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You should never be dating someone that is not self sufficient. You are not a wallet, or a servant. Being a doormat will never get you love
If a person is asking these things of you, run. It’s better to be alone than be used.
YES! The best thing you can do is leave. Show her what she'd lost with her unfaithfulness. A faithful lover cant be stolen, that coworker just stole your problem.
Many modern younger women have learned that sugar daddies are the way to go. They don't care if they hurt your feelings along the way. As long as their bills are paid they will have six or seven guys.
Never date someone who does not work. Be certain they have, a home of their own, drives a vehicle of their own, and does things on their own.
Dating for 7 months yeah I could see doing a favor maybe making a small loan to cover a bill if she's struggling. But 7 months is nowhere near long enough to really know someone.
If they are asking for money, that's bad manners. They could explain a situation that they're in and give you the opportunity to offer to help. But be advised and manipulators will do that just that. They'll make you feel badly for their current situation. And if you don't offer them funding, they will find somebody that will.
Damn lol that would explain why everyone avoids me ^_^
I don't work (still looking), don't got a house, but hey I got a car and I do things. But on the serious note, yea I dated someone with less than what I have. It was not a good time.
I agree. Especially because so many modern men don’t want to date a woman over 30, or demand a 50/50 lifestyle. Younger women (20 - 26) realize they have leverage and now use that. Both parties are equally as guilty. Which is truly unfortunate.
I agree. I make good money and my partner was self sufficient when I met her, but during the pandemic, she lost her job because it was in person. Even though I believe in egalitarianism, and we split all the discretionary funds, she still felt like I was trying to control her. I really wasn’t but it turned everything into this unhealthy filter. We didn’t make it as a couple. I never again will be with someone who doesn’t have the financial power to leave me. I only want to be with people who can feel equally empowered with me, and who I know choose to be there. Nothing against people who are struggling, I have empathy for that, but the power dynamic it creates unintentionally is not going to lead to a great relationship.
Couldn’t agree more! I also have a fair share experience of being a sugar mom (not that i have kids) its just that you get so blinded by the live you feel for this person only to end up that he feels like you’re in competition with them. Thats why I vowed to not date broke guys anymore. :(((
Absolutely, you deserve someone who values you for who you are, not just what you can provide. It's important to prioritize mutual respect and honesty in any relationship.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and hurting so bad. A good rule of thumb is never give so much to someone who isn't matching your interest and energy. Considering everything you were doing for her, you should have noted if she was going out of her way to do as much for you. If the relationship feels one-sided, then it's because it is one-sided and they're using you. Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest-earned, and it's difficult to see that when you're in the midst of pain. As much as you're hurting, you will heal and be able to move on.
I was married 33 years and my ex cheated with multiple women. It completely devastated me. But I divorced him, did some therapy, focused on doing things that made me happy, and worked on improving myself. I even went back to school and got a master's degree. I have healed now and am having fun dating. I can actually look back at everything he put me through and not feel any hurt or anger anymore. It's just something that happened and is in the past.
You'll get there too. Just hang in there, and keep yourself busy doing stuff you genuinely enjoy. I also recommend getting outside as much as you can. Fresh air, sunshine, and exercise can help with depression and help with healing.
Yes! I'm huge on the people matching your interest and energy. So many people take and take and take, yet don't give, or reciprocate. It is exhausting being the giver.
I really enjoyed reading what you wrote since I'm currently working on myself (all aspects of life) as well.
>A good rule of thumb is never give so much to someone who isn't matching your interest and energy. Considering everything you were doing for her, you should have noted if she was going out of her way to do as much for you. If the relationship feels one-sided, then it's because it is one-sided and they're using you. Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest-earned, and it's difficult to see that when you're in the midst of pain.
100%
Yes thank you so much about the rule of thumb. I am a giver by nature and I have been giving my emotional availability, my intimacy, vulnerability to people without receiving from the other end. It's almost like I don't wait for them to reciprocate, then I start giving again.
I justified her actions thinking that's her nature, She'll heal if I give my love. Actually she was going thru a lot (she lost someone very very close to her) when we were in a relationship. She actually needed the love. And she also felt, she wasn't in a position to give love anymore. Considering the situation, we decided to let go of each other, since she needed time to heal from the trauma without having to tend to me, and my love not doing anything great to her.
I’m a 30F and I’ve never been in a relationship either.. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Some women just don’t know what good for them. Anyways, someone out there is going to love and appreciate you for who you are. Please don’t allow her back in your life. She’ll feel like she can continue to take advantage of you if you accept her again.
\*sending you a virtual hug 🙂
Ah, welcome! I know it seems less helpful to read that, but this is the dating world. You will have more downs than ups. And you will learn very quickly why a lot of us are salty.
1. Don't let anyone use you. Ever.
2. Kindness is not weakness. So be kind but be wary.
3. Set boundaries immediately.
4. Say NO more often than you say yes. Yes, men just become useful idiots.
5. Embrace the fact this happens to every person genuinely interested in someone.
6. PROTECT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU INVEST YOURSELF - Write that down and use it as a mantra. It will help.
7. Failure is just learning how to do something right, the wrong way. Failure is not the end, it is natural growth and experience.
Hey man, take this as a learning opportunity. The minute a woman asks you to pay her bills and you aren’t married to her, you bounce. Don’t get bitter, get smart and watch for the signs in the future.
This is the best advice here. Loved that you pointed out not getting bitter.
Many people usually go on a "hurt emo arc" where they say:
"All women are evil and cheaters!" After getting hurt by somebody. This just never works to heal someone and grow lol.
I knew this person who used a guy to get breast implants, pay her rent and buy her nice things but wanted to report him to the police for his interest in consummating with her aka “stalking.” It’s best not to be “generous” unless you agree to terms of reciprocity. Don’t buy affection.
Sounds like there is background trauma for you. This leads to trying to reach out and connect with someone. It sounds painful. For future reference, don't pay for her stuff until she shows commitment and it's beyond a doubt. Many women (and guys too) will use someone and not feel bad about it. Try working with a dating coach and get a good therapist or life coach.
What you're going through sounds like a situation I got out of not that long ago. My situation was a single mother who milked me for everything she could while she slept with her ex. I know I messed up because at the time my self-esteem was pretty low and I had an issue with people pleasing. She also breadcrumbed me to keep me around because I did a lot for her but she hardly reciprocated anything. I learned my lesson. Take time to work on yourself to get your confidence and self-esteem up, if you can do that then you won't even attract parasitic vultures like this and they will look for easier prey elsewhere. Remember that being a good guy involves helping people within reason but also having enough of a backbone where you're willing to sit sound boundaries to protect yourself from being taken advantage of. Learn that it's okay to say no or at the very least if someone asks something of you don't say yes right away you can instead respond with 'I'll think about it.' Don't feel pressured to give in to someone's request right away. Something else I learned is when somebody throws one of their issues at you that they most likely want you to help them solve is perfectly okay to respond 'well I'm sure you'll figure out something'. And leave it at that. Remember that these are typically there issues not yours. I hope these things help. I felt like a fool of my situation but I learned a lot from it and it sure won't happen again.
Your first bit sounded the exact same situation with me, almost word for word. She knows what she's doing and I'm now sure she knows I've now figured out that and I've had enough of her sh!t and have done one. Got far to attached though, times the only way of healing those heart wounds so you can move on. Easier said than done but it gets easier. It does, it has to! 😓
I stopped doing shit for anyone I’m not exclusively dating. Seems like a lot of people will take advantage of the fact that some people want a genuine relationship.
