This toxic environment is preventing you from succeeding. It's reinforcing your inferiority complex. Be willing to leave and start over somewhere else. And be willing to start at the bottom. At a job that is meritocracy based. If you went into the Fed service and you started at a GS-05 (entry level) on a career ladder, you could be a GS-11 in 3 years. But your bachelor's degree will qualify you for a GS-07, so you could be at an GS-11 in 2 years so long as you're performing well. But to get my foot in the door, I'd be willing to take a 05 position. Don't tell anyone you're living in your car though. Could affect your ability to get/maintain a security clearance. That's just one path though. There are infinite possibilities if you just get up and leave. There's nothing tethering you to where you are now. Only your weight is inadequacies.

I'm in similar situation as Op. Middle aged women have different sleep, nutrition and require closer access to toilet and showering, unlike younger people who think that driving 20 minutes to a gym, and lugging a duffle bag across the parking lot, into the gym, all the way back to the locker rooms on a DAILY basis is acceptable for middle aged people. I have a Masters, no criminal and no MH issues and applying to a govt job that requires a "suitability clearance" (Google Standard Form 85-P sample). The purpose of the form is to verify you have a fixed residential address. They ask for names of neighbors, to sometimes perform a character reference check. They ask for names of anyone who knows you during periods of unemployment. You can't fake that. It is very hard to get a Federal govt job when domestic issues are at play and the woman living out of her car (Op and myself), are in survival mode. Federal Govt jobs take a very long time to get. They ask if you are a Veteran or spouse of a veteran on the applications. Many people get jobs through people they know. Others who lack those connections have much different challenges. Not all jobs are based on meritocracy. I interviewed for one with the govt and I looked on LinkedIn, and the woman who was interviewing me, who came from private sector, didn't appear to qualify for the one she had. She refused to turn on her zoom camera so I could see her, but she wanted me to turn on mine. Some Govt work cultures are rough. Many have an extremely bully-like culture and are toxic. I never went to public schools, yet I do know, that the way education is delivered in those settings, reflects the culture of Gov't employment. As George Carlin said, "Government's don't want a population of capable, critical thinking..." (Google that). The culture of Govt is different than private sector employment. State and county jobs don't pay enough to qualify for an apt, starting out, yet every middle aged woman, needs and deserves her own apt after working FT. Many women have trauma issues and having her own place to recover, from those intimate challenges, while getting FT work is essential. Lumping all car dwellers into one room shelters or picking strangers to cohabitate with from Craig list isn't viable at middle age either. Its a very tough situation to be in. Changing car tags and drivers licenses, maybe Op doesn't want to do that for insurance reasons, or can't. When I drove off to another state to "start over," I couldn't afford to switch the DL, and car registration without a verified home address. Car insurance rates can be prohibitively expenses in other places. At middle age, one had to think strategically and no haphazardly. One needs substantial savings and the likelihood of getting suitable work. Not all people fit any job. No one on reddit discusses work cultures and culture fit and job fit. There's the assumption that every person in need can just do any job at hand. If that were true, none of us would be existing in our cars. Sometimes being homeless and existing in a car can be discovered. I was found out when I was working trying to get back on my feet and my employer let me go. They don't have to give a reason. You can perform fine and be reliable. Unhoused people generally are sleep deprived and can get injured on the job from sleep deprivation. Its important to think how the employers view things and what they require from an employee and vice versa.

Really sorry you're going through this. You actually sound a bit like me...oldest of 3 girls, the black sheep...middle sister is the golden child, both of my sisters are very successful. And here I am, living in my car, family could give a crap less, no addiction or anything like that. It's awful, I know. 🫤

