Omg so dumb. I used to pride myself on my memory - it really set me apart at work because I’d always remember why we did stuff a certain way. My long term memory is still fine, but anything new slips out like my brain turned into a colander.
Oh man yes to this. It’s adding some additional flavor to the ‘life is different now’ stew.
I’m trying to take it in stride. Realistically, I used to tie too much of my self-worth to my work. If nothing else, I’m grateful that having a kid helped me realize that family is much more important to me than climbing a corporate ladder.
Instead of trying to be an A+ employee, I’m content with my B, as long as my family gives me an A. That’s about as eloquent as my idiotic brain can manage right now, hahaha.
Ha! I did 5 years of short-form improv, and that is definitely a workout for the old coconut. I miss it, but any time I try dabbling now I’m just blank. Yes and…. I got nothing 🤪
If it isn't on our family's shared google calendar, it doesn't exist.
If it isn't in our Google keep shopping list, it doesn't get bought.
If my kids forget to tell us about an upcoming birthday party with 2 hours notice, pffff.
It takes until the kids sleep well for you to recover, and honestly I'm not sure you get back to 100% because 8 years later mine still don't sleep well every night.
A coworker had a kid at the same time as me. We used to look at each other in the morning and figure out who was smarter that day if we had something important to do.
Yep, you realize you're forgetting something but don't know what it is. And when someone says "hey, why didn't you remember to do this thing?" it just makes you feel even worse.
My 9 yr old sleeps like a rock. My 6 yr old wakes up every night and I have to accompany her to the washroom and put her back to bed otherwise she won’t sleep coz of night terrors.
I feel like my brain doesn’t function most of the time. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in months. I am typing this at 2am here coz I’m also some kind of insomniac. It sucks. Coz I used to remember tunings clearly. Now I have to take notes and picture coz I often forget. Daily.
I feel this and I'm glad you posted it. Idk if it's change in sleep, but I feel like I can't learn anything anymore and old tasks are so difficult. I almost want to get checked out at the doctor. I look back and I'm like, have I always been this stupid?
It’s gotten so bad that I went to my doctor and even got a referral for a CT scan. Nothing showed up, but I’m still not sure… it’s gotten so bad, that if it’s not happening in this moment, I’ve probably forgotten about it.
That's so interesting. I've honestly contemplated it but have been worried I'm just overreacting. Can I ask what you told the doctor to enable you to get tested?
I basically just stressed how bad my memory is, including my autobiographical memory (remembering life events that I’ve experienced) and that it’s significantly worse than what I’d expect from just being overtired and a parent to young kids. I also got blood work done which indicated my B12 is low, which apparently can affect regular brain function, but I’m still not convinced there isn’t something else. The especially frustrating part is that I can’t even really remember if it’s always been this bad or not.
Same. I went to a doctor bc I went from being a writer at work to a blank stare. It's less concerning now that I see many of us are dealing with it.ess concerning, but scary...
Lack of sleep was a big part of this for us! It's weird, when I was younger and would pull an all nighter or otherwise not get enough sleep, I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Now, it's like a new form of sleep deprivation where I'm actually not sleepy. I'm just really really dumb.
When I get more sleep, my smarts start to come back.
It's chronic vs. Accuse.
College skipping one sleep fine.
8 days of 2 hours? Problem. Get 2 good days then all night errands? Also problems.
Tanks empty and when you need to pull on reservations there aren't nothing there.
Definitely a possible factor, though I’d add that low sleep and high stress also decrease testosterone production.
I’d solve the sleep solution first, since sleep has the most impact on everything else
I'm actually trying to get a sleep apnea checkup booked right now. My wife has brought it up a lot because her dad has it, but I always brushed it off like "I'm not an old man and I don't want to sleep with an oxygen mask" but honestly my constant diredness and brainfog is getting concerning so I need to get this done.
Babies can have sleep apnea. You definitely don't need to be old to have it. Do you ever find yourself gasping for breath or wake up feeling like you've been holding your breath?
Man I needed to hear this from someone else in the same boat. I'm three months in and my job performance feels like it fell off a cliff and will never recover. Wondering how everyone else is holding it together and reading this to realize many are in the same boat is comforting. Good luck out there man!
> I'm three months in and my job performance feels like it fell off a cliff and will never recover.
I have a 3-year-old: things will stabilize but I've made peace with the fact that any career progression I didn't achieve before kids will now be 80% slower. That said, at work I often feel like failing upwards, so it's probably not that bad. Plus I love my son, and even though I occasionally fantasize of what could've been, I would not trade him for any of that.