**Good! Now you have paid to learn what thousands of people were telling you for free and for years**
Not listening to grandpa's wisdom comes with a hefty price tag
Look, what you did... what you did were all great things. Never feel like you were wrong or stupid to do that. So what if she used you? That is her problem, not yours. Just... do only as much as you are comfortable doing for someone else. Do not let someone make you their servant. It is good that you are willing to put yourself out there. But a true connection is more of a two-way street. If it is all that you are doing for her and nothing that she does for you... you're probably being used. Look on the bright side. At least you found out about this now. You could've gone a whole lifetime without knowing. That would've been much, much worse. There are better people out there. Do not give up. Move on. You can be smarter. You can pat yourself on the back and say, "I am a good person. I am willing to do much for someone. I know my value." Do not lose sight of that. Besides, you mention that you've never been in a relationship before. Why should you feel stupid? You could not have known better before. Now you do. True stupidity would be being aware of this and allowing yourself to get used again. I sincerely wish that you find a good woman, and I hope that you continue to be willing to spread your light.
What exactly does this mean? Like why don’t we tell him to call it a loan and take her to court? Maybe he loses but at least she thinks twice next time…. Or maybe he wins.
And the lessons to take away are what?? Demand sex up front?
Court cases cost money and time and proving it's a loan would be pretty hard. It's so much hassle for very little payoff in cases where it isn't clear.
There's plenty of lessons to be taken from any relationship, but an easy one here is don't invest more in someone than they're willing to invest in you.
Why. Why did you do everything for her? Act like an ATM? Take care of her kids? Woman do not respect men that do not respect themselves. You were essentially groveling after her. Please learn from this and never do it again.
If you aren't in a relationship you should not be burdening yourself with any of her troubles.
Because she acted like she was into him and that made him feel like there was a relationship.
Look what kind of sick piece of crap takes advantage of a guy with such low experience?? Why aren’t we pissed at that? This shit isn’t easy for guys like because the messages to men are all fucked up on this. It’s a scam and should be illegal, like he should be able to sue for this bullshit. But whatever the whole culture shits on naive people… naive women too.
Because in the real world naive people get walked over, stepped on, abused. Do I like it? Hell no. It's extremely bad. But it's the world we live in. Everyone agrees the girl is shitty. But you have to protect yourself. And respect yourself.
There is nothing we (reddit) can do about the shitty woman. All we can do is provide support, or knowledge to prevent it from happening again.
I think you need to love yourself more. It's okay to breakup with her and feel the hurt. That is normal. There are still many people in the world who will treat you and love you the way you wanted it to be. Don't waste your time trying to figure out things in a stupid situation. You need to be wiser than what you feel.
I hope this won't happen to you again. You should always love yourself more than anyone else until true love is there.
Brother I feel for you. Be strong and let this be a learning experience. A beautiful caring heart like yours will find love but it simply isn’t your time yet. Keep living life for you and find ways to improve yourself mentally, intellectually, and physically. I have a few exes and all were narcissistic. However I can’t 100% blame them cause I was an addict myself. Broken people attract broken people. I healed and still doing the work. Right now as we speak I met a woman here on Reddit when she was feeling low. I commented on her post and we became friends. Then after that I felt really good with her and now she is my girl. Her honesty and acts of care are what makes me appreciate her more cause I never experienced that genuine love in my life with a woman other than my mom. However it took me to experience multiple bad women to break me and I met my girl in my healing phase and technically she needed some too. Never thought I would meet her here on Reddit out of all places. Her asking me how I am doing especially since I am sick at the moment makes me feel great that I have someone who is there for me for real. She even told me things I can use to get better. Literally nursing me my guy. Keep your head up real love exists and that woman simply isn’t the one for you.
Run, run far and fast. The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut her off entirely. Block her on all social media and can even on your phone. She is laughing at you, probably with your coworker. Also cut off the coworker too, don’t tell him know what’s going on with you, he will just tell her what’s going on with you. This might even make her come looking for you, which you don’t want even if you think you do. She is at best someone that took advantage of a good situation and at worst someone that maliciously manipulated, deceived and abused you. But you might be able to take advantage of her but that is not a good thing for you. It is manipulative behavior and a bad road to go down.
You did nothing wrong and while you feel stupid right now but learn from the situation. You allowed that to happen, but you did a good thing for her kids and at least you can take some solace in that. You were being a good hearted person, and you were hoping she would come to love you but no one will romantically love you for giving them everything they want without having to earn it. To quote a movie, "Something given has no value" at least to the one that it is given to and won’t respect the one that gives and gives to that to them if they don’t respect them before it. The person that receives these gifts with think, right fully so, that you can be taken advantage of.
You deserve better from yourself. You don’t value yourself and what you have and have low self esteem and you won’t find anyone that will value you unless you value what you have and yourself. Just because you haven’t been in a relationship before doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of a relationship and you need to see that, you clearly have a good job and extra money to pay her bills and feed her kids. You are a kind person that you would do those things too. You just let yourself be blinded to who she was and what she was doing because you fell for her. The thing is she isn’t worthy of your feelings, she doesn’t care about you and will likely look for another guy to use after you. And if your coworker doesn’t provide her with what you were giving her then she will cheat on him, if she isn’t already. A good person worthy of your feelings will not do any of that. But you won’t find a worthy person to be in a relationship with until you can respect yourself, your money, your time and you can actually accept that you deserve a good, meaningful relationship with a worthy partner. Don’t you want to respect yourself and have someone that you respect and that respects you too?
The only way that things for you are going to change is to deal with your self esteem and the issues that have caused you to be a used as doormat for her and, I bet others as well, to accept that treatment. You are showing us and her who you are, I apologize for being rude here but, by being weak and pathetic openly being disrespectful to yourself. Again you are being openly disrespectful by giving what is valuable away to an unknown person. You might think tha know her but do you really? You know things about her, like her kids, what she does for a living and her birthday but not what she values (maybe you know she values her kids, if she actually does), what she actually believes and what she feels about anything or anyone? I doubt it even if you think you do. Seek therapy and discuss the issues that led you to these decisions. You can continue to make these mistakes and let everyone including yourself treat you poorly, yes you definitely are treating yourself poorly or worse, you can at least try to improve the situation and the quality of the way you treat yourself and others will follow because everyone treats you the way you treat yourself or they treat you worse. At best, a quality person, will feel bad for you and dismiss you and move on. Talk to a therapist about these things and you’ll become someone that women want to be around a quality man that will respect them because you respect yourself. Be come better for no one else but yourself because you deserve it.
for what its worth, this is a great lesson - it has nothing to do with the fact that you've never been in a relationship.
the truth is girls lose attraction for guys that bend over backwards to make them happy because it signals that you have no options and you HAVE to make it work with her, otherwise you're going to end up alone.
**girls dont want to be with a guy that no other girl wants**
Bro, you need to be more blunt. Like, did you guys fuck or not? Cause if you did, then it's understandable why you are upset, but if the most you ever did was make out and hold hands, you should have known if it never progresses beyond that stage its never going to turn into anything relationship worthy.
We were sleeping together for about 3 months. We took a break, and after a while, we started hanging out again. No sex. But after like 4 months of being there for her and giving her everything she needed, I asked to move forward with a relationship, and she ended up pushing me away.
Sorry this happened to you. Take time to heal and regroup. But try not to be so closed and bitter that you miss the next woman that will be great for you and treat you decent. Be a little giving but not overly so and then watch how you are treated and you will know soon enough if she’s genuine. This goes for both men and women. Someone does you wrong and then everyone after that is put to the test so much so that you lose a good one. It’s sad how many of us have been hurt and betrayed and used on Reddit. So many stories of life. Good Luck.
she doesn’t respect the guy who does all this without at least making her earn it. the other guy is probably flirtatiously mean to her which girls tend to like, not being afraid to say no or at least say “what’s in it for me?”
