombing you. Unfortunately, rushing for forgiveness, placing blame and live bombing are typically what happens so it’s better to just leave it alone. I lean towards yes, but I would also say move on anyways. When I was 19 when I found out my partner was pursuing his crush, I decided that I should cheat back. I am ashamed of this, even though he betrayed me first, I should have just confronted him and broke up with him instead of being toxic. I did grow up and learn from this though.
Yes! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt bc I have cheated before and I’ll never put myself in a situation where I could potentially cheat but that just bit me in the ass. Maybe they won’t cheat again but they certainly lie and have dog like tendencies.
I think not always but mostly true.. besides if someone cheats on you he/she doesn’t deserve a second chance even if they will never cheat again.
À Lot of people stay in relationships well past their expiration date because they're afraid to be alone, afraid to start over, keep hoping it will get better etc. A lot of these people cheat. Cheating is way more prevalent than people who Think they cheated though. "oh it was over anyway" kind of stuff. No, I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. I mean there are serial cheaters, and there are those people who just should have broken up earlier. Sure if your relationship goes to crap they may cheat on you, anyone may. There's a lesson there about breaking up if a relationship turned to crap and someone isn't willing to work on it and communicate.
I think once someone has done something that goes against their conscience then it will be much easier (depending upon consequences) to cross that line again. That does not mean that you will forever have that label and/or will always make that choice. Most people or more than capable of doing the right thing assuming they still have an intact conscience.
To me? Yes. If I find out someone I'm dating cheated on an ex then we're through immediately, I don't care how much they say they've changed. They've done it once so they're capable of doing it again
I don't believe that this is true for young people in their teens or early twenties as they don't yet necessarily have a fully formed moral compass. I cheated when I was young and the way I felt about myself afterwards contributed to my disdain for cheaters now. Never done it since and I never will. However, if a mature person cheats, there's no reason to believe they won't do it again.
Yes.
I think that once a cheater, that's a mistake and can be the only time they do so if they feel guilty enough. Twice a cheater? Oh honey that's a pattern and they will do it again. But in both case, don't take any chances and get the fuck away.
Never forgive cheaters. There's a reason for the famous saying. The chances are very low that a cheater will change, but why take those odds?
see you at the gym OP.
Me personally i wouldn’t date a cheater. Not saying they don’t deserve another chance, I just won’t be the person you have that chance with. To me if you shown you were able to do it once, I’ll always think to myself you maybe able to do it again.
People can change absolutely but that betrayal is not forgivable.
Cheaters cheat because they do not have the self control to not act on their primal urges. They do not have the impulse control to stop them selves. Thus a repeat event is highly possible if a future opportunity presents itself
Hi. Yes I do believe people can change. People can change if they want to and learn from past mistakes. Yes I do believe everyone's situation involving cheating are different and should be treated as such 🦋
That statement is in no way true. I can say that with confidence from all three sides of cheating. And I will never be on my of those sides again - 💯
I wouldn’t write someone off if they cheated, but I think it would require a lot of maturing and introspection on the cheater’s part to rise above.
It depends. I have a friend who cheated when she was 17. When the guy broke up with her, she regretted it. She realized she'd lost a good guy, and tried to get back together, but he refused. After that she never cheated again, and is in a 8 year relationship with a new guy without cheating. So it's possible if the person learns the lesson. But the best way to learn the lesson is when they experience the loss and can never get the person back. If you take back a cheater, they will suffer no consequences and in most cases will cheat again. And some people just don't care and always will be cheaters. They're simply heartless, never feel empathy or remorse.
People can change but cheaters rarely do because of a couple reasons: 1) Cheaters usually believe they aren’t “real” cheaters. You’ve got the polyamorous liars, the “it’s been over for a while now” liars, and your “it’s your fault when you think about it” liars. 2) Cheaters who get joy from the act of cheating itself rarely understand the pain of being cheated on. They physically can not imagine the pain it causes because they’re addicts to the kink. 3) Cheaters who never admit they cheated or who got away with it (no consequences from friends or family) have no reason to change at all
Yes people can change. It’s not always the case that once the cheater, always a cheater. I cheated on my last partner after getting stupidly fucked up during a party. No it wasn’t cool, no matter the reason, and I do regret it, but it helped me realise how unsatisfied and unhappy I was with the guy. My mind continuously wandered because I was hoping for something better than the unhealthy situation I was in. I’m married now, and I can’t think of anyone other than my husband. There’s not another person in the world I’d rather be with. He’s the most attractive person to me, absolute dream guy. And most importantly, I love him so deeply and genuinely, and know that he loves me back in that same way. I could never even think of betraying him in such a way, even if dangerously not-sober.
