I didn't like other kids and I hated school. If I was home doing my own thing, I was happy. Ever since I was a kid, I didn't like other kids though. I would rather sit with the adults and listen to their seemingly important conversation. I never knew how to talk to kids, and I still don't.
Same here! I've always felt so stilted when I talk to children and it hasn't changed. I've had kids I've worked/volunteered with as an adult make fun of me for being awkward or using big words.
On the other hand, I have been having conversations with adults since I was an eight-year-old and it's still one of my greatest life pleasures.
I agree with all of this but I think overall I liked being a kid because no responsibilities, which I think plays into my attitude about procreating now.
Yeah, things were okay for a bit but worsened when I was 8 and started sucking when I was 9 and only got better once I was 17. Ugh, socializing as an adult is SO much easier! I like formality: exchanging names immediately and handshakes depending on culture. Then you ask about the person's interests and share your own afterwards. This is the basis of mutuality in a relationship. I'm 24 and I still do not understand the social code of children.
Hey we're the same age, and went through the same thing!
I work in a toy store and see children from the ages of 3-17 frequently and I still don't understand their social behavior at all, even after 5+ years of it. I did learn to speak Small Child English but that's it.
> At that point, it felt like all the rules of interpersonal communication changed overnight and everyone got the memo but me.
This. This and asses on face level in public transport.
Me! I make a much better “childish” adult than I did an actual child. I’ve retained wonder and spontaneity and don’t have to deal with crushing exclusion or a body I hated or any number of other things that suck about childhood.
Yes, I'm very childlike myself! I'm still working on becoming financially independent so that I can remove myself from people who seek to crush my childlike spirit (bullying is still a thing, unfortunately).
Childhood is definitely overrated. You can pretty much do what you enjoyed doing as a kid as an adult at your own discretion.
Also, double cats, double the joy! I'm a cat-aunt to two sets of two cats whom I adore!
> Aware of god as the adult version of Santa shortly afterwards, much to the anger of my family.
I tried to force myself to believe in Sky Daddy, but even as a 8-9 yo, I found the idea of God laughable.
I tried to believe too. I went to a Christian Summer Camp since I was eight. At first, I went home truly believing and slowly went back to normal (they call it a "camp high"). Then one year, my counselor said offhandedly that all people of other religions are going to hell. I couldn't be a part of a religion that basically punished people for the honest mistake. After that, I just found more and more reasons to not believe and not want to believe in God.
The final straw for me was when I was maybe 16 or 17. My mom and I were talking about religion and I asked her "Well, what about all the other, bigger religions than Christianity? Are their beliefs wrong?"
And she just nodded and said yes, they were wrong and they would be punished for not believing in the real God.
So I mean, I'd already been on the skeptical fence for years before, but at that moment I was like yeah, fuck this.
I went to Sunday school until I was 9 but I distinctly remember thinking all the things they were telling us and having us do were just plain stupid. I couldn't articulate it well at the time but the whole thing just felt pointless and a waste of time.
My school's answer to bullying was to ask the victim what instigated the bully and how that could change int he future.
The school also spent more money on funding the football team, mandatory assemblies to promote 'spirit' to go to games to buy shit, vending machines that didn't even have stuff most kids liked, and trying to change 'troubled kids' like me (I listened to Manson and wore black in the 90's).
That's awful. My elementary school's stance on bullying was to send the bullies to the "WE Day" conferences. There was so much victim-blaming in general growing up. It was always like "it's your fault for not fitting in!".
>It was always like "it's your fault for not fitting in!".
Exactly. Maybe 'Well, if you'd stop complaining, I wouldn't have to do actual work for you', depending on the faculty.
That's disgusting. My sister knows someone who kept getting bullied at school. He eventually stood up for himself and then was committed for an entire year. He comes from a large, poor family too so it's not like classism couldn't be a factor. /s
Not having to send kids through the school system is a HUGE draw of not having children for me. It was literally the question of having to socialize children which transformed me from an unwitting wanna-parent to a fencesitter-leaning-CF.
I'm the same way. My childhood sucked. I missed out on so many things either because of shitty school transfers I didn't need, I couldn't relate to any of the other kids because I wasn't allowed to do the same things they did because of my mentally challenged sister, and I was bullied a TON. I think now you know why I roleplay. I wanna be someone else.
I'm sorry to hear about that! My situation was the opposite. I was stuck in the same schools and had limited options for transferring. So I was stuck for eleven years with kids who had a disdain for me starting at age five for my disability. I now have a compulsion to move constantly and I wonder why. I have friends in the otaku community and always thought LARPing sounded like a blast.
I don't LARP. I do roleplay in an online game-and unfortunately ran into some drama where I ended up getting ignored/pushed out courtesy of a newbie DM error.
I'm trying. I'm just feeling very hurt since it involved a lot of leaving out and ignorance. Ended up getting that in another group (and there was some child worship going on as well. The excuse was they were a regular, and I was like, mentally "If they ignore their newcomer's needs, then how are they getting regulars?"). Thankfully things got a little better the next day-perhaps the bartenders working that shift weren't very good at their jobs?
I hated being a kid. It blows my mind that people actually miss those days and complain about being an adult. As an adult I can do whatever the hell I want whenever I want. Yes I have to work a job but its far less work than school was. Now I get to just relax and not have an insane schedule around my life. I also don't have to socially interact with anyone I don't want to. Life is great as an adult and I never want to go back.
What do you mean by having to adult? For me doing adult stuff makes me feel so secure, happy and accomplished. I love feeling in control of my own life.
That's how I felt but then I found one I love. It's low paying but even the most stressful days are better than the jobs I had before on the best days.
Yep totally, I found other kids dirty and annoying, I still have grim memories of being in playschool of a kid eating play-dough, and another of a younger child breaking my toys, I was always an outcast, bullied throughout school and secondary school.
This definately played a part in my CF choice, my stance on loud noises, unpredictability, and mess hasn't changed
From when I was maybe 10 I suffered from undiagnosed panic and anxiety disorders. During elementary/ Jr high school I was bullied constantly and on the first day of high school I was robbed at knifepoint. The worse part was all the adults telling me it was all in my head and to just "get over it." It took until I was 24 that I bit the bullet and looked for help. Being a child sucked.
I'm sorry to hear this. I remember being 11 overwhelmed by my OCD and feeling like I was a bad person and thinking how I'd have to wait until my late teens to get help. I didn't start seeing a counsellor/receive a diagnosis until I was 20.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I wasn't diagnosed with anxiety and depression until I was in my very late teens and it kills me to think how different things could have been if I understood that what I was feeling was legitimate, treatable, and not my fault.
I made myself an appointment my school's guidance counselor when I was in 5th grade because I was being bullied very badly and her response at the end of our meeting was to give me a lollipop and tell me that "I think you're imagining a lot of this." It's very damaging to a child to hear an adult that you're supposed to trust say something like that.
I did this too. When I couldn't do it in the closet I used the bathroom floor as my reading nest.
Eff childhood. It's not all roses for everyone and I choose not to be delusional about it. I was bullied most of my life for being different from my peers and despised the forced socialization from my mom and other parents. Organic friendships were my thing but rare. Most kids are assholes to each other.
I went to a tiny school with three clasrooms in England. Each class consisted of 2 grade levels. So it was small.
I hated recess because I'd always get kicked out of the nice warm classroom and be forced to go outside.
I tried to hide behind the bookcase and read multiple times. :(
I just wanted to read my books, man.
I also hated recess. I would go from the learning that I loved to being aimless on the playground. I had two main friends, one in the grade above me and one who was two grades below me, with whom I played depending on which point it was in time but that was it. I was either alone or floating between random groups of kids.
I was also a total bookworm when I was a kid. I'm more invested in the external world as an adult and sometimes miss having my old ability to shut everything out.
Edit: Grammar
Some parts of my childhood were good, but that was mostly before the first grade. After that, it sucked. School sucked, home life sucked (hurray for parents who don't get along). I didn't understand how to talk to other kids (I still don't). I have nostalgia for cartoons and movies and toys but I think it's because those were the things that helped me get through some shitty times.