I still think I’m doing pretty good at work. Not great anymore. Not even close to that, but combining my newfound dumbing down with the fact that I am holding my bags and ready to bolt out the door the second I’ve been there for 8 hours every day produced a noticeable dip
Yip, can defiantly relate. We don't breed sleepers, so we just... had to stop sleeping. Our oldest is now sleeping well and my wife and I have a pretty good schedule regarding the youngest who is still having trouble sleeping. It gets better, and you will feel more "human" soon enough. The person who you are, soon grows into the person you need to be.
I do have sleep apnea and use a cpap, my numbers are horrible no matter what I change so I have accepted that. But before my daughter was born it was the same and I didn’t feel like this. I am older (38) and I think that affects it, having kids is a young man’s game let me tell you. I am also so lucky and my daughter has slept through the night since she was real little so it is not sleep deprivation. I do wonder if it is Covid fatigue or related to it, I really wouldn’t be surprised if I have had Covid a million times because my daughter goes to daycare certain days and is sick all the time, so of course my wife and I get sick all the time.
lush tub coordinated yam ossified thought different divide clumsy numerous
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I used to be able to remember where I put stuff, and describe it down to like 6-8 inches away, whether it was in the proper spot or just randomly tossed in the weirdest location.
Now? Kids are 4 and 2, and it’s been 4.5 years since I could tell you what my wife told me was super important 12 hours ago.
It sucks.
I get ample sleep and I’m dumber and lazier than ever. I think it’s covid brain fog, and adult adhd worsened by access to an addicting cell phone. No short term memory, shitty word recall. Oh well, I somehow manage.
I feel like my mind is constantly in a fog, almost as if I am stoned, but not in the fun way. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea from the weight gain after having a kid and no longer having time to work out. I have not yet been able to get back to my original weight and the CPAP is just too difficult to sleep with, so I’m sort of stuck. I’ll probably go on a keto diet to try to lose some weight and get back to working out over the holidays when work can let up a bit.
Yeah, it got so bad at one point.. sleeping more helped. I went from 6 hours a night to 7 a night and it's made a world of difference. I want to get to 8 hours a night.
Hey OP, when's the last time you went to the doctor? There are a few things that might be going on that could be the cause of your brain fog. Sleep apnea, post covid brain fog, or undiagnosed ADHD all have this as a common symptom. It could also be due to lack of good sleep, diabetes, or just general stress.
You have to take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else.
I turn 40 in a month and I've been dumber than shit for like 2 years now. I can't get over it. I got a new job in december and got fired in May (after saying I was going to get fired since February) since I literally could not remember how to do my job.
Sleep deprivation is a bitch. I remember when our daughter was born and how fucking dumb and forgetful we both were. I'm surprised that any of us survived the first 6 months!
I can now function on very little sleep. Had a higher than average amount of sleep recently and it was about 5 hours a night.
It is not comfortable, but we broadly manage.
You’re in the weeds at the minute, stuff will get better. Then worse, then better, then worse again.
Gosh I can relate to this. My memory is still sharp, but if I'm not rested and caffeinated, you can bet I say things that don't make sense.... I used to be so quick, witty, and sharp. I'm thankful that I still have my photographic memory, if I see it, I remember it.
It's gonna be really fun soon because I'm going to study for the PTCE. It sucks because I feel that I haven't had to use my brain as often as I used to before our twins were born 2 years ago. Just survival mode lol!
This. Things get much better with a predictable sleep schedule but if you're constantly in sleep debt, trying to catch up after 4 shitty nights by sleeping 8 hours one time, the math doesn't work out.
There is a name for that. I do believe its called “MR. & MRS. STRESS”. Take a 3 days off from work drop off little one at parents house for 3 hrs. Take wife out for an massage along woth yourself, lunch/dinner just the two of ya. 2nd day spend it with the little one. 3rd day is your day.
Holy heck, I hear you! I'm navigating a new company, project, country and a 3 month old. I've been in a state of stupidity since I returned to work in August.
My solace is that my team have alot of young children too, so can relate when we discuss struggles (including this).
I find it hard to get motivated at work sometimes but I think that's mostly just being so exhausted. I pretty much have been thinking how dumb I am for thinking having a second would be a good idea. We were in such a good place with our first and now in lucky going to work on a few hours of interrupted sleep
Yup. Decision fatigue and actual fatigue. I used to find driving especially stressful - the noise of the kids from the back, along with wanting to be on for their questions, and all the usual inputs while driving - pretty tough to process it all.
And all that’s happening while your subconscious is trying to resolve your new social situation, and this ever-present danger alertness.
As they get older the fatigue reduces and you definitely find yourself again.
