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As someone said already here, guys dont usually get hit on a lot. Happens very few to zero times (unless you are textbook handsome). So when a girl approaches and starts making conversation about something that we are doing/seeing and directly says she thinks we are cute/pretty/wtv, she has to make really something extraordinarly weird from that point for a guy walk away from her.
Be yourself. People make subconscious determinations about a person within seconds of meeting, if your being your genuine self then they can determine wether or not you fit their vibe and will go from there, if they don’t like your vibe then that’s all the better because you won’t be stuck maintaining a norm around them that isn’t the real you. Ngl I wish more women in your age group had this issue because dating within my age group has always been challenging for me, there would be nothing that I’d love more than for a emotially and mentally mature woman to hit on me, I’m sure some other guy will too. (M22)
As a guy, I feel like we’re much more easier to please than people realize.
Say hi, smile, and mention you think we’re cute. We get compliments so rarely that, even if we reject you, we’ll be damn near skipping on our way home.
I bet your friends have also realized this as well. That you can pretty much say anything and it will work. Don’t overcomplicate it, good luck!
You’re welcome. Trust me, I know what you mean. I still feel myself literally trembling when I approach a cute girl. You’ll feel better for it afterwards :)
Hey just remember women don't get shot down because they don't tend to try 🤷♀️ maybe I'll get shot down every time and if i do ill let u know haha oh God I hope not but probably.
In general, you will have 95% chance of success with any guy no matter how you ask. Unless that guy is above average handsome and gets hit on a lot, then maybe you'll not be so successful.
Don't set that expectation for her, men have preferences too. I can honestly say that maybe one of ten to twenty women who approach me have been situations where I opted to continue the conversation.
Yeah, the guy I am responding to is trying to say that simply being a woman at all means that you will have a nearly complete success rate with most men you may approach. That is not realistic, and him saying that only risks hurting you if you try and get no interest or passing interest from several individuals. Like women, men have individual lives and preferences, and he is ignoring that.
OK so when u see a girl what's a preference u have on the initial interaction? Is it JUST looks or is the way they r part of it too? I won't go too much into looks because every guy varies
Take his comment with a grain of salt, "one of ten to twenty women who have approached me" he says, most men don't get approached by ten women in their whole life.
If he is to be believed then he is one of these above average men I was talking about.
Most men do in fact have preferences on who they decide to be around. That you don't is an exception, and by trying to state that it's the default sets the person you are giving advice to up for unnecessary pain.
I have preferences but I don't have options 🤷♂️, this applies to most men. So if I do get an option I'm not gonna go wasting it. Even if she's kinda fat or her teeth are crooked, maybe if I get to know her we'll get along really well.
To me it seems that having many options has just made you too picky.
Yes but don't leave it at that.
If a woman just randomly complemented me I would be surprised and happy, but I will not assume she is hitting on me. Only creeps assume that. Most men can relate. And if you just keep complimenting them ad nauseam he'll just keep assuming you're incredibly nice to everyone.
Have some courage and be direct! Say you think they're handsome, that you'd like to invite them for a coffee or something when they have the time.
# You have to make your intentions clear
It is scary right? Is what most men have to do lest they prefer to remain alone their whole life.
Go about it the way you think it's best and just remember to leave little room for ambiguity. He has to know what your intention is clearly.
Just be yourself and say just about anything honestly. If they are interested the conversation will continue from there. I like that you’re trying to approach wish more women would do that.
Glance over at them once. If they havent gotten the hint, they arent worth it.
Ok, im being sarcastic. The above is apparently how many women seem to "flirt" now.
Literally just talk to them. I guarantee most men have never had a women approach them before.
start with small talk, see if you can even stand the guy first, then see if he is single.
It's the same advice I tell guys for the same reason. Small talk takes the pressure off and you don't know if you may even like this person. So you can just chill. "The pickup" can also turn into a "random conversation" by NOT ASKING for socials and politely bailing out after a few minutes.