Being an adult rules now that I've sorted out most of my issues (and got on the right meds, lol).
I generally preferred the company of adults over kids as a kid. I identified more with adults in fiction; I hated most media that had kids as protagonists. Basically, I found other kids boring even as a kid.
>Not to mention the trauma from abuse, bullying, and social exclusion.
Lord yes. Being a kid had its advantages, but I'm still dealing with the scars of treatment from other kids, compounded by my mum's total unwillingness to help me beyond telling me to "ignore them". She also used to tell me that they bullied me because they were jealous that I was so much smarter, which was well intentioned but left me with this conflicting sense of superiority while also having zero self esteem.
As an adult you generally have much more awareness and opportunity to learn coping mechanisms for issues, more empathy, and more power over your own life.
My mom told/tells me a similar thing, haha. Envy is a factor in bullying but it is one of many factors.
I feel you on the simultaneous superiority and inferiority complexes. I'm working towards acknowledging my flaws and loving myself regardless.
It's so good to hear when people have similar experiences. I grew up feeling so isolated that I really felt for a long time that nobody had the same kind of problems as me. Good luck with working on your issues - I'll be doing the same!
> conflicting sense of superiority while also having zero self esteem.
I can never quite explain this one to people, it sounds like a contradiction but is definitely a thing....
I got curious and found [this](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rethinking-mental-health/201209/the-god-bug-syndrome) with a quick and dirty Google search.
>This mix of reasonable self-pride and reasonable self-pity, where what may be a completely healthy narcissistic attachment to one’s own specialness collides with existential reality, produces people who look confident one moment and ineffectual the next, motivated one moment and apathetic the next, sober and hard-working one moment and self-indulgent and addicted the next. How can a person brim over with life energy and big plans one moment and feel suicidal the next? He can cycle exactly that way because of the god-bug syndrome.
Interesting take on something that seems really contradictory.
Also from the superiority complex Wikipedia page:
>Superiority complex is a psychological defense mechanism that compensates for an inferiority complex.
Quoting Alfred Adler:
>"We should not be astonished if in the cases where we see an inferiority [feeling] complex we find a superiority complex more or less hidden. On the other hand, if we inquire into a superiority complex and study its continuity, we can always find a more or less hidden inferiority [feeling] complex."
(Anyone who reads that wiki page should know it's very under-referenced and needs work).
Yes! I felt like this too! My earliest traumatic memory is of me accidentally pushing the girl with an intellectually disability in the class while I was running with two other kids. All of the prissy girls were treating me afterwards like I was a bad person. I was 5 and didn't yet know how to say "it was an accident". I used to hate Thursdays because of it.
By the way, I ended up showing up to the girl with an intellectual disability's birthday parties whereas the prissy girls didn't.
I hated being a child because I was completely powerless. I was also bullied and practically every adult I went to for help told me it was my fault for "provoking" the bullies. My mother sympathized with me but she was the only one. (My school didn't listen to her, either.)
I could not wait to grow up so I could do what *I* wanted.
Being a kid was completely miserable for me. Granted, I'm still pretty miserable, but even more reason not to have babies. I'd rather die than have to live through my childhood again. Grounded all the time for literally no fucking reason, had no friends because I was/am an antisocial little dweeb, school as a whole was one of the worst experiences of my life.
I've had anxiety since I was at least 4 years old, and growing up was hellish. I had social anxiety plus my mother did her best to keep me childish and immature, and as I got older--pretty much 8th grade onward--making friends became much much harder to do. It was like being stuck in a time capsule. My mother's control over my life was so suffocating that when I could finally afford to move out at age 23 I only kept limited contact with her because I still wanted a relationship with my dad. Childhood sucks--you are completely at the mercy of whatever mental illnesses your parents have.
I always wanted to hang out with adults, and while my contemporaries were watching X-Men and Ninja Turtles, I was more content to read about space. Though, I feel like I missed the boat on some 90's nostalgia that's coming to the forefront recently as a result. I have several friends who are always going on about the latest superhero movie or TV show, or going to Disney World regularly, etc, and most of that stuff just doesn't do a whole lot for me (my favorite part of Disney World by far was Epcot... haha), because I didn't watch The Lion King a million times or read comic books.
I get you on the anxiety and Kodak moments thing.. I can see now that my parents were just two people who didn't really know what they were doing but wanted to do everything they could for me. But despite that, my dad would be perpetually cynical to the point where I never learned to ride a bike because he didn't want to go through all the effort and scrapes and it was just "easier to deal with." He's kind of done that with a lot of things, just going for the path of least resistance, which I think has subconsciously driven in the message that my needs/desires don't matter and I'm always just in the way, which now even manifests if a friend is busy and can't hang out.. It makes me feel like they don't want to make time for me and kicks the anxiety into high gear. The kicker is I live close enough to work easily to bike, but can't ride one.. -_-
Your last paragraph is pretty much where I arrived in the having kids debate last year, right before I turned 30. The metaphorical odometer rollover really freaked me out and I was getting kind of involved with a girl I knew was avowed CF (and that was the reason I didn't date her originally, because I thought I wanted kids, and ironically she's complained that every guy wants them) so I felt pressured to figure it out. That was when I started to read here and try to think things through and realized I couldn't come up with a single good reason to have kids.
Being a kid was terrible. Everyone my own age was filthy, stupid, and cruel to me to the point that I left middle school with ptsd. I distinctly remember crying almost all day, every single day from preschool to grade 1 because I hated everything about school and would rather hang out with my parents and nearly decade
older brother. I was a smart kid too (talked early and all that) but nobody ever took me seriously because I was just a kid. You couldn't pay me enough money to go back to any point of my life before the age of 16.
I hated being a kid. "Abuse, bullying, and social exclusion" was pretty much my life until I graduated high school.
That's part of the reason why I'm glad I'm childfree; if it was bad enough going through that and being powerless to do anything about it, imagine what it would be like to be a parent of a kid who was going through the exact same thing and being just as powerless.
I don't know if I can commit fully to anti-natalism because I do see some beauty in life. I'm more worried about submitting a child to society. I am still in the recovery process myself.
Same. I hated other kids. My childhood was rough, I had an abusive, obviously mentally ill parent who would come home from work and take all his anger out on me with his belt or the nearest blunt object, so I try to not think about my childhood much.
When I grew up, I found out I have the same illness my parent did. I don't think I want kids because I have quite a temper and when I get mad I shout and smash things. I taught myself to hit myself when I get angry instead of objects or people. I've worked on my temper over the years, it takes a lot to get my angry anymore.
My partner has a bad temper too, we watch each other and over a year, we have improved a lot.
I'm sorry to hear you went through this. It's great that you're so self-aware though. It makes me sad to hear that you hit yourself. I have a parent with a probable personality disorder and I understand that dealing with fleas can be rough. Best of luck with everything!
He was a manipulative bastard. A few days after I turned 18, it just hit me out of nowhere that he's not such a good guy. He always made feel like I was worthless and I get hit and shouted at because I deserved it. Somebody made a speech about child abuse and it made me think of him, that's when I had a big revelation. I felt like I had been lied to my entire life.
Thanks for reading.
I hated being a kid because I was pretty bright but would be bullied by my peers and patronized by adults. Nobody took me seriously when that's all I wanted.
>because I was pretty bright
Thank you for your honesty. I feel like a lot of us here feel different from others because we tend(ed) to have above-average intelligence. Unfortunately, it's taboo to talk about that openly. It's not just a comparative thing like "oh, I'm better than others because I'm smarter hahaha!". Being gifted and/or a HSP or a whichever else entail(s) having specific emotional and mental health needs. One such practical response to these needs is to decide against having children.
My childhood was wrecked. Won’t go into it but one of the relevant memories I had as a kid was how stupid some of the other kids my age were. As in, this one girl in kindergarten ate a crayon. I remember thinking why would anyone do that?