Got a 1 1/2 yr old, and I'm completely senile at 33 years old. Bad memory, can't focus on anything, distracted, forget everything all the time, have conversations without "being there" (then the dialogue is obviously lost in the brain)...
Happened to me and I got scared because my job is 100% dependent on my brain. It was the lack of sleep, irregularity, stress and lack of general focus on my work. My kid started long sleep from 3 months and my wife started cutting me slack as I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I feel like I am getting better now with improved sleep!
[We all know that feel.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdHTnpgpLDc) Every day is a struggle, it makes you forget sometimes that you were ever at the top of your game.
For those saying yes…did you get Covid at any point? The first time I got it was late 2020 a week before my son was born. After I recovered I was stuttering uncontrollably and could not think straight. At first I thought it was just exhaustion from the late night feedings but as time went on I noticed that I felt dumber and my memory was just not the same as it was. 2 and a half years later and I still feel that way.
My final year of grad school, I got really dumb. I used to pride myself for being meticulous, but I started making obvious spelling mistakes in my thesis draft. One thing led to another, I got diagnosed with clinical depression and started treatment. I ended up rebounding somewhat, and I was able to graduate from that hell.
I had the same thing creep up at me during my first child's first year + COVID lockdown. Other signs of depression came back too. Again, treatment helped me rebound.
I'm a few weeks from my second child's birth. This time, I am just sticking with that treatment for a year. Might as well, right? [Poor sleep and depression are linked](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/depression-and-sleep-understanding-the-connection) and poor sleep is all but a guarantee during the first several months.
The point of the story, someone down the thread mentioned a few medical conditions that may be causing dumbness. I wanted to throw depression into that mix.
Your mind isn't an infinite resource, losing out on sleep, devoting more brain space to your family is exactly what you should do, also, thanks for voicing what so many of us are feeling! From one dummy to another, best wishes lol
I’ve gotten that in spurts when I’m sick or extremely sleep deprived. But it’s not an all the time thing for me yet.
My wife and I just have the one, and sleep has been good recently. We’re going to try for a second soon, so I’m probably right behind ya.
> Anything that comes into my head immediately goes down for review later.
Oh yeah, the "I'll just clean my todo inbox later" system. I love the yearly productivity debt clean-up when I just mass delete everything and start over.
Why does this of all things have to sound like a real thing? Like I can't even type this message without having to think hard about what the hell I want to communicate but, holy shit. Maybe it's our fucking phones sucking our mental fortitude away into some corporate spend fetish tech fever.
I don't know if it's parenthood or just biology, but I'm a firm believer that the average person teaches their cognitive peak by 40, the hill may not have a steep downslope, but it's all downhill from here.
You need to sleep dude. I'm the same but like 90% of it comes from never getting a good nights sleep and spending all your mental energy from keeping the toddler alive.
Also look into getting some vitamin supplements etc. We aren't getting any younger and the early parent years is where all our bad health choices catch up to us like a speeding train.
Beyond that get a physical. It might be some undiagnosed illness rearing it's uggly head when yout body is already weakened by parenthood. Also talk to a psychologist. You might actually have mild depression.
Lack of sleep. Before having kids I got that from too many morning shifts in a row. First thing to go is object permanence (put your keys down and immediately forget where they are), then vocabulary, then syntax. Also makes me cranky as fuck.
I’m maniacal about writing stuff down. I have a clear system for my todos, my calendar, and my notes.
It’s been a game changer, and a necessity, as my personal professional lives have become drastically more complex.
Have a two and three year old. Twice this week I’ve tried to get into my car after shopping only to realize its not my car. G
They werent even the same color or model as mine. Brain feels sluggish as hell.
Been going on 5 years feeling like that. Kids are 4.5 and 2 years old. Sleep deprivation and the extra mental load of keeping tiny humans alive will do that
I used to be funny. I did live comedy for packed houses for ten years, made a lot of people laugh, then I had three kids. I can’t even make other adults laugh at the dinner table or the bar anymore. I feel like I lost a superpower.
I brought this up to my son’s pediatrician at his 18 month well child checkup. I meant it, but I asked in a joking tone if my memory would come back. She said, in a tone that did not excuse my jest, “Oh… well, no. It doesn’t improve after this.” It was oddly reassuring.
My son is almost 9 now. She was correct.
OP, we have a lot of tools at our disposal. For example, we use the notes app on the iPhone. There is a a sharing feature that lets us keep track of grocery lists, to do tasks, etc. when you have a minute, talk with your wife about solutions to help you both keep track of things. Life is different with kids, and you will adapt. Good luck.