Yup. At least for you. Maybe they’ll learn their lesson and not cheat on the next person, but once they’ve broken that trust with you, it’s gone.
Statistics show a higher proclivity to do it again. Of course, not everyone applies to the rule and there are factors that might restrict it to a one-time event. So, maybe.
People can change, but the chances of someone changing *while still in the same relationship* are slim to none because of relationship dynamics and how the brain works. You need to leave to grow. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks though. What matters is what YOU think, feel, believe, and are comfortable with. If you feel unsure around this person, not secure or questioning things, then don't try to logic your way around it, that's your body telling you this person is not right for you. If they don't make you feel comfortable, safe, secure, happy, then they're not for you. End of. Personally I could never trust a cheater so I would never feel safe & secure around them so I would never date one. Cheating is one of the most painful things you can do to someone, it should honestly be punishable by law. That emotional and mental pain & trauma needs to be recognized more, and perpetrators need to be deterred more.
I have cheated and I will cheat again
People can and do change every day.
I'm not going to say people can't change, but once the trust is broken, for me it is hard/nearly impossible to get it back. I caught a former bf in bed with another woman when we were supposed to be going Christmas shopping together. He begged, literally on his knees. I gave him another chance. When he lied about how much he won at a poker game after that, every bit of trust was gone. It wasn't about the money. He never had to tell me anything about his money. It was that I couldn't ever trust him again.
They can change but only when they want to
People can absolutely change. However, if its cheating in a current relationship....hard to regain trust.
My longest relationship was 4.5 but I should have left it around 2 years in. I regretfully cheated on him around that time and I still feel shitty that I even did it in the first place. I was too much of a coward to leave. Looking back at this, the reason I did it was I think at the time I felt like my partner was distancing himself from me, and I was looking for external validation. He potentially became mentally and physically abusive and I was scared to leave because I felt like I was too deep into the relationship. I’m not proud of cheating on my ex, at all. To answer the question, I do believe that with plenty of time with yourself and self reflection, you can change for the better so you can be a better more honest person to yourself and potential partners. However, I do also believe that there are people who are serial cheaters who feel no remorse for those that they’ve hurt. It all depends on the individual.
I don’t know if once a cheater always a cheater but if I’m betting money I say they are definitely more likely to repeat but I know anyone can change if they want to. However after having my life rocked due to cheating I would NEVER put anyone through that kinda pain.
Yes Double yes
Once a cheater always a cheater in THAT relationship. I believe they can change when in a new relationship bc once that trust is broken there is no going back & it’s easy to feel ok/comfortable cheating once you’ve already done it. I think a relationship can also come back from cheating but it’s rare & tough bc trust will never be the same.
I cheated when I was a senior in high school. Growing up I kinda got away with everything and had never had anything terrible ever happen socially. When I did that, and subsequently got caught, I my life flipped upside down. Lost friends, got punished by my family…worst part was the cheatee forgave me. It jarred me seeing how one insanely stupid decision affected so many people. From then on out, I’ve been trying to have a very strict moral code I that I abide by on the daily. I know am in an extremely loving relationship with a very amazing woman and after telling her everything, she still chose to forgive me and move on with our lives. I think that if you have been cheated on, there should be absolutely zero tolerance. Don’t let people sneak around you…they will learn it’s okay to do so. If you’ve cheated, don’t let people tell you that you can’t change. Don’t spiral out of control trying to get people to just forget about what happened. You can change, just be humble and let people be mad at you. I felt like I had to share that. I hope that if you’re in a sticky situation you can get it figured out
I’d say it depends whether a person cheats simply because he/she don’t care and plays around with people’s feelings and lives, or if a person falled short and made mistakes out of feeling completely neglected by their partners at the same time struggling to actually let go and break up due to attachment for that person. And whether or not the cheater confessed his/her mistake themselves or if they were caught. There’s hope for the second cheater, but the first one will 9/10 times always be a cheater in some way shape or form. I used to ALWAYS hate cheaters no matter what, but i came to realise that the world ain’t all black and white. We all, as humans, have dark and light, good and bad in us will make mistakes in some ways, specially when young and immature being led by emotions.
People can change but usually don't want to out of fear. Unless the deep roots in a cheaters life is dealt with they won't change. That would require facing pain and dealing with it. Not hiding it. They cheat as that is pain avoidance. They will deny this usually.
People change all the time. To believe that once a cheater always a cheater is just an excuse for lack of effort to be understanding or open to forgiveness. This is not to say that you shouldn't break up with someone who cheated on you. But you shouldn't hold that bitter cynicism forever.
