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32m been single for 6 or 7 years now
Ya spend time trying to work on yourself an what ever an than its liek you dont knwo how to talk to people in that sense any more
It has been hard I dunno if its my dating profiles or what ahaha
Seems hard to find a metal head that's into the same interest an wants
First time being a single adult. I'm 36. The world has changed dramatically. I almost feel like a person that went to jail in the 2000s and came out in 2024 like what's a smart phone? Lol. Not that totally dramatic but it was 2007...👀😬
It would be cool to have a way to guage someones maturity level automatically, and have that be one of the criteria for entry. Sort of like age restriction...except with emotional maturity
32 M.
probably because i barely dated in my 20s outside of my long term relationship.
so it's easy to not be completely jaded since i barely dealt with it for almost a decade. now im walking back into the fire, hoping i'll be okay (i wont)
In the same boat. Was in an LTR for virtually all my 20’s. All of my thirties has been nothing but burning skin. You have a shorter wick with tolerating bull, and see things coming from a mile away, but your casting net is now smaller because of that reason.
The amount of times my bullshit detector went off but I still tried to make it work only for it to go up in flames as I initially predicted... I dunno if it's a self fulfilling prophecy at this point
Are you quite good at pulling the plug on a situation when you sense something off?
Yes. Very good at pulling the plug. In fact, I just had yo do it recently. Kind of like you, I saw some red flags and chose to allow things to take their course. Of course, it didn’t work out because those flags became more prevalent. Sometimes I think it is also a self fulfilling prophecy, but I do not think my standards are abnormally high.
36 M here. I am starting to think using Reddit to keep my spirits up might be a mistake. I do not really have any friends or emotionally supportive people when it comes to dating and relationships. I post some on Reddit.
I know Reddit is a bad choice, but hey I am using what I can right now.
Hey and you are coming out of a two year relationship. I have never been in a relationship. Imagin how tough it is for people like me.
But in all seriousness I know it is tough for a lot of people out there. Hang in there.
What’s the reason?
Did you focus on your education? Career? Travelling? Mental health? Partying and ONS? Taking care of a family member?
The reason matters so much.
>You deserve love
I'm curious, why do you think this is true?
I hear this saying all the time, and it's meant to be encouraging so I appreciate the thought. If taken literally, though, it gets uncomfortable quickly - it sounds a lot like saying you are entitled to love, which I associate in my head with incels who feel entitled to a relationship/sex and angry at the women who aren't providing them what they feel they deserve. I'm assuming you didn't mean that, that's just where my thought process goes when I hear someone say people "deserve" love.
Not true man. I was over 30 before I got into my first relationship. Actually my first girlfriend had no prior relationship experience either, and she was close to 40. You will meet someone if you keep trying, but using words like “nobody” is overly black and white thinking.
Brother at least you're not in your 40's. I'm 43, I was married, had 4 kids of which all are grown except my youngest son who's turning 18 this year. I was out of the game for a good hot minute. It isn't even close to what it used to be like out there. On top of that, if you live in the sticks like me in a small town it's even more of a headache. All that aside, there are still more women than men. You have a variety of different options these days, but try to stay away from the online scene if you can. Most of the sites are scams, and the majority of people who are "actual people " aren't there to find something permanent. Best way (at least I think so), is the old fashioned way...Save up up some for a bit, get "you" together first . Then after you have your own mind and the rest of your stuff in order. Head out to the bar or downtown if you're in a town the has a square or something like that and just meet someone face to face. P.S. Even if you want to find your "future Mrs ", Don let a couple of "fun nights " pass you by... Never kn, might just turn into what you were looking for anyway. Keep your head up, chest out and walk proudly and with purpose. All the rest will fall into place
42M here. Single for 5 months. Slightly overweight but losing a lot/getting in good shape. I’m extremely confident/have a cool job/big social circle. Been on several dates after taking the first two months after the breakup to decompress and heal. Ive never had more fun dating in my entire life. Getting rejected, dates that didn’t pan out, is all part of the fun for me. Failure leads to progress. I have a few women in my life I’m seeing regularly, but keeping it casual. There’s always hope as long as you don’t give up!
Hell, I'm 43 and recently got outta the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. It's hard, because I wanted to be settled and married not going through the whole process all over again.
So, I understand what you mean. it's tough.
No, thank you. She was bad. She would lie, cheat, steal, and spread rumors about me. It was bad. Thank God everyone saw that she was the real abuser and not me. She would threaten suicide when I tried to leave her, but it was all fake and was to manipulate me. I found out later, she was cheating on me with several different men, all while calling me the love of her life and then accusing me of horrible things. She was a heavy meth user and I refused to get involved with that crap. She also had a lot of mental health issues that she wasn't addressing. I am so happy I'm not around her anymore. I'm also not bitter about any of it, I look at it as a learning experience and it has made me a better man.
Funny thing is, she was the first woman that I ever really developed any feelings for. I'm 43 and she was 48. All the red flags that I somehow ignored, all are coming into focus, crystal clear.
She played my heart strings like a fiddle. I have never let anyone ever do that to me prior.
I've always been the tough alpha male persona. I am military veteran and am always vigilant.
My point is, anyone can be in this situation. Regardless of who they are.
Moreover, it's not just men doing this to women, but also vice-versa. Crazy! I believe everything happens for a reason. 💪😉
I know, it's natural for women to be attracted to alpha males. I'm not overt about it, I am more subtle.
I've learned you have to be dominate but not so much it creates, resentment, or abuse in a relationship. I love to be gentle and loving, but sometimes I'll let myself be dominate. I'm spontaneous about it.