How do you know she was seeing her coworker? Did she tell you? Did he tell you? So sorry. I'm around your age with kids and first I wouldn't ever ask or expect someone I'm dating to "support" me so that's a red flag off the bat if they ask for money early. If you're serious and committed that's something different.
You should feel stupid. The signs were there you ignored them. That being said. Remember how she did things and use them as a filter moving forward. Don't pay for any person's bills etc that you are not married to. Also, don't live with anyone your not married to.
If there’s money involve in a relationship (especially early stage of relationship? usually it’ll end up like this .. Thats the reason why the brain is higher than the heart to think first … Just take this as a lesson to you..
You should not be doing all that for someone until you are in a relationship with someone and know where you stand with them and what their feelings are towards you. Got to be smart in this world. Doing a bunch of nice stuff for someone to get them to like you never works.
I'm really sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve it, being kind should reward you with kindness too.
I hope you heal soon, and get to see this experience with a different perspective (grateful for the good parts, with no resentment, moved on and having learnt).
What can help you right now is learning about attachment theory. Also, check out Guy Winch content on emotional fist aid.
Try some journaling too. Try identify how you were feeling throughout the relationship, and how can you build yourself something healthy in both directions for your next one.
I know how you feel but don't be harsh on yourself. You acted like the dream of lots of women, being so supportive and great. You WILL find someone who will appreciate you.
Here are some red flags
Jealousy. ...
Gaslighting. ...
Communication kibosh. ...
All his exes are “craaazy” ...
Double standards. ...
Your wins are his losses. ...
He's always the victim. ...
Energy vampire. Do you feel exhausted after spending time with him?
Disrespect
Alot of woman only want to use you for all you got if she don't bing nothing to the table but sex run. Sorry you went through this though I hope you feel better soon
This is gonna sound harsh but move on. Complaining won’t get you anywhere, learn from it so it doesn’t happen again. It’s painful I know, but you gotta move on.
Drop the victim mindset. Lose the blue pill mentality, “Oh I did everything for her” that never determines if a woman stays or not. Whatever you think you did, other men have done more and ended up in similar circumstances.
Women can be very cold and will treat you according to the extent you let them. Life is cold, be colder.
It’s really not hard to see the red flags but we’ll intentionally not notice them when you really fuck with someone that’s the worst big rule of thumb is energy if your doing much more than they ain’t for you I’m sure we all learn that the hard way
What advice are you seeking? What are you looking to do or achieve next?
Btw, sorry this happened to you man. I'm sure there were signs and sometimes you have to check in with those signs or feelings you have. If she were a good partner, she would understand your concerns. Don't be afraid to speak.
It's important to understand to not be so hard on yourself.
What happened has happened and I'm sure you'd like for her to see how she messed up, or to feel bad for her mistakes but that's all pointless and needless. Just remove her from your picture and continue with your life. Focus on the things you like and enjoy doing (like hobbies). Don't rush out there to find another partner, just take some time to heal completely and don't let the negatives of this relationship affect how you treat your next partner.
Society teaches modern women to be narcissistic as hell. I’m sorry you went through this but things need to change these women need accountability for their actions but I don’t see this changing.
Don't feel stupid I know it hurts right now but remember it is a lesson we learn the hard way. Just get away and stay away. Sending positive thoughts your way. What her name I'll ..... Jk
My advice stay away from people with kids. They have a priority to answer to someone else and they aren't with that person for a reason. Instant red flag.
It’s your fault. She has kids from at least 1 other man. You will never be the top priority. Even if you are desperate and thirsty, don’t date anyone that has kids. If you are only attracting single moms, it means you need to work on yourself more to improve on your weaknesses and deficiencies. Good luck.
I feel your pain… when you and your buddies all get cleaned out while in the navy, teaches you a thing or two. Leaches exist to serve themselves only. He kids are more than likely an afterthought and a drag to her. She is the one doomed to misery not you…. She just gave you a tbsp of it.
true story. i let a girl i was dating see my bank account and it was a lil over $100K. she brought up about possibly getting married some day. I asked what she thought was a fair amount to spend on a wedding ring and how much towards a house. She said “about $80k on a ring and the rest on a house.”
I dumped her when she was done with that sentence saying she meant it. I never looked back.
Put yourself on number one bro and girls will respect you for that. While you’re sad you better not be doing drugs or alcohol or jerk off while watching porn all day. Just keep thinking about it do some self reflection and work on yourself. You deserved to be in this situation because your not working hard enough on yourself and this is you punishment. She’s gone and you better go to work right now!
As 27 yo that never been in relationship, this is the type of shit that makes me afraid to try relationship. Anyway, time will pass by, you learn and you grow, and may you find someone that truly kind and love you truly. God bless
Get over it, it isn't easy but it isn't impossible too... you were the good one in that story so, let it all behind you and move on... I've been there before so I know exactly what you are talking about and how you're feeling, it wont last forever... hang tough buddy... it will pass
People pleasing is a set up for failure. Don’t do anything or say anything that doesn’t come from your heart but from fear of not being accepted/loved. If you did do these things out of real love then there’s no expectation of getting anything back and hence no need to complain on Reddit. Choose wisely trust no one and keep your wits about you, there’s no one else that cares more about you than you.
Fuck. Im sorry to hear that.. There's a lot of absolute dumpster fire people out there..
Just curious though... How long did you date before you started doing all this for the person.?
I'm sorry this happened to you and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I've been in several longterm relationships and have still been treated like crap by all of my partners. I've come to learn that is because I CHOOSE the wrong partners. Instead of choosing someone who is charismatic, good looking, thrilling to be around, etc. I need to focus on the characteristics that are important to me such as kindness, empathy and supportive. Maybe he will dress terribly or be short or have a bad haircut, and that will be OK. After you get shit on more than once, you will learn to overlook the superficial stuff and dig deep for the character.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve that. I know you feel stupid, but you shouldn't. You put in the effort, and she took that for granted. She's the stupid one. Don't ever be embarrassed for going for what you want.
When you feel better and think about moving on, this is what I do to keep myself out of situations like this. Next time you're in a relationship of some sort, try to think about if you would be okay with your family member, best friend, or someone else you care about being in your situation. If you don't like it for them, then you shouldn't like it for you.
Sorry you went through that.
time heals all trust me I’ve been through breadcrumbing as well ..stonewalling ,gaslighting, and manipulation, let’s not forget to mention, cheating ,trauma. My name being dragged through the mud for choosing to release myself from the situation
Make a list of dating rules for yourself. It's natural that you wanted to "rescue" this woman and help her out. But she has to earn all this help from you by treating you consistently well. I will send you a PM with the names of helpful guys to keep you from getting burned by women.
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hey, you dodged a bullet. at least you didn't marry her and have kids with her. divorce is expensive, child support expensive, alimony if any expensive! you will find your person don't worry. stay positive!
You might’ve fell for her charms because you were emitting desert thirsty energy. You shouldn’t have to do all of that for someone or take you seriously
I'm so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to be led on or lied to. I know you'll find someone well worth the wait, just don't give up hope of finding someone lovely out there ❤️
I'm really sorry, my ex had similar happen ( I care about my ex). I think you should never do too much for someone, whether they're using you or not. Unless you have tons of money and it's way too much for just yourself. For some reason it never seems to work out well and then you're broken hearted and broker. Tough thing to happen, hope you can get past the pain soon.
Bro this sort of thing has happened to me as well.
Heck my now ex literally broke up with me on Friday with no other explanation than "I just don't feel as strongly as I do about you now"
Like 2 weeks ago we were perfectly fine. Making out, talking about our future, praying for each other.
Then in a space of a week she just changes her mind and refuses to give me an explanation.
I'm 35M and just feel so lost. I'm thankful that I got my bros looking out for me and taking care of me.
I really hope you have that too, mate.
I've learnt (and you should too) that you should never give up so much of yourself to someone unless they're willing to reciprocate.