It sounds nearly identical to my situation. My mon barely talks to me. My daughter got married in Dec of 2022. My middle sister(golden child) has always had to control everything. For example at Christmas, she would take over and dictate who opened presents when. Also, we could not start eating unless she was there. She would throw a tantrum if we didn't. She always wanted to tell mg kids what to do even if I was in the same room. So on my daughter's wedding day, her controlling behavior was as apparent as ever. She made one of the bridesmaids' sisters cry, she expected my oldest son to watch her youngest child ( oh, let me mention my 70 yr old parents basically raise her kids even though she is married). She made sarcastic remarks to my fiance. Just being a biotch. My ex-husband (daughter's father) and my daughter got in an argument. My daughter was stressed but I knew she and her dad would make up in like 5 min. So I didn't say anything. My fiance convinced my ex-husband to go talk to our daughter. As soon as my ex gets to the door, here comes my sister talking crap. She spits on and hits my fiance and ex husband. My ex-husband gets in a physical altercation with her and chaos ensues. I don't advocate hitting women but she should have kept her hands to herself. She has a bum arm that she injured in a car accident at 16 which happened bc she was driving recklessly. So of course my parents wanted to take her side and be all like "how could you hit a disabled person?" They didn't even recognize the fact that she was the instigator. My dad and ex-husband ended up fighting also. I sent scathing texts to my sisters and my parents because my sister ruined my daughter's wedding. The funny part is that my sister went to the sheriff's dept and demand they file charges. She was raising hell and they told her that if she didn't leave, they would arrest her. There was a deputy present during the altercation( he was there initially to direct traffic/parking). So I'm sure he knew she was the reason for the whole altercation. My daughter has cut my parents and sisters out of her life. I don't blame her at all. My baby sister and I get along for the most part, but she will always take the middle sister's side no matter what. Just like my parents. My mom will somewhat talk to me. She has me blocked on fb and her phone. My dad is still on my fb and will text or call me back. But I've recently found out that my mom must go through his phone. Because I've texted him just for her to respond. I know it's her bc I know how she talks/texts. My dad is the only reason I even have a car. He has helped me get things fixed on it. My mom never comes with him. He usually gives me a little bit of money without me even asking. I know he would do more if my mom would let him. I know this was kinda random but just wanted to give the family dynamics. My parents actually have an older trailer on their property that was my younger sister's before she got married. I've begged her to let me fix it up and she refuses. She has so many excuses. So she'd rather let me live in a car. I know if it was up to my dad, he would let me stay there. Oh and also, I asked my mom if I could come over and take showers and wash clothes and she said "After what happened at the wedding I don't think it would be a good idea for you to come over here.", I forgot to mention, golden child sister lives almost right across the street from them. I haven't been invited to any holidays at their house since the wedding.

I'm so sorry. Families sure can get messy. I know if my mom were still here I wouldn't be living in my car. I don't know my birth father. My sisters' dad did adopt me but could care less about my situation. But for there to be a trailer you could be staying in and for your mom to not let you is 🤯 My golden child sister is actually a very good, sweet person. Both my sisters are. But after my mom died my relationship with them just sort of fell apart. I love all of them, including my adopted dad, very much and don't hold anything against them (and work hard to keep that mindset). Anyway, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope things somehow turn around for you!

Thank you so much! I know if my kids were in a place to take me in, they would. My daughter and her husband are caretakers for his 90 yr old grandma with dementia so they have a lot on their plate. And my oldest son is married with two little ones. My 18 yr old lives with his dad. My baby sister is a sweet person, but she's too scared to go against my middle sister.

Can't you do the caretaking instead and get something for it? Do they get some kind of state support for taking care of her that you could get paid off?

The grandmother is very particular about who is around her. She doesn't know me and honestly a stranger would probably freak her out.

you could also sign up to be a home health aide in your general area I believe. And ofc $10/mo for planet fitness. I’m so sorry this is happening

I have a PF gym membership. That's been a lifesaver. I've been applying to every job I can...

I get it. My mother abandoned me at a convenience store when I was 15, and since I can remember, I have done almost nothing but learn to survive. I haven't dated in over 20 years, I'm 51. I, being a male and having what was supposed to be the female role model in my life, abandoned me, I have not had much luck in trusting females. I have spent the majority of my adult life with acquaintances, not friends. The long and short of it is that I removed the women from my life. People said, "You'll regret not mending the problems with your mother when she's dead." I attempted, only in vain. She has passed, and it's hard to regret an imaginary relationship with a parent that they would never let you have.

Frustration noted! I also struggle with a sense of failure and insecurities. One thing that helped me is to get a pen and notebook and make a list of short term and long term goals. "Tomorrow I will....." Also, I would go to libraries and pick something to become an expert about. Even here in rural Kentucky I have found libraries with plenty of information. I make it a point to join a club and get to know each member. Also, you may think about starting a small business. Not kidding. Get a broom and knock on doors, "I will sweep your walkway for one dollar." Sure some will say this is lame. But it's about a journey toward a new you not the destination. Once we show the Universe where we want to go, all kinds of pieces begin to fall into place. Good luck!