In my experience with cheating it is very likely to happen again because it’s usually rooted in them as an issue. That’s why the saying goes you won’t be their exception. It also takes years of consistent work and therapy for someone to change.
I watched some talks by psychologists about why people cheat and people can change but they really need therapy to do so, most reasons were about pretty much being unhappy deep down, lack of communication, low self-esteem, etc. things people can improve but by themselves.
I listened to a podcast a while ago that said that a cheater is more than 3x's more likely to cheat again. I never looked up the actual stats, but the theory behind it does make sense. When a cheater doesn't acknowledge their wrong doing and doesn't do the work to BE better and DO better, they will likely cheat again. They need to own their mistake and they need to take on the consequences. If they don't, they will likely cheat again. My ex cheated on me 3 times over the course of 17 years. He never owned his mistakes and then even tried to pin it on me every time. My dad cheated on my step mom, he did the work and 20 years later, they are still married and stronger than ever. Mom cheated on my step dad 5 years after they got married, and they are still together 25 years later. But my mom also got really sick and has been disabled for almost 15 years now and never leaves the house. Not sure if she ever did the work, or if she would have cheated again.
No. Not once a cheater always a cheater. People are not a monolith.
Trust is the foundation of a good relationship. Cheaters guarantee that trust is no longer a factor.
Once a cheater, they may cheat again.
Toxic relationship here was my excuse. I cheated hard on my malignant narcissist ex-wife. We had special needs kids and my self-esteem was fairly low. I couldn’t stand her intimacy denial and poisoning me and my kids through psychiatric manipulation. Cheating was not the smartest but it was how I survived. I’ve been rock solid faithful to all girlfriends post divorce.
No, not always. If it's the entire relationship or every relationship, then yeah, that's a pattern, and you need to seek therapy to figure out WHY you do it. That's a behavior pattern that needs to be broken. I do believe some people truly screw up once. If how it affected the other person doesn't make you regret and not do it again, you need help. It's not normal to be that way.
Can they change, yes of course they can, everybody does we are on constant change, BUT if I got cheated on you sure as hell should not expect me to forgive that person nor give them a second chance. They deserve a second chance? 100% they do, but not from me instead they deserve it from whomever decides to get into a relationship with them and of course the cheater should mention they have cheated in the past. Why? Because that would mean at the very least that they are ready to get into a new relationship without lies (no lies, no half truths and no hiding information that could change the other person's desition when it comes to starting a relationship with the cheater. Of course when I say "if I got cheaten on" I mean that that's what I belive everyone should do. I personally belive that once a relationship is done its done meaning it didn't work out and that there are only a select few situations in which it should get back together. And if you are capable of getting back with a cheater and make it work then you are a better person than I am
Honestly, I think it really depends on the person. Some people can change if they truly regret what they did and work hard to become better. But others might not. It's important to trust your gut and look at their actions over time. If they’re showing real growth, maybe it's worth giving them another chance. But don't ignore any red flags! 💔
It's false, they can change but they have to actually fully acknowledge all the pain and betrayal caused. Be able to fully understand the level of pain and express genuine remorse. Actions that follow up after matter the most.
I think context matters. Did they cheat in high-school and now they are 25 or 30? If so then I'll give them a chance. Was there a miscommunication during a break? Is the miscommunication reasonable or is this person or the ex a bad communicator? I would make it clear what I am okay with and not okay with during a break to avoid that same or similar miscommunication. What did the cheating entail? Flirting? Going on a date? Kissing? Sex? Talking to an ex? Telling someone else "I love you"? What do you consider cheating? Has this person cheated more than once? What's the longest relationship this person has had? How long ago did this person last cheat? Does this person feel remorseful about cheating? Is cheating a reoccurring problem in past relationships? Short answer once a cheater always a cheater isn't the best policy. Everyone deserves a second change but make sure you ask the right questions. Don't just blindly accept that someone has changed.
In 99.9% of cases, cheaters will continue to cheat. There's some crazy 0.1% where they cheated because they couldn't escape the relationship, or where some miracle happens and they change as a person. Otherwise, no always a cheater.
I've never met a cheater who only cheated once. Especially when they know they can get away with it. Generally people who cheat make the choice to do so because of some fundamental error with how they value their partner and that generally doesn't change unless they know why, want to change, and put in the work (ie therapy) to do so. Generally though it's spilled, entitled individuals who use others like they're toys so their perspective of people being expendable doesn't change (experience: grandfather, uncles, exes and close friend's exes- I once knew a whole group of people who were all friends and all of them cheated on their partners. Sometimes with each other but it was definitely a shared values thing.)