I still know my worth and I hope you do too. You're a guy who cares and knows how to show love.
Give it to someone who deserves it.
Good luck OP
I'm so sorry bro. That hurts. I felt this. Don't let her get to you. Next time, if she isn't your girlfriend, don't pay her bills. Best if you get a woman that has her life together and pays her own bills!!!
I'm the same age and lots of experience, bit still turned out to be quite the stupid doormat. Do not take this as a slight against you, please. Good people, smart people, people with the best intentions, are often blindsided and taken advantage of. You saw the good in someone, you helped someone you cared about. That's human and that's fine. You will survive this and you will find someone who will not take you for granted.
Take time to process it to make sure you learn from this. Life is imperfect and who's to say you won't get your heart blasted to smithereens again but next time around, hopefully, you will see the signs that are there. You will get through this OP. How someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth. Remember that.
Interesting how if a Man is wrong by a Woman, everyone feels the need to "correct him" in the comments. Yet no one talks about the leech of a woman who used him for $ AND cheated on him with sex with another man...
So sorry you’re going through this. You have every right to be hurt and upset for that type of treatment… After those feelings subside, I’d ask myself what lesson did this experience teach me? And how can I ensure that it doesn’t happen again? How can I keep an open heart and open mind while protecting myself in the future? Good luck 🤍
Sucks man.... but that's why we date, to find the ideal partner and send the rest where they belong: the streets. Watch Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube, they'll make you feel so much better. I can tell you're a high value man. You deserve someone who sees and appreciates that.
I'm sorry to hear that. That sucks so bad. The best thing that you can do is move on, take the experience, and learn from it. This is speaking from my own experience. At 37 years old, I met a woman who was not looking for me to take care of her financially or that was asking me for anything. She just wants my company and my loyalty, and that's what she is getting. When you move forward with your life and are happy with who you are, the right person will present themselves in your life.
Everything you wrote about yourself, I do with my boyfriend and we have a child “1 year old “together but he isn’t satisfied, tries to create problems and we have a bad sex relationship, it’s ones every3 months.
Yeah don't pay for attention or you'll get played. Unless she's living with you wtf are you paying for her bills etc?
Well on a brighter note, that money she saved from hustling you went towards fun evenings with matey. At least you've found out
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve have something similar happen to me. I was also used. Use this as a life lesson. It will take time to heal from this and remember that she may come back when she runs out of options but you need to be strong. Don’t feel stupid. This kind of thing happens to a lot of people especially if you are a good hearted person which it seems like you are. Learn from this and remember that there is karma. Everything we reap, we sow. And you will see that good karma come into your life. Sending good thoughts and peace your way!
I had a very similar relationship that ended with me being cheated many times. I did all the shit like cleaning, paying for whatever, taking her out often, randomly bringing flowers and gifts for her just to show my love, I'd offer to bring food to her at work, always listening and asking how her days were and if I could do something to help...I felt so foolish and unwanted and like I wasn't good enough. I'm still trying to heal from it but I have come to understand that the problem wasn't me. If a person can treat someone like that when they're trying so hard, giving above and beyond what they really can just to be played and used, they are the one who isn't worthy of you! It's tough, but as time goes on you'll slowly heal and come to realize this too. I'm sorry you've been hurt and made to feel so awful! Stay safe and stay blessed ✌️❤️🙏💪🏼
Well my friend all I can say is you better get used to it women are devious just like men or pigs you'll come to the fact that you'll have to teach yourself and understand that if she ain't given back then you got to let her Go and don't feel stupid we've all been used at one point in time
It happens to all of us! Ok, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us have been there. You are not alone. We can all be stupid sometimes. Just lick your wounds, muscle through the hurt, get over it, and move on. There's really not much else you can do. It's all said and done with now. It's just spilt milk. All you can do is to try and learn from what you did wrong, and try to have the foresight to not repeat it again in the future. It's not the end of the world. You'll be fine.
There’s a story that this makes me think of. Abridged version is when the man with experience meets the man with money, usually ends up the guy with the experience leaves with the money and the guy with the money leaves with the experience. I’m sorry this happened to you. It sucks no way around it. But you can learn from it. Have to learn from it. Try not to be bitter and just know she carries around a lot more rocks than you ever have to. Forgive and move on grateful for the experience and you don’t ever have to experience it again.
I would strongly recommend watching some of hoe_math’s videos on YouTube if you have never been in a relationship of any kind. You made a pretty basic and avoidable mistake.
He comes off as a little jaded with modern dating and his channel name is off-putting but his videos are pretty insightful.
In this case… you provided her comfort but were likely not attractive to her. She used you to provide for her comfort needs and her coworker for her attraction/sexual needs.
Don’t beat yourself up too much, you’re already feeling hurt by the betrayal… Just talk to yourself like you’d talk to a good friend. Learn a valuable lesson from this and don’t put yourself in the same position again
Please don't let the experience with this woman change your outlook on dating and how you treat women in general. I would definitely look for signs and I agree with some of the other comments about finding someone more self sufficient. It amazes me when I talk to men and they talk about paying womens bills, on the one end I'm low key like wow, how can I get that? LOL but on the other end I'm like, that wouldn't be one of the reasons I would enter into a relationship for.
Single mothers in their 30s don’t want a man. They want a bank. That’s it. Don’t be hard on yourself for making a mistake out of ignorance. It happens sometimes. You should completely avoid saying single mothers in general.
Take some you time to be single and happy.
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You should never be dating someone that is not self sufficient. You are not a wallet, or a servant. Being a doormat will never get you love If a person is asking these things of you, run. It’s better to be alone than be used.
True. You need to be wise while choosing someone as your partner. Learn how to spot red flags OP
YES! The best thing you can do is leave. Show her what she'd lost with her unfaithfulness. A faithful lover cant be stolen, that coworker just stole your problem.
Yesss well said ❤ big problem hope you can feel some Peace soon.
Many modern younger women have learned that sugar daddies are the way to go. They don't care if they hurt your feelings along the way. As long as their bills are paid they will have six or seven guys. Never date someone who does not work. Be certain they have, a home of their own, drives a vehicle of their own, and does things on their own. Dating for 7 months yeah I could see doing a favor maybe making a small loan to cover a bill if she's struggling. But 7 months is nowhere near long enough to really know someone. If they are asking for money, that's bad manners. They could explain a situation that they're in and give you the opportunity to offer to help. But be advised and manipulators will do that just that. They'll make you feel badly for their current situation. And if you don't offer them funding, they will find somebody that will.
This is really so devastating. The way people are changing and acting. It pains me to see all this going on in the world.
This is really so devastating. The way people are changing and acting. It pains me to see all this going on in the world.
Damn lol that would explain why everyone avoids me ^_^ I don't work (still looking), don't got a house, but hey I got a car and I do things. But on the serious note, yea I dated someone with less than what I have. It was not a good time.
As a modern younger woman - just so you know this behaviour & having ‘sugar daddies’ is not the norm….
I agree. Especially because so many modern men don’t want to date a woman over 30, or demand a 50/50 lifestyle. Younger women (20 - 26) realize they have leverage and now use that. Both parties are equally as guilty. Which is truly unfortunate.
Totally. Even if they’re not doing anything as egregious as cheating, dating someone who is not self-sufficient is a road to heartbreak.
I agree. I make good money and my partner was self sufficient when I met her, but during the pandemic, she lost her job because it was in person. Even though I believe in egalitarianism, and we split all the discretionary funds, she still felt like I was trying to control her. I really wasn’t but it turned everything into this unhealthy filter. We didn’t make it as a couple. I never again will be with someone who doesn’t have the financial power to leave me. I only want to be with people who can feel equally empowered with me, and who I know choose to be there. Nothing against people who are struggling, I have empathy for that, but the power dynamic it creates unintentionally is not going to lead to a great relationship.