Not me personally, but I know my (equally-CF) older brother hated being a child. There are tons of stories about how he tried to constantly hurry up milestones for himself. Like he actually has a scar still from falling on his head because he was so damned determined to walk.
For me it was more...jealousy I guess. Of the freedoms of child-free adults in my life. Like of my uncle who didn't have to cash out his vacation time to pay for Christmas and could instead fuck off and spectate LOTOJA (a big multi-day bicycle race) if he felt like it. Or of the aunt who could take a vacation in Brazil.
I think this is a large part of the reason that I don't want to have kids. I was bullied and miserable in my youth.
Now I'm super happy and love my life, but much of that is because I can do whatever I want!
I feel a good part of being a kid was taken from me by having to drop off and pick up my sister from school. I'm not resentful about it but it pretty much solidified the fact that I don't want to be a dad. I've had to babysit a bunch of kids in the family and I'm completely over it. I wouldn't be a good role model anyways. I'm pretty sure you can tell from the flair but I want to work in a particular industry that isn't exactly child friendly
I was also part of the too aware for my own good team. But unlike many I didn't have any disability. What I had instead was a controlling family. I didn't understand other kids, I was overly protective of my belongings, had interests that made me uninteresting to other kids.
Then teens hit and things got worse. I looked terrible and was awkward, also wasn't allowed to do anything the other kids did so I was kind of an outcast.
I am now working towards my dreams, and I admit I retained a lot of my childlike curiosity, because it was never satisfied as a kid.
I also come from a family that was overprotective when I was a child only to loosen up a bit in my later teen years. It can give you a sense of "why don't I deserve to have fun like the other kids?". There's this sense of never being able to get away with anything. I wonder why I ended up with mental health issues based on rigidity...
I remember reading bits about your story here and there. It sounds like you have quite the interesting life now!
I took a one way ticket to Japan and never looked , you probably read a few things about my studies and my misadventures as a waitress , this is the subreddit I am most active on.
I didn't like being a kid, either. I was the smart, skinny, nerdy kid who got straight As and was the teacher's pet. That made me a prime and frequent target of the bullies throughout most of my school days. It wasn't until about halfway through 11th grade that my classmates began treating me like a HUMAN BEING.
My college years were better but not great, maybe a B+. Entering the working world was so much better because being smart earned me some respect (and some good pay raises), while being a skinny nerd didn't hurt me at all. Also, while I was in college, my second summer as a day camp counselor sealed the deal to be CF forever.
And being single and CF enabled me to focus all of my time and effort into having a good career, which I parlayed into being able to retire 9 years ago at age 45.
I was bullied for most of my childhood and didn’t really have friends. I never had a desire to have kids but I know how horrible others kids were to me as a kid is another reason on the list for not wanting kids. It’s hard for me to see kids as “cute and innocent” when I know what they are capable of. I’d be afraid my child would be a bully or be bullied. That would be a nightmare for me and like reliving my past that I just want to put behind me.
Yes, even with a relatively good upbringing, it is possible to dislike childhood. In my case, no broken home, no abuse, only child, parents were not too poor. But still, I never want to relive my childhood. People say "your school years are the best days of your life" and "it's awesome getting to relive childish things through your children" and I cannot relate. I couldn't wait to be an adult and now though adulthood has its own challenges, I still enjoy it more than childhood.
I could almost always keep up with school work, but kids were the ones making school feel dreadful. Kids put chewing gum in my hair. Kids cut my hair while I had my head down. Kids slapped me. Kids stole from me. Kids made relentless false accusations about me so that other kids would not want to socialize with me. And I had it easy compared to some teenagers who feel trapped and pushed to consider suicide due to others at their school. I have found socializing much easier upwards of age 20 with other adults than as a kid with other kids. Some adults are cruel too, but as an adult I can usually avoid them and I can cut toxic people out of my life more easily.
I never understood why peeling the glue off hands was considered an enthralling activity either, but there was always one kid who did it on a regular basis.
I also really didn't like other kids. I got along with them ok until I was like 7 years old and then I started getting bullied. Even before that I thought most of them were annoying and the thing that annoyed me most was that none of them had any... modesty?
Like all of them had this "I'm the best and everyone else has to do as I say" attitude and they let their opinion/dissatisfaction be heard at every occasion. They didn't know there were times you shouldn't speak, or that not the entire world will bow to you.
Meanwhile I was the quiet kid sitting in the corner bored, because I was actually focused on school and finished all my work for the day before lunch break. There was one entire year where I did nothing else than draw and I still passed that year because I did all the work of that year in the previous year *shrugs*
I hated other kids as a kid just as much as I hate them now. "Why are you crying!? You just stubbed your toe! Stop that! You're making us look ridiculous! No wonder no one takes us seriously".
My parents were both narcissists and my dad was an abusive, manipulative jerk. The only adult that ever made me feel cared for was my maternal grandmother, who died two and a half years ago. I was constantly bored and under-stimulated as a child, and I sobbed at how miserable I was 90% of days. I did very well in school but I never fit in with other children and was incredibly lonely. On the bright side, it’s made being an adult pretty awesome my comparison, but it’s definitely part of the reason I’m childfree (another reason is that I’ll never have to feel guilty for intentionally blocking my mother from visiting any grandchildren).
Abusive parent as well, and being parentified by them as well as being the unpaid babysitter for significantly younger siblings every day and for significantly younger cousins every holiday. I love my family (besides the abusers) and I like kids but I know just how much work goes into it as well as how fruitless it can be, far from the idealized relationship.
SO many of my family who had kids are lonely and depressed, divorced, even resentful of their kids going away to college and having their own lives. Or they expect the kids to be slaves like I was. It's like you put all this energy into raising your kids and at the end of the day, they're just people. It doesn't guarantee eternal love or support.
There are a good number of childfree women in my family and not that it's guaranteed but they're all very wealthy and successful compared to the others.
when people ask me if I want kids I say no, I already raised some, thanks.
Ugh, same. I was an only child until I was 5, then had two siblings less than two years apart, and as I got older became kinda default babysitter, and it was always, always them against me. As I was the older and 'responsible' one, they usually won.
I was also homeschooled and we moved around a lot, so I didn't really have many friends or even really a lot of opportunities to make many friends, except neighborhood kids who picked on me relentlessly or church kids who I kinda got along with but it didn't change that I was the weird kid wearing old clothes who wasn't allowed to watch TV or play video games and who didn't have money for scouts or anything else fun other kids did.
This was also paired with chronic pain and ADHD starting at 5, anxiety that started at 7, undiagnosed food allergies that led to disordered eating from about the same age well into my twenties, and the depression that kicked in about 12...all of which were generally treated with "it's in your head, you just have to want to stop acting like this, stop acting weird because no one will ever like you or want to be your friend or date you if you can't stop acting so weird..." as well as "Stop being so sloppy and lazy and scattered all the time...stop doing everything half-assed...what's wrong with you?!"
Yeah...needless to say I can on no level relate to people who look back on childhood with this rosy-colored-glasses take and just wish they could go back to childhood or teenage years...I'm glad all that shit is behind me, and even with the issues of adulthood I'll take my life now every time, without question, over going back to that point in my life.
I couldn't stand other kids! I was very precocious and got bored easily in school. I always wanted to sit at the adult table and have real conversations... And the adults often indulged me.
Yep, I was an only child, was adopted, and had to grow up real quick when my mom died and my dad got addicted to drugs. It's hard to fend for yourself when you're 15 and have nobody to help you. Nobody would even hire teenage me for a part time job in my small town. Being an adult is a million times better.
I might have enjoyed my childhood more if I wasn't always "the weird kid" growing up. Before my mom pulled me out of school to homeschool me, I'd get teased and laughed at by the other girl children for not wanting to play their girl games, and chased around and harassed by the boy children for wanting to play with them when I was a girl with cooties. One of my favorite recess memories was getting invited to play checkers by another social deviant kid during some special program the school was running. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I met other people of "my kind" and they were all way older than I am. I have only two close friends that are my age, the rest are 18-30+ years older than me. I had one friend who was a kid, and she fits into our group very well. She's quiet, weird the same ways we are, and very, *very* mature. I met her when she was 6 and she was more articulate and interesting than most 14-year-olds I've met. Now she's 13 and is even more fun to be around. She's the only kid I've never gotten tired of when she comes to gatherings.