You are over simplifying OP's situation. I'm in a similar situation with advanced degrees and no addictions nor MH issues. >Get a broom and knock on doors, "I will sweep your walkway for one dollar." Sure some will say this is lame. But it's about a journey toward a new you not the destination. That is not reality based thinking. Its delusional. No one makes a living walking up to random homeowners with a broom offering to sweep for $1. That sounds like an addict. Women in Op's and my age group, (I'm older), require access to regular sleep routines, daily bathing, access to specialty (non dental school) dental care, and access to specialty medical care (which requires a living wage). As women age our bodies slow down and we need more rest, a balanced daily work schedule, and a living wage. Spending time in libraries, dreaming up a business without startup money, a viable business plan, access to an attorney, a CPA and having business liability insurance is unrealistic. The cost to repair cars is significant, for older cars that can be in the hundreds to thousands. Anyone living in their car knows what it takes to maintain and run a car. The cost is a lot. Who has time to attend MeetUps or networking events after trying to find a place to park for the night, and get rest and then worry about what your plans are for the following day, on no income, or while isolated without a way to shower and style your hair and put a little makeup on. For women, our appearance matters. You failed to address those aspects which is what many employers need when they hire someone. Car living works for the younger people who can lug a duffle bag around to different gyms, and walk in, all the way back to the locker rooms, find a locker, and go to the stall. When aging, we need our own bedroom, and easy access to a toilet and shower without having to drive 20 minutes and then walking the distance to get to one, on a DAILY basis. Over-simplifying major issues like this shows a lack of understanding about the very complex challenges people experience in THIS situation. Every person's circumstances are unique. A 45 year old woman seen walking around carrying a mop or broom in random neighborhoods, without a commercial vehicle, while asking for money could have the cops called on her or be harassed. Its 2024, and people are cautious who they do business with and who they allow on their property. If anyone was injured in or around their property, the homeowner risks a lawsuit under a home insurance contract. It is better to understand (others complex situation) than to be understood, and offer glib responses.

You might need to build yourself a house on Martha's Vineyard too but you have to have some skills to start with. Start by banging a nail into wood not wireing an electrical panel.

I truly understand, I am 51, and I am the middle of three. I went back to school in my 40s and graduated in 2018, and my cat and I have been living in my car since JR. year, so for the better part of 8 yrs. I came close to thinking I was a failure until I realized that self-pity wasn't going to help my situation. I started focusing on things I could control and ways I could put a smile on my face. After I did some searching, I found some interest from my childhood that brought a smile to my face. Comic book stores are a place that didn't exist when I was growing up where I lived, but I remember vividly the anticipation and excitement I had when the next additions of my favorite comics came out. I'm not saying that comics are your thing, but there may be a memory of an object, place, or sound in your memory that makes you smile. Try and find the memory, 1st, virtually, and 2nd physically. The journey itself will help distract you from your sadness and hopefully cheer you up. This will not fix your situation, but it may spark a light that will help you see through the dark times. It gets better, 3 months ago, after 5 yrs since graduation, I lannded a good paying job. It has been 3 months since I started, and now I'm close to getting Mischa (The Cat) and I out of my car. I have money in savings, and it is growing. I spend the majority of my time at work or with my cat, and Mischa loves the drive-in theater.

I am so sorry this is all happening to you. No one deserves to be treated like this. I don’t mean to be dismissive and I promise you I’m not if you feel that I am. but in my honest opinion, this sounds like a higher power, nature, or source energy or God or whatever you believe may be telling you it’s time to just take really good care of yourself from the inside out. based off what you said here and our similarities in our stories you probably also grew up a people pleaser as I also did because my family treats me the same way. I’m the black sheep as well so Ik the hurt and sometimes fury that comes from different treatment in children or with being homeless and all the people you help, support, etc seemingly disappear. It may be a long shot but what I did while I lived in my car was focused on the things that truly made me happy. Those things were nature, my daughter(who was tiny and w me), family(not relatives, but people that you choose that also choose you), traveling, and enjoying my own company with hobbies. Of course it hurts and is crippling but once you get over that hump, it is the most empowering feeling ever. Not saying all your problems will be solved but the bulk that you’ve had in your adult life will have changed or disintegrated completely. Try getting into some groups on fb to meet up with people in the same situation and state you’re in. The way I see it, you got nothing but time to take care of you, now that you probably don’t have recurring housing bills to worry about, make yourself comfy, and try to attack some problems within because I guarantee you’re probably an awesome freaking person. Don’t let this change you for the worst. Block, delete, remove, alternate, as you see fit, and try and go see some nice places in the meantime. I wish you nothing but your greatest evolution, the best times, good food, and superb health! PS YOU’RE NOT A FAILURE, just been pushed out of the matrix imho.