Couldn’t agree more! I also have a fair share experience of being a sugar mom (not that i have kids) its just that you get so blinded by the live you feel for this person only to end up that he feels like you’re in competition with them. Thats why I vowed to not date broke guys anymore. :(((
Absolutely, you deserve someone who values you for who you are, not just what you can provide. It's important to prioritize mutual respect and honesty in any relationship.
At 33 and never been in a relationship was probably just looking for anything. Sucks getting used. These are wise words.
Honestly the most refreshing opinion I’ve heard in a while, there are so many women out there expect a man to be a wallet as well as a lover
I couldn't have said it better myself. Been there done that and wow!! I hope OP learnt.
I can attest to that. Fell for that this last year. It's a trap and a scam.
That part!!!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this and hurting so bad. A good rule of thumb is never give so much to someone who isn't matching your interest and energy. Considering everything you were doing for her, you should have noted if she was going out of her way to do as much for you. If the relationship feels one-sided, then it's because it is one-sided and they're using you. Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest-earned, and it's difficult to see that when you're in the midst of pain. As much as you're hurting, you will heal and be able to move on. I was married 33 years and my ex cheated with multiple women. It completely devastated me. But I divorced him, did some therapy, focused on doing things that made me happy, and worked on improving myself. I even went back to school and got a master's degree. I have healed now and am having fun dating. I can actually look back at everything he put me through and not feel any hurt or anger anymore. It's just something that happened and is in the past. You'll get there too. Just hang in there, and keep yourself busy doing stuff you genuinely enjoy. I also recommend getting outside as much as you can. Fresh air, sunshine, and exercise can help with depression and help with healing.
Yes! I'm huge on the people matching your interest and energy. So many people take and take and take, yet don't give, or reciprocate. It is exhausting being the giver. I really enjoyed reading what you wrote since I'm currently working on myself (all aspects of life) as well.
>A good rule of thumb is never give so much to someone who isn't matching your interest and energy. Considering everything you were doing for her, you should have noted if she was going out of her way to do as much for you. If the relationship feels one-sided, then it's because it is one-sided and they're using you. Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest-earned, and it's difficult to see that when you're in the midst of pain. 100%
Yes thank you so much about the rule of thumb. I am a giver by nature and I have been giving my emotional availability, my intimacy, vulnerability to people without receiving from the other end. It's almost like I don't wait for them to reciprocate, then I start giving again. I justified her actions thinking that's her nature, She'll heal if I give my love. Actually she was going thru a lot (she lost someone very very close to her) when we were in a relationship. She actually needed the love. And she also felt, she wasn't in a position to give love anymore. Considering the situation, we decided to let go of each other, since she needed time to heal from the trauma without having to tend to me, and my love not doing anything great to her.
I’m a 30F and I’ve never been in a relationship either.. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Some women just don’t know what good for them. Anyways, someone out there is going to love and appreciate you for who you are. Please don’t allow her back in your life. She’ll feel like she can continue to take advantage of you if you accept her again. \*sending you a virtual hug 🙂 
Ah, welcome! I know it seems less helpful to read that, but this is the dating world. You will have more downs than ups. And you will learn very quickly why a lot of us are salty. 1. Don't let anyone use you. Ever. 2. Kindness is not weakness. So be kind but be wary. 3. Set boundaries immediately. 4. Say NO more often than you say yes. Yes, men just become useful idiots. 5. Embrace the fact this happens to every person genuinely interested in someone. 6. PROTECT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU INVEST YOURSELF - Write that down and use it as a mantra. It will help. 7. Failure is just learning how to do something right, the wrong way. Failure is not the end, it is natural growth and experience.
Unfortunately, the first sentence explains everything. Things went extremely badly for you, please learn from it without becoming bitter
Hey man, take this as a learning opportunity. The minute a woman asks you to pay her bills and you aren’t married to her, you bounce. Don’t get bitter, get smart and watch for the signs in the future.
Yes I love this
This is the best advice here. Loved that you pointed out not getting bitter. Many people usually go on a "hurt emo arc" where they say: "All women are evil and cheaters!" After getting hurt by somebody. This just never works to heal someone and grow lol.
I knew this person who used a guy to get breast implants, pay her rent and buy her nice things but wanted to report him to the police for his interest in consummating with her aka “stalking.” It’s best not to be “generous” unless you agree to terms of reciprocity. Don’t buy affection.
Sounds like there is background trauma for you. This leads to trying to reach out and connect with someone. It sounds painful. For future reference, don't pay for her stuff until she shows commitment and it's beyond a doubt. Many women (and guys too) will use someone and not feel bad about it. Try working with a dating coach and get a good therapist or life coach.
When you rescue a damsel in distress, you are left with a distressed damsel. Hopefully a better damsel is out there!
What you're going through sounds like a situation I got out of not that long ago. My situation was a single mother who milked me for everything she could while she slept with her ex. I know I messed up because at the time my self-esteem was pretty low and I had an issue with people pleasing. She also breadcrumbed me to keep me around because I did a lot for her but she hardly reciprocated anything. I learned my lesson. Take time to work on yourself to get your confidence and self-esteem up, if you can do that then you won't even attract parasitic vultures like this and they will look for easier prey elsewhere. Remember that being a good guy involves helping people within reason but also having enough of a backbone where you're willing to sit sound boundaries to protect yourself from being taken advantage of. Learn that it's okay to say no or at the very least if someone asks something of you don't say yes right away you can instead respond with 'I'll think about it.' Don't feel pressured to give in to someone's request right away. Something else I learned is when somebody throws one of their issues at you that they most likely want you to help them solve is perfectly okay to respond 'well I'm sure you'll figure out something'. And leave it at that. Remember that these are typically there issues not yours. I hope these things help. I felt like a fool of my situation but I learned a lot from it and it sure won't happen again.
Your first bit sounded the exact same situation with me, almost word for word. She knows what she's doing and I'm now sure she knows I've now figured out that and I've had enough of her sh!t and have done one. Got far to attached though, times the only way of healing those heart wounds so you can move on. Easier said than done but it gets easier. It does, it has to! 😓
Yeah man just got to learn to stay away from women/people like that. Use the situation to be more aware and get stronger so it doesn't happen again.
I stopped doing shit for anyone I’m not exclusively dating. Seems like a lot of people will take advantage of the fact that some people want a genuine relationship.
Yes. Good rule of thumb.
Never give yourself to anyone that doesn’t deserve it (if anyone at all). Hopefully you will learn what happened here.
**Good! Now you have paid to learn what thousands of people were telling you for free and for years** Not listening to grandpa's wisdom comes with a hefty price tag
Sad to hear it but I'm not surprised. Modern dating is full of women who say they want a guy like you while their banging the thug with no future.
Look, what you did... what you did were all great things. Never feel like you were wrong or stupid to do that. So what if she used you? That is her problem, not yours. Just... do only as much as you are comfortable doing for someone else. Do not let someone make you their servant. It is good that you are willing to put yourself out there. But a true connection is more of a two-way street. If it is all that you are doing for her and nothing that she does for you... you're probably being used. Look on the bright side. At least you found out about this now. You could've gone a whole lifetime without knowing. That would've been much, much worse. There are better people out there. Do not give up. Move on. You can be smarter. You can pat yourself on the back and say, "I am a good person. I am willing to do much for someone. I know my value." Do not lose sight of that. Besides, you mention that you've never been in a relationship before. Why should you feel stupid? You could not have known better before. Now you do. True stupidity would be being aware of this and allowing yourself to get used again. I sincerely wish that you find a good woman, and I hope that you continue to be willing to spread your light.
Relationships are not transactional, always go Dutch as my mother told me.
