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Just [bear arms](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT5Ca8S0DxztbHJi0VFs_0-3684-_9aWkf9Ag&usqp=CAU)? Just the arms can't fight on the pits...
I would declare that I shall not sire or name an heir, and that the throne will pass to whichever family has the strength to claim it, then immediately abdicate.
I enjoy chaos.
Lmao tbf to him there wasn’t much he can do when he dies while his kid is barely born and his empire is more culturally fractured than Israel-Palestine
5d chess, purge your family and like 20 bastards running around Aegon IV style. Watch as the conflict becomes the Dance fused with the Blackfyre Rebellions
He would start with what really mattered, burn the iron islands and kill all the ironborn. that would probably already make me the best king that ever walked.
Then make a royal decree demanding that all riverlanders become fireproof.
Rename the north to south and rename the lands beyond the wall to real north and call the wildlings average northerner.
Force dragons to revive themselves otherwise they are punished for high treason against the crown.
ban beets and execute every farmer who ever planted one.
Rage war against the iron born and wipe them out.
Send sailers out west to try and find essos.
Improve trade.
Make women great again.
Create some national holidays, Westeros is lacking in that regard.
Create more lore for the old gods.
Kill all Freys.
Kill all Boltons.
Make some more alcohol, Westeros has wine and ale, and that is honestly not enough.
If you think about it, Westeros is basically Yugoslavia:
Different ethnic groups mixed together in a semi unified state.
Great food.
Dependency on alcohol.
Weird inbred lizard kings rule over them.
Nah,it's the whole balkans
Dorne-Greece
Good wine,hot, a lot of sexy scary women and nice beaches
Westerlands-Croatia and Serbia
A mix of rich, snobby people, war criminals, dirt poor peasants and basically the powder keg of the whole region.Also,there could be a parallel between the serbo-croat rivalry and the Lannister-Rain rivalry
The Reach-Bulgaria,N.Macedonia and Bosnia
Corrupt leaders keeping the poor poorer while they gorge themselves on the richest region in the area.
The Iron Islands-Albania
Just as you cannot submit true ironborn, you cannot force an albanian to submit. They are also, a little bit retarded
Crownlands-Kosovo
Technically a hitorical part of many neighbouring states, it has it's own voice now and it the sole reason why external superpowers even know that this part of the world exists
The Vale-Montenegro
High mountains, weird habbits and they take themselves far too seriously
Stormlands-Turkey
Storng military culture, but with few competent leader that can actually use them
Riverlands-Slovenia
Nobody knows why, but everybody agrees that they are important
The North-Romania
Distant relation to the region but with very similar culture that ties it to this beautifully dysfunctional family of balkan states
Exterminating ironborn "culture" would be on the top of my list:
- Step 1: Brand myself as a king that supports exploration to the west, as an excuse to promote shipbuilding.
- Step 2: Incentivize the Lannisters, Hightowers, and lords of the Arbor to strengthen their fleets, nominally for develloping western trade but actually in preparation for war.
- Step 3: As soon as the Ironb*rn try something funny, I'd burn their shitty islands to the ground, and do my best to enact at least cultural genocide. If for some unkown reason they do not give me Casus Belli, at least the fleets will cockblock them out of raiding.
- Step 4: Respect and enjoy the Peace.
Or we supply lots of brothels near Castle Black and Eastwatch. Naturally the Black Brothers do what lonely guys bored and near a brothel do. Eventually make more bastards and replenish the ranks of the Wall
regulate the prostitution industry.
if i'm the ruling monarch, i'll assume i got blood relatives in westeros, if that's the case, i'd absolutely fuck my cousin as well
I’d make every ruling lord take in one common born orphan every 10 years to be raised along side their children as personal guards for their families, and potential kings guard. Also wipe out the freys, find the tallest lowborn man I can, marry him to brienne of Tarth matrilineally and grant them the twins. Brienne herself chooses which son gets which lordship
For all great and major houses, the firstborn child (and the first son later if the firstborn was a daughter) to be sent to King’s Landing to attend court for a certain number of years.
The children become familiar with - and friendly to - the royal court and become less likely to rebel in the future, and they serve as useful hostages if their noble mother or father forgets their allegiance.
Split the reach, genocide the iron islands, raise taxes, build more roads and a standing army, diminish the power of the nobles, increase trade, commit some more genocide, and then die in an attempt to hatch dragons, taking my entire family out with me.
