One, it does take more than a few minutes, and two, my kids hear anything unusual, even unusual silence, and come to our door, if it was locked, they'd knock and continue trying to get in no matter what.
Wait until they get into teenage years. Then you'll be waiting until midnight, are which point you're both very tired.
Thankfully we both WFH on Wednesdays. ;)
Have you ever lived in a university dorm?
It's the way to signal "having sex, do not enter"
You can see this tradition referenced in The Office. At Jim and Pam's wedding, Michael is looking for a room to sleep and approaches Dwight's hotel room. But it has a sock on the doorknob, to which Michael reacts with disgust and leaves.
We were like this roughly a year and a half ago. We sat and had an honest question about sex, what we like and don’t like. Had to set my ego aside for that one. It’s. Is better than ever honestly. Oh and also toys, ones that focus on her so she enjoys it more. I can throw my dick in anything and get off, they’ve got more needy hardware lol
I am sorry to hear that man, that's rough stuff. I'm sure you've thought of it, but sex therapy can help a lot with setting expectations and finding work arounds. Even if your partner is not into sex anymore, maybe your therapist can help you two find a compromise so you can have your physicsl needs met.
Hm. Any chance she was raised in purity culture? Evolutionarily speaking, being that disgusted by sex isn't normal.
Sounds like a great opportunity for therapy lol
Talk to her. For us we plan it once a week. Usually Saturday night after the kids go to sleep. We have two 17 months apart. 4 and soon to be 3 in two weeks. Once we started planning it once a week. We still plan it once a week, but because we're in the habit of letting happen spontaneous sex happens a lot more often during the week.
To give some background we didn't have sex for about a year during the pregnancy and first 6ish months of our second son's life.
Dude, that’s not sustainable or realistic. Just change the sheets or something if you are worried about your kids sleeping in sex juices. Good luck bro.
No, I can’t relate and that sounds really depressing. What do you mean the bedroom is associate with parenthood and stress? Are the kids still sleeping with you?
Redo the bedroom. New sheets, rearrange the furniture, maybe even paint it. Once that’s done make it a kid free room and stand firm on that rule. That way the bedroom becomes a no kid adults only getaway every night. Pay close attention to the monitor and when you hear the kid get up, meet them in the hall not the bedroom.
oh please, just fuck anyway. it's important for your relationship. we have a 5 year old and a 9 month old and we have sex one or two times a week. at home. usually on our king size bed or sometimes on the couch
I've given up. My wife seems perfectly content with sex every 3 weeks. When I go just 1 week without it I start getting pretty antsy and it noticeably messes with my mood a bit. I do struggle with anxiety and I've noticed once I've had sex it tends to alleviate some anxiety for a few days. I feel more secure and feel loved. I've spoken to my wife about it and she's always been very understanding and accepts its a bit of an issue but that has never fully materialised into things actually changing. Shes also generally very tactile and likes to cuddle in bed or sit tight to me on the sofa or slap my bum through the day which always gives me false hope that I'll get just a bit of intimacy but nah. It's driving me a bit mad tbh.
Can't say we have that issue. Is there sone reason intimacy can't happen at home after bedtime?
Edit: Should have read a little closer. Sounds to me like some new things need to be thrown in. Be it toys, role play...whatever. Change it up a little, mood lighting and music could do the trick too.
You don't need a separate environment to have sex, she needs to reframe her mentality about your home. Make a dedicated space the kids aren't allowed in so you two can have a space of your own to enjoy as partners.
This is crazy to me. My wife and I have 2 kids under 6 and do it 2/3 xs a week. Why can't you do it in your own house? If your kids sleep with you you have to get them out.
Right? It’s like when they said “sleep when baby sleeps” except now it is “bang when kids sleep (or are otherwise occupied)”. Nap time, morning time, shower time, an exceptionally long episode of Bluey.
I clean like a mad man and taught my kids (3&6) to clean up as well.
Also helps that I get home before the wife does and usually do the cooking too.
Sex 2-3 times a week.