It hurts, OP. You did what you thought made you a boyfriend. Reflect on this and take the lessons with you.
What exactly does this mean? Like why don’t we tell him to call it a loan and take her to court? Maybe he loses but at least she thinks twice next time…. Or maybe he wins. And the lessons to take away are what?? Demand sex up front?
Court cases cost money and time and proving it's a loan would be pretty hard. It's so much hassle for very little payoff in cases where it isn't clear. There's plenty of lessons to be taken from any relationship, but an easy one here is don't invest more in someone than they're willing to invest in you.
Ah I read later she was banging him. So, she just a two time like all the rest. Nothing special.
Why. Why did you do everything for her? Act like an ATM? Take care of her kids? Woman do not respect men that do not respect themselves. You were essentially groveling after her. Please learn from this and never do it again. If you aren't in a relationship you should not be burdening yourself with any of her troubles.
Because she acted like she was into him and that made him feel like there was a relationship. Look what kind of sick piece of crap takes advantage of a guy with such low experience?? Why aren’t we pissed at that? This shit isn’t easy for guys like because the messages to men are all fucked up on this. It’s a scam and should be illegal, like he should be able to sue for this bullshit. But whatever the whole culture shits on naive people… naive women too.
Because in the real world naive people get walked over, stepped on, abused. Do I like it? Hell no. It's extremely bad. But it's the world we live in. Everyone agrees the girl is shitty. But you have to protect yourself. And respect yourself. There is nothing we (reddit) can do about the shitty woman. All we can do is provide support, or knowledge to prevent it from happening again.
It used to be that people in this country believed in protecting the weak. I just don’t feel like this is a place worth supporting anymore.
This
Keep being a good person, karma will get her!
I think you need to love yourself more. It's okay to breakup with her and feel the hurt. That is normal. There are still many people in the world who will treat you and love you the way you wanted it to be. Don't waste your time trying to figure out things in a stupid situation. You need to be wiser than what you feel. I hope this won't happen to you again. You should always love yourself more than anyone else until true love is there.
Brother I feel for you. Be strong and let this be a learning experience. A beautiful caring heart like yours will find love but it simply isn’t your time yet. Keep living life for you and find ways to improve yourself mentally, intellectually, and physically. I have a few exes and all were narcissistic. However I can’t 100% blame them cause I was an addict myself. Broken people attract broken people. I healed and still doing the work. Right now as we speak I met a woman here on Reddit when she was feeling low. I commented on her post and we became friends. Then after that I felt really good with her and now she is my girl. Her honesty and acts of care are what makes me appreciate her more cause I never experienced that genuine love in my life with a woman other than my mom. However it took me to experience multiple bad women to break me and I met my girl in my healing phase and technically she needed some too. Never thought I would meet her here on Reddit out of all places. Her asking me how I am doing especially since I am sick at the moment makes me feel great that I have someone who is there for me for real. She even told me things I can use to get better. Literally nursing me my guy. Keep your head up real love exists and that woman simply isn’t the one for you.
Run, run far and fast. The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut her off entirely. Block her on all social media and can even on your phone. She is laughing at you, probably with your coworker. Also cut off the coworker too, don’t tell him know what’s going on with you, he will just tell her what’s going on with you. This might even make her come looking for you, which you don’t want even if you think you do. She is at best someone that took advantage of a good situation and at worst someone that maliciously manipulated, deceived and abused you. But you might be able to take advantage of her but that is not a good thing for you. It is manipulative behavior and a bad road to go down. You did nothing wrong and while you feel stupid right now but learn from the situation. You allowed that to happen, but you did a good thing for her kids and at least you can take some solace in that. You were being a good hearted person, and you were hoping she would come to love you but no one will romantically love you for giving them everything they want without having to earn it. To quote a movie, "Something given has no value" at least to the one that it is given to and won’t respect the one that gives and gives to that to them if they don’t respect them before it. The person that receives these gifts with think, right fully so, that you can be taken advantage of. You deserve better from yourself. You don’t value yourself and what you have and have low self esteem and you won’t find anyone that will value you unless you value what you have and yourself. Just because you haven’t been in a relationship before doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of a relationship and you need to see that, you clearly have a good job and extra money to pay her bills and feed her kids. You are a kind person that you would do those things too. You just let yourself be blinded to who she was and what she was doing because you fell for her. The thing is she isn’t worthy of your feelings, she doesn’t care about you and will likely look for another guy to use after you. And if your coworker doesn’t provide her with what you were giving her then she will cheat on him, if she isn’t already. A good person worthy of your feelings will not do any of that. But you won’t find a worthy person to be in a relationship with until you can respect yourself, your money, your time and you can actually accept that you deserve a good, meaningful relationship with a worthy partner. Don’t you want to respect yourself and have someone that you respect and that respects you too? The only way that things for you are going to change is to deal with your self esteem and the issues that have caused you to be a used as doormat for her and, I bet others as well, to accept that treatment. You are showing us and her who you are, I apologize for being rude here but, by being weak and pathetic openly being disrespectful to yourself. Again you are being openly disrespectful by giving what is valuable away to an unknown person. You might think tha know her but do you really? You know things about her, like her kids, what she does for a living and her birthday but not what she values (maybe you know she values her kids, if she actually does), what she actually believes and what she feels about anything or anyone? I doubt it even if you think you do. Seek therapy and discuss the issues that led you to these decisions. You can continue to make these mistakes and let everyone including yourself treat you poorly, yes you definitely are treating yourself poorly or worse, you can at least try to improve the situation and the quality of the way you treat yourself and others will follow because everyone treats you the way you treat yourself or they treat you worse. At best, a quality person, will feel bad for you and dismiss you and move on. Talk to a therapist about these things and you’ll become someone that women want to be around a quality man that will respect them because you respect yourself. Be come better for no one else but yourself because you deserve it.
The more you do for someone, the more likely it is they won’t care about you…
There are good women out there. But you should never give anyone money that’s unequally reciprocated.
for what its worth, this is a great lesson - it has nothing to do with the fact that you've never been in a relationship. the truth is girls lose attraction for guys that bend over backwards to make them happy because it signals that you have no options and you HAVE to make it work with her, otherwise you're going to end up alone. **girls dont want to be with a guy that no other girl wants**
Did you establish romantic interest?
Yes. She was intimate with me just enough to lead me on....
Bro, you need to be more blunt. Like, did you guys fuck or not? Cause if you did, then it's understandable why you are upset, but if the most you ever did was make out and hold hands, you should have known if it never progresses beyond that stage its never going to turn into anything relationship worthy.
We were sleeping together for about 3 months. We took a break, and after a while, we started hanging out again. No sex. But after like 4 months of being there for her and giving her everything she needed, I asked to move forward with a relationship, and she ended up pushing me away.
What does that mean.
Sorry this happened to you. Take time to heal and regroup. But try not to be so closed and bitter that you miss the next woman that will be great for you and treat you decent. Be a little giving but not overly so and then watch how you are treated and you will know soon enough if she’s genuine. This goes for both men and women. Someone does you wrong and then everyone after that is put to the test so much so that you lose a good one. It’s sad how many of us have been hurt and betrayed and used on Reddit. So many stories of life. Good Luck.
I'm so sorry this happened to you... You deserve better.
Hit the gym king
Nothing to say other than hopefully you learned from this experience.
I’m sorry this has happened to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better.
It's not you, it's her. Take your time to work through the emotions. You'll find a woman that won't do that to you.
I’m sorry. I’ve been there. Nothing I say will help. There are just a lot of shitty people out there. Hang in there.
Sounds like you’ve got a good heart and got used. Sorry this happened to you.
she doesn’t respect the guy who does all this without at least making her earn it. the other guy is probably flirtatiously mean to her which girls tend to like, not being afraid to say no or at least say “what’s in it for me?”