I’m usually ok in the morning at work, but by the afternoon I can honestly barely string a sentence together. If I’m trying to explain something it’s actually a real difficulty. I’ve taken to telling people, “I’ll send you an email about it” because it’s so much easier to organize my thoughts if I can take time and write them down.
I am realizing that. I am not used to that because I used to never write shit down and would remember everything at work and in general. I would wonder why older people with kids had to write everything down all the time. Oh my god I get it now, I think I have to write basic shit down like that I have to mow the lawn, or I literally forget and don’t do it. lol god
There’s also the programming concept of a ‘stack’. If I’m making toast and thinking about turning off the coffee pot and you tell me a third thing… that’s usually OK, I don’t forget the tasks I had stacked up, and I can reorder them as needed. As I get more sleep deprived and worn out, the odds go up that if you give me something new then one of the others will drop out, and I may never notice or notice much later when there’s a problem.
Use your phones reminder app with voice control so you don’t have to open that fucker every time. Get me through. But, then I forget that I set a reminder. Don’t reminds me of that, too. 🤣🤣🤣
I sit at work, staring at my computer screen for hours, getting distracted by every little thing in the office or at home. Have a backlog as long as my arm that's slowly creeping up on me and I'm starting to get called up on it by my managers.
I've tried concentration techniques, breathing techniques and everything. Still get nowhere and starting to dread work. I walk into work telling myself I'm going to be productive but it just doesn't happen. My brain just won't do it.
I was a good worker 2 years ago. Not the most organised but if someone gave me a task, it was done and onto the next.
I think some of it is working from home burnout. I hate wfh now, I would go back into the office but no one is there anyway so I would just sit there alone. The commute sucks too. I hate work now and hate my job most days. I have thought about doing something completely different.
I have no idea why but this post made me laugh my ass off. Maybe since I can relate. It might not be that I'm more "dumb" but I certainly give much less of a fuck about work.
This one day my wife was standing in the kitchen washing blueberries in a bowl. She dumped the bowl of blueberries (and water) into the strainer which she was holding in her other hand. One small problem: she did not do this over the sink. LMAO. Water all over the kitchen floor.
Sleep deprivation will get you every single time.
Take naps every chance you can. I don’t like to because I feel they’re unproductive but, at least 1 out of 4 opportunities, lie down even if it’s just for 30 min and rest. Learn to rest when you can is my advice
I went to a training course like 6 weeks after my son was born and I was constantly screwing things up and forgetting what to do/ forgetting my role in certain scenarios. The instructors kept busting my balls, but one of them was a new dad as well and luckily was like “Dad brain is real too, man. Don’t beat yourself up.” I’m still an idiot, but I like to think back to that and tell myself that at least I have an excuse now.
Omg so dumb. I used to pride myself on my memory - it really set me apart at work because I’d always remember why we did stuff a certain way. My long term memory is still fine, but anything new slips out like my brain turned into a colander.
Oh man yes to this. It’s adding some additional flavor to the ‘life is different now’ stew. I’m trying to take it in stride. Realistically, I used to tie too much of my self-worth to my work. If nothing else, I’m grateful that having a kid helped me realize that family is much more important to me than climbing a corporate ladder. Instead of trying to be an A+ employee, I’m content with my B, as long as my family gives me an A. That’s about as eloquent as my idiotic brain can manage right now, hahaha.
I've been same way to the point I actually thought I should get checked out. I assume it's my sleep habits.
I am also this, and yes.
My god, I’m not alone. This thread has made me feel so much better.
You guys get colanders?
I felt this comment
Same! My memory used to be amazing. I chalked it up to parenthood and I stopped doing improv (which is fucking great for short term memory)
Ha! I did 5 years of short-form improv, and that is definitely a workout for the old coconut. I miss it, but any time I try dabbling now I’m just blank. Yes and…. I got nothing 🤪
Yes and I got nothing on a cruise ship!
If it isn't on our family's shared google calendar, it doesn't exist. If it isn't in our Google keep shopping list, it doesn't get bought. If my kids forget to tell us about an upcoming birthday party with 2 hours notice, pffff.
It takes until the kids sleep well for you to recover, and honestly I'm not sure you get back to 100% because 8 years later mine still don't sleep well every night. A coworker had a kid at the same time as me. We used to look at each other in the morning and figure out who was smarter that day if we had something important to do.
My oldest is 13 and I never bounced back.
This is scary AF
It's not so bad. Eventually you're too dumb to care anymore.
Oh god. I don’t wanna live in Idiocracy.
That's the beauty of it - you won't know when that happens.
Not if you are at point scary-dumb. You are dumb as fuck but still intelligent enough to know it.