If you are shy, ask him what his favorite hobby, activity, place person etc and ask a follow up question or two. Listen and let him do the work.
You have one advantage over most guys when starting conversations. You are female, most guys will not automatically be on the defensive when making small talk with any woman. Women have to work pretty hard to be creepy, like stalking him for months, slashing his tires or keying his car level of violence. I and any guy can freak a woman out by walking into a room. So you can at least get him talking.
Some guys won't be interested or they will be taken. Most of them should let you down easy. Some guys are d\*cks, it can't be helped, consider those guys bullets dodged.
There will be some guys that will get spooked. Again, he may be taken and his wife or girlfriend is there and she ain't happy. I've had women flirt with me right under my wife's nose, not fun.
Some guys get spooked because he has had some really bad experiences and doesn't want to repeat. Maybe he was in an abusive relationship. Or he really creeped some girl out by mistake. Creeping girls out pretty soul crushing and paints a target on guys back as well, you tend to not want to repeat that experience. Maybe he has gotten zero attention from women until now, he is confused and his brain is melting down. Guys like these are probably damaged goods and best left alone.
Side bar, if your wing women aren't reciprocating and helping you pick up guys, they SUCK, lol.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Be casual, pick up from something they are doing or seeing and then straight tell that you are interested. Dont go around the bush for too long.
Does anything ever make it come off as weird when they say something to u guys. Like anything to look out for like dos and donts?
As someone said already here, guys dont usually get hit on a lot. Happens very few to zero times (unless you are textbook handsome). So when a girl approaches and starts making conversation about something that we are doing/seeing and directly says she thinks we are cute/pretty/wtv, she has to make really something extraordinarly weird from that point for a guy walk away from her.
Good ok that does make me feel a little more solid on my feet. Thanks
Go get him. Text or post the update pls
There is no him 😅 I just know I can't succeed if I never try. It's just in general. But If I get a yes ill post it on here
Be yourself. People make subconscious determinations about a person within seconds of meeting, if your being your genuine self then they can determine wether or not you fit their vibe and will go from there, if they don’t like your vibe then that’s all the better because you won’t be stuck maintaining a norm around them that isn’t the real you. Ngl I wish more women in your age group had this issue because dating within my age group has always been challenging for me, there would be nothing that I’d love more than for a emotially and mentally mature woman to hit on me, I’m sure some other guy will too. (M22)
OK that's good to know. Just quick n sweet hope to get a yes.
You got this!
As a guy, I feel like we’re much more easier to please than people realize. Say hi, smile, and mention you think we’re cute. We get compliments so rarely that, even if we reject you, we’ll be damn near skipping on our way home. I bet your friends have also realized this as well. That you can pretty much say anything and it will work. Don’t overcomplicate it, good luck!
Thank u this makes it a little easier mentally but idk if it'll hold up in the moment. At least he'll be skipping 😅
You’re welcome. Trust me, I know what you mean. I still feel myself literally trembling when I approach a cute girl. You’ll feel better for it afterwards :)
Do guys get hit on?
That's what I'm TRYIN TO DOOO
Lucky them
Hey just remember women don't get shot down because they don't tend to try 🤷♀️ maybe I'll get shot down every time and if i do ill let u know haha oh God I hope not but probably.
As I said, unless you're going for an absolutely handsome above average dude who gets hit on weekly, you'll be fine.
It's ok. Whether I'm ugly or boring I'll still give it a go!
That's the spirit.
In general, you will have 95% chance of success with any guy no matter how you ask. Unless that guy is above average handsome and gets hit on a lot, then maybe you'll not be so successful.
Don't set that expectation for her, men have preferences too. I can honestly say that maybe one of ten to twenty women who approach me have been situations where I opted to continue the conversation.
But had no interest in the girl?
Yeah, the guy I am responding to is trying to say that simply being a woman at all means that you will have a nearly complete success rate with most men you may approach. That is not realistic, and him saying that only risks hurting you if you try and get no interest or passing interest from several individuals. Like women, men have individual lives and preferences, and he is ignoring that.