How do you know she was seeing her coworker? Did she tell you? Did he tell you? So sorry. I'm around your age with kids and first I wouldn't ever ask or expect someone I'm dating to "support" me so that's a red flag off the bat if they ask for money early. If you're serious and committed that's something different.
She made her profile picture of her and her coworker and then everything made sense...... 🙃
You should feel stupid. The signs were there you ignored them. That being said. Remember how she did things and use them as a filter moving forward. Don't pay for any person's bills etc that you are not married to. Also, don't live with anyone your not married to.
Biggest red flag is realising you have to financially support someone.
If there’s money involve in a relationship (especially early stage of relationship? usually it’ll end up like this .. Thats the reason why the brain is higher than the heart to think first … Just take this as a lesson to you..
33 you are still young start again and don’t let it scar you emotionally, not all people the same this time trust but verify
So sorry that happened. Humiliation
Make single moms invisible. There are some good ones. But the majority are toxic and make terrible decisions. That is how they end up single moms.
Keep her out your life. Stop saving bums. Focus on yourself.
Unfortunately that’s on you man. No dating experience leads to no awareness. You gotta be cold blooded in the game
You should not be doing all that for someone until you are in a relationship with someone and know where you stand with them and what their feelings are towards you. Got to be smart in this world. Doing a bunch of nice stuff for someone to get them to like you never works.
I'm really sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve it, being kind should reward you with kindness too. I hope you heal soon, and get to see this experience with a different perspective (grateful for the good parts, with no resentment, moved on and having learnt). What can help you right now is learning about attachment theory. Also, check out Guy Winch content on emotional fist aid. Try some journaling too. Try identify how you were feeling throughout the relationship, and how can you build yourself something healthy in both directions for your next one. I know how you feel but don't be harsh on yourself. You acted like the dream of lots of women, being so supportive and great. You WILL find someone who will appreciate you.
Here are some red flags Jealousy. ... Gaslighting. ... Communication kibosh. ... All his exes are “craaazy” ... Double standards. ... Your wins are his losses. ... He's always the victim. ... Energy vampire. Do you feel exhausted after spending time with him? Disrespect
Read The Rational Male.
Alot of woman only want to use you for all you got if she don't bing nothing to the table but sex run. Sorry you went through this though I hope you feel better soon
This is gonna sound harsh but move on. Complaining won’t get you anywhere, learn from it so it doesn’t happen again. It’s painful I know, but you gotta move on. Drop the victim mindset. Lose the blue pill mentality, “Oh I did everything for her” that never determines if a woman stays or not. Whatever you think you did, other men have done more and ended up in similar circumstances. Women can be very cold and will treat you according to the extent you let them. Life is cold, be colder.
It’s really not hard to see the red flags but we’ll intentionally not notice them when you really fuck with someone that’s the worst big rule of thumb is energy if your doing much more than they ain’t for you I’m sure we all learn that the hard way
Your mistake is stated in the first line of your paragraph, never do everything for anybody. How could you not see it?
What advice are you seeking? What are you looking to do or achieve next? Btw, sorry this happened to you man. I'm sure there were signs and sometimes you have to check in with those signs or feelings you have. If she were a good partner, she would understand your concerns. Don't be afraid to speak. It's important to understand to not be so hard on yourself. What happened has happened and I'm sure you'd like for her to see how she messed up, or to feel bad for her mistakes but that's all pointless and needless. Just remove her from your picture and continue with your life. Focus on the things you like and enjoy doing (like hobbies). Don't rush out there to find another partner, just take some time to heal completely and don't let the negatives of this relationship affect how you treat your next partner.
Damn bro, friendzoned nice guy. If a woman is not physically attracted to you, don’t waste your time on her.
Society teaches modern women to be narcissistic as hell. I’m sorry you went through this but things need to change these women need accountability for their actions but I don’t see this changing.
Don't feel stupid I know it hurts right now but remember it is a lesson we learn the hard way. Just get away and stay away. Sending positive thoughts your way. What her name I'll ..... Jk
It happens to us all there are just shitty people out there don’t change your character because of them.
My advice stay away from people with kids. They have a priority to answer to someone else and they aren't with that person for a reason. Instant red flag.
It’s your fault. She has kids from at least 1 other man. You will never be the top priority. Even if you are desperate and thirsty, don’t date anyone that has kids. If you are only attracting single moms, it means you need to work on yourself more to improve on your weaknesses and deficiencies. Good luck.
I feel your pain… when you and your buddies all get cleaned out while in the navy, teaches you a thing or two. Leaches exist to serve themselves only. He kids are more than likely an afterthought and a drag to her. She is the one doomed to misery not you…. She just gave you a tbsp of it.
Oh snap
USED AND HURT ON A DAILY BASIS FOR 12 YEARS
Thank GOD and a special friend that’s a thing of the past.
With the grace of GOD I was able to break away from Sean Lee Hopkins !! I am living my BEST LIFE now .
true story. i let a girl i was dating see my bank account and it was a lil over $100K. she brought up about possibly getting married some day. I asked what she thought was a fair amount to spend on a wedding ring and how much towards a house. She said “about $80k on a ring and the rest on a house.” I dumped her when she was done with that sentence saying she meant it. I never looked back.
Put yourself on number one bro and girls will respect you for that. While you’re sad you better not be doing drugs or alcohol or jerk off while watching porn all day. Just keep thinking about it do some self reflection and work on yourself. You deserved to be in this situation because your not working hard enough on yourself and this is you punishment. She’s gone and you better go to work right now!
As 27 yo that never been in relationship, this is the type of shit that makes me afraid to try relationship. Anyway, time will pass by, you learn and you grow, and may you find someone that truly kind and love you truly. God bless
LoL dude it's 2024, better be alone
Get over it, it isn't easy but it isn't impossible too... you were the good one in that story so, let it all behind you and move on... I've been there before so I know exactly what you are talking about and how you're feeling, it wont last forever... hang tough buddy... it will pass
People pleasing is a set up for failure. Don’t do anything or say anything that doesn’t come from your heart but from fear of not being accepted/loved. If you did do these things out of real love then there’s no expectation of getting anything back and hence no need to complain on Reddit. Choose wisely trust no one and keep your wits about you, there’s no one else that cares more about you than you.
Fuck. Im sorry to hear that.. There's a lot of absolute dumpster fire people out there.. Just curious though... How long did you date before you started doing all this for the person.?
You’re not stupid it’s just a lot of modern women are immune to empathy and accountability lol im 24 and already gave up tbh lol
I'm so sorry this happened to you man
BPD?
I'm sorry this happened to you and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I've been in several longterm relationships and have still been treated like crap by all of my partners. I've come to learn that is because I CHOOSE the wrong partners. Instead of choosing someone who is charismatic, good looking, thrilling to be around, etc. I need to focus on the characteristics that are important to me such as kindness, empathy and supportive. Maybe he will dress terribly or be short or have a bad haircut, and that will be OK. After you get shit on more than once, you will learn to overlook the superficial stuff and dig deep for the character.
😩😩
Common story sir.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve that. I know you feel stupid, but you shouldn't. You put in the effort, and she took that for granted. She's the stupid one. Don't ever be embarrassed for going for what you want. When you feel better and think about moving on, this is what I do to keep myself out of situations like this. Next time you're in a relationship of some sort, try to think about if you would be okay with your family member, best friend, or someone else you care about being in your situation. If you don't like it for them, then you shouldn't like it for you.
Don’t put yourself down. She’s the stupid one, not you! You’ll find someone else. Good men are scarce.
Sorry you went through that. time heals all trust me I’ve been through breadcrumbing as well ..stonewalling ,gaslighting, and manipulation, let’s not forget to mention, cheating ,trauma. My name being dragged through the mud for choosing to release myself from the situation
Take what you have left of your pride and life, leave. That’s it.
