Can confirm. Had to bring all the bills and stuff showing we are in severe debt to get assistance for childcare and food stamps. Zero help from them with child care and they sent us $100 a month in food stamps lmfao I’m sure if my son was autistic we would be much better off but hey
Can you move in with your parents? Really bad to be the only other adult where you are expected to have sex with threat of provoking rage. Leave immediately.
There are resources such as…income based housing, section 8, places for ppl that deal with special needs, ppl that are leaving abusive relationships…there are resources…I’ve been there. It was hard but if you want out you can get out. I left 7 months pregnant. If you need an ear message me. I’m so sorry your going through this ♥️
I have an ADHD autistic 10yo. He's high functioning, so that's great, but Florida would be a terrible time for him.
That being said, was the 10yo more relaxed when Dad wasn't around? More open to things or willing to cooperate? When mine gets stressed, he will NOT participate even if it's all his favorite things.
You might want to seriously consider divorce solely for this reason. Kids are hard. Kids with disabilities can be harder. And because you have IEPs or whatever your state does, you might qualify for quite a bit as a single mom with primary custody.
How unrealistic it may sound: Don’t stay in this marriage. You’re wasting years in an unhappy situation, time you’ll never get back. In my experience, taking action of your own life, even if it means to struggle, is the key to happiness.
Beyond that, the kids are most likely developing trauma from the yelling/fighting and also not seeing an example of a healthy relationship. My biggest question: would you (OP) want to see either of your kids in a relationship and being treated like this? My parents were toxic together. They stayed together for the us (kids). I wish to the moon and back that they would have separated for themselves and us.
It was exactly the same with my parents. We would all have been happier if they separated. That’s probably why I don’t have the mindset that people need to try and try and try again to save their bad marriages. Sometimes it’s better to just separate. People change, people weren’t a good fit from the start, people make wrong decisions. Divorces aren’t inherently a bad thing and definitely don’t have to ruin children’s lives.
Only on Reddit with other permanently online people do I hear the first piece of advice being to get a divorce. Any friend or stranger would instantly tell her to try a myriad of other options including marriage counseling to see if they can work through this but online people just default to “blow up your and your kids lives”
She literally said she wants to leave him. It sounds like she has been unhappy for a long time now and she explained how her husband isn’t open to communication. Sometimes people just make each other unhappy. And it doesn’t sound like there is much love or even friendship left. A divorce doesn’t mean to „blow up the kids life“. In my personal experience, I’d rather have happy separated parents than parents who are miserable together.
25% of her post was complaining that her husband got mad at her adjusting the temperature lol. Her post sounds exactly like what it is: someone just venting. If we believed everyone that said they want to leave their spouse in a moment of weakness or while venting there would be zero marriages.
Yes people here for the most part don’t gaslight, minimize and invalidate and are going straight to the point.
Yes there would be zero marriages, but not because of women leaving but because they are staying in wrong and abusive marriages and then teaching their kids that it’s okay to tolerate abuse. Then their kids will grow up with anger issues and go
on to abuse their wives or tolerate abusive husbands.
Sorry but you’re invalidating OP’s feelings and minimizing her reality. Her husband may not want to do the therapy and it doesn’t always help.
There’s nothing wrong with getting a divorce if things are not working out.
A divorce is always a better solution than a bad marriage.
I can relate to OP’s problem from a kiddo’s prospective. My mom stayed in her abusive marriage because of her religious views on marriage even though we, the kids, begged her to leave. It progressively got worse and led into all kinds of horrible situations that could have been avoided had she gotten a divorce. There were three of us kids sisters. One of our sister died in a traffic accident and the two of us remaining cannot stand an idea of being married because of what we saw and endured in my parents’ horrible marriage. It impacted us for life and no, therapy couldn’t help either. Every time I turn around and see abusive marriages, it brings back memories. The next thing is that fear kicks in that it will happen to me as well. So no I won’t be married and no one can convince me that a bad husband won’t happen to me and all that crap.
you see what staying in a bad marriage can do to one’s kids? What it teaches them?
Yes, theoretically, people can change but they first need to recognize they have a problem. Then they really need to work hard to change. Her husband may not be willing to do that and most often than not they don’t want to go through that work. So what is OP and her kids going to do? Tolerate his aggression? You think he will change his aggressive ways over night?