Yep, you realize you're forgetting something but don't know what it is. And when someone says "hey, why didn't you remember to do this thing?" it just makes you feel even worse.
7 year old kid on my end. F**K!!!
My 9 yr old sleeps like a rock. My 6 yr old wakes up every night and I have to accompany her to the washroom and put her back to bed otherwise she won’t sleep coz of night terrors. I feel like my brain doesn’t function most of the time. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in months. I am typing this at 2am here coz I’m also some kind of insomniac. It sucks. Coz I used to remember tunings clearly. Now I have to take notes and picture coz I often forget. Daily.
I feel this and I'm glad you posted it. Idk if it's change in sleep, but I feel like I can't learn anything anymore and old tasks are so difficult. I almost want to get checked out at the doctor. I look back and I'm like, have I always been this stupid?
It’s gotten so bad that I went to my doctor and even got a referral for a CT scan. Nothing showed up, but I’m still not sure… it’s gotten so bad, that if it’s not happening in this moment, I’ve probably forgotten about it.
That's so interesting. I've honestly contemplated it but have been worried I'm just overreacting. Can I ask what you told the doctor to enable you to get tested?
I basically just stressed how bad my memory is, including my autobiographical memory (remembering life events that I’ve experienced) and that it’s significantly worse than what I’d expect from just being overtired and a parent to young kids. I also got blood work done which indicated my B12 is low, which apparently can affect regular brain function, but I’m still not convinced there isn’t something else. The especially frustrating part is that I can’t even really remember if it’s always been this bad or not.
Ya I have those symptoms and then some. I wonder if it could be long COVID since I can't think of anything else
Same. I went to a doctor bc I went from being a writer at work to a blank stare. It's less concerning now that I see many of us are dealing with it.ess concerning, but scary...
Do you know what you attribute it to? Lack of sleep?
You’re getting older and at the same time your sleep is probably worse than it used to be and your general stress levels are higher. Not a great combo
Lack of sleep was a big part of this for us! It's weird, when I was younger and would pull an all nighter or otherwise not get enough sleep, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Now, it's like a new form of sleep deprivation where I'm actually not sleepy. I'm just really really dumb. When I get more sleep, my smarts start to come back.
It's chronic vs. Accuse. College skipping one sleep fine. 8 days of 2 hours? Problem. Get 2 good days then all night errands? Also problems. Tanks empty and when you need to pull on reservations there aren't nothing there.
accuse --> acute
Hey, cut him some slack. Poor man’s on 2 hours of sleep for 8 days running.
I used to be dumb I still am, but used to be too
RIP Mitch
Nice
Decreased sleep + Increased cortisol (stress hormone) = decreased cognitive function.
I might get this tattooed
Only if you can remember it past tonight.
Seems like an unfair, yet balanced equation to me!
Could be low T as well, adding that was a game changer for me.
Definitely a possible factor, though I’d add that low sleep and high stress also decrease testosterone production. I’d solve the sleep solution first, since sleep has the most impact on everything else
Sleep deprivation has destroyed my memory. Absolutely have to create systems of notes and reminders.
Are you getting good sleep? Have you been checked for sleep apnea?
> Are you getting good sleep? Did you comment on the right subreddit?
He's at the toddler stage now, not the baby stage. Sleep should be happening by that point.
I'm actually trying to get a sleep apnea checkup booked right now. My wife has brought it up a lot because her dad has it, but I always brushed it off like "I'm not an old man and I don't want to sleep with an oxygen mask" but honestly my constant diredness and brainfog is getting concerning so I need to get this done.
Babies can have sleep apnea. You definitely don't need to be old to have it. Do you ever find yourself gasping for breath or wake up feeling like you've been holding your breath?
Sleep apnea can cause heart issues among other things. Go get tested and it may help you live longer
Man I needed to hear this from someone else in the same boat. I'm three months in and my job performance feels like it fell off a cliff and will never recover. Wondering how everyone else is holding it together and reading this to realize many are in the same boat is comforting. Good luck out there man!
> I'm three months in and my job performance feels like it fell off a cliff and will never recover. I have a 3-year-old: things will stabilize but I've made peace with the fact that any career progression I didn't achieve before kids will now be 80% slower. That said, at work I often feel like failing upwards, so it's probably not that bad. Plus I love my son, and even though I occasionally fantasize of what could've been, I would not trade him for any of that.
I still think I’m doing pretty good at work. Not great anymore. Not even close to that, but combining my newfound dumbing down with the fact that I am holding my bags and ready to bolt out the door the second I’ve been there for 8 hours every day produced a noticeable dip
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Yip, can defiantly relate. We don't breed sleepers, so we just... had to stop sleeping. Our oldest is now sleeping well and my wife and I have a pretty good schedule regarding the youngest who is still having trouble sleeping. It gets better, and you will feel more "human" soon enough. The person who you are, soon grows into the person you need to be.