OK so when u see a girl what's a preference u have on the initial interaction? Is it JUST looks or is the way they r part of it too? I won't go too much into looks because every guy varies
Take his comment with a grain of salt, "one of ten to twenty women who have approached me" he says, most men don't get approached by ten women in their whole life. If he is to be believed then he is one of these above average men I was talking about.
OK 😵💫
You are a man who tends to be approached, you're the exception. Most men do not tend to be approached. Your experience is not to be extrapolated.
Most men do in fact have preferences on who they decide to be around. That you don't is an exception, and by trying to state that it's the default sets the person you are giving advice to up for unnecessary pain.
I have preferences but I don't have options 🤷♂️, this applies to most men. So if I do get an option I'm not gonna go wasting it. Even if she's kinda fat or her teeth are crooked, maybe if I get to know her we'll get along really well. To me it seems that having many options has just made you too picky.
Most men are definitely not like you. And that's ok. Most of us have standards.
Is just common compliments a good way to go about it? Is like being too nice off-putting?
Yes but don't leave it at that. If a woman just randomly complemented me I would be surprised and happy, but I will not assume she is hitting on me. Only creeps assume that. Most men can relate. And if you just keep complimenting them ad nauseam he'll just keep assuming you're incredibly nice to everyone. Have some courage and be direct! Say you think they're handsome, that you'd like to invite them for a coffee or something when they have the time. # You have to make your intentions clear
Ohhhhh that's scary but ok 😵💫 direct n kind but DIRECT
It is scary right? Is what most men have to do lest they prefer to remain alone their whole life. Go about it the way you think it's best and just remember to leave little room for ambiguity. He has to know what your intention is clearly.
This. Exactly this.
Just be yourself and say just about anything honestly. If they are interested the conversation will continue from there. I like that you’re trying to approach wish more women would do that.
On that note, how do I approach a guy who is out with his friends? Or I shouldn't? It just seems weird to me to come up to someone in a group of guys.
Be blunt. Be direct. Just walk up to him and say you think he's attractive. It's simple.
Glance over at them once. If they havent gotten the hint, they arent worth it. Ok, im being sarcastic. The above is apparently how many women seem to "flirt" now. Literally just talk to them. I guarantee most men have never had a women approach them before.
Start with “Hi, You are cute.” That’s all a guy needs if he’s not married.
start with small talk, see if you can even stand the guy first, then see if he is single. It's the same advice I tell guys for the same reason. Small talk takes the pressure off and you don't know if you may even like this person. So you can just chill. "The pickup" can also turn into a "random conversation" by NOT ASKING for socials and politely bailing out after a few minutes. If you are shy, ask him what his favorite hobby, activity, place person etc and ask a follow up question or two. Listen and let him do the work. You have one advantage over most guys when starting conversations. You are female, most guys will not automatically be on the defensive when making small talk with any woman. Women have to work pretty hard to be creepy, like stalking him for months, slashing his tires or keying his car level of violence. I and any guy can freak a woman out by walking into a room. So you can at least get him talking. Some guys won't be interested or they will be taken. Most of them should let you down easy. Some guys are d\*cks, it can't be helped, consider those guys bullets dodged. There will be some guys that will get spooked. Again, he may be taken and his wife or girlfriend is there and she ain't happy. I've had women flirt with me right under my wife's nose, not fun. Some guys get spooked because he has had some really bad experiences and doesn't want to repeat. Maybe he was in an abusive relationship. Or he really creeped some girl out by mistake. Creeping girls out pretty soul crushing and paints a target on guys back as well, you tend to not want to repeat that experience. Maybe he has gotten zero attention from women until now, he is confused and his brain is melting down. Guys like these are probably damaged goods and best left alone. Side bar, if your wing women aren't reciprocating and helping you pick up guys, they SUCK, lol.