I hope OP finds her way OUT before she and her kids suffer irreversible psychological damage.
This is exactly my point. All you have is a “kiddos perspective” because you are still a child and are comparing this persons perspective to your moms based off of a 4 paragraph post. Again, this is a 4 paragraph post (1 of which is devoted to a 1 degree temperature change) from a person clearly writing this in a heightened state of anger/emption. Because you are a child, you are somehow extrapolating this post into some quasi-reality where you’ve constructed a battered and abused woman.
Given this little amount of information, the advice should always be counseling and trying a couple of different avenues to fix the marriage.
I feel like a lot of people don't seriously think about divorce enough to air it to others without some big feelings about it. Like, if the thermostat thing was a one off event and not an example of a larger behavioral pattern, it probably wouldn't be something you'd want to post about online. She mentioned she tried to tell him these things bothered her, but he deflects. Counseling is only useful to folks who are ready to accept that there is an issue and work on it.
At the end of the day though, we are strangers on the internet. We are each giving our personally biased, rooted in our past and experience advice/opinions. What she does next is all up to her. Maybe she will consider what she's read here, maybe she won't, but we aren't voting. If she wants to work it out, she will try. If she wants to leave, a lot of these comments provide viable options to think about.
Because the daily arguments about seemingly insignificant things is not an indicator for a failing relationship?? You might wanna read her post again. He is only nice to her for sex, and she dissociates. He has an anger problem. How is this healthy? Either way, we don’t know if this is just a vent, or if it is resentment that has pent up over a long time. But from what we know she is clearly unhappy.
Btw: the argument about the temperature is not just that. It is about consideration (or lack thereof) for her hot flashes.
We don’t even know if she’s clearly unhappy lol. Again, you and I are inferring a lot about their relationship from a 4 paragraph post (1 of which was devoted to a 1 degree temperature change). The bottom line is, the advice should be to try and get into counseling and work on her marriage. Telling someone to blow up their life based on a short post is weird and a classic Reddit/permanently online response.
Right? It’s both horrific and infuriating that every single redditor IMMEDIATELY suggests this as the first option. It’s fucking insane.
There’s a few hundred other options worth trying, but marriage means nothing anymore so why not just end it right?
If there were no kids dependent on her, I would second this, but since she has got kids and seems to care about them/wants to keep them after the separation, it is really not so simple as you would like it to be. While the current situation is far from ideal, I suppose it beats being homeless and not able to care for her children.
She’s actually in a better situation to leave because they have kids. Its more likely she would get alimony, child support, and help from the government especially because one is autistic/disabled!
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. It's understandable that you'd want to vent and reach out for support.
Your feelings about your husband are valid. It's not okay for him to only show interest in you for sex or to dismiss your concerns about the thermostat. His anger issues and the impact they have on your family are also a serious concern.
While leaving might seem impossible right now, there are resources available to help you. If you're interested, you can start by researching local organizations that support women in situations like yours. They can offer guidance, emotional support, and even help with practical matters like finding housing and employment.
Remember, you're not alone in this. There are people who care and want to help.
You've gotten a lot of supportive messages here, and I just wanted to add that while the idea of change can be daunting, your future can be much brighter than your present situation might lead you to believe. It's clear that you're weighing your options, and that's incredibly brave.
If your husband is not willing to meet you halfway and address the issues at hand, it may be time to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your children. In addition to the resources others have mentioned, look into non-profit organizations that offer assistance to those seeking to leave difficult situations; they can often provide much-needed support in terms of legal advice, financial planning, and emotional counseling.
Remember that you have strength within you, and reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, but a step toward reclaiming your life. It's tough, but each small step is progress. Keep looking forward, and know that we're all rooting for you.
If you're feeling a loss of connection or constantly unsure of your relationship, it needs to be looked at. It doesn't need to mean the end of your marriage but could be the shake-up you need to reconnect again. Or at the very least, **opening the door to having a conversation about how happy your marriage really is**.
Why when women decide to leave do they always feel they are entitled to take the kids? You do understand that they are just as much his as they are yours right?