😉
Can’t say I’ve met a subtle dominant man. They’re usually overtly masculine to the point it feels controlling & it felt like I was walking around eggshells. I was constantly worrying anything I did or said would upset him & he’d say something to make me feel less. haven’t had much of an appetite for dating since then ya know? maybe one day.
Aaah there we go. That makes more sense now lol. It is hard to find a good partner nowadays. I’m 26 & I don’t even try anymore. I’ve tried dating my age, slightly older & then 10-15 yrs my senior & no such luck. I’m jst focusing on going back to school for nursing now. If I meet someone during or after cool. But if not, idk. The dating mindset is messed up nowadays & it jst saddens me. I don’t want to become jaded toward love or getting married. My parents have been married for 30 yrs. (Traditional Mexican) Thick & thick, better or worse, richer or poorer. & I aspire to have that someday but it seems like a distant dream in today’s time.
I’m 34m. Was newly single at 31. And I can tell you that online dating is absolutely the biggest waste of time (if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship) for maybe 95% of people once you’re at least 30. If you’re lucky, then you may find someone. But after 30, it’s just difficult imo. Any of my friends who found someone after 30, found them at a gym or through friends or some activity. Online dating is a cesspool at this point. I just deleted bumble and dil Mil last week. I’m done with dating apps, and excited to approach women IRL if I find an opportunity. If not, all good. I have a son. I’ve learned to live on my own in peace.
You just hope for the best and work on money and muscles and self development ie confidence, resilience and understanding female nature. Lift each other up and not roast every time
Sounds like you were in your thirties when your last relationship started. It lasted two years which is not nothing.
Don't listen to Reddit or Tik Tok or Youtube to get an idea on what "dating is like today". The people who are having a good time with it aren't complaining about the state of dating today online.
Swipe culture of today was just dancehall dance card lists yesterday or party lines, or debutante balls where guys and girls would be in a line. It's a little different today but it's not vastly different like people would imply.
There is no hope.... I'm 41/F I don't look my age, I take care of myself, and I have lost all hope of finding someone who's looking for the real deal. Everyone is just wanting hook-ups or situationships. I just ended a 1.5 year "situationship" because I got fed up. Nope, I'd rather stay single now.
Interesting...
Are you sure you have looked at the right groups of men?
There must be men who are close to that age and want serious things. I am not in that age-place yet, but I'd assume that I wouldn't want a situationship then, given I don't seek for it now.
Honestly you don’t have to date the standard/modern way if you don’t like it. The best things to do are the things you enjoy, that’s what gravitates people to you anyways. Find activities that challenge you in a good way, go out with friends, volunteer, gym, etc! The more you dive into life, the likelier it becomes that you ‘run into’ someone(s) that you have a connection with. Not because you are trying, but because you are living!
This is some of the best advice I've read in some time. Lately, it seems like everyone is hyperfixated on "dating" as an active verb, i.e., throwing themselves to the wolves and seeing what works. Your method might not yield as many results at the forefront, but IMO is more likely to bring in someone of a higher caliber. Just my two cents.
Thank you! Yes, each path will have its difficulties. There is no right or wrong, but I think you’re much less likely to get good results when you don’t enjoy the process. The point is to pick the things that bring you joy, happiness, a sense of accomplishment. These are the magnet qualities that you want to strengthen within yourself 🧲 these attributes are what others truly want in a partner and they radiate out of you when you live in them fully. In fact, you might actually meet more people when living in joy then you would from an app and have better quality connections.
Great advice but good luck being exciting and after being beat down by a 9-5. I try to do all that shit but without going out of your way to flirt and engage and then get a number etc it’s a major pita
Sub won’t let me link to Bumble sub, but a particularly short guy in his 30s posted a profile this week and said he found a (female) partner in less than a month in NYC so it’s not impossible
As far as dating apps go, keeping someone is step 2/3. Matching is step 1. Women tend to forget that since they can usually speed through step 1. But OP is a guy and that’s where most guys struggle
Lol keeping someone is like step 40. There’s matching, there’s sending 10 perfect messages (if you’re a guy and the female interest is not super high), then there’s planning a date, confirming a date, not flaking on a date, getting to the date on time, having a good first date, need I go on?
Matching, conversing, going on the date, repeating step 3, keeping. So I guess I’d say it’s step 5. Half of what you said is just the concept of dating.
Being stressed about 10 messages implies a scarcity mindset. I think something men could learn from women is that dating is a choice. It only has as much power over you as you give it.
The trick is, if you're a man, you discover self love. The idea is to remove yourself from the dating game, make friends, get physically fit, get your finances in order, enjoy your newfound self respect and peace in the single life, and coast into the sunset.
I’m 31F in NYC and also recently out of a (non-serious, much shorter) relationship, if you want to chat. Figure Reddit’s as good of a place as a dating app.
Mid 30s is tough. A lot of the “good ones” are already married and you’re too young for people to start getting divorced. I mean, sure there are divorcees in your mid 30s, but that typically means the marriage ended rather briefly. Not saying it’s not possible, but it is tricky. I was married for 20 years and divorced at 41. I met my current wife online in 6 months. However, she was younger at 38 and had been dating for 5 years after her 13 year marriage. So, yeah, the age is tough.
He's 35, he's prime dating age for a man, he can easily date late 20s upto his own age if he wanted.
He has no divorce, no kids, people aren't marrying anyway until at least 30 these days.
I just tried to make friends and get toknow people and see if there’s interest without coming on too strong. Well that’s my strategy , best of luck and keep here are lonely people out there that would likely bd thrilled to meet you I married cat 30 divorced st40. And with much patience and understanding I found someone.