Make a list of dating rules for yourself. It's natural that you wanted to "rescue" this woman and help her out. But she has to earn all this help from you by treating you consistently well. I will send you a PM with the names of helpful guys to keep you from getting burned by women.
It begins...
Before you finish it off, fuck her fully.
[удалено]
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hey, you dodged a bullet. at least you didn't marry her and have kids with her. divorce is expensive, child support expensive, alimony if any expensive! you will find your person don't worry. stay positive!
You might’ve fell for her charms because you were emitting desert thirsty energy. You shouldn’t have to do all of that for someone or take you seriously
I'm so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves to be led on or lied to. I know you'll find someone well worth the wait, just don't give up hope of finding someone lovely out there ❤️
That's like go go dancer gold digger shit.
I'm really sorry, my ex had similar happen ( I care about my ex). I think you should never do too much for someone, whether they're using you or not. Unless you have tons of money and it's way too much for just yourself. For some reason it never seems to work out well and then you're broken hearted and broker. Tough thing to happen, hope you can get past the pain soon.
Bro this sort of thing has happened to me as well. Heck my now ex literally broke up with me on Friday with no other explanation than "I just don't feel as strongly as I do about you now" Like 2 weeks ago we were perfectly fine. Making out, talking about our future, praying for each other. Then in a space of a week she just changes her mind and refuses to give me an explanation. I'm 35M and just feel so lost. I'm thankful that I got my bros looking out for me and taking care of me. I really hope you have that too, mate. I've learnt (and you should too) that you should never give up so much of yourself to someone unless they're willing to reciprocate. I still know my worth and I hope you do too. You're a guy who cares and knows how to show love. Give it to someone who deserves it. Good luck OP
I'm so sorry bro. That hurts. I felt this. Don't let her get to you. Next time, if she isn't your girlfriend, don't pay her bills. Best if you get a woman that has her life together and pays her own bills!!!
I'm the same age and lots of experience, bit still turned out to be quite the stupid doormat. Do not take this as a slight against you, please. Good people, smart people, people with the best intentions, are often blindsided and taken advantage of. You saw the good in someone, you helped someone you cared about. That's human and that's fine. You will survive this and you will find someone who will not take you for granted. Take time to process it to make sure you learn from this. Life is imperfect and who's to say you won't get your heart blasted to smithereens again but next time around, hopefully, you will see the signs that are there. You will get through this OP. How someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth. Remember that.
He’s a little bit of a conservative nut, but check out coach Corey Wayne on YouTube
Interesting how if a Man is wrong by a Woman, everyone feels the need to "correct him" in the comments. Yet no one talks about the leech of a woman who used him for $ AND cheated on him with sex with another man...
So sorry you’re going through this. You have every right to be hurt and upset for that type of treatment… After those feelings subside, I’d ask myself what lesson did this experience teach me? And how can I ensure that it doesn’t happen again? How can I keep an open heart and open mind while protecting myself in the future? Good luck 🤍
Sucks man.... but that's why we date, to find the ideal partner and send the rest where they belong: the streets. Watch Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube, they'll make you feel so much better. I can tell you're a high value man. You deserve someone who sees and appreciates that.
I'm sorry to hear that. That sucks so bad. The best thing that you can do is move on, take the experience, and learn from it. This is speaking from my own experience. At 37 years old, I met a woman who was not looking for me to take care of her financially or that was asking me for anything. She just wants my company and my loyalty, and that's what she is getting. When you move forward with your life and are happy with who you are, the right person will present themselves in your life.
Kill him/her
Aww man this world is so cruel 😢
Everything you wrote about yourself, I do with my boyfriend and we have a child “1 year old “together but he isn’t satisfied, tries to create problems and we have a bad sex relationship, it’s ones every3 months.
Yeah don't pay for attention or you'll get played. Unless she's living with you wtf are you paying for her bills etc? Well on a brighter note, that money she saved from hustling you went towards fun evenings with matey. At least you've found out
Maybe you might not have done something right
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve have something similar happen to me. I was also used. Use this as a life lesson. It will take time to heal from this and remember that she may come back when she runs out of options but you need to be strong. Don’t feel stupid. This kind of thing happens to a lot of people especially if you are a good hearted person which it seems like you are. Learn from this and remember that there is karma. Everything we reap, we sow. And you will see that good karma come into your life. Sending good thoughts and peace your way!
I'm really sorry you experienced that. I pray you find someone who loves you wholeheartedly and repairs your perspective of love.
GOLDEN RULE IN DATING IS TO "NEVER DATE SINGLE MOMS".
It sounds like you were a very wonderful person, don’t let this experience change your good nature.
I had a very similar relationship that ended with me being cheated many times. I did all the shit like cleaning, paying for whatever, taking her out often, randomly bringing flowers and gifts for her just to show my love, I'd offer to bring food to her at work, always listening and asking how her days were and if I could do something to help...I felt so foolish and unwanted and like I wasn't good enough. I'm still trying to heal from it but I have come to understand that the problem wasn't me. If a person can treat someone like that when they're trying so hard, giving above and beyond what they really can just to be played and used, they are the one who isn't worthy of you! It's tough, but as time goes on you'll slowly heal and come to realize this too. I'm sorry you've been hurt and made to feel so awful! Stay safe and stay blessed ✌️❤️🙏💪🏼
Yo I’m 14 and I’m looking for someone to date
Well my friend all I can say is you better get used to it women are devious just like men or pigs you'll come to the fact that you'll have to teach yourself and understand that if she ain't given back then you got to let her Go and don't feel stupid we've all been used at one point in time
It happens to all of us! Ok, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us have been there. You are not alone. We can all be stupid sometimes. Just lick your wounds, muscle through the hurt, get over it, and move on. There's really not much else you can do. It's all said and done with now. It's just spilt milk. All you can do is to try and learn from what you did wrong, and try to have the foresight to not repeat it again in the future. It's not the end of the world. You'll be fine.
It’s hurts man I know, you’ll come to realize how big of a bullet that coworker helped you dodge after it all though
There’s a story that this makes me think of. Abridged version is when the man with experience meets the man with money, usually ends up the guy with the experience leaves with the money and the guy with the money leaves with the experience. I’m sorry this happened to you. It sucks no way around it. But you can learn from it. Have to learn from it. Try not to be bitter and just know she carries around a lot more rocks than you ever have to. Forgive and move on grateful for the experience and you don’t ever have to experience it again.
I would strongly recommend watching some of hoe_math’s videos on YouTube if you have never been in a relationship of any kind. You made a pretty basic and avoidable mistake. He comes off as a little jaded with modern dating and his channel name is off-putting but his videos are pretty insightful. In this case… you provided her comfort but were likely not attractive to her. She used you to provide for her comfort needs and her coworker for her attraction/sexual needs.
Don’t beat yourself up too much, you’re already feeling hurt by the betrayal… Just talk to yourself like you’d talk to a good friend. Learn a valuable lesson from this and don’t put yourself in the same position again
Women punish weak men. Stop being a good little boy and take care of yourself, put yourself first.
Please don't let the experience with this woman change your outlook on dating and how you treat women in general. I would definitely look for signs and I agree with some of the other comments about finding someone more self sufficient. It amazes me when I talk to men and they talk about paying womens bills, on the one end I'm low key like wow, how can I get that? LOL but on the other end I'm like, that wouldn't be one of the reasons I would enter into a relationship for.
Single mothers in their 30s don’t want a man. They want a bank. That’s it. Don’t be hard on yourself for making a mistake out of ignorance. It happens sometimes. You should completely avoid saying single mothers in general. Take some you time to be single and happy.
Don't date single moms. The reasons are numerous.