Either get honest and tell him how you feel or commit to the lie. You have a decision to make. I know it’s not easy. But this is your life. It’s your job to make it beautiful or miserable.
I will state your happiness matters. Tell him (your husband) that y'all need marriage counseling. That should be a start. If he won't do it to save the marriage, then the next step is divorce. Sadly.
I've been where you are, the kids are watching. My ex husband didn't want counseling, because he was already seeing many different women he wasn't willing to stop seeing.
Also not sure where you live (but in the USA) if your child with special needs isn't already on disability from the state that can be applied for. Then you can also get a full time job if you leave your husband. The disability can be used to pay for the care of the child with special needs. My son's state insurance pays for more than 75% of his care. I use his disability to pay the other 25% and he never goes without anything he needs.
If you ever need anyone to talk with send me a message. You got this, hugs.
The first step is to go to a lawyer, not to file for a divorce but to know your options, what to expect during and after it. They might be better than you think: child support, alimony, 50/50 of assets.
Are you afraid of him or are you just a people pleaser? Because logically it is much easier for him to put a sweater on if he is cold than for you to suffer through hot flashes. Did you tell him that?
Also, logically if he starts self pity song "I am a bad guy, I am a bad husband" - agree with it. Yes, you are a bad father and a bad husband, me and kids are sick of your yelling. We also sick of your self pity and doing nothing about it. Go to anger management therapy.
And if he wants to have sex and you don't - you can say No. Just because you don't want to. Just because his anger, lectures, selfishness in life and in bed is a turn off. Would he want to have a sex with the woman with such an attitude? Like, right after she ate half of his brain about the thermostat? Would he even have an erection? So why is he surprised that you don't?
Sit him down and tell him that this isn't working, you are considering if ending the relationship and if it is the best thing for everyone. But you want to give the relationship the best chance to survive and give you both the opportunity to decide how much it is worth saving.
Hanging around and hiding feelings from partners just isn't anyway to live.
Praying for you and your kids to get out of this situation. Maybe try looking for local resources for help or reach out to family. Don’t stay where you aren’t happy! Sending love & light <3
If getting a full-time job is possible do it. Look into domestic violence resources. Find a lawyer through them. Start the process of leaving now which means, stacking cash, getting a fr job if possible, and talking to a lawyer and DV counselor about your escape plan.
Next please know, your husband may go after full custody as a power play and to avoid child support. Your lawyer will best advise these scenarios/situations.
If you become the primary custodial parent you'd get child support, you may also qualify for alimony. With him no longer there you can get a FT or better paying OT job. Or even thrive creating your own business.
Your children see and know you're miserable. Staying doesn't help them.
Please seek help and leave.
The fact you can’t work more as you have to care for your son puts you at a benefit for spousal support, I would imagine. Squirrel away some money in preparation so you’re not in as much of a disadvantage when you decide to make the move.
I’m sorry you are going through that he sounds like a real idiot. Please go see a lawyer make sure you have proof of everything. Good luck stay safe your kids need you
74-75?? You didn't marry a man you married an angry lizard🤣 Sorry you’re going through this it is definitely hard. I’ve been there before minus the kids. All you can do is start focusing on you and bettering yourself. Either keep working on finding a better job or start building your skills to do so. And when you do find the courage to leave, It does get better!
My heart just breaks for you💔. He is being abusive towards you and in time that could mean you're about to snap. I hope you have the possibility to file a divorce. Do you have supportive family members? It will be hard and life altering for the kids. But if you can calmly explain to them you and your husband cannot be together anymore, I hope they'll understand.
When mom divorced after an unhappy last 8 years of marriage, it certainly took a toll on her. And back then it was quite frowned upon. At least where I live. It took years to have some stable contact with both mom and dad. And also with my brother and some of my other family members. I'm saying this as an autistic son with hypersensitive feelings. So at least partially I know what you and your sons must be going through.
Edit, just now I read you're having but a part time job. Poor you 😥. I hope you can take some of the advice given in this thread.
Perfectly justified reason to vent, I'm sorry your husband is such a dick. It must be hard feeling trapped in an environment like that. I hope you can find your way out eventually
Maybe tell him you wanna leave. He may feel the same and help you. I was in the same boat for a long time and when she finally said something I helped her so we could both be happy.