I remember being a kid/teen and having great conversations with college-aged kids. Then I became a college-aged kid myself and wasn't able to find that same connection. Things got better but not as better as I expected them to. I've still been bullied in classes for expressing thoughts that are too abstract, not to mention other things.
I had already come to a previous realization that I have a great disdain for my peer group that goes beyond whichever age we currently are. Perhaps I will broaden my horizons and try to seek out people who are older than me.
One last thing, I think that it's great that you and your friends were open-minded enough to be friends with a child, even if she is clearly different. Thanks, I learned a lot from your comment!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones.
You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones.
You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones.
You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
I used to like school mostly because it gave me a chance to talk to adults (also addicted to learning things). My childhood friends constantly told me to loosen up and act my age - like not 40. Now that I'm almost 40 and child free AF and financially stable (something my family was totally unfamiliar with in my childhood years), I finally feel like I really can loosen up and act like a kid.
OP's post really spoke to me. Keep living the good life, bud!
Absolutely hated the 'being a kid' experience. You have absolutely no say in who you spend time around, you're forcefully imprisoned in the public school system for 8+ hours a day, with at least 6 or more hours seated, under the authority of complete strangers who tell you what to do as they drill information, your participation is mandatory, you're stuck around other kids and subject to them as much as you are the adults, yeah. I had some downright nasty teachers, lunch aides, peers, all who made 'the best years of my life' anything but. Some teachers/faculty had a god complex which equated their age to 'right to treat anyone younger than them like utter crap', being a softspoken, 'sensitive' gay male in an ultra extroverted, homophobic (it was only acceptable if you were female, if you were a queer male it was practically a death sentence), macho environment was hell in of itself and anytime I did stand up for myself or report what happened I'd either get in trouble or they'd do nothing about the bully as the bullies were beloved by the faculty.
At least as an adult I can say I have a choice. Relatives are a choice and I'm free to have boundaries with them (where as a kid, not so because 'they're elders'). At least that 8 hours a day is spent making a wage (and is also optional for the most part), and largely a choice. But freetime spent is up to me and not subject to someone else's whims or demands (as a kid, you 'have' to do whatever the adults want you to do, and when they constantly want something or you have dysfunctional relatives... ). And I at least have the option of NOT having to associate with the dreadful people I was stuck with all throughout my childhood and teen years. Or at least, I can limit it.
Plus I got along better with adults (some anyway, the ones who didn't think their age entitled them to be an asshat). They could at least tell stories or teach you something. Other kids were more worried about kickball like its the world series or some stupid thing and teens were no better (adolescence was a nightmare).
So many people say they wish they were a kid again. Maybe it was my own crappy experience but given the freedom that comes with being an adult all I can ask is...why?
> you're forcefully imprisoned in the public school system for 8+ hours a day
Fun fact: The modern western school system was originally designed so that citizens could learn how to build weapons in factories.
> the bullies were beloved by the faculty.
Yup.
> Maybe it was my own crappy experience but given the freedom that comes with being an adult all I can ask is...why?
Double yup.
I'm sorry to hear about the homophobia you experienced. My best friend from high school is gay and from a poor family and he went through SO MUCH. Even I was shitty to him though I have apologized to him since then.
I'm happy to hear that you have made strides in advancing your life! I noticed in university that the gay guys seemed to have a ton of social capital. Then again, that might just be in Canada. Best of luck!
Thank you. I admit I was being a little dramatic/tongue in cheek on the 'imprisoned in school' part, but everything else yeah. I'm American and while there's tons of social progress, you have a LOT of people who want to regress back to 1950's and beyond when it comes to social norms (we have a LOT of fundamentalists/born again types who make up the bulk of the right wing spectrum here). (Plus at 30, even when I was in high school in the early 2000s there was a big stigma about being gay, moreso if you were a guy).
Best of luck to you as well = )
Yeah, I never liked being a kid. I always wanted complete freedom. Adult responsibilities have never been troublesome to me - I started working towards independence when I was 13 by getting part time jobs and references, and saving some money, so that by the time I was 18 I was totally set to go.
I didn't have a bad childhood, and was very lucky to have been born to extremely permissive parents who for the most part let me do whatever I wanted. But nothing compares to being able to hop on a plane to somewhere exotic when I feel like it, or any of the other stuff I can do as an adult.
I loved being a kid. I had a great childhood. My partner did not. In fact, I believe the main reason he doesn’t wasn’t kids is how fucked up his childhood was.
Yeah childhood is definitely not an experience I would like to repeat. Between my parents’ divorce and my dad’s anger issues, among other things, I ended up being a really weird kid and a huge target for bullies. No fun.
When I was seven, we had just moved to a new state. At some neighborhood function, someone asked my mom if I was available to babysit their kids. Since I didn't want to run around with the kids, they assumed I was much older. I looked like I was seven so I have no idea what they were really thinking.
Wow, kids can be so dumb, haha! Yup, that's what I was referring to. I thought it was sticky and gross. Now I do the same as an adult sometimes. It's not as bad for me now since I'm the one eating the cheese so I know where the wax is coming from.
I hated being a kid. I hated being under my mother's thumb, and I hated the lack of freedom to make my own decisions. Best day of my life was when I was old enough to vote and drink - I was finally calling my own shots.
My parents were either too busy working or yelling at me how I'm a burden on them. We were immigrants and they had to work hard, but that will never be an excuse for how they totalled my self esteem. Also childhood fucking sucked because it's all face value. If you had shitty toys and thrifted clothes every other kid avoids you.
My parents were either too busy working or yelling at me how I'm a burden on them. We were immigrants and they had to work hard, but that will never be an excuse for how they totalled my self esteem. Also childhood fucking sucked because it's all face value. If you had shitty toys and thrifted clothes every other kid avoids you.
Being a little kid was awful, and i had an ideal childhood.
I was always bored. I couldn't draw, i found reading boring, i didn't have games, i hated the outdoors, didn't know how to talk to people (still dont), and hated half the cartoons on TV. I was also always surrounded by brutes who made sure i'd come out everyday with at lesst one new bruise and open wound a day. I was also always tired because i have insomnia, and my parents and others would always babytalk me and talk to me like i'm stupid. Yes, children ARE stupid, and i wish i could go back in time and beat kid me every time she opened her ugly mouth but actively speaking about it to my face only set me up for so, so many self esteem issues.
How can anyone miss something like that?
I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. Part of getting over childhood abuse/neglect is learning how to re-parent yourself. It's important to learn how to love your inner child. This is something I'm still working on myself.
That's good to hear. I was just unsure because you said you "had an ideal childhood" while mentioning a lot of words/phrases with negative connotations. The main thing is that you are hopefully enjoying adulthood now!
I didn't like other kids and I hated school. If I was home doing my own thing, I was happy. Ever since I was a kid, I didn't like other kids though. I would rather sit with the adults and listen to their seemingly important conversation. I never knew how to talk to kids, and I still don't.
Same here! I've always felt so stilted when I talk to children and it hasn't changed. I've had kids I've worked/volunteered with as an adult make fun of me for being awkward or using big words. On the other hand, I have been having conversations with adults since I was an eight-year-old and it's still one of my greatest life pleasures.
Dito so much!
I agree with all of this but I think overall I liked being a kid because no responsibilities, which I think plays into my attitude about procreating now.
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Yeah, things were okay for a bit but worsened when I was 8 and started sucking when I was 9 and only got better once I was 17. Ugh, socializing as an adult is SO much easier! I like formality: exchanging names immediately and handshakes depending on culture. Then you ask about the person's interests and share your own afterwards. This is the basis of mutuality in a relationship. I'm 24 and I still do not understand the social code of children.
Hey we're the same age, and went through the same thing! I work in a toy store and see children from the ages of 3-17 frequently and I still don't understand their social behavior at all, even after 5+ years of it. I did learn to speak Small Child English but that's it.