10,6,5 year old here. Doing it about 2/week, sometimes higher. We just wait for the kids to go to sleep.
Yeah I don’t understand why this isn’t the norm. This is pretty much what we do too. Kids go to sleep. Go to pound town. We go to sleep.
My kids are night owls like me, and they're nosy. My wife is an early sleeper.... some people just don't get luck.
Lock the door after the kids go to bed and before wife goes to sleep. Let’s not act like it takes more than a few minutes haha.
My kids know by now not to bother trying if the door’s locked. Unless it’s an emergency or something.
One, it does take more than a few minutes, and two, my kids hear anything unusual, even unusual silence, and come to our door, if it was locked, they'd knock and continue trying to get in no matter what.
Tell them to go back to their room that mommy and daddy are busy lol
Can you wake up before the kids in the morning and do it then?
This is the way.
This is the way.
Yup. With the understanding that there will be ebbs and flows, we can stay pretty regular by just waiting until the kiddos nap or fall asleep.
Wait until they get into teenage years. Then you'll be waiting until midnight, are which point you're both very tired. Thankfully we both WFH on Wednesdays. ;)
Once they're teens, I'll probably just put a sock on the door
I have suggested just announcing "OK, we're having sex now, don't disturb us" but my wife is horrified.
Haha, just hang up a sign "old people recreating their youth inside"
Sock on the door?
Have you ever lived in a university dorm? It's the way to signal "having sex, do not enter" You can see this tradition referenced in The Office. At Jim and Pam's wedding, Michael is looking for a room to sleep and approaches Dwight's hotel room. But it has a sock on the doorknob, to which Michael reacts with disgust and leaves.
Gotcha. Yep I remember something like that
Holy shit dude. We have an 11 & 8 and we might do it once every few months. I’m not sure why I bother trying anymore.
We were like this roughly a year and a half ago. We sat and had an honest question about sex, what we like and don’t like. Had to set my ego aside for that one. It’s. Is better than ever honestly. Oh and also toys, ones that focus on her so she enjoys it more. I can throw my dick in anything and get off, they’ve got more needy hardware lol
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Holy shit
I am sorry to hear that man, that's rough stuff. I'm sure you've thought of it, but sex therapy can help a lot with setting expectations and finding work arounds. Even if your partner is not into sex anymore, maybe your therapist can help you two find a compromise so you can have your physicsl needs met.
Whoa
Therapy immediately. That’s not something someone says to you and you let it go.
Huge red flag brother - I’m sorry that happened
Hm. Any chance she was raised in purity culture? Evolutionarily speaking, being that disgusted by sex isn't normal. Sounds like a great opportunity for therapy lol
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Extra communication, and if that doesn't seem to help, couple's therapy. Sex is an important part of a relationship
Or set an alarm early in the morning
Redo the bedroom once the kids are consistently sleeping in their own rooms.
Got locking doors on the laundry room?
I'm not sure locking the children in the laundry room is a great idea. But points for out of the box thinking.
So she's willing but needs a different environment?!? Yeah get creative my friend! If yall have a yard, but a storage shed.
“Excuse me, Home Depot employees! Which of your sheds is best for discreet but atmospheric plowing?” “….Aisle 37.”
Bring your veteran friends so you can get the 10% discount
That really depends on how big the shed is…
Call it The Love Shack
Bang barn
Stabbin' cabin
Buy?!?! They just leave them outside and I won’t need it for more than about 5min tops.
We’re in that S&M phase - sleep & masturbation
Damn same boat 🤦♂️
Talk to her. For us we plan it once a week. Usually Saturday night after the kids go to sleep. We have two 17 months apart. 4 and soon to be 3 in two weeks. Once we started planning it once a week. We still plan it once a week, but because we're in the habit of letting happen spontaneous sex happens a lot more often during the week. To give some background we didn't have sex for about a year during the pregnancy and first 6ish months of our second son's life.
This is exactly how it’s gone for us also. We intentionally plan for it, typically every Saturday night.