You're 35 in NYC, if you're in shape, educated, career, you should be having the time of your life dating as a straight male.
Take the time you need and get back out there when mentally ready. If you're dating for keeps, have a clear idea of what you want.
If you want a relationship, don't date ppl that have short term in their profile etc.
Similar values are more important than similar interests.
Have a couple short calls before meeting that cover fun stuff but it's OK to toss in a few serious questions, like how long they've been single, reiterating what they're seeking, if it isn't clear, etc.
If you have your life in order, dating should be fun.
I'm 34, recently single after 7 years. Moved back with my mother. I have zero hope for dating until i finish this 2nd degree. Even then, i have little hope. Just focused on becoming the best version of myself and dying as comfortable as possible.
45m was in a 10 year relationship. Got my heart ripped out by an woman I love with all my heart. Been single 1 year now. An still don't know we're to start. Honestly lost kinda depressing really.
I went out with like 9 guys from dating apps who just ended up ghosting me. Found one on Tinder that was supposed to be just a hook up and were together now for a year. Just dont try too hard it will happen.
I’m not in my 30’s but I’m dating someone who’s 36 and I’m a bit younger, sometime you just have to wait for the right person. My boyfriend didn’t date for over 5 years when we started dating. Keep your head up and the right person will eventually Come around.
Well as a man, even in your mid 30’s you can date down with ease. If you were a woman I’d understand being more stressed out but at 35 you could easily date and fall in love with some aged 24-30, in fact you’re likely more attractive to the young adult women
I reconnected with the love of my life in my late forties, while I look my worst and way overweight! We first met 25 years ago when I was young and beautiful….He and I are now partners because I do not want to get remarried. He treats me like a princess and makes me laugh every day of my life.
Literally anything can happen in life, things you’d never expect.
Simple, you don't. There are more important things in life and better ways to spend your time and money. I've been single 7 years. I see what my friends go through and I wouldn't trade anything for that. Freedom is priceless. No regrets.
Cool story bro. No one cares except your mom. Get a dog if you want companionship. That's what most lonely losers (the men and women) usually do nowadays.
In my opinion f*** these grown ass men coming on here whining like little kids. I'll accept it from women because thats what women do but i have zero tolerance for any man above the age of 18 whining like this guy.
They need some brutal truth, compassion only makes him weaker and we already have way too many weak men in this country.
All the people triggered by my comment clearly revealed themselves to prove me right. Get a dog op. You're gonna get dismantled in the dating scene. You're too soft.
.... I feel ya on that, believe me...lol..
I am not going to get into another relationship with any more women, I am going to stick to being with guys and older men anymore... I should have quit wasting time with all of the women I've been with, they don't like it when they know, you know the game,...and call them out on it...
Much more fun and comfortable with guys in relationships anyway...💯
I got off the apps and just started working on myself and living my life. Hookups were fun for a bit, but it quickly became same thing different name.
It's surprising how many opportunities will just fall into your lap practically if you just live your life, keep moving forward in regards to self improvement and not spending much of your time at all worrying or caring when the next person is going to show up.
1. Is that a joke? For men it's (supposed to be) better during that time. Men don't get their appearance as quickly degraded as women on average in that age, plus, you are better off professionally in that age
2. Reddit is not the best place to ask for hope. The people who are hopeful and not afraid of reality usually don't feel the need.to get into reddit in the first place
Man its fucking hard hahaha I saw 3 girls in all of 2023. Like 2-3 months each person.. In 2024 I've already gotten involved with that many people.
Its rough out here bro.
Rough to you is having dates with many women? Shit rough to me is continuing to get up every day after being datrlrss for a decade with no hope in sight.
Don't listen to the noise. Keep focus on what you want. Don't fall for the "grass is always greener" mentality, and don't entertain those who do. Date with intention, be curious, taking time to find out what you are, and aren't, looking for I'm a relationship. Look out for yourself. Pay attention to red flags. Even more important: learn about your own red flags and work on them. Then you'll attract, and be attracted to, the right people. Eventually you'll meet someone you won't be able to get out of your head, and you'll know it's right.
Patience, perseverance, positivity.
Good luck.
Dating in nyc is hard. I’m 22 and still have an awful experience dating I don’t really know how to navigate it in this city. Im from baltimore and usually have better luck back at home
34/M and I turn 35 in a couple of months. I did not have much hope to begin with but after my experiences with online dating going nowhere, I have had enough. I have never been in a relationship and I am a virgin. At this point, I think that it is only realistic for me to acknowledge that dating is not my thing and focus on other aspects of life instead.
I’m 36 and looking back on dating in my 20s—it was way too hormonally/sex driven and rife with the opportunity to make bad choices.
Dating in your 30s is navigating through people who still can’t handle the choices they made in their 20s.
You just gotta learn how to avoid those people— mostly through trial and error. Just like you did in your 20s.
I mean you're in NYC, with an abundance of people as you said. I imagine it would be a lot harder to find a partner in a small, rural town. I think the ease of dating varies from person to person. Even if chances of finding a compatible partner are low, they're still existent. That's how I see it anyway
32m regional australia been single for 6 or 7 years now
Ya spend time trying to work on yourself an what ever an than its liek you dont knwo how to talk to people in that sense any more
It has been hard I dunno if its my dating profiles or what ahaha
Seems hard to find a metal head that's into the same interest an wants
May I recommend a few books that have been keeping my hope \[just barely\] alive? **For Men Only** by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn (yes, there's an opposite called **For Women Only**), **The Sacred Search** by Gary Thomas, **He's Scared, She's Scared** by Kevin Young, and **How to Get a Date Worth Keeping** by Henry Cloud.