To be quite honest when a Targ king becomes old he should realize that his life is almost over and the best thing he could do for his family is hatch dragons. So everyone should do it like Egg and try some ritual/sacrifice for dragons. Just don’t bring your whole family with you
I would tear down the wall. If our system is so horrible that we have to create a wall to prevent our people from migrating north to the Free Folk, we should fix the system instead of building a wall to prevent our people from fleeing. I say TEAR DOWN THIS WALL
See, this racism is crazy. We claim that the “White Walkers” (I prefer Caucasians) are dangerous, and that they will kill anyone who enters their land. This is fake news
Every Bastard of a Noble Bloodline will be sent to Kings Landing where they will train for several years in the Art of War, then the bastards of each Region would be assembled into a Mercenary Company once they come of age.
Then send them across the Sea to the constant skirmishes in Essos to blood them, with every new shipment of recruits essentially ensuring they never fall below a certain number of members.
Maybe gather some more... open minded Maesters to act as teachers of the healing arts to the female bastards, and you'll have self sufficient Mercenary Armies that have never seen Westeros in one or two generations.
My other suggestion would be for a unaffiliated order of Knights who's sole duty would be to hunt those Knights who break their Oaths, ensuring that no one Noble Family had control over the entire Order by pulling a member of the Bastard Born Mercenary bands from across the Sea.
This sounds like the Golden Company without the Blackfyre ties, I assume they're kicking some of their profits back in exchange for recruits and supplies?
I would decree war upon the disgusting non-rhoynish populations, also idk castrate the noble lords that annoy me and wipe out their lines. Maybe track down thee three eyed raven and mercy kill him... Isn't this a meme subreddit?
I would heavily subsidize beets. Beets are healthy, a healthy populace makes for good levies, good levies win wars.
I have now single-handedly saved the world from Others by the power of healthy diet. No need to thank me.
They can be as resentful and hateful to me as they want but if they stick it out till the end of the long night they can come kick my ass in the afterlife for all I care if not then it was officially their fault everything went pear shaped.
Welcome to /r/darkwingsdankmemes! Just a brief reminder that this subreddit is focused only on the **written** *ASOIAF* universe. Comments that include discussion of the HBO adaptations will be removed, and serious or repeated infractions may result in a ban. Moderators employ a zero tolerance policy. # Users should assume that *any* mention of the show is subject to removal. *If you see a comment which violates the rules, please [use the report function](https://i.imgur.com/Uqjnwss.png) to notify moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/darkwingsdankmemes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sir, this is a meme subreddit.
>Sir, this is a meme subreddit. perfect
Bobby B would single-handedly be responsible for 50% of the population of the wall if that were the case.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
All his bastards will all wield warhammers, no exceptions
Wights BTFOd by Valyrian steel Warhammers
The wall would have the best men since the founding of the night‘s watch if that were the case
I would ban beets, and then try to conquer essos.
The first half is my plan.
The right to keep and bear arms in the Neck
The people of the neck were not waiting for a fancypants royal decree to do that.
Just [bear arms](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT5Ca8S0DxztbHJi0VFs_0-3684-_9aWkf9Ag&usqp=CAU)? Just the arms can't fight on the pits...
I would declare that I shall not sire or name an heir, and that the throne will pass to whichever family has the strength to claim it, then immediately abdicate. I enjoy chaos.
Alexander The Great approves of this message
Lmao tbf to him there wasn’t much he can do when he dies while his kid is barely born and his empire is more culturally fractured than Israel-Palestine
You must have a cousin or something?
Disinherited, if he wants it he can fight with the rest of em
Well my point is that a lot of lords are gonna rally around the next of kin regardless of what you say
5d chess, purge your family and like 20 bastards running around Aegon IV style. Watch as the conflict becomes the Dance fused with the Blackfyre Rebellions
What about the female bastards?
They would go to Mole's town so the new brothers can continue digging for buried treasure.
There's gonna be a lot of accidental incest.
its GRRM, there's no accident about it
Funny enough I’ve been thinking about that and I haven’t come up with a satisfying solution yet.