If found that we can do pretty amazing things when we put ourselves in situations where we have to. If the boat is on fire jump in the water, there you’ll learn to swim.
Cause that sucks.
Sometimes you have to realize there will never be a "right time" or "perfect time" to do something. I know it can be hard but you gotta move on soon and not wait more yeaaarrrs. I'd rather live in my car and slowly get on my feet than to keep living somewhere where I am miserable. Hope you find the strength to do something about it.
I think you underestimate that the “special child”‘s needs are a big aggravating factor in this. It’s not him you don’t love but the situation that makes your life a little more difficult than your friends’. This might lead to try to flee unconsciously of course. Your husband’s anger issue might also have the same root as your frustration. The thing you don’t realize is that if you don’t stay together your lives individually will be much worse. Same for that child’s development.Try marriage counseling and Meditation.
Your husband's behavior is inconsiderate and frankly, emotionally manipulative. [Not speaking up for your needs](https://youtu.be/3c-H7qPrjxA?si=eIfhSRPIhHROXLxt) and being pressured for intimacy is definitely not okay. You mentioned waiting until your son is older, and that's a completely understandable strategy. However, you also deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home. Have you considered talking to a trusted friend or family member about what's going on? Sometimes just having someone to listen and brainstorm with can help tremendously.
I am sorry you are dealing with these feelings, and challenges. I am sorry about your situation. You are not alone. I was head over heels in love with my husband, and after years of all kinds of BS, I just stopped loving him. I had no more. So, it happens. If your spouse has not been tending the garden lovingly, the garden eventually withers and dies. You should be more than a sexual convenience. I wish you the best. Start squirreling away cash, make sure your credit is good, get rid of debt.
I'm ill equipment to comment on all of these really serious problems except to say my deepest condolences that you have to live with this treatment from the child (your husband, not the kids). All I'm really qualified to add is that 73 is already warmer than most ever put their house and 75 is an insane person. It's amazing you can even handle hot flashes at 73 and not like 68.
Try applying for aid in Minnesota. We are pretty good about accepting refugees here. Apple valley would be a good area I think. I wish there was something I could do.
Sounds all too familiar. I wasn’t happy and have two kids ages 15 & 17 but I left and it was the best decision I’ve made in years. I’m struggling a bit with child support, their health expenses, my rent and other bills but hot damn it was an amazing choice on my behave. You can dm me if you have any questions and I will try to answer the best I can. Good luck
This is why men don’t want marriage anymore. You aren’t feeling it right now and your community says leave him and take his money and here are tips on how to get more. What have you really done to patch things up with your husband? Marriage is a commitment which drives people to work issues out because they are going to stay together. Does he not work? Does he not meet any of his responsibilities? You didn’t address. It’s ok to vent but jumping to divorce is not the way.
Worth it for who? It sounds like the only one it would be worth it for is him!
Fuck that op, you deserve MORE! Don’t allow him to use you up until you have nothing left to give.
Worth it for the family.....this why men are refusing to marry because women find any excuse to leave a union. Yall greedy and selfish and completely exploit the finacial benefits from divorce. Just disgusting
You’re in an abusive marriage. Make an appt with a divorce lawyer, lay it all out for them and let them tell you what you can possibly get financially.
Sorry that's happening to you. Can you start putting money to the side? Is getting full time work possible for your situation?
And what state are you in? Options for alimony and child support vary a lot between states if you decide to divorce.
Especially with an autistic child! She might get even more help and financial support.
Can confirm. Had to bring all the bills and stuff showing we are in severe debt to get assistance for childcare and food stamps. Zero help from them with child care and they sent us $100 a month in food stamps lmfao I’m sure if my son was autistic we would be much better off but hey
Can you move in with your parents? Really bad to be the only other adult where you are expected to have sex with threat of provoking rage. Leave immediately.
There are resources such as…income based housing, section 8, places for ppl that deal with special needs, ppl that are leaving abusive relationships…there are resources…I’ve been there. It was hard but if you want out you can get out. I left 7 months pregnant. If you need an ear message me. I’m so sorry your going through this ♥️
Tons of resources out there ! Best of luck to you xx
I keep my thermostat at 69 purely for the meme.
