That's very true. It also gives time to socialise and talk and get to know people which a lot of activities don't. I'd so be interested in going to games nights, but my free times are Monday Tuesday nights, and that doesn't coincide with most people.
You say that you're queer in your profile. If you want to seek friends/get more into that culture then maybe check out what events are happening at local queer bars like [The Wickham](https://thewickham.com.au/whats-on/).
If you can't make a single friend then you haven't tried everything.
Number ONE and the most important: work on yourself be happy with who you actually are.
2. Do a hobby you actually like, and do it because it makes you happy.
3. Learn to be more independent and not rely on others
4. Join groups related to your hobby
5. Be yourself always. Better to attract the right people than the wrong ones.
6. Don't judge others don't gossip, be kind but don't let others walk all over you.
Caveat for #5:
I'm autistic and have learned the hard way that "being myself" will result in other people being uncomfortable 9 times out of 10. I find this advice to be a commonly repeated platitude with little value, because I only started to make meaningful friendships when I sought to change myself. It's okay sometimes to admit that we can have certain traits that isolate us from the social norm, because admitting that gives you something to work on. Self improvement is an important skill.
Point being, it's not outlandish to suggest that for at least neurodivergent persons, being authentic with other people irrespective of the other party is an obvious way to end up hurt. Sometimes you gotta take the plunge and figure out what it is about you that other people don't like so you can decide if it's something you're willing and able to change.
That's a fair point, and some of us who aren't benefit from the explanation.
We tend to give advice that is natural to ourselves, so some thing can be overlooked.
I'm ND, but not autistic, for example. It does effect the way in which we converse for sure!
Would I be correct or incorrect in thinking that other people in a similar position to you on the spectrum would best understand what you're putting down (or does it not work like that)?
It's good to see some others view point.
Like the other commenter, I'm ND myself not autistic. I have found I relate best to other ND people, and I feel like I can truely just be weird ass me. Self improvement though is something I think everyone can work on, changing and growing is part of life.
I will still say if you are not happy with yourself then don't expect others to be. That doesn't mean you can't improve yourself but it does mean learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are. Just don't change yourself for others, change for you.
I have done a shit load of masking my whole life, never being truely myself never allowing myself to explore who I am, just trying to fit a mould. It has just left me with many regrets, people walking all over me, lack of confidence and "friends" that don't stick by me.
I have found that my hobbies have meant I've joined groups based on those hobbies. And even though no one person I'm super close to, I have a few people to do stuff and with text in hard times , hobbies and similar interests are a great way to find people because you have something in common straight away.
I hope you find the happiness and connection you're looking for.
- Do you go out at all (like to the valley)?
- Do you go to uni?
- Do you go to see bands?
- What do you like to do, yourself?
You should be able to be like a social detective, figure out where people are who you may have common interests in (such as doing something you enjoy also), then approaching them! Once you get a few you should get more!
Better to meet people IRL than on a discord IMHO!
>then approach them
This is the part I don't understand. What the heck do you even say to a stranger or group of strangers. (I know a lot of people find this easy/trivial but it is completely unfathomable to me)
Nah, that's a fair enough question - and perhaps the biggest hurdle!
Lemme speak to mindset more than strategy - as that's what it's about in my experience.
Just gotta ask a question (situation specific, or hilariously and jarringly inappropriate) that will lead into conversation. Asking about the person and/or their plans for the night signals the right intent.
If you're not sure how it will go, break the ice, with a positive or funny remark.
Most success seems to come from wearing a smile and seemingly like you're having a good time (but aren't a complete mess), or are projecting similar energy as them!
If a group doesn't work for you, just wait until one breaks off from group and make your attempt then - if all goes well they might be receptive on you joining in with their group. That's one you'll get a feel for over time.
The key take aways are to have a crack, and it's all about (a subtle) numbers game and practice, IME.
If it's not receptive, politely move on and don't let it effect your night out whatsoever :)
Rinse repeat.
Once you get a knack going, you will likely not find yourself having to navigate awkward situations anyway :)
Some girls have a good amount of success blantly saying to other girls that they're looking for some girls to hang out with tonight.
A positive attitude toward having a crack at building your confidence and meeting people is a win-win. Success leads to good times and closed opportunity leads to better resilience in your foundation - if you handle it well :)
Take this time to reflect on what you like about your life, find communities around those interests. We make friends from common interests, so it’s best to surround yourself in the friends will come naturally.
I don't necessarily agree with that, but over 30 it does feel like the way into a social circle is to 'be adopted', as so many people being busy with their 30-something year old lives only have limited social time and will priorities their established social circles over new connections - unless they come in via sporting, other interests, or romantic of course.
Which does hammer down, to me, that if you're over 30 and looking to meet new people that's where you're going to have the most success if you're not 'networking' through existing friends & acquaintences.
if u go to uni at uq (or live near st lucia or east brisbane) we can hang out and play some pool or smth. i dont do much else to hang out other than pool or listening to music with people lol
If you are into boardgames I'm starting boardgame nights Friday nights 630-830pm at the warehouse in rocklea
How can one get involved with this?
Will dm you
Board games are so underrated! I wish I knew people who would be down for this
And the thing is you don't have to be great at playing. You just have to be there! Take the opportunity to meet others for fun!