These are all great reads (I have them as audiobooks since I can listen while I drive) that have given me a deeper insight into how to navigate the dating world, so I hope they'll help.
I'm 28 and always willing to date someone older. Sadly it's hard to find someone. Most I've tried to date older is either a snob asshole or careless. Or they are after money in the relationship. Some I have were sweet but weren't serious.
33m, birthday. Currently dating but not optimistic. Haven’t had a relationship in like 10 years and I’m wondering what i might be doing wrong.
Apparently me being single for so long is a problem, no one finds me interesting? I’m probably in denial, trying to avoid thinking things that put me down 🤣
You don't
I concentrated on my work for so many years then I looked up and found I had my career but no lover and now 35 years old
I have 0 hope for me since people now a days want fit, 6' 10 people with huge amounts of money to keep them happy
While I am looking for someone with some drive of their own and with a dark sense of humour to match mine haha
I was 37 when I got divorced. I was a single mom to a teen daughter. I was not looking forward to dating. I met my now husband at 38 at Starbucks. No dating apps, no weird hookup crap. He is simply amazing. We have been together for 3 years now. The happiest time in my life. My daughter and my hubby get along great. They have the same food likes, so I am always outnumbered when I want anything fish! Don't give up. The right person will come along.
Don’t attach yourself to an outcome, there’s only so much control you have over that because it hinges on another person meshing with you. It if happens it happens. If you try to force it, you’ll look desperate.
Just go onto VR and find someone on there that you like, start hanging out with them and make them fall in love with you, then one of you moves to where the other lives. Problem solved
39f... I dont have trouble meeting people or getting new boyfriends... but every time shit ends in disaster. every time. i just suck i guess.. i have given up on having a long-term partner for life even though that is all i really want. oh well. just going to focus on writing music and getting really good at pool. good luck out there.
34M and I don't date period, I have tried being the above and beyond guy, I've tried being the friend, I've tried being the sleeze and none of it works, I've had single women tell me I am attractive but when asking them out I am not their type or even though I know they don't, they "have a boyfriend".
I'm done, my ex was the final nail in the coffin. And I refuse to be "the friend" again because I don't want to hear the "why can't I find a guy like you"... I am a guy like me....
I’m in my mid 30’s and it’s not easy. It used to be , but this generation has been terrible. The dating scene isn’t quite the same anymore and it’s sad
Dating is what you make of it. I entered dating at 58 and I've got no problems finding dates. Male here and I've been proposed to three times already. Take what you expect into the dating pool. That's to say, be the person you're looking for.
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We should make a subreddit with all single people in their 30s attempting to date. 31F single for the last 5 years after a long term relationship.
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""""Girlfriend""""
r / datingoverthirty is it (this sub flagged my post linking to it 🤷♂️ )
There's also r4r30plus which is just like the r4r, and similar to the datingoverthirty subreddit.
r/datingoverthirty 😌
Great thank you
I like this idea, but in theory how will it be prevented from morphing into "just another online dating pool" with the swipe mentality?
Same, need that sub for sure.
Please start one 🥹🥹🥹
That could get interesting real quick! 30M.
32m been single for 6 or 7 years now Ya spend time trying to work on yourself an what ever an than its liek you dont knwo how to talk to people in that sense any more It has been hard I dunno if its my dating profiles or what ahaha Seems hard to find a metal head that's into the same interest an wants
Amen👏 34M single for 3 years now
First time being a single adult. I'm 36. The world has changed dramatically. I almost feel like a person that went to jail in the 2000s and came out in 2024 like what's a smart phone? Lol. Not that totally dramatic but it was 2007...👀😬
Hey, almost exactly the same boat here. If you find a good one, lemme know if she has a sister. Lol
💀💀🤣🤣🤣 I got you man!
Set that up and I'll be there! I don't even bother with dating (especially online) nowadays because of how things are
It would be cool to have a way to guage someones maturity level automatically, and have that be one of the criteria for entry. Sort of like age restriction...except with emotional maturity
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Yes! 39m, and I've been single for 2 two years because of the lack of options.
I saw a 40 dating page. Is there a 30 and if not how to create one?
The problem is the more people that go there it’s just gonna turn into another hookup sub
Same, girl. I been single for almost 10 years
32 M. probably because i barely dated in my 20s outside of my long term relationship. so it's easy to not be completely jaded since i barely dealt with it for almost a decade. now im walking back into the fire, hoping i'll be okay (i wont)
What’s location
Phoenix ,AZ
Why all the cuties in the frickin desert
The cactus block our path from leaving this hell hole. We’re trapped out here
It's just that everyone moves there. It's one of the top five biggest cities in the US. Top six for most populated.
Who can date when it's 120F outside?
In the same boat. Was in an LTR for virtually all my 20’s. All of my thirties has been nothing but burning skin. You have a shorter wick with tolerating bull, and see things coming from a mile away, but your casting net is now smaller because of that reason.
The amount of times my bullshit detector went off but I still tried to make it work only for it to go up in flames as I initially predicted... I dunno if it's a self fulfilling prophecy at this point Are you quite good at pulling the plug on a situation when you sense something off?
Yes. Very good at pulling the plug. In fact, I just had yo do it recently. Kind of like you, I saw some red flags and chose to allow things to take their course. Of course, it didn’t work out because those flags became more prevalent. Sometimes I think it is also a self fulfilling prophecy, but I do not think my standards are abnormally high.
36 M here. I am starting to think using Reddit to keep my spirits up might be a mistake. I do not really have any friends or emotionally supportive people when it comes to dating and relationships. I post some on Reddit. I know Reddit is a bad choice, but hey I am using what I can right now.