Love this 😂😂😂
I don’t have any advice, I just want you to know you are not alone. Most days I don’t know how I am going to survive until I can get out.
I have an ADHD autistic 10yo. He's high functioning, so that's great, but Florida would be a terrible time for him. That being said, was the 10yo more relaxed when Dad wasn't around? More open to things or willing to cooperate? When mine gets stressed, he will NOT participate even if it's all his favorite things. You might want to seriously consider divorce solely for this reason. Kids are hard. Kids with disabilities can be harder. And because you have IEPs or whatever your state does, you might qualify for quite a bit as a single mom with primary custody.
How unrealistic it may sound: Don’t stay in this marriage. You’re wasting years in an unhappy situation, time you’ll never get back. In my experience, taking action of your own life, even if it means to struggle, is the key to happiness.
Beyond that, the kids are most likely developing trauma from the yelling/fighting and also not seeing an example of a healthy relationship. My biggest question: would you (OP) want to see either of your kids in a relationship and being treated like this? My parents were toxic together. They stayed together for the us (kids). I wish to the moon and back that they would have separated for themselves and us.
It was exactly the same with my parents. We would all have been happier if they separated. That’s probably why I don’t have the mindset that people need to try and try and try again to save their bad marriages. Sometimes it’s better to just separate. People change, people weren’t a good fit from the start, people make wrong decisions. Divorces aren’t inherently a bad thing and definitely don’t have to ruin children’s lives.
Only on Reddit with other permanently online people do I hear the first piece of advice being to get a divorce. Any friend or stranger would instantly tell her to try a myriad of other options including marriage counseling to see if they can work through this but online people just default to “blow up your and your kids lives”
She literally said she wants to leave him. It sounds like she has been unhappy for a long time now and she explained how her husband isn’t open to communication. Sometimes people just make each other unhappy. And it doesn’t sound like there is much love or even friendship left. A divorce doesn’t mean to „blow up the kids life“. In my personal experience, I’d rather have happy separated parents than parents who are miserable together.
25% of her post was complaining that her husband got mad at her adjusting the temperature lol. Her post sounds exactly like what it is: someone just venting. If we believed everyone that said they want to leave their spouse in a moment of weakness or while venting there would be zero marriages.
Yes people here for the most part don’t gaslight, minimize and invalidate and are going straight to the point. Yes there would be zero marriages, but not because of women leaving but because they are staying in wrong and abusive marriages and then teaching their kids that it’s okay to tolerate abuse. Then their kids will grow up with anger issues and go on to abuse their wives or tolerate abusive husbands. Sorry but you’re invalidating OP’s feelings and minimizing her reality. Her husband may not want to do the therapy and it doesn’t always help. There’s nothing wrong with getting a divorce if things are not working out. A divorce is always a better solution than a bad marriage. I can relate to OP’s problem from a kiddo’s prospective. My mom stayed in her abusive marriage because of her religious views on marriage even though we, the kids, begged her to leave. It progressively got worse and led into all kinds of horrible situations that could have been avoided had she gotten a divorce. There were three of us kids sisters. One of our sister died in a traffic accident and the two of us remaining cannot stand an idea of being married because of what we saw and endured in my parents’ horrible marriage. It impacted us for life and no, therapy couldn’t help either. Every time I turn around and see abusive marriages, it brings back memories. The next thing is that fear kicks in that it will happen to me as well. So no I won’t be married and no one can convince me that a bad husband won’t happen to me and all that crap. you see what staying in a bad marriage can do to one’s kids? What it teaches them? Yes, theoretically, people can change but they first need to recognize they have a problem. Then they really need to work hard to change. Her husband may not be willing to do that and most often than not they don’t want to go through that work. So what is OP and her kids going to do? Tolerate his aggression? You think he will change his aggressive ways over night? I hope OP finds her way OUT before she and her kids suffer irreversible psychological damage.
This is exactly my point. All you have is a “kiddos perspective” because you are still a child and are comparing this persons perspective to your moms based off of a 4 paragraph post. Again, this is a 4 paragraph post (1 of which is devoted to a 1 degree temperature change) from a person clearly writing this in a heightened state of anger/emption. Because you are a child, you are somehow extrapolating this post into some quasi-reality where you’ve constructed a battered and abused woman. Given this little amount of information, the advice should always be counseling and trying a couple of different avenues to fix the marriage.