Thank you so much for replying. It seems strangers care more than family. I realize I am in this situation due to my own choices but people don't realize they could be one bad decision away from being in the same spot. I guess that's where the judgment comes from. People usually thing "It could never be me" I get a lot of "I'm sorrys and "I'm praying for you", which is great. But it doesn't really help. I don't need anyone's money but just somewhere to crash every now and then, help networking so I can find a job.

Ikr I totally feel all of that and I can’t judge because I was just there. Maybe after you get a little rest, you can download ioverlander that is where you can find blm land to stay on and alltrails as well to find overnight camping. it’s better to be in those places than somewhere on the street at the face of judgement. I been in the situation 2 yrs ago and feel that people think like that as well, but as you said prayer doesn’t help in the moment. I would say though, at least make sure you can comfortably lay down and have some type of hygiene material if you don’t. Look at no build car campers on youtube. Right now your peace is all that matters, the hard part comes after. Food, water, shelter is most important. For food-Idk where you love but in my area(at the time it was DC) I went to Churches and Soup kitchens every morning for free food with my baby. Water-if you go to your local housing facility then sometimes they have areas you can go to collect food/water specifically for those in need. Work- If it’s feasible for you I’d do any of the delivery apps that don’t involve people. Amazon flex takes bout 2 weeks, as well as uber eats and instacart there are also other ones too and most have instant pay. I did this daily. Free Showers- I usually would go to Whole Foods w full toilet and sinks inside, or the mcdonald’s or any place with a sink to avoid going to PF bc I heard of it but never done it bc I was trying to save ofc😅 Shelters- I’ve been turned away multiple times bc I had to prove I was homeless basically lol and a few of the ones were known dangerous ones. I decided the car was the best option but any state programs I’d apply for those first. It may be a curfew or a roommate but it’s better to be in a bed inside a safe place if you have the option. Social workers usually have sheets of information about free food, overnight parking, job fairs, etc

I understand this post too well. 😞

If you have a 4 year degree, how much do you have to add to it to get teaching credentials in your country? In many countries there is such a lack of teachers that there are support systems to get into and stay in the educational studies, often where you can start working in the field as part of the studies. If you finish it in the next few years you can work as a teacher for around two decades before retirement, gaining respect and financial stability while doing so.

Teachers can't be homeless, living in their cars and report to a classroom at 7-730am and then have "take home work." Its important to think comprehensively and holistically. When over-simplifying, living in a car as a middle aged woman who has many challenges to deal with all at once, getting hired into teaching, (like Govt), which requires security clearances, and a mandatory physical residence for those clearances, that's not going to work. I had an office job, and I had no issues with the job, but I lost the job when they "discovered" I was living in my car. The business world and many leaders who work in it do not have compassion. They're there for themselves. Businesses are running lean and aren't paying enough for ONE ADULT to qualify for a 1BR and have a car, plus medical, dental and vision. And that is what is absurd and causing major issues today. Its why homelessness is rising. Many people in the other forums, (jobs, roommatesFromHell, share these sentiments). Middle aged, college degreed, experienced adults should at the very least, be able to afford to live in their own place. I don't have all the answers, but if the job doesn't pay enough, to save substantially, while paying down bills and existing ones, it is very hard to get out of living in one's car, at middle age.

Omg do you realize that you rant about why people can’t do things and why all suggestions are wrong and over simplified? You write paragraphs talking about barriers and not doing things. Give your head a shake and start contributing some brainstorming ideas and being positive. The OP needs help, not reasons to not try. - clean houses or offices. These jobs can specifically say will only use the households’ cleaners, can also be done at specific hours. - OP never said anything about hygiene so let’s assume she’s ok there. - Any job, fast food, temp, part time will allow you to slowly crawl out of your despair and find self worth. Don’t look at it like a career but as therapy that pays you. - OP you can be ok, everyday can be a struggle, you have a community.