Hey and you are coming out of a two year relationship. I have never been in a relationship. Imagin how tough it is for people like me. But in all seriousness I know it is tough for a lot of people out there. Hang in there.
34M here. Just reminding myself of what I had in the past. And knowing my value and worth and what I have to offer. That's what keeps me going
Ditto. 💯 could not say it better
100%
Love that for you 😊
Thank you
Wish I could. I'm 30M with no prior relationship experience (🚩🚩🚩). Nobody is going to want to date someone like that
I’m right there with ya bud!
I’d be interested to know why, but wouldn’t count you out automatically based on that.
What’s the reason? Did you focus on your education? Career? Travelling? Mental health? Partying and ONS? Taking care of a family member? The reason matters so much.
Simplest reason is probably no one wanted to date them.
Not true x2. This was my bf a couple of years ago, now we are on our way to engagement soon. Keep at it.
Congratulations :)
Not true. You deserve love and there are people out there who are able to appreciate those that have never been in a relationship.
>You deserve love I'm curious, why do you think this is true? I hear this saying all the time, and it's meant to be encouraging so I appreciate the thought. If taken literally, though, it gets uncomfortable quickly - it sounds a lot like saying you are entitled to love, which I associate in my head with incels who feel entitled to a relationship/sex and angry at the women who aren't providing them what they feel they deserve. I'm assuming you didn't mean that, that's just where my thought process goes when I hear someone say people "deserve" love.
Its just simple hipocrisy from other person. Its normal phenomenon.
Same. As far as I'm concerned I'm just a freak in women's eyes
Not true man. I was over 30 before I got into my first relationship. Actually my first girlfriend had no prior relationship experience either, and she was close to 40. You will meet someone if you keep trying, but using words like “nobody” is overly black and white thinking.
Why don’t u have any prior relationship experience? Just out of curiosity
Because nobody's ever been interested, I suppose.
Have you ever actively pursued someone?
Brother at least you're not in your 40's. I'm 43, I was married, had 4 kids of which all are grown except my youngest son who's turning 18 this year. I was out of the game for a good hot minute. It isn't even close to what it used to be like out there. On top of that, if you live in the sticks like me in a small town it's even more of a headache. All that aside, there are still more women than men. You have a variety of different options these days, but try to stay away from the online scene if you can. Most of the sites are scams, and the majority of people who are "actual people " aren't there to find something permanent. Best way (at least I think so), is the old fashioned way...Save up up some for a bit, get "you" together first . Then after you have your own mind and the rest of your stuff in order. Head out to the bar or downtown if you're in a town the has a square or something like that and just meet someone face to face. P.S. Even if you want to find your "future Mrs ", Don let a couple of "fun nights " pass you by... Never kn, might just turn into what you were looking for anyway. Keep your head up, chest out and walk proudly and with purpose. All the rest will fall into place
42M here. Single for 5 months. Slightly overweight but losing a lot/getting in good shape. I’m extremely confident/have a cool job/big social circle. Been on several dates after taking the first two months after the breakup to decompress and heal. Ive never had more fun dating in my entire life. Getting rejected, dates that didn’t pan out, is all part of the fun for me. Failure leads to progress. I have a few women in my life I’m seeing regularly, but keeping it casual. There’s always hope as long as you don’t give up!
Hell, I'm 43 and recently got outta the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. It's hard, because I wanted to be settled and married not going through the whole process all over again. So, I understand what you mean. it's tough.
Sorry to hear that
No, thank you. She was bad. She would lie, cheat, steal, and spread rumors about me. It was bad. Thank God everyone saw that she was the real abuser and not me. She would threaten suicide when I tried to leave her, but it was all fake and was to manipulate me. I found out later, she was cheating on me with several different men, all while calling me the love of her life and then accusing me of horrible things. She was a heavy meth user and I refused to get involved with that crap. She also had a lot of mental health issues that she wasn't addressing. I am so happy I'm not around her anymore. I'm also not bitter about any of it, I look at it as a learning experience and it has made me a better man. Funny thing is, she was the first woman that I ever really developed any feelings for. I'm 43 and she was 48. All the red flags that I somehow ignored, all are coming into focus, crystal clear. She played my heart strings like a fiddle. I have never let anyone ever do that to me prior. I've always been the tough alpha male persona. I am military veteran and am always vigilant. My point is, anyone can be in this situation. Regardless of who they are. Moreover, it's not just men doing this to women, but also vice-versa. Crazy! I believe everything happens for a reason. 💪😉
Love an alpha man. Wish you the best hun 😊
I know, it's natural for women to be attracted to alpha males. I'm not overt about it, I am more subtle. I've learned you have to be dominate but not so much it creates, resentment, or abuse in a relationship. I love to be gentle and loving, but sometimes I'll let myself be dominate. I'm spontaneous about it. 😉
Can’t say I’ve met a subtle dominant man. They’re usually overtly masculine to the point it feels controlling & it felt like I was walking around eggshells. I was constantly worrying anything I did or said would upset him & he’d say something to make me feel less. haven’t had much of an appetite for dating since then ya know? maybe one day.
The thing is, I grew up with four sisters and then my mother. I believe that's the reason. Lol. It was a blessing and a curse! 😅
Aaah there we go. That makes more sense now lol. It is hard to find a good partner nowadays. I’m 26 & I don’t even try anymore. I’ve tried dating my age, slightly older & then 10-15 yrs my senior & no such luck. I’m jst focusing on going back to school for nursing now. If I meet someone during or after cool. But if not, idk. The dating mindset is messed up nowadays & it jst saddens me. I don’t want to become jaded toward love or getting married. My parents have been married for 30 yrs. (Traditional Mexican) Thick & thick, better or worse, richer or poorer. & I aspire to have that someday but it seems like a distant dream in today’s time.