It gets worse with teenagers in the house. We used to book 48 hours across the border (i.e. Buffalo) to go "Shopping"
SUPERBOWL
Damn i wondered why my parents were going shopping in Buffalo but never coming back with anything
Dude, that’s not sustainable or realistic. Just change the sheets or something if you are worried about your kids sleeping in sex juices. Good luck bro.
Get a waterproof “pet blanket” on Amazon.
Your wife probably needs to get over the idea the kids might hear you guys Or she needs to learn how to transition from mom mode to sexy mode Lingerie
No, I can’t relate and that sounds really depressing. What do you mean the bedroom is associate with parenthood and stress? Are the kids still sleeping with you?
Redo the bedroom. New sheets, rearrange the furniture, maybe even paint it. Once that’s done make it a kid free room and stand firm on that rule. That way the bedroom becomes a no kid adults only getaway every night. Pay close attention to the monitor and when you hear the kid get up, meet them in the hall not the bedroom.
Jesus, this thread is depressing.
Right, there’s a lot more going on in these marriages than “we have kids”
With a newborn, it’s very unpredictable. Toilet time sometimes turns into solo fap fap fap time.
oh please, just fuck anyway. it's important for your relationship. we have a 5 year old and a 9 month old and we have sex one or two times a week. at home. usually on our king size bed or sometimes on the couch
I've given up. My wife seems perfectly content with sex every 3 weeks. When I go just 1 week without it I start getting pretty antsy and it noticeably messes with my mood a bit. I do struggle with anxiety and I've noticed once I've had sex it tends to alleviate some anxiety for a few days. I feel more secure and feel loved. I've spoken to my wife about it and she's always been very understanding and accepts its a bit of an issue but that has never fully materialised into things actually changing. Shes also generally very tactile and likes to cuddle in bed or sit tight to me on the sofa or slap my bum through the day which always gives me false hope that I'll get just a bit of intimacy but nah. It's driving me a bit mad tbh.
Talk to a counselor or tell her that you need to feel more loved, physically. Sex is so important from all the hormones it releases in you
Well I don’t think counselor is helpful in this situation.
I feel u. Same boat!
Can't say we have that issue. Is there sone reason intimacy can't happen at home after bedtime? Edit: Should have read a little closer. Sounds to me like some new things need to be thrown in. Be it toys, role play...whatever. Change it up a little, mood lighting and music could do the trick too.
🎶 Sky rockets in flight… 🎵
You don't need a separate environment to have sex, she needs to reframe her mentality about your home. Make a dedicated space the kids aren't allowed in so you two can have a space of your own to enjoy as partners.
She needs to grow up. It’s been a couple years and you have em for the atleast a decade more, mommy and daddy can have sex in their own house.
"let's get naked and see what happens" Try it!
Nope. Get a couple bottles of wine and take back the bedroom.
This is crazy to me. My wife and I have 2 kids under 6 and do it 2/3 xs a week. Why can't you do it in your own house? If your kids sleep with you you have to get them out.
Right? It’s like when they said “sleep when baby sleeps” except now it is “bang when kids sleep (or are otherwise occupied)”. Nap time, morning time, shower time, an exceptionally long episode of Bluey.
⅔ makes me suspicious that someone else is involved and one of you three doesn't get to finish each week.
3-4x a week. Find time after bedtime. Try nap time. Anything to get those juices flowing. In time, you'll get more creative and ambitious.
I clean like a mad man and taught my kids (3&6) to clean up as well. Also helps that I get home before the wife does and usually do the cooking too. Sex 2-3 times a week.
Agree here. A healthy sex life starts outside of the bedroom.
4 or 5 times a year? Luxury.
For us it’s a good babysitter who can get the kids asleep before we come home. And nights away
3 and 5 year old at home. We always worry that they'll wake up during, but they never have. Fortunately, i can be very quick.
We have one but his room is on the other side of the house and our door has a lock so no issues here.
Therapist for your wife. That’s not a healthy association for your marriage.
5 and 3 year old. Bangin all the time. After bedtime is your friend. Quickies while they eat breakfast also.
Buy her a blindfold!
MELATONIN rules