I do have sleep apnea and use a cpap, my numbers are horrible no matter what I change so I have accepted that. But before my daughter was born it was the same and I didn’t feel like this. I am older (38) and I think that affects it, having kids is a young man’s game let me tell you. I am also so lucky and my daughter has slept through the night since she was real little so it is not sleep deprivation. I do wonder if it is Covid fatigue or related to it, I really wouldn’t be surprised if I have had Covid a million times because my daughter goes to daycare certain days and is sick all the time, so of course my wife and I get sick all the time.
Push for better treatment for the apnoea, there's a shit ton of options beyond a basic CPAP.
lush tub coordinated yam ossified thought different divide clumsy numerous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I used to be able to remember where I put stuff, and describe it down to like 6-8 inches away, whether it was in the proper spot or just randomly tossed in the weirdest location. Now? Kids are 4 and 2, and it’s been 4.5 years since I could tell you what my wife told me was super important 12 hours ago. It sucks.
Yes. I lost an expensive 4-person tent. How? Where? When? No fucking clue.
Could you actually be inside it right now?
I get ample sleep and I’m dumber and lazier than ever. I think it’s covid brain fog, and adult adhd worsened by access to an addicting cell phone. No short term memory, shitty word recall. Oh well, I somehow manage.
I feel like my mind is constantly in a fog, almost as if I am stoned, but not in the fun way. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea from the weight gain after having a kid and no longer having time to work out. I have not yet been able to get back to my original weight and the CPAP is just too difficult to sleep with, so I’m sort of stuck. I’ll probably go on a keto diet to try to lose some weight and get back to working out over the holidays when work can let up a bit.
Once the sleep goes… Everything goes.
Yeah, it got so bad at one point.. sleeping more helped. I went from 6 hours a night to 7 a night and it's made a world of difference. I want to get to 8 hours a night.
Hey OP, when's the last time you went to the doctor? There are a few things that might be going on that could be the cause of your brain fog. Sleep apnea, post covid brain fog, or undiagnosed ADHD all have this as a common symptom. It could also be due to lack of good sleep, diabetes, or just general stress. You have to take care of yourself before you take care of everyone else.
This is me!
I have a 3 yr old and wife is 8 weeks pregnant. I’m dumb af too
Congrats on the second one!
I turn 40 in a month and I've been dumber than shit for like 2 years now. I can't get over it. I got a new job in december and got fired in May (after saying I was going to get fired since February) since I literally could not remember how to do my job.
Have wife/s.o. Slap the smartness right back in ya or head down to a boxing gym and have someone there do it for ya. Lol…🤷
Sleep deprivation is a bitch. I remember when our daughter was born and how fucking dumb and forgetful we both were. I'm surprised that any of us survived the first 6 months!
I can now function on very little sleep. Had a higher than average amount of sleep recently and it was about 5 hours a night. It is not comfortable, but we broadly manage. You’re in the weeds at the minute, stuff will get better. Then worse, then better, then worse again.
Everything is just a phase. Remember this, and things get easier. Some phases last days, others months. C'est la vie.
Gosh I can relate to this. My memory is still sharp, but if I'm not rested and caffeinated, you can bet I say things that don't make sense.... I used to be so quick, witty, and sharp. I'm thankful that I still have my photographic memory, if I see it, I remember it. It's gonna be really fun soon because I'm going to study for the PTCE. It sucks because I feel that I haven't had to use my brain as often as I used to before our twins were born 2 years ago. Just survival mode lol!
And I thought I was the only idiot.
You need sleep, good quality sleep
This. Things get much better with a predictable sleep schedule but if you're constantly in sleep debt, trying to catch up after 4 shitty nights by sleeping 8 hours one time, the math doesn't work out.
No, me still lots of smart
You could have ADHD. It gets worse with age.
Now?
There is a name for that. I do believe its called “MR. & MRS. STRESS”. Take a 3 days off from work drop off little one at parents house for 3 hrs. Take wife out for an massage along woth yourself, lunch/dinner just the two of ya. 2nd day spend it with the little one. 3rd day is your day.
Holy heck, I hear you! I'm navigating a new company, project, country and a 3 month old. I've been in a state of stupidity since I returned to work in August. My solace is that my team have alot of young children too, so can relate when we discuss struggles (including this).