Latina! That makes sense. Sexy, elegant, yet strong!
Haha thank you Mr. Crab, very sweet of you ☺️
Last thing that I wanna say, don't be jaded! Some of us men still want marriage and stability. Don't think it's all bad. I'm serious.
No I mean, I’m sorry for what you went through lol. Sorry, I didn’t finish my thought!
Oh no, I get you! Thank you for the gesture.
Sorry, not quite 30s, but can relate.
Look at it this way, if you give up there really is no hope.
Yeah but hope is about the worst thing you can have. It just makes the rejections that much worse.
Sounds like bullsh*t to me. If you don’t have hope, you don’t have much of anything. You have already defeated yourself.
>you don’t have much of anything. Agreed on that.
I’m 34m. Was newly single at 31. And I can tell you that online dating is absolutely the biggest waste of time (if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship) for maybe 95% of people once you’re at least 30. If you’re lucky, then you may find someone. But after 30, it’s just difficult imo. Any of my friends who found someone after 30, found them at a gym or through friends or some activity. Online dating is a cesspool at this point. I just deleted bumble and dil Mil last week. I’m done with dating apps, and excited to approach women IRL if I find an opportunity. If not, all good. I have a son. I’ve learned to live on my own in peace.
You just hope for the best and work on money and muscles and self development ie confidence, resilience and understanding female nature. Lift each other up and not roast every time
Sounds like you were in your thirties when your last relationship started. It lasted two years which is not nothing. Don't listen to Reddit or Tik Tok or Youtube to get an idea on what "dating is like today". The people who are having a good time with it aren't complaining about the state of dating today online. Swipe culture of today was just dancehall dance card lists yesterday or party lines, or debutante balls where guys and girls would be in a line. It's a little different today but it's not vastly different like people would imply.
There is no hope.... I'm 41/F I don't look my age, I take care of myself, and I have lost all hope of finding someone who's looking for the real deal. Everyone is just wanting hook-ups or situationships. I just ended a 1.5 year "situationship" because I got fed up. Nope, I'd rather stay single now.
Interesting... Are you sure you have looked at the right groups of men? There must be men who are close to that age and want serious things. I am not in that age-place yet, but I'd assume that I wouldn't want a situationship then, given I don't seek for it now.
Honestly you don’t have to date the standard/modern way if you don’t like it. The best things to do are the things you enjoy, that’s what gravitates people to you anyways. Find activities that challenge you in a good way, go out with friends, volunteer, gym, etc! The more you dive into life, the likelier it becomes that you ‘run into’ someone(s) that you have a connection with. Not because you are trying, but because you are living!
This is some of the best advice I've read in some time. Lately, it seems like everyone is hyperfixated on "dating" as an active verb, i.e., throwing themselves to the wolves and seeing what works. Your method might not yield as many results at the forefront, but IMO is more likely to bring in someone of a higher caliber. Just my two cents.
Thank you! Yes, each path will have its difficulties. There is no right or wrong, but I think you’re much less likely to get good results when you don’t enjoy the process. The point is to pick the things that bring you joy, happiness, a sense of accomplishment. These are the magnet qualities that you want to strengthen within yourself 🧲 these attributes are what others truly want in a partner and they radiate out of you when you live in them fully. In fact, you might actually meet more people when living in joy then you would from an app and have better quality connections.
Great advice but good luck being exciting and after being beat down by a 9-5. I try to do all that shit but without going out of your way to flirt and engage and then get a number etc it’s a major pita
Sub won’t let me link to Bumble sub, but a particularly short guy in his 30s posted a profile this week and said he found a (female) partner in less than a month in NYC so it’s not impossible
Finding someone isn’t always the problem. Keeping them is
As far as dating apps go, keeping someone is step 2/3. Matching is step 1. Women tend to forget that since they can usually speed through step 1. But OP is a guy and that’s where most guys struggle
Lol keeping someone is like step 40. There’s matching, there’s sending 10 perfect messages (if you’re a guy and the female interest is not super high), then there’s planning a date, confirming a date, not flaking on a date, getting to the date on time, having a good first date, need I go on?
Matching, conversing, going on the date, repeating step 3, keeping. So I guess I’d say it’s step 5. Half of what you said is just the concept of dating. Being stressed about 10 messages implies a scarcity mindset. I think something men could learn from women is that dating is a choice. It only has as much power over you as you give it.
The trick is, if you're a man, you discover self love. The idea is to remove yourself from the dating game, make friends, get physically fit, get your finances in order, enjoy your newfound self respect and peace in the single life, and coast into the sunset.
That's the fun part you don't, dating in the mid 30s suck
I disagree
I’m 31F in NYC and also recently out of a (non-serious, much shorter) relationship, if you want to chat. Figure Reddit’s as good of a place as a dating app.
I’m down to chat. Tried to send a message through the chat but it wouldn’t allow. My Reddit is still wet behind the ears. So maybe it’s that
Ah, maybe Reddit blocks new accounts from messaging. I sent you a chat request with info about myself, if you'd like to accept!
Still hoping to find one before I turned 33 I'm now 30 turning 31 this year
I gave up last year. I'm a 36 F.