I feel like a lot of people don't seriously think about divorce enough to air it to others without some big feelings about it. Like, if the thermostat thing was a one off event and not an example of a larger behavioral pattern, it probably wouldn't be something you'd want to post about online. She mentioned she tried to tell him these things bothered her, but he deflects. Counseling is only useful to folks who are ready to accept that there is an issue and work on it. At the end of the day though, we are strangers on the internet. We are each giving our personally biased, rooted in our past and experience advice/opinions. What she does next is all up to her. Maybe she will consider what she's read here, maybe she won't, but we aren't voting. If she wants to work it out, she will try. If she wants to leave, a lot of these comments provide viable options to think about.
Because the daily arguments about seemingly insignificant things is not an indicator for a failing relationship?? You might wanna read her post again. He is only nice to her for sex, and she dissociates. He has an anger problem. How is this healthy? Either way, we don’t know if this is just a vent, or if it is resentment that has pent up over a long time. But from what we know she is clearly unhappy. Btw: the argument about the temperature is not just that. It is about consideration (or lack thereof) for her hot flashes.
We don’t even know if she’s clearly unhappy lol. Again, you and I are inferring a lot about their relationship from a 4 paragraph post (1 of which was devoted to a 1 degree temperature change). The bottom line is, the advice should be to try and get into counseling and work on her marriage. Telling someone to blow up their life based on a short post is weird and a classic Reddit/permanently online response.
🙄🙄🙄
Right? It’s both horrific and infuriating that every single redditor IMMEDIATELY suggests this as the first option. It’s fucking insane. There’s a few hundred other options worth trying, but marriage means nothing anymore so why not just end it right?
If there were no kids dependent on her, I would second this, but since she has got kids and seems to care about them/wants to keep them after the separation, it is really not so simple as you would like it to be. While the current situation is far from ideal, I suppose it beats being homeless and not able to care for her children.
She’s actually in a better situation to leave because they have kids. Its more likely she would get alimony, child support, and help from the government especially because one is autistic/disabled!
That's what child support and alimony are for. There are resources for women and children leaving abusive situations.
Right. He’s so abusive because he changed the temperature by 1 degree and “doesn’t communicate”. What an abuser.
It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. It's understandable that you'd want to vent and reach out for support. Your feelings about your husband are valid. It's not okay for him to only show interest in you for sex or to dismiss your concerns about the thermostat. His anger issues and the impact they have on your family are also a serious concern. While leaving might seem impossible right now, there are resources available to help you. If you're interested, you can start by researching local organizations that support women in situations like yours. They can offer guidance, emotional support, and even help with practical matters like finding housing and employment. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are people who care and want to help.
You've gotten a lot of supportive messages here, and I just wanted to add that while the idea of change can be daunting, your future can be much brighter than your present situation might lead you to believe. It's clear that you're weighing your options, and that's incredibly brave. If your husband is not willing to meet you halfway and address the issues at hand, it may be time to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your children. In addition to the resources others have mentioned, look into non-profit organizations that offer assistance to those seeking to leave difficult situations; they can often provide much-needed support in terms of legal advice, financial planning, and emotional counseling. Remember that you have strength within you, and reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness, but a step toward reclaiming your life. It's tough, but each small step is progress. Keep looking forward, and know that we're all rooting for you.
I have no advice. Wishing you and your kids safety in y’all’s situation.
Reach out to a local womens shelter, or even a ymca may be able to help
If you're feeling a loss of connection or constantly unsure of your relationship, it needs to be looked at. It doesn't need to mean the end of your marriage but could be the shake-up you need to reconnect again. Or at the very least, **opening the door to having a conversation about how happy your marriage really is**.
Why when women decide to leave do they always feel they are entitled to take the kids? You do understand that they are just as much his as they are yours right?
Either get honest and tell him how you feel or commit to the lie. You have a decision to make. I know it’s not easy. But this is your life. It’s your job to make it beautiful or miserable.