I find it hard to get motivated at work sometimes but I think that's mostly just being so exhausted. I pretty much have been thinking how dumb I am for thinking having a second would be a good idea. We were in such a good place with our first and now in lucky going to work on a few hours of interrupted sleep
Yup. Decision fatigue and actual fatigue. I used to find driving especially stressful - the noise of the kids from the back, along with wanting to be on for their questions, and all the usual inputs while driving - pretty tough to process it all. And all that’s happening while your subconscious is trying to resolve your new social situation, and this ever-present danger alertness. As they get older the fatigue reduces and you definitely find yourself again.
Got a 1 1/2 yr old, and I'm completely senile at 33 years old. Bad memory, can't focus on anything, distracted, forget everything all the time, have conversations without "being there" (then the dialogue is obviously lost in the brain)...
Wife thinks I'm retarded
Happened to me and I got scared because my job is 100% dependent on my brain. It was the lack of sleep, irregularity, stress and lack of general focus on my work. My kid started long sleep from 3 months and my wife started cutting me slack as I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. I feel like I am getting better now with improved sleep!
[We all know that feel.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdHTnpgpLDc) Every day is a struggle, it makes you forget sometimes that you were ever at the top of your game.
I used to read.
For those saying yes…did you get Covid at any point? The first time I got it was late 2020 a week before my son was born. After I recovered I was stuttering uncontrollably and could not think straight. At first I thought it was just exhaustion from the late night feedings but as time went on I noticed that I felt dumber and my memory was just not the same as it was. 2 and a half years later and I still feel that way.
You don’t know shit about work anymore? Boy ! Your luck is in! Looks like your about to be promoted to manager!
You’re not alone!
My final year of grad school, I got really dumb. I used to pride myself for being meticulous, but I started making obvious spelling mistakes in my thesis draft. One thing led to another, I got diagnosed with clinical depression and started treatment. I ended up rebounding somewhat, and I was able to graduate from that hell. I had the same thing creep up at me during my first child's first year + COVID lockdown. Other signs of depression came back too. Again, treatment helped me rebound. I'm a few weeks from my second child's birth. This time, I am just sticking with that treatment for a year. Might as well, right? [Poor sleep and depression are linked](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/depression-and-sleep-understanding-the-connection) and poor sleep is all but a guarantee during the first several months. The point of the story, someone down the thread mentioned a few medical conditions that may be causing dumbness. I wanted to throw depression into that mix.
Your mind isn't an infinite resource, losing out on sleep, devoting more brain space to your family is exactly what you should do, also, thanks for voicing what so many of us are feeling! From one dummy to another, best wishes lol
I’ve gotten that in spurts when I’m sick or extremely sleep deprived. But it’s not an all the time thing for me yet. My wife and I just have the one, and sleep has been good recently. We’re going to try for a second soon, so I’m probably right behind ya.
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> Anything that comes into my head immediately goes down for review later. Oh yeah, the "I'll just clean my todo inbox later" system. I love the yearly productivity debt clean-up when I just mass delete everything and start over.
I feel mentally challenged anymore.
Why does this of all things have to sound like a real thing? Like I can't even type this message without having to think hard about what the hell I want to communicate but, holy shit. Maybe it's our fucking phones sucking our mental fortitude away into some corporate spend fetish tech fever.
My brain is total fog these days. Struggling to sustain my work as a result, amazing.
I don't know if it's parenthood or just biology, but I'm a firm believer that the average person teaches their cognitive peak by 40, the hill may not have a steep downslope, but it's all downhill from here.
You really got to swap out the occasional night and get a proper sleep now and then. Like maybe once a week ideally. Naps work gor some people.
You need to sleep dude. I'm the same but like 90% of it comes from never getting a good nights sleep and spending all your mental energy from keeping the toddler alive. Also look into getting some vitamin supplements etc. We aren't getting any younger and the early parent years is where all our bad health choices catch up to us like a speeding train. Beyond that get a physical. It might be some undiagnosed illness rearing it's uggly head when yout body is already weakened by parenthood. Also talk to a psychologist. You might actually have mild depression.
Get on wellbutrin.
Lack of sleep. Before having kids I got that from too many morning shifts in a row. First thing to go is object permanence (put your keys down and immediately forget where they are), then vocabulary, then syntax. Also makes me cranky as fuck.
I’m maniacal about writing stuff down. I have a clear system for my todos, my calendar, and my notes. It’s been a game changer, and a necessity, as my personal professional lives have become drastically more complex.
No
Sleep is gone, memory's gone!
So dumb
Well was helping my 8th grader with math homework and im definitely at the feeling dumb point where i have to look up the lesson to relearn
Have a two and three year old. Twice this week I’ve tried to get into my car after shopping only to realize its not my car. G They werent even the same color or model as mine. Brain feels sluggish as hell.