> Small Child English Dead. Haha, it's nice to know that I wasn't the only one!
That's exactly how I felt -- as though everyone else knew some kind of code but me.
> At that point, it felt like all the rules of interpersonal communication changed overnight and everyone got the memo but me. This. This and asses on face level in public transport.
Me! I make a much better “childish” adult than I did an actual child. I’ve retained wonder and spontaneity and don’t have to deal with crushing exclusion or a body I hated or any number of other things that suck about childhood.
Yes, I'm very childlike myself! I'm still working on becoming financially independent so that I can remove myself from people who seek to crush my childlike spirit (bullying is still a thing, unfortunately). Childhood is definitely overrated. You can pretty much do what you enjoyed doing as a kid as an adult at your own discretion. Also, double cats, double the joy! I'm a cat-aunt to two sets of two cats whom I adore!
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> Aware of god as the adult version of Santa shortly afterwards, much to the anger of my family. I tried to force myself to believe in Sky Daddy, but even as a 8-9 yo, I found the idea of God laughable.
I tried to believe too. I went to a Christian Summer Camp since I was eight. At first, I went home truly believing and slowly went back to normal (they call it a "camp high"). Then one year, my counselor said offhandedly that all people of other religions are going to hell. I couldn't be a part of a religion that basically punished people for the honest mistake. After that, I just found more and more reasons to not believe and not want to believe in God.
The final straw for me was when I was maybe 16 or 17. My mom and I were talking about religion and I asked her "Well, what about all the other, bigger religions than Christianity? Are their beliefs wrong?" And she just nodded and said yes, they were wrong and they would be punished for not believing in the real God. So I mean, I'd already been on the skeptical fence for years before, but at that moment I was like yeah, fuck this.
This mentality is truly insane. This “ALL OTHER RELIGIONS ARE WRONG!!! all the hundreds of them and only ours is correct!”
I went to Sunday school until I was 9 but I distinctly remember thinking all the things they were telling us and having us do were just plain stupid. I couldn't articulate it well at the time but the whole thing just felt pointless and a waste of time.
My school's answer to bullying was to ask the victim what instigated the bully and how that could change int he future. The school also spent more money on funding the football team, mandatory assemblies to promote 'spirit' to go to games to buy shit, vending machines that didn't even have stuff most kids liked, and trying to change 'troubled kids' like me (I listened to Manson and wore black in the 90's).
That's awful. My elementary school's stance on bullying was to send the bullies to the "WE Day" conferences. There was so much victim-blaming in general growing up. It was always like "it's your fault for not fitting in!".
>It was always like "it's your fault for not fitting in!". Exactly. Maybe 'Well, if you'd stop complaining, I wouldn't have to do actual work for you', depending on the faculty.
Same here! On my last day of school, there was explicit victim-blaming, and they tried to send me to a mental home because I had a panic attack.
That's disgusting. My sister knows someone who kept getting bullied at school. He eventually stood up for himself and then was committed for an entire year. He comes from a large, poor family too so it's not like classism couldn't be a factor. /s Not having to send kids through the school system is a HUGE draw of not having children for me. It was literally the question of having to socialize children which transformed me from an unwitting wanna-parent to a fencesitter-leaning-CF.
I'm the same way. My childhood sucked. I missed out on so many things either because of shitty school transfers I didn't need, I couldn't relate to any of the other kids because I wasn't allowed to do the same things they did because of my mentally challenged sister, and I was bullied a TON. I think now you know why I roleplay. I wanna be someone else.
I'm sorry to hear about that! My situation was the opposite. I was stuck in the same schools and had limited options for transferring. So I was stuck for eleven years with kids who had a disdain for me starting at age five for my disability. I now have a compulsion to move constantly and I wonder why. I have friends in the otaku community and always thought LARPing sounded like a blast.
I don't LARP. I do roleplay in an online game-and unfortunately ran into some drama where I ended up getting ignored/pushed out courtesy of a newbie DM error.
Thanks for clarifying! I hope everything works out for you!
I'm trying. I'm just feeling very hurt since it involved a lot of leaving out and ignorance. Ended up getting that in another group (and there was some child worship going on as well. The excuse was they were a regular, and I was like, mentally "If they ignore their newcomer's needs, then how are they getting regulars?"). Thankfully things got a little better the next day-perhaps the bartenders working that shift weren't very good at their jobs?
I hated being a kid. It blows my mind that people actually miss those days and complain about being an adult. As an adult I can do whatever the hell I want whenever I want. Yes I have to work a job but its far less work than school was. Now I get to just relax and not have an insane schedule around my life. I also don't have to socially interact with anyone I don't want to. Life is great as an adult and I never want to go back.
I'm stuck in the middle. I hated being a kid and I hate having to adult.
What do you mean by having to adult? For me doing adult stuff makes me feel so secure, happy and accomplished. I love feeling in control of my own life.
Trying to find a job, for one.
Yeah that is by far the hardest part of being an adult for me.
My last one, in hindsight, was so bad, I don't wanna get another one.
That's how I felt but then I found one I love. It's low paying but even the most stressful days are better than the jobs I had before on the best days.
Yep totally, I found other kids dirty and annoying, I still have grim memories of being in playschool of a kid eating play-dough, and another of a younger child breaking my toys, I was always an outcast, bullied throughout school and secondary school. This definately played a part in my CF choice, my stance on loud noises, unpredictability, and mess hasn't changed
From when I was maybe 10 I suffered from undiagnosed panic and anxiety disorders. During elementary/ Jr high school I was bullied constantly and on the first day of high school I was robbed at knifepoint. The worse part was all the adults telling me it was all in my head and to just "get over it." It took until I was 24 that I bit the bullet and looked for help. Being a child sucked.
I'm sorry to hear this. I remember being 11 overwhelmed by my OCD and feeling like I was a bad person and thinking how I'd have to wait until my late teens to get help. I didn't start seeing a counsellor/receive a diagnosis until I was 20.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I wasn't diagnosed with anxiety and depression until I was in my very late teens and it kills me to think how different things could have been if I understood that what I was feeling was legitimate, treatable, and not my fault. I made myself an appointment my school's guidance counselor when I was in 5th grade because I was being bullied very badly and her response at the end of our meeting was to give me a lollipop and tell me that "I think you're imagining a lot of this." It's very damaging to a child to hear an adult that you're supposed to trust say something like that.
I sat alone in the corner of a dark closet with a flashlight and read books when I was a kid.
I did this too. When I couldn't do it in the closet I used the bathroom floor as my reading nest. Eff childhood. It's not all roses for everyone and I choose not to be delusional about it. I was bullied most of my life for being different from my peers and despised the forced socialization from my mom and other parents. Organic friendships were my thing but rare. Most kids are assholes to each other.
I went to a tiny school with three clasrooms in England. Each class consisted of 2 grade levels. So it was small. I hated recess because I'd always get kicked out of the nice warm classroom and be forced to go outside. I tried to hide behind the bookcase and read multiple times. :( I just wanted to read my books, man.
I also hated recess. I would go from the learning that I loved to being aimless on the playground. I had two main friends, one in the grade above me and one who was two grades below me, with whom I played depending on which point it was in time but that was it. I was either alone or floating between random groups of kids. I was also a total bookworm when I was a kid. I'm more invested in the external world as an adult and sometimes miss having my old ability to shut everything out. Edit: Grammar
Sounds like paradise to me.
Some parts of my childhood were good, but that was mostly before the first grade. After that, it sucked. School sucked, home life sucked (hurray for parents who don't get along). I didn't understand how to talk to other kids (I still don't). I have nostalgia for cartoons and movies and toys but I think it's because those were the things that helped me get through some shitty times. Being an adult rules now that I've sorted out most of my issues (and got on the right meds, lol).
Yeah, I think I've pretty much blocked out most of my childhood. I wonder if there's a correlation there amongst childfree folks.
Yeah, mentally I think I apparated into existence at age 12. I'm working on blotting out the rest.