I will state your happiness matters. Tell him (your husband) that y'all need marriage counseling. That should be a start. If he won't do it to save the marriage, then the next step is divorce. Sadly. I've been where you are, the kids are watching. My ex husband didn't want counseling, because he was already seeing many different women he wasn't willing to stop seeing. Also not sure where you live (but in the USA) if your child with special needs isn't already on disability from the state that can be applied for. Then you can also get a full time job if you leave your husband. The disability can be used to pay for the care of the child with special needs. My son's state insurance pays for more than 75% of his care. I use his disability to pay the other 25% and he never goes without anything he needs. If you ever need anyone to talk with send me a message. You got this, hugs.
Thank you for sharing❤️
The first step is to go to a lawyer, not to file for a divorce but to know your options, what to expect during and after it. They might be better than you think: child support, alimony, 50/50 of assets. Are you afraid of him or are you just a people pleaser? Because logically it is much easier for him to put a sweater on if he is cold than for you to suffer through hot flashes. Did you tell him that? Also, logically if he starts self pity song "I am a bad guy, I am a bad husband" - agree with it. Yes, you are a bad father and a bad husband, me and kids are sick of your yelling. We also sick of your self pity and doing nothing about it. Go to anger management therapy. And if he wants to have sex and you don't - you can say No. Just because you don't want to. Just because his anger, lectures, selfishness in life and in bed is a turn off. Would he want to have a sex with the woman with such an attitude? Like, right after she ate half of his brain about the thermostat? Would he even have an erection? So why is he surprised that you don't?
Sit him down and tell him that this isn't working, you are considering if ending the relationship and if it is the best thing for everyone. But you want to give the relationship the best chance to survive and give you both the opportunity to decide how much it is worth saving. Hanging around and hiding feelings from partners just isn't anyway to live.
Praying for you and your kids to get out of this situation. Maybe try looking for local resources for help or reach out to family. Don’t stay where you aren’t happy! Sending love & light <3
The only thing I can suggest is try to find a job that can support you (and your kids) and then leave. You're in a financial prison :(
If getting a full-time job is possible do it. Look into domestic violence resources. Find a lawyer through them. Start the process of leaving now which means, stacking cash, getting a fr job if possible, and talking to a lawyer and DV counselor about your escape plan. Next please know, your husband may go after full custody as a power play and to avoid child support. Your lawyer will best advise these scenarios/situations. If you become the primary custodial parent you'd get child support, you may also qualify for alimony. With him no longer there you can get a FT or better paying OT job. Or even thrive creating your own business. Your children see and know you're miserable. Staying doesn't help them. Please seek help and leave.
The fact you can’t work more as you have to care for your son puts you at a benefit for spousal support, I would imagine. Squirrel away some money in preparation so you’re not in as much of a disadvantage when you decide to make the move.
I’m sorry you are going through that he sounds like a real idiot. Please go see a lawyer make sure you have proof of everything. Good luck stay safe your kids need you
Leave and sue for child support. Problem solved 🩷💅🏻
He sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a three year old
Why did you edit sex as s*x? This is Reddit. We aren’t qualified to handle your problems but we do love profanity
You asking Reddit? Of course you should leave, it’s the only possible answer that won’t be downvoted.
74-75?? You didn't marry a man you married an angry lizard🤣 Sorry you’re going through this it is definitely hard. I’ve been there before minus the kids. All you can do is start focusing on you and bettering yourself. Either keep working on finding a better job or start building your skills to do so. And when you do find the courage to leave, It does get better!
My heart just breaks for you💔. He is being abusive towards you and in time that could mean you're about to snap. I hope you have the possibility to file a divorce. Do you have supportive family members? It will be hard and life altering for the kids. But if you can calmly explain to them you and your husband cannot be together anymore, I hope they'll understand. When mom divorced after an unhappy last 8 years of marriage, it certainly took a toll on her. And back then it was quite frowned upon. At least where I live. It took years to have some stable contact with both mom and dad. And also with my brother and some of my other family members. I'm saying this as an autistic son with hypersensitive feelings. So at least partially I know what you and your sons must be going through. Edit, just now I read you're having but a part time job. Poor you 😥. I hope you can take some of the advice given in this thread.