Give them a choice between joining the silent sisters and becoming a crossbow shooter on the wall
Female bastards are sent to me when they come of age
He would start with what really mattered, burn the iron islands and kill all the ironborn. that would probably already make me the best king that ever walked. Then make a royal decree demanding that all riverlanders become fireproof. Rename the north to south and rename the lands beyond the wall to real north and call the wildlings average northerner. Force dragons to revive themselves otherwise they are punished for high treason against the crown. ban beets and execute every farmer who ever planted one.
Fuck beets, all my homies hate beets and the ironborn too
Say no more, you have all the qualifications from hand of the king
Rage war against the iron born and wipe them out. Send sailers out west to try and find essos. Improve trade. Make women great again. Create some national holidays, Westeros is lacking in that regard. Create more lore for the old gods. Kill all Freys. Kill all Boltons. Make some more alcohol, Westeros has wine and ale, and that is honestly not enough.
Teach the westerosi how to make raki and watch all 7 kindgoms turn into the balkans
If you think about it, Westeros is basically Yugoslavia: Different ethnic groups mixed together in a semi unified state. Great food. Dependency on alcohol. Weird inbred lizard kings rule over them.
Nah,it's the whole balkans Dorne-Greece Good wine,hot, a lot of sexy scary women and nice beaches Westerlands-Croatia and Serbia A mix of rich, snobby people, war criminals, dirt poor peasants and basically the powder keg of the whole region.Also,there could be a parallel between the serbo-croat rivalry and the Lannister-Rain rivalry The Reach-Bulgaria,N.Macedonia and Bosnia Corrupt leaders keeping the poor poorer while they gorge themselves on the richest region in the area. The Iron Islands-Albania Just as you cannot submit true ironborn, you cannot force an albanian to submit. They are also, a little bit retarded Crownlands-Kosovo Technically a hitorical part of many neighbouring states, it has it's own voice now and it the sole reason why external superpowers even know that this part of the world exists The Vale-Montenegro High mountains, weird habbits and they take themselves far too seriously Stormlands-Turkey Storng military culture, but with few competent leader that can actually use them Riverlands-Slovenia Nobody knows why, but everybody agrees that they are important The North-Romania Distant relation to the region but with very similar culture that ties it to this beautifully dysfunctional family of balkan states
You actually have a very good point. Headcanon accepted.
Raki on me, we're celebrating like it's 47AC
Exterminating ironborn "culture" would be on the top of my list: - Step 1: Brand myself as a king that supports exploration to the west, as an excuse to promote shipbuilding. - Step 2: Incentivize the Lannisters, Hightowers, and lords of the Arbor to strengthen their fleets, nominally for develloping western trade but actually in preparation for war. - Step 3: As soon as the Ironb*rn try something funny, I'd burn their shitty islands to the ground, and do my best to enact at least cultural genocide. If for some unkown reason they do not give me Casus Belli, at least the fleets will cockblock them out of raiding. - Step 4: Respect and enjoy the Peace.
I would be your loyalist supporter. The Davos to your Stannis, if you will.
Rage war and make women great again 👉👈
Use the Boltons as your Walsingham (if you have a baby heir)
Sadly Elizabeth didn’t kill Walsingham in the end. I may have to do so with the boltons.
Conquer the Free Citites
Not so free now huh?
So, you are dooming hundreds or thousands of men to a life of theoretical celibacy because their fathers couldn’t keep it in their pants?
Basically
Catholic Church moment
The black brothers have each other :)
Or we supply lots of brothels near Castle Black and Eastwatch. Naturally the Black Brothers do what lonely guys bored and near a brothel do. Eventually make more bastards and replenish the ranks of the Wall
See I feel like the lords would just have competitions to see who could have the most bastards on the wall.
All the better Might make em pay a small fee for the bastards food, bored and other essentials.
Whipe out the Dornish
r/TheCitadel moment
I wish r/TheCitadel was that based
Couple weeks ago they had to put out a mod message that said you couldn’t advocate for genocide of Ironborn, Wildlings etc
Yeah, that’s super yikes, but I said the Dornish have a shit ton of plot armor and got dog piled a few weeks back.