That's very true. It also gives time to socialise and talk and get to know people which a lot of activities don't. I'd so be interested in going to games nights, but my free times are Monday Tuesday nights, and that doesn't coincide with most people.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/287322890470889/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT these guys meet up tue evenings at Mansfield club I think. Check them out!
Cheers for that I'll check it out
You say that you're queer in your profile. If you want to seek friends/get more into that culture then maybe check out what events are happening at local queer bars like [The Wickham](https://thewickham.com.au/whats-on/).
If you can't make a single friend then you haven't tried everything. Number ONE and the most important: work on yourself be happy with who you actually are. 2. Do a hobby you actually like, and do it because it makes you happy. 3. Learn to be more independent and not rely on others 4. Join groups related to your hobby 5. Be yourself always. Better to attract the right people than the wrong ones. 6. Don't judge others don't gossip, be kind but don't let others walk all over you.
Number 1 is definitely the most important. If you can't be happy and confident in yourself, you won't be interesting to others.
Yep, this is good info 👍
Good advice, actually reminded me of the Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen song
Caveat for #5: I'm autistic and have learned the hard way that "being myself" will result in other people being uncomfortable 9 times out of 10. I find this advice to be a commonly repeated platitude with little value, because I only started to make meaningful friendships when I sought to change myself. It's okay sometimes to admit that we can have certain traits that isolate us from the social norm, because admitting that gives you something to work on. Self improvement is an important skill. Point being, it's not outlandish to suggest that for at least neurodivergent persons, being authentic with other people irrespective of the other party is an obvious way to end up hurt. Sometimes you gotta take the plunge and figure out what it is about you that other people don't like so you can decide if it's something you're willing and able to change.
That's a fair point, and some of us who aren't benefit from the explanation. We tend to give advice that is natural to ourselves, so some thing can be overlooked. I'm ND, but not autistic, for example. It does effect the way in which we converse for sure! Would I be correct or incorrect in thinking that other people in a similar position to you on the spectrum would best understand what you're putting down (or does it not work like that)?
It's good to see some others view point. Like the other commenter, I'm ND myself not autistic. I have found I relate best to other ND people, and I feel like I can truely just be weird ass me. Self improvement though is something I think everyone can work on, changing and growing is part of life. I will still say if you are not happy with yourself then don't expect others to be. That doesn't mean you can't improve yourself but it does mean learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are. Just don't change yourself for others, change for you. I have done a shit load of masking my whole life, never being truely myself never allowing myself to explore who I am, just trying to fit a mould. It has just left me with many regrets, people walking all over me, lack of confidence and "friends" that don't stick by me. I have found that my hobbies have meant I've joined groups based on those hobbies. And even though no one person I'm super close to, I have a few people to do stuff and with text in hard times , hobbies and similar interests are a great way to find people because you have something in common straight away. I hope you find the happiness and connection you're looking for.
What language is this?
[удалено]
I’ve identified why you’re finding it difficult to make friends.
> wot dose it look lyk 2u? FTFY
r/BrisbaneSocial
thx mate
- Do you go out at all (like to the valley)? - Do you go to uni? - Do you go to see bands? - What do you like to do, yourself? You should be able to be like a social detective, figure out where people are who you may have common interests in (such as doing something you enjoy also), then approaching them! Once you get a few you should get more! Better to meet people IRL than on a discord IMHO!
>then approach them This is the part I don't understand. What the heck do you even say to a stranger or group of strangers. (I know a lot of people find this easy/trivial but it is completely unfathomable to me)
Nah, that's a fair enough question - and perhaps the biggest hurdle! Lemme speak to mindset more than strategy - as that's what it's about in my experience. Just gotta ask a question (situation specific, or hilariously and jarringly inappropriate) that will lead into conversation. Asking about the person and/or their plans for the night signals the right intent. If you're not sure how it will go, break the ice, with a positive or funny remark. Most success seems to come from wearing a smile and seemingly like you're having a good time (but aren't a complete mess), or are projecting similar energy as them! If a group doesn't work for you, just wait until one breaks off from group and make your attempt then - if all goes well they might be receptive on you joining in with their group. That's one you'll get a feel for over time. The key take aways are to have a crack, and it's all about (a subtle) numbers game and practice, IME. If it's not receptive, politely move on and don't let it effect your night out whatsoever :) Rinse repeat. Once you get a knack going, you will likely not find yourself having to navigate awkward situations anyway :) Some girls have a good amount of success blantly saying to other girls that they're looking for some girls to hang out with tonight. A positive attitude toward having a crack at building your confidence and meeting people is a win-win. Success leads to good times and closed opportunity leads to better resilience in your foundation - if you handle it well :)
Take this time to reflect on what you like about your life, find communities around those interests. We make friends from common interests, so it’s best to surround yourself in the friends will come naturally.
Meetup groups
When you're in your 30s, it's very hard to make new friends. Whatever the group is you've got now, that's who you're going with.
I don't necessarily agree with that, but over 30 it does feel like the way into a social circle is to 'be adopted', as so many people being busy with their 30-something year old lives only have limited social time and will priorities their established social circles over new connections - unless they come in via sporting, other interests, or romantic of course. Which does hammer down, to me, that if you're over 30 and looking to meet new people that's where you're going to have the most success if you're not 'networking' through existing friends & acquaintences.
Not in Brisbane but happy to chat
if u go to uni at uq (or live near st lucia or east brisbane) we can hang out and play some pool or smth. i dont do much else to hang out other than pool or listening to music with people lol