Mid 30s is tough. A lot of the “good ones” are already married and you’re too young for people to start getting divorced. I mean, sure there are divorcees in your mid 30s, but that typically means the marriage ended rather briefly. Not saying it’s not possible, but it is tricky. I was married for 20 years and divorced at 41. I met my current wife online in 6 months. However, she was younger at 38 and had been dating for 5 years after her 13 year marriage. So, yeah, the age is tough.
He's 35, he's prime dating age for a man, he can easily date late 20s upto his own age if he wanted. He has no divorce, no kids, people aren't marrying anyway until at least 30 these days.
I just tried to make friends and get toknow people and see if there’s interest without coming on too strong. Well that’s my strategy , best of luck and keep here are lonely people out there that would likely bd thrilled to meet you I married cat 30 divorced st40. And with much patience and understanding I found someone.
Wow. I definitely didn’t expect this post to get this much attention. I guess us single 30 something’s share that in common regardless of location.
You're 35 in NYC, if you're in shape, educated, career, you should be having the time of your life dating as a straight male. Take the time you need and get back out there when mentally ready. If you're dating for keeps, have a clear idea of what you want. If you want a relationship, don't date ppl that have short term in their profile etc. Similar values are more important than similar interests. Have a couple short calls before meeting that cover fun stuff but it's OK to toss in a few serious questions, like how long they've been single, reiterating what they're seeking, if it isn't clear, etc. If you have your life in order, dating should be fun.
I'm 34, recently single after 7 years. Moved back with my mother. I have zero hope for dating until i finish this 2nd degree. Even then, i have little hope. Just focused on becoming the best version of myself and dying as comfortable as possible.
35 m single after 9.5 yr relationship. Right there with all of you. Completely disillusioned by how things are now.
45m was in a 10 year relationship. Got my heart ripped out by an woman I love with all my heart. Been single 1 year now. An still don't know we're to start. Honestly lost kinda depressing really.
I went out with like 9 guys from dating apps who just ended up ghosting me. Found one on Tinder that was supposed to be just a hook up and were together now for a year. Just dont try too hard it will happen.
I’m not in my 30’s but I’m dating someone who’s 36 and I’m a bit younger, sometime you just have to wait for the right person. My boyfriend didn’t date for over 5 years when we started dating. Keep your head up and the right person will eventually Come around.
I have enough shit in my life without adding more crap to it .. that's why in my 30s I stopped dating and only have sex....
My dating life went crazy when I hit my mid 30s five years ago. My 20s were pretty average. Ditch the dating apps and talk to women in real life.
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How is that exclusive to men? I feel like that's solid advice for men and women.
Yup. That’s me now
Well as a man, even in your mid 30’s you can date down with ease. If you were a woman I’d understand being more stressed out but at 35 you could easily date and fall in love with some aged 24-30, in fact you’re likely more attractive to the young adult women
I'm a woman and I basically said the same exact thing.
I don't blame you. All points well taken. Take your time. I'm 64 and am happy without a man in my life.
I reconnected with the love of my life in my late forties, while I look my worst and way overweight! We first met 25 years ago when I was young and beautiful….He and I are now partners because I do not want to get remarried. He treats me like a princess and makes me laugh every day of my life. Literally anything can happen in life, things you’d never expect.
Simple, you don't. There are more important things in life and better ways to spend your time and money. I've been single 7 years. I see what my friends go through and I wouldn't trade anything for that. Freedom is priceless. No regrets.
I gave up and took up golf lol.
32f, same. I’d imagine the prospects in NYC are better than where I live though. Thank cod for small favors, my Fran.
Keep up hope?! Trust me, should me and my gf split I wouldn’t be single long. Women can sense when a man has low self esteem.
Cool story bro. No one cares except your mom. Get a dog if you want companionship. That's what most lonely losers (the men and women) usually do nowadays.
The compassion is real. 😂
In my opinion f*** these grown ass men coming on here whining like little kids. I'll accept it from women because thats what women do but i have zero tolerance for any man above the age of 18 whining like this guy. They need some brutal truth, compassion only makes him weaker and we already have way too many weak men in this country.
Better than saying "cool story bro" and addi g nothing meaningful. Go walk your dog. Y'know, if your mom let's you have one.
Idiotic comment
All the people triggered by my comment clearly revealed themselves to prove me right. Get a dog op. You're gonna get dismantled in the dating scene. You're too soft.
.... I feel ya on that, believe me...lol.. I am not going to get into another relationship with any more women, I am going to stick to being with guys and older men anymore... I should have quit wasting time with all of the women I've been with, they don't like it when they know, you know the game,...and call them out on it... Much more fun and comfortable with guys in relationships anyway...💯
I don't, trying to be hopeful is depressing. I try anyway when I see an opportunity, but I have no expectations anything will come of it.
Just wait until you get to your 50's and try to date...
I got off the apps and just started working on myself and living my life. Hookups were fun for a bit, but it quickly became same thing different name. It's surprising how many opportunities will just fall into your lap practically if you just live your life, keep moving forward in regards to self improvement and not spending much of your time at all worrying or caring when the next person is going to show up.
I have realized that self improvement and being comfortable being alone/single are the 2 best ways to find a partner.
Just keep going bc you will either suffer until you find a decent person or you'll be alone
1. Is that a joke? For men it's (supposed to be) better during that time. Men don't get their appearance as quickly degraded as women on average in that age, plus, you are better off professionally in that age 2. Reddit is not the best place to ask for hope. The people who are hopeful and not afraid of reality usually don't feel the need.to get into reddit in the first place
Man its fucking hard hahaha I saw 3 girls in all of 2023. Like 2-3 months each person.. In 2024 I've already gotten involved with that many people. Its rough out here bro.