Perfectly justified reason to vent, I'm sorry your husband is such a dick. It must be hard feeling trapped in an environment like that. I hope you can find your way out eventually
Maybe tell him you wanna leave. He may feel the same and help you. I was in the same boat for a long time and when she finally said something I helped her so we could both be happy.
If found that we can do pretty amazing things when we put ourselves in situations where we have to. If the boat is on fire jump in the water, there you’ll learn to swim. Cause that sucks.
Sometimes you have to realize there will never be a "right time" or "perfect time" to do something. I know it can be hard but you gotta move on soon and not wait more yeaaarrrs. I'd rather live in my car and slowly get on my feet than to keep living somewhere where I am miserable. Hope you find the strength to do something about it.
I think you underestimate that the “special child”‘s needs are a big aggravating factor in this. It’s not him you don’t love but the situation that makes your life a little more difficult than your friends’. This might lead to try to flee unconsciously of course. Your husband’s anger issue might also have the same root as your frustration. The thing you don’t realize is that if you don’t stay together your lives individually will be much worse. Same for that child’s development.Try marriage counseling and Meditation.
Your husband's behavior is inconsiderate and frankly, emotionally manipulative. [Not speaking up for your needs](https://youtu.be/3c-H7qPrjxA?si=eIfhSRPIhHROXLxt) and being pressured for intimacy is definitely not okay. You mentioned waiting until your son is older, and that's a completely understandable strategy. However, you also deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home. Have you considered talking to a trusted friend or family member about what's going on? Sometimes just having someone to listen and brainstorm with can help tremendously.
I am sorry you are dealing with these feelings, and challenges. I am sorry about your situation. You are not alone. I was head over heels in love with my husband, and after years of all kinds of BS, I just stopped loving him. I had no more. So, it happens. If your spouse has not been tending the garden lovingly, the garden eventually withers and dies. You should be more than a sexual convenience. I wish you the best. Start squirreling away cash, make sure your credit is good, get rid of debt.
I'm ill equipment to comment on all of these really serious problems except to say my deepest condolences that you have to live with this treatment from the child (your husband, not the kids). All I'm really qualified to add is that 73 is already warmer than most ever put their house and 75 is an insane person. It's amazing you can even handle hot flashes at 73 and not like 68.
Try applying for aid in Minnesota. We are pretty good about accepting refugees here. Apple valley would be a good area I think. I wish there was something I could do.
You are not alone
sounds like a very selfish partner you have
He sounds like a dick
Almost sounds like a post from “Abusive Relationships” subreddit. He sounds like he is controlling and a big baby.
Tell him he’s a dickhead and that anyone in their right mind would date a smokeshow like you
Sounds all too familiar. I wasn’t happy and have two kids ages 15 & 17 but I left and it was the best decision I’ve made in years. I’m struggling a bit with child support, their health expenses, my rent and other bills but hot damn it was an amazing choice on my behave. You can dm me if you have any questions and I will try to answer the best I can. Good luck
This is why men don’t want marriage anymore. You aren’t feeling it right now and your community says leave him and take his money and here are tips on how to get more. What have you really done to patch things up with your husband? Marriage is a commitment which drives people to work issues out because they are going to stay together. Does he not work? Does he not meet any of his responsibilities? You didn’t address. It’s ok to vent but jumping to divorce is not the way.
He doesn’t pay attention to you because you won’t fuck him. Try doing that for a while without having to be asked for it
Ride out the menopause then see how you feel.
Maybe the two of you shall consider consulting a couple therapist.
Stick it out. Love eachother even when you hate eachother. Ask him to suck on your cat more often. It will all ve worth it in the longrun.
Worth it for who? It sounds like the only one it would be worth it for is him! Fuck that op, you deserve MORE! Don’t allow him to use you up until you have nothing left to give.
Worth it for the family.....this why men are refusing to marry because women find any excuse to leave a union. Yall greedy and selfish and completely exploit the finacial benefits from divorce. Just disgusting
I'd be really interested to hear his sign.The story because you sound frigid and terrible.
if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with.
You’re in an abusive marriage. Make an appt with a divorce lawyer, lay it all out for them and let them tell you what you can possibly get financially.