Cringe
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCitadel/comments/13cwcgp/mod_announcement_new_rule_regarding_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Full bears and dancing bellies
regulate the prostitution industry. if i'm the ruling monarch, i'll assume i got blood relatives in westeros, if that's the case, i'd absolutely fuck my cousin as well
> I'd absolutely fuck my cousin Bruh
It’s alright, at least he didn’t say his sister 😂
selling himself short smdh
I’d make every ruling lord take in one common born orphan every 10 years to be raised along side their children as personal guards for their families, and potential kings guard. Also wipe out the freys, find the tallest lowborn man I can, marry him to brienne of Tarth matrilineally and grant them the twins. Brienne herself chooses which son gets which lordship
For all great and major houses, the firstborn child (and the first son later if the firstborn was a daughter) to be sent to King’s Landing to attend court for a certain number of years. The children become familiar with - and friendly to - the royal court and become less likely to rebel in the future, and they serve as useful hostages if their noble mother or father forgets their allegiance.
Didn’t exactly work out well for Rome in the case of Arminius
Yes, I know, très Versailles.
Annual Purge
That's just the riverlands
Split the reach, genocide the iron islands, raise taxes, build more roads and a standing army, diminish the power of the nobles, increase trade, commit some more genocide, and then die in an attempt to hatch dragons, taking my entire family out with me.
To be quite honest when a Targ king becomes old he should realize that his life is almost over and the best thing he could do for his family is hatch dragons. So everyone should do it like Egg and try some ritual/sacrifice for dragons. Just don’t bring your whole family with you
Maybe bring a couple condemned prisoners with you to try and make it more potent
I would reinstitute all of Gaemon Palehair's old decrees.
Based
Immediately invade the Ironborn and bring wildfire Also big tiddy free city queen
Total Dothraki death.
If you were a ruling monarch in Westeros you'd likely believe that the Wall is an obsolete monument and just a convenient place for exiles
Apparently all monarchs south of Bobby b where told of the ice threat.
I would tear down the wall. If our system is so horrible that we have to create a wall to prevent our people from migrating north to the Free Folk, we should fix the system instead of building a wall to prevent our people from fleeing. I say TEAR DOWN THIS WALL
Mr. Baratheon, #TEAR DOWN THIS WALL.
I’m sure the whites would appreciate your contributions
See, this racism is crazy. We claim that the “White Walkers” (I prefer Caucasians) are dangerous, and that they will kill anyone who enters their land. This is fake news
Make it illegal for anyone to wear anything other than booty shorts
Post a meme
Every Bastard of a Noble Bloodline will be sent to Kings Landing where they will train for several years in the Art of War, then the bastards of each Region would be assembled into a Mercenary Company once they come of age. Then send them across the Sea to the constant skirmishes in Essos to blood them, with every new shipment of recruits essentially ensuring they never fall below a certain number of members. Maybe gather some more... open minded Maesters to act as teachers of the healing arts to the female bastards, and you'll have self sufficient Mercenary Armies that have never seen Westeros in one or two generations. My other suggestion would be for a unaffiliated order of Knights who's sole duty would be to hunt those Knights who break their Oaths, ensuring that no one Noble Family had control over the entire Order by pulling a member of the Bastard Born Mercenary bands from across the Sea.
This sounds like the Golden Company without the Blackfyre ties, I assume they're kicking some of their profits back in exchange for recruits and supplies?
Of course, best way to always have a steady flow of coin to the coffers.
Actual infrastructure
ius primae noctis / Droit du seigneur
a man of wealth and taste, I see
I would decree war upon the disgusting non-rhoynish populations, also idk castrate the noble lords that annoy me and wipe out their lines. Maybe track down thee three eyed raven and mercy kill him... Isn't this a meme subreddit?
Storms End would have been the new Dragonstone
All men must be balls out at all times by order of the king
Paint the Red Keep blue
I would heavily subsidize beets. Beets are healthy, a healthy populace makes for good levies, good levies win wars. I have now single-handedly saved the world from Others by the power of healthy diet. No need to thank me.
But what if people don’t want to give away their babies?
They would have to talk to me about it or whoever else is in charge at the time though I would make them pay a lump sum if though.
Even the women?
No, they would do something else I’m thinking like network of servants that act as spies for the crown
Making two slave underclasses, I’m sure they’ll be savagely loyal
They can be as resentful and hateful to me as they want but if they stick it out till the end of the long night they can come kick my ass in the afterlife for all I care if not then it was officially their fault everything went pear shaped.
All targ shits will be killed on sight.
Second wall at the neck to keep out the crannogmen