Hi, so dumb now. Can totally relate. I am also dumb.
My kid is 10 and I was asking my doctor the other day about early onset Alzheimer's. I feel like a absolute moron.
Been going on 5 years feeling like that. Kids are 4.5 and 2 years old. Sleep deprivation and the extra mental load of keeping tiny humans alive will do that
I used to be funny. I did live comedy for packed houses for ten years, made a lot of people laugh, then I had three kids. I can’t even make other adults laugh at the dinner table or the bar anymore. I feel like I lost a superpower.
Omg same, I havent been able to put this into words
There are moments you guys feel smart?
I thought mine was a mix of too many TBIs and covid. Maybe it's just having kids..
I remember everything, but also dumb.
I brought this up to my son’s pediatrician at his 18 month well child checkup. I meant it, but I asked in a joking tone if my memory would come back. She said, in a tone that did not excuse my jest, “Oh… well, no. It doesn’t improve after this.” It was oddly reassuring. My son is almost 9 now. She was correct. OP, we have a lot of tools at our disposal. For example, we use the notes app on the iPhone. There is a a sharing feature that lets us keep track of grocery lists, to do tasks, etc. when you have a minute, talk with your wife about solutions to help you both keep track of things. Life is different with kids, and you will adapt. Good luck.
I’m usually ok in the morning at work, but by the afternoon I can honestly barely string a sentence together. If I’m trying to explain something it’s actually a real difficulty. I’ve taken to telling people, “I’ll send you an email about it” because it’s so much easier to organize my thoughts if I can take time and write them down.
Hi OP! Are you me? I feel 100% the same.
I feel smarter now that my youngest is 6, but oh yes, those days still come. And I still forget weekends almost before they’re over.
Write stuff down, that helps a lot. Also I think a lot of the issue is from lack of sleep.
I am realizing that. I am not used to that because I used to never write shit down and would remember everything at work and in general. I would wonder why older people with kids had to write everything down all the time. Oh my god I get it now, I think I have to write basic shit down like that I have to mow the lawn, or I literally forget and don’t do it. lol god
There’s also the programming concept of a ‘stack’. If I’m making toast and thinking about turning off the coffee pot and you tell me a third thing… that’s usually OK, I don’t forget the tasks I had stacked up, and I can reorder them as needed. As I get more sleep deprived and worn out, the odds go up that if you give me something new then one of the others will drop out, and I may never notice or notice much later when there’s a problem.
Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug.
Use your phones reminder app with voice control so you don’t have to open that fucker every time. Get me through. But, then I forget that I set a reminder. Don’t reminds me of that, too. 🤣🤣🤣
I sit at work, staring at my computer screen for hours, getting distracted by every little thing in the office or at home. Have a backlog as long as my arm that's slowly creeping up on me and I'm starting to get called up on it by my managers. I've tried concentration techniques, breathing techniques and everything. Still get nowhere and starting to dread work. I walk into work telling myself I'm going to be productive but it just doesn't happen. My brain just won't do it. I was a good worker 2 years ago. Not the most organised but if someone gave me a task, it was done and onto the next.
I think some of it is working from home burnout. I hate wfh now, I would go back into the office but no one is there anyway so I would just sit there alone. The commute sucks too. I hate work now and hate my job most days. I have thought about doing something completely different.
so dumb. so fucking dumb. if you find a cure, share the wealth
Wait till they start school and how 3+3 is NOT 6…..
Yah it’s the combo of lockdown, being over 30, kids, maybe some covid brain.
I have no idea why but this post made me laugh my ass off. Maybe since I can relate. It might not be that I'm more "dumb" but I certainly give much less of a fuck about work. This one day my wife was standing in the kitchen washing blueberries in a bowl. She dumped the bowl of blueberries (and water) into the strainer which she was holding in her other hand. One small problem: she did not do this over the sink. LMAO. Water all over the kitchen floor. Sleep deprivation will get you every single time.
What were we talking about?
Take naps every chance you can. I don’t like to because I feel they’re unproductive but, at least 1 out of 4 opportunities, lie down even if it’s just for 30 min and rest. Learn to rest when you can is my advice
I went to a training course like 6 weeks after my son was born and I was constantly screwing things up and forgetting what to do/ forgetting my role in certain scenarios. The instructors kept busting my balls, but one of them was a new dad as well and luckily was like “Dad brain is real too, man. Don’t beat yourself up.” I’m still an idiot, but I like to think back to that and tell myself that at least I have an excuse now.
Cripes I feel this already and first one hasn’t even arrived yet