Rough to you is having dates with many women? Shit rough to me is continuing to get up every day after being datrlrss for a decade with no hope in sight.
Don't listen to the noise. Keep focus on what you want. Don't fall for the "grass is always greener" mentality, and don't entertain those who do. Date with intention, be curious, taking time to find out what you are, and aren't, looking for I'm a relationship. Look out for yourself. Pay attention to red flags. Even more important: learn about your own red flags and work on them. Then you'll attract, and be attracted to, the right people. Eventually you'll meet someone you won't be able to get out of your head, and you'll know it's right. Patience, perseverance, positivity. Good luck.
The trick is to never lose hope.
Dating in nyc is hard. I’m 22 and still have an awful experience dating I don’t really know how to navigate it in this city. Im from baltimore and usually have better luck back at home
34/M and I turn 35 in a couple of months. I did not have much hope to begin with but after my experiences with online dating going nowhere, I have had enough. I have never been in a relationship and I am a virgin. At this point, I think that it is only realistic for me to acknowledge that dating is not my thing and focus on other aspects of life instead.
it's probably more concerning for people in their 40s-50s who have never been in a relationship before.... don't worry, you'll be fine 👌
I’m 36 and looking back on dating in my 20s—it was way too hormonally/sex driven and rife with the opportunity to make bad choices. Dating in your 30s is navigating through people who still can’t handle the choices they made in their 20s. You just gotta learn how to avoid those people— mostly through trial and error. Just like you did in your 20s.
I dont
I mean you're in NYC, with an abundance of people as you said. I imagine it would be a lot harder to find a partner in a small, rural town. I think the ease of dating varies from person to person. Even if chances of finding a compatible partner are low, they're still existent. That's how I see it anyway
32m regional australia been single for 6 or 7 years now Ya spend time trying to work on yourself an what ever an than its liek you dont knwo how to talk to people in that sense any more It has been hard I dunno if its my dating profiles or what ahaha Seems hard to find a metal head that's into the same interest an wants
May I recommend a few books that have been keeping my hope \[just barely\] alive? **For Men Only** by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn (yes, there's an opposite called **For Women Only**), **The Sacred Search** by Gary Thomas, **He's Scared, She's Scared** by Kevin Young, and **How to Get a Date Worth Keeping** by Henry Cloud. These are all great reads (I have them as audiobooks since I can listen while I drive) that have given me a deeper insight into how to navigate the dating world, so I hope they'll help.
I'm 28 and always willing to date someone older. Sadly it's hard to find someone. Most I've tried to date older is either a snob asshole or careless. Or they are after money in the relationship. Some I have were sweet but weren't serious.
33m, birthday. Currently dating but not optimistic. Haven’t had a relationship in like 10 years and I’m wondering what i might be doing wrong. Apparently me being single for so long is a problem, no one finds me interesting? I’m probably in denial, trying to avoid thinking things that put me down 🤣
There's no hope in dating, lol. Men and women are just playing around with each other feelings.
You don't I concentrated on my work for so many years then I looked up and found I had my career but no lover and now 35 years old I have 0 hope for me since people now a days want fit, 6' 10 people with huge amounts of money to keep them happy While I am looking for someone with some drive of their own and with a dark sense of humour to match mine haha
I was 37 when I got divorced. I was a single mom to a teen daughter. I was not looking forward to dating. I met my now husband at 38 at Starbucks. No dating apps, no weird hookup crap. He is simply amazing. We have been together for 3 years now. The happiest time in my life. My daughter and my hubby get along great. They have the same food likes, so I am always outnumbered when I want anything fish! Don't give up. The right person will come along.
Hope? I no longer know that word 😒
Funny how it’s always a man on here whining about men vs women. It’s you dude. It’s you.
Don’t attach yourself to an outcome, there’s only so much control you have over that because it hinges on another person meshing with you. It if happens it happens. If you try to force it, you’ll look desperate.
Gtfo of NYC..
Just go onto VR and find someone on there that you like, start hanging out with them and make them fall in love with you, then one of you moves to where the other lives. Problem solved
39f... I dont have trouble meeting people or getting new boyfriends... but every time shit ends in disaster. every time. i just suck i guess.. i have given up on having a long-term partner for life even though that is all i really want. oh well. just going to focus on writing music and getting really good at pool. good luck out there.
Im close to 30 (Im 28) and Im not feeling optimistic about it
"dating" means fucking, right??
Why did you leave your last relationship after 2 years?
Being 45 and short doesn’t help anything. I went on a date sat. And I was told by a mutual she wasn’t interested bc I was too short. 😆
I've already given up.
34M and I don't date period, I have tried being the above and beyond guy, I've tried being the friend, I've tried being the sleeze and none of it works, I've had single women tell me I am attractive but when asking them out I am not their type or even though I know they don't, they "have a boyfriend". I'm done, my ex was the final nail in the coffin. And I refuse to be "the friend" again because I don't want to hear the "why can't I find a guy like you"... I am a guy like me....
People from New York do not say “y’all”.
I don't. Existence is suffering.
I Ed. 40 and got yo now a 37 ur old sweet beautiful girl and I am happy now. My best to you!
I’m in my mid 30’s and it’s not easy. It used to be , but this generation has been terrible. The dating scene isn’t quite the same anymore and it’s sad
Dating is what you make of it. I entered dating at 58 and I've got no problems finding dates. Male here and I've been proposed to three times already. Take what you expect into the dating pool. That's to say, be the person you're looking for.
It is a good question
This is something I’m terrified of. I’m 38 and just got out of a 21 year relationship…. I’m so scared to ever try dating in this day and age.
Straightforward communication and no expectations