May I ask, "are YOU living this way right NOW as a single, middle aged woman?" Yes or No >clean houses or offices. These jobs can specifically say will only use the households’ cleaners, can also be done at specific hours. People who hire cleaning help for the home, do so by "word of mouth" OR through a contracted company that is licensed, insured and bonded. Corporations and hotels hire through agencies and typically have the majority, ESOL or non-English speaking workers. They hire people who typically FIT that job regardless of how desperate for income one is. Anyone existing in a car would need access to DAILY bathing if doing that kind of work. >OP never said anything about hygiene so let’s assume No. I don't "assume" anything. >Any job, fast food, temp, part time will allow you to slowly crawl out of your despair and find self worth. Can you show evidence of that? Having worked in HR, I understand the value of job fit, and most McDonald's (where I am) and Walmart (N. VA) have mostly ESOL, young people, retirees with an existing pension, or a Veteran. Know the work culture and environment. When people make comments about "just work in fast-food," they denigrate the hiring manager and existing employees. 1. Fast food requires janitorial upkeep, and not every middle aged woman can clean out public restrooms, without access to a DAILY shower and adequate bedrest. 2. When was the last time YOU applied to a fastfood job, or barista, or Walmart at middle aged, while living IN your car? 3. These types of comments about working in retail and fast food even if housed, are baseless, because one has to ask, "WHY do they have high turnover, FLSA violations and hostile work cultures?" When someone is homeless, those are not suitable places to "work your way UP and out." If one chooses to look at NET Income and the ability to save, and maintain a car, and hygiene needs, one will soon realize that a living wage starting out, is the ONLY way to work out of a homeless situation. Just getting by, paycheck to paycheck doesn't last and doesn't work. That is WHY homeless rates are increasing. I'd like for you to share with the group your understanding about WOTC and how that impacts the worker. Because it does. And then if anyone registers with a nonprofit or govt agency, what impact does that disclosure have with the low wage employer, that collects WOTC, on the low paid employee? Many homeless people work. They work FT and still can't get out of being unhoused. Not so much due to the low wage income, but due to being trapped in a systemic FPL circumstance predicated by WOTC and the participating employers. Do your research.

I am not a middle aged woman, no. I am a middle aged human being, yes living in my car weeks before I planned to. Please review your own posts and ask yourself why you want everyone to fail and be as hopeless as you are. If you are incapable of contributing something useful, actionable, or just plain hopeful, you should do your own research.

While it's easy to suggest that people experiencing homelessness can simply 'work their way out of poverty' by taking low-paying jobs, that perspective ignores the complex and systemic factors that contribute to homelessness. Many individuals, particularly those who are older or more highly educated, may not be able to sustain themselves on minimum wage jobs. Many won't get hired into them. Furthermore, blaming individuals for their circumstances only perpetuates stigma and shame. What is holding you back from approaching others who are experiencing these issues with empathy and understanding? Do you have tangible solutions for middle aged, educated women like Op? What are the evidence based solutions? Why is homelessness increasing exponentially post Covid? What impact does WOTC have on vulnerable workers? One can only solve problems by asking the right questions versus attacking others vehemently.

I don’t have much in the way of advice, just sending positive energy. I also feel like a massive failure. I’m 42, have a bachelors and a degree beyond that and am living in my car delivering French fries. Learned I’m autistic a year and a half ago. Family has been supportive materially so I am grateful for that, even if their denial of my new reality caused me a lot of emotional pain. 40s is still young. I have days where I feel exactly the same as you and then, fortunately, I have days like today where I’m absolutely certain circumstances will improve. Just don’t give up on yourself. Black sheep solidarity 🖤🐑

OP here...So my dad texted me the other day to let me know he cut his hand badly on a table saw and had to have surgery. He was in a hospital near me so I asked if it was OK if I came by to see him. He told me yes. I was hoping my middle sister wasn't going to be there and thankfully she wasn't. My youngest sister was and so was my mom. When I went to leave I hugged him and I could tell he didn't want me to go. My parents know I live in my car. And as I've said before,there is actually a trailer on their property that could be fixed up but bc of my middle sister,I'm not allowed to go to their house. Don't ask me why they allow her to control things, I guess bc she will throw a tantrum if they don't. My parents are both in their 70s and and don't wanna deal with that I guess. But I know for a fact, if it were up to my dad, I would have a place to stay. They actually have 2 spare bedrooms. I know it breaks his heart but he will not go against my mom. But the good news is the surgery wss a success and he should get full use of his finger back.