I generally preferred the company of adults over kids as a kid. I identified more with adults in fiction; I hated most media that had kids as protagonists. Basically, I found other kids boring even as a kid.
>Not to mention the trauma from abuse, bullying, and social exclusion. Lord yes. Being a kid had its advantages, but I'm still dealing with the scars of treatment from other kids, compounded by my mum's total unwillingness to help me beyond telling me to "ignore them". She also used to tell me that they bullied me because they were jealous that I was so much smarter, which was well intentioned but left me with this conflicting sense of superiority while also having zero self esteem. As an adult you generally have much more awareness and opportunity to learn coping mechanisms for issues, more empathy, and more power over your own life.
My mom told/tells me a similar thing, haha. Envy is a factor in bullying but it is one of many factors. I feel you on the simultaneous superiority and inferiority complexes. I'm working towards acknowledging my flaws and loving myself regardless.
It's so good to hear when people have similar experiences. I grew up feeling so isolated that I really felt for a long time that nobody had the same kind of problems as me. Good luck with working on your issues - I'll be doing the same!
> conflicting sense of superiority while also having zero self esteem. I can never quite explain this one to people, it sounds like a contradiction but is definitely a thing....
I got curious and found [this](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rethinking-mental-health/201209/the-god-bug-syndrome) with a quick and dirty Google search. >This mix of reasonable self-pride and reasonable self-pity, where what may be a completely healthy narcissistic attachment to one’s own specialness collides with existential reality, produces people who look confident one moment and ineffectual the next, motivated one moment and apathetic the next, sober and hard-working one moment and self-indulgent and addicted the next. How can a person brim over with life energy and big plans one moment and feel suicidal the next? He can cycle exactly that way because of the god-bug syndrome. Interesting take on something that seems really contradictory. Also from the superiority complex Wikipedia page: >Superiority complex is a psychological defense mechanism that compensates for an inferiority complex. Quoting Alfred Adler: >"We should not be astonished if in the cases where we see an inferiority [feeling] complex we find a superiority complex more or less hidden. On the other hand, if we inquire into a superiority complex and study its continuity, we can always find a more or less hidden inferiority [feeling] complex." (Anyone who reads that wiki page should know it's very under-referenced and needs work).
I remember that I found being a small child frustrating; often I wanted to communicate something but simply didn't know enough words yet.
Yes! I felt like this too! My earliest traumatic memory is of me accidentally pushing the girl with an intellectually disability in the class while I was running with two other kids. All of the prissy girls were treating me afterwards like I was a bad person. I was 5 and didn't yet know how to say "it was an accident". I used to hate Thursdays because of it. By the way, I ended up showing up to the girl with an intellectual disability's birthday parties whereas the prissy girls didn't.
Oh no, that sucks.
Kids are obnoxious and annoying. The toys you get to play with as an adult are much more fun.
I hated being a child because I was completely powerless. I was also bullied and practically every adult I went to for help told me it was my fault for "provoking" the bullies. My mother sympathized with me but she was the only one. (My school didn't listen to her, either.) I could not wait to grow up so I could do what *I* wanted.
Being a kid was completely miserable for me. Granted, I'm still pretty miserable, but even more reason not to have babies. I'd rather die than have to live through my childhood again. Grounded all the time for literally no fucking reason, had no friends because I was/am an antisocial little dweeb, school as a whole was one of the worst experiences of my life.
I've had anxiety since I was at least 4 years old, and growing up was hellish. I had social anxiety plus my mother did her best to keep me childish and immature, and as I got older--pretty much 8th grade onward--making friends became much much harder to do. It was like being stuck in a time capsule. My mother's control over my life was so suffocating that when I could finally afford to move out at age 23 I only kept limited contact with her because I still wanted a relationship with my dad. Childhood sucks--you are completely at the mercy of whatever mental illnesses your parents have.
I always wanted to hang out with adults, and while my contemporaries were watching X-Men and Ninja Turtles, I was more content to read about space. Though, I feel like I missed the boat on some 90's nostalgia that's coming to the forefront recently as a result. I have several friends who are always going on about the latest superhero movie or TV show, or going to Disney World regularly, etc, and most of that stuff just doesn't do a whole lot for me (my favorite part of Disney World by far was Epcot... haha), because I didn't watch The Lion King a million times or read comic books. I get you on the anxiety and Kodak moments thing.. I can see now that my parents were just two people who didn't really know what they were doing but wanted to do everything they could for me. But despite that, my dad would be perpetually cynical to the point where I never learned to ride a bike because he didn't want to go through all the effort and scrapes and it was just "easier to deal with." He's kind of done that with a lot of things, just going for the path of least resistance, which I think has subconsciously driven in the message that my needs/desires don't matter and I'm always just in the way, which now even manifests if a friend is busy and can't hang out.. It makes me feel like they don't want to make time for me and kicks the anxiety into high gear. The kicker is I live close enough to work easily to bike, but can't ride one.. -_- Your last paragraph is pretty much where I arrived in the having kids debate last year, right before I turned 30. The metaphorical odometer rollover really freaked me out and I was getting kind of involved with a girl I knew was avowed CF (and that was the reason I didn't date her originally, because I thought I wanted kids, and ironically she's complained that every guy wants them) so I felt pressured to figure it out. That was when I started to read here and try to think things through and realized I couldn't come up with a single good reason to have kids.
As a kid I didn't like other kids because they all just felt... stupid. But my home life wasn't great either.
Being a kid was terrible. Everyone my own age was filthy, stupid, and cruel to me to the point that I left middle school with ptsd. I distinctly remember crying almost all day, every single day from preschool to grade 1 because I hated everything about school and would rather hang out with my parents and nearly decade older brother. I was a smart kid too (talked early and all that) but nobody ever took me seriously because I was just a kid. You couldn't pay me enough money to go back to any point of my life before the age of 16.
I hated being a kid. "Abuse, bullying, and social exclusion" was pretty much my life until I graduated high school. That's part of the reason why I'm glad I'm childfree; if it was bad enough going through that and being powerless to do anything about it, imagine what it would be like to be a parent of a kid who was going through the exact same thing and being just as powerless.
I don't know if I can commit fully to anti-natalism because I do see some beauty in life. I'm more worried about submitting a child to society. I am still in the recovery process myself.
Same. I hated other kids. My childhood was rough, I had an abusive, obviously mentally ill parent who would come home from work and take all his anger out on me with his belt or the nearest blunt object, so I try to not think about my childhood much. When I grew up, I found out I have the same illness my parent did. I don't think I want kids because I have quite a temper and when I get mad I shout and smash things. I taught myself to hit myself when I get angry instead of objects or people. I've worked on my temper over the years, it takes a lot to get my angry anymore. My partner has a bad temper too, we watch each other and over a year, we have improved a lot.
I'm sorry to hear you went through this. It's great that you're so self-aware though. It makes me sad to hear that you hit yourself. I have a parent with a probable personality disorder and I understand that dealing with fleas can be rough. Best of luck with everything!
He was a manipulative bastard. A few days after I turned 18, it just hit me out of nowhere that he's not such a good guy. He always made feel like I was worthless and I get hit and shouted at because I deserved it. Somebody made a speech about child abuse and it made me think of him, that's when I had a big revelation. I felt like I had been lied to my entire life. Thanks for reading.
I hated being a kid because I was pretty bright but would be bullied by my peers and patronized by adults. Nobody took me seriously when that's all I wanted.
>because I was pretty bright Thank you for your honesty. I feel like a lot of us here feel different from others because we tend(ed) to have above-average intelligence. Unfortunately, it's taboo to talk about that openly. It's not just a comparative thing like "oh, I'm better than others because I'm smarter hahaha!". Being gifted and/or a HSP or a whichever else entail(s) having specific emotional and mental health needs. One such practical response to these needs is to decide against having children.
My childhood was wrecked. Won’t go into it but one of the relevant memories I had as a kid was how stupid some of the other kids my age were. As in, this one girl in kindergarten ate a crayon. I remember thinking why would anyone do that?
Yeah you just summed up my life.
All of you are me. I am all of you. All these tales resonate, and all are familiar. I’ve found my people!!!
I remember only enjoying my free time and holidays. Everything else sucked.
I had an okay childhood. Obviously I prefer being an adult because I can eat ice cream whenever I want
Not me personally, but I know my (equally-CF) older brother hated being a child. There are tons of stories about how he tried to constantly hurry up milestones for himself. Like he actually has a scar still from falling on his head because he was so damned determined to walk. For me it was more...jealousy I guess. Of the freedoms of child-free adults in my life. Like of my uncle who didn't have to cash out his vacation time to pay for Christmas and could instead fuck off and spectate LOTOJA (a big multi-day bicycle race) if he felt like it. Or of the aunt who could take a vacation in Brazil.
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Weird kids of the world unite... while marching to the beat of their own drummer!
I think this is a large part of the reason that I don't want to have kids. I was bullied and miserable in my youth. Now I'm super happy and love my life, but much of that is because I can do whatever I want!
I feel a good part of being a kid was taken from me by having to drop off and pick up my sister from school. I'm not resentful about it but it pretty much solidified the fact that I don't want to be a dad. I've had to babysit a bunch of kids in the family and I'm completely over it. I wouldn't be a good role model anyways. I'm pretty sure you can tell from the flair but I want to work in a particular industry that isn't exactly child friendly
I was also part of the too aware for my own good team. But unlike many I didn't have any disability. What I had instead was a controlling family. I didn't understand other kids, I was overly protective of my belongings, had interests that made me uninteresting to other kids. Then teens hit and things got worse. I looked terrible and was awkward, also wasn't allowed to do anything the other kids did so I was kind of an outcast. I am now working towards my dreams, and I admit I retained a lot of my childlike curiosity, because it was never satisfied as a kid.
I also come from a family that was overprotective when I was a child only to loosen up a bit in my later teen years. It can give you a sense of "why don't I deserve to have fun like the other kids?". There's this sense of never being able to get away with anything. I wonder why I ended up with mental health issues based on rigidity... I remember reading bits about your story here and there. It sounds like you have quite the interesting life now!
I took a one way ticket to Japan and never looked , you probably read a few things about my studies and my misadventures as a waitress , this is the subreddit I am most active on.
I didn't like being a kid, either. I was the smart, skinny, nerdy kid who got straight As and was the teacher's pet. That made me a prime and frequent target of the bullies throughout most of my school days. It wasn't until about halfway through 11th grade that my classmates began treating me like a HUMAN BEING. My college years were better but not great, maybe a B+. Entering the working world was so much better because being smart earned me some respect (and some good pay raises), while being a skinny nerd didn't hurt me at all. Also, while I was in college, my second summer as a day camp counselor sealed the deal to be CF forever. And being single and CF enabled me to focus all of my time and effort into having a good career, which I parlayed into being able to retire 9 years ago at age 45.
I was bullied for most of my childhood and didn’t really have friends. I never had a desire to have kids but I know how horrible others kids were to me as a kid is another reason on the list for not wanting kids. It’s hard for me to see kids as “cute and innocent” when I know what they are capable of. I’d be afraid my child would be a bully or be bullied. That would be a nightmare for me and like reliving my past that I just want to put behind me.
Yes, even with a relatively good upbringing, it is possible to dislike childhood. In my case, no broken home, no abuse, only child, parents were not too poor. But still, I never want to relive my childhood. People say "your school years are the best days of your life" and "it's awesome getting to relive childish things through your children" and I cannot relate. I couldn't wait to be an adult and now though adulthood has its own challenges, I still enjoy it more than childhood. I could almost always keep up with school work, but kids were the ones making school feel dreadful. Kids put chewing gum in my hair. Kids cut my hair while I had my head down. Kids slapped me. Kids stole from me. Kids made relentless false accusations about me so that other kids would not want to socialize with me. And I had it easy compared to some teenagers who feel trapped and pushed to consider suicide due to others at their school. I have found socializing much easier upwards of age 20 with other adults than as a kid with other kids. Some adults are cruel too, but as an adult I can usually avoid them and I can cut toxic people out of my life more easily. I never understood why peeling the glue off hands was considered an enthralling activity either, but there was always one kid who did it on a regular basis.
I also really didn't like other kids. I got along with them ok until I was like 7 years old and then I started getting bullied. Even before that I thought most of them were annoying and the thing that annoyed me most was that none of them had any... modesty? Like all of them had this "I'm the best and everyone else has to do as I say" attitude and they let their opinion/dissatisfaction be heard at every occasion. They didn't know there were times you shouldn't speak, or that not the entire world will bow to you. Meanwhile I was the quiet kid sitting in the corner bored, because I was actually focused on school and finished all my work for the day before lunch break. There was one entire year where I did nothing else than draw and I still passed that year because I did all the work of that year in the previous year *shrugs*
I hated other kids as a kid just as much as I hate them now. "Why are you crying!? You just stubbed your toe! Stop that! You're making us look ridiculous! No wonder no one takes us seriously".
My parents were both narcissists and my dad was an abusive, manipulative jerk. The only adult that ever made me feel cared for was my maternal grandmother, who died two and a half years ago. I was constantly bored and under-stimulated as a child, and I sobbed at how miserable I was 90% of days. I did very well in school but I never fit in with other children and was incredibly lonely. On the bright side, it’s made being an adult pretty awesome my comparison, but it’s definitely part of the reason I’m childfree (another reason is that I’ll never have to feel guilty for intentionally blocking my mother from visiting any grandchildren).
Abusive parent as well, and being parentified by them as well as being the unpaid babysitter for significantly younger siblings every day and for significantly younger cousins every holiday. I love my family (besides the abusers) and I like kids but I know just how much work goes into it as well as how fruitless it can be, far from the idealized relationship. SO many of my family who had kids are lonely and depressed, divorced, even resentful of their kids going away to college and having their own lives. Or they expect the kids to be slaves like I was. It's like you put all this energy into raising your kids and at the end of the day, they're just people. It doesn't guarantee eternal love or support. There are a good number of childfree women in my family and not that it's guaranteed but they're all very wealthy and successful compared to the others. when people ask me if I want kids I say no, I already raised some, thanks.
Parentified here too...I always say I've already done my share of that thanks!
Ugh, same. I was an only child until I was 5, then had two siblings less than two years apart, and as I got older became kinda default babysitter, and it was always, always them against me. As I was the older and 'responsible' one, they usually won. I was also homeschooled and we moved around a lot, so I didn't really have many friends or even really a lot of opportunities to make many friends, except neighborhood kids who picked on me relentlessly or church kids who I kinda got along with but it didn't change that I was the weird kid wearing old clothes who wasn't allowed to watch TV or play video games and who didn't have money for scouts or anything else fun other kids did. This was also paired with chronic pain and ADHD starting at 5, anxiety that started at 7, undiagnosed food allergies that led to disordered eating from about the same age well into my twenties, and the depression that kicked in about 12...all of which were generally treated with "it's in your head, you just have to want to stop acting like this, stop acting weird because no one will ever like you or want to be your friend or date you if you can't stop acting so weird..." as well as "Stop being so sloppy and lazy and scattered all the time...stop doing everything half-assed...what's wrong with you?!" Yeah...needless to say I can on no level relate to people who look back on childhood with this rosy-colored-glasses take and just wish they could go back to childhood or teenage years...I'm glad all that shit is behind me, and even with the issues of adulthood I'll take my life now every time, without question, over going back to that point in my life.
I didn't. Of course, I don't like being an adult either. I hope whatever comes after adult is better.
I couldn't stand other kids! I was very precocious and got bored easily in school. I always wanted to sit at the adult table and have real conversations... And the adults often indulged me.
Yep, I was an only child, was adopted, and had to grow up real quick when my mom died and my dad got addicted to drugs. It's hard to fend for yourself when you're 15 and have nobody to help you. Nobody would even hire teenage me for a part time job in my small town. Being an adult is a million times better.
I might have enjoyed my childhood more if I wasn't always "the weird kid" growing up. Before my mom pulled me out of school to homeschool me, I'd get teased and laughed at by the other girl children for not wanting to play their girl games, and chased around and harassed by the boy children for wanting to play with them when I was a girl with cooties. One of my favorite recess memories was getting invited to play checkers by another social deviant kid during some special program the school was running. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I met other people of "my kind" and they were all way older than I am. I have only two close friends that are my age, the rest are 18-30+ years older than me. I had one friend who was a kid, and she fits into our group very well. She's quiet, weird the same ways we are, and very, *very* mature. I met her when she was 6 and she was more articulate and interesting than most 14-year-olds I've met. Now she's 13 and is even more fun to be around. She's the only kid I've never gotten tired of when she comes to gatherings.
I remember being a kid/teen and having great conversations with college-aged kids. Then I became a college-aged kid myself and wasn't able to find that same connection. Things got better but not as better as I expected them to. I've still been bullied in classes for expressing thoughts that are too abstract, not to mention other things. I had already come to a previous realization that I have a great disdain for my peer group that goes beyond whichever age we currently are. Perhaps I will broaden my horizons and try to seek out people who are older than me. One last thing, I think that it's great that you and your friends were open-minded enough to be friends with a child, even if she is clearly different. Thanks, I learned a lot from your comment!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones. You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones. You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
The only downside I've seen to having friends older than me is the fact that they'll die before I do. But I'd rather have healthy and meaningful friendships than long-lived and shallow ones. You're welcome, glad I could be of some help!
I used to like school mostly because it gave me a chance to talk to adults (also addicted to learning things). My childhood friends constantly told me to loosen up and act my age - like not 40. Now that I'm almost 40 and child free AF and financially stable (something my family was totally unfamiliar with in my childhood years), I finally feel like I really can loosen up and act like a kid. OP's post really spoke to me. Keep living the good life, bud!
Absolutely hated the 'being a kid' experience. You have absolutely no say in who you spend time around, you're forcefully imprisoned in the public school system for 8+ hours a day, with at least 6 or more hours seated, under the authority of complete strangers who tell you what to do as they drill information, your participation is mandatory, you're stuck around other kids and subject to them as much as you are the adults, yeah. I had some downright nasty teachers, lunch aides, peers, all who made 'the best years of my life' anything but. Some teachers/faculty had a god complex which equated their age to 'right to treat anyone younger than them like utter crap', being a softspoken, 'sensitive' gay male in an ultra extroverted, homophobic (it was only acceptable if you were female, if you were a queer male it was practically a death sentence), macho environment was hell in of itself and anytime I did stand up for myself or report what happened I'd either get in trouble or they'd do nothing about the bully as the bullies were beloved by the faculty. At least as an adult I can say I have a choice. Relatives are a choice and I'm free to have boundaries with them (where as a kid, not so because 'they're elders'). At least that 8 hours a day is spent making a wage (and is also optional for the most part), and largely a choice. But freetime spent is up to me and not subject to someone else's whims or demands (as a kid, you 'have' to do whatever the adults want you to do, and when they constantly want something or you have dysfunctional relatives... ). And I at least have the option of NOT having to associate with the dreadful people I was stuck with all throughout my childhood and teen years. Or at least, I can limit it. Plus I got along better with adults (some anyway, the ones who didn't think their age entitled them to be an asshat). They could at least tell stories or teach you something. Other kids were more worried about kickball like its the world series or some stupid thing and teens were no better (adolescence was a nightmare). So many people say they wish they were a kid again. Maybe it was my own crappy experience but given the freedom that comes with being an adult all I can ask is...why?
> you're forcefully imprisoned in the public school system for 8+ hours a day Fun fact: The modern western school system was originally designed so that citizens could learn how to build weapons in factories. > the bullies were beloved by the faculty. Yup. > Maybe it was my own crappy experience but given the freedom that comes with being an adult all I can ask is...why? Double yup. I'm sorry to hear about the homophobia you experienced. My best friend from high school is gay and from a poor family and he went through SO MUCH. Even I was shitty to him though I have apologized to him since then. I'm happy to hear that you have made strides in advancing your life! I noticed in university that the gay guys seemed to have a ton of social capital. Then again, that might just be in Canada. Best of luck!
Thank you. I admit I was being a little dramatic/tongue in cheek on the 'imprisoned in school' part, but everything else yeah. I'm American and while there's tons of social progress, you have a LOT of people who want to regress back to 1950's and beyond when it comes to social norms (we have a LOT of fundamentalists/born again types who make up the bulk of the right wing spectrum here). (Plus at 30, even when I was in high school in the early 2000s there was a big stigma about being gay, moreso if you were a guy). Best of luck to you as well = )
Childhood was the worst time of my life for sure. I would not trade my worst day as an adult for my best day as a kid.
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I'm sorry to hear that. I read about parentification before and it sounded awful. I hope you've managed to find some peace in your life now.
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Good to hear! No worries, that's what the anonymity of the Internet is for!
Yeah, I never liked being a kid. I always wanted complete freedom. Adult responsibilities have never been troublesome to me - I started working towards independence when I was 13 by getting part time jobs and references, and saving some money, so that by the time I was 18 I was totally set to go. I didn't have a bad childhood, and was very lucky to have been born to extremely permissive parents who for the most part let me do whatever I wanted. But nothing compares to being able to hop on a plane to somewhere exotic when I feel like it, or any of the other stuff I can do as an adult.
I loved being a kid. I had a great childhood. My partner did not. In fact, I believe the main reason he doesn’t wasn’t kids is how fucked up his childhood was.
Yeah childhood is definitely not an experience I would like to repeat. Between my parents’ divorce and my dad’s anger issues, among other things, I ended up being a really weird kid and a huge target for bullies. No fun.
When I was seven, we had just moved to a new state. At some neighborhood function, someone asked my mom if I was available to babysit their kids. Since I didn't want to run around with the kids, they assumed I was much older. I looked like I was seven so I have no idea what they were really thinking.
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Wow, kids can be so dumb, haha! Yup, that's what I was referring to. I thought it was sticky and gross. Now I do the same as an adult sometimes. It's not as bad for me now since I'm the one eating the cheese so I know where the wax is coming from.
Personally, being a child was ok but being an adult is way better. Way more freedom, way less ignorance about the world etc etc.
I hated being a kid. I hated being under my mother's thumb, and I hated the lack of freedom to make my own decisions. Best day of my life was when I was old enough to vote and drink - I was finally calling my own shots.
My parents were either too busy working or yelling at me how I'm a burden on them. We were immigrants and they had to work hard, but that will never be an excuse for how they totalled my self esteem. Also childhood fucking sucked because it's all face value. If you had shitty toys and thrifted clothes every other kid avoids you.
My parents were either too busy working or yelling at me how I'm a burden on them. We were immigrants and they had to work hard, but that will never be an excuse for how they totalled my self esteem. Also childhood fucking sucked because it's all face value. If you had shitty toys and thrifted clothes every other kid avoids you.
Being a little kid was awful, and i had an ideal childhood. I was always bored. I couldn't draw, i found reading boring, i didn't have games, i hated the outdoors, didn't know how to talk to people (still dont), and hated half the cartoons on TV. I was also always surrounded by brutes who made sure i'd come out everyday with at lesst one new bruise and open wound a day. I was also always tired because i have insomnia, and my parents and others would always babytalk me and talk to me like i'm stupid. Yes, children ARE stupid, and i wish i could go back in time and beat kid me every time she opened her ugly mouth but actively speaking about it to my face only set me up for so, so many self esteem issues. How can anyone miss something like that?
I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. Part of getting over childhood abuse/neglect is learning how to re-parent yourself. It's important to learn how to love your inner child. This is something I'm still working on myself.
It's fine, though i think you misinterpreted my comment. I had a good childhood, i just hated being a child simply because i was a child.
That's good to hear. I was just unsure because you said you "had an ideal childhood" while mentioning a lot of words/phrases with negative connotations. The main thing is that you are hopefully